#chronic illness
When you discover that something you thought was normal is actually a symptom and most definitely doesn’t happen in non-chronically-ill people
I feel like most of my life has been spent trying to get people to take my illnesses seriously. It’s frustrating, but at least I have people on my side now. Invisible illness is so challenging. Suffering is bad enough without everyone assuming you’re perfectly fine. ∞
Living through it would be so much easier if only I knew for sure it would end
They took my fucking freedom.
They took my fucking freedom and now they rub it in my face.
Every single person, without exception, that doesn’t wear a mask is a selfish cunt.
I want my life back.
MyGod I am tired of the fight it takes just to exist
me: i think im doing alright, all things considered
my edgelord^TM brain: okay but have you considered how good it would feel for your flesh to burn and sting right now?
me: ooooookayy maybe i should reconsider…
There’s a book I read years ago, called The Five People You Meet in Heaven. It’s a beautiful book, and in it Eddie, who’s just died, goes on a journey through various memories of his life. Times he never even thought were significant.
One thing that really stuck with me was how as he started, he couldn’t believe how light and easy it was to move again as if he was a kid. Then he goes on through more memories, growing up, and each time he describes how his legs look and knees feel, as they slowly become thin and veined and crippled by arthritis.
I often think about that. When I’m having to prepare myself to stand up from a seat; when I’m wincing as my stiff back fights back in a morning; when I’m jumping down a step and expecting to feel so much lighter than I do. I don’t remember how I got to this point. It’s insidious, creeping in since before I even hit puberty. And in the same way, it will worsen.
And even though I don’t really believe in an afterlife, sometimes I like to imagine I will have a heaven like Eddies. To sit outside of my old primary school soaking up the sun in the summer, pain free, doing cartwheels and hand stands. To be able to experience the body I used to take for granted again.
Taking a shower and not passing out qualifies as a victory.
Guess who’s finally back on Tumblr! I apologize for my unexpected disappearance, and I thank you for your patience. Please reblog to spread the news! And expect some new posts from this blog ASAP. ❤
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You’ve been beaten up by life a bit, but you’re still here. You’ve come so far, don’t give up now! Give life some time to get better.
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Apologies for my quietness lately. Here’s an update:
A couple days ago I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Hypermobility Type. EDS is a rare, genetic, connective tissue disorder. The connective tissue in my body (especially in my joints) is faulty and is breaking down. There’s no cure nor treatment for EDS, and it is progressive.
AND, in recognition of this (to brighten my spirits as much as yours…) I have plans for this page and some care package giveaways :) stay tuned!
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I know sometimes this is how it feels to be chronically ill and/or disabled, but please understand that you’re not stuck in a hole. You’re simply traveling along a different path. And there are SO MANY of us that are traveling with you along that path, even if you don’t see us. We’re here for you. You’re not stuck.
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