I thought that having an eating disorder meant that you would lose weight. I am literally going insane over a plateaued weight.

I’ve been so good.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this alone

I’m getting bad again. And unlike every other time, when I’ve sought out help,

This time I’m just letting it infest me.

I want to lose weight. No matter what. I want to feel numb, because I have been stuck in a rut of feeling too much for too long.

Getting lost in myself has never hurt so much.

I don’t know

I don’t know if it was the fact that I moved away from the stress, or that I’m working out longer and harder, or that I’m eating so much less than I did before, but I made it guys.

Goal #1 has been reached. Collarbones are coming back and visible.

Just gotta keep going.

I’m getting bad again…

It’s festival season, and where I am, it’s really hot. I’ve been working out a lot and I’ve lost weight but my thighs and butt have gotten bigger with muscle, but none of last years shorts fit anymore.

I tried buying some new ones today. And although I have been in such a good place about my body, I haven’t felt this low since high school. I haven’t eaten at all today, and I know I should eat but I can’t justify it.

I just can’t do this again.

I feel like my life is burning.

Life punishes me every time I’m happy. I get hurt. People I love get hurt. And I can’t tell if it’s my fault anymore. I just want to be happy.

Opened myself up

Only to get heartbreak like every other time. I swear I never make the right choice.

lilliesmainblog:

See what pops up first with these words:

Ass, shit, bitch, fuck, damn

“Niewiele rzeczy boli bardziej niż odejście bez ‘cześć’…”

~quebonafide

bearer of the curse (covid)

:’(

Sabes que lo estás haciendo bien cuando te das cuenta de que hasta sentarte en una silla te duele.

I’m so fat

sadece küçük bir şarkı ile büyük bir değişim yaşayan insanlardanım

çok güzelsin,

çok güzeliz.

artık hiç bir şey eskisi gibi değil sanki ben bile eskisi gibi değilim sanki ben, ben değilim hayatımdan bir çok kişi gitti yok oldular her gün görüyorum onları ne kadar değiştiklerini görüyorum keşke onları değişimi yerine en çok özlediğim insanı görebilsem keşke kilometrelerce ötemdeki diğer yarım ve sürekli değişen küstah insanlar yer değişse bu sadece bir günlüğüne bile olabilir aylardır sabır içindeyim ve o sabır beni delirtmek üzere fark ediyorum ki bu dünyanın bana en büyük haksızlığı

very terrified about my next job.

I prefer to be in the back, away from people. But nearly all the available jobs here require social interactions. I need money so fuck it. But I hate how people are going to stare and grin in my face like they want to laugh. I’m scared I won’t be liked and get teased. The ugly life is SO hard and some people just won’t ever get it. Not like many try to understand anyway.

In nights like this, I wish distance could disappear.