sometimes you’ll see wheelchair users get up and walk a bit or a cane user pick up their cane and carry it instead of using it to walk and it doesn’t mean that they’re faking or they don’t actually need it, and it doesn’t give you the right to question them or ask them to prove they’re disabled. if you see a disabled person temporarily stop using their aids, mind your business and stop assuming you know anything about their situation. people who wear glasses don’t suddenly gain sight when they take them off, and i don’t magically become able-bodied when i carry my cane instead of use it. don’t assume otherwise.
Okay so I’m tired and bitchy and I’ve had a rough morning, and because of that I’m probably about to drop an unpopular opinion here, but I really dont care.
Narcissist is starting to become the new sociopath/psychopath/psycho, and I am really, really concerned with where this is heading.
It’s the exact same thing I’ve been seeing for years with my own diagnosis. You say you’re a sociopath, and immediately you’re now an asshole. I’ve had people actually ask me if I have ever hurt someone/wanted to hurt someone because I’m a sociopath, and I’ve had to explain over and over again that no, that’s not what that means, it just means empathy is not something that I can experience like everyone else. I can still be compassionate, I can still be a kind person, I can have no desire to hurt anyone ever, but I still get treated like a ticking time bomb. Even though my disorder actually helps me in a job that saves lives (I work in tissue donation, so not feeling empathy makes handling donor tissue from a 15 year old a lot easier), I still get asked by people at that same job about my “secret dark side” and if I ever did/do things like torture animals.
The same thing is happening to narcissists. You say you’re a narcissist, and now suddenly you’re an abuser. You want to paint someone as a bad person? Call them a narcissist, then everyone will understand how mean and evil they are. I am so sick and tired of seeing tiktoks, tweets, and Tumblr posts going on and on about how horrible narcissists are and how much people hate them. As if narcissists aren’t people! As if narcissists aren’t people experiencing a personality disorder! Y'all are all about “neurodivergent/mental illness solidarity uwu” until you bring in the “undesirable” mental illnesses and personality disorders, and then suddenly it’s “All x people are mean and evil and abusive blah blah blah they can’t get better/better themselves blah blah blah here’s how to argue with them except I’m not going to actually talk about that I’m actually going to just say how horrible they are and how they’re bad people blah blah blah” and it’s like shut up! Shut the fuck up! Those are people! Those are real people with real feelings and you’re just out here saying they’re inherently bad, and for what? For likes? For clout? Do you have any idea how hard it is to come to terms with a diagnosis like that when your view on it is so incredibly skewed, when you think you’re being assigned the Bad Person Disease™️ after you’ve tried so hard to be a kind person and uplift those around you? And now you’re left thinking it was all for nothing, because now you can never be a good person no matter how hard you try because you have Bad Person Disease? Do you have literally any idea how damaging that is, and how much that hurts? But hey, ableism isn’t ableism when it’s against the “bad” people, right?
Anyway, if you’re a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, have bpd, are bipolar in the “wrong” way, are schizophrenic or psychotic, are the “wrong” type of autistic, or anything else, I see you and you’re doing amazing. Your diagnosis doesn’t dictate who you are and, even though some things are harder for us than they are for others, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
I understand that infantilism is a huge issue in our community. I hate when abled people see us as children and not disabled adults/teens
But I am /so/ tired of low support disabled people speaking over everyone, to the point of claiming my accessibility needs and other high support people’s needs being met is infantalization.
Some people /need/ things to be broken down and explained in simipliar words to process the information. That need being met is not treating them like a child
Some people learn to read through children’s books because they didn’t or can’t currently learn to read at an average level, this need being met is not treating them like a child
Some disabled people need part time or full time medical caretakers, some need help grocery shopping, some need help with everyday living and showering
Just because youre disabled doesn’t mean you know every disabled experience and doesn’t mean high support needs aren’t valid.
Some disabled people do need similar things as a child like daily care and simple sentences and its honestly insulting to claim their being infantilised for having those needs
I sometimes need things broken down and explained more simply to understand. I’m currently thinking about adult assisted living programs that would help me with housing and daily needs and shopping. Because I /could not/ survive on my own in an abled person world my support needs for both my chronic disabilities and severe mental illness range from mid-level support to extremely high support.
And those needs being met does not mean I’m being infantilised
Bus stops with no places to sit down should be illegal. I mean this in the most genuine literal way possible.
Buses are the last line of defense and way to be independent for people who can’t drive or walk for long distances (me). If I walk to the stop (already painful) and have to stand there for ten minutes waiting with no seats or benches, is that really accessible? And what about people with a lot more pain and mobility issues than me? All I really have to deal with is moderate foot pain, and that still has me leaning on a wall or sitting down on dirty pavement if I miss the bus and have to wait for the next one in 15 minutes/half an hour. There should be at least one seat at every bus stop. Yes, even the non-covered ones. If you’re going to have kneeling buses and priority seating and pretend to care about disabled folks in that way, at least do this too.
I’m kinda tired of all wheelchair users in media either being in the due to a traffic accident ™ and/or being fully paralysed from the waist down.
I really want to see an ambulatory wheelchair user, or someone who’s ability is deteriorating and begin using a chair more as the media progresses (and that use is celebrated), someone who has good days and bad days, someone who needs a less common type of chair…
Someone who is like me.
Obviously the more common depections do exist in real life, and their experiences are valid and its great that they get to see themselves in media ( tho disability rep still has a long way to go), but id love to see more variety in wheelchair user representation.
Able bodied parents I’m begging you to teach your kids about disabled people. Not just because they could become disabled themselves one day but also because even if they don’t, they have a very real chance of being rude to us if you don’t teach them.
Yes, kids just say shit. They have no filter. That doesn’t make it any less humiliating when your child sits near me on the bus and incessantly grills me on why I have a stick when I’m not old. Or laughs at us for things our disability causes. It doesn’t take away the hurt when they bully a disabled classmate. For a large part these things could be avoided if you just taught your kids to respect us. It’s really not that hard.
I get the whole Mad Pride/Disability Pride thing and I have no issue with it existing. I’m really glad that it’s there for people who need it!!! /gen
I’m just really tired of having it forced on me.
Anyone can opt in or out of any community. I’m not saying that Mad Pride and Disability Pride don’t exist, or that the communities aren’t real, just that I choose not to participate. And people get mad at me for that.
So no, I’m not proud to be disabled, neurodivergent, or mentally ill.
the world doesn’t want to accommodate me. i have quite the intersection of disabilities – from affective issues to selective amnesia to physical limitations – and some people don’t want to give me what i need in order to function at the same level as them.
so today i am angry because i am an intelligent, talented, and compassionate human being who could do a lot of good for the world, and i deserve to succeed.
and if you’re a disabled person struggling to get accommodations, remember that you are too.
Watched a great talk today about web/technology accessibility, and the speaker pointed out that yes, accessibility is important for people with permanent disabilities, and we should definitely care about that. But also accessibility helps EVERYBODY, because everybody will, at some point in their lives, find themselves in situations that accessible technology can help with. Here are permanent, temporary, and situational disabilities that accessible technology can help with:
Remember that whether something is disabling or not depends on the situation, the environment, the technology, etc. We’re ALL disabled at some point. It is important to support permanently disabled people, but it is also important to remember that accessibility helps us all!
its just so fucking unfair that disabled people need extra support but in order to actually get that extra support we have to have both the energy and ability to express ourselves to deal with the bureaucracy of getting that support and i just. i am so tired.
Often the capacity to go through the bureaucracy of the system efficiently and effectively without it being massive, incredibly difficult burden means you would not qualify for the overly strict requirements of disabled, which I am certain is on purpose. I’m convinced the cruelty is on purpose. They just want us to die and they put as many obstacles in our way as possible for that reason.
Transition: In which I talk about the ways in which I envy some transgender people.
CONTENT WARNING FOR MENTION OF TRANSPHOBIA AND TRANSMISOGYNY
I am a cis woman and I’m about to write about transness. Before I begin I would like to make it clear that I support my trans brethren. Trans rights are human rights, trans identities are valid, trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary people are exactly who they say they are.
This is it. No more chair. The part that needs replacing is no longer manufactured and cannot be replaced.
It should be possible. It shouldn’t even be hard. It’s not a complicated part. Replacing the part isn’t like time travel, or breaking the third law of thermodynamics on the macro scale. It would take one person with the right tools less than a day of work to make a replacement. It’s just…
My chair is broken. It was incredibly expensive to buy because it’s a heavy duty rise and recline chair. The rise bit, which raises the seat to assist with standing, still works. So I can get up out of my chair. It’s the footrest that’s broken. That means that I can’t elevate my feet to alleviate swelling and reduce knee and ankle pain.
I know this doesn’t sound like a lot to you. I’ve been…
One of the hidden truths of being disabled is that you can always get more disabled. Another hidden truth is that often the problem isn’t one of disability but one of accessibility.
On a related note my kitchen is even less accessible than I thought and now I’m sitting here hungry and waiting for takeout.
Feeding myself shouldn’t be this hard. Even during lockdown it shouldn’t be this…
A series of pictures depicting issues for those who rely on wheelchairs.
A person with glasses sitting on a wheelchair stares at a door entrance located on a set of stairs.
Did you know… Some of us couldn’t even enter our own homes?
A crowd gathers in front of a bus, with a person on a wheelchair on the back, trying to get other people’s attention.
Please be mindful… Of those who can’t “push” their way around!
A woman with a hijab and glasses sits at a receptionist desk. A person on a wheelchair wearing a kippah is unable to reach the top to get her attention.
Simple things like reception desk height actually matters a lot!
A person on a wheelchair wearing a baseball hat backwards is unable to close the door to the restrooms. Despite this, the sign outside is marked as wheelchair accessible.
It is as if… Some doors aren’t meant to be closed!
A person on a wheelchair is frightened as their wheelchair goes down too fast down a ramp.
Did you know… That wheelchair ramps are steeper than recommended?
A man wearing a kippah is about to enter a temple, but covers his wheelchair wheels with a cover to keep the inside of the temple as clean as possible.
Wheelchairs go everywhere… But we can provide wheel covers for special places.
A picture of a parking lot Two cars are parked, one with most space to allow a disabled person to get on and off. A woman holding crutches is angered at a motorcycle parked in front of her car, which isn’t supposed to be there. A person on a wheelchair nearby notices her anger.
There’s a reason why… Certain space is allocated at disabled parking lots. And no, it’s not for your bike!
Two people stand in front of an automatic door. One is a child attempting to wave their hands to get it to open, and the other is a person on a wheelchair.
Notice that sometimes… Automatic door sensors are a bit short?
A bus is waiting at a stop. A person on a wheelchair is unable to get to the stop due to a steep ledge in front of them.
Are you aware that… Despite the upgraded buses, the bus stops need upgrading too?
A person on a wheelchair is using an ATM machine, which is placed at a lower position so they’re able to reach and use the machine comfortably.
In case you’re wondering… Why the new ATM machine designs are lower and slightly uncomfortable to use while standing up…
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my mum took a video (with permission) of a man with no legs scooting backwards up the steps of our local train station, his friend had to carry his wheelchair up for him
I’d seen this guy do this a million times before, but normally he had to drag his own wheelchair up behind him
the video was supposed to bring awareness to the fact that the government was dragging its feet about putting lifts or even a ramp into the station, but when the video went viral a lot of the comments were incredibly ignorant
“why would you film him instead of helping him”
“why couldn’t someone carry him up the stairs?”
“this is so staged”
“why didn’t you carry him up?”
“someone should have carried him up”
nobody stopped to consider that maybe he didn’t want a stranger carrying him up the stairs? maybe he didn’t trust a stranger to carry his wheelchair when he didn’t have a friend to do it?
if you wouldn’t get in a car with a stranger or let them carry your wallet, why would you let them pick you up? why would youtrust them with your only mode of transport?
it really sickened me that people could not would not see the real issue that was there and focused on how virtuous they were because they would have helped the man, they wouldn’t have just stopped to film him like a monster
(despite the fact that my mum had gotten permission to film him for an awareness campaign and not for shits and giggles or internet views)
they also didn’t give any focus or attention on the fact that the station needed fucking lifts, they didn’t care about changing the infrastructure or holding the government accountable, they just wanted to yell at someone on the internet to make themselves feel superior
don’t be like that, educate yourselves, listen to disabled people, hold businesses/governments/corporations accountable for accessibility, take the fight to the source
Resurrection(1980). A woman enters the afterlife briefly after a car crash that kills her husband. But she survives - and finds herself possessing strange powers.
This movie is absolutely bananas, but Ellen Burstyn really is incredible in it. 5/10.
for the love of god if you’re writing deaf/mute characters and they’re using sign language to talk PLEASE use quotation marks, don’t do just italics or brackets or whatever other thing it is people do. sign language is STILL A LANGUAGE. just because it’s not spoken doesn’t mean it’s not real dialogue. if you’re writing someone speaking spanish, do you write their dialogue like ‘[the flower district is down south,] she said in spanish’ like NO!!! IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT, USE QUOTATIONS MARKS AND JUST SAY THEY SIGNED.
just know that you can describe their facial expressions! or how flowy their hand movements are, if they move excitedly or animatedly when happy, if they’re slamming their hands and moving aggressively when angry, how their brows scrunch or how rigid their hands get, you can still be creative and describe what they’re conveying even though they’re not using a spoken language. watch videos of people signing! look at how beautifully expressive it is! it is a LANGUAGE, treat and write it like one. use quotation marks
Can I say something about my experience with chronic pain representation in fiction?
A trope that is very common with characters who live with chronic pain is a well-meaning able-bodied person always encouraging (and often nagging) them to rest or to use mobility aids or use pain relief/remedies etc, and the disabled character keeps resisting their help or advice.
This isn’t inherently a problem, and I do like seeing it/writing about it from time to time. If you interact with people who live with chronic pain, this is very likely to be something you experience, because people usually feel as though they want to help and don’t quite know how. However, one thing that is very rarely explored well is a character’s motivation for resisting that support.
Sometimes, the side effects of pain medication are unbearable. Especially when we are used to the pain, it can be easier to maintain that equilibrium than to gamble with side effects that may be worse than the pain or may be simply more difficult to cope with or more obstructive to what we are trying to do.
Sometimes, a mobility aid is just plain cumbersome. I rarely use a walking stick on stairs, because it is awkward, I have to concentrate on not tripping over the stick as well as my own feet and all in all the benefit just isn’t worth the trouble. If I know I’m going to need two hands free to use an umbrella or open doors or use my phone while I’m walking, I may choose not to sacrifice one of my hands to use a cane. That’s my judgement, and it is more accurate than an outside perspective.
Sometimes, especially for people with fluctuating and/or global pain conditions (like CRPS, ME etc), using a mobility aid like a walking stick will simply shift the pain from the leg to the arm. Again, our judgement here will always be better than that of a nondisabled person.
Often, and this is the most important one to me, drawing our attention to back our pain when we desperately need to ignore it is often incredibly unhelpful. This part is more nuanced and by no means one-size-fits-all, but it is something that people who have never experienced chronic pain will never understand fully, so they need to be aware of it in writing.
It is not the same as an acute (temporary) injury like breaking a bone. You can’t just imagine the last time you were injured and then imagine what it would have been like to have been injured for longer. It’s a completely different ball game that requires completely different coping mechanisms.
We don’t push through pain because we’re being professional martyrs for the sake of it, we push through because we have things we need to do that won’t get done otherwise. We don’t have the luxury of acknowledging pain all the time, because if I tried that I would have been spending every waking moment thinking about it for years. Some of us are never, ever pain-free in our entire lives.
So please, when you’re writing about characters in chronic pain and their interactions with nondisabled folks, please consider that nondisabled advice isn’t always right, that we know our bodies better even than doctors will, and that nagging disabled people to change their own behaviour without their consent may not be as helpful as you think.
Above all, remember to give us representation where we have agency and motivations completely unrelated to our disability, because we do.
ALT
