#enby ed

Just gonna stop keeping my hopes up over stuff…

Well i figured out something

If i wanna lose so much weight to look androgynous, if i hate having tiddies and it makes me anxious and sad, if i wanna look like a boy most of the time but still wanna look like a girl sometimes, if i want people to use other pronouns than she, if i’m often thinking of another, less feminine name, if i hesitate to buy a binder, if i have body dysphoria

Maybe it’s not just bc i have an ed, not bc i’m fucked up, not bc i’m a faking bitch feeling this for attention (lmao the logic here)

It’s because i’m non binary :)

(i’m simultaneously happy to figure this out and to finally put words on it, but scared of enbyphobia, transphobia, feeling invalid/à fraud, and sad bc it’s a main reason why i’m stuck into my ed but this time it’s not a temporary thing)

So where u at my nb and trans and queer and gender non conforming and non cis folks i wanna make friends ;-;

god … i just want to be able to relate to that trend where people show their thigh next to a monster can. I wouldn’t recreate or post it, just for me, i want to be able to make that comparison.

I haven’t been very active on here and I haven’t been restricting for a while until finally this week. Idk, Sunday is my birthday and school has made me feel out of control and something finally just kicked in again to make me relapse. I wasn’t really recovered, I didn’t choose too, I basically just gave up for a month or so. The self loathing was still there and seeing myself gain made me feel so guilty. Heavier doesn’t mean recovered and I definitely am not. I wanted to spiral again the whole time and finally I’m letting myself.