Hurting and healing

Like the rise and fall of my breath

༄

The way I found God

Is the same way I lost him

On my knees

Head down

Ready to bleed

Crying so hard

And grinding my teeth

Desperate to taste

The mercy and relief

That they promise you will have

If you only believe

༄

Her face split open from his fists

Her heart split open from his cruelty

Her mind split open from the inability to understand it all

༄

His touch burnt on my skin

And I, craved for more and more

It was a sin to want him

For, he was never mine to hold.

~shubhaa

And when thousands of years from now

Our story will be told

To the lovers

Their souls will be pierced

The pain would be immense

As fate would be feared

The trust would break

These ink stains

On my letter

Will tell the tale

Of love and hate

Oh, everything would perish

For, noone would love again

Because if we couldn’t make it

Neither would they.

~Shubhaa

hellorheels:

A Confession

When I told you it didn’t matter

That your eyes went sharp and hot

When you spoke her name

I lied.

When I told you I was happy

With these scraps of your heart

I lied.

And I guess when I told you I loved you

I lied then, too.

But you’ve been telling me

All these same lies lately

And I didn’t think

You’d notice

Ghost Town

I took my love with me into a ghost town

I left it there so it would know the lost sound

A panicked heart, a silenced tomb

It’s the exact same thing I would have done to you.

I’m not a prophet, I’m not a source

I’m just a girl growing all these thorns

I never wanted to let you down

Yet here we are, walking to a ghost town

Boxes

I pack it all up in boxes

I lug it from place to to place

It weighs down on my spine,

The toll this life will take.

Our lives are packed in kindling,

The world will take its tithe,

We wait in silence together

For the match to strike the grease

I can’t remember sunshine

My hurts cast too long a shade

What’s it like to drop my defenses,

Leave my hurts, erase my hate?

I want to know the feeling,

But I’m scared of what I’ll find

Will this really feel like freedom,

Or just another shackle bind?

Author Vent

I’ve been struggling with writing. It’s been going on for a while, as you know if you follow me still and are waiting for updates to my works. I’m still trying, and have every intention of continuing to write and complete each piece and bring new stories.

To try and boost myself a little, I decided to post my completed series, Night Changes, onto WattPad. If you’ve done this, you know how tedious it can be. It’s one thing when you go one part at a time, but I was uploading the entire series. I had to ensure each chapter copied, add a cover and chapter covers, I rewrote the summary. I spent several hours doing this and when I finished publishing each part, saw the confirmations as I did, I felt so damn good.

But then I went to look at my page and see how the cover looked, and it wasn’t there. No story. Refresh, nothing. Close and reopen, nothing. Log out and back in, nothing. Delete app, reinstall, log in, nothing. It literally vanished into nothing and this is the only place that will understand just how upsetting this is. I worked hard to get my work up on a supposedly amazing app and all my time and effort is gone, and more importantly that feeling I was chasing is long gone. I just wanted to publish my work, feel that pride, and continue writing new stuff.

Anyway, I’m still here. I’m trying really hard to write and post, but real life has been shitty and the best I can do is tell you I won’t let you down.

Thanks for all the support.

—Bookish of Alder

ALT

Sometimes you’ve just gotta get it all down on paper.

I turned out the way I am because I read The Bell Jar when I was 15.