#funny quotes
“Do you want to see my pecker???”
*puckers my lips and pecks you on the corner of the mouth* my lips!!! hahaha.. jokes for days - Lame joke Dujour - eUë
the hargreeves as things my siblings and i have said
- “if I had a vagina I’d fill it up with Cheerios” “you do have a vagina” “fetch the oats”
- “i’m such a milf, goddamn. What a hot-ass dude.”
- “where’s mum?” “gone. I’m your mother now”
- “a rooster’s cock could also be called cock squared”
- “the sole reason you are alive right now is coz I poked holes in dad’s condom so I didn’t have to do the dishes myself”
- “watch it or I’ll wash your mouth out” “please say with bleach”
- “what’s a mukbang? Like a food orgy?”
- “i swear one day I’ll take a piss in your bed and you won’t even know”
- “If you were a flower I’d step on you”
- “why’s your sock all sticky?” “Glitter glue”
- “Santa isn’t real” “neither is your sex life”
- “the only way I could hate you more than I already do is if you were named Chad”
- “what was that? sounded like something shattered” “oh I was looking in the mirror w—” “ah, makes sense now”
- “if you get famous one day buy me a crocodile intestine. Specifically small. Just the intestine.”
- “I wish I had a willy. Can you lend me yours?”
- “I heard some dudes talking about foreskin today. This fortnite craze is getting out of control”
- “damn this girl’s legs are so hairy it’s disgusting. Like honestly you need to learn to shave” “she’s a cat”
- “you were less aggravating before you got boobs”
- “hey thanks for letting me play football with you” “of course. I’d never miss a chance to kick something at your head”
- “would a furry without their fursuit be thought of as a skinned furry?”
- “stay young forever okay?” “hell no, i wanna get fucked up man you can’t do that at eleven”
- “FOR GODS SAKES IVE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU RANT ABOUT MICRO PIGS FOR AN HOUR JUST LET ME EAT MY BACON IN PEACE”
- “remember when we were younger and i got you cat shit for Christmas?”
- “what if cocks were like built-in pool noodles so dudes always floated in water but then vaginas were like pool filters” “I’m genuinely worried about you”
- “I’ll pay you twenty bucks if you go up to the pastor while he’s throwing holy water and start hissing”
- “you’re a dumbass but hey you make my coffee right so yknow what I love you too”
- “ok but what if I snorted this pixie stick powder” (y’all remember pixie sticks? goddamn those were the good days)
- “maybe if I stapled myself in the head it would help me get my life together”
- “you’re useless for everything except for hugs and coke”
- *solemn tone* “I’ve never seen a cat penis”
- “what do I have to do to make you love me?” “turn into a subway sandwich”
- “since you’re the only ticklish one in the house I think it was a sign from God telling us to make you suffer”
- “the only thing I stand for is getting a bj”
(op: if you can guess which quotes are mine I’ll make you a headcanon of your choice)
