#iliad memes
Iliad init
Patroclus, at Achilles’ funeral: Can i have a moment alone with him?
Odysseus: Of course *leaves*
Patroclus, leaning over Achilles’ coffin: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.
Achilles: Yeah no shit
Odysseus: Hey, Patroclus, can you take out the trash?
Patroclus: I would, but you’re already outside.
Odysseus:
Patroclus: *high fives Achilles*
Patroclus: *completely serious* I have to get something off my chest…
Achilles:is it your shirt?? I hope its your shirt please
Patroclus: Just to be sure, are you asking me romantically or platonically?
Achilles, down on one knee, ring still out: You did not just fucking ask me that-
Odysseus:are you a cuddler?
Achilles: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION-
Patroclus: yeah he’s a cuddler.
Odysseus, reading a fortune cookie: if you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.
Achilles, with a mouth full of takeout: kill two
Patroclus: please promise me you won’t die in battle. I’m scared.
Achilles: death?the onlythings that aredeadare my coremusclesbecause I’m alwayson myGRINDChiron 4:13
the song of achilles: basically
patroclus: oh no he’s hot
achilles: omg mom you’re embarrassing me get out of my room it isNT A PHASE
thetis: [homophobic hissing]
chiron: i ship it
odysseus: pff dude same
Patroclus: you know, Penelope gives Odysseus flowers everyday. I wish you’d do that too
Achilles:okay
*the next day*
Achilles: *gives Odysseus flowers*
Odysseus:??????
Achilles: I don’t know. I’m confused aswell
Patroclus: hey what do you want for dinner tonight?
Achilles: your dick
Achilles: *pick sorry autocorrect sucks
Patroclus:
Patroclus:
Achilles:
Patroclus: Achilles this is a verbal conversation
*Patroclus and Achilles sleeping together in Pelion*
Achilles: night night, sleep tight, don’t let the fury outside the cave drag you down to Tartarus
Patroclus: thaT DOESN’T EVEN RHYME-
HEYY super cool, fun, exiting, super, mega cool news: I’m writing a book!! (Ok fine its a fanfic mais tu n'es pas amusant alors c'est nul)
My name on Wattpad is @Hcrmcs and I dont have AO3
Translation: Mon nom sur Wattpad est @Hcrmcs et je n'ai pas AO3
—————————————————————————
It gonna be a patrochilles one (obvs) but I’m currently struggling to get a plot down for one where theyre already friends (imposter syndrome do be playin up rn aha) so if you have any tips, a dm would be EXTREMELY appreciated et je t'aimerais tellement, mwah mwah<33 ❤
Also, just started summer break so expect more cool content ✌
(I do speak French, it’s my og language btw lmao si vous pouvez lire ceci, alors je t'aime, dm moi s'il vous plaît belle personne. ❤
Mais si vous avez utilisé Google Translate, alors uuhh continue de me dm, vous êtes un sournois, sournois bâtard )
Achilles: You’re a piece of shit!
Agamemnon: No, you’re a piece of shit!
Odysseus(being the smart ass he is): As far as I’m concerned, you’re BOTH pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway.
Hector: I’ll be honest, I feel like you don’t like me
Achilles: I thought I had made this clear after the 12th time I tried to kill you
The song of achilles/iliad in a nutshell:
Patroclus: (texting) Anyways, I’ve gotta go, Love you.
Achilles: Yeah, me too. I have a wedding to go to soon, Love you more.
Patroclus: Achilles, it’s our wedding??
Achilles: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Achilles: Not you, Patroclus. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.
Artemis: Yeah, dad, these are all just my friends. All of use decided that we hate men and are just going to hang out. Forever. Doing, you know, friend stuff. Hunting. Definitely no sex here. You need men for that.
Zeus: That checks out. Have fun, dear.
Odysseus: Before I do anything, I ask myself: would Achilles or Agamemnon do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing and run very quickly in the opposite direction.
Patroclus:
Patroclus:
Patroclus: I don’t know if I should be angry you disrespected my boyfriend but you *do* make a damn good point.
