#patrocles
Patroclus, at Achilles’ funeral: Can i have a moment alone with him?
Odysseus: Of course *leaves*
Patroclus, leaning over Achilles’ coffin: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.
Achilles: Yeah no shit
Odysseus: Hey, Patroclus, can you take out the trash?
Patroclus: I would, but you’re already outside.
Odysseus:
Patroclus: *high fives Achilles*
Patroclus: *completely serious* I have to get something off my chest…
Achilles:is it your shirt?? I hope its your shirt please
Odysseus:are you a cuddler?
Achilles: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION-
Patroclus: yeah he’s a cuddler.
Patroclus: please promise me you won’t die in battle. I’m scared.
Achilles: death?the onlythings that aredeadare my coremusclesbecause I’m alwayson myGRINDChiron 4:13
the song of achilles: basically
patroclus: oh no he’s hot
achilles: omg mom you’re embarrassing me get out of my room it isNT A PHASE
thetis: [homophobic hissing]
chiron: i ship it
odysseus: pff dude same
Patroclus: you know, Penelope gives Odysseus flowers everyday. I wish you’d do that too
Achilles:okay
*the next day*
Achilles: *gives Odysseus flowers*
Odysseus:??????
Achilles: I don’t know. I’m confused aswell
Achilles: You’re a piece of shit!
Agamemnon: No, you’re a piece of shit!
Odysseus(being the smart ass he is): As far as I’m concerned, you’re BOTH pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway.
Hector: I’ll be honest, I feel like you don’t like me
Achilles: I thought I had made this clear after the 12th time I tried to kill you
The song of achilles/iliad in a nutshell:
Patroclus: (texting) Anyways, I’ve gotta go, Love you.
Achilles: Yeah, me too. I have a wedding to go to soon, Love you more.
Patroclus: Achilles, it’s our wedding??
Achilles: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Achilles: Not you, Patroclus. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.
Odysseus: Before I do anything, I ask myself: would Achilles or Agamemnon do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing and run very quickly in the opposite direction.
Patroclus:
Patroclus:
Patroclus: I don’t know if I should be angry you disrespected my boyfriend but you *do* make a damn good point.
Patroclus: Okay, you’re saying Achilles married you?
Deidameia: Oh yeah, we’re hitched all right. Till death do us part.
Achilles: [tying a rope] Mhm, I’m working on it…
Patroclus: ACHILLES NO
Odysseus: Patroclus, where is Achilles?
Patroclus: By the GODS, why does everybody think that I always know where Achilles is? Maybe I don’t know. Maybe I don’t care. Maybe I have a life outside of being his companion. Or maybe he’s a full-grown man who can go where he pleases. Have you ever considered that?
Odysseus:
Patroclus:
Odysseus:
Patroclus: he’s speaking with Nestor in the Pylian part of the camp but that’s not my point
If you’re ever think your s/o doesn’t pay enough attention to you, remember that Patroclus’ bf choose his mf honour over him.
“Patroclus. I have given them enough. I will not give them this.”
- Achilles about Patroclus (page 166)
“Do you think I wish them all to die? But I cannot. I cannot! I will not let him take this from me!”
- Achilles yelling at Patroclus about his honour (page 308)
Patroclus: Why did give a knife to a child????
Achilles: Phyrrus felt unsafe.
Patroclus: Well now I feel unsafe!
Achilles: I’m sorry
Achilles: …would you like a knife
Thetis
*cries*
I just realise i have a bunch of Song of Achilles stuff from july that i never posted