#incorrect clone wars quotes
Commanders + Rex
Cody: Remember this?
*When they were cadets*
CC-3636(who has had an extremely bad day and just wants to polish his armour in peace): Can you pass me the cloth?
CC-2224 (who decided it was time to be Sassy™️): Are your legs broken? Doesn’t look like it… perhaps your arm-
CC-3636: No, they’re not broken but yours are about to be.
CC-2224: No need to snap at me.
*flashback ends*
Wolffe: …What prompted this?
Rex: In any other situation, they would have called you ‘Snappy’ for the rest of your life.
Bly: Commander Snappy of the Snap-squad.
Wolffe: …Thankfully that wasn’t the case.
Ahsoka (who just found out Fives doesn’t believe in aliens): So… if aliens did exist what would they look like.
Fives (immediately responds): Green, big eyes, tall, no hair.
Ahsoka: Like this then? *holds up a picture of a Rodian*
Fives: No, that’s not an alien that’s a rodian.
Ahsoka: How about this *holds up a picture of Nute Gunray*
Fives: HE’S A SEPARATIST! AND ALSO A NEIMOIDIAN NOT AN ALIEN.
Ahsoka: *realises how strongly Fives does not believe in aliens* Okay…
*Aftermath of the latest Domino Twins prank*
Jesse: WHY DO I HAVE GLITTER ON MY BLACKS?
Hardcase: IT’S NOT COMING OFF.
Jesse: FIVES, ECHO!?!??!?!
*somewhere in the vents*
Ahsoka: Mission accomplished?
Echo: *thumbs up*
Fives: Yep!
*Fives and Echo are trying to prank Torrent*
Echo: We’d need a distraction in order to fill the washers with glitter in the first place.
Fives: What kind of distraction are you thinking of?
Echo: A Jedi kind of distraction.
*one hour later*
Ahsoka: ALRIGHT. GATHER ROUND. IT’S TIME FOR THE WEEKLY GAME OF ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS. TODAY’S PRIZE WILL BE THIS. *Ahsoka holds up a chocolate bar*
*visible confusion amongst the ranks*
Hardcase: Uhhh… Commander?
Ahsoka: Ahsoka but yes?
Hardcase: What is that exactly?
Ahsoka: *dramatically gasps as she prepares a 30 minute speech about chocolate and winks at the Domino Twins* YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF CHOCOLATE?
Fives: You know the Mandolorians that don’t take their helmets off? Why do they always order things when they’re waiting for someone. They aren’t gonna take the helmet off so they just sit there looking intimidating with a beverage they’re not gonna drink…
Fives: Echo, can we do that?
Echo: Not take our helmets off?
Fives: No, look intimidating.
Echo: …by not taking our helmets off?
*The newest Shinies of the 104th are worried because THE GENERAL HIMSELF has requested to see them*
Shiny 1: It’s the end of the line.
Shiny 2: We’re gonna be…
Plo: *opens door to office and invites them in confusing them more*
Plo: It has come to my attention that I haven’t had the chance to do this yet.
Shinies: *WE’RE DOOMED*
Plo: *places two datapads onto the desk* YOU’RE ADOPTED! SIGN THESE!
Shiny 1: …
Shiny2: Huh?
Plo: You may also call me Dad if you wish to do so off duty.
Anakin: *The shower sink is clogged in his room and he finds a ball of hair in the drain*
Anakin: AHSOKA!!!
Ahsoka: What? EW WHAT IS THAT?
Anakin: THAT’S JUST WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK YOU!
Ahsoka: *looks at the hair ball* …
Anakin: …
Ahsoka: I DONT EVEN HAVE HAIR DON’T BLAME THAT ON ME.
Anakin: BUT YOU’RE A GIRL?
Ahsoka: And how would you possibly know what another person’s shower looks like that just happens to be a female?
Anakin: …shut it. Not a word to Obi-wan.
*Echo trying to talk to Fives who isn’t listening*
Echo: *sighs* RIGHT. I’M GETTING A TATTOO.
Fives: WHAT??! WHEN? HOW!?!? WJIFUEUAIJDGGSH
Kix: You’ve broken him
Echo: Now that you’re actually listening! No. I’m not getting a tattoo, that was just to get your attention.
*Fives is still having a breakdown over the fact that Echo said he would get a tattoo*
Fox: I don’t get paid for this.
*Fox tiredly gesturing to more of the Chancellor’s “delegated” paperwork*
Stone: Doesn’t the saying go “I don’t get paid enough for this”?
Fox: I don’t remember us ever being paid, full stop, never mind enough.
Hardcase (bursts into the barracks): GUYS WE HAVEN’T DONE OUR LEAVE WORK!!!
Jesse: LEAVE WORK? WHAT LEAVE WORK?
Hardcase: THE COMMANDER WAS DOING A TONNE OF RESEARCH AND I ASKED HER WHAT FOR AND SHE SAID LEAVE WORK THEN I REASLISED WE HAVEN’T DONE OURS, WHY AREN’T YOU PANICKING WE GET BACK TO COURASANT TOMORROW!!??
Jesse: …
Fives: …
Echo: You know we’re not Jedi? We don’t have to study Jedi stuff?
Hardcase: Oh…
Commanders + Rex
*Cody, Bly, Gree and Ponds arguing who the best behaved battalion is*
*Rex reflecting on how chaotic the 501st is and how there was a fire in the showers (of all places) last cycle*
*Fox watching the show whilst simultaneously filling out 3 metres of paperwork*
*Wolffe not even bothering to partake or keep up with the furioustyping*
Palpatine: The time has come, Execute Order 66.
Cody: What if we didn’t?
Palpatine: …Excuse me? I said, Execute Order 66.
Cody (passive aggressive tone): What if I didn’t?
Palpatine: You will Execute Order 66, it is in your programming.
Cody (internally offended Palpatine was comparing him to a droid): Will I though?
Palpatine: YOU WILL EXECUTE ORDER 66.
Cody: Will I?
Palpatine: YES.
Cody: Really?
Palpatine: EXECUTE THE ORDER!!!!
Cody: Should I?
Palpatine: ARGH!!! *dies of a heart attack due to pure frustration with Cody’s infuriating unsureness to execute the Order, whilst cursing the Kaminoans*
Cody: Hello?
Boil: What was Order 66 again?
Cody: I have no idea. I was trying to delay his order so I could find out what it was.
*Fives and Echo are in an ‘interview’ with Anakin*
Anakin: So Rex told me you two are creative.
Anakin: In what ways are you creative?
Fives: We’re good at creating problems-
*Fives gets elbowed in the ribs by Echo*
Echo: And by that he means problems for the enemies.
Fives: Uhh… Yeah! We’re good at making their lives difficult.
Anakin: Aaand interview PASSED. Welcome to the 501st. Or as other people call it, “the Home of the Problem Children” or “The Chaos Legion.” I’m sure you’ll both fit in perfectly.
Fives:Oh we will.
Fives: Echo, could you send a message to the Commander on the secure channel? It’s time for another Domino Twin Chaos Event.
Echo: Send her a message yourself… I’m not your secretary.
Fives: Yeah…
Fives: But you know the passwords… and I don’t?
Echo: Point taken. Okay I’ll send her a message.
Commanders + Rex
Cody: This… This isn’t possible.
Bly: IT’S OUTRAGEOUS!
Fox: ??
Rex: We had a ‘Best Jedi’ poll and General Plo won, with votes from the entirety of the 104th as well as quite a few shinies from other legions.
Cody: Even from the 112th!!!!
Wolffe: *radiates smugness through the coms*
Gree: Bold of you to assume that they didn’t vote out of fear…
Gree: Not that the General does not deserve 'Best Jedi’, he’s just not the Jedi I personally voted for…
Maul: I’ve never had a friend before…
Ahsoka: I can be your friend.
Maul:…
Maul: I’ve never had an apprentice before.
Maul: Run away with me.
Ahsoka: Why?
Maul: Join my emo band.
Maul: Hold me.
Ahsoka: I am holding you.
Maul: Hold me like you mean it.
Maul: Are you ever going to listen to me?
Ahsoka: Yes. Absolutely.
Maul: When?
Ahsoka: When you’re right.
Maul: I have an idea
Ahsoka: No murder
Maul: I no longer have an idea
Maul: If Lady Tano thinks she can just bat her cute little eyes at me and get whatever she wants, she’s absolutely right.
Maul: So, before we head into a potentially fatal, life threatening mission.
Maul: Anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me?
Ahsoka: I’m the only one here
Maul: Is that a yes-
Maul: Lady Tano, as much as I hate to admit this, you’ve become my best friend.
Ahsoka: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I’m your only friend.
Ahsoka: I’M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DRAMATIC ASS!
Anakin: Y'know, the Jedi Council treats me like a God.
Quinlan Vos: How?
Anakin: They ignore my existence until they need something from me.
Steela: Would you slap your best friend in the face for two million dollars?
Ahsoka: I would roundhouse kick Anakin in the face for free.
Obi-Wan: Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on in here?
Ahsoka: It’s kind of complicated, but Skyguy—
Obi-Wan: Got it. Forget I asked.
Anakin: I have a plan.
Obi-Wan: does it involve breaking the law?
Anakin: don’t you think that’s a given by now?
Ahsoka: I gave you my house key for emergencies.
Maul, on Ahsoka’s bed: Well, I had an emergency.
Ahsoka: What is it?
Maul: I missed you.
Caleb: Master Skywalker and Master Kenobi are screaming and shouting outside, don’t you think you should do something?
Ahsoka: You’re right, I should.
Ahsoka:[closes the window]
Anakin: I am a father.
Obi-Wan: It’s R2.
Anakin: HE’S MY BLOOD!
Rex: So, what was your childhood like?
Anakin: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at least level 3 friendship to unlock?
Rex: …What level am I at?
Anakin: 10. So it all started-
Kit Fisto: What happened to my fun best friend?
Mace: Fun? I was never fun, you take that back.
Anakin: I got the Gucci shoes Snips wanted for Christmas
Obi-Wan: She asked for Converse, Anakin.
Anakin: Okay well at least she’ll be comfortable in style.
Maul: Lady Tano!
Ahsoka, internally: There he is; he’s here. My favourite person in the world, the love of my life. Fuck, I just want to stare at him, and hold him, and kiss him for the rest of my life——
Ahsoka, out loud: What the FUCK do you want.
Obi-Wan, holding a cauliflower in front of Anakin’s face: What is this?
Anakin:
Anakin: A cauliflower?
Obi-Wan, to Quinlan Vos: Now tell Anakin what you think it is.
Quinlan Vos, arms folded: Ghost broccoli.
