#incorrect spiderman quotes
Peter Parker: Mr Loki, can you come to school with me tomorrow?
Loki: Why? What happened?
Peter Parker: I have an assignment to bring something important to me to school and I was hoping if you’ll go.
Loki, happily crying and hugging Peter: You’re important to me too Spiderchild!
Thor: Loki, can you…?
Loki:No
Thor: *walks out of the room and walks back in with Peter*
Peter Parker: Mr Loki, can you…? :D
Loki: Yes, of course sweet Spiderchild :)
Thor, sighing : … Really, Brother?
Loki: We’ll what did you expect, Thor?
Loki: How can I possibly say no to the Spiderchild’s adorable face!?
Peter: I would never try to make MJ take care of me. She is my girlfriend not my caretaker or mother. I’ll be damned if I try to make her raise me, I am no man-baby!
MJ: You go, Parker.
MJ: ….cough cough I’d still get pretty turned on if you called me “mommy” from time to time though
Peter: What was that?
MJ: Oh nothing
Peter: I just can’t believe it, I’ve never been so embarrassed before.
MJ: I’m so sorry. *pulls him in so his head is against her stomach so she can delicately wrap her long arms around his head to embrace him*
MJ: Let’s just relax, cool down, and think clearly. It’ll be okay. *kisses his head*
Peter: Thanks baby. *nuzzles into her*
…
Peter: MJ-MJ-baby-I-ACK
Peter: *is getting squeezed hard and his face starts getting shoved a bit too hard into her stomach*
Peter:mmgfmfmfmnffmfm
MJ: … !!!
MJ: Oh shit, sorry! *lets a gasping Peter go* I was… I’m.. I’m sorry. I got a little carried away.
Peter: Being hugged tightly by you is one of my favorite things but lets not get that carried away again, eh?
MJ: Absolutely. I’m so sorry.
MJ: *in her head, she is NOT sorry for all the deeply embarrassing and VICIOUS ways to get back at Flash that she was just daydreaming about*
I feel like Peter says the following quote a LOT once he gets together with Michelle
“Jesus. I knew my girlfriend was beautiful but have some MERCY on me”.
Tabloid show on TV: Woman embarks on quest to achieve the Guiness world record for world’s biggest ass!
MJ: What if Ihad the world’s biggest ass? What would you think of it?
Peter: What do you mean what if you had the world’s biggest ass? You’re already the world’s biggest ass whenever you finish a puzzle before I do!
MJ: *shoves him off the couch*
Not MJ wearing short trunks and swim shirt to the pool, and Peter falling completely over himself as he tries to come up with as many compliments for his girlfriend as possible because she looks so. Goooood.
And not MJ hiding her face after a bit because the boy she loves is showering her with sincere compliments and because he finds her that attractive.
Okay but how funny was it at the beginning of Far From Home when Peter was telling Ned “hopefully MJ feels the same” and “I think she really likes me”
Like boy she has been GONE for you since you two were in 4th grade
Peter: Um just the sandwich and a drink for me.
MJ: You’re not getting fries?
Peter: I shouldn’t, I was wanting to get a little more lean with my workouts and all.
MJ: Suit yourself.
*later*
MJ: *watching Peter while she eats her burger*
Peter: *has already finished his food but fails to hide glances he takes at her fries*
MJ: *clears throat* I ordered XL fries for a reason.
Peter: … you’re the best
MJ: *smirks through a full mouth*
America: Dreams are actually looks into what’s happening to your Variants from the multiverse.
MJ: So that means that the dreams I’ve had where…. Wait, how old are you?
America: I’m 14?
MJ: … then I won’t go into details about it, but…
Peter: But what?
MJ: But that means a LOT of my Variants are having a… um, good time. With you *looks at Peter*
Peter: … are we reading books together?
MJ: yeah let’s go with that.
That epic choir going OFF when Peter takes his last look at MJ and Ned was actually Jon Watts going in the future and recording the internal screaming we did as he ripped Peter away from his loved ones, ripped MJ away from the boy she’s been in love with since she was ten, and ripped Ned from his best friend for life Michael Giacchino you’re not slick
Peter: My phone died and I don’t know how to get home.
Ned: I’ll google map the nearest bus stop for you. Oh, wait. It’s quite far. I’ll go with you.
Peter: That’s ok. I’ll just take a picture of the map.
Peter: *takes out his phone*
Peter: *looks at the black screen for 5 seconds*
Peter:Oh.
Kidnapper: We have your son.
Peter: Uh, I’m 16?
Kidnapper: …We have your dad.
Peter: I don’t have a dad.
Kidnapper: *tearing up* Aww, kid, what happened?
Ned: Come on, Peter! If you don’t tell MJ how you feel, she’s going to leave you and then you’re gonna have to play chess by yourself!
Peter: Jokes on you because I already play chess by myself!
Ned:Dude…
Flash: Yo, Penis! I need some help with the Physics homework.
Peter: Why should I help you?
Flash: Because I’m going to stop calling you Penis for a week.
Peter:…Deal.
Flash: If any of your friends ask, I WAS ALL OVER YOU FOR TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND!
Peter: And if any of your friends ask, YOUR GIRLFRIEND ACTUALLY TALKED TO ME!
Maguire!Peter, to Norman after they get back to their universe: Looking for your knife? You should try my back. That’s where I’ve last seen it.
