Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Dom Female Reader Characters: Jean Kirstein, Levi Ackerman, Sasha Braus, Connie Springer Rating:NSFW Content:Overstimulation, dacryphilia, marking, edging, brat-taming, forced submission, worship, orgasm denial
This is another request! AHHH! Thank you so much @Sayakarii for your support, I hope you enjoy it ^v^ Writing this was a blast! We stan horse boy up in here. <3
This is set in season 4 when Jean is 19-years-old :) There are NO SPOILERS for season 4 of Attack on Titan but there may be a few for the first 3 seasons. Please be wary. This is also not accurate to season 4, I’m just making shit up.
“Y/N! Watch out!” Your head snaps toward a blurred object flying towards your face. You narrowly dodge it with a quick adjustment to your in-air height. You glance back at Sasha who gave you the warning. “Thank you!” You shout back. You knew that going into battle was going to be a challenge, but never had you imagined it to be this degree. One wrong move or strayed attention and you’ll be dead in seconds. While, of course, you’re terrified – There’s also that rush of danger that seems to make you smile all the while facing almost certain death.
“Y/N I swear if you cheat death one more fucking time–” You hear a voice call out from the distance to your right. You look over to see Jean flying through the air with his brows furrowed. “Sir yes sir!” You holler before swiftly avoiding the debris flying through the air from collapsing buildings. You had always been known on the squad as the one who just barely misses death.
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“I’m tellin’ ya Y/N, this luck of yours is insane.” Connie huffs, throwing off his ODM gear. You follow suit, feeling the weight lift off of your waist. “It’s more of a curse at this point.” You joke. Feeling a strain on your neck, you rotate your head to stretch it out. “Get rest tonight.” The striking voice of your captain Levi echoes through the room. “From here on out there won’t be any breaks.” You groan quietly at his remark while you refill the tanks to your gear.
Your eyes dart up to Jean on the other side of the room. He appears grumpier than usual. In fact, it reminds you of your old training days with him as a teenager. You slide off the wooden boxes and trot over to him. “What’s with the sour look?” You ask, bending over so your eyes are level. Jean shakes his head as he continues to refill his tanks. "What? You ignoring me or something?“ You ask as you stand upright, throwing your hands on your hips. Yet still. Silence. Anger slowly bubbles inside your chest, growing impatient at his childish behaviour. "That’s it.” You grab him by the scruff of his neck and pull him towards you. “You’re coming with me.” With no further comment, he follows obediently.
Once you reach your personal quarters, you push him inside and lock the door. “Wanna tell me what that shit was about?” You ask, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow. Jean clenches his jaw. Clearing avoiding eye contact with you. “You really don’t care. Do you?” His words catch you by surprise. “Pardon? Care about what?” “Yourself!” He yells, stepping closer toward you. “You have no fear for your own life. You go out into battle like it doesn’t matter if you return or not.” He pauses. Now frowning and heaving to himself. “Fuck you.” You look to the floorboards, trying to hide your smile as your tongue grazes over your lips. “And what does it matter to you?” You ask, looking back up at him with a cocky look plastered on your face. “Go fuck yourself.” He huffs whilst looking at you through his downturned eyebrows. “I think you should be a little nicer, Jean.” You warn, adding a vindictive emphasis on his name. “Or what?” He tests, getting in your face. Just a few mere inches away. “What can you do. Huh?” It was the one thing about him that never failed to tick you off, the headspace that he was always the one in charge no matter who he was facing. Aside from Levi of course.
You flash him a fake smile before grabbing a fistful of his hair and throwing him to his knees. Jean grips your wrist of the hand that’s tangled in his hair, trying to release the pressure on his skull. “Let’s try that again hm?” You grin, forcing him to look up at you. Jean scoffs at you and squints his eyes. “You really think you can dominate me?” His condescension just pisses you off that tiny bit more. “Yes.” You pull him in closer to you, tightening your grip which makes him wince. “I do.” He raises an eyebrow, obviously in denial that you could make him submit to you. “I’d like to see you try.” He titters. “Careful what you wish for.” You nudge the tip of your boot-covered foot against his crotch, taking note of the tent in his pants from being completely erect. “If I were mistaken, I’d say you’re enjoying this.” You tease, slighting rubbing him through his pants. “Tell me, what part made you hard? Was it when I pulled your hair? Or is it when I forced you onto your knees?” You shift in tone sent chills down his spine. Jean’s cheeks flush to a bright red, eyes slightly glazing over. You can tell he needs one more nudge to throw him into subspace. You graze your thumb over his bottom lip, now noticing him urging forward in desperation for a kiss.
You straighten yourself and walk away from Jean who remained on his knees, watching you intensely as you sit on the edge of the bed. “Come.” You command, throwing one leg over the other. Jean vigorously shakes his head as if to snap himself out of the state. “You really think I’m gonna–” “Jean.” Your tone now far more forceful. You lean forward and stare at him, eyes of ice and filled with intimidation. “I said come.” He says nothing. Strictly obeying your command, he attempts to stand. You click your tongue with displeasure. “No. Crawl to me.” Jean body visibly trembles under your command. He slowly but surely crawls on all fours and sits by your legs. “Good boy.” You lift his chin with your foot, making sure that he’s looking up at you. With no further words, you rest your leg over his shoulder. He makes no hesitation to kiss you through your clothes all the way from your ankle to your inner thigh. Worshipping your body as if you were his new God. You run your fingertips up his neck, his head tilting up with the movement. You lean further in to him, lips just inches away. Jean’s eyes begin to flutter shut, awaiting your contact. You barely sweep his lips with your own, far too light to be a kiss. “Hm. I don’t think you deserve it yet.” You whisper. His mouth gapes open yet he says nothing. A frown paints his face. You smile at his obvious frustration.
“Please…” His body jerks as your hands slowly explore his upper half. Every touch that you lay on his body just makes it all the more obvious that he’s in subspace. His sensitivity now at its max. “Please what?” You taunt. Knowing exactly what it is that he wants. He bites his bottom lip, trying to work up the nerve. “Help me…” His eyes full of desperation as he motions to his crotch. “Hurts.” You look down, considering giving him what he desires. A wicked plan brews in your mind. “Okay. Come sit up here.” You say, patting the spot beside you. Jean practically jumps to his feet and crawls over. You straddle his legs, leaving enough room to touch him.
You tie his wrists together with your belt and pull down his zipper at an almost agonisingly slow pace. Unsurprisingly, his cock springs free at the release from its previously cramped space. Jean exhales at the feeling. Even if you hadn’t known how horny he was before, it was oh so obvious now. Rock hard and already leaking precum. You smirk to yourself, taking it as a compliment. You slide your hand down his cock, coating it in his own precum. You set yourself for a rhythmic pace, not too fast for him to come yet not too slow to be dull. Jean dips his head back, engulfed in the pleasure. His mouth agape and letting out shallow breaths. You quicken your pace. His legs jolt at the sudden speed. Jean covers his mouth with his hand, knowing that anyone who walks past could hear through the door with cracks in the wood. He groans lowly, signalling that he’s close. As his voice begins to break, you let go. Taking away his stimulation and denying his orgasm. Jean whines and stares at you with a frustrated look. His flushed cheeks and heaving chest is a sight you find rather cute.
Purely out of spite from his behaviour earlier, you repeat this process. Over and over until Jean begs with tears streaming down his cheeks. You teased him until he because so sensitive that all it could take is one singular touch and he’d immediately come. “P-please! Please let me come. Please I need it so bad.” He cries out, not caring who hears. His eyes stained red from crying, the view of it all stirs an animalistic desire within you. You wrap your hand around his neck and lean in to his ear. “You wanna come so bad? Fine.” Your words send goosebumps over his body. He watches intensely as you slide your pants down just enough to expose yourself without having to remove your harnesses.
Jean inhales sharply as you hover yourself over his throbbing cock. With a devious grin, you quickly sink down. His entire length stretches your insides causing you to gasp. You had forgotten just how big he actually was. That one action is all it takes for him to reach his climax, shooting his cum deep inside of you. Jean’s body trembles from the release that he had been chasing for what felt like hours. His head rests against your shoulder where he attempts to catch his breath all the while choking back on his tears. You ignore his exhaustion and continue to bounce on him. Jean’s head springs up to look at you. “W-wha–” “You really thought I’d stop there? Oh no baby.” Your hips slam against his thighs. Jean shrieks at the overstimulation, still too sensitive from his orgasm. “Please!” He cries. “I can’t! I can’t come again! Hurts!” You remain ignorant, now picking up your pace. More tears fall from his eyes. In a moment of softness, you give in to a kiss. He hungrily kisses back, whining against your lips. “Good boy, just a little longer.” You pant, knowing that your own orgasm is vastly approaching.
As you approach the final build-up, your lips connect with his neck. Sucking deep hickies into his skin. Jean yelps at the overwhelming sensations. With your climax in close proximity, you bite down onto his shoulder. Sinking your teeth so deep into his skin that blood trickles from it. It seems as though not even Jean could compose himself as he comes for a second time, filling you completely with his semen. You ride out the high of euphoria, panting against Jean’s almost crumbling body. “If you… get off now… it’s gonna go everywhere.” He says between breaths. You laugh to yourself. “And whose fault is that mr you-can’t-dom-me.” Jean rolls his eyes and kisses your temple. “Definitely noted to listen to you next time.” You wipe his face of the now drying tears. “Levi said we should get rest tonight.” He watches as you free his hands from the belt-bind, the tightness leaving faint bruises. “Maybe don’t tell him about this…”
__________________________________________________________________ I’M BACK BITCHES I stayed up like all night writing this cos sudden inspiration. Also- Y’ALL I LEGIT MISS SUBSPACE SO MUCH WTF You know when you just like lose all concept of reality and it’s just ‘obey’ UGH Haven’t had any action in yonks heartbeenbrokesomanytimes :,)
Eden felt it deep in her bones that an expedition would be thrown at them soon. It kept her up at night, tossing and turning as she wondered how many lives would it cost for them to trudge beyond the walls once more.
She decided pushing herself during training would have been the best way to exhaust her thoughts. She sparred with every single squad member for hours on end. Then, she’d run laps until her muscles would give out and she no longer had any physical power to contemplate anything.
“Get into pairs,” Levi had snapped one of those days, flexing his arms against his chest as he impatiently waited for his subordinates to match up. Jean raised an eyebrow as Eden shuffled towards him, smoothening her hair down as she cocked her own brow.
“I’ve decided I want to keep today’s sparring session relaxing. I can’t be bothered to put in much effort, no offence.”
Jean snorted in response; whacking Eden on her arm. “None taken. I can’t exactly be afraid of a toddler dressed up in soldier attire.”
Eden tried her best to feign offence, but his comment made her burst out laughing. She kicked him in the shin when she finally calmed down and caught Levi’s glare with her peripheral vision.
The girl took a deep breath, clenching her fists as she viciously began the sparring session with Jean. He was quick to move out of the way and she was faster at calculating her next move. It pleased her immensely when she managed to topple him to the floor, albeit their difference in body mass and size.
“You’re lucky you’re just cute and I feel bad I might hurt you too badly,” Jean coughs as he grabbed Eden by the hand, using her as an anchor to pull himself up. She grinned widely at him, shaking her head as she stretched lazily.
Connie and Sasha were messing about, Mikasa was with Eren, Krista and Armin were together whilst Levi watched over the pairs with extreme distaste.
Or perhaps it was just boredom.
She listened to Levi correcting Connie’s stance and scolding Sasha for fooling around. Her amber eyes flickered away awkwardly back to Jean when the Captain’s own hard glare shifted towards her. Eden’s guts twisted uncomfortably and she wanted to heave.
The vivid dream from a few days ago had also plagued her mind. It felt incredibly real, as though it was Levi’s real fingers dragging against her flesh as she had panted under him. The coldness of his touch made Eden’s spine shiver, goosebumps peppering against her skin.
Her cheeks were always a tainted peachy shade and it was incredibly difficult for her to maintain eye contact with him for a long period of time. Thus, she decided it was best to avoid him as much as possible.
“Eden, let’s go eat; we can train again later,” Jean pulled her back into reality, his hand squeezing her waist gently as she blinked slowly.
“Alright, I guess you’re a masochist or something. I don’t know who else would want their asses kicked by a toddler,” Eden deepened her voice, mimicking Jean who in turn chuckled lightly.
“Maybe I’m just into strong women who are able to defend themselves,” he replied back cynically, the corners of his lips tucking into a wicked smirk. Eden rolled her eyes, freezing her movements when she heard Captain Levi’s cool voice from behind them.
They saluted him formally and he nodded back stiffly. The wind ruffled Levi’s hair as he marched towards them, the strands flickering before his eyes- not that it seemed to bother him.
“You’re dismissed,” he scowled at Jean, jutting his chin back towards the castle, wordlessly commanding him to leave. The younger boy hesitantly accepted his order and left sulkily, glancing back at Eden who reassured him with a smile that never reached her almond eyes.
“When you’re done, come to my office brat,” Levi instructed her in a composed manner; his eye twitching at the sight of her wordlessly staring down at her boots as she followed him back to the headquarters.
Her silence irked him deep down, but his indifferent mask stood stoically against his face. Levi brushed past her when Eden glanced at him quickly before mumbling her affirmation. She watched him stride away, the confidence in his walk practically oozing out of him; his white shirt clinging to his body exquisitely. Eden felt her heart strain painfully as she stood staring at him walk; deciding she’d take a longer path back to base.
With folded arms across her chest, Eden intently listened to Armin share his strategic plans with the rest of the group. They had all gathered in the Captain’s office, the parchment map neatly sprawled against his impeccably polished desk; Hange, said Captain and the rest of the squad circled around it.
Armin nervously spoke, stuttering every once in a while, completely captivating his audience with his scheme talk. A few chosen squads- including part of Levi’s Squad- would venture out into the openness of Titan territory within Wall Maria.
There had been countless reports along the Wall Rose claiming there had been a surplus amount of humanoid creatures seeping towards human territory from the South-East direction.
It was a risky mission Commander Erwin had bestowed Hange- who in turn decided Armin was fittest for cooking up a plan of action. Eden’s heart faltered slightly as she thought about all the poor souls destined to lose their lives the following day. She contemplated whether there was someone else who was currently thinking about how they’re probably standing beside someone who’s got less than twenty four hours left in their hourglass.
Hange took over when Armin was done with his share of opinions. Eden caught his stare and smiled warmly at him; the twitch of her lips faltering as her grim thoughts infested her mind. He grinned back at her, nervousness abstracting him from catching onto her contorted, saddened face.
“This is a highly significant mission that could ultimately lead us one step closer to find out the secrets laying in your father’s basement,” Hange broke Eden’s reverie as her eyes settled on the key resting against his chest. “We’ve supposedly sealed Wall Rose’s breach. But, if the claims are true and there is a sudden increase in titan sightings; then maybe something else is going on,” Hange stroked her chin idly as she stared down at the faded parchment.
A haughty “tch” slipped out of Levi’s lips as his grey eyes finally ripped themselves off the map.
Once the meeting was adjourned, everyone made their way towards the exit of his spacious office and Eden followed sulkily. She missed being on the battlefield, knowing her actions could someday bring humanity closer to freedom; but she was deathly afraid of being paralyzed by grief once more. She cringed at the thought, her slowly footsteps leading her closer to the threshold. Until he called out her name.
She tilted her chin to the side, staring down at the floor from the corner of her eye before listening to him irritably command for her to turn around and face him.
Eden closed the door softly, trembling fingers engulfed around the icy metal of the handle, her hand flexing behind her back as she made her way closer to his desk.
Her lungs began burning intensely as her cheeks flamed up upon meeting his levelled stare. She forced herself to hold his gaze, blinking back at him through velvet lashes. Levi’s jaw clicked, the muscles in his mouth growing tense.
“I must say, you seem to be slacking,” Levi began, watching her carefully from behind his chair, fingers brushing against the headrest. Eden’s own bones clenched, her full lips concealing the way her teeth grinded against each other.
“Instead of improving your skills; your result levels are mediocre and stay the same…dare I say they’re worsening by your lack of concentration.”
His words hurt her wounded ego. Each syllable hurt more than the previous one- like salt being continuously pouring into an open gash. Eden’s knuckles grew as pale as the parchment still spread across his desk.
“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? I could have worked on everything today,” Eden inquired in a sharp tone, ignoring the glare he sent her way.
“I guess I just came to the conclusion now. I think your skills are lacking and it seems like your concentration levels are far off, brat. It’s sickening to think that a fellow comrade could potentially lose their life because you were too busy daydreaming about other things,” Levi replied in a venomous tone, his monotonous voice making everything sound even worse to Eden.
She stared at him wide-eyed and in horror. “With all due respect, Captain, but what the hell? I’ve proven myself to you countless of times; I’m ready to lay my life down if it meant saving others from that fate. I would never, ever allow myself to lose focus, especially during a life-or-death situation…”
“You should sit out of this mission. Spend the time thinking over your faults and then depending on the outcome, I’ll decide whether you’ll join us on the following expedition,” the Captain coolly cut through her words, craning his head to the side as he rubbed the bridge of his nose in irritation.
His nonchalance made Eden seethe.
“Why do I have to sit out of this when I’ve demonstrated that I can handle this? I don’t want to stay here…-”
“This is an order, Eden, we’re not negotiating here,” he lashed out at her, albeit his consistent, unbrokenly-calm reverie. “I will not have anyone killed out there because of you.”
His words poisoned her heart. She was so taken aback, she physically had to force herself to stay on her feet- her mind growing murky. Her mind flashed back to Petra and Oluo, Eld and Gunther.
“Excuse me? Are you actually trying to insinuate that the death of your comrades were my doing? I was smashed against a tree by a 14-meter tall titan and you’re really going to turn around and blame their deaths on me?” Eden’s voice came out high-pitched and broken as she slowly edged closer to the desk.
“After you saw how hard it was for me to accept their deaths, you’re going to turn round and saying the one thing I never thought I’d hear you say…” Eden’s eyes burned with tears as she violently blinked them away, the familiar anger Levi so comfortably sparked inside her grew lit once more.
She shook under her clothes, the tremors sending jolts of adrenaline through her as she desperately tried to keep her cool; to no avail.
His words had caused a different type of heartbreak within her soul.
She extended her arms to keep herself from falling, her body leaning in over the desk as she stared at him through infuriated, betrayed eyes. “How dare you try to blame this on me?”
Levi finally looked back at her, his own grey eyes enlarging ever so slightly as he met a pair of hazel eyes filled with an unfamiliar fire that he could swear he had never known before.
He challenged her wordlessly and it took all within her not to flinch and break under his stare.
But Eden knew her limits and when he scoffed under his breath; that border was long forgotten and overpassed. She ripped the map off the desk, hauling it to the floor before grabbing the empty tea cup and smashing it against the wall behind Levi.
The man did not flinch as he watched Eden stalk around the desk, her expression contorted into one revealing immense anger.
“You keep telling me you want to see me fight and give my all, right? Well, let me prove to you that I’m a soldier who’s willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of the greater good.” Eden aimed to punch his face, wincing slightly when he casually seized her wrist, twisting her round until her back collided with his chest. His hot breath tickled her neck as she writhed against him.
Using her elbow, she shoved the bone into his ribs and used the one split millisecond she had whilst Levi was recoiling to spiral out of his arms and aim a kick towards his face.
But no matter how unanticipated her moves were, Levi was always one step ahead of her. She snarled in frustration as he blocked her upper-cut punch, both of his hands pressing against her collarbones as he shoved her hard against the wall; knocking the wind out of her lungs.
He snaked his fingers around her wrists as he pinned them against the wall, forearms pressing against her arm as she shuffled between him and the wall.
“Are you going to behave or do I need to tie you up, brat?” Levi muttered, tilting his head upwards, eyes holding hers as he kept Eden pinned with enough force to make her limbs go numb.
She huffed under his grasp and suddenly it dawned to her how incredibly foolish she had been acting. But his words, his indifferent tone; it caused her so much pain, she didn’t feel like she had it in her heart to ever forgive him.
Eden could practically taste the tension in the air. It settled around them like fog, clogging her lungs and her ability to think properly. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, heart voraciously beating against her ribcage.
The girl was close enough to see that Levi’s eye color was a concoction of grey and blue. She searched every inch of his face as he immobilized her against the wall, iron grip never faltering.
Hazel eyes flickered towards downturned lips causing her own lips to part slightly.
Scrunching her eyes shut, she shoved him hard and he stumbled back. Eden stared at him dumbfounded; completely not expecting his steps to falter. This was perhaps the first time she had caught him off guard.
She darted towards the door, gasping shakily when Levi grabbed her by the elbow, pulling her away from the exit.
“You don’t just start shit like this and then leave whenever you please,” he growled under his breath, brows scrunched together as he clenched his jaw tightly. Eden pulled her arm out of his grasp, glaring back at him before turning to head towards the exit at a faster pace.
Edging closer to the door; she violently spun around by the grip he inflicted upon the back of her neck, pulling her back towards him.
“Don’twalk away from me,” Levi said through gritted teeth, watching in wonder as Eden’s face reddened in fury. She shook her head forcibly and grabbed his hand. He stared at her haughtily as she yanked his hand off her skin before sprinting out of the office.
She vaguely heard Levi call her by her name and after reaching a few meters outside his office, she slammed into a tall lean figure.
“Eden, what the hell?” Jean asked in a perplexed voice as he pulled her back onto her feet; his grip tightening when his gentle eyes met the hard glare of the Captain.
Jean’s eyes shifted from Levi’s menacing stare to Eden’s troubled ones and with gritted teeth, he went to step towards their superior.
Eden leaped in front of him, gripping his sleeve tightly as she wordlessly told him he was about to make the gravest mistake of his life. Jean hesitated, but nonetheless took a step back; his insides burning with immense rage when Levi’s brow raised in a vexing way.
The girl continued pulling at Jean’s sleeve silently, leading him away from the Captain’s office. She craned her neck to peak back towards him; his stone-cold eyes meeting hers before he slammed the door of his office shut.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Eden repeated after Jean continuously urged her to reveal the outcome of her hour with Levi, but no matter how hard he pressed her, she did not back down. “Just a stupid quarrel. He told me to sit this expedition out instead of joining you guys tomorrow…”
Jean huffed under his breath as he walked her back to her bedroom. His forearm rested against the frame of the open door as he stared down at Eden with a frown.
“I can stay and hang out with you, if you’d like?” Jean muttered out as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
“No, Jeanie-boy, you need to rest, you have a long few days ahead of you.” He rested his arm around her shoulders as he pulled her closer.
“Admit it, you’ll miss me.”
Eden smirked as she pulled away gently, biting on her bottom lip. “Maybe just a little bit.”
Bidding each other good night, Eden closed the door lightly before changing into her oversized shirt and shorts and throwing herself into bed.
Hours had passed and she could not stop thinking about everything. About the expedition, about Levi…and then Jean…and then Levi again. She groaned, thinking back to Jean’s words earlier that evening.
Quietly padding through the dead hallways, her heart ached as she thought back to her altercation with Levi. It took all within her not to swerve her body into his offices’ direction as she continued straight ahead.
The girl quietly waited outside his door until it slowly cracked open.
“Eden?”
She looked up at him, blinking at the sight of his bare, lean chest, the way his muscles rippled when he stretched.
“Jean, do you want to hang out?”
He groggily rubbed his eyes before letting go of a breathy laugh, moving to the side, admitting her entrance. He was dressed in just sweatpants, the v-line on his body highly defined. It made Eden’s cheeks grow pink as she silently thanked the dimness surrounding them.
Pulling her knees against her chest, Eden settled her back against the wall as Jean leaned back against his headboard. The sat in comfortable silence until his deep voice brought her back into the room.
“Listen, are you sure you’re okay? I swear, if that man tried to hurt you in anysort of way, I will…-”
“I already told you, it was nothing. You know me, I just get upset very easily and I don’t like being put into time-out,” she replied hastily, running a hand through her freed locks as Jean watched her. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to risk your position in his squad just for me.”
He snorted, lips curling upwards mischievously. “Maybe I’m just using you as an excuse to fight with the Captain and then once I get kicked out, I’ll form my own squad. Then, I’ll have you recruited.” Eden laughed at his words, gently shaking her head as he scowled at her.
“Yeah, you’re right. As if Levi would allow me to transfer you into my own squad.”
“Oh sure, because that was the only fault in your plan, right?”
“Yeah yeah yeah,” he brushed her words away as he chuckled and she moved to swat at his arm. But, Jean was quicker and he pulled Eden closer to him by her arm.
Her eyes widened when she realized that she was straddling him. She awkwardly settled against him, causing him to grip her by the waist to stop her erratic movements. His fingers flicked the hair off her neck, settling around the curve of her throat.
“What are you doing?” She sighed out when he tilted his head to the side, pulling her closer to his face by her neck.
“I just wanna see something,” he muttered, thumb brushing against her jawline. Eden let out a low, shaky breath as she kept her eyes settled against his.
Jean swiftly captured her lips with his own. The kiss was tender and gentle. It made Eden melt away within the comforts of his bedroom; far away from the unknown deep waters that’s every other aspect of her life. He pulled her closer by the waist, his toned arm snaking around the small of her back as she shifted in his lap.
A moment later, she ripped her lips away from his, gasping for air; her forehead pressed against his as he waited for her patiently, eyes closed, taking in her sweet taste.
Eden’s arms were looped around Jean’s neck, her chest pressed against his as her face scrunched up at the forbidden thoughts beginning to plague her mind. She wanted to cry out in frustration as her mind imagined stone-grey eyes glaring at her.
She swore she could taste unsweetened black tea on her lips as her mind messed with her, bringing out images of Levi. His captivating stare, his constantly downturned lips, the dark circles under his eyes made Eden feel nauseous with emotions.
Her lips collided with Jean’s in a harsher, more vicious manner. It was as though she no longer needed to breath, she needed something more to succumb to her unquenchable, carnal thirst. Soft moans and mewls escaped in between her heated, desperate kisses as she tried to rid herself of the intensely grey, sunken eyes that could not be erased from her mind.
Jean let out a groan when she tucked on his hair, feeling his sharp undercut graze against her fingertips. Through closed eyes, Eden imagined the stark contrast of straight, charcoal-black hair against her pale fingertips; forcing her grip to grow stronger.
Her brows were scrunched together and her eyes were tightly squeezed shut. A single teardrop managed to wet her velveteen lashes as she drowned in the idea of her lethal Captain under her.
Yes, this is a Levi x Reader story. But, in this household, we take the enemies-to-lovers/ slow burn tropes v v v seriously. Stick around for more and thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to read the story! xx
An hour into open territory and Eden began noticing the sky filling up red flares. She swallowed hard, urging her horse to continue matching her squad’s pace.
They persistently switched courses, avoiding as many titans as they could. Eden felt like her heart was stuck in her throat as she watched a thick forest filled with immensely large trees edge closer and closer to them. Deep within her bones, she felt like something was terribly wrong.
It was going so well until Erwin commanded Levi’s squad, along with the central column wagon escorts carrying some type of special target restraining weapons to enter the forest. Everyone did as they were told and Eden looked back to meet Eren’s cautious stare, only to get wacked across the head by Oluo as he told her to focus.
The deeper their horses led them into the forest, the more uneasy Eden began feeling. Suddenly, the razor sharp sounds of ODM gear sliced through the air as two Scouts appeared behind the squad. Eden craned her neck as she watched over her shoulder, her heart faltering at the skinless titan with straw-colored hair and piercing blue eyes.
She gasped as the female titan swatted the two aerial scouts like flies; the sound of their bones crunching against the trees mentally imprinting in her mind. It sprinted towards them, its physique athletic and lean, as though it was going on an afternoon jog.
“Captain! Tell us your orders, sir, it’s catching up with us!” Petra shrieked beside her, the panic in her voice thinly veiled. The rest of the squad began voicing their concerns, each individual holding a different essence of panic in their tones as they pleaded for Levi to give them the green light.
Eld Jinn pulled his blades out, fingers holding onto the handles tightly as he cursed the female titan in a venomous voice. Eren started voicing his own thoughts as he fought a battle of his own- unsure as to who he could trust. That was when Levi whipped his head to glance at the titan for the first time, his hooded stare giving away nothing but boredom. It made Eden feel reassured that he probably knew what was to happen.
But, who’s to say that those narrowed grey eyes kept well-concealed panic within the Captain himself? She chose to completely disregard that thought for her own comfort.
“Everyone, cover your ears,” Levi barked out over the sound of the horses’ hooves coming into contact with the Earth floor. They all followed his instructions as he pulled out a sound grenade.
The blast reverberated through Eden’s core as it echoed into her brain, the sound waves hurting her covered ears. She waited for Levi to signal for them to switch to ODM; but his voice never broke the deafening silence between the comrades. She looked back at Eren with wide, hazel eyes- the way his brain was visibly processing everything as his palm inched closer to his lips.
She listened to Petra’s pleading, her beautiful amber eyes filled with tenderness as she begged Eren to trust his team. Their goal was to protect Eren- as Levi had said- and his well-articulated speech directed to the young boy resonated deep within the young girl’s soul. Eren had the power to transform into a ravenous beast once his teeth grazed the soft flesh of his hand. But instead, he chose to sit back nervously and trust his Captain’s judgement.
Truth be told, it shocked Eden. The boy she had grown up with was an impulsive wreck on the verge of a breakdown at any given moment. He thought with his heart, not with his brain. And to see him falter like that truly made her think just how much trust her comrades had in Levi.
She looked upwards, the muscled fist of the female titan wide open as it stretched towards Eren. Eden gripped her horse’s reins tighter.
Then it all happened so quickly.
The sounds of canon fire seeped through the air like a never-ending parade of lightning bolts. Flashes of yellow, orange, red and white danced around Eden as her mouth dropped.
It had all been a well-designed trap. Levi’s silence had paid off. The trees surrounding them were filled with veteran scouts, hands pressed against the canons filled with rope that had struck the female titan in every single open area against her skin.
They rode in silence for a little while; away from the entrapped beast.
“Halt further upwards and switch to ODM gear,” Levi commanded, his voice calm and collected as his boots pressed against his horse’s saddle. “I’ll need to break away for awhile. Eld’s in charge. Keep Eren hidden.” His eyes moved to meet with Eden’s pained ones, as though realization that they were about to be truly alone crept into her. “And tend to my horse.”
He flexed his gear’s grapples, the hooks ripping through a nearby tree bark; whisking him back towards the female titan.
Eden held onto her breath until her lungs started burning, her stomach churning uncomfortably. She felt nauseous.
“A spy. Are you sure?” Gunther’s question had ripped Eden out of a trance as they stood atop several tree branches; fists clenching against their blades.
“Well, no. But I’m sure Commander Erwin believes it. Think about it, Captain Levi had us use Eren as bait for the sole purpose of leading the titan into the trap created by the Commander. Seems to me there’s some sort of suspicions going on within the upper ranks. What if there’s someone else who possesses the same titan abilities as Eren?” Eld replied thoughtfully, stroking his chin as he spoke.
“Maybe the reason why he didn’t let you in on the plan was not because he doesn’t trust you, but because they were uncertain as to where this titan spy was placed within the ranks?” Eden continued, earning an astute nod from the second-in-command and Petra.
Oluo scoffed, waving his weapons in the air towards Petra. “You see that, snivel-drops? Even our newbie doll over here cooked up a better assumption than you.”
Petra rubbed the back of her neck, closing her eyes as she sighed. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I guess I was wrong for questioning the Commander and Captain’s trust in us.”
The chattering continued for a few more minutes until Eld instructed them to move.
They switched to ODM gear, soaring from branch to branch as they glanced up at the sky expectantly. A green flare painted a line through the sky.
“Must be the Captain,” Eld muttered as he shot a green flare in response, letting the rest of the squad members know their course had changed.
Eden’s sweaty palms gripped on her gear for dear life as she elegantly swooped from one branch to another; careful not to waste too much gas. That knot in her stomach continued tightening and growing; reaching her lungs as she struggled to control her breathing.
The ghost of goosebumps licked against her skin as she noticed an extra person edging closer to her squad, blades extracted. Her scream left her throat a moment too late as the traitor’s weapon sliced against the thin flesh on Gunther’s throat.
Everything after that was clouded by a blur of emotions and adrenaline. Eld had shoved Eren forward as he yelled for him to keep going. Eden bit her lip as she commanded herself to stay strong; the sight of Gunther’s hanging corpse becoming smaller as they sliced through the air at immaculate speed.
“Go Eren, get back to the Scouts. We’ve got this!” Eld commanded in a hard voice, Eren’s deep-blue eyes seeking refuge in Eden’s hazel ones.
“I can’t leave you here, I’ll fight too…-”
“After everything, do you still not trus…-”
“Eren, if you want to reach your goal. You’ll leave,” Eden spat out, interrupting Petra harshly. “You’ll go and leave it to the team designated with your protection to deal with this obstacle. Please, if you care about the promises you made me keep; that day in Shiganshina. The promises you made Armin and Mikasa swear to. If you really meant all of that, you’ll go…” Eden finished, her voice breaking.
Eren looked like he was going through the greatest turmoil in existence. He gritted his teeth, eyes glistening as he nodded towards his comrades. Towards Eden.
“I won’t let you down,” he forced out, memorizing the way Eden’s face contorted into a lopsided smile; her features relaxing. Suddenly, she looked like a normal 21-year old girl; her face rid from the agony that had become part of her everyday routine.
“I know you won’t,” she whispered, her voice swept away by the forceful hands of the gushing wind. He continued onwards as the rest of the squad slowed down their gears. There was a crackand a bright light emitted through the fractures of space between the trees. Much like when Eren transformed into a titan.
That couldn’t be good.
The muscular form of the determined female titan came into sight as she charged towards the remainder of the Special Operations Squad. With a yell, they attached the hooks of their ODM gear to the upcoming trees, closing in on the titan.
With Eld and Oluo flying in the titan’s eyeline, Petra and Eden lowered themselves a couple of meters above the ground. The men spiraled in the air, hooks sinking into the titans eye sockets as the two women worked on slowing her movements down.
Blood splattered against Eden’s skin as her blade sliced through the tendons of the titan’s ankles, an exasperated cry seeping out of its wretched mouth. It grabbed onto Eden’s iron wires, yanking her away from her partially-severed foot; throwing her against a nearby tree column. She let out a bloodcurdling cry as she felt her ribs snap inside her chest, her eyesight beginning to blotch. She focused on her breathing, her lungs trembling at the pressure and pain.
Eden didn’t have the power to pick herself up as she lay twisted against the floor. The familiar taste of metal engulfed her senses as the liquid trickled down her brow, staining her skin, lips and teeth. She felt so helpless, utterly vulnerable- served like a fresh meal on the decaying ground.
The sound of blades fracturing flesh sounded around Eden- her eyes squeezed shut as the blood and headache punctured her brain. She heard screams, first a female one…and then a male one calling after her.
By the time she had managed to squeeze one eye open; her heart had dropped down to the pit of her stomach; the screech that came out of her lips terrifying and broken.
Petra’s body lay crushed up against a nearby tree, her soft, strawberry-blonde hair moving with the breeze. Oluo’s corpse settled against the ground several meters away from her. Eld was gone too. They had been defeated.
Accepting that picking herself up on her two feet would be practically impossible; Eden dragged her body towards Petra’s; her salt tears mixing with her crimson blood. She didn’t even have enough power to cry out loud, for she had fallen into shock.
Groaning and grinding her teeth, she pushed onwards; completely missing Eren’s transformation as he took on the female titan with vengeance oozing through his veins.
Eden continued making her way to Petra when the sound of metal hooks clenched against the tree’s casing resonated beside her. A familiar harsh grip settled on her shoulders as he flipped her body around.
She landed on her back, the sudden movement causing her to choke. Levi descended to his knees, his virulent eyes wide and blank.
“What the hell happened here?” He snapped in an urgent tone as his gaze fell to Eden’s chest and the blood stains that would not evaporate.
“I don’t know…we saw the flare. We figured you wanted to find us…turns out it was the titan in human form. It came and killed Gunther…then transformed…and…-”
“Alright, take a breath. Are you badly hurt?” Levi’s jaw clenched as he watched Eden nod tightly, lips pursed as she bit back a cry.
“I’m not sure, Captain. I think my ribs are fractured, if not broken. If you can just help me up, I’ll finish the…-”
“Like hell you are, brat,” Levi commanded, voice frigid and absolute as his fingers gently pressed against her shoulder. “I’ll see to Yeager. I want you to stay put; I’ll come get you when it’s done. And don’t you darefall asleep,” he finished, scowling down at her the small sense of relief coiling within the Captain as his soldier gave him a tight nod.
Within milliseconds; he disappeared towards the sounds of titan clashing into titan. Eden’s eyes dropped, but she shook her head to keep herself awake. She knew that in these instances, it was vital not to fall asleep.
But as her eyes grew heavier and her fingers grew colder; that fact began completely slipping out of her mind. The last thing she could remember before her world got painted black were his stormy grey eyes that could see through everything, but reveal nothing.
Soothing movements rocked Eden out of her reverie. Her head was pounding and heavy; her ribs were crying and her heart was bleeding.
She felt like a wreck as she slowly came back to consciousness. The horse’s hooves clashing against the even ground; distant, grim chattering and the sound of wagon wheels all overwhelming her at once. Eden shot forward, only to have her waist grabbed by the person behind her. He settled her back onto the saddle, gripping the horse’s reins from behind; his forearms brushing against her nonchalantly.
The young girl glanced back and was met with Levi’s usual, indifferent stare. His physiognomy was so detached; as though they had just come back from regular sparring.
“Stop moving before you topple off my horse. I have no interest in scraping the horse’s hooves for remnants of my cadet,” Levi huffed, his cloak’s hood framing his chiseled face as he silently urged the horse to pick up its speed.
Eden looked back ahead, watching the wall edge closer and closer.
Were they really back home?
She paused, face contorting into a hurt expression. It doesn’t really matter. This was all for nothing.
Walking through the city was hell on its own. The scrutinizing glares and judgmental eyes of the citizens pierced through Eden’s body. Levi had leaned over and muttered for her to ignore it all hardly tended her nerves.
She kept her head trained forward as she listened to a male citizen push through the Regiment, conversating with the Captain directly. He was soft-spoken and his words were filled with pride.
Then, he had uttered out her name.
The name that had made Eden’s heart stop; her lungs fighting for air.
He continued inquiring about her, only to be met with Levi’s screaming silence that had answered all of the citizen’s questions for him.
The following day, Eden lay in the infirmary part of the Scout Regiment’s headquarters. Eren was strapped to supplement tubes in the cot beside her, napping loudly.
Jean came to surprise Eden in the morning. Historia, Connie and Sasha were also recruited by Levi to live in the castle. It was eerily strange having them around; as though they were cadets, fresh out of the Training Corps; eager to take down to world.
There wasn’t much discussion, but from what Eden could remember, when Mikasa and Armin came to visit her; they had told her that Captain Levi had personally handpicked the remaining members of the 104th Training Corps, in order for them to train and protect Eren as Hange continues with their titan-shifting progress.
As for Captain Levi; he was never around. At least not in the infirmary, anyway. He had dropped Eden off that same day and left without a word, or even a glance behind his shoulder. It stung Eden.
“Did you hear that Captain Levi had a girlfriend?”
“No- I think she was his fiancée.”
“What was her name?”
“Petra, I think? Petra Ral.”
She listened to Sasha and Connie discuss the deceased girl as a chill struck through her.
Were they sweethearts?
Eden gripped her sheets until her knuckles grew pale; a white, hot ball of fury coiling within her. She wordlessly fumed, her mind soaring from question to question. Why did she feel hurt and discomfort at the words uttered out by her comrades?
Brushing the queries aside; Eden concluded with the fact that she was just mourning. With everything happening so quickly, the youthful cadet did not have enough time to properly grieve away her feelings.
But even Hange came to visit her in the infirmary. Could it be that he was blaming her for what happened to his squad…his beloved?
Eden pulled up her oversized pajama shirt, her fingers gliding against the the black bruises starkly juxtaposing the porcelain skin on her torso.
On the brink of being broken- just severely ruptured. The nurse told her to stay away from training for the time being and be careful when she moved around.
But, as she lay in her cot seething and battered; she began feeling disgusted with herself. Levi had saved her from the same fate she was due to experience as her fallen comrades. And he hadn’t mentioned them at least once.
Disregarding the miniscule voice squeaking in the back of her head to head back to the infirmary; Eden made her way through the coldness of the empty hallways and towards the Captain’s office. It was past twelve, so she had no fear of running into someone unexpected. And she was almost certain he was be still be up.
She waited for his voice to invite her into his office and she saluted him after closing the door behind her. He waved her salute off with a tired hand, his fingers seeking refuge on the bridge of his nose.
“What is it, brat?”
Eden pursed her full lips, ignoring the growing pain in her temple. He looked almost as bad as her. The skin under his eyes a ghastly coal color, the way his brows scrunched in the center revealing a different, more unmasked side of him.
Her charcoal locks swished against her shoulders as she made her way to his desk, arms folding awkwardly against her chest; careful not to meddle with the bandages under the thin fabric of her shirt.
“I just came to ask you how you’re doing,” Eden said in a soft, almost gentle way. Levi finally looked up at her.
“I’m fine,” he declared in an even tone; his expression a blank canvas that made Eden perceive that he could be feeling any type of way right now. But, she would never know.
“I’m sorry the expedition was classed as a failure. I wish I could have done better…to help Eren…to help them…” Eden’s voice broke off in a whisper as she barely managed to finish the sentence. She felt as though she was at the brink of falling into a vortex of insanity; her heart couldn’t cope with the flickering images of her fallen squamates in her mind.
“You did what you could,” Levi stared up at her from his chair as he paused, lips pressing against his teacup. “There’s no point for you to start blaming yourself for things you can’t change.”
Eden huffed, his insensitivity striking her across the face. She pushed the stray strands of hair behind her ears as she meticulously reflected on her next words.
“I know- I mean- I’ve heard that you and Petra were close,” she rushed as he turned his frigid stare back to her face, “I understand if you think this is none of my business; but if you feel like you want to vent, I’m here to listen.”
“Right. Is there anything else you need?” Levi asked slowly, almost as though it were a question. Eden couldn’t think properly in that moment as she began feeling that pit of anger and despair bubble up within her. She felt like this flame was too powerful for her to tame as it slurred within her circulatory system; making its way to every inch of her body. Every crevice was filled with this lawless, bewildering animosity that blocked her from thinking straight.
She huffed, turning her back to Levi as she stalked towards the exit. Her fingers covered the doorknob, muscles pulling the heavy door open. But before she could stop her own actions; her arm slammed the door shut with a loud thud.
Twisting her body around in Levi’s direction; Eden’s eyes blazed with hot fury and torment as she strode over to his desk.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She yelled at him, her ribs pressing against her lungs in a twisted way; the reaction resulting with her almond eyes brimming with tears. Levi’s lips parted slightly, the frown growing deeper, his eyes widening slightly.
“No no, I mean it, what the hell is wrong with you? How can you sit there, commanding everyone to clean and train and prepare for the worst when you lost your entire squad?” Her voice was filled with emotions, her heart palpitating in her chest, so hard she could barely hear herself over the sound of her blood rushing. “It’s all about trust and being a team; but when they are gone, you suddenly stop giving a shit? I haven’t even being in your team for that long; I understand if expecting you to at least askme how I’m feeling could be a little far-fetched; but what about Oluo? And Gunther and Eld? And Petra?” Eden cried as he slowly stood up, his left eye twitching as though he was ready to beat her to death.
“I don’t know who the fuck placed all these fairytales in your head, but you need to calm down and start thinking straight,” Levi warned her in a low, phlegmatic way.
She let out a heartsick laugh. “That’s a twisted way of -once again- avoiding your emotions. How can you be so heartless…-”
“You don’t know the first thing about me,” Levi barked out, catching the way she flinched at his tone. “You know absolutely nothing about the way I feel. How can you stand here whining because I didn’t physically show you my grief?”
With a few long strides; Levi stood before the quivering girl. He clutched her by the jaw, shaking her as he yelled in her face. “You don’t know how many people I’ve watched die. You have absolutely no idea how it feels knowing that the people you were once in charge of are now dead.”
Levi roughly let go of a distraught Eden and she winced as her heart clenched painfully. “Didn’t you come to me saying you feel this weight of responsibility on your shoulders? I thought you- of all people- would understand the pressure of obligation meant,” the Captain spat at her, his voice dripping with venom.
And torment?
Eden couldn’t believe her Captain. She stood there trembling and thrashing back at the images of her fallen comrades as they flickered through her mind as though they were imprinted into an album.
Levi watched her carefully with his peripheral vision. Eden walked back towards him, jabbing a finger against his chest as the tears began flowing down her cheeks. “You don’t get to guilt trip me into feeling shitty for coming to you now. Or that night. And maybe I don’t know what it must feel like to lose people over and over again; but when I do lose someone I care about; I can’t exactly keep a blank face on and go around telling people to clean the second floor for the third fucking time that day because you miraculously found one speck of dust on the staircase railing.” Her jabs turned into shoves as she let out an overpowered cry.
It was all too much. His eyes, his apathetic voice, Petra’s smile long-gone, even Oluo’s frustrating quips. Eden’s knees weakened as she felt him grip her biceps; the devastated sobs coming out one after the other. It was the type of pain that clenched her heart until she physically couldn’t think properly- knowing there was nothing else to be done but accept the fact that she needs to move on.
She fell to her knees and Levi smoothly dropped beside her. Eden fell back against his chest, her shoulders convulsing, the tears a never-ending river of sadness stroking her skin. She felt his arms awkwardly embrace her smaller frame; side pressed against his body as she cried into him.
Eden didn’t even have the power to feel sadness anymore. Numbness crept through her, but that somehow sliced through her heart in a different type of way.
Nonetheless, she sat crying in the Captain’s office and he was more than willing to let her do so.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
Was it three? Four? Jean didn’t really count how many years had passed since the last time he saw you. It was the happiest day of his life when he finally married the woman of his dreams, the first love from his previous lifetime, and his forever more in this one, too. How romantic. To love the same person over and over again.
The venue was decorated so prettily, and he wanted to thank you along with his wife for creating such a blast. You were the best wedding organiser out there, at least to him, you were. Ever since he bumped into you inside the antique bookshops, spending about five years with you as a dear friend, he knew he could count on you.
So imagine his surprise when there was only your assistant idling around by the end of the day. With a folder in her hand and a notebook with your handwritten tucked inside. Something for him. Just him, not the others, and of course not for Mikasa.
He needed time to understand the reason. Reading page by page for a bazillion of times since he was afraid he missed some information. He hoped you hinted where you would go or what you were going to do in between the lines as his heart skipped a beat faster. Thinking that maybe you tried to say something.
But even after he read it every day before he fell asleep, Jean learned nothing from it except a little fairy tale that was now engraved in his brain.
There was a little girl. So naïve — not knowing what kind of danger lingered outside the wall.
Walls. Titans. Such a bizarre story you had written there. About survival, friendship, different beliefs and so many more condensed into your notebook. There were some sentences he felt so familiar with, especially when the girl interacted with her best friend. Some promises, the banter and how they teased each other.
Jean had a smile plastered on his face every time he read it, as if he was reminiscing some old memories. One that he could never forget with how precious it was to him.
One that he eventually did without him being aware of it.
“I am ready now.” Turning around, he couldn’t help but wolf-whistle when he saw how gorgeous his wife was. “Do I look good?” She twirled around, raven hair floating in the air as she showed off her emerald body-con dress, hugging her body so perfectly.
“Babe, all men would be jealous of me to have you in my arms.” He let out a small chuckle and pressed a deep kiss on her lips, leaving a wet smack sound when he pulled away. “Let’s go then. I am betting the others are waiting.”
Mikasa Ackerman, now Mikasa Kirstein. The smugness on his face every time he remembered how his friend gawked at him never faltered. Even after years went by, he was still proud of having such a pretty lady to be called as his wife. The days that went by felt like he was newly wed all over again since she never once changed.
Something that made him want to wake up every morning, knowing how perfect his life was. Yes, perfect. But not complete, never complete.
Jean didn’t know what else he needed. He had a wife that loved him so, a stable job in such a prestigious law firm, and an adorable dog that had become their kid for the last couple of years. Marco once told him that maybe he wanted a baby, but even when he knew Mikasa could not bear children, he didn’t feel disappointed at all.
That was what made him decide to travel around the world in his free time. Taking his wife with him as they went on a random journey every time. He tried to find the meaning of life, what could have possibly made him whole. Some said he needed to be grateful. He did, he always did, with what the world had bestowed upon him.
Yet, after a few years went by, and he still had that gap in his days, he ended up taking it as some kind of redemption, perhaps an atonement over his sin in the past life.
“Goodness, is that Sasha?” Mikasa pointed at someone who was now standing in front of the restaurant with her husband, Niccolo, right beside her. “She smuggled something inside her bag. She never changed, Jean.” A small giggle slipped from her lips, followed by a deep chuckle from him as he parked the car.
A reunion. Just a small one in between him, Connie, Sasha, and Marco. The golden quartet, you once said. And the four of them thought it had become a quintet ever since he brought you into his house and introduced you to them. But now, it was back to just them, never once changed as no one actually fitted in as easily as you.
Taking a deep breath, he felt a shiver down his spine the second he was out of his car. Winter was never kind to those who went out, they knew that, but it wouldn’t be them if they were not being stubborn. After all, three years had passed ever since Marco moved to New Zealand, and since he was coming back, they had to celebrate.
The second he went inside the restaurant with his wife, a loud cheer from Connie and Sasha resonated throughout the place, making some pairs of eyes turn to face him. Mikasa could only chuckle at that, always loving the warm atmosphere every time the two rascals were around before she pushed Jean to get them.
He didn’t waste a time and just ruffled his best friends, feeling so light as he felt like this was the only moment he felt almost complete. When their friends surrounded him, tears pricked the corner of their eyes from too much laughing, making fun of each other to no end to the point they were embarrassing each other.
And for a split second, he thought about how everything could be much better if you were still around. If only you were not gone without a trace.
“Starting the reunion without me?” A smooth, angelic tone that belonged to the only sane person in the group stopped them from killing each other. “I thought we were here to celebrate my return. Guess not, huh?”
“Oh, come here Mr Bodt!”
The husband and wives of the quartet knew it was time for them to enjoy their time, giving their loved ones some moment to reminisce about life. Three years wasn’t short for Jean, Marco, Connie and Sasha, who used to spend their time together for probably the first fifteen years of their life since elementary school.
Jean felt like the night was perfect. The fact that one of his best friends returned to Paradis was also a plus. Knowing they could hang out like they used to, having back the routine he once lost, maybe after this, he would feel complete.
And oh, he felt exactly that. He felt in every fibre of his being the second Marco leaned away and cleared his throat to reveal someone else that went with him to the reunion, someone that Jean thought would never see again.
There was you, in all your glory. With the same smile he remembered the last time he saw your face. He couldn’t move his body, lips slightly parted as he thought his eyes deceived him. You were here. You were coming back to them, to his life.
He wasn’t able to grasp whatever Marco said as the ravenette patted your shoulders. His pupil followed you around, looking at how you kissed Sasha’s cheeks and tried to calm her down since she was crying by now. Connie just had his jaw dropped to the ground, saying no way! repeatedly underneath his breath as it grew louder and louder.
You fitted back in so easily. Just like that. Here again as if you never left in the first place. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wondered. Jean felt happy, fuming, hurt, all at the same time because he longed to see you, to have you in his life. He had lost you once before. He didn’t want to lose you again.
“Hello, Jean.” You waved your hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his reverie. “How are you? I saw Mikasa before. She’s as pretty as ever! Bet you have been treating her right with how much she glows.”
“Oh, you know me.” Of course you did. He didn’t need to explain or say much since you were the one who knew him best, after all. “I always treat those I love with everything I can give to them, anyway.”
The missing piece of the puzzle appeared out of nowhere. Slipping back into his life and making his time searching for it came to waste. It was you. Always did from the first moment he tugged your wrist. The person who was so important that he felt like he had lost something when you were gone without a trace.
You kept your hands on your lap as you sat beside him, with Marco on the other side as he asked what you wanted to order. Jean couldn’t help himself but pointed at some dishes on the menu, things that he felt so sure you liked. If those four years you went missing didn’t change you, you would pick one of his recommendations.
And the night rolled on without a hitch. No one thought it was weird to see another lady in between the rowdy quartet. Yes, you always belonged there. Not even one spouse thought you weren’t supposed to be among them.
Sometimes Connie and Sasha would ask what you had been doing. After all, even though you could click right in with them so easily, they were still curious about what happened in the vast gap of years they missed you. Whether you were happy, whether you missed them too, whether you found someone —
And when you smiled and glanced in hisdirection. The two immediately kept their lips curled into a soft smile.
They didn’t need to ask more. They understood without you needing to elaborate with words. But Jean? He did. He needed to hear you spell it out for him.
However, when stupid banter and over the top jokes replaced the somewhat serene atmosphere from before, he stopped himself. Maybe he could ask you later when the two of you were alone. You were always more open around him, and he hoped a few years apart didn’t change that part.
It was almost ten, and they were the only crowd who stayed in this restaurant. The only customer left. Marco felt like it was time for them to end the night, much to everyone’s dismay, since tomorrow was Monday anyway.
They had to get enough sleep so they wouldn’t get hazy in the morning for work. At the reminder of that, the rest of the group could only groan and nodded, dispersing to get fresh air since there was some alcohol flowing in their blood.
Jean thanked Mikasa for accompanying him, smiling all the way to his ears when she gave him a kiss and told him she would be the one who drove. It was really nice indeed, a surprising night since he didn’t expect you to be here again, to appear with his best friend and grace him with your presence that was long gone.
Walking towards the balcony, he lit his cigarette to clear his mind. And lady luck seemed to be on his side tonight the moment he saw you leaned in at the railing with a glass of water in your hand.
“I thought you were going home.”
“Hm? Not yet, Jean.”
He leaned his back on the railing, puffing out some greyish smoke into the air. Five feet apart, because he knew you disliked the smell of the burned cigarette.
You didn’t even turn to face him. Not a gesture of surprise could be seen as he stepped inside your space. He wondered what you were thinking, and most importantly, he wanted to know why you came back after all those years.
“I read your notebook every day.” But if he wanted you to tell him everything. He needed to play his card right. “Before I sleep. Every day, ever since I received it.”
Jean didn’t let you question his commitment. Clarifying what he had done for the last four years. He wanted you to know how much your existence meant to him, and how the past years without you there had been consuming him little by little. Even though you were just his best friend, he cherished you as much as he did for his wife.
“I see.” He glanced at you, wanting to see your reaction. You only twirled the mineral water around, not even an ounce of emotion changed your neutral visage. “What do you think, then?”
“It was heartbreaking.”
“Of course. It’s not really about rainbow and—”
“But also nostalgic, in a way.”
Your pupils dilated at his words. There, the exact emotion that he couldn’t fathom. You stopped responding; you stopped whatever words you wanted to say and merely — existed. Hell, sometimes he thought you didn’t even breathe when you were like this. “I wanted to ask you something. No, a lot of things, actually.”
As he took a step closer towards you, it almost made him falter when he saw the way you leaned away. Four years have changed you. He was aware of that. But he still needed you to clarify something, if that was possible. He just needed to know why. He wanted to know what he did wrong for you to leave him in the dust.
Not just him. Connie and Sasha would often ask where you were, and if everything was alright while Marco comforted them. The three of them would be crazy thinking about your whereabouts if only the ravenette didn’t calm them down.
“It’s late, Jean.” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for a second there before it laid upon him. “We can talk tomorrow. I am going to move here again so we can catch up anytime we want.” That smile on your face. He frowned when he realised it didn’t reach your eyes. “After all, your wife waited for you, right?”
It felt like he had been in this place before. In the same situation where he was so close to knowing, to learn about something between you and him, and yet it always dispersed into nothing as you assured him he shouldn’t be worried about it.
As if you didn’t want him to know. As if you tried to hinder him from finding out the truth.
“Why did you always push me away…?”
He sounded so broken when he threw the question, and you gaped at how vulnerable the intonation that lingered there. “Do you know something? Have you seen any memories from the past? Is it that badwith me?”
“Jean, no. I—” You wanted to calm him down. Your palm was hovering right in front of his chest, but you stopped yourself. It looked like you were scared to touch him. “I can’t. Please know that I can’t talk about this. There’s a reason and maybe one day you could understand. But I hope you didn’t. I really hope you neverdid.”
“So you actually see the past.” He snorted in disbelief. All those times he tried to tell you about the awakened memories. All those years, he thought you were clueless and just another normal human being. It was a lie. “Then you know? On my wedding day, I was so close to see it through but you didn’t let me, you — you lied to me!”
“Jean!”
“And why is that, huh? Am I turned out to be such a despicable person? Is that the reason you moved away, telling no one about it?!”
“No! You don’t understand! The past few years also tortured me! But I did it because I must evade you, Jean. I did it for you—”
“Everything’s okay?”
The two heads whipped towards the source of the voice. Marco raised one of his eyebrows before scrunching his forehead since he would never have thought to see you and Jean having a heated argument. “It’s late. I think both of you drank too much liquor. If there’s something you both need to talk about, I suggest tomorrow.”
He strode right beside you, standing so close, as if he tried to shield you from Jean. The taller man could only look down at his best friend with disbelief before grumbling a bit underneath his breath.
A ravenette, always a ravenette. The one who blocked him from unravelling his own memory was Mikasa back then, and now it was Marco.
“Fine, then.”
“Good. I am sure Mikasa is waiting for you, too.”
Marco smiled at him, and the tension Jean felt slowly lifted off his shoulder. His best friend was right, he had to go back since Mikasa had been so kind to wait for him. What a perfect woman indeed, and he gave a small nod towards the freckled man.
From your words, you were really going to stay here again. So if by chance he could grab a coffee with you, he would continue this conversation then. Completely sober because he didn’t want to mess things up. “We will see you later, Jean. Goodnight.”
“Yeah, pal. Good—”
“You know, Jean?” He was barely done replenishing the gas for his manoeuvring gear when Marco sat beside him. “I think you are not really in love with Mikasa.”
“What?” Jean stopped what he did. All the shouts of excitement from another cadet were muted as he could only hear his best friend’s voice. Marco had the audacity to have a smirk on his face, not facing him still as he fixed his boots. “Oi, how come you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth. You actually put your heart in your sleeve, Jean.”
Jean immediately stood from where he sat, forcing the freckled boy to look at him because of his abrupt movement. He didn’t know where the ravenette got that idea from. And surely he didn’t expect him to say it now when they were going to climb back on top of the wall after retaking the headquarters. Couldn’t he wait to discuss this? Something as — important as his heart?
“No, I am not.” He jutted his lips out, something that only elicited a chuckle from his best friend. Something that made Jean scowl even more now. “I adore her entire existence, Marco. She is the prettiest woman out there. So brave and the greatest soldier in our ranks. Shit, even when all she could think of was Eren, I still want her!”
“Are you really?” Those light brown orbs fixated on someone behind him, one that he immediately followed since he wanted to know what Marco had been trying to say to him.
Sasha slumped herself towards you, practically crying and wailed some gratitude on your chest. You were not even trying to get her off you, understanding how shocked she would have been since a titan almost got her. If you were not there to kill the one she was assigned to before, maybe Sasha wouldn’t even be here right now.
You and your gentle nature, so nurturing to those around but at the same time could be such a clown around them. Jean only let out a small chuckle at the sight of the two girls, and when you realised he had been looking at you, he could feel his cheeks heated.
But he didn’t look away, not feeling embarrassed that you caught him, not at all.
“I couldn’t really hide things from you, huh, Marco?” He whispered out underneath his breath, just enough for the ravenette to hear him. “Since when did you know about it?”
“Since the first day, maybe.” Turning around, he faced Marco once again, who was now down with the preparation. “You always talked about her, telling me about her stupid antics. And of course, that soft smile on your face, Jean.”
“Yeah, can’t help it when she always makes me feel like I am…” He chuckled. The smile reached his eyes in the middle of this hellish time from just the thought of you. “…whole.”
Jean didn’t want anyone to know, actually. About how he was secretly in love with his best friend, someone who knew him like the back of their hand. He once asked Connie to nudge the idea of him liking you, but the bald boy said you only fake gagged and walked away, a sign that Jean took for him to take a step back.
The world only needed to know that Mikasa Ackerman rejected him. One person was enough. He didn’t need them to know you also did.
“Why do you hide it away, though?”
“Oh, come on, Marco.” His chuckle now turned bitter. “I am not risking what I already have with her.”
Jean swallowed an enormous lump before turning around, beckoning his best friend to follow suit, as he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. With Mikasa, it was fine because they started as strangers. But with you? He clicked with your mind and taste in joke, practically chose you as his ally since day one he saw you tamed Sasha.
He didn’t want to throw the dice, wondering if maybe he could have more with you. So he decided to just love Mikasa, continuing his admiration while still keeping you close.
Because he was aware, he wouldn’t feel complete without you in his life.
Jean sucked a deep breath, not believing himself or what he just saw. Everything, everything. It felt like time stopped as all the memories from his past life came into him. Not just a glimpse, not just a spark or anything he had seen before when he was with Mikasa or anyone else he met before.
It was just a playful pat from Marco on his shoulder, but he swore it made his legs wobble for a second there as if the freckled man tried to push him off the balcony. He couldn’t breathe, not knowing where the oxygen in his lungs went with these memories came to him like a hurdle of waves, trying to drown him out.
He wanted to reach out towards you and the ravenette who was already walking away. Marco had his left hand intertwined with yours, practically pulling you away from him and it just — it wasn’t fair and it hurt.
“Hey.”
Jean called out to you, feeling so relieved when you stopped walking and took another look at him. Right now, there was only you in his eyes. You, the one who knew him best, maybe the same or even more than the man who stood behind you.
There were so many things he wanted to say. So many words that were left unsaid after the whirlpool of emotion came crashing down at him. And when you pursed your lips, when he saw tears glossed your eyes despite you tried to keep it at bay, he had a feeling that you knew.
Oh, you knew that he knew.
The promises. What he had said before in the life where the two of you were reckless soldiers, everything went up to the surface after being buried by nature.
So this was the reason you always had some kind of subtle reaction when he talked about Mikasa. This was the reason you ended up moving to another place without telling him, the thing that pushed you to go away and settled your heart somewhere else.
Because you realise the promises had been broken the second he said I do, four years ago, in front of Mikasa Ackerman.
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
He did. He found you here in this lifetime. A place without titan, without the two of you having to be afraid that every moment would be the last.
“We will be happy by then.”
However, it was nothing like the one he had in mine. Not the one youhad been waiting for. The two of you didn’t meet and fall in love, not married to one another and have kids or anything you were supposed to tell him. The house he bought in previous lifetime and this one — it wasn’t for you. Not for you to take a shelter in with him.
He could have that. If only in this life too,he was willing to gamble his friendship with you. Maybe you were the one who had his last name instead of the woman who now waited for him in the driver’s seat.
But the two of you were aware that maybe, no matter what kind of world he resided in, this was how it would end with you.
“Y-Yes, Jean?”
With him to live and fall in love with someone else, and you to stay in his life as nothing more but a dearest friend.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
“Will you marry me?”
You stopped putting up the blade on the scabbard when you heard the question from behind you. At this messed up moment, you never expected someone to make such a crucial proposition, not when in a few minutes from now you were ready to board the flying boat, ready to put your life on the line to save the world.
The question echoed at the back of your mind, and you were still debating whether it was a good thing to turn around and acknowledge the marriage proposal you received or just shrugged it off. You were not in a situation to think about something as petty as love, not when one of you probably couldn’t make it out alive from this cruel war.
If the two of you were strolling around Trost like what you used to, you would not hesitate to face him. You could imagine yourself with your eyes shining under the bright sunlight, asking what he meant whether he was being serious or just wanted to tease you. And you knew, you would know the answer to his question.
“Don’t joke around at a time like this, Jean.”
But the circumstance you were in right now did not help you to let out the word that you wanted to say. There was no time to be a lovesick woman, there was no time to think about a future that was out of your reach. The thing that you needed to be focused on was for you to give everything you had to fight the founding titan.
You really hoped that he would drop the question and just let you go, because you knew your heart too well, and saying no to him was something that had been a struggle for you ever since the two of you were just stupid brats in the Cadet Corps.
“You know I will never joke about something as important as this.”
No air could fill your lungs at this point, and you felt your legs wobble slightly from the earnest tone that he used. “Hey, just listen to me, okay? Turn around, face me at least if you want to say no. Rejection is something that I have been through my whole life anyway.”
That was it. That was probably the reason you didn’t want to face him. You knew. You were there. Your eyes caught everything for the past years ever since you knew him, and you swore from the bottom of your heart that you would do anything if only he could look at you like how he saw the beautiful, multi-talented ravenette that now was chatting with Armin.
He was not serious with the question, probably he was, but he would never be serious when it came to his own feelings. Him loving you? That was probably the stupidest, deceitful, delusional thing that ever crossed your mind. And you knew the reason why he threw that question at you instead of her.
Because as for now, she only had eyes on someone else, the same person that was trying to commit worldwide genocide, excluding Paradis, the same person that everyone was trying to take down with their blades and guns.
“Why do you want to marry me in the first place, Jean?” You tried as hard as you could not to let your voice waver, still not facing him as you didn’t want to show how pitiful you looked right now. “You would never want to marry me. We fight now and then, we bicker all the time—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.” He cut you off, perhaps still blinded by his own selfishness at this point. You should have known that he would never drop this off so easily, and you could only grit your teeth, not wanting to lash out. “You know me so well, no one else could understand me as much as you do. So please, I-I will love you—”
“Can you even promise that you are going to love me?” You swallowed a huge lump, waiting for his response to such a simple question. Something that never came for the next few seconds. “See, Jean?” Then you turned around, locking your gaze with his as you saw how his pupils widened, probably because he finally saw the tears that streamed down your face. “You couldn’t even promise that you are going to love me back.”
You felt so dumb right now, hands shaking from the feelings that you always buried deep inside your heart. All these years, you always knew your place, you knew you could never be as perfect as the woman that he loved. Yet he just needed to bring it up, to ask something that you wanted nothing but to answer with an excited yes.
If only you didn’t know, if only you could blind yourself from the truth — you would have run to him right now, wrapping your arms around his neck and smashing your lips against his. Something that consistently appeared in your mind with how much you wanted to know how he tasted.
But that was the thing you could never do. You watched on the sideline for the seven years you had known him, knowing how in love he was. Everything was imprinted in your mind, so you knew you could never act like you didn’t notice that he would be ready to give his own life just to save her.
He was standing still from his place, lips parted even though there were no words that rolled down his tongue. You couldn’t blame him, even though he could be such a selfish jerk sometimes, he was someone that would never want to hurt his comrades. Especially not to someone like you who was always there for him through thick and thin.
There were a few pairs of eyes that turned to look at you two, possibly debating if they should intervene or just let everything happen as it was. You knew they were probably only getting worried that there would be a huge fight that could lead to nothing but regret in later days, even so, you didn’t like the non-existent privacy that you had then.
Inhaling the air through your nose, making the salty scent of the ocean tickle your nostrils, you decided to be the one who just let it go. It didn’t matter anyway, no matter how many things you wanted to tell him, there was no alternative future where Jean Kirstein was in love with you.
Therefore, with a heavy heart, you walked past him, leaving him to contemplate alone about his own feelings. He didn’t call out to you, not trying to stop you from walking away, so you knew that he probably understood by now that asking you to marry him was the biggest mistake he ever made in his life.
Although you wished, you really wished in your wildest dream that perhaps someday, you could hear him ask the exact same question to you.
Using an intonation filled with certainty, with his whole heart loving every part of your being.
Your fingertips trailing the white silk napery that was draped neatly on top of a round, wooden table. A smile etched on your face since you knew today would be perfect. Everything was in place, and you couldn’t feel better knowing that the weather was excellent at the moment.
White dress wrapped around your figure, and you felt so beautiful and confident wearing it. Leaving the table where the tall wedding cake was placed before, you sauntered through the venue to greet each guest that you met along the way, with the same smile that never wavered as they congratulated you for today.
You didn’t realise how a pair of molten copper eyes looking at you with pride glinting inside his orbs, praising you internally as he felt so blessed that you were here. From the very first start he met you, he knew there was something about your existence that made him want nothing but to keep you in his life.
He recalled how he bumped into you a few years back in a bookstore, and even though you were ready to slip away from him after muttering a small apology, he couldn’t help himself but grip your wrist, telling you to wait.
And despite the embarrassment that took him from gripping a stranger’s wrist, he thanked himself for not letting you go that easily.
Because now, you had become such an important person in his life, someone that he would always cherish no matter what.
“Is everything ready?”
You flinched when you felt someone’s breath on your ear, making you yelp since you were just done greeting another guest that asked you where to sit.
“Jean!” Turning your head to face him, you whispered-shout at his face before punching his chest lightly, an action that elicited a low chuckle coming from his lips. “What are you doing here? Goodness! The groom shouldn’t wander around the venue like this, you know?”
Your pout always looked so adorable, and that was one of the reasons why he always loved to tease you. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t have a single day pass without trying to mess with your head. And despite how annoying he could be, you always stayed and gave him your attention.
“You are not supposed to be here either.” He gently flicked your chin, and he let out another chuckle when you hissed from his action.
“Fuck it, Jean. At this point, I ask myself what the meaning of my existence in your life actually is.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes in a mocking tone as you folded your arms in front of your chest. “You always tease me! Why do you even want me here in the first place? I would end up to be—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.”
He swore he could see your pupils dilated slightly from his words, and it made him stop laughing at you, since he saw that emotion inside your eyes all over again. You were always like this sometimes, to suddenly stop talking, stop responding to anything for a few seconds as if your whole life was fleeting through your mind.
But then it was back to normal, and the emotionless facade that you had before now slowly filled with another expression.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment, Jean Kirstein?”
Though somehow, he could sense something from the way you called his name just now. Something that he didn’t know what it was, but it made him scared and oddly nostalgic at the same time.
“Well, it's—”
“Jean! It’s the time!”
A gentle, familiar voice called out to him. And the atmosphere that was built nicely around the two of you suddenly vanished into the thin air. Both of you turned to the source of the voice, finding the beautiful ravenette woman waving in your direction. “Connie is waiting for you in the dressing room!”
“I’ll be there soon, love!”
He waved back, though he didn’t move his feet even until the woman walked away from the scene. Today was his wedding day, and he was supposed to be so thrilled and felt all of the excitement in his heart. In a few minutes from now, the love of his life, his first love and dream girl would be his wife, but at the moment, he didn’t want to leave you alone just yet.
“So, where are—”
“Nevermind, Jean. She called.” You took a few steps backwards, giving him and you a proper gap. But his face never left you as somehow he felt something that rooted him to his place. “Jean, your bride called.” Snapping two fingers in front of his face, he finally could regain himself, and a small nervous chuckle slipped from his lips when he realised that he was daydreaming before.
“Yeah, yeah. My bride, yes.” He cleared his throat, averting your gaze completely since somehow he could not take a look at you. When you saw this, you raised one of your eyebrows, wondering why he stayed here when his bride already called him to prepare himself and wear the wedding suit.
“Don’t tell me you had wedding jitters, Jean.”
“H-Huh? Why would I? Mikasa is perfect, and—”
“And you were always meant to be with her, I know.” You chuckled a little, though it didn’t sound as sincere as usual, but he shrugged it off. “You always told me about it, that you have met her before, perhaps in your previous life, right?” He nodded at that, letting out a long sigh as he swept his hair to the back. “So what’s on your mind? Why are you still standing here with me? You are so close to marrying her again, Jean.”
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
A flicker of memory appeared out of nowhere, something that usually happened only when his fiancée was around. But these days as you helped him plan his wedding day and became his wedding organiser, another part of an unknown memory appeared in his mind, little by little without any concrete context.
And it stressed him out more than anything, because he was afraid that he took a wrong path, or not knowing something that he should have remembered.
“I-I just feel like I have a promise to someone else, I guess.” He swallowed a huge lump, averting his gaze to the side, making him miss the way your eyes watered slightly. “And that someone else, that someone else is you! But I can’t remember what it was, I don’t know—”
“Jean.” You stopped him, resting your palm on his chest as you didn’t want to hear anything else from him. His copper eyes went back towards your face with pupils dilated slightly, wanting to calm himself down. “You don’t have to think about it.” But he didn’t need to try, not with you gazing at him with such tenderness and care that gave him contentment already.
Panting a little, he bit his upper lip since he was still stressed. He really wanted to know what it was, the promise that he made with you and why he said such a thing. There were no other sentences, he could only hear himself saying that to you in his past life, but he didn’t know the reason behind it, making him so anxious.
Though now, you were standing tall before him with a look that he couldn’t quite fathom despite how comforting it was to him. “You know I never remember anything from my past, Jean. Perhaps you promised something because we are friends, whatever it was though, it doesn’t matter.” He didn’t know anymore if you were trying to reassure him or yourself, but he listened to your words and took it all in. “It was nothing, okay? What matters is here, now. In this life where you love her again.”
His fingers gently wrapped around your wrist, subconsciously caressing it as he processed your words. He was a little bit of a hypocrite when he realised that. No matter how many times he didn’t want to get so hung up over the same woman that he loved in his past life, he ended up to be a hopeless romantic, thinking how beautiful it was to recreate something that happened once.
“Yeah, you are right.” He chuckled to let out the awkwardness that he felt before ruffling your hair a little. “You are always right. I am glad you are here in my life.”
Your smile only widened at that, and you couldn’t help but lean in and pressed a platonic kiss on his cheek. You didn’t realise how his body went frozen in place for a moment there, but as you pulled away, he already fixed himself and just gave you a cheeky smile, as if to tease him.
“Now go, go dress yourself to the nines.” You patted his chest one more time before pushing him forward. “Go! You are going to be the happiest man alive!” And he ambled away. Even though a bit unsteady, he kept on going, now with a more stable emotion.
For sure, there was nothing else that he should be worried about. You were here, you would always be here for him, the best friend that never left his side, just like Connie, Marco and Sasha. And he knew you were always right. Anything that happened in his past life didn’t matter.
What mattered was what happened here, now, and that was for him to be the husband of someone he had been in love with for the past few years.
You could only watch his back as he ran to a secured future that he always dreamed of. Standing there alone, you waited until he was gone from your sight, wanting to be there in case he would look back and needing some assurance.
But the second he was gone inside the building, you immediately darted towards the nearest bathroom.
There were a lot of things that happened in your mind right now; you wanted to throw up from the nausea that you felt, you wanted to cry from the lie you had committed to ever since you met him, you wanted to just move to another state and forget that you had a life here.
Although you knew it was not possible, not when your days had been filled with his existence, and even though you would always be the best friend in whatever life you had — you knew you could never erase himself completely.
Locking the bathroom’s door, you immediately collapsed on the seat that was placed in the middle of the room, wanting to calm down as you finally felt your heart break into a million little pieces. After years swallowing down the truth, after years you hid what you knew, the dam broke freely with no one there to fix it.
“Shit! Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me too.” You couldn’t feel anything as your body felt so numb, eyes looking up to the skies that were so clear you couldn’t see any clouds on it. “Hey, hey, look at me.” But then someone tilted your head so you could face him, and you were met with the familiar copper orbs that you always loved to stare at.
It was Jean, your best friend ever since the two of you were in the Cadet Corps. You despised his cocky attitude at first, not liking how he was so hostile toward others. Yet as time went by and you started to get to know him better, he was actually a lot more human than any other person you ever met.
You could feel his finger tucking the strands of hair behind your ear, as if wanting to see you more clearly. At first you were so lost, you didn’t know what happened right now and you wanted nothing but to ask him. But as you felt the excruciating pain at your abdomen, everything replayed at the back of your head.
One of the titan ancestors bit you, hard, and you were pretty sure you would have fallen by now, perhaps crushed underneath the colossal titans who’s currently splat everything in their way. Instead, you were here now in the arms of the man that you loved so much, and you parted your lips, wanting to tell him the words that you wanted to say.
You wanted to do it all. You wanted to scream at him that you have always been in love with him, you wanted to pull his collars and smash your lips with his, you wanted to stay alive and see the world with him and the others.
“Y-Yes.”
But from all the things that you wanted to do, you could only utter that one word, and you hoped he understood the meaning behind it. However, from how his irises widened after that, you were certain that he knew. Tears welled up in his eyes, and for once he didn’t care if he could be killed during this time for wanting to stay by your side at the last minute of your life.
“Listen to me, don’t say anything, just listen to me.” He swallowed a huge lump and held your hand, squeezing it tight since he wanted you to feel that you were not alone. “I am going to find you, in another life, I will. We are going to meet up, fall in love, get married to each other, have kids if you want that, anything you want! Anything, anything you want me to.”
Jean said it all in one take of breath, afraid that you were already gone by now. “I promise, I promise I will find you one day.” And his lips shaped into a thin smile as he saw your peaceful face. “We will be happy by then.” Whispering one last time before hurriedly pressing his lips on yours, giving you the warmth that you always wanted to taste.
You clapped your hands as you stood up from your seat, wearing the best smile that you could offer as you watched him leaning down to kiss her, to kiss the same woman that was fated to be loved by someone as wonderful as him.
Truthfully, you felt like a masochist for wanting to be here. There were a lot of good wedding organisers out there, but he decided to call you, using the same sentence that he chose you because he knew you would never disappoint — that you were the one who knew him best.
He looked so majestic with the white wedding suit wrapped perfectly to compliment his tall figure. You didn’t count how many times you wanted to break down seeing him in white like this, not when you already promised to yourself that you were going to do anything to make him the happiest man alive.
The smile that now radiated from his face, the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes as he looked at the guest, it was enough sign that you did the right thing.
Even in this life, you knew that he was meant to be with her. When you received tons of miss calls from him a few months after the two of you had become close friends and told you everything about this perfect woman, you already surrendered your own happiness for his.
He sounded so excited that day, gushing at you about this one ravenette he met at the cafe. Someone with the most beautiful hair that he always saw, someone that you knew her name was even without him telling you first.
You listened to him, every single day, about how he wanted to be with her. He told you when he accidentally touched her hand; he felt a spark that felt so nostalgic, and he saw how he was kissing her in perhaps his past life. And when you received such information, when you connected the dots about the things that happened after you die, you immediately set that one goal in your life.
That, whatever happened, he had to get her. She always ended up being the one he loved the most, and there was nothing you could do to change that. Jean never gave any sign that he recognised you either, so you knew there was no point for you to ask him about the promise that he made.
In this life where there were no cruel monsters, you thought perhaps you would find love in the form of him. But it was not possible, not when she was his true love, and you had to accept the fact that you would always just become the woman who knew him best — nothing else but that.
And even though you had to endure the same pain that you felt in your previous life, watching the man that you gave your whole heart to be head over heels with someone else, you regretted nothing.
Because you were sure that you and your heart would make it through, just like you always did from the start.
↪content; warrior!reader, aged-up character, graphic description of violence, slow burn, season 4 spoiler
“T-Thank you, sir!”
He stuttered out and bowed a little to the soldier who gave him five loaves of bread. Though the older man did not acknowledge his gratitude at all, instead he just sneered at him, making him flinch since he was reminded of the fact that this island filled with demons.
His long feet stride out from the line, wanting to get back to where his friends waited. Today it was his duty to get the food for his companions, and it needed all of his courage to utter how many people in his family were left when the soldier asked him.
Four, it was the right answer that he was supposed to say. But he couldn’t help but stutter five instead. It had only been a few weeks after they breached the outer wall, Maria, and yet he still couldn’t believe that it was only the four of them now.
Each of them was grieving. Annie would now scowl a lot and buried her face in her hands, not wanting anyone to see the vulnerable look on her face. Reiner was different, he tried to act tough despite the nightmares that often accompanied him in his sleep. While him? He hid his sadness and pain deep inside his heart because he knew that someone suffered more.
You, you didn’t talk at all for days as if you were just their shadows. Annie made sure that you were not hurt when he and Reiner crushed the gate. And even though you were not uttering any words, you could do your task ideally without a hitch, and that was to sneak inside with battered clothes, acting like a child who lost everything.
But maybe you were indeed lost everything, that was what he thought when he saw you just staring into spaces without any expression on your face. The bubbly and warm person that he met back then in Marley was nowhere to be found at this point and he hoped that someday he could meet her again.
When his pale green eyes fell to the familiar strands of your hair, he started to run, wanting to give you the bread for today since the sun was up for hours yet no one ate anything just yet. The shelter where all of them were hiding was an abandoned barn just outside the main city, no one knew who the owner of it was, but when Reiner found it empty, they decided to use it as a temporary house.
They just needed to survive for a few years and they could enroll in the military after that. But now they had to make a plan about what they should do in the meantime. Now they were just four orphans who lost everything from wall Maria. A few days ago a soldier gave them a form to fill out, consisting of some questions about names, birth, and the residence they used to live in before.
And that was the first time he heard your voice after weeks wallowing yourself in silence. When Marcel was alive, he told you that you needed to change your last name. Just for a disguise, it was the safest option because who would have expected if someone knew the weight of your name.
“No.” You whispered out, one hand scribbling down the paper to write your name. “I am not going to lose my identity. No.” There was a lingering pain in your voice that everyone could notice. “I will do anything, Reiner, but not this. This is my last name and I will lose it if someone takes it away from me.”
The blonde frowned when he heard your rebellion, you seemed fine when Marcel asked you to do that back then, but now you changed your mind and he wished he knew the words that could sway you. You continued to write down your information without stopping while the boys stared at you with wonder.
Annie knew that you couldn’t be forced to do something that you wouldn’t do, so she just shrugged it off and focused on her paper, not wanting to spend her time filling forms if she could do it fast. She really thought Reiner would drop it after hearing your statement, but sometimes he just didn’t know when to stop.
“Hey, but Marcel would tell you to do the same.”
Bertolt could imagine his friend getting beaten up again at this point. But this time not from Annie, instead, he would get it from you who was now gripping so tight on the pencil that he was afraid you would stab the armoured titan inheritor on the neck with it.
“That’s the thing, Braun.” You gritted your teeth, avoiding yourself for kicking him on the face. And when the poor boy heard you called him by his last name, he knew that he was done for good. “Marcel is not here anymore, and you are not Marcel.”
Bertolt made a note on his head that he would never want to get on your bad side. He felt a shiver down his spine at that time when you completely disregarded Reiner, and those words were not even for him. He couldn’t imagine what his friend felt, must be hell for sure.
“Hey, I-I got the food for us today.” Stopping on his track right in front of you. You were currently cleaning up the dust on the window, he recalled you said that you despised dirty windowpane last night, and he raised his eyebrow since he wondered how you got some clothes to clean it up with.
“Thank you, Bertolt.” You gave him a soft smile, and from just that gesture he could feel his cheek burning from — goodness, he didn’t even know what he was feeling right now. “Oh? You got five? How?” He was still in a trance when you threw the question, making him baffled for a second there.
“I said that there were five members in my family.” He averted his eyes, ashamed to confess that to you. That and the fact he would see the sadness inside your eyes if he did so.“I didn’t mean to, really, b-but I only realised it after the soldier gave the portion to me.”
“Oh, Bertolt.” You let out a long sigh and grabbed two pieces of bread from his hand. “You know you could correct yourself after that, right?” He knew that you were scolding him, but with how soft your voice was, he just accepted it, not even once trying to correct himself. “I will give it back to the soldier, okay? You go inside, Reiner and Annie are waiting for you.”
“But shouldn’t you eat first?” He was concerned for sure, and despite knowing the fact that you could handle this harsh world by yourself, he was not sure if it was the right choice to let you go alone. “I can drop this off to them and I can accompany you, right?”
You chuckled at this, and his pupils widened at that since it was the first time you expressed some kind of joyful gesture since Marcel’s incident. Your eyes closed as you chuckled at him, he didn’t know what he did to make you like this but his brain short-circuited to even think about it. He just stood there with mouth agape, enjoying the pure, melodious giggle that slipped from your mouth.
“Bertolt,” And how much he loved his name rolled down your tongue was uncanny. “It’s okay, I will eat mine on the way. And I can handle myself, I am going to be back before you know it! You don’t have to be concerned about me.” You gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder, and his body went rigid at that. “See you later, tell the others where I am going, okay?”
He was too frozen in the spot even when you already strolled down the street with the loaves of bread in your hand. There was no time for him to answer you, and he felt like all the words were stuck in his throat. You just touched him, that was the only thing that he could process right now.
Yes, it was nothing special since you always held Pieck’s hand back then or gave a pat to the other warrior candidates (especially Porco, for as long as he remembered even though the boy seemed to dislike your presence and unfazed by it), but to him, feeling your touch like that was everything.
It gave him some kind of boost, maybe it was the warm tingle that he felt whenever you were around or the fact that your existence just screamed comfort — he didn’t know exactly what caused him to treasure your touch. What he knew for sure that in the end, he enjoyed your company.
“Oi, Bertolt! Why are you standing there like a statue?!”
“S-Sorry, Reiner—”
〄
The wind caressed your hair as you wandered down the street, turning left and right to the alleyway that would lead you to the plaza. This place had been your home for a few weeks now, and you started to enjoy living here, greeting some people here and there despite how many times Reiner told you not to.
They would ask, of course, where you were from. And you always answered it without hesitation, without a pause, as if the one who talked was an entirely different person with how you always lost all the light in your face when you gave them your answer. They would sympathize, and you took their pity and kept acting it out.
You had a different approach in this mission compared to the other warrior. While they decided to keep a low profile, you were going all out and showed yourself as a victim from the fall of wall Maria. Lots of benefits coming your way with how some adults asked you to move in with them or offering you a job so you could fend for yourself.
Their offers were always so sweet, but you didn’t want to leave your friends inside a cold barn with nothing to lay on except the pile of hay. You always ended up cuddling with Annie, not caring that she wanted to kick you on the face at first for not giving her enough space, she ended up liking to sleep in your embrace days after that, so for you, it was all worth it.
Maybe though, their offer about working for them could help you. There were some of them and you sure at least one of the jobs had good earnings. You could buy food for your friends if that was the case, all of you didn’t have to rely on free food anymore. And so, you decided that you would go to the adult near the plaza after this, asking if the offer was still up.
“I am sorry! It was already late and there was only one bread left for us!”
Your ears caught the distressed tone that came from the alleyway near you. The plaza was empty now since it seemed like the ration already finished for the day. To know that a lot of people couldn’t even have one bread to eat made your stomach churned with guilt and anger for yourself.
“It’s alright, Armin. We can share it.”
“Yeah, it’s not like I eat a lot anyway.”
There were three of them, three children that looked like they were the same age as you, and they only got one piece of bread for the whole day. Knowing that the soldier was not there anymore and the commotion already dispersed, you decided to give the bread to them instead.
Your tiny feet waddled toward them, they were currently deep in thought about how to divide the food fairly. And you were thankful that you haven’t eaten your fair of bread, so now each of the kids could have one.
“Excuse me,” You interrupted their discussion, three pairs of eyes immediately turned to face you. Two of them looked at you with confusion while the other one had her eyes filled with caution. “I am sorry, I heard about your problem before, and I have two extra pieces of bread that you guys could take.”
The two boys, one with blonde hair and the other with short dark brown hair — looked at each other without saying anything. It was like they had this kind of bond, talking through their minds before giving each other a nod. Maybe they were debating if it was alright to accept your hospitality or not.
“It’s fine, but is this bread really alright for us to take?” The boy with the ocean blue eyes spoke up, taking one step forward to your figure. “What about you then, have you eaten yet today?”
“Yes, it’s fine. If not, I am not going to offer it in the first place.” You gave him a gentle smile before answering his next question a little bit too quickly to your liking. “Don’t worry about me! I already got breakfast before and ate mine. You don’t have to think—”
“You are lying.” The girl that had been silent the whole time suddenly cut your sentence. “Don’t tell me I am wrong because I am sure that I am right.” She didn’t sugarcoat her words at all, and you couldn’t understand anymore if her words mean good or bad. Because surely her onyx orbs looked at you as if you were a threat.
You closed your eyes and exhaled loudly, knowing that you couldn’t lie anymore with how sharp the three of them were. But this fact wouldn’t stop you from wanting them to take your fair.
“Well, yes, I haven’t eaten.” Surrendering yourself to honesty, you continued. “But I am going to be fine, an adult in this shop near the plaza offered me a job and food, so I could get it from them after this.” You explained truthfully, handing them the bread thereafter.
“Then how come you had extra bread in the first place?” The short-haired boy now squinting his eyes, wanting to understand your hidden motive in case there were any. “You had one for yourself too despite knowing that you could get food from this adult you told us about. So why should we trust you?”
“Eren!”
Ah, so the boy’s name is Eren. You thought, couldn’t believe that someone would even doubt the others for giving free food. But then again, you couldn’t blame them for being extra cautious. No one knew what could happen inside these walls. The worst-case scenario from this was that you poisoned them to get rid of another life to prevent any more hunger.
“You don’t have to trust me, of course.” You answered him with a soft and calm tone, something that you learned from your house back in Marley. That even when someone raised their voice at you, you needed to handle them with care. “My friend was the one who got the food from me, and he didn’t check that he got extra food, so I am here with the first mission to give it back to the garrison soldier.”
You gave them the answer that they want, both hands still pushed forward, waiting for them to take it. “Promise I wouldn’t disturb you anymore, I just want to make sure you guys get enough food. That’s all.”
There was a long silence engulfing the four of you. That was until the blonde took the bread out of your hand and gave you a smile of gratitude, which you answered with the same gesture as him. The other two were now looking at you with a softened gaze, finally stripping away their caution towards you.
“I am sorry that I sounded rude before.” The brunette started, giving you a cheeky smile as his ears tinted with a pinkish hue. “I just need to be careful around strangers, everything just messed up at this time, you know?” He chuckled bitterly, his eyes darkening as if a terrible memory fleeting through his mind for a second.
“It’s fine. I know where that thought is coming from.” You kicked the pebbles near your foot before, making it bounce to the wall as you looked down. “Everything is just a nightmare after the breach.” And you tried so hard not to break down, not in front of anyone, especially those who were the victim of your action. “All of you — didn’t deserve any of it.”
Your voice that was so warm and comforting before now turned into a completely different tone. There was sadness, at least that was what they could hear from you. They couldn’t see the expression in your eyes since you persisted in looking down at your feet, avoiding their gaze at all cost.
“And you didn’t deserve it too.”
The blonde, that if you recalled from before was called Armin, telling you words that you thought you wouldn’t need to hear. “No one wanted this to happen, no one deserved to live like this.” He continued, and you were ready to crumble even more. “But this is our life, for now, so we can’t do anything else but move on.”
You wanted to get down on your knees, hugging his legs as you begged for forgiveness. Just like what you saw in some of the memories from your ancestors, there were just normal human beings inside these walls. Just like in Marley, just like on the other continent, there were good and bad people, and nothing differentiated them except the fact that they had a titan’s blood flowing inside their veins.
Nothing else but that — and the dangerous truth that lies within the walls.
“It’s called rumbling, right?”
Just one month from now, you were going to inherit the war hammer titan, and you have been studying a lot, reading the journal that your ancestor wrote. The book was so helpful, preparing you to know the truth that this world had to hide. Sometimes your twelve years old brain could not even understand it.
The past few years you had been training hard privately. You got the best instructor, honing your mental and physical build at the same time. But since you reached the age of ten, your father introduced you to Commander Magath who was in charge of the Warrior Unit, the unit for those titan inheritors.
And you trained with them ever since then. Creating a bond and friendship to those who would fight alongside you in the upcoming battle. The majority of them were easy to talk with like Marcel, Pieck, Zeke, Reiner, and Bertolt. While the rest — not so much.
Annie was fine though, she still talked to you here and there and taught you about some certain techniques of hand-to-hand combat that you deemed remarkably useful. Porco on the other hand, you wanted to grimace at the interaction that you had with him. Yet despite all that, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling for just thinking about him.
But this moment was not the right time to reminisce about the warrior training, not when a few months from now, you would embark on a mission to reclaim the founding titan.
“Yes, when the founding titan decided to unharden the walls and released millions of colossal titan, it was called rumbling.” Your father sat across from where you were, filling out papers from the military about you. “If that happened, the whole world would turn into nothing.”
You gave a nod of acknowledgement, fingers tracing the ink that seeped on the worn-out paper journal.
“So it was risky to let the founding titan stay in Paradis since no one knew if someday they would activate the rumbling or not.” You stated the sentence as a matter of factly, absorbing the information that sometimes made your head pound. “It was risky since they closed themselves inside those walls and no one knew what happened there.”
“Yes, my dear.” His voice cracked like any other time, having so much burden for throwing you to the frontline of the battle like that. You, his little star, his precious daughter that he never wanted to turn her into a war machine that could only live for thirteen years. “That is why you need to prevent it from happening.”
But it was something that needed to be done — and there was nothing that you could do except embracing the cruel truth like an old friend.
“Yes, you are right.” Fixing your composure, you were back to the kind girl from before. “Thank you for telling me that, I think I need it.” You chuckled softly, fingers tucking the strands of your hair behind the ear. “I-I will go now, then. Hope all of you survive and continue on living!”
Bowing yourself a little before departing (a trait that you couldn’t shake off that easily), you waved at them and turned your heels, walking away from the three children that you really hoped would have a beautiful life ahead, for as long as they could have.
“Wait!” But you halted your feet to move forward when you heard Eren’s voice calling out for you.
“Yes? What is it?” You were still not that far from them, so you decided to use your normal volume as if they were still right in front of you.
“We haven’t got your name!” Yet despite how calm you were, the boy seemed to choose to shout at you anyway. “I am Eren! This is Armin and Mikasa, they are everything that I had left! Now, what’s yours?!”
Hearing how excited he was made you giggle, such a complete opposite for real compared to him a few minutes ago when he looked at you with caution. Now he became the child he was supposed to be, with a wide grin on his face as he just wanted to know the name of his probably new friend.
And so you indulged him with it, answering his question with a clear and solid tone.
“It’s (Y/n)!” You decided to shout back, equaling his enthusiasm. “(Y/n), (Y/n) Tybur!”
↪content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4 spoiler, forbidden love, marleyan!reader, scouts!jean, chapter 139 spoiler
You stopped whatever you were doing in an instant, both hands freezing midair as a flock of birds suddenly landed beside you. That was strange, you never saw this type of bird flying around your house before. Those birds had silky white feathers and beady black eyes, some had their gaze fixated on you.
But then again, perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised that you never saw them before.
It was not like you have been living here for years, no. For the last three years, you were here as a new citizen in a world where the fear of titans finally gone. Everything was at peace for years as this newborn country strengthened its military — under the command of the Queen.
Yes, the Queen, Historia Reiss. Never once you ever thought you would be living here of all places in the world, tending flower beds and watering plants. A Marleyan like you, the mortal enemy of those Eldians somehow slipped inside the society and even lived inside the innermost part of the country.
You lived in prime real estate located in the countryside; a medium-sized house with huge land, different compared to those gigantic and majestic buildings in the downtown area. The atmosphere was unique and you preferred this kind of house instead of the luxurious, blinding one. For you, this is home, and you couldn’t wait to share it with your lover.
“(Y/n)! Don’t stay too long in the garden!”
A familiar shout rang through the open area, making you turn your head to face them. She stood there with her comfortable white dress, maroon-coloured apron draped in front of her figure to make sure that any specks of dirt didn’t smear her dress while her brown hair sticking out from her tight ponytail.
“I will be there in a few minutes, Ma!”
You shouted back at the top of your lungs, knowing full well that her hearing was not as sharp as yours. She just shook her head in amusement at your answer since she could predict already that your few minutes could turn to an hour or even more. Just a habit of yours, though she wouldn’t force you to stop since it took your mind off things.
Just as she did by cooking some omelette and comfort foods as she too — waiting for someone to come back.
She had a separate house near the Queen’s residence, assigned there by her majesty herself. But ever since you knocked on her front door and introduced yourself to her, she decided that it would be better if she lived with you for a while, at least until her son came back. Until your love came back to your arms once again.
There were letters after letters being shared despite how out of reach he was from you. You lived every day in hope that his mission to make peace with the outside world resulted in success. Lots of prayers have been sung to whatever deity existed in this world, never once stopped for every day you woke up.
And today was just like any other day as you waited for him by occupying yourself with daily chores and a new hobby. You used to wake up to strategize the next move and train in the military, being a normal citizen was still a little bit bizarre for you.
Though you already told the Queen that if in case she needed assistance regarding the air force, you would be ready to be called.
Yet three years had passed ever since your arrival, and never once she called you to the military. You had a gut feeling that your lover might have something to do with it, so you could only hope he didn’t try to pull any strings behind your back and become the reason why you were never once interrupted.
Well, it was not like you didn’t want this. When you finally wake up without fear, without being afraid that you had to see another bloodshed, without being afraid to love whoever you wanted to love. This was the world that you have been dreaming of, so maybe, it’s fine to just enjoy it as long as you can.
Your fingers used to be covered with blood, now only covered with dirt and soil. Sometimes you couldn’t believe it yourself as you were afraid to go to sleep, not wanting to wake up and realise all of this was just a dream.
But it was not a dream.
It was all real — ever since that day.
Your whole body felt so numb as you stared into the distance, back leaning to the old building behind you, not understanding what actually unfurled in front of your eyes right now.
Everything was still replayed so vividly in your mind. His ash-brown strands dishevelled from the war he had been partaking of, chocolate orbs that filled with love and regret as he took another look at you, his voice — oh his deep, comforting voice that sung like a lullaby every time he spoke.
And then bright yellow light blinded your vision.
The impact of the explosion threw you off, back arching as your body hit a concrete wall. Your vision blurred, your head pounding from the impact. But you could still see the gigantic feet right in front of you — gigantic feet that belong to a titan, replacing where your lover once stood.
You saw it, the long, familiar strands of hair that you loved to caress, those eyes that now turned into the darkest shade of brown stared at you with an emotion that you couldn’t fathom. Then he jerked his head to the other side, jumping off the cliff with the other titans like a puppet whose strings were pulled.
There goes your love, that is what you already believe. Everyone knew about how once someone turned into a mindless titan, there was no way for them to change back as a human except if they ate the nine titan inheritor. And you didn’t put any hope over that, just slumping your body and surrendering yourself to the situation.
You didn’t know since when you drifted off somewhere as black filled your vision. But in your mind, you see him standing in front of you as he reaches out his hand for you to take. In your dream, you saw him playing around the backyard with a little kid that looked so familiar with him. In perhaps a distant future, you welcomed him home after a day full of hard work.
Then you opened up your eyes, disappointed as it was the same as what you saw before. The blistering heat attacked whoever was unfortunate enough to be outside right now, dealing with the monstrous creature as the fate of the world was in their hands.
But it was silent now, the roar of those mindless titans, booming footsteps that rumbling the ground, two enormous titans who fought each other before — it all stopped and gone as the only thing that welcomed you was a quiet, somewhat peaceful atmosphere.
With your legs still wobbling from the impact before, you looked around as you wondered what happened now. Finding no one in sight, not even from the Marleyan Military made you raise your eyebrows in confusion. Was it all done? The war between Eren Yeager and the alliance of Paradis and Marley? What happened now and where are they?
There were so many questions popping in your head as you forced yourself to check out the land near Fort Salta, finding some of your troops pointing all of their guns to the Eldians that somehow — turned back into a human.
That was the only thing you needed before you ran to where they were, ignoring the pain that surged your body for every movement that you made. You were fine, this couldn’t stop you from knowing the truth, this would never stop you from reaching out to the Eldian, to someone that introduced you to what it felt like to love someone.
Surely the Marleyan was just bluffing, you knew that all of the guns were already shot towards the sky before. But there was a possibility that they had another, and you couldn’t bear to see another bloodshed, not when you felt like there was no need to continue this war if the main enemy was already gone.
“If we did still have the power of the titans, wouldn’t we be using it to resist you?” Ah, was it true? That titan power was already gone for good from this world? “But the fact that we continue to be powerless even as you point your guns at us is the greatest possible proof of our humanity.”
He made sense, even as you stopped a few steps behind the Marleyan Military, you could hear the sincerity from his words. Yet somehow, your race still couldn’t accept the fact, not daring to lower their gun just yet. You couldn’t really blame them for doing so, knowing how much terror that they have seen just for the last couple of hours.
So you stood forward, dragging your feet as you ignored the surprised gasp from your troops.
“Everyone, drop your guns to the ground.” You still couldn’t hear any movement as you said so, and you clicked your tongue over that. “Now!”
Then one by one, you heard how the metal weapon fell to the ground like a symbol of peace. There were around twenty troops behind you, the survivors of the explosion before, the only people who lived from Marleyan Military after such a horrendous event. And they obeyed your command, believing in you that you would make the right choice.
You turned to look at your troops, giving them a reassuring gaze one by one that from now on, everything would be alright. Some of them were crying, some of them fell to the ground as they screamed out, out of frustration or relief for being alive, you couldn’t differentiate it anymore, maybe a bit of both.
Your job was done, for now, so you had to know what happened. You needed to know who was the man who stood in front of you now as his ocean blue eyes gazing at you with respect and gratitude. He gave you a firm nod, and you followed after as you straightened your posture.
“Then, who are you?”
“I am Armin Arlert, an Eldian from the island of Paradis. The man who killed Eren Yeager, the attack titan.”
The way he said it was absolute. Certainty was there and somehow you wanted to just let your sore body fall to the ground as relief started to fill your heart. But not yet, you had to be the commander of the air force unit, probably the only higher-ups left in the military here.
“Greetings then, Armin Arlert.” You started, giving him a Marleyan salute as he answered it by balling his right hand into a fist, resting it right in front of his heart after that. “I am the commander of the air force unit of Marleyan Military, my troops and I would do anything we could do to assist everyone here.”
For the next few hours, everyone who was healthy enough was assigned to take care of those who had injuries or any other casualties. You as the commander, trying to call and inform the military base in the capital. Solace flooded over you once again when you received the news that more than a half part of Marley was still intact.
You immediately called for backup, informing them to tell the whole world what happened in Fort Salta. This needed to be distributed now, that they didn’t have to worry anymore, that the world was finally free from titans. You told them all the little details about those who fought in the battle, you told them that it was thanks to the Eldians themselves that the rumbling stopped.
“It’s…” You trailed off as the chief on the other line asked you the name of the war that shook the world just now. “It’s the battle of heaven and earth.”
Today marked the three years of the world’s victory against titans. Eldians finally freed from the curse and lived a normal life like humanity in the rest of the world. Though, of course, doubt and fear still lingered in the heart of the people. That was why those soldiers who directly fought with the attack titan became the ambassador of peace, travelling around the world to tell their stories.
They were the ones who lived, the heroes who chose to fight humanity who always treated their race like an insect. They were those who chose humanity over their own life, the ones who cast their feelings aside and killed their best friend because that was the right thing to do.
And your lover was one of them, he was an Eldian, a soldier who was ready to sacrifice his life in war.
Jean Kirstein, the man that you met in a bar back then in Marley, the only person who could make you feel so bare as he painted you with affection.
The person who you would wait a thousand years if you had to, so long so you could be together.
You subconsciously touched your left fingers, tracing your coarse skin as you absentmindedly remembered the reunion that you had with him. Not the one where he shouted at you to stay back, not the one where it filled with painful tears as you saw him transformed into a titan in front of your eyes.
But it was the one that made you feel so full. After calling the capital and making sure the Eldian would be treated fairly, you finally could take a breather and sit just outside the tower in Fort Salta. The sun slowly turned into an orange hue that time, your body was all aching as the adrenaline from before started to wear off.
You didn’t turn your face away from the horizon as you felt someone sat beside you on the ground, not saying anything for the next couple of minutes as you and the mysterious figure just basked yourself on the peaceful atmosphere, something that was never there with how war and violence always filled the ground.
The orange hue slowly reddened as the sun hid behind the mountain, letting the moon take over with thousands of stars adorned the night sky.
There were no words being spoken as two bodies decided to scoot closer to each other as if there were strings that bound them together. You dropped your head on his shoulder, letting out a long sigh as the realisation finally sank in.
“I am back, (Y/n).” His voice was still filled with disbelief. “Just like what I promised you.” But it sounds the same as how it used to, lingering with something that you knew as love.
You lifted your head a little, wanting to take a look at him and scrutinizing his face. He was here, Jean Kirstein in a flesh. He was not a titan anymore, he was just an Eldian from the island of Paradis, a normal human, just like you.
There was a dingling sound as he fetched something from his pocket, your eyes never left his as you felt a warm metal slipped on your palm. He closed your hand after that, wanting you to know that he was real, that he finally could give back the silver key that he brought with him ever since in Marley.
You felt like you wanted to burst at the moment. You wanted to cry, screaming at him for fighting the attack titan despite being a mere soldier who didn’t even inherit the nine titans, you wanted to ask how he felt right now and what actually happened, there was so much that you wanted to say, so many words that you wanted to tell him.
But there would be a time for that, you were certain that you would have a lot of time after all of these were done.
So you just curled your lips into a smile, orbs glistening with tears as it shone with adoration, palm gripping the key a little tighter with his hand on top of yours.
“Welcome back, Jean.”
You patted the excess of the dirt in your hand on your black apron, finally done repotting some of the plants. When your eyes fleeted to the side, you tilted your head in confusion as the bird from before was still there, so loyal as it accompanied you for the last hour.
This one was different compared to the others. The birds that you saw before only had one solid colour, but this one that stayed with you had brown feathers on some of their features.
The bird just looked at you with wonder, tilting their head to the side as they jumped from the flower bed and landed beside you. Your lips immediately shaped into a smile, wondering why the bird decided to stay with you when the others left already.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
You cooed at the bird, careful not to move your body too abruptly, afraid that they would fly again. Of course, you didn’t expect them to chirp, but maybe you could talk to them a little. And you could write it down in the letter that you sent for Jean later on.
“I don’t know why you are here, but don’t you think you should go back though?”
Those beady black orbs fell upon your face as if they understood your words. “You must have a family, right? Perhaps maybe a lover?” So you decided to keep on talking, throwing some random questions, conversing with them like an old friend. “Bet your lover is so beautiful like you, and they must be waiting for you, you know?”
“Like you wait for me?”
Silence. On the first second, the bird was in front of you. But now, they flapped their wings and flew, leaving you there with both pupils widened as a familiar voice rang through your ear. You didn’t understand why they suddenly left, but maybe, maybe it was because of the fact that you were not alone anymore.
That maybe because they knew your lover came back.
And so they would do the same and flew to where their lover was.
“Jean?”
No, he was not supposed to be here. From the letters that you got last week, he was supposed to be in Marley right now with the others. He told you that through the words that he scribbled down on the old paper, and you remembered how he would come back next month.
But of course, your eyes wouldn’t deceive you, of course, your ear could never catch the exact voice that belonged to him if he was not really here.
He stood around five feet apart from you with a cheeky smile that made you want to just slap it away from his beautiful face. His ash-brown locks slightly got longer, looking neat despite the wind that swayed some strands of his hair, and you wondered how many times he combed his hair to make it look like that.
Though you didn’t care about it, you didn’t care about how he was here right now when you were certain he should have been somewhere else. You didn’t care that you stumbled on some of the gardening tools as you ran towards him. You didn’t care if your apron could leave some dirt on his expensive suit.
What you cared right now as your feet brought you closer to him — was to feel his embrace once more.
You jumped right into his arms, chin resting on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his neck, not wanting to let go. Right now, you just wanted to shout and announce to the world that you wanted him for yourself, at least for just a few minutes, at least for a moment.
Everyone could call you selfish at this point you didn’t care anymore. For all your life you never wanted anything but a world without fear. And now as you achieved it, the only matter that could complete it was to spend it all with the one that somehow had half of your heart anywhere he goes.
You have waited for him for far too long. You always waited for him afraid that he wouldn’t come back to your apartment, you always waited for him with distress lingering at the back of your mind that he was not alive anymore when he was there on the other side of the sea.
But now as you felt the warmth within his touch, now as you felt his smile as his lips planted on the side of your face, you finally knew how it feels to live in a world without fear since from now on, you were free to love him.
He was too — free to love you as his real self, an Eldian, a war hero, Jean Kirstein from the island of Paradis.
“I am home.”
And as the two bodies basked in the warmth of a loved one, hand intertwined that clashed a silver metal band next to each other, they both knew that from now on — they were going to wake up every single morning and live their dream.
In a world where there was no fear, spending it in prime real estate with a significant other.
Earning the right to live a happy life for hopefully, a long time.
