#written in pen
If I stayed with my ex, I would be married with kids right now and honestly I would be really happy, I know that. But I wouldn’t have met you or your sister or my neighbors or any of the guys I’ve dated in the past 5 years or any of the people I consider my best friends right now. And there are thousands of pictures I wouldn’t have taken and memories I wouldn’t have made and trips I wouldn’t have gone on and favorite outfits I wouldn’t have bought. And I wouldn’t live in this apartment and I wouldn’t have taken this job. I was so close to my entire life being completely different. My life that I’m in love with almost didn’t exist. That’s why I’m thankful for that breakup and all the worst moments of my life. Because I wouldn’t have what I have right now without every decision I’ve made leading up to today, even the bad ones.
Some people take up a lot of our pages but aren’t in the last chapter. Some people make an appearance for two weeks in our lives and fuck everything up. It’s not about them, it’s about the ones walking off the screen holding your hand in the series finale.
There’s “obvious, meant to be love” and then there’s “holy shit how did I not see this” love. And I’m not going to say that one’s better than the other but one is built on years of all different kinds of feelings and it’s not the obvious one.
For anyone trying to get over someone right now:
- It’s possible for you to be happy without him because you were happy before him
- Think about all the people you’ve felt this way about in the past and how little you care about them now
- People make time for what they want to make time for and you don’t deserve anything less than first place
- Remember when you had to convince yourself he was good enough for you?
- Think about all the things you loved doing with him and ask yourself if you could be just as happy doing those same things with someone else (someone better)
- Shift your energy to something else- everytime you start thinking about him open a book or start a yoga class or cook
- Just because it was comfortable doesn’t mean it was meant to be
- Write down all the things you hated about him- literally every little thing that annoyed you. Then burn it along with any pictures of him you have
- Write down all the things you think he’s going to miss about you. Keep that list somewhere you’ll see it everyday
- Finally- If he wanted to, he would have. And there’s someone out there who will.
I knew the second I saw you. I don’t know what I knew, but I knew it and I’ve never been more sure of anything.
If you told me when we met and I instantly fell for you that I’d have to wait six years for us to be together, my heart would have broken. But knowing what I learned in those six years, and the people I met, and the places I went, and the memories I made, and even the people that hurt me and the nights I spent crying on the floor, I realize now that I needed every single one of those days to be able to make it work with you. Because that girl six years ago knew what she wanted but didn’t know what she needed. You can’t end up with the person you’re supposed to be with until you’ve had that one soul crushing heartbreak, the most fun night of your life with people you’ll never see again, at least a dozen mornings filled with questions, multiple first dates you regret the moment you walk in, loves that turned into best friends, a life changing trip with your closest girlfriends, and those very important almost maybes that didn’t work out but still made you happy and taught you more about yourself than you wanted to know. Otherwise you’ll be missing out on some of the most important parts of life.
There have been three times in my life where I met someone and had this feeling that I can’t explain. I don’t believe in love at first sight but these people instantly felt like home and that almost sounds crazier. I can’t put it into words but it was a combination of not wanting the night to end, ever, and knowing the feeling was mutual. So basically, I knew the second I saw you. I don’t know what I knew, but I knew it, and I’ve never been more sure of anything. And if you also knew, then maybe that’s what they call soulmates.
Sometimes the healthiest relationships don’t work out because we crave excitement and healthy isn’t him chasing you down the street at 3am and healthy isn’t throwing all his clothes in the front yard when he doesn’t come home one night. But sometimes we need to be chased and sometimes we need to have giant screaming crying fights because we’re human and it can’t be perfect all the time. And if it is, then it doesn’t feel real.
I change my mind about a lot of things very often. Clothes I wore every day have been donated, I don’t even know where my best friends from high school live anymore, my favorite food is different than it was last year, my favorite song is different than it was last week. There are very few things I need and the things I want can be different tomorrow. So the fact that I keep coming back to you means something- because if something stands the test of time with me it’s rare and it matters. But never forget that I don’t need you, I want you. And that’s the only reason you’re here.
It’s really simple- I don’t like liars and you lied to me about your entire life. Yes, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him, but that’s just a different kind of lying. I’m sorry it hurt you but I’m not sorry it happened, and I don’t regret it because we’re both happier now. Not all bad things we do end badly for us.
The things that sound like they can’t possibly work are the things that turn out to be the most amazing. Like self driving cars and video calls- those things seemed impossible not too long ago. When our grandparents were our age, self driving cars sounded absolutely insane, a normal Toyota Corolla would’ve looked like a spaceship in 1920 and now we literally have cars that park themselves. That’s insane. No groundbreaking, earth-shattering invention was a “finally they did it” situation, it was a “holy shit I didn’t think it could ever happen but it did and it’s better than I could’ve imagined” situation. Now think about how you can apply that to your own life.
“you were my first love and you always will be. i can’t say i don’t miss you but i cannot keep you here with me forever. the memory of the person you used to be is slowly fading and i’m starting to forget what it felt like to love you. what it felt like being loved by you. i see you with her and i resent you. i’m scared that my memories of you as my first love will be overshadowed by the destruction you caused in the end.”
— s.c. (accepting change)
The most attractive thing you could show someone is effort & the most important thing you could give someone is time.
