#marvel crack
“let’s here it for captain america”
Stucky is my ship that will never sink.
NoT on My WaTCh.
steve: you pulled me from the river. why?
bucky:
✨my shoulders hold everything but my bags and that’s because my eyes carry them✨
-tony stark
Peter: How did you find your meal, Mr Stark?
Tony: It’s good, decent. A little cold, though.
Harley: You know what we meant.
Tony: Asking Peter to web it to the ceiling doesn’t mean it’s hard to find when you’ve got pasta sauce dripping from the ceiling.
Peter: I’m good at identifying birds
Tony, pointing to a pigeon: What bird is that?
Peter: …Sam
Steve: *sets kitchen on fire*
Bucky, panicking: WHERE’S THE RESPONSIBLE ADULT?
Steve: HE’S SLEEPING ON THE COUCH
Bucky: WATER, GIVE ME A BUCKET OF WATER
Steve: passes him a bucket of water
Bucky, walking out to dump the bucket onto Sam: the kitchen’s on fire
civil war tonynat were snaccs
Steve, walking into the room with a signage around his neck saying ‘Good things’ :
Tony, following after Steve with a similar sign except his says 'Small Packages’:
Peter, packing his bags: I hate this household
Steve: Sharon is my world
Peggy, Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Sam: how many worlds do you need are you building a solar system or something
Peter: Can you run for President next year?
Vision:Why?
Peter: So we can have 20/20 Vision for the rest of the year.
bringing this back as well just for the sake of it
and trumps impeachment
happy new year!
wanda: I hate it when people ask me what Im going to do in the future
wanda: it’s not like I have 20/20 vision
avengers :
wanda, sobbing: Vision I miss you please come back
Natasha: Accept your flaws, you’ll feel better. That’s what I did.
Steve: You’ve accepted your flaws?
Natasha: No. I accepted yours.
Sam: Rise and shine, the sun is up
Bucky: What do you want me to do, photosynthesize?
Steve : Look, the doctor said ‘internal bleeding’, and that’s where my blood is supposed to be. It’s fine.
Sam : That’s not how it works
Nat and Bucky, exasperated: Just let him die already
Steve, jolting awake at 3am: BUCKY WHAT THE HELL
Bucky :What?
Steve: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
Bucky : SO ONLY ROOSTERS ARE ALLOWED TO WAKE YOU UP SCREAMING NOW HUH?
Steve :YES.
Bucky : too bad.
Bucky : *continues screaming*
Bucky : if I die, donate my whole body to science
Bucky : except for my middle fingers
Bucky: give them to Sam
Sam : fuck you too
Steve :… I’m more concerned about the fact that Bucky just said ‘if’ and not 'when’
Nat: If Red Skull joined the Fire Department, what would he say every time he fights a blaze?
Steve:
Bucky:
Nat: Hail Hydrant
Nat:
Nat: come back, it’s funny
Rhodey: Pepper asked me what the height of stupidity was.
Rhodey: My answer has been the same since forever ago.
Tony:
Rhodey: 5 foot 7 and 3 quarters
Rhodey: but 6 foot 5 when he’s in his armour
Tony:waIT-
Peter: Hey, I’m going to get coffee. You guys want anything?
Natasha: Black coffee.
Tony: Double of Nat’s.
Steve: I’m fine.
Peter: Are you sure you don’t want anything, Captain Rogers?
Peter: Like, maybe an iced Americano?
Steve:
Steve: You know what, Parker?
