#mental abuse

Meeting The Narcissist

One night, I go out with a few coworkers. It’s only my second time at a bar, had I just turned 21 recently, And needed a night out.

After sleeping off the fun I had the night before. I see a message request.

Asking if I was at the bar last night.

Telling me I’m beautiful, and how he tracked down the girls I was with because he had to know my name.

I had no memory of seeing him anywhere that night.

An hour passed until I was back in service. To find your messages.

Back to back, asking me where I was and why it took so long.

Red flag #1 that I ignored.

Begging me to come see him at his house. This man I didnt know.

Instead, I settled for a phone call.

Hours of talking, and being a small town, he knew my family.

Realizing I’ve met him before. Numerous times in fact when I was younger.

I agreed to meet at the bar he saw me at one night. Thought a casual meet in public was acceptable.

Upon arriving, he greets me at the door and walks me in.

I excuse myself to the restroom before finding a seat.

A girl I didn’t know walks in, and approaches me.

She mentions she saw who i walked in with and tells me “He’s not a good guy, you should steer clear of him” and then walked out the door.

Red flag #2 ignored.

I figured a jealous ex.

I walk out and he sits us at the bar next to a girl, his sister.

I ask for water since I have to drive home.

After awhile, he disappears somewhere and I’m left with his sister and her boyfriend.

They begin ordering shots.

I can’t find him anywhere.

I attempt to get up, and his sister gives me a shot, so I oblige.

Trying to get up again, I’m stopped by another round of shots.

I precede to say I have to drive, and the sister goes to texting on her phone.

Next he appears, literally out of nowhere, and tells me there’s plenty of time, enjoy myself and then just drink water towards the end of the night.

So I take the shot and he vanishes again.

The sister and boyfriend feeding me shots after shots. Appearing once and says to have fun and if needed he can drive my car home and have someone bring him home. That he wasn’t drinking anymore. After all, I only seen him take 1 shot.

I called it quits several shots later and go to find him.

Standing up, realizing the shots hit me harder than I thought, and that I haven’t ate all day, the room spins around me.

He appears with an older lady, and introduces his mom to me.

I say I’m going outside to cool off and I’m ready to leave when he is.

He tells me he’s too drunk to drive my car and he had got dropped off there earlier, but his mom can drive my car to his house. Then once sober I can go home, or sleep on the couch if I wish.

After declining against it, that I will just sober up in my car then drive home.

He brings up my family and how they wouldn’t like that he let me sit outside a bar alone.

So I give in. His mother driving my car to his house, she sits awhile with us until her ride comes to get her.

Then were left alone.

Not knowing this one night would change my life.

-RB

Sadly a lot of people only see abuse as black and white. You may not have physical scars, but the emotional ones run deep to the point that they alter your DNA. A lot of people think that you could just get up and leave when in reality the actual thought of leaving physically hurts.

You can’t imagine life without them and you rationalize your pain as the ups and downs of life. Your abuser takes advantage of what is essentially your addiction to their attention. They dope you up with positivity only to take it away when you don’t meet their expectations - mentally breaking you. You find yourself craving and praying for their approval.

You’re never the same after that. There’s pre-them and after-them.

Once they leave you because they’re bored, have no use for you or worse found someone else to abuse, you become almost destitute and just broken. You struggle to move on and no matter how much therapy you get, you never truly go back to who you were before them. You find yourself becoming addicted to anyone who shows you kindness or replicates anything remotely close to your abuser on their best days. It’s a struggle that many people do not understand and often times blame you for putting up with it.

She is Resilient

12/30/19