you didn’t say sorry, not really. you said sorry only when i pushed about it, you said it like an afterthought, like - oh fine, if this is what you want. the apology was already tearing itself apart in the air. you said sorry, but you caused this. you said sorry you feel that way, i guess. you said: what else do you want me to say? you’ve already made up your mind to be angry about this.

you’ve moved on since then. i hope you found a therapist. i am stuck with all of the hurt you caused but - you’ve been working on yourself, on your multiple projects, on that beautiful life you live. happy - you look happier, lighter, free of all of it. you take artsy videos of yourself dancing; caption it - a friend recently abandoned me.

nobody else knows how hard you pushed. nobody else knows what you did. i am sure you tell everyone a version of the truth that makes out the best of you; turns me into a cold unfeeling bitch who just “doesn’t understand” you. i am sure you leave out all the ways i gave you myself, over and over, for years. how many times before this you hurt me, crossed my boundaries, laid me bare - what you say to them about when i finally drew the line is - she is just being unfair.

sometimes i feel insane about it. i have to text my best friend, make sure that what-i-think-happened actually-happened. to double-check that i wasn’t being a bad person. maybe i’m misremembering it. she often has to guide me back to the same two facts: beyond what any one person could reasonably expect, i gave you everything, and you still wanted more of it.

it makes me angry, when it doesn’t make me sick. i force myself to journal about it. how fucked up it makes me, knowing your narrative will be the one that sticks - knowing you are out there, right now, making sure everyone listens. telling them how you are being targeted. how you, hurting me on purpose, making me feel small, ignoring my needs - how that was really my fault, in the end.

yesterday you made a post on instagram talking about how you used to feel guilty about something that had gone wrong in a relationship, but that you’ve freed yourself from those toxic idealisms. you said: i am not giving her the power to make me feel bad about my mistakes. i am just a human person - it’s up to her if she wants to be the bigger person and actually forgive.

and i just sat there and thought: you haven’t even actually apologized for it.

Dead eye contact immediately. Strong smirk and unbroken flex. You’ve just entered a true Alphas, house. I know it’s an ego crusher, cause you thought you were in the crew too. Maybe someday. I’m now burned in your brain as your goal. True conquering and pure deep seated domination. They always end with their heads down like good boys.

Know the signs and call it what it is.

1. Don’t expect empathy, understanding or praise and recognition from a narcissistic person. Keep your private thoughts and feelings close to your heart, and don’t open up and make yourself vulnerable.

2. Expect them to be rude and to say offensive things.

3. Don’t be offended by the things they say and do as it’s not about you – they treat others the same way.

4. Make a lot of their achievements and praise them publicly as they’re always looking to be noticed and affirmed.

5. Don’t try to get a narcissist to see things differently as they’re not going to change, or be influenced by you.

6. Understand that a narcissist is going to drain you dry – and will guilt you into think that you haven’t done enough. But it’s actually not true. They just can’t be satisfied.

7. Don’t push for a meaningful relationship with them as it will always be one-sided … look for love from someone else.

ashh-err:

People with personality disorders are not inherently bad people

Remember this; we’re human beings.

cantcatchmeee:

“I am an empath. I discovered I was an empath after I got involved in a very deep and highly destructive relationship with a narcissist.

I am writing this article from the perspective of an empath, however, would love to read the view from the opposite side if there are any narcissists that would like to offer their perception on this.

Through writing about the empath personality type I have connected with many other people who class themselves as an empath and time and again I have heard people tell me how they have also attracted relationships with narcissists. There is a link. So, I decided to explore it further.

For a detailed explanation of both the narcissist and empathy personality types, please click hereandhere.

This is my theory…

From my own experience and studies on the narcissist personality type, there is always one core trait: A narcissist is wounded.

Something, somewhere along the line, usually stemming from childhood causes a person to feel worthless and unvalued and, due to this, they will constantly and very desperately seek validation.

Here comes the empath, the healer. An empath has the ability to sense and absorb other people’s pain and often takes it on as though it were their own. If an empath is not consciously aware of boundaries and does not understand how to protect themselves, they will very easily and very quickly bond with the narcissist in order to try to fix and repair any damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain.

What the empath fails to realise is that the narcissist is a taker. An energy sucker, a vampire so to speak. They will draw the life and soul out of anyone they come into contact with, given the chance. This is so that they can build up their own reserves and, in doing so, they can use the imbalance to their advantage.

This dynamic will confuse and debilitate an empath, as if they do not have a full understanding of their own or other people’s capabilities, they will fail to see that not everyone is like them. An empath will always put themselves into other people’s shoes and experience the feelings, thoughts and emotions of others, while forgetting that other people may have an agenda very different to their own and that not everyone is sincere.

The narcissist’s agenda is one of manipulation, it is imperative they are in a position whereby they can rise above others and be in control. The empath’s agenda is to love, heal and care. There is no balance and it is extremely unlikely there ever will be one. The more love and care an empath offers, the more powerful and in control a narcissist will become.

The more powerful the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath will retreat into a victim status. Then, there is a very big change—the empath will take on narcissistic traits as they too become wounded and are constantly triggered by the damage being in the company with a narcissist creates. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun to swirl.

When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded they will play on this and the main intention will be to keep the empath down. The lower down an empath becomes, the higher a narcissist will feel. An empath will begin to frantically seek love, validation, confirmation and acceptance from a narcissist and each cry for help as such will affirm to the narcissist what they are desperate to feel inside—worthy. A bitter battle can ensue.

As an empath focuses solely on their pain, trauma and the destruction of their lives, they become self-obsessed and fail to see where the damage is coming from. Instead of looking outwards and seeing what is causing it, the empath will turn everything inward and blame themselves.

An empath at this stage must realise the situation they are in and wake up to it, as anyone who is deeply in pain and has been hurt can then become a narcissist themselves as they turn their focus onto their own pain and look for others to make them feel okay again.

Any attempt to communicate authentically with the narcissist will be futile as they will certainly not be looking to soothe and heal anyone else. Not only this, they are extremely charismatic and manipulative and have a powerful way of turning everything away from themselves and onto others. A narcissist will blame their own pain on an empath, plus they will also make sure the empath feels responsible for the pain they too are suffering.

An empath will know that they are in a destructive relationship by this stage and will feel so insecure, unloved and unworthy and it can be easy to blame all of their destruction onto the narcissist.

However, an empath should not be looking to blame anyone else. An empath has a choice, to remain the victim, a pawn in the narcissists game or to garner all strength they can muster and find a way out.

Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive and charismatic person they were attracted to.

However we allow ourselves to be treated is a result of our own choices. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they are choosing at some level what they believe they are worth on the inside. An empath cannot let their self-worth be determined by a narcissist. It is imperative they trust and believe in themselves enough to recognise that they are not deserving of the words and actions the narcissist delivers and to look for an escape.

In an empath’s eyes, all they searched and looked for was someone to take care of and love and to ultimately fix.” That is where the trouble began and that is the most profound part of this that an empath must realise.

We are not here to fix anyone. We cannot fix anyone. Everyone is responsible for and capable of fixing themselves, but only if they so choose to.

The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist the sooner they will spot one and the less chance they have of developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already underway, it is never too late to seek help, seek understanding and knowledge and to dig deep into one’s soul and recognise our own strengths and capabilities and do everything we can to build the courage and confidence to see it for what it is and walk away—for good.

The chance of a narcissist changing is highly unlikely, so we shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, then great, but it should never happen at the expense of anyone else. They are not consciously aware of their behaviour and the damage it causes and in their game they will sacrifice anyone and anything for their own gain—regardless of what pretty lies and sweet nothings they try to whisper.

An empath is authentic and is desperate to live true to their soul’s purpose and will very likely find the whole relationship a huge lesson, a dodged bullet and painfully awakening.

A narcissist will struggle to have any connection to their authentic self and will likely walk away from the relationship very easily once they realise they have lost their ability to control the empath. The game is no longer pleasurable if they are not having their ego constantly stroked, so they will seek out their next victim.

The ability for these two types to bond is quite simply impossible. The narcissist’s heart is closed, an empath’s is open—it is nothing short of a recipe for a huge disaster, and not a beautiful one”

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/the-toxic-attraction-between-an-empath-a-narcissist/

Narcissistic mothers enjoy pitting one child against the other.
This way, they never bond. The Golden Child then remains closest to the mother while the scapegoat is isolated.

Be warned; this could be disturbing to some.
My narcissistic mother loved to control food.
Every bite I took, she controlled. She put the food on my plate I was allowed to eat.
This week I have had multiple dreams about a week from my childhood where it took a fairly dark turn.
When I was around 5 or 6, my mother informed me that they were taking my brother to an amusement park in another state. I was going to stay with a family that went to “church” (Armstrong cult) with them.
I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t stay with my Great Aunt and Uncle where I typically stayed.
I remember I was dropped off at this strange house in the late afternoon. They had a daughter close to my age, but I had never met her before. She was standing on the porch and yelled “She’s here” when I arrived.
I next remember sitting down at their dinner table. It was stone silent and the mother said:
“Your mother told me that you have eating issues and left a list for me of what you can have”
My cheeks burned in embarrassment.
She continued:
“I’m not sure what you’re going to have while you’re here. We don’t eat those foods”
I wanted to sink through the floor. I sat there in silence as they ate, too afraid to say anything. As soon as they were finished, the mother took me down stairs to a partially finished basement. She told me where to put my sleeping bag on the floor.
She then let me know that my mother had told her that I was defiant about going to be, and that wasn’t accepted in their house. I sat alone for the rest of the night on my sleeping bag. 

When morning came, I was called upstairs to “breakfast’ where I was offered a piece of dry toast while they had cereal and milk. I was told I could go out in the backyard to play. I sat in the grass under a tree for the majority of the day.

At lunch, there was a sandwich of 1 slice of white bread and a piece of cheese. The girl that was my age sat across the table from me eating a large bag of potato chips, staring at me. She never spoke a word to me.

Dinner was once again an empty plate. When I asked if I could have some cabbage, the man in the house took me by the arm and dragged me away from the table. He said;
“You need to learn to shut up”.
And told me to go downstairs.
I didn’t speak again.

I was there for a week. I was so tired and weak that all I could do was sit and try not to cry. My stomach hurt. My muscles were cramped and my head pounded. My eyes were dry and sore.

When my parents finally showed up, the mother told them:
“that is the most ungrateful child I’ve ever met. She has not thanked me one time for anything”
My mother whipped me right then.

They dropped me off at my Great Aunt and Uncle’s house later that evening. I ate so much that they questioned me. I finally let myself cry.
When I told them about my week, they were in shock. My parents had told them I was going on vacation with them.

Alhammdulillah it ended before I was labeled “crazy.” He was already starting the campaign, but thankfully his crazy was on full display.