sproutlett:

this is for the people who went through trauma and didn’t come out of it with thicker skin. but, instead, came back with sensitivity to the world and a deep sadness that won’t go away. some of us went through something and lost a piece of ourselves; our broken hearts never healed quite right afterwards. i see you and i feel you and i am you. it’s going to be okay.

TW: child abuse

I’m dmn TIRED of child abuse victims and just abuse victims in general who have the privilege of getting therapy and meds WHO THINK IT’S OKAY TO SHAME OTHER VICTIMS WHO DON’T HAVE THAT PRIVILEGE!!

I’m tired of seeing the

“ I didn’t stay in my victomhood, I became a survivor! not a victim!”

“ I didn’t stay stuck in my victimhood! ”

“ ptsd is for victims not survivors!”

Like no no no no

You are a person who can afford therapy that’s it!

You are a person who was helped by therapy and isn’t harmed by your ptsd as much because a therapist taught you ways to cope and you probs got some meds to help like which is cool for you

BUT

People who are still living and struggling with their PTSD are just as strong and survivors.

I’m glad that you got all this help but don’t you dare shame people who are handling this sht all by themselves.

They are handling it all without the privileges that you have and they are beyond any words of strong.

Also shut your traps about

“ PTSD is for victims not survivors!! ”

PTSD is for people who are surviving through trauma..

People living with PTSD are survivors.

You’re just promoting rpe culture by shaming victims for living with PTSD.

Not everyone can afford therapy and meds..

I need a long hug and a gentle punch in the face with a chair or something.

…well it does… I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t. I legitimately struggle every single day with just living with this, let alone all the complications I have had with it along the way. I’ve been in therapy now for about 3 months, and it has helped me a lot to fully understand my many traumas…which also means having to relive those things, and face them head on again. I know I have been through a lot in 23 years to say the least, I understand the amount of trauma I have been through. Yet, I still find ways to deminish things I have been through. Just this week my therapist and I went over every traumatic event in my life other than my grandfather’s attempted murder and successful suicide when I was 14. Almost every year, was plauged with at least one traumatic event. What caught me off guard, or what was a big slap in the face of reality was when my therapist said to me that no toddler deserves abuse. All I could picture was, little toddler me being abused by my mother, not understanding what what was happening and it absolutely broke my heart. I just cried. I don’t know, maybe its because I’m older now and can see things from different perspectives now. I always knew my mom abused me my whole life, living with a mentally unstable person your entire life you’re going to be abused, and I got it on every level, mental, emotional and physical. One time when I was 3 or 4 my mom had a seizer in bed, and we lived about 1 hour away from the nearest hospital with an ER in it. My dad left me, and my mom in the house for 3 days and said that he didn’t “sign up for this shit” when he got married…ya kinda did, but that’s besides the point. My grandmother found me running about the house, I knew something was wrong with my mom but I couldn’t do anything about it, but I directed my grandmother upstairs to my mother. If my grandmother hadn’t come over I’m not sure what would have happened. There’s a lot that happened when I was little, a lot. I really bothers me why no one helped me. My grandmother has even told me that I should have been pulled out of my house and placed into foster care…why didnt she ever help? My brother who is 10 years older than me(who is also a cop), he never helped either and he knew too. I used to wish and hope some how some way, someone would pluck me out of that life and situation, but it never happened. So many things could have been different. I don’t know what normal is. So many traumatic things have continued to happen to me I don’t think that I would ever know what normal could be. But then when I see the people around me who haven’t had something horrible happen to them, they have veil over their eyes. They cannot, for whatever reason see past themselves, let alone any wrong doings of the world. I would like to think that these events have built me up to see these things around me for what they truly are. Maybe its my own way of coping with things, I don’t know. What I do know is that I have triggers daily, I’m on muscle relaxers because my body is so used to being tense all the time I can’t relax and have been having a lot of tension migraines lately; and the always lovely panic attacks. This is my normal. I have somehow found strength in myself to live with these things and thrive in them the best way that I can. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but despite everything that has happened and what I live with daily, my future is brighter than ever.

After midnight thoughts.

Streaming tears. Nightmares full of fears.

Nightmare rape. Lips sealed with tape.

Bitten lips. Heart scarred with rips.

Vulnerable heart. Faking smiles art.

I’m no ones first choice, not even second, and that really sucks.

I’m so ugly not even makeup can hide it

Yes I am angry. I’m furious. How dare you take my whole life away from me the way you did. For years I beat myself up about it; thinking all this was my fault. But its not and it never was. Its yours and it always will be. And guess what? 5 years on and I’M STILL GAY. So yeah that thing you were trying to prove? Proved absolutely nothing. I’m now 18 years old, I still struggle to sleep some nights, I still remember your face clearly, and sometimes I don’t think I can do this. But you know what? I can do this and I will. Not just for me, but to prove to you that I can survive all the pain, hurt and confusion you put me through. And I will say this loud and clear because I’m not afraid of you anymore, you can’t hurt me. I am a survivor, not a victim and I will conquer this fight and come out so much stronger

tried—tired.

Me to my therapist as we start trauma work:

Safety planning

Me: “I’ll be safe”

Therapist: “Okay so what is your plan for tonight?”

Me:

Me: *desperatly wants a secure attachment*

A secure attachment: *starts happening*

Me:

Therapist: “So you’re going to solve your abandonment issues by… abandoning people first?”

Me: