Lureva here lol it’s 5 am here i hate school but i gotta do this now or i may never will omg i just went through some of yall’s amazing sge content and im crying ahhhhhh thank you so much for participating in this countdown i never thought that my first time to co-host an event would be this successful there are tears i tell you teARS

life has been hectic so i havent been been able to reply to my messages or respond to my inbox contents but i will probably next week or so (i know im terrible) but i just wanna tell you that i dont mean to be disrespectful but rl is pain

To everyone who participated in this countdown once again a million thanks!! I’ll be reblogging them soon (haha hopefully) cos they all precious gems that need to bless this blog

I wont be able to get a copy of book4 that easily probably so friendly reminder to avoid posting qfg spoilers for like a week from now ;)

Also to everyone affected by recent tragic events such as the natural disasters (like my bae @baetrixv) please sTAY SAFE AND EVERYONE LET’S PRAY FOR THE BEST AND FOR 2017 TO STOP TRYING TO ONE UP 2016 THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN ROUGH BOOK4 IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY IM STILL LIVING RN TBH

also like on a super super suuuupper unrelated side note please check out BTS’ DNA MV (i just started getting into them this summer and there was no going back i swear) like its really really good as well as the whole album love yourself because it has a lot of different genres and stuff so you can pick any song to love you wont regret it suga (the blue haired one) is my bias shameless promo i know but the fandom’s aiming to break more records woohoo if you also want to have one more thing to fangirl with me bts is the way to go

All in all tho thanks again for the continual love and support!! May Camelot reign forever!!!

I live for these kinds of texts

We’re friends but the girl I haven’t spoken to for three months is the one who checked up on me when I was sick, and we’re friends but the person I talked to twice on Twitter is the one who remembered my birthday and we’re friends but you’re always the one who leaves me feeling empty at night because we’re friends but I feel a sense of dread whenever I hear your name. But we’re friends, right?

No thanks my plate is full 

disabilityhealth:

My pharmacy blames my doctor for not having my prescription

My doc blames the pharmacy

I just need my pills people

By popular demand (haha what a joke there was no demand for this post, it’s just a dream of mine to some day use that phrase) here’s a list of the characters of Kalevala, organised by place of residence. This time also provided to you in alphabetical order because well, only the best for my readers. Oh and there’s also a list of the cows of Kalevala. Enjoy! 

Kalevala / Karjala / Väinölä

Aino∞sister to Joukahainen, betrothed to Väinämöinen but instead of marrying him she drowns herself and become’s a Vellamon neiti, maiden of water

Ainikki∞sister to Lemminkäinen

Annikki∞sister to Ilmarinen

Ilmarinen∞a skilled smith who forges the Sampo, marries Pohjan neiti and after losing her forges the silver bride and later the lights of sky

Joukahainen∞skinny boy from Lapland who loses to Väinämöinen in poem singing and promises his sister Aino toVäinämöinen just to spare his own life

Kalervo∞father of Kullervo, brother to Untamo

Kalervon impi∞mother of Kullervo,Kalervo’s wife

Kullervo∞a youngling raised in slavery, seduces his own sister by accident (she kills herself after realising this), takes revenge on Untamo, loses his parents and ends up taking his own life

Kyllikki/Kylli∞a beautiful maiden, stolen by Lemminkäinen to be his wife, she agrees to be married to Lemminkäinen but eventually breaks her vows 

Lemminkäinen/Ahti Saarelainen/Kauko∞a warrior, ladies man, quarrelsome, but also a skilled noita, a witch, who has a tight bond with his mother

Lemminkäisen äiti∞mother of Lemminkäinen, a renown healer, who repeatedly tries to stop her son from his often too daring endeavours 

Lokka /Kalevatar∞mother ofIlmarinen

Lyylikki/Kauppi∞a ski maker

Marjatta∞a fair maiden who gets impregnated from eating a lingonberry, gives birth to a son; the boy goes lost but she manages to find him with help from taivaanvalot, lights of the sky

Marjatan poika/Karjalan kuningas∞son of Marjatta, whom Väinämöinen wants to condemn to death, but who then starts to speak of Väinämöinen’s past sins and is then known as the king of Karjala (he is a symbol for Christianity)

Ruotus/Sarajas&Ruotuksen emäntä∞owners of the house from where Marjatta seeks help for her birth (Ruotus is derived from biblical Herodes)

Tiera/Kuura∞“friend” of Lemminkäinen during the war to Pohjola

Untamo/Unto∞brother of Kalervo, who is told to have killed Kalervo and his family, only keeping Kullervo as his slave; he sells KullervotoIlmarinen but eventually ends up being killed by Kullervo

Väinämöinen/Väinö/Suvantolainen∞old wise man, a shaman, who has his part in the creation of the world, makes trips to the realm of the dead, invents the kantele; has poor luck with women, children and stealing the Sampo, but his kantele playing has the ability to charm every being present

Pohjola / Sariola

Louhi/Pohjan akka/Ilpotar∞the ruler of Pohjola, a fierce noita, a witch, she has the power to transform into the eagle Kokko; she has daughters who the men from Kalevala often come to ask for marriage

Märkähattu∞a blind old shepherd, whom Lemminkäinen accuses of incest and bestiality and who then kills Lemminkäinen

Pohjolan tyttäret∞the daughters of Louhi, amount unclear, probably 3

Louhen tytär /Ilmarin emäntä∞daughter of Louhi, wanted among many Kalevalan men, ends up being married to Ilmarinen after he forges the Sampo; she is killed by Kullervo after which Ilmarinen goes to ask for another of Louhi’s daughters to marry

Pohjan neito∞a girl who lived in Pohjola whomVäinämöinentried to lure to be his wife, most likely one of Louhi’s daughters

Pohjolan isäntä∞lord of Pohjola, a skilled spellweaver who ends up getting killed by Lemmnikäinen

Ukko uunin päällä∞a gaffer living in Pohjola who recites the birth words of ale, gives words of advice to a husband-to-be and helps Väinämöinen to cure a wound

Tuonela

Antero Vipunen/Untamo∞a shaman who holds great knowledge and has passed to the realm of the dead

Loviatar∞she gave birth to the worst of diseases

Tuonen akka,ukko&poika∞the lady, lord and son of the realm of the dead who weave a web of iron and cast it to the river of Tuonela to stop Väinämöinen from leaving their lands 

Tuonen tytti/Tuonen neito∞daughter of Tuoni who does laundry by the shores of the river of Tuonela (see also Kiputyttö)

Tuonetar∞the matron of Tuonela

Tuoni∞personified death, ruler of Tuonela

Deities

Aallotar∞a female spirit of water

Ahto/Veden isäntä∞king of waves, ruler of the realm of waters; known as other folklore asAhti

Akka aaltojen alainen∞a female haltija, guardian spirit, of rapids (see also Kosken tyttö)

Akka manteren alainen/Mannun eukko∞goddess of earth; appears in spell-poems

Etelätär/Suvetar∞a female haltija of springtime; appears especially in spells of protecting cattle

Hiisi/Juutas, Juuttaat∞mythical evil being, a synonym for bad things; also meant a place, usually a bad and probably dangerous place

Hiiden hevonen ∞ Hiisi’s horse; appears in spell-poems

Hiiden hirvi ∞ Hiisi’s mythical moose who Lemminkäinen sets to hunt

Hongatar∞goddess spirit

Humala/Remusen poika∞personified hop (humulus lupulus)

Iku-Turso∞a terrifying sea monster who Louhi conjures out of the waves, but whom Väinämöinen speaks over to fall back into the depths

Ilman impi/Ilmatar∞the oldest air spirit, she is the mother ofVäinämöinen

Kaleva/Osmo∞the mythical ancestor of all people of Kalevala

Kalevatar∞helper of creating beer

Kalma/Surma∞personification of death (the act of dying itself, not same as Tuoni)

Katajatar∞goddess spirit

Kave eukko∞mythical nature spirit, appears in spell-poems

Kiputyttö/Kivutar/Vammatar∞appears in healing spell-poems

Kivi-Kimmo,Kammon poika∞guardian spirit of rocks, who Lemminkäinen asks to set aside the foam of water from the way of boatmen

Kosken tyttö/Kuohuneiti/Neiti kosken-korvallinen∞guardian spirit of rapids

Kuuhut∞personified moon

Kuutar/Otavatar/Päivätär/Tähetär∞goddess spirit of fabric weaving and moonlight 

Lempo∞a being(?) associated with Hiisi and other evil things; often used as an insulting word

Luonnottaret∞nature goddesses; three of them gave birth to iron, three gave birth to snakes

Melatar∞a spirit associated with rowing

Metsän piika∞a forest spirit (see also Tapion neiti)

Mielikki/Mimerkki∞matron goddess of forest

Nyyrikki∞son of Tapio, who grants luck in hunting- and herding spells

Osmotar/Kapo kaljojen tekijä∞guardian spirit of ale, gives advice to a bride

Otsonen∞godly figure of forest; appears in bear-hunting spell-poems

Pihlajatar∞goddess spirit

Päivä/Päivyt/Tähti∞personified natural force

Päivän poika∞son of the Sun, releases a spark of fire from the stomach of a pike

Sampsa Pellervoinen∞mythical character; appears in poems about fields, cultivation and cutting down trees

Siniviitta∞a mythical forest spirit, who tells Kullervo in the woods that his family is alive, contrary to what Kullervo had believed (see also Ajattaret)

Sotkottaret∞water maidens of a kind, who inhabit the shores and are filled with awe by the sound of Väinämöinen’s kantele playing

Suonetar∞a goddess spirit; appears in healing (stitching a wound, mending broken bones, surgical operations) poems

Syöjätär∞a spirit who had to do with the birth of snakes 

Tapio∞ruler and god of forest 

Tapion neiti∞a female spirit residing in the forest

Tellervo∞possibly wife to Tapio, goddess spirit of the forest, protector of cattle in forest

Terhenetär/Uutar/Udutar∞guardian spirit of mist and fog

Tuometar∞goddess spirit

Tursas∞a being who rose from the waters to grant the perfect soil for the first oak to grow on

Tuulikki∞daughter of Tapio, goddess spirit of forest

Ukko∞the high god, commander of weather

Veden emäntä/Vellamo∞goddess of water

Veen emonen ∞ Ilmatar after she descended from the skies and laid on the water

Cows

What? You’re not into cows? Well too bad, I’m listing them anyway!

Hermikki ∞ Ilmarinen’s cow

Kimmo ∞ a cow

Kyyttä ∞ Ilmarinen’s cow

Mairikki ∞ Ilmarinen’s cow

Mansikkinen ∞ Lemminkäinen’s cow

Muurikki ∞ a cow

Muurikkinen ∞ Lemminkäinen’s cow

Omena ∞ Ilmarinen’s cow

Pienikki ∞ Ilmarinen’s cow

Puolukka ∞ Lemminkäinen’s cow

Tuorikki ∞ Ilmarinen’s cow

Because I’m that old person who still relies on books rather than on the internet. And also because the internet is a very controversial source for good research and I only want to serve you guys the best information on this blog. So here’s a list of all the books I’ve read on Finnish mythology with a bit of my thoughts on each. I’ll keep updating this as I read new books!

I also have a book blog where I elaborate more deeply on these (and other) books -> it’s over here!

• Anna-Leena Siikala – Suomalainen šamanismi(1992)
• an extremely interesting look into the shamanic side of the ancient Finnish religion
• the research feels very new and refreshing
• quotes other researchers a lotand due to that is a bit unoriginal at times
  
  
• Iivar Kemppinen – Johdatus muinaissuomalaiseen mytologiaan(1957)
  
  
• Iivar Kemppinen – Suomalainen mytologia(1960)
  
  
• Juha Pentikäinen – Kalevalan mytologia(1987)
  
  
• Kristfrid Ganander – Mythologia Fennica(1789)
• set the base for the study of Finnish mythology back in its day
  
• gives a counterpart to many characters from other mythologies for example Ahti - Neptune, even though it’s not so easy to join them as one and the same character
• is a captive of it’s time; many of the characters are made up by Ganander himself due to misconceptions of the original poems
• out of the 430 words in the encyclopedia, over 30 are sámi words and therefore not to be mixed up with Finnish mythology. 40 words are historical events, 43 are just Finnish place-names and 8 are names of Finnish land-owners and such
  
  
• M.A. Castrén – Luentoja suomalaisesta mytologiasta (1853)
  
• it’s quite outdated and controversial since Castrén mostly based his theories on the poems of Kalevala and Kalevala is not to be seen as a basics book on Finnish myths
• gives wide comparisons to other similar folklore, sometimes it feels even too much, like comparisons were only used to gain more pages because there simply isn’t enough to write about Finnish mythology
• serves good etymology as well witch comparisons to Lönnrot and others’ etymologies as well
  
  
• Matti Hako (publisher) – Kansanomainen lääkintätietous(2017)
• a wonderful dive into the world of sickness and healing in days gone by
  
  
• Pertti Anttonen & Matti Kuusi – Kalevala-lipas(1999)
• paints a brilliant overall picture about the Finnish national epic, gives information about the poem structure, Lönnrot, other epics around the world, art inspired by Kalevala… this book has it all
  
  
• Risto Pulkkinen & Stina Lindfors – Suomalaisen kansanuskon sanakirja (2016)
• gathers together the essentials of Finnish mythology and folklore, also giving insight into the beliefs of the sami-people, makign a good distinction between the two (does the same when it comes to Karelian mythology)
• does not present Kalevala as Finnish
  
  
• Salakirjat publishing – Hämeen Kansan Vanhat Loitsut(1916)
  
• a bit of a bother to actually read through, seeing that it holds about 4000 poems in it, but it’s worth it once you’re through
• extremely good for someone who wants to do more thorough research and actually read through the poems
  
  
• Suomalaisen kirjallisuuden seura – Kansanomainen lääkintätietous(1975)

One of the shaman’s most important tasks was to act as a healer for those who had been struck with disease or pain. Not always necessarily a shaman had to act as a healer, village communities might’ve also had their own addressed healers who knew the ways of healing. There are more records of these designated healers having been female than male, but this remains debatable.

During the days past, Finns recognised two causes for disease. There were the godly diseases, jumalantaudit,believed to be of godly origin and therefore incurable or at least so difficult to heal that it would’ve been almost impossible. Jumalantaudit included ailments such as epidemics and sickness that came naturally with old age. The second disease category, so called panentataudit,included ailments like muscle pain, burning sensations, colic and spasms.

Panentataudit were believed to have been caused by kateet, jealousy. Back all those years ago it was common belief, no, not only belief but common knowledge, that the amount of happiness and luck was constant. This might be a hard concept to gasp, for now we know that that isn’t true. But back then it was clear that there was a certain given amount of good fortune and if one desired it, they had to steal it for themselves (if they didn’t otherwise have it.) And what this means is that people were jealous of others and their happiness, and this jealousy made them befall disease on others. Sickness could fall on someone if they had been given the “bad eye”, paha silmä, or if they had been cursed by witches. A witch’s curse was called pusku, it was a curse spat to the air with teeth gritting. In both cases the cause itself was born out of jealousy, kateet. Jealousy in a small village community had the framework for growing to a collective level and this way jealousy was able to inflict sickness and disease on anyone. Look at it like mass hysteria in a way.

The view that people had about the amount of good fortune being constant can also be clearly seen from and old phrase: “Ei köyhä rikastu ellei rikas köyhdy”, the poor doesn’t become rich if the rich doesn’t become poor. Another point worth wondering is one that we can find from the Kalevala, specifically the stealing of Sampo. Why did Väinämöinen set to steal the Sampo from Pohjola? Why didn’t Ilmarinen just forge another Sampo for the people of Kaleva? So that both of the realms could prosper and be wealthy without the other being robbed of their good fortune? I’ll just leave that out there for you to chew on, but it’s a fascinating question, isn’t it?

Now then, as I already mentioned in my post Sauna as a place of healing, the most important part of healing was to find out the origin and cause of the disease. If the patient had burn wounds, it was necessary to know how the fire that caused those wounds had started. If the patient had been cut with a blade, where was the blade from and who did it belong to. If the patient had been in an accident, where did the accident occur and what natural object had caused the injuries. On top of gaining this knowledge of the origin of the injuries, the healer would also use synnyt, birth words, for most healing.

Thesynnyt existed for almost all things know to people, they were the words of origin to elements, animals, plants and objects. For example if a patient had been struck with a steel blade by their neighbour in a fight, the healer would most likely use the synnyt, birth words, of steel along with verenseisautus, blood stanching words. The birth words were believed to hold immense power in them and were among the most important ones to know and remember.

People believed that diseases such as tooth aches, colic and goitre then again were actual living beings that existed inside the patient in a way. These diseases the healer would tell to go home to their mothers and fathers, they were chastened and upbraided. The act of talking to the causer of disease was manaus, exorcism. This included the birth words, synnyt, being recited to the causer. Afterwards would come the healing spell itself, which usually included little embedded tips for further self-care and/or blessings to grant the effectiveness of the cure provided by the healer (ointment, potion..)

For some diseases the healer would ask help from certain healing spirits, and the diseases (considered to be living beings, but without homes and parents, and also seen as worse than those with homes) were ushered to nasty places, most often to the cold Lapland, where it was believed that only bad things existed. Such diseases were for example constipation, scabies and frostbite.

If we take a look at characters like Loviatar, who according to folklore gave birth to plagues, it makes sense that diseases were talked to as living beings and were told to go back to their parents. Loviatar was a parent in that sense. It is also to be noted that many characters get mixed up in folklore, therefore Loviatartoo was known as MammotarandSyöjätär as well and it’s very hard to go and prove whether the three were actually just one being or if they were indeed three separate beings. Go and tell.

Bonus: words of the presser/nightmare, Painajan sanat, from the Häme region

Pane maate mantereelle
pyhän pellon piantareelle
Säkki alla, säkki päällä
puntari peräsi päällä
jolla painan painajata
ja hirtän hiirikkahevosta

(Go lay on ground / on the holy field / Sack under, sack on top / steelyard on your behind / with which I press the presser / suffocate the blue dun horse)

You’ve probably heard about how the Finns love and respect their sauna, a hot room where one can sweat off bad spirits. If so, you might have also heard that the sauna has been around for Finns for a long, long time and it has served as an important part of everyone’s life. You might also know that many healing traits and properties have always been associated with the sauna, and it has been so since, well, for as long as we’ve had saunas.

There were two haltias, spirits, associated with the sauna, Auteretar/Anterettoin, she was the feminine spirit of sauna who guarded wounds from the heat and kept them from getting infected. The spirit of the steam of sauna was in turn Auterinen, referred to as having been “made” by Auteretar, which could mean that he might have been Auteretar’s son. It’s only natural that a place such as the sauna, which was used not only for cleaning oneself but for healing the sick and wounded and also served as a common place for childbirth, had it’s own guarding spirits.

There was a fear of wounds getting infected by the hot air, but the pagan Finn didn’t know of a better place for healing than the sauna, which was to them a place of holiness of a kind, where the spirits were closer than elsewhere. This feeling could very well be explained scientifically; the warmth of the sauna affects the body and causes one to feel dizzy, which was usually one of the “symptoms” of the state of “being in one’s spirits” = olla haltioissa (a state the shamans would strive to reach when trying to connect with the higher powers.) The heated stones used to warm the sauna have been debated to be the remnants of pagan sacrificial stones and the act of throwing water on the rocks to symbolise sacrificing to the natural deities. This to me seems unlikely, but I wouldn’t go straight to debunking the idea either. Therefore, whether or not the Finnish sauna is indeed a relic of pagan sacrificial grounds will remain unsolved.

The ritualistic healing in a sauna was usually conducted under the cover of night. Some researchers have said that this was because the affect of day-time was considered to weaken the power of the ritualistic healing, but this is not entirely true; during the daytime Finns would’ve turned to Päivätär for assistance in healing rather than to the spirits of the sauna. There must have been variations to the healing rituals that took place in the sauna, but I will now take you through one of those variations, step by step, so you too can try and properly heal in the sauna. (I would, however, advise to go to a hospital or at least to a doctor in cases where skin has discoloured or ones guts are spilling out.)

1. The hinges of the sauna’s door are oiled. This further increases the stealth mode the nighttime is already granting.
   
   
2. The shaman/healer steps into the sauna with their patient and chants the following:
   
   Terve löyly, terve lämmin, terve tervehtijällenki!
   (Greetings steam, greetings warmth, greetings to the greeter as well!)
   
   
3. After the patient has been laid down, the healer takes their medicinal herbs and tools from their pouch so that they are easily accessible.
   
   
4. The healer sticks an arrow to the floor of the sauna as a sign of being well prepared for the following healing and even against the bad spirits who might try and stop the spells from working and therefore from healing the patient.
   
   
5. The healer sweeps the floor, ceiling and benches of the sauna with their bath wisk, vihta, this is done in order to properly cleanse the sauna before starting the healing itself. The vihtahas to be a special one, its branches gathered from unnamed meadows or otherwise secret places. It’s also good to strand in some healing herbs and plants.
   
   
6. Now it’s time for the healer to “go into one’s spirits”, mennä haltioihin. This is done by reciting the words of steam, löylyn sanat.
   
   
   Löyly poika Auterinen
   Auterettaren tekemä
   Hiki wanhan Wäinämöisen
   Herran hengestä hyvästä
   (Steam, son Auterinen / made by Auteretar / sweat of old Wäinämöinen / of lord’s good spirit)
   
   
   
7. The purpose of this is for the patient to also have trust in the healer, so it is endorsed that the healer greatly praises their own power, väki, and so makes the patient more trusting that they shall be healed. (Note: the healer can also recite different words, for example the words of water or of the bath wisk.)
   
   
8. After these words of encouragement, the healer says a prayer to AuteretarandAuterinen and requests for their help in the following healing process.
   
   
9. Here comes the hardest part. The healer must now figure out the source of the sickness and conjure it out of the patient.
   

The ancient Finns were not wrong in their belief that the sauna held immense healing abilities, in the modern times it has been proven that bathing in the sauna indeed reduces the risk of cardiovascular diseases and hence is good for one’s health. It’s also easy to imagine how wonderful and magical the sauna felt during the cold winters, warm and protective, like a mother’s embrace.

Question of the week

which of the following statements is false?

a) vulgar language was not used in sauna since it could upset the spirits
b) it was believed that Wäinämöinen’s sweat had healing abilities
c) the sauna was used for sacrificial rituals as well as healing

answer:hereortweet me!

So it happened one time in Jyväskylä, that a capercaillie flew to sit at the rooftop of a church and in no time, the priest of the church died suddenly. The next year died another priest, and soon enough the whole church burned down.

Omens have always played a big part in people’s lives, be they good or bad. Dog days (fin. mätäkuu, literally rot-moon) are still considered an ill time to perform any surgeries and if one gets a cut during the period it’s clear that the wound will take longer to heal. Old habits die hard?

So here’s a deep dive into omens and premonitions in Finnish folklore. Enjoy!

Martaat – animals as death omens

“Häviöksi pyy talossa, metsot miesten kuolemaksi”
(A loss in a home is a hazel hen, a capercaillie the death of men.)

Marras was usually a wild animal or game behaving out of the ordinary; passing through someone’s yard or trying to come into a house. The line between one’s home and the wilderness was a very distinctive one and once it was broken, it was certain that something bad was about to occur.

If one was out fishing and a fish then just jumped to the boat, it was definitely a marras, since life wasn’t supposed to be easy and good things that come without having to work for them can only be bad omens.

Here are some examples of martaat:

• redstart&nightjar: news of someone’s death would soon be heard
• wild animal on the yard: news of someone’s death would be heard
• wild animal in the house: death in the household
• death of a horse: the man of the house would die soon after
• death of a cow: the matron of the house would die soon after
• chicken running off to the woods: someone of the household would die
• forest grouse on the yard: someone of the household would die
• black grouse on the roof: a very bad omen, disease or death in the household
• woodpecker pecking the walls: very bad, disease or death in the household
• a bird flying into the house: definite death for someone in the household
• a bird flying to the window: if it dies, death, if it suffers, disease
• a mouse eating someone’s clothes: the owner of the clothing would die
• bugsorrodents appearing in the house: certainly death in the household
• hadrobregmus pertinax: also known as the deathwatch beetle, makes a sound like a ticking clock, which meant death for someone in the household
• hearingan owl: drowning

In fact, most birds were seen as bad omens or bringers of death rather than as good omens. All black birds, ravens and crows, were always death omens. It was also commonly believed that everyone had a sort of a soul-bird, sielulintu, that would come in to the house to take away the spirit of the dying person. Some might also see the sielulintu as the manifestation of the dying person’s free soul (fin. vapaasielu), which is already passing on to the next world, even though the body is not yet dead. This ties in with the three soul -concept, where one can lose their soul in more than one way.

Death omens

The gathering of kalmanväki (folk of death, the dead) around someone was a certain sign of death. Kalmanväki were the anonymous dead, those who had been deceased for so long that all signs of their living selves were gone and they were now a part of this bigger whole, kalmanväki. Other names for kalmanväki were keijukaiset (fairies) and menninkäiset (pixies.) They brought with them the reek of corpses and rot, they could manifest as vague spirits or f.ex as a swarm of flies.

During the turning points of the seasons, when the world of the living and the world beyond were closest to each other, one might easily spot death omens. If one went out during Christmas night and walked counterclockwise around the house three times and then looked inside, the people to die before next Christmas would look headless.

Bird omens

“Kuu kiurusta kesään, puoli kuuta peipposesta, västäräkistä vähäsen, pääskysestä ei päivääkään”
(One moon to summer from a lark, half a moon from a finch, a little still from a wagtail, zero from a swallow.)

Birds were seen as bringers of omens most likely due to their ability to fly and travel “unseen” to the world beyond. Birds could be seen as manifestations of dead loved ones, their acting and singing could be interpreted to bring about good or bad luck, a birth or a death.

A wagtail was a sign of good luck or upcoming fortune, a raven or a crow bringing an object to one’s house would also bring good luck. A starling stood as a sign for a fire, after seeing it one had to wash their eyes to shake away the effect. A redstart flying under a cow’s belly would turn the milk into blood. (To undo this, the bird would need to fly the same path in reverse.)

It was also very typical to think that seeing a bird on a certain time of day would ruin the rest of it, so birdwatching was not a common hobby. A magpie in the morning would bring about disease or illness, to hear migratory birds (swallow, lark, crane, cuckoo) singing in the spring morning before eating anything would ruin the whole summer for the one who heard the song. This ruin would stick to the person and then spread around with them. If they were to sow a field it would dry and bear no crop. They might also lose all luck in love. The most problematic thing about being ruined by a bad bird omen was that it could only be removed by seeing a good bird omen (and remember, there weren’t many.)

A way to protect oneself from the effects of these bad omens was to throw a somersault so that your back touched the ground or to bite on an alder tree, which was thought to be one of the most powerful trees due to it’s bloodlike colouring. The best way to spare oneself of the ill effect of bird omens was simply to eat the first thing in the morning. Breakfast is important!

Migratory birds were an important factor in foretelling. Following the migration was a good way to measure the seasons, and the weather the birds brought along would tell of the coming harvest season.

Other omens

• Huunpurema, huu: a bruise that appears for no apparent reason, meant someone close to you would die
• spider: luck with sheep herding would end if one killed a spider, otherwise just seeing a spider meant good luck
• arguing while fishing: no luck in fishing, this effect might stretch on for a whole generation
• a cat rubbing it’s eyes: female guests were to be expected
• a cat licking it’s butt: male guests were to be expected
• a cat gazing out a window: a storm was coming
• a dog howling in the direction of a house: someone in the house would die
• a dog howling towards the sky: a fire would come
• a strand of hay in a pig’s mouth: bad weather
• dropping a bread buttered side down: guests were coming
• cuttingbread so that it crumbles: an argument was arising
• finding a sixorfour leaf clover: good luck, better keep that safe, or eat it in order to gain it’s power
• finding a five leaf clover: oh dear, bad luck
• wearing a piece of clothing the wrong way around: good luck
• snatching a strand of hay from a woodpecker’s nest: congratulations, you are now a master of picking locks and can break and enter anywhere!

What sort of omens do you know of? I would very much like to hear them! Also do tell me if you think I have missed something here. Beware of bad omens!

Questions?

You know the picture, dark silhouettes of people dancing frantically around a flaming red bonfire. Bare feet, love potions, sauna, odd rituals, a night that never comes, a sun that doesn’t set. You know the picture.

Even to this day Juhannus (’Midsummer’) has a special meaning to Finns. It’s completely normal to go ask your boss if you can leave the office a little early today since it’s Juhannus and you’re supposed to go to your cottage. (That is, if your boss hasn’t already left for the exact same reason.)

We burn our bonfires, we gather seven flowers, hop over seven fences and sleep with the tiny bouquet under our pillows in order to get a glimpse of our future lover in our dreams. But where do these old habits come from? What is Juhannus at it’s core? Well gather around the candle children, for I will do my best to unravel it.

The origin

As in many other European cultures, Juhannus is a celebration of fertility and light. During the pre-Christian times, this celebration was held in the name of the god Ukko. When Christianity started to gain hold the celebration got to carry the name of John the Baptist (fin. Johannes) since his birthday was supposedly celebrated around the same time. The old name, Ukon juhla (celebration of Ukko) held on in southern Karelia until the late 1800′s. In some dialects Juhannus is called mittumaari, mettumaari & messumaari.

The events

Certainly the most well known tradition associated with Juhannus is the bonfires. This originated from Karelia and was absorbed into the celebrations held across the country during the 1900′s. So this is in fact a fairly new part of the festivities. The bonfires are mostly associated with the cleansing of bad spirits and bringing about good fortune, good crops and healthy cattle.

Bathing in the sauna was done early in the day, so as to be clean and ready to take on the nightless night when the time came. The sauna and the house would be adorned with green leaved trees, most commonly birch and/or aspen. Young birch trees would be cut down and placed on either side of the main door and to frame windows. A thorough cleaning of the house was also considered an important tradition, as usual during the turning of seasons. The clean floors would then be covered with the leaves of rowan, aspen and bird cherry.

In parts of Ostrobothnia people set up a spruce tree on the yard (sort of like a Christmas tree, but trimming away all branches except for the very top, leaving a hat of sorts.) This tree then stood on the yard until kekri, harvest time. Whereas birches would be taken down quite soon after Juhannus was celebrated.

The magic

As is with so many other seasonal turning points, Juhannus was also seen as a time when the borders of the spirit world and our world thinned, and therefore it was a brilliant time for magical purposes. Love related magic was not only very popular but also easy for everyone to do. Juhannus was the time when one could catch a glimpse of their future, be it good harvest or a new lover.

The dew that covered the fields on Juhannus was seen as the very power of the crops and thus it held immense power. One would collect it from their own fields, store it and give it to the cattle when autumn came in order to strengthen the cattle with the force of summer before winter. The dew was also used to cure various common illnesses, either by drinking it or sprinkling it on the skin.

As concluded in my text about healing, people believed that the amount of good fortune was fixed, and therefore one could perform dark magic on the night of Juhannus and snatch away another’s good fortune by collecting the dew from their field and sprinkling it on their own. This way their crops would flourish as the other’s would shrivel and die.

The dew also provided help in powerful love spells. After a maiden who desired to be wed returned from watching a bonfire (or right after bathing in the sauna) she would roll naked in the fields belonging to a house where a desired partner lived. The powerful dew would then stick to the maiden’s skin, and furthermore, when the men of the house would later in the year eat the bread of the crops, the lust and desire would then get a hold of them as well. And they would then live happily ever after.

Here’s a little list of easy midsummer magic for seeing your future partner:

• place a four leaved clover under your pillow for the night
  
• place a wreath tied with nine strands of hay under your pillow for the night
  
• look into a well, naked, at midnight
  
• listen to the cuckoo singing in the night, each sound is one year until you will meet your lover
  
• walk around a triangle shaped field thrice, naked, and on the third time you will meet your lover
  
• the smoke from the bonfire blows towards the one to be wed soon
  
• if logs stood up after the bonfire burned low, there would be as many spinsters as there were logs standing up
  
• walking backwards towards a pile of logs after sauna would determine the kind of lover you would get, if your butt hit a log that was split in half your lover would be taken or married already, but if it was still whole your lover was single and would be your entirely

The myth

Aarni, the guardian deity of treasure, cleaned his treasure during the night of Juhannus. He would burn away the mildew and rust on his coins and jewels, creating a magical flame with a blue hue. This rare flame was called aarnivalkea (cf. wisp) and by following this blue light one might stumble upon a fortune.

One could increase their chances of spotting such a blue flame by looking for it through a ring shaped object; better still if the ring was formed naturally, such as a twig that had formed into the shape of a ring as it grew. A skull worked also, but it had to be fetched from the cemetery on a midsummer’s night. The best place to look for an aarnivalkea would be from high up a tree or at the crossroads where three roads met.

The journey to the treasure of Aarni was a perilous one during which one would meet all sorts of horrors from the world beyond, one of them being a mythical ox. If one was brave enough to hold the ox by it’s horns they might wake in the morning to see that they were holding a pot of treasure instead.

Pteridium aquilinum, bracken (fin. sananjalka, saniainen), was believed to bloom only on the night of Juhannus. It was believed that it used to be a beautifully blooming plant until someone had wiped her ass with the leaf of a bracken, and the poor plant was so ashamed of this that it only dared to bloom in the midst of midsummer’s night.

If one was lucky enough to see this mythical blooming they might also be able to snatch the seed of the bracken, which was believed to grant one magical powers, such as the ability to turn invisible. Another magical trick was to cut the bracken close to it’s root at a slant and then look at the black dots appearing on the surface. These would form the initials of, you guessed it, one’s future lover.

Getting drunk and being noisy during Juhannus was believed to bring about a good harvest and good fortune as well as banish bad spirits. So in honour of these ancient traditions, that is exactly what I plan to do this Juhannus, drink responsibly and make some noise to keep away the forces of evil.

Questions?

positive-stars:

Let yourself be a beginner. Start something new that interests you, even if you don’t know where it will lead to. Make mistakes. It doesn’t matter how you do it, at least start.

You’re too damn quiet sometimes.

Welcum to all the new fappers! If you are under 18 or 21, depending on legal age, you need not unpack. Please unfollow and do not reblog.

Thanks to all for your support!

For those who haven’t figured it out, this isn’t my only blog. My original blog is being maintained again. It’s a little different. I’m not quite sure the direction of it yet. One thing for certain is that this blog will remain as I currently have it, pleasantly arousing, or at least that’s my intent. The trouble is that the other blog is pretty hot too and is starting to grow.
Anyway, hptals.tumblr.com is the blog. My alias is Petals. (There are themes to my blogs and aliases. Each alias has a special meaning.)

I did not want anyone to think I was trying to be shady by having multiple identities. I am not a dishonest or deceiving person.

Licks to the dicks, and kisses to the misses!

Angel

This is the shit that crosses my mind!!

Especially when I see all you fappers!!

Hahaha! I love you fuckers! Welcum to all you newcummers, too. Wow. So happy to have you and thanks for the support. Check out the archives. I got myself all worked up trying to find something in there last night! Dayumm!!

Licks to the dicks and kisses to the misses!

Under 18? Unfollow and scram!

Always
Angel

hptals:

Take your best shot people. I’m crazy bored. Packed in this car to where I can’t move an inch to even squirm for pleasure.

Send me your best erotic story. Your kinkiest ‘I want to….’ scenes with me or with you or with us or with a group . Take your best shots. I might surprise you back with something special!

Maybe the best ones can be posted if the author wants that. Otherwise, MINE ALL MINE.

Let’s go, I’ve got 12 hours. Literally, all damn day and already horny as hell.

This is your chance to get a rise out of me in return for months of raising yours.

mydarkangel2pls

Angel
❤️

Música recomendada: Hypnosis - Benjamin Martins ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fxiV43psgI )

A mentira mais bem contada para nós, peregrinos, é a de que você eventualmente se acostuma com a solidão. Mas como é possível me acostumar com esse aperto no peito, com essa certeza de que nada nessa vida é eterno, nem a grama em que caminho, nem as pessoas que passam por mim, apenas a minha jornada e essa impiedosa solidão?

Eu fecho meus olhos e vejo minha vida como se fosse um livro. Eu leio meus capítulos e revivo cada momento em que passei com meus amados, do amor e do carinho que recebi deles aos dias em que chegava em casa e abraçava o meu radiante jardim de girassóis. Quando você se dá conta da sua solidão, isso te faz querer desistir de tudo, te faz querer voltar para sua casa, para seus amigos, para sua família… Só nem sempre isso possível. Com cuidado, eu fecho meu livro e o aperto contra o meu peito em um abraço de pura ternura e saudade.

Quando a dor da solidão não me permite dormir, eu tento olhar para as estrelas em busca de paz. O céu noturno me trás lembranças, lembranças de quando eu ainda contava os infinitos pontos brilhantes acima de mim em vez de prestar atenção nos espaços vazios entre eles. Cansado de segurar minhas lágrimas, eu permito que elas desçam pelo meu rosto na esperança de que esses brilhos estelares me emprestem um pouco da sua luz para acalentar o meu vazio.

Eu olho para as estrelas na esperança de que eu não seja o único sofrendo na quietude da noite.


The Everlasting Pilgrim


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Olhos castanhos

Já é tarde da madrugada, o dia está quase amanhecendo e nós dois ainda estamos acordados.

Sentados um de frente para o outro, conversamos sobre tudo o que se possa imaginar. De discussões sobre a vida e o destino até alguns fatos curiosos sobre nós mesmos, tudo é muito fácil de se falar e de se escutar. Eu fico feliz todas as vezes em que compartilho algum pensamento íntimo sobre a vida, você sempre me responde com um sorriso, tão simples e tão carinhoso. Seus olhos sempre brilham quando isso acontece, e eu adoro poder ver isso de perto.

Eu me distraio enquanto você fala, algo no seu olhar me prende a atenção. Acabo ficando em silêncio por alguns segundos, observando, ou melhor, admirando o que vejo. É como se houvesse um mundo inteiro lá dentro, um mundo repleto de mistérios e de magia que só pode ser visto quando ele quiser que você o veja.

Você sorri, possivelmente curiosa do motivo de eu estar te encarando tanto, e decide fazer o mesmo comigo. Nossos olhares se conectam e, como num passe de mágica, tudo em volta de nós deixa de ter importância. Tudo o que existe agora é o seu universo castanho.

Você aproxima o seu rosto ao meu, talvez até sem perceber, e um calor muito aconchegante inunda o meu peito. Passamos mais alguns segundos no completo silêncio, admirando o mundo um do outro.

Eu sinto meu rosto avermelhado e meu coração pulsando rápido. Com vergonha, eu me viro e dou uma risada sem graça. Você faz o mesmo. Eu tento disfarçar como estou, mas minha respiração está engraçada e minhas mãos estão tremendo. Minha voz falha quando tento dizer algo e é difícil me concentrar na nossa conversa.

Eu só consigo pensar em como eu gostaria de me perder nos seus olhos castanhos.

OrenZ

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Música recomendada: Final Fantasy XV Episode Ardyn - Somnus Boss

Este é o fim. 

A tempestade final se aproxima e nada será capaz de deter o destino que nós mesmos construímos. Do topo de um prédio eu aprecio os últimos momentos do mundo em ruínas. E tenho que admitir, eu nunca pensei que o apocalipse seria tão… bonito.

Nos escombros das construções destruídas pelo caos, milhares de penas brancas caem por todos os lado. Elas planam graciosamente até o chão, cobrindo o que foi uma vez as ruas e avenidas de uma grande cidade. As pessoas saem de seus esconderijos impressionadas com esse estranho fenômeno. Ao olhar para cima, seus olhos enchem de lágrimas e seus corações transbordam de esperança ao presenciarem mais de mil anjos sobrevoando os céus da falecida capital.

Todos os seres angelicais se posicionam em um semicírculo, frente a um único líder. Todos fazem silêncio para observá-los, até os ventos cessam para prestarem atenção. Com um movimento suave de suas mãos, o Anjo Maestro comanda que a sinfonia se inicie. Uma melodia serena e levemente melancólica inicia o grande concerto final. Por um pequeno instante, todos puderam sentir a paz de se estar no próprio paraíso. 

A sinfonia harmoniza em um som baixo, um suspense de uma paz-armada. Um medo súbito toma o coração de todos que assistiam o espetáculo. Suas bocas se secam e os olhares se esvaziam. Naquele momento nós percebemos: nossos guardiões não vieram nos salvar. Não, não… depois de tudo o que fizemos, como pudemos sequer ousar pensar em redenção? Não, muito pelo contrário, nossos anjos vieram para anunciar o belíssimo fim da nossa existência. 

Ao levantar de suas asas, toda a música se intensifica. Os ventos voltam a soprar com fervor e o Maestro Angelical parece se divertir com o medo alheio desses pequenos seres.  Eles correm e correm, até que estejam fugindo o mais rápido que suas pernas permitem. Com um movimento abrupto e preciso, o Maestro comanda que toda a legião inicie a sua mais forte e sombria sinfonia. 

Raios, trovões, tempestades e furacões. O Anjo do Apocalipse sorri em um prazer perverso enquanto cada movimento de seus braços ordena um novo desastre natural. Tremores, terremotos, explosões e erupções. O seu bater de asas ecoa por todos os cantos do mundo lembrando toda a raiva que o próprio planeta guardou de nós. Gritos e mais gritos humanos se mesclam com os milhares de instrumentos musicais, transformando-se na última parte dessa vil sinfonia angelical.

O Maestro Apocalíptico ordena que apenas alguns instrumentos de corda em conjunto do coral angélico continue tocando, tudo para que ele aprecie e saboreie o sumo desespero da humanidade. Suas asas e seus braços se estendem de canto a canto em puro êxtase enquanto um brilho luminescente o ilumina. Do topo do prédio eu posso ver, posso ver uma única lágrima escorrendo de seu rosto e sua expressão totalmente vil e orgástica. 

A sinfonia chega ao seu clímax e todos os milhares de anjos reproduzem a mais perfeita e mais bela harmonia de todas. Como é lindo, como é lindo o fim do mundo! Mesmo com tudo o que fizemos, mesmo com todos os nossos pecados acumulados, somos agraciados com o mais divino dos espetáculos, o mais incrível, o mais emocionante de todos! Ah, que momento perfeito! Se eu puder voar, me tornarei um anjo também! 

Na ponta do edifício, eu fecho meus olhos e estendo meus braços como fez o Anjo do Apocalipse. Um enorme furacão começa a se formar ao meu redor. Nunca senti tamanha emoção, nunca senti tanto prazer em estar vivo! Eu deixo meu corpo cair para trás e ser levado. Estou voando! Sim, sim! Estou voando! 

O Anjo da Morte sorri para mim. E eu sorrio de volta.

Ah, como é belo o fim do mundo!



OrenZ

*

Música recomendada: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3hTW9e20d8

Meu corpo está inerte, sinto como se estivesse flutuando nas profundezas da escuridão. Eu sei que preciso continuar em frente, mas estou tão cansado… Minha mente deriva em sonhos fragmentados e pedaços de lembranças. Abro meus olhos e percebo que ainda flutuando nessa escuridão, meu corpo ainda sem forças. Eu volto a dormir, na esperança de que, pelo menos nos sonhos, as coisas possam ser diferentes.

Quanto tempo se passou desde fiquei preso aqui? Doze horas? Três dias? Seis meses? Não tenho certeza, só sei que a solidão me diz “olá” no instante em que abro meus olhos, enquanto a culpa me diz “bons sonhos” no momento em que decido fugir para o mundo do sonhar. Não importa o quanto eu durma, não há descanso neste ciclo depressivo. Eu tento escapar, mas meu corpo não consegue se mexer, apenas flutuar nessa escuridão.

Eu começo a aceitar esse destino, um no qual a minha não-existência pode ser a chave para impedir novos arrependimentos e decepções. Uma nova silhueta aparece ao meu lado. Sua presença é familiar e levemente incandescente, mas é difícil ver seu rosto… Quem é você? Seu corpo produz um brilho fraco, seu cabelo lembra uma brasa próxima do fim. Seu rosto está voltado para longe, mas seus olhos estão vendados. Eu não compreendo, o que é você? Memórias passadas inundam minha mente. Memórias de um eu impulsivo, explosivo, imprevisível, memórias agressivas, em vultos, onde minha cólera atinge principalmente aqueles que tentam me ajudar. Um sentimento de revolta começa a tomar conta de mim. Eu sei quem é você. 

Ela volta seu rosto em direção ao meu. Você, que feriu várias e várias vezes as pessoas que eu amava. Você, que queimou a mão daqueles que se dispuseram a me ajudar. Você, que é indomável, incontrolável, impaciente e incapaz de enxergar qualquer coisa além da sua própria fúria, que nada além de culpa surge depois que você se mostra! O que você quer?! 

Ela estende sua mão até mim, como se quisesse me ajudar. Eu, que aprendi a te reprimir, que te rejeito com todas as minhas forças, acha mesmo que posso confiar em você?! Se não fosse sua imprudência, se não fosse sua cegueira, nada disso teria acontecido! 

Minha Raiva continua olhando para mim. Ela espera que eu tome uma decisão, recusar essa parte de mim e esperar que um milagre me salve, ou aceitá-la finalmente e usar sua força para sair daqui. 

Suas chamas aproximam-se de meu corpo e o calor de sua fúria me lembra da sensação de estar vivo. O brilho de seu corpo se intensifica, as brasas semi-extintas transformam-se em labaredas vivas e uma determinação ardente começa a invadir meu peito. Existe algo na energia da Ira capaz de me impulsionar de volta para a vida. Minha missão ainda não acabou, meus sonhos ainda não se foram. Eu quero continuar vivo!

Meu braço agarra sua mão flamejante com todas as minhas forças e seus olhos acendem como chamas de um incêndio. A venda que ofuscava sua visão é incinerada e uma explosão incandescente de fúria e ira se estende por toda a escuridão, exatamente como um vulcão entrando em erupção.

Meus olhos se abrem mais uma vez percebo que ainda estou no chão da floresta. Fogo encontra-se ao meu redor, como se estivesse aquecendo o meu espírito novamente. Eu cerro meus punhos e permito que o calor da ira se estenda por todo meu corpo. Levante-se. Um de meus joelhos se ergue e eu me apoio nele, como se eu reverenciasse minha própria fúria. Levante-se. Meus sentidos estão embaçados, fumaça quente sai de minha boca enquanto meu coração mais forte e mais rápido que qualquer surto de adrenalina. Levante-se! Meu corpo finalmente se ergue. Um grito feroz deixa meus pulmões e atinge toda a floresta ao redor. Eu ainda estou vivo.

Eu dou um passo à frente e o impacto do meu pé parece um estrondo. Outro passo, outro estrondo, a floresta inteira parece estremecer nessa batalha. Minhas mãos encostam em algumas as árvores pelo caminho, geladas, mortas, e todas se incineram com o calor da minha fúria. Estou ofegante, mas o ar que sai de minha boca é determinado. O fogo logo atinge toda a floresta, causando um incêndio capaz de quebra qualquer silêncio ou escuridão. Cada passo que dou é mais rápido, mais veloz, mais furioso. A saída está logo alí. Corra, lute, grite! Não há passado sem o presente, não há futuro se não houver o agora! Ignore todo o resto, use minha fúria e ignore todo o resto! 

Sobreviva, sobreviva, sobreviva!

OrenZ, the Pilgrim

.

Música recomendada: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Spw1jQV4qI

Um vento gentil assopra enquanto as últimas folhas de outono caem. Uma a uma, as milhões de folhas secas preenchem o solo, cobrindo toda a extensão da floresta com várias camadas de folhas, acolchoando as pisadas cansadas de meus pés. Eu tiro alguns segundos para respirar mas um choro inevitável me impede de sentir o frescor da mata.

Eu olhei para dentro da floresta e o que vi foi um reflexo de mim: árvores secas, galhos sem folhas, uma floresta preenchida pelo vazio. Uma melancolia suavemente agressiva impregna meus pensamentos, fazendo vultos do meu passado se manifestarem em minha mente, mais numerosos a cada folha que se desprende de sua origem. Uma solidão implacável me atinge, pois me lembra como esse sentimento incurável é o meu pior e mais eterno companheiro de jornada.

Em meio ao transe imobilizante, forças invisíveis me puxam e empurram para dentro da floresta. É escuro, é excessivamente escuro. Esse lugar não respeita as regras do nascer ou do despontar do Sol, pois o vazio acumulado nas árvores impede que qualquer luz de fora entre. O silêncio também é absoluto e um frio sinistro corre na minha espinha, agora que não tenho mais distrações do som ou da visão, os vultos das minhas memórias estão vivos como nunca.

Eu tento achar uma saída deste labirinto sombrio mas é impossível, algo me puxa incessantemente para o interior mais profundo daqui. Minha respiração está curta e meu peito dói, minha mente só se preenche de culpa. Contornos surgem das sombras e caminham em minha direção e logo reconheço quem são: são pessoas, todos aqueles que um dia eu já feri. Seus rostos tristes nada dizem, seus olhos vazios nada fazem, apenas me observam e param ao se aproximar. Alguns deles ainda choram, são meus velhos amigos, meus antigos amores, minha família. Eu tento balbuciar palavras de perdão e arrependimento mas é impossível, é impossível corrigir o passado.

Tremendo e sem forças para ficar em pé, meus joelhos desabam ao chão. Nesse momento uma única figura se forma à minha frente, mais melancólica que todos, mais machucada que todos os outros. Eu ainda sinto seu coração batendo, pulsando, tentando seguir em frente, mas seu choro forte evidencia toda a sua mágoa de nossos sonhos incompletos e despedaçados. Seus olhos cinzentos e cheios de lágrimas me lembram de uma das piores verdades da vida: reconhecer que amar também significa partir.

Mais imagens aparecem das sombras, dessa vez todas ao seu lado. São nossos amigos, que me observam decepcionados. São seus amigos, que me encaram indignados numa mistura de nojo e ódio. Eu desvio meu olhar para o chão, mas um deles, uma mulher, avança e me agarra pelo pescoço, ela quer que eu veja o sofrimento que causei à essas pessoas, ela quer que eu saiba o ódio que eles sentem por mim. Eu desvio o olhar mais uma vez, envergonhado e culpado, e nesse momento ela usa toda sua força para me levantar e me derrubar de costas para o chão. O impacto me faz perder todo o ar em meus pulmões. Agora com as duas mãos no meu pescoço, ela me estrangula com uma força que só pode ser comparada ao seu ódio por mim.

Deitado sobre o leito de folhas secas, vejo meus fantasmas formarem um círculo ao meu redor. Seus olhos continuam fixados aos meus. Meu corpo não tem forças para reagir, meus espírito não possui mais determinação para isso. Logo acima de mim, me encarando com os olhos mais tristes de todos, com o coração mais frustrado de todos, lá está ela. Tudo o que consigo fazer é sentir culpa. Um último som surdo escapa de minha boca, um singelo, quase inaudível, “me desculpe”.

Minha consciência apaga.



OrenZ, the Pilgrim