ᵕ̈corretto pantryᵕ̈

-> who says coffee can’t have alcohol? add an extra shot of espresso, we’ll be all over the place hahah ᵕ̈ corretto scenarios are mostly fun and comedy and hyperactive.. but don’t have too much ＼(≧▽≦)／ masterlist

ʚraining cats and dogs ɞ — ordered oneshot

➙you and johnny clash heads most of the time, and somehow it’s normal

ʚdon’t you dare ɞ — ordered oneshot

➙johnny takes some measures to find out why you avoid him

ʚpepero kiss ɞ — oneshot

➙as you’re busy with your projects, johnny is needy for some attention

༊·˚cappucino pantry˚·༊

-> the layers of cappucino makes you expect and anticipate, just like trilogies or series. enter the world of wonders with many flavours and feelings, maybe you’d want more ༊*·˚ masterlist

ʚmaybe ɞ — twoshots latte ✓

➙ for you and johnny, you both grew up in an elite, business oriented family. and it was expected for you to tie the knot after graduation.

ʚsquared ɞ — threeshot latte ✓

➙ a soulmate drama series where you and johnny meet

ʚjust for the night ɞ — twoshot latte ✓

➙a little setup date may bring something nice after all

ʚpregancy ɞ — threeshot affogato ✓

➙ you find out you’re pregnant, and johnny’s ecstatic

ʚvip ɞ — threeshot affogato ✓

➙volleyball player and hottie johnny suh is very much interested in you, a tsundere

ʚrecollect ɞ — threeshot affogato ✓

➙ a short trilogy that tests you and johnny’s relationship

ʚa spark maybe ɞ — social media au // ongoing

➙after floods of photos sent to you after that new years eve party, your once quiet life is soon to have a kickstart with the famous jock johnny suh. will there be a spark in your love life?

ღ*latte pantry*ღ

-> milk froth is like the stars, add a dash of espresso is like the unknown, a mix of two brings you to another universe that warms your heart. here’s the pantry full of au’s ღೃ masterlist

ʚto burn your bridges ɞ — oneshot

➙spy and mafia au with romance building up

ʚthe music in me ɞ — oneshot

➙pianist!johnny and singer!reader reunites in university

ʚi got you ɞ — mini coffee

➙a short halloween au

ʚin love with a monster ɞ — oneshot

➙a world where johnny is a boxer and you’re a nurse

ʚcoming home ɞ — oneshot

➙ an au where johnny looks after his son while you’re away for work

☽⋆americano pantry⋆☽

-> strong, bitter coffee that leaves a heavy feeling in your tastebuds. very much suited for a rainy day ☽ or if you just feel angsty masterlist

ʚ80/20 ɞ — oneshot

➙ your relationship with johnny was on rocks, it’s not too long until someone breaks first.

ʚexes confront each other ɞ — oneshot

➙ a sequel to 80/20, you and johnny meet at a studio after a year or so.

ʚwe were there ɞ — oneshot

➙ you and johnny were members of the high school debate club, and were previously linked.

ʚno more ɞ — mini coffee

➙ a heated argument in the car caused tension to rise.

ʚone step ɞ — oneshot

➙ you and johnny have a big event of a lifetime.

ʚexpectations ɞ — oneshot (ordered)

➙johnny wanted you, you wanted him. will this relationship at the studio bring you two together?

ʚred & blue ɞ — oneshot

➙ known as opposites, johnny finally decides to pop you a question.

ʚi saw an angel ɞ — oneshot

➙ johnny works as a ceo and is also a full time father to his sickly daughter.

ʚclarity ɞ — oneshot

➙ a breakup where johnny searches you for clarity in your relationship.

*♡syrup pantry♡*

-> sugar, spice, and everthing nice. have some syrup to sweeten up your day / night! here are some fluffy/ heartfelt scenarios for you to enjoy ♡ masterlist

ʚattention ɞ — oneshot

➙ a sudden double date leads you to be paired up with the volleyball heartthrob, johnny suh.

ʚpresent ɞ — oneshot

➙ a christmas shopping spree with johnny, your best friend.

ʚsweet truth ɞ — oneshot

➙mixed emotions with quarantine drove everyone crazy, even you. little did you know, something sweet came out of it.

ʚokay with it ɞ — oneshot

➙there were unsaid feelings between you and your childhood crush. he felt the same too, but are you both sure you’re okay with it?

ʚcover up ɞ — mini coffee

➙johnny cooks you- who is a chef, some breakfast one morning.

ʚi like you, jerk ɞ — oneshot

➙ people called you a tsundere. johnny knew that. except he didn’t know who could melt that persona.

ʚfool ɞ — oneshot

➙ a heartbroken you gets drunk one night and johnny comes to the rescue.

ʚstay with me ɞ — oneshot

➙ a fever stricken johnny calls you in to look after him

pepero kiss | johnny | mini coffee

pairing: johnny x reader

genre: corretto with syrup! very sugary ☕️

bean count: 775

a/n: i have a week off which sucks cuz bye money but here’s a delayed valentine’s coffee special for you enjoy reading my lovely beans!

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midterms, projects, presentations. that usual cycle of college students have to repeat in the span of four to five years. and all you wanted was to have a well deserved break after everything’s done.

you stretched your legs on johnny’s couch, staying at his apartment was only supposed to be during the afternoon. though that plan had failed because you went rollerskating with your girls prior to coming here. you wanted to leave after having dinner with him but he insisted that you stay the night because your apartment was stations away.

johnny looked at your studious self, typing away on your laptop while you listened to lofi-music. as for him, he already finished his projects and homeworks an hour before you started, so he was pretty free.

he sometimes would tease you for not completing every project after him, and he found it cute that you were so competitive about it. you were competing with the rank one of your major.

also he was kind of frustrated at you, not because you were catching up with your deadline and putting other things first than your studies, but because he wanted your attention for almost two and a half hours.

usually you’d give him glances and sweet smiles if you needed a break. however, tonight was just not that night. johnny sighed out loud on purpose just to make you notice him. he opted the decision to give you any physical contact, ‘cause the last time he did so he got a painful smack on his newly inked tattoo.

you tried so hard not to giggle at your pacing boyfriend, his reaction to not being noticed was funny for you. and even if you did pay him any attention, you wouldn’t be 90% finished as you were now. so you thought to tease him for a while.

when you finally held the cover of your laptop, johnny immediately looked to see if you were done. only to be disappointed once again to see you getting your notes from a folder.

“ah, i’ll just watch some tv while you work.” he dramatically said, reaching for the remote control before realizing it was pepero day. so he went to the pantry and grabbed a box of it.

he knew it was your weakness since you started dating and he knew how much you can’t resist it. the familiar sound of plastic rustling made you look at johnny for the first time in two hours, and snickered at you as he took a bite of a pepero stick and winked at you.

you didn’t know whether to laugh to be disgusted but you just awkwardly looked away. not wanting to show johnny that you wanted one. you closed your laptop and walked towards him, attempting to get the box from him.

ha, it worked.

johnny smirked, “babe, you have to finish your project then you can get a reward.”

you pulled a puffed face at him and johnny swore he wanted to drop everything to hug and kiss you. “i’m already done, so i can have my reward.” you said as you took the box of pepero from him, putting one stick in your mouth.

johnny squinted his eyes and pulled your hairtie off towards the ends of your hair. you gasped as you halted in your steps and held his hands, johnny used this opportunity to pull you gently towards him and turned you around.

you stared at him as he wrapped his arm around your waist, the pepero stick still in between your lips. he smiled at you with his light brown eyes. and he leaned closer to you that you assumed he wanted to try the pepero kiss. so you automatically closed your eyes.

he took the biscuit away that as you opened your eyes, he shook his head and waved the chocolate stick at you. “that’s not the reward i’m talking about.”

“hm?”

johnny grasped your body tighter and locked his lips with yours. you almost forgot how soft they were that you wanted to stay like this a little bit longer, which you did, for two minutes.

you licked your lips and coughed shyly, blinking at the ground not noticing he placed the biscuit in his mouth. you took the box from his other hand, wanting to have a snack after finishing your work.

“ah..” you whined as you turned to look at him, “that was the last one?!”

johnny looked at you mischievously, fiddling the biscuit in his teeth. “mhm.”

“babe i want one.” you chuckled, earning a hum from him.

“sure.. but you have to do the pepero kiss with me first.”

a spark maybe | johnny | ch.27

a spark maybe: ch. 27

coffee line: after floods of photos sent to you after that new years eve party, your once quiet life is soon to have a kickstart with the famous jock johnny suh. will there be a spark in your love life?

a/n: john and y/n wat u both doin?

<prev[asm masterlist]

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taglist (closed):@yixing-jaehyun@anothermessedupbitch@hannahdinse8@kylomeyon@unmanageable-day@murasakillmepls@sokkigarden@kathryn3405@stopitvpls@mvrklee@smarkling@notbeforelong@dear-mllelily@yourchasingsunsetslove@neocluefor@titanmaknae29@honeymark@michplusb@xalicelisx@hanemyak@jungcherie@phonixel@thatssuhjohnny@yugy30m

we’ll be alright, I want to try again

sharing kisses with the dreamies.

feat. mentions of kissing and light touches.

unrequested ┊version with mark (127)

ʚ ⋮  huang renjun

• oh, he’s so smitten, it’s so bad for him :( his heart is going to explode
• as much as he tries to play it cool, it’s no secret to anyone that renjun thinks his s/o is the cutest person in the world. so, knowing he’ll be able to share such an intimate moment with them will have his knees buckling and resolve crumbling.
• not to mention, he’s such a sucker for close contact; run your fingers through his hair or pull him closer by his belt loops (!!!) and he’ll be putty in your hands.

ʚ ⋮  lee jeno

• sooo healing (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ
• if he’s ever having a particularly rough day he’ll flop onto your bed and stare at you, tapping his lips until you get the message.
• and omg, if you’re ever feeling sad he’s 100% the type of boyfriend to pull you by your waist and leave a quick kiss on your forehead before whisper affirmations in your ear.
• the effect you have on each other is so cute.
• he melts inside everytime your lips touch, but that won’t make him shy away from holding your chin and staring straight into your eyes when he pulls away.

ʚ ⋮  lee haechan

• loves to set you on his lap so he can kiss you all over your face and his hands roam free over your skin and under your shirt, he’ll do it anywhere, too. his friends are begging for the two of you to get a room, but he could care less.
• he’s very much young and in love and dying to show his s/o off, so if he wants to kiss in the kitchen, taeyong will just have to finish his drink somewhere else (/j)
• such a tease!! he’ll kiss you everywhere BUT your lips then he has the audacity to ask you why there’s a pout on your face.

ʚ ⋮  na jaemin

• jaemin is so giving— anything you want he’ll give it to you. he could be in the middle of a business call and you could waddle in all shy asking for a kiss and best believe he’ll stop everything and give it to you (and pinch the skin of your cheeks for good measure).
• he’s just in love with everything about you.
• you could be doing the most mundane thing and he’ll get this wave of admiration that gives him no choice to sneak up on you, wrap his arms around your waist, and pepper a million little pecks all over your face.
• the type of guy to do a loud mwah whenever you pull away.

ʚ ⋮  zhong chenle

• two words: playful and sweet.
• chenle’s kisses are so soft, i’m convinced you’d feel like you’re on cloud nine.
• he can not stop smiling for the life of him, it gets to the point where your teeth end up clashing bcus he can’t wipe of his grin before he touches his lips to yours.

ʚ ⋮  park jisung

• this boy… will be the death of you.
• he started out so shy and nervous, hands shaking before resting on your chin, and averted eyes, but now that jisung is comfortable with you? he’s bold as ever.
• he has no problem holding you close to him and staring you down before leaning in and closing the space between the two of you.
• (and if he’s feeling himself he might do it in-front of both of your friends…)

crash the crush.

pairings : senior student!xiaojun x sophomore student!reader
warnings : profanity, underage drinking, mentions of drugs
genre : fluff, a bit of crack? highschool!au
word count : 4.3k

summary : what are the odds of crashing into your crush during the neighborhood-friendly run and mutual friends party?

You were pissed off when your mum said you need to work your lazy ass off. Well, if it’s on the summer break, you’ll most likely agree with her. But it’s only the weekend, and you’ve been studying your ass off these days. A lazy weekend is something you earned, but your mum decided to rain on your lazy parade.

With all those groans and deep sighs, you storm off your house wearing your workout gear. Not much, only a windbreaker jacket paired with shorts and running shoes. Popping your airpods on both of your ears to blast some jams, you take some light jogging steps on your neighborhood. It’s only 4.30 pm, and kinda windy, why the fuck are you doing this? That’s right, because mum literally compared you to your neighbor’s daughter, Giselle, who recently won a karate tournament. Now mum won’t even shut up how much she wants an active daughter, not the lazy one. Yikes.

Back to the streets by Saweetie & Jhene Aiko plays, and you hear a message notification on your airpods. Still on your light jogs, you glance at the notification.

yeri<3 : yo
yeri<3 : wyd

You stop jogging for a while to write your bestfriend back. It’s saturday, she’s probably asking you to hangout along with the gang. Yeri gets easily bored at home and in constant need of hanging out.

y/n : running 
y/n : mum said i need to be giselle

You continue your pace while waiting for her reply. You can see your neighborhood clearly now, seeing the details, since you always go to school in a sleepy state, not really noticing the environment, and also going home from school mostly sleeping in your brother’s car.

The notification rings again. It must be Yeri.

yeri<3 : bitch thats a dancing emoji
yeri<3 : running in a weather like this?
yeri<3 : damn straight u wanna be giselle

You chuckle as you’re about to type the messages once more, the weather is fine, what the hell is she talking about? But then Yeri is still typing. 

yeri<3 : n e ways
yeri<3 : party at lucas’ 8pm
yeri<3 : be there or be fucking square

You sigh. There she goes. No other option than tag along with her, but it’s not like you hate it anyway. Lucas’ party is always awesome, you and your friends also will get a VIP pass because he’s a good friend of yours too, despite the fact that you’re not even in the same grade as him, he’s one year above you and Yeri.

y/n : weather is nice dont jinx it
y/n : fine but pick me up
y/n : cuz doyoung won’t let me drive his car

You send the messages to Yeri to prove her the weather is fine, and indicates that you agree to go to Lucas’ house tonight, it’s a great night to probably get wasted after all those tiring run mum decided to toss on you. It’s gonna be fun, anyways. But the thing about hanging out with Lucas and his senior friends.. You might’ve developed a big fat crush with one of Lucas’ closest friends, Xiaojun. 

You barely had an interaction with him, though, because he’s usually the quiet and calm one in Lucas’ closest friends group. Lucas himself is already so fucking loud, not to mention Hendery, the good-looking clown and moodmaker. There’s also Jungwoo, the one who looks very calm but actually won’t shut up once you talk to him. Mark too, the giggly one with some lame jokes. Well, going to Lucas’ party tonight means you can see Xiaojun, probably getting the chances that you’ll have some interaction over some boozes or something is also quite high.

After feeling all warmed up, you decide to give yourself a run around the block. Yeri’s right, it’s a funny weather to run. It’s windy, but the more you stay outside, the cloud is getting darker and darker. You also knew that you’re not really alone, who’s doing this athletic bullshit in this kind of weather, you noticed that a boy is also doing this silly run when you were typing messages to Yeri. Probably just another neighbor’s child being scolded by his mum of how Giselle is so athletic that his mum also wants an active son? Welp, you didn’t see his face anyway, you were glued to the phone when you saw the figure running from the side.

It’s not even a minute after you started running, Yeri already replied again. Is she really that bored that she doesn’t have anything to do?

yeri<3 : ok i’ll pick u up at 7
yeri<3 : um.. its fucking raining, y/n
yeri<3 : go home and take a shower
yeri<3 : pick ur clothes and put on some makeup instead
yeri<3 : its saturday night, activate your hoe protocol
yeri<3 : mr xiaojun is going to be there tonight

You stop running and stare at her messages. Raining? Is she drunk or what? It’s not even 5pm yet and here she is, hallucinating-

Oop. There it goes. You feel some water drops on your head. Your hand. It was slow at first, but then the raindrops are getting harder and harder, it’s pouring. 

“Motherfu-” you let out a curse, you should’ve trusted Yeri on this. As an intuitive homo sapiens with XX chromosomes, you scan through the streets, looking for some shelter to wait the rain to stop. Spotting a bus stop with a large steel canopy, you run like your life depended on it, avoiding the rain.

Finally arriving, you sigh and sit on the installed chair, typing messages to Yeri.

y/n : omg bitch ur right its raining
y/n : should’ve pretended im dead in my room so mum wont bug me
y/n : u know what after the rain ends im gonna sprint back home and take a fucking shower
y/n : the universe doesnt like it when im trying to be giselle, it gave me rain instead

You sigh as you shuffle through your playlist, looking for some fun jams to pass your time through the rain, when somebody suddenly approaches you.

“Hi, do you mind if I take a seat here?” a boy asks, pointing to the chair next to you. You look up, and suddenly the next thing you wanna do is ascend your soul the fuck out of your body to the sky. 

Oh boy. It’s Xiaojun. The boy you won’t shut up about. He’s wearing a white loose tank and grey sweatpants, drenched in his own sweat. Oh god. This is truly an attack for you. What the fuck is he doing here? And why must you meet him at your mess like being all salty because of those running fiasco and the rain? While wearing your not-so-fashionable workout gear and not-so-tidy ponytails? Oh god.

You can feel your heart is about to explode when you realize that he is actually the person who is also doing the stupid running at this very weather, you just didn’t notice it sooner because you were on your damn phone. Damn, mum was right, everything happened because you were always on your damn phone.

“No, of course! Take a seat!” you answer him, trying your best to crack your sweetest smile although it’s more like sweatiest not sweetest.

He smiles back at you, taking a seat next to you, then his eyes get back to his phone, completely glued. Damn this is the only cardio that is worth it, no running, no jumping, no huff that huff this, only sitting next to Xiaojun on a rainy day on a bus stop. Wonderful.

You quickly whip up the messaging app to type all kinds of gibberish and send it to Yeri. She knows what shit is about to go down when you speak gibberish to her.

y/n : FUCKJSHSJJSKSJK YERI
y/n : OH MY FUCKING GOD SJSGSJSHSKJSK

Lucky you, Yeri has nothing to do than respond to your messages, she stays put on the chat room.

yeri<3 : OMG BITCH WHAT
yeri<3 : SKSHSJJSKS YOU SCARED ME

y/n : HE’s FUCKING HERE AHSJSHSJEK

yeri<3 : OMG WHOS HE??
yeri<3 : THE DEVIL??? IS HE GONNA TAKE UR SOUL? SKEJSJKSKSK

y/n : XIAOJUN
y/n : TURNS OUT HE ALSO LIVES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD

yeri<3 : ASKJSJSKSK WHAT
yeri<3 : HOW

y/n : KAHSKSJKS omg bitch
y/n : i was sheltering myself from the goddamn rain
y/n : im in bus stop rn
y/n : this angel came to accompany me
y/n : HE WAS RUNNING TOO OMG
y/n : omg yeri just so u know if im not there when u pick me up
y/n : its bc im in church getting married with my man xiaojun

yeri<3 : BITCH OMG SKSKSKSKK
yeri<3 : GET MARRIED RN
yeri<3 : WAIT dont waste the chance
yeri<3 : talk to him rn!!!

You swear you’re about to scream when Yeri sends that. She was actually right, this is your chance to talk to him, considering that you didn’t really interact that much with him. But really? He didn’t even say a word when he sat, probably didn’t even remember your name? The disappointment slowly gets into your head.

You freeze on the spot. torn between wanting to talk to him and just let it slide, you’ll see him again tonight as Lucas’ house, right?

Just when you decide to give up and not say a word, he turns his head to you.

“Hey, I didn’t know you live in this neighborhood too,” he starts.

Oh god. If every time your heart beats fast you get a dollar, you’d probably have your own private island by now.

You try to play it cool when actually on the inside you wanna scream I LIKE YOU to his face rn. “Oh? Oh yes, my house is number 13.” you answer calmly,

He cracks a smile, “13? You’re Doyoung’s little sister?”

Oh god. What the fuck is this clownery? He knows Doyoung? Why and how? At this rate you just wanna evaporate to the rain, what if Doyoung actually knows that you liked Xiaojun and he spills it? Oh god. 

You smile back at him, holding the panic you’ve been keeping since he mentioned Doyoung’s name. “Yep. I’m his sister.”

“Oh god, why didn’t I notice that earlier? I could’ve taken care of you at school!” he exclaims, and you sure you just wanna evaporate to the rain. Him? Taking care of you at school? YES PLEASE!

You let out a small giggle, trying to be as calm as possible when in reality you’re very sure you just wanna melt like a goddamn popsicle on a hot summer day. “So, how do you know my brother, actually?”

He laughs a bit, wiping away the sweat on his forehead. Oh god, he’s just so beautiful. “Well.. Doyoung and I used to be a dynamic duo in the school’s choir, until he graduated.”

Oh, that. Doyoung is pretty serious about his career in the school’s choir, but you did not expect that Xiaojun is actually a part of it. Of course, he has the face of an angel, the voice is included.

“Now I know why Doyoung never let me come to his house. Turns out he has a cute- I mean, h-he has a sister, and that’s you! M-Maybe he’s afraid I’ll bother you or s-something.” he continues, stuttering a bit, and letting out an awkward laugh. You laugh again, feeling the blood rushing to your cheeks that you can’t hide no more. DID HE JUST SAY DOYOUNG HAS A CUTE SISTER? DID HE JUST SAY YOU’RE CUTE? DID HE-

But then, good things always come to an end. The goddamn rain stops. Oh fuck, no more chitter chatter with the dear crush. Just when it is the fucking time you need to hear the goddamn wedding bells, the rain decided to stop on your rain parade. Fuck.

He looks up, and seems like noticing the rain has stopped. “Well, Y/n. Lucas is having a party tonight, are you coming?”

You can feel your cheeks are still heating from his words, you shyly nod to him. Welp, maybe the rain has stopped, but this stupid crush? No. It goes on. Very much.

He stands up, straightening his white loose tank, getting ready to probably sprint back home. “Okay. See you tonight then, I’m going home. Have a good run!” he says as he walks away from the bus stop, leaving you dumbfounded. And lovestruck. That’s a win, alright.

Xiaojun slowly fades away from your view, and you’re still drowning on your pool of love. Yep, that’s it. You can’t even hold it, you quickly dial Yeri’s number to break out the news.

“What is it, Y/n? You literally left me on read for like 14 minutes straight and now you-”

“YERI LISTEN I’M GETTING MARRIED TONIGHT AND THAT’S A FUCKING FACT!” you shout to the phone, you can picture Yeri is probably goggling out her eyes right now.

“Girl, just because Xiaojun just asked you why the fuck were you running at times like this it doesn’t mean-”

“HE CALLED ME CUTE!” you blurted out,cutting her sentences for the second time,

“-you’re getting married- WHAT?? HE CALLED YOU WHAT?” Yeri yelled from the phone, now it’s pretty clear that Yeri is probably jumping her ass off right now.

You sprint your way to home, while holding your phone to your ears, continuing to give Yeri the details about the bus stop conversation you had earlier. Now she’s just yelling at you to pick the right dress and pamper yourself up, the probability you’ll marry Xiaojun at Lucas’ party is increasing. Sure it does.

——-

It’s 11.28 PM, 3 hours and a half since you and Yeri just arrived at Lucas’ house, escaping from Doyoung’s warning to you, to get back in one piece, and most importantly, sober. As if you’re gonna leave Lucas’ house sober, that’s funny, alright. You and Yeri were greeted by Yangyang and Donghyuck, who are currently setting up the table for snacks and drinks. That was probably the first time you saw Donghyuck ever setting up something, because if not, Jungwoo would’ve set his ass on fire.

The party madness has started, seems like everybody already has enough alcohol running on their system. Lucas is already losing his shirt and starts twerking in the middle of his house along with Jaemin and Jungwoo. Ah yes, the thot trio already started their thing, and all you have to do is just stay back and avoid getting dragged to the dance mess, because the chance of Jungwoo and Jaemin will start grinding at you is kinda high right now.. Considering their.. Twerking fiasco.

You sit back on the couch and watch your friends getting crazy over the playlist Yangyang made just for this event, sipping on your cocktails that Donghyuck put god-knows-what in it, he said it’s just cherry juice mixed with gin and brandy, but somehow it tastes kinda citrusy. You glance to the right, only to see Yeri making out with some random guy (probably one of Lucas’ friends named Changbin but oh well, that’s Yeri’s business).

Slightly grossed out and sad because apparently you’re not making out with Xiaojun right now, you make your way to the patio, and find the crowd that circle around a spinning bottle. Interested, you join Jeno, Mark, Renjun, Yeji, Hyunjin, Sungchan, Karina, Vernon, Hendery, and of course, the (hottest) most important person right now, Xiaojun.

“Welcome! As a newly joined member.. Truth or dare?” Jeno greets you as you take a seat between Mark and Sungchan. Well, you’d love to sit beside Xiaojun, but apparently, that seat is already taken by Hendery and Vernon.

You silently glance at Xiaojun, who is wearing a denim jacket with light-yellow knit top underneath, paired with white trousers. Damn, he looks so damn good that you wanna cry a river.

Your head comes back to the question Jeno asked. Today’s your day, be bold or bald. It’s time. “Well, I’m not gonna put my drunk antics to waste. Dare then.” you answer boldly, earning a few ‘ooooh’s from your friends.

Jeno snickers. Well, fuck. Guess you’re a bit too damn bold tonight, the realization suddenly hits you like a fucking trainwreck, Jeno is kinda extreme for games like this. Wrong choice, y/n. You gulp as you wait for Jeno to come up with something.

“I dare you to kiss Xiaojun!” Jeno exclaims, clapping both of his hands like a goddamn happy seal. Mark and Hendery are high-fiving right now, throwing whistles around Xiaojun, who is silent as a fucking rock.

Oh god. Things you’ve said about not putting your drunk antics to waste should’ve stayed in that goddamn draft. This is where Jeno takes you, even though you’re secretly happy that you finally get to kiss your goddamn crush, that shit is EMBARRASSING. If you wanna evaporate to the waters, then it’s probably the right time to do it.

But why Xiaojun though? Is your big fat crush on him too obvious?

You freeze on the spot as you awkwardly smile and stare at Jeno. This shit can’t be real. Jeno is goddamn crazy. You can feel the air is getting hot, whether it’s because the alcohol starts kicking in, or just because the blood is rushing through your head.

“Scared, aren’t you?” Jeno taunts you, sipping his beer as the rest of the group laugh except you and Xiaojun, who is currently staring at you with a questionable expression. Is he pleased? Or is he pissed? Oh god.

“I-I’m not!” you answer him, leaning to Xiaojun, gulping once more before asking him, “You’re okay with this though?”

Xiaojun smirks, “How can I say no to you?” he asks back, accompanied by a few ‘ayyy~’ from the boys, sending butterflies to your stomach. Your face is probably as red as a tomato by now.

Good god. Is this the same Xiaojun who is quiet, calm, and collected among his friends? Why suddenly he is so bold? Oh, he’s probably just drunk and won’t remember this kiss anyway.. You lean closer to him, closing the gap between his face and yours by sealing the kiss. His lips are soft yet firm, almost like a grape jelly you had earlier this afternoon, with a hint of vodka, of course.

After a few seconds, you finally pull out and linger your eyes on him. It’s beautiful, and mesmerizing. You just wish that you can see it again, and only for you, no one else. As you get back to your seat, you take one more last glance at him, that is currently also glancing at you, with his cheeks red.

Okay. You definitely heard the wedding bells, thanks Jeno. That’s probably one of your dreams, and thanks to Jeno, it came true. But unfortunately, Xiaojun probably won’t feel the same, or worse, he’ll probably forget about it tomorrow.

Everyone claps, exchanging happy exclaims and cheers as if you just said ‘I do’ to Xiaojun lol, when in reality, you were just doing the dare Jeno gave you. You gulp bitterly as the game goes on and on.

—–

It’s an hour past midnight, 1.12 AM to be exact. Thank god you’re not that shitfaced, but Yeri is. She is not even capable of doing anything anymore except being all smiley and shit, Changbin already drove her home like fifteen minutes ago, leaving you behind in Lucas’ lair. You suddenly felt the urge to thank god that Yeri made a fantastic decision last minute before picking you up, she used a taxi instead of driving. If she hadn’t, you’re probably stuck driving her home right now.

You scan through the house while leaning through the stair railings, looking for an easy target to get a free ride. Finally spotted your friends, you now have 3 choices : Donghyuck (who is currently seducing some random girl), Yangyang (who is now playing mobile games with Jaemin and Chenle), or Mark (who recently just hit a goddamn blunt, but he’s very capable to drive).

You sip your glass of water, making up your mind for your ride home. But then, suddenly someone taps on your shoulder.

“Do you wanna go home? Like, right now? I can drive you- I mean, our house is like, near.” you hear Xiaojun speaking to you, holding his car keys on his left hand.

Good gracious, is this even real? Like, Xiaojun, is actually asking you to go home with him? Is this real? Or are you just hallucinating from the goddamn weed you take 10 minutes ago from Lucas?

You stare at him blankly. He bit his lip, “I mean- If you wanna stay longer- or probably-”

“Yes, of course! Let’s go.” you smile at him, cutting off his words.

3 times in a day. Good job, Y/n! The wedding is up ahead!

He smiles and gives you a gesture, “Ladies first.”

-

The drive is not as awkward as you thought. Turns out, Xiaojun is full of surprise though, you nearly choked when he said he once formally apologized to Doyoung before he stood up to defend the dignity of Mint Chocolate Chip flavored ice cream. It’s delightful to find out that he has similar tastes as you, from ice cream flavor to music and school subjects.

Xiaojun also told you the reason why he was on the run earlier, he was bored. Damn, look at it, the difference between a forced daughter whose mum wants an active child, and a bored model-student. He said he didn’t expect to see you because he was embarrassed, he was drenched in sweat.

You can feel the butterflies on your stomach grow wilder and wilder from every word he said, or maybe it’s just the way he smiles when he talks to you? Welp, if it’s anything to do with Xiaojun, you’ll most likely get butterflies.

Just when you thought he was drunk, he is not. He’s capable of driving you home and carrying on some fun convos, also remembering little things. So.. perhaps, he is not going to forget the kiss you shared because of Jeno’s dare?

As you keep on exchanging conversation with him, suddenly it’s time to get off his car and get back to your house, get ready to deal with Doyoung’s nags and scolds for getting home this late.

You giggle as you take the seat belt off, smiling at the brown haired boy.

“Thank you for driving me home, Xiaojun. It was fun.” you say to him, waving him goodbye as you open the door. He smiles and waves back at you.

Just when you’re about to open the gate of your house, you hear the sound of slamming car doors. You turn around and see Xiaojun standing in front of you, eyes sparkling like a goddamn star. Unfortunately, it’s not Christmas.. If it is, all you want for Christmas is to stare at Xiaojun’s beautiful eyes all day, and probably get married to him.

“Um.. Y/n.. I don’t know how to say this but.. The kiss you gave me earlier, it’s kinda..” he starts, smiling sheepishly.

Oh god, what now? It’s kinda what? Gross? You swear you’ll kill Jeno if you hear that from Xiaojun.

You gaze at him as you wait for him to complete his sentences.

“It’s kinda.. Making me feel.. Things.” he finally continues, rubbing the back of his neck while looking away from you, flustered. It’s pretty cute.

You giggle at him a little, the butterflies come back, or maybe they never even left?

“Don’t laugh, Y/n. I’m being honest, I was pretty embarrassed to run into you during sheltering, and now you’re laughing at me for-”

You let out a big laugh before you pull him to another kiss. This one is a bit longer, more passionate and intimate, unlike the one you had before. He cups your cheek as you feel him smiling during the kiss.

“I’m sorry if I invaded your privacy- but your fast typing was very.. Intriguing.. I might’ve seen you texting Yeri at the bus stop.” he giggles after you pull out from the kiss.

Yikes. You feel like you’re about to burst now. He saw you texting Yeri? What kind of clownery is this? Did he see you typing- oh god, that’s too embarrassing to remember.

“No! That’s too embarrassing!” you cover your face, he laughs once more.

“Now, which church are we going to? I’m pretty sure you said we’re getting married tonight, right?” he takes your hands off your face, grinning widely.

You pout and lightly hit him, only to be attacked by his hugs a second later. Aww, finally, dreams do come true. You stay on his embrace for a few more minutes, no talking, just comfortable silence and realization that you’re on Xiaojun’s arms right now.

You glance at your watch, Doyoung would be furious by now. Telling him that you really have to go before Doyoung can rise from his sleep and beat your ass, you finally wave goodbye to him as he gets back to his car.

Finally entering the house, you’re greeted by Doyoung who’s standing in front of you, holding a bowl of salad on his right hand.

“So, kissing Xiaojun in front of my salad?” he raises his eyebrow.

You stick out your tongue as you make your way upstairs. Technically, not in front of Doyoung’s salad, because the door was closed. He’s probably looking through the window, such a nosy brother. You laugh at the thought of Doyoung getting furious while eating his salad as you get a message.

Xiaojun : so, see you at school?
Xiaojun : can’t wait to hold your hand on monday ;)

pairing : fratboy!jaemin x sororitygirl!reader
warnings : drinking, mentions of drugs, a bit suggestive (but pls note that this isn’t smut), cursing, mentions of divorce
genre : fluff, angst, college!au
word count : 2.5k

summary : inspired by chloe x halle - busy boy. basically playing around with the local campus playboy, na jaemin for months is not the best thing, not the worst thing either.

——————————————————————————————————
You face yourself in the bathroom mirror, hands gripping the white sink. You saw him, right there. Dancing in the middle of the frat house’s living room with a girl in his arms. Na Jaemin, the boy you’ve been talking with for 3 months now, who recently just texted you “are you up?” on 9.15, and when you replied to him that you’re actually at his frat house, attending the party that Jaehyun hosts, he just texted you back one hour later by saying he’s with his family.

You’re malfunctioning right now, still dazed, don’t know whether it’s because of the alcohol, the weed Lucas gave you, or it’s just you- believing his cheap lies. Cause when you think about it, who the fuck leaves the campus, go home and spend time with family in finals month? Yeah, you’re the one who’s dumb here, actually believing his lies. But who blames you for believing in the first place, anyway? You and your sorority sisters have arrived here since 8.30 anyway, an hour and half is long enough to get you lightheaded from the shots you take.

You glanced at your watch, it’s only 11.28 pm. About an hour since you read his text, and practically 34 minutes after you literally saw him. Facepalming yourself, you close the toilet seat and sit above it. It’s not even right in the middle of the night, but it has been a wild ride for you. It’s kinda frustrating when you are the one who actually started this game, you knew Jaemin is hell of a playboy on campus, yet you decided to get some taste of it just because he’s being a real gentleman with sweet words to you. Yeri was actually furious when she saw Jaemin dropped you off at the sorority house a few weeks ago, she warned you that you should dump him before you’re too attached, but you won’t listen. There it is, the fruit of not listening to Yeri’s 40 minutes lecture of how you should avoid men like Jaemin, Lucas, Yuta, Ten, Johnny and Jaehyun in your love life, big disappointment.

Finally catching your breath, you decided that it is time you get back outside, and actually do something about it, rather than being all somber and gloomy. Jaehyun threw a goddamn frat party in the middle of finals month to relax the fellow students’ mind, not for you to dwell on your sadness, in the bathroom. It’s embarrassing. And a disgrace for your sorority.

You head out, spotting Lucas who’s leaning by the counter with Hendery and Jungwoo. They’re probably hitting more blunt and having some existential crisis over a potato chip wrapping. You continue to scan across the house, only to catch a sight of Joy busy making out with Sungjae on the couch. Or Yeri, who’s currently twerking to Doja Cat’s song, totally shitfaced. You sighed, your friends are either high, shitfaced, or sucking a boy’s face out. You really wanna continue your search for your other sisters, but then suddenly a light brown haired boy appears in front of you.

“Hey, y/n, you alright? You look like you’ve been through 4 divorces.” he asks as he stares at you, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I just went through a fucking divorce. With your homeboy.” you answer him absentmindedly, pointing to the black haired boy who is wearing a black-white patterned wool sweater and a red shirt underneath, along with his slate-grey suit pants and a silver necklace. The boy in the topic is currently talking with the girl you saw earlier, being all smiley and shit.

Mark just laughs lightly as he sips his beer, “Oh him? Yeah he’s quite a busy boy. Probably went through countless divorces with half of the campus.” you chuckle at him, he knows what you’re talking about. All these girls never even had a proper official relationship with Jaemin, including you, but always ended up getting a nasty ass divorce without any reason. You know that, but you did not expect that you’d hang on up until now.

“You wanna do something about it?” Mark asks, nudging your elbow. He’s in a helpful mood now, probably because he is still not completely shitfaced or high. You glance at him, giving him a questioned look.

“Well.. I mean I would do it, but what? Kissing you in front of him so that he’ll get jealous? No, Mark. You know that his head is made out of a fucking rock, right?” You answer him, seizing his beer and take a big ass gulp.

“Hey, that’s my beer- What? Kiss you? Gross, dude. If you are looking for that guy, might as well run to Lucas or Jungwoo.” he lifts his eyebrows, slightly engrossed. You laugh at him, he’s a funny guy when he reacts to your silly jokes.

“Do I look like I wanna give you a kiss, Mark? No offense, but I don’t like crackly lipped boys.” you tease him, now he’s pouting and starts touching his lips, “Is it too crackly though? You have a lipbalm or something?” he asks

You continue to laugh while fishing the watermelon lipbalm out from your black leather jacket and pass it to him. He muttered a small thanks. You set the beer aside to the table then face him once more.

“Anyways, what should I do?” you eye him, who is now done applying the lipbalm.

“Drop your drink to the girl or something? Make sure he notices you dude.” he suggests, shrugging his shoulder.

“You’re dumb, Mark. It’ll cause a fucking catfight in the middle of party.” you deadpanned.

“Oh yeah, you have a point.” he swept his hair to the side, glancing at the whole party situation. That’s when you get the idea. Scratch kissing other boys in front of him, it’s probably the right time to call him the fuck out, you already have alcohol running in your system anyways, might as well go all out tonight, since everybody else also seems like already intoxicated by the liquors.

You lightly brush your hair, stretching your neck and praying to god that he’ll forgive you for what you are about to do. “Toodles, Mark. I’ll think a way when I get drunk, soon enough.” you wave him a goodbye, heading to the dining table to get a bottle of vodka, it’s half empty though, considering you’re being pessimistic tonight.

You chug the bottle with no mercy, wishing it’ll bring you straight to intoxication. You start to feel it kicking in, when you finish the last drop of the vodka. Banging the bottle to the nearby table, you make your way to Jaemin, who is currently sitting on the staircase by himself, checking his phone.

“Ooh, busy boy, aren’t you?” you ask him, not giving anymore fucks. He looks up to you, who is currently squinting at him, face reddening from the alcohol heat. He stares at you, biting his lip.

“Y/n. You’re drunk.” he says lightly as he stands up, tucking strands of your hair to the back of your ear. You squirm from his action. As much as you want to punch him in the face for playing with your emotions, you really miss his touch.

“I am not! Jaemiiiiin, why did you lie to meeeee?” you whine loudly to him on purpose, placing his hand on your face, pouting. Your plan worked, a few people turned their heads to you and Jaemin. He just sighs and snorts, smelling the strong liquor scent that slipped out of your lips. You can feel Yeri is probably trying to kill you with her glare, you know how much she hates Jaemin.

“Listen, baby, what are you trying to pull?” Jaemin whispers close to your ear. You’re not that sure whether it’s because of the loud music blasting in the whole house, or it’s just Jaemin’s voice. Whatever it is, your ears are tingling, sending funny sensations down to your spine.

Jaemin is pissed, you know it damn well from his tone, stern and strong. Oh yes, you love it so much, pissing him off, probably you’ll start humiliating him more and more in his own frat home, because that’s what he deserves for playing with you, and some other random girls.

“Don’t baby me, Jaemin! You said you were with your family, and then I saw you with some random girl!” you shout. At this point, you don’t really care about what others think of you, because they can clearly see you’re being drunk and probably will shrug it off. If that’s what it takes to call Jaemin out in a huge crowd, then you’ll take it. You have nothing to lose, anyway, they’ll agree with you, they all know Jaemin is a big flirt.

And there it is, the anger and humiliation fills Jaemin up. He pulls your wrists, practically dragging you upstairs. You liked it, don’t know why, it’s just fun, making him mad when it’s actually you, who should’ve been mad in the first place. He rushes you to get into his shared bedroom with Jeno and Renjun. Amused, you quickly sit on his bed, acting like you’re dumb.

He shuts the door behind him, crossing his arms. “What’s this all about, baby?”

You snort, “I think you know, Jaemin. You’ve been messing around me for 2 months- or what, I actually lost count because you’re such a busy boy.”

He widen his eyes, “I don’t-”

“Oh shut up, are you surprised that I actually last longer than all your pretty girls?” you stand up, you can’t contain the anger anymore.

“Listen, baby, I-”

“I said, don’t baby me when you do that to probably other 7 girls!” you shout, glaring at him, who is currently freezing on his space.

He sighs and sweeps his hair in frustration, licking his lips. “Will you listen to me first, at least?”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms while glancing at his study desk. Nicely decorated, and you can see his family photograph neatly placed in a small frame. You noticed that he’s quite a reader too, judging from his book collection compared to Jeno and Renjun.

“First, I gotta admit, you last longer than other girls, yes. And second, it’s because I want to keep you-” he starts, taking a seat next to you,

You scoffed, “Keep me? You think I’m some kind of puppy that follows you around, Jaemin? You’re being such a dick right now! Do you think that I’m just some kind of wh-”

“Can you not interrupt me, baby? I’m talking.” he growls, placing his hand to your thigh. You can feel your cheeks heat up from his actions. Jaemin, being Jaemin, can sense that you’re actually flustered, he lightly squeeze your thigh, just to see your cheeks redden even more. God, he’s such a flirt.

“But first, I got to be honest with you, I was torn between ghosting you or continuing. That explains the lie a lot.” he clears his throat, looking into your eyes. You’re not giving him a reaction (except the fact that you’re already as red as a fucking cooked lobster from his hand placement), just like he said, don’t interrupt him.

“I mean- after all those messing around, I grow tired of it. I-I don’t even want to flirt anymore, I want to be comforted.. Those girls, those people.. They know I’m not serious and they do the same, y/n. We just kinda.. Have a good time and dipped.”

You’re still sitting in silence, eyes fixed on Jaemin, who now looks flustered. This is not Jaemin at all, he’s usually cocky, cheeky, and flirty, just exactly like a few seconds ago. He usually throws wink here and there, but now he actually looks… vulnerable.

“I was surprised you’re still holding on for like 3 months.. Those girls won’t even last for 2 days, y/n. It’ll end up me ghosting them or vice versa, no one ever had a second date with me. But you, you can’t seem to give up when I’m not replying, don’t you?” he chuckles as he looks at you softly,

You giggle at him a little, “Yes. I’m THAT dumb, Jaemin.” you admit to him. In reality, you know it, you know when he’s not replying, he’s probably with some other girls. But you are being deadass, you just don’t know what possessed you, you just keep on texting him like it’s nothing.

He rubs the back of his neck, “I was actually scared that you’ll dump me when I develop actual feelings to you.. Or worse, what if I break your heart after we have something? I mean, if I have to, I’d break it now, so the pain is not too harsh. That’s why I keep on lying to you, and maybe, not replying to your messages.”

At first, you feel bad from hearing him speak truthfully. But after he opened his mouth again, you can feel the anger slowly rising again through your veins. He is very very selfish and self-centered. Is this how he show his true color? A man with a big ego? That’s it?

You tilted your head, “Fuck you. Really. Then why did you start the conversation, Jaemin? You could’ve told me how you felt and we’re set. But I can see-”

He shakes his head, interrupting your words, “I-I told you, y/n. I’m very torn between wanting to pursue you, or letting you go. That’s why I often not replying right after I texted you. I’m sorry, I really do.”

You’re angry. You’re sad. But you’re confused that you’re a little happy too, hearing him speak from the bottom of his heart. But that’s very selfish of him, doing those acts to you. He could’ve told you what he actually feels way earlier than this, so you can make sure what are you two doing, instead of playing pointless games of ghosting and chasing around again.

“I see. You’re so fucking selfish, Jaemin. We talked for months and this is all I got? Am I not worth of your explanation from the start? I know you wouldn’t do anything if I hadn’t drag your ass in the middle of the fucking party!” you stand up, you can no longer hide your disappointment to him, tears start rolling down your face.

His heart breaks a little, watching bundle of tears fall from your eyes. He is the heartbreaker, but those girls were never crying when he ghosted them after they had fun, those girls would catch another boys and forget about Jaemin right away. This is Jaemin’s first ever experience, seeing a girl crying because of what he did.

He knows that he’s an asshole for playing fire, but now he feels like he is THE asshole. He broke your heart right on, and it breaks his heart right back.

You sigh deeply, trying to catch a breath after a few sobs. “Don’t fucking find me. Have fun with your girls.” you look at his eyes with full of anger and hate. With heavy steps, you walk to the door, thinking about things you’re about to do once you get downstairs, probably joining Lucas and the gang, stoning yourself out, so you don’t have to think about Jaemin and his stupid beautiful face.

Just when you try to reach the door knob, you can feel Jaemin is grabbing onto your hand.

“Y/n, I am truly sorry.. After what you did earlier, I realized that I’m a big fucking loser. I can’t even admit my feelings. When you call me out earlier, I just wanna dissolve into thin air. I can’t handle the shame of being such a dick, I should’ve told you what I feel instead of making uncertain decisions.”

You turn to him, seeing his eyes glimmering, probably because of the tears pooling up. You’re hurt, you want to push him away as far as possible, you want to see him suffer. Hell, you just want him to extinct. But seeing him like this, you can’t lie to your own feelings, you like him. You really do. But just like your sorority sisters taught you, yourself comes first, not those stupid silly boys who just fuck around.

“Goodbye, Jaemin.” you say to him, holding back more tears coming in.

Just when you’re getting ready to reach the doorknob for the second time, he pulls you into his arms. You want to let go of him, but he’s strong, and you- actually wanting this for so long. You hate him, but you have feelings for him. You can’t help but stay on his embrace.

And then… There it is, the feels. It comes back, the way you hide yourself from Yeri whenever you pick up his calls, or maybe the late night drive to nearby McDonalds, or maybe flirting through the notes you pass during class, or maybe the first kiss you shared with him in front of your sorority house, and ended up being scolded by Yeri and Joy. 

You realized that it was a stupid crush with the stupid playboy Na Jaemin, but you enjoyed your time with him. You remembered how he likes to send you goodnight selfies, or maybe the way he pouts a lot when driving. Those 3 months of on-and-off-unofficial-relationships with him, is actually making you feel things.

“Y/n, I know I don’t deserve you, but really.. This time, I mean it. I promise, I won’t mess around. Please, I know I’ve been such a dick, but if you just give me one more chance, y/n..  But I completely understand, if you hate me, and you probably want to slam me to death, and I will allow you-”

You look up to him and grabbed his face, crashing his lips into yours. He tastes like cherry soda, with a hint of cigarettes. He seems like enjoying the kiss, he cupped your cheeks as he deepened the kiss. You can feel his hands travel around your body, only to land in your hips.

You want to trust him this time. He promised you. He meant it. He will take care of you. And you trust him, this time. 

“Alright, busy boy. I do want to slam you, though… But remember, just because you’re so damn fine, I won’t even think twice to dump your ass if you act up.” you warn him.

The tears you shed just bloomed into giggles and smiles. The inconsistency between the 3 months before finally disappeared, and reborn again into a new promise.

He nods. “Believe me baby, you’re the one who wants to be slammed right now.” he teases you, glancing to his bed. You can feel your cheeks reddening again, you lightly hit him, and he laughs. He’s a cheeky boy.

“Busy boy, huh?” he giggles, “Your busy boy.”

The anger within you is released now. No more chasing around like a fool, no more getting late replies from Jaemin, no more nights of hoping that he’d reply, because he’s only busy for you now.

☆ lovestruck!au xlibrarian!au taeyong
other lovestruck!aus:jeno|chenle|haechan|jisung

• a tower of books is blocking taeyong’s vision, just a voice comes echoing out from behind them
• “do you have a classics section?”
• “of course! which author?”
• there’s a pause and taeyong starts to get up so he can at least see who he is talking to
• “who would you recommend?”
• taeyong is already running through his alphabetized list that he’s spent hours on making in his head
• when you love books as much as he does, a question like that makes everything around him spark
• but then he sees you
• you seem to be frowning, looking down at the screen of your phone as the familiar notification sound of the college email comes vibrating through the room
• a couple of people studying nearby turn to glare and you whisper a small apology as you put your phone on silent and meet taeyong’s gaze
• taeyong almost wishes you hadn’t
• the urge to bring up the long sleeves of his oversized cardigan to hide his face starts to take over his brain instead
• they’re so cute - i can’t look at them!
• you blink when taeyong doesn’t say anything - he looks as if he has suddenly been struck by lightning
• “sorry - is everything ok?”
• your concern seems to do the trick, taeyong mentally mocks himself for being so awkward, and he says the one name that comes to mind easier than all the rest
• “have you read, um, twain? m-mark twain?”
• the look that you give him tells taeyong he’s picked an author that could put you to sleep - not that he really would argue, it’s just that suddenly all his knowledge has seeped away into the darkest corner of his brain
• “no..i mean i have tried to, but he’s kind of - boring?”
• “jane austen?”
• “aren’t most of her books a thousand pages long?”
• “is - are you looking for a book for a project?”
• you poke your tongue into your cheek, the little action makes taeyong suddenly feel like jello
• “kind of - one of my classes wants us to find a classic author that speaks to us personally. the only issue is none of them speak to me - most of them are dead anyway right?”
• taeyong stares at you and then gives a little nervous chuckle
• you stare back and sigh in defeat
• “i know i must be annoying you right now.”
• “no- no! no, i just……i -”
• i just can’t stop looking at you and it’s kind of insane
• taeyong pushes the thought back and levels himself and his emotions
• “i think you might want to find someone that isn’t exactly a ‘classic’ author?”
• this intrigues you, your shoulders perk and you lean over the librarians counter
• the sudden action nearly topples the neat bunch of books that had originally blocked taeyong from seeing you and he circles his arms around it protectively as he tries not to fall into the stars that are looping through your gaze
• “what do you mean?”
• “w-well the assignment is a classic author who speaks to you right? there are lots of authors from that same time who aren’t labeled classics but they - they might fit that category to you.”
• he is still holding his fingers on the spines of some of the books as you think about the sentiment
• “like who?”
• taeyong, looks at the pile in front of him, mostly to avoid direct eye contact with you, but then he notices something in the mix
• through the mess of titles and textbooks and more he sees one of the colleges oldest and most checked out books
• the great gatsby
• briefly, he thinks about the way in which gatsby speaks about daisy
• a flickering thought of the almost desperate love someone could feel for another
• you tap your fingers and the little memory lights something else in taeyong’s mind and he asks you in a small voice,
• “have you ever read zelda fitzgerald’s work?”
• you haven’t - actually you were unaware she was ever a writer - and when you ask taeyong if her work is available in the library he shakes his head
• “she wrote a novel, save me the waltz, really not popular enough to ever become a classic but if you read it and like it i think -”
• “well how can i read it if the college doesn’t have a copy?”
• taeyong thinks he feels the temperature of his skin rise a little because
• “i-i own a copy.”
• this time you do knock over the tower of books, simply because you jut your upper half over the counter to ask him if he’d ever consider lending it to you and your elbow catches right on one of the books
• they topple over and the loud crash echoes a wave of irritations throughout the library again as you scramble behind the desk to help taeyong get them back in order
• behind the desk like this - you ask him in a whisper
• “i know im a stranger, but you can trust me with the book - i promise!”
• taeyong wants to say of course, but all he manages is a shy hiccup when your hands brush over the same cover
• “here -” you stack the rest of the books up and then push your phone into this palm “give me your number and we can meet up”
• the rest of it all happens in a blur
• taeyong gives you his number - you delete the contact name and write yong with a little book emoji instead
• you text him and insist he put your name down with your favorite little pink flower
• after his shift, he heads to his dorm and finds the book - smiling to himself silently as his dormmate doyoung stares with a look of curiosity from behind his pre-law homework
• and then - it hits ten p.m. - and the all-night cafe on campus is packed and warm and taeyong is standing in front of it with a small scarf around his neck and the book placed carefully in a manilla envelope
• you come bounding down the street, ten minutes late, and skid to a stop in front of taeyong
• you call him mr. librarian and taeyong doesn’t know if the feeling in his stomach is love or his lunch
• “thank you thank you thank you - ill be sure to let you know if i use it for my project!”
• he assumes you just mean one text after you’re done reading it - a yes this is perfect or a i think i need to find something else!
• what taeyong does not expect is that the two weeks you work on your project, you text him daily
• the book is only a mere 230 pages - but you keep telling him about passages and the old articles you’re finding on zelda
• somehow you took one little book and pulled so much from it
• taeyong thinks its been a long time since he’s seen someone fall so much in love with a writer that he misses the feeling he used to get too
• one evening he gets your text just as he’s finishing up shelving at the library, he stops to lean against the cart and read it
• submitted my project, i have to see you and give you back the book!
• he thinks for a second, chewing on his lower lip
• you can keep it, you’ve come to love it.
• the bubbles pop up fast and taeyong nearly loses the grip on his phone when you reply
• that’s so sweet, but i actually just really want to see you too.
• and so you pop by the library when it’s only him left, he’s closing it with the key the school trusts on him with (and the janitor)
• and he almost jumps out of his skin when he turns and you’re there - beaming a huge smile at him
• you’re holding the book and he says, “no really you can keep it-”
• “do you want to go to dinner with me?”
• taeyong doesn’t know if you’ve been privy to his feelings all along
• did you, standing there behind that tower of books, already know he was going to start thinking about you every day after he saw you
• did you already know he’d feel like a helpless schoolboy with a crush on the sun?
• either way you don’t admit it - you just keep that huge smile across the table with pieces of cake between you two and steaming cups of tea
• you babble about your project, about how you had to defend not picking someone more obviously 'classical’
• and taeyong does the one thing he learnt from romantic movies and novels, that when you shiver in the cold air of the cafe, he shrugs off that huge cardigan he’s always wearing and offers it to you without much of a word
• you pull your hands through it and go
• “it feels like a hug!”
• when you’re both done with your food, you ask taeyong if he’s going to walk back to the dorm - you have to take the shuttle across campus
• “thank you for treating me, you didn’t have to all over a book.”
• he shyly scratches the back of his neck and he still doesn’t ask for you to give him his cardigan back
• you look much cuter wearing it anyway, in his opinion
• in the breeze of the night, you step closer to him and taeyong swallows because you’re looking straight at his lips
• “it wasn’t just for the book. are you book lovers so dense?”
• “hu-”
• he starts as you lean in to kiss him, gently and sweetly, the lingering taste of cake and tea on your lips
• taeyong almost falls over - his saving grace is your hand wrapping around his wrist
• “ive seen you in the library before…..so when i got this project i thought it would be the perfect time to talk to you and ive always liked you, so i cant believe how nice you were to me-”
• you start, confessing an onslaught of feelings taeyong was oblivious to
• “-and if you don’t feel the same i understand.”
• taeyong has never been straightforward in his life, but he answers your concern with another quick, soft kiss to your lips
• he doesn’t say everything he wants to either when he pulls back and you’re giving him a slight look of shock
• i like you too, ive liked you ever since i saw you - ever since you toppled that tower of books back on me - ever since you helped me put it back together behind the librarians’ desk
• he can’t force the words out instead he goes,
• “please keep the book…..and my cardigan is yours too.”

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au ten
another late birthday au (again) but hey ten time :3
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle|kun|yukhei|doyoung|jaehyun|jungwoo

• not knowing what to say isn’t a foreign feeling to you, yet when you come face to face with ten outside his apartment on this summer morning, you are almost too petrified to even string a sentence together
• he’s really just……..leaving
• ten shines a big smile and from the open door you hear kun’s exasperated voice asking why in the world ten is packing up his entire existence for a program that’s going to last two months
• “you look nervous”
• ten jokes first, running a hand through his dark hair which he’s spent the colder months growing out
• “im the one going to a different country and yet you look like you might turn green”
• his laughter tickles you and you force yourself out of the weird, frozen feeling, for his sake
• “im not nervous - it’s just this is our first summer apart since what, highschool?”
• ten leans against the frame of his door and lets kun scuttle past him with a scowl
• yangyang and hendery bounce after him with ten’s insane amount of luggage
• “yeah but it’s two months, not two decades. plus….you know how much ive always wanted to do this.”
• right. and here you are being selfish.
• “of course, i mean it’s literally the birthplace of ballet.”
• “technically that’s italy, but france is a close second.”
• “i hate you”
• ten pulls you into his arms before you register that this is your goodbye hug
• “i’ll miss you too.”
• kun drives everyone to the airport, he complains and cries the most.
• sicheng gives you a knowing look when ten takes your wrist in his hand and tucks your arm between his.
• you ignore the look, and focus on ten. on him. and then - when the switchboard pops up his flight info - he gives a bubbly and excited
• “ive gotta go!”
• and then summer starts, just as he’s gone
• “so when are you going to tell him you’re in love with him.”
• sicheng brings the big gulp he stole from hendery up to his lips and you keep your eyes closed behind your sunglasses
• “sorry, yukhei’s not my type.”
• “you know im not talking about yukhei.”
• you dig your fingers into the sand beside your towel, the beach is already so noisy so you pretend you don’t hear sicheng, but you still feel him looking.
• you guess a part of it is true, you love ten. who doesn’t?
• is that the core of the issue then, that ten is so available and loveable and charming, that it makes him also unattainable?
• or at least, unattainable to you.
• you hear your phone buzz inside your bag and sicheng is being dragged into the water by the rowdy rest of your friend group
• it could be a text from ten?
• your mind excites, but you put out that fire
• it’s probably just spam.
• ten does text and even video call the first two or so weeks while he’s away
• you get blurry photos of food at cafes and the eiffel tower, random fancy looking dogs being walked on the small, cramped streets
• ten’s connection is kind of bad - but he still gleams through the fuzzy facetime camera as he shows you around the room the dance academy has provided
• pangs of his happiness and excitement seep into you
• and then there’s the first sign of worry comes knocking and twirling through his door
• a group of other dancers, all beautiful and strong, asking ten - from the limited amount of french you catch - if he’s done, they’re waiting for him to go to a show with them
• ten gives you a scattered, quick goodbye. he says he’ll video call again.
• all you get is an update text almost five days later that has no pictures attached just a;
• im ok - by the way i totally miss eating hot chips with you at midnight. ive had like a banana smoothie and that’s it.
• sicheng and kun are the first to pick up on the shift, you are quietly withdrawing to yourself
• nothing makes you laugh
• ten doesn’t reply to your question about what the paris metro looks like, actually he doesn’t even read it
• kun nearly tugs hendery’s ear red when he shares a snap story of ten pressed cheek to cheek with his new dancer friends in front of the louvre when you’re in the same room
• the thing is you are not jealous of any of them.
• you don’t go around trying to find their facebooks, clicking on their instagram profiles, comparing you and them.
• you are just sad to your bones that they will understand ten in such a way that no matter how long you two have been friends
• you will never, truly know
• “you’re his best friend”
• sicheng reasons on the phone as you stare up at the wall above your desk, littered in old pictures and clippings and your gaze catches on the ticket stub from ten’s first-ever solo dance performance
• it had been a talent show in highschool.
• it had been the first time you saw ten perform outside the corner of his cramped bedroom or the glimpse you caught meeting up with him outside the dance academy
• he’s in paris, he’s with people who love it so much more than i do - they love dancing like he loves dancing.
• i cannot understand that.
• “i think you were right sicheng.”
• “im always right.”
• i do love him. when am i going to tell him?
• you hang up after sicheng has his i told you so moment and stare at your screen
• a notification flashes across the screen and it’s a text from ten
• the trains here are blue. i miss you.
• you want to reply right away, so you open the message and start typing
• i miss you too. actually, i think i finally understand why people who are in love are so hurt when they’re suddenly left without their other half and ten you are my o-
• you delete the sentence and make a face
• nice. i miss you too.
• you don’t send it - or at least you forget to because your fingers are shaking and you exit out of the messaging app before checking
• abandoning your phone, you turn on your side and stretch your hand out to reach the edge of the bed
• there’s enough space between you and it for someone to fit, so you remember the countless times ten has laid there
• smiling and laughing and tickling your face with his sleeping breath
• you can’t even recall a conversation because there have been hundreds
• suddenly you feel a warmth creep up your skin
• hundreds of opportunities to tell him - and each time i chose to be a coward.
• “you should write him a letter.”
• “this isn’t a movie, what - you think im going to write a letter and he’ll jump on the first plane from france to come to my side?”
• sicheng cocks an eyebrow as if to say it is a possibility
• “no. im not writing a letter. i’ll suck it up and confess when he comes back.”
• you somehow end up writing a letter.
• maybe because you really do want to just send a long text spilling your mushy, soft, pink feelings
• but you know that’s just not what ten deserves
• he deserves (and you do too, but you won’t admit this) a face to face confession
• so you start retelling the moments that flutter up in your heart whenever you think about him
• how he makes the room brighter when he’s in it, how he dances with every bone, joint, muscle in his body - how he approaches it with no inhibition and true devotion that paints its way across his face when he practices, how he fits perfectly into the hole that grows more massive every day you don’t see him
• standing there across the hall - coffee in hand, gym bag with his scuffed dance shoes
• by the time you’re finished - the letter is longer than you imagine. there are parts crossed and scribbled out, repetitive thoughts, and stupid little comments and metaphors that compare ten to flowers or clouds or anything else pretty in nature
• you cringe at yourself, but you do feel better
• it could be your outline for when the time to actually tell him comes.
• you shove the papers into an envelope, write ten’s name and the address of his parisian dance academy just for the irony
• and then make the mistake of letting it sit on your desk
• in a matter of days, it has been swallowed by a bunch of other papers and trinkets
• and when you’re rushing around your room trying to get ready for another adventure to the beach - sicheng clinks the lollipop against his teeth and fishes it out - curious at the stamp
• “do you want me to mail this?”
• he asks and you’re trying to find those sunglasses you literally just bought and grumble that sure, whatever - you’ll meet him out by kun’s car.
• halfway to the beach, you turn in horror from the passenger seat to look at sicheng in the back
• your eyes like saucers and a tremor in a voice
• “wait. what did you ask me back in my room?”
• sicheng’s big smile is red from the candy, “your letter to ten.”
• and there comes the second pang of dread and worry that takes the overwhelming shape of your summer
• oh my god - oh my god - maybe the letter won’t even make it. i mean it’s a letter to france….it’ll take at least a month to get there. wait - it probably didn’t even have a stamp on it. oh god maybe the address was totally off and some poor stranger is about to be subjected to my very incoherent feelings…..
• every day you look at your phone and there’s no texts or emails or anything from ten
• his social media has gone quiet too
• you throw your dignity down a well and ask all your friends if they’ve heard from him and they all scratch their heads and say no, it’s been maybe a week since they did
• your stress then turns from your love letter to a possibility that ten is in trouble
• he kind of thrives from attention so it is very weird that he’s so off-grid
• you decide finally, on the day that it’s been exactly a month and one day since he was gone, to call
• you hover over the facetime button - should i text him first?
• with a yelp, you nearly drop and crack your screen when ten’s name flashes across the screen
• you settle your breathing and tell yourself he hasn’t gotten the letter, there’s no way - since when has snail mail been efficient?
• you answer and are about to ask what’s up when ten waves something into the camera
• “i got your letter.”
• maybe you go into rigor. because ten’s eyebrows knit and he asks if your connection is ok, you aren’t saying anything
• you don’t know if it’s just because you miss him so much that you’re able to drag yourself back into consciousness or because you are curious, in the depths of your mind, what his reaction will be
• “o-oh. right- i-”
• ten frowns and you think it’s coming. the rejection is coming.
• “is that why you didn’t answer my text? you sent the letter instead?”
• “your text?”
• “yeah, i said i missed you and you read it and never responded.”
• a peek of a smile stretches on his pretty, bare face
• “i never thought you were so romantic to send a letter.”
• something burns on your skin but you just try to make sure your hand holding the phone doesn’t shake
• “im not - i just, it was dumb sicheng said i should write it because - i don’t know. he’s the romantic, blame him.”
• “you’re the one that said i could make a shy tulip open its petals with my laughter.”
• “oh god”
• that smile turns into a grin
• “and that my dancing manages to cast a spell on you.”
• you hide your expression by turning your face
• “are you going to re-read the whole thing to me?”
• “should i, you’re so poetic.”
• “don’t make fun of me.”
• your voice is serious this time, small and huddled, because you mean it
• worse than being told he doesn’t feel the same is to be ridiculed for holding him in your heart like this for so long
• “im not making fun of you, the letter is beautiful.”
• you still can’t look at him, it’s so ten to be kind before he’s cruel
• “i could never write something like that - so i thought i would just call you and say it.”
• you don’t need to love song yourself into telling me you just see me as a friend
• “i love you.”
• your head whips back so fast your phone drops and you curse and ten can’t help but laugh
• “sorry, sorry -what did you say?”
• he runs a hand through his dark hair, the lighting in his room is dim and illuminates him perfectly
• a large white t-shirt engulfs his slender shoulders as he sits up against the wall
• “i love you. i know it’s corny to confess over facetime, but im guessing it’s more forgivable than text?”
• a bubble bursts in your stomach and it makes you feel lightheaded and inhumanely blissful all at once
• “i love you too.”
• “more then friends right, because your letter had this part about kissing im very interested in.”
• you bite back your lip and nod, both embarrassed that he’d bring that part up too but also seeing ten - your close friend, your secret love - talk about kissing you
• makes some of the neurons in your body go haywire
• “good, i seriously was scared you might have been pranking me with thi-”
• “i would never. im not hendery.”
• “oh how are they, ive been super busy with the practice for a review so i haven’t talked to anyone.”
• another thing you love about him, he keeps everyone in. he leaves none of his friends behind. he pretends like he couldn’t have a care in the world, but he cares more than anyone else.
• “he’s ok, he almost crashed kun’s car yesterday.”
• ten shrugs, “expected.”
• and like that - everything is still somehow the same. there is no awkward phase after you’ve talked about your feelings for each other at all.
• because your love doesn’t come as a one hit punch because ten is beautiful, although he is to an unfair degree
• it comes from the experience of being around him. having so much of him. maybe even getting a little addicted.
• you do talk more on the phone, no more long pauses even though ten’s practices get more grueling and you tell him to take his time to rest
• but he’s sweaty on the practice room floor - texting you - telling you everything is sore but the thought of seeing you soon makes it all better
• it’s three days before ten is scheduled to fly back that he has his review and you are biting your fingernails waiting for him to tell you about it
• when you get a youtube link at like three in the morning - you click it and someone has recorded ten’s performance
• somehow, he looks more graceful than you’ve ever seen him
• a new text comes in when it’s almost done
• ‘i think i did well - can i get a reward?’
• 'you’ll get a really good one when you’re home’
• he sends a winking emoji and you can’t fall asleep after because you wonder what he’s expecting, you’d meant a kiss - had he meant more?
• you wouldn’t mind that at all.
• xiaojun is being pulled away from the conveyer belt by kun and hendery is asking sicheng for a sip of his starbucks as you all wait for ten’s plane to land in the airport lobby
• you two have not told anyone - mostly because you know there will be endless questions you won’t have answers too and sicheng might literally never let you live it down
• so you wait for ten to be here so you can suffer together
• you see the gates from his flight open and sicheng mutters that you look like you’re going to pop like a goddamn balloon
• for once in your life, you don’t snide back at him, folding your hands in front of you and tippy-toeing to see over the crowd
• and then, like seeing him for the first time all the years ago when you first met, ten comes out
• hendery and xiaojun try to go for a running jump, but the older members hold them back because everyone can sense whats coming
• you dash toward him and ten doesn’t stay still either - you two collide so hard it almost hurts, but you don’t care at all
• ten’s duffel bag falls over his shoulder and your hands are wrapped around his neck before he can even say your name
• it’s a first kiss that couldn’t be more characteristically fit for you
• sweet, big smiles tasted on lips, and interrupted by none other than your group of friends gasping in a symphony of shock
• except for sicheng - he knew
• ten tastes like you imagine he would taste, maybe because in smaller ways you’ve already had doses of the sunshine that radiates off him before
• he keeps his hands wrapped around your waist as he looks down into your eyes
• “mon amour”
• “is that really all you learned in france?”
• “ummm yeah, i don’t know how to say let’s get out of here and back to my place even though im pretty sure someone said that to me at some point.”
• you pout, “don’t try to make me jealous.”
• “never!”
• ten chuckles as you press your face into his neck and hug him close
• the only way you get pulled apart is because someone (kun) reminds you all you’re still at the PUBLIC airport
• the drive back is a frenzy and everyone wants to know everything and not about just you two - because you’re “two” now - but about france and traveling and ten’s dancing
• like you’d sensed - nothing has really changed
• just this time, your fingers are locked in tens. and the warmth you longed for in silence is suddenly all out in the open.
• funnily enough, you and ten don’t ever write letters to each other again.
• ten just doesn’t like writing - it takes too much sitting down
• and you are horrified everytime he fishes your love confession out of the memory box and dangles it above your head as leverage
• it’s how he convinced you into adopting the first cat. now you two have three.
• so when you and him are deciding the best way to let all your friends know about your upcoming event you cross out mailed invitations
• “we can make an email list.”
• your legs are thrown over his thighs on the sofa and he’s resting the laptop on you them
• “let’s just make an instagram post: wedding in our backyard on thursday - you’re invited.”
• ten pinches his nose
• “we are not having a backyard wedding. we could not fit everyone in my dance company into it anyway.”
• you play with your engagement band and sigh
• “fine, fine. what about…..we just call everyone and tell them. if we call kun right now he’ll let all of the world know by the end of the week.”
• ten agrees with a hum, but then starts typing and you lean over to see
• “bulk wedding invites? you’re giving in?”
• he closes the laptop and tosses it to the side, easily and gently pushing you down onto your back to hover over you with a small content sound
• “i am. but we don’t even have to write the letters - some company will do it for us.”
• his lips are inches from yours and all of a sudden you’re young again - waiting to kiss him for the first time at that airport
• “you know we’ll still have to write vows right.”
• he is about to kiss you, he’s so close and your eyes are closing
• “i’ll just read your letter outl-”
• “TEN NO!”
• he laughs, laughs until he finally does kiss you and then laughs again when he pulls back - the overflowing amount of love that exists in that moment is potent
• you tell him to get over that old thing, but he shakes his head
• “never, when again in all the lives i live is someone going to say i could make a shy tulip open its petals with my laughter?”

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jungwoo
another late birthday au….but happy snoopy day <3
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle|kun|yukhei|doyoung|jaehyun

• “congratulations and welcome to the team!”
• the overly peppy voice that comes out of the body of the middle-aged man somehow doesn’t match the soulless look in his eyes
• he hands you a whistle and a t-shirt, which when you unfold greets you with the name of the water park you’ve been cursed to work at all summer
• the font is big and bubbly and very, very, veryyellow - it’s almost nauseating
• you turn the shirt around and on the back, in that same childish font, is the word staff
• “jungwoo, glad to see you here again!”
• you turn your head to see the man, who is your shift manager, patting a rather thin and tall looking boy on the back
• he makes a gagging noise which the manager just laughs heartily at before dropping the same shirt and whistle in jungwoo’s palm
• “hey wait - which ride am i on this year?”
• “um let me see - you’re on …….. ah, the log flume with the new employee.”
• you motion to yourself because it seems like you’re the only new face at the orientation
• everyone else has cliqued up and is already mumbling about how much this is going to suck with each other
• jungwoo slinks over and throws the shirt over his shoulder
• “log flume kinda sucks, just so you know.”
• “really? i can’t imagine getting sprayed by residual dirty water isn’t a thrilling experience - especially when it happens a hundred times a day.”
• there’s a pause and then a large grin forms of jungwoo’s features
• “oh - i like you.”
• you affirm the notion with a little bit of a prideful shrug and smile yourself
• good, i think i like you too.
• of course - when you and jungwoo first exchange these sentiments, it’s nothing more than an employee-to-employee relationship
• jungwoo has a sense of humor that either tends to fly over peoples heads or offend them (sometimes both)
• but you catch on quickly and sometimes even beat him in a game of his own wits
• during an opening shift where you two are testing the ride and cleaning up the waiting area, jungwoo confides that when he was in middle school someone had pointed out that he’s “eccentric”
• you scrunch your nose up as you tie a knot around the garbage bag in your hand
• “eccentric is a polite way of saying fucking weird, you know that right jungwoo?”
• “do you think im ‘fucking weird’ then?”
• he does a pose and you shake your head with a little laugh
• “no i think you’re just….you.”
• he relaxes his limbs and tilts his head to the side, without a verbal answer you somehow sense that that was the one thing jungwoo really wanted to hear
• working the log flume though - is as hellish as expected
• most of your days are spent standing in those hot, cheap plastic ponchos and waving at families with screaming children or rowdy teenagers who barely fit in the ride with their bony knees
• despite your efforts to keep dry, you and jungwoo always end up soaked
• he’s forgetful and clumsy so half the time you have to share the towel you bring with him, not to mention your lunch gets gobbled up by him too
• you ask at some point why jungwoo just doesn’t bring his own stuff - you are not a one-stop 7/11 shop
• he laughs and takes a bite into the huge soft pretzel sold in the water park
• “why should i bring anything, you’ve always got everything we need!”
• a pang like the toll of a bell vibrates through the cavity of your chest
• we - what about “we”, there’s no “we”, there’s just…….“friends”
• a sour taste in your mouth accompanies the thought and so you push it to the back of your mind
• “still - at least start bringing your own change of clothes, you’re too tall for any of my shirts.”
• “crop-tops are in though!”
• you stare down at the switchboard that operates the log flume - the buttons with scraping labels, the emergency stop button, the little cubbies below where people leave their phones
• the park is closing in thirty minutes and jungwoo has scampered off to hand in your ticket collection to the manager
• the summer evening is hovering between the last beams of light and suddenly - alone at the top of the ride - something shifts
• you unfile the thought you had before, the idea of what 'we’ means to you and jungwoo
• and you come to a daunting realization that, after only a couple of weeks of laughter and grueling minimum wage work, the statement “i think i like you too” is starting to take a new shape in your heart
• “hey - did you drown up there?”
• you lean over the side and see jungwoo below waving
• even with the distance the essence of his warm shine floats up and tickles at your cheeks.
• you swat it away, but it doesn’t work.
• “no - the log flume ghost caught me, i can’t come down.”
• you joke back and he salutes
• “wait there, i will come save you - i have fought that ghost once before!”
• he’s joking, but something flutters its wings when you hear him rush up the steps with all the seriousness of coming to get you. to save you.
• when he reaches you - you mask the weird flush climbing up your spine - and pretend to be flailing
• jungwoo gives you a kindergarten laugh as he joins in on the fun - a fake punch to the face of a fake ghost
• he grabs you around the waist and tugs you toward him, and inches from his face, you see something behind the childish glint in the brown of his eyes.
• he’s so handsome.
• “saved you! let’s get out of here or the manager will accuse us of trying to sneak in overtime.”
• the weight of his hands on you is only described as comforting, easy. so very easy.
• so even when he lets go and you are trailing behind him and the rest of the park employees after closing you miss it, you miss the touch of a friend who is becoming a lot more than just that.
• “jungwoo’s being switched to the lazy river starting today, that place is such a cease pool of idiocy that i need more coverage on it.”
• a groan escapes jungwoo before you can even process what the manager is saying
• “what? but i hate that place most of all - do you know how many random dads get into fights on that thing?”
• “am i going to be on log flume alone?”
• your voice is way calmer than you expect it to be and the manager makes a passive motion with his hand, “yep - and i trust you’ll handle it fine.”
• jungwoo’s look is apologetic and slightly bitter, you reach out to give him a pat on the shoulder, but your palm hovers above the fabric of his shirt before pulling embarrassingly back to your side
• either he doesn’t notice or he chooses not to say anything because jungwoo turns and trudges over to the other three people assigned to the river
• without jungwoo, the weird gnawing feeling of a summer crush only gets stronger, because now that he’s not glued to your side
• you miss him so terribly it almost makes you feel sick
• coupled with the boredom of being alone the entire day with strangers seems to just worsen the symptoms
• a week into the switch, you make the choice to visit jungwoo on your lunch break
• you arrive just in time to see the aftermath of one of those dad fights he had mentioned
• jungwoo is waist-deep in the water with two of those inflatable tubes on either side. he looks like he’s negotiating a war truce between two disgruntled generals and he hands the tubes back as the men disperse to their respective families with scowls on their faces
• jungwoo is also not wearing a shirt
• “lazy river is much more hands-on then log flume”
• the line of his back is lean and there are some healing bruises under his ribs which you can only assume are from his rather clumsy nature, the other thought of what could have caused them makes your head spin
• “hey - i see you’re literally in the trenches”
• jungwoo turns and runs a hand through his wet bangs to get a better look at you. the action shouldn’t make your knees feel like jelly.
• “i hate this place, come over here and dunk my head underwater please.”
• you squat down near the edge and jungwoo wades closer to you
• you place a brown paper bag beside you and motion to it
• “im assuming you still aren’t bringing your own lunches and are surviving off scraps from everyone else?”
• he grins, “you know me so well”
• i know i do - you think to say, but keep the words in your throat - i know i do, which is weird because we’ve been friends for a little over a month.
• “hows log flume?”
• “boring without you.”
• jungwoo whistles and you catch the way the sun makes every little drop of water on him glisten
• “ill stop by on my break since you stopped by on yours”
• a second of comfortable silence passes and jungwoo jumps up and out of the river with an ease
• he grabs the lunch you’ve brought and is about to say something when a whistle from the other side of the river catches your attentions
• “ugh this place is supposed to be lazy.”
• he complains and before he turns to the direction of the sound, he touches your cheek with the slightly wet palm of his hand
• “thanks for lunch, see you later.”
• the gesture haunts you.
• you even ask someone in the line for log flume what it means and she gives you a side glare that can only be conjured by a specific breed of mom.
• you try to google it, but nearly drop your phone into the water.
• jungwoo doesn’t come by that day - he actually only manages to visit you the next day.
• he shows up in his trunks, no shirt, and the towel he never gave back to you after he borrowed it over his shoulder
• “sorry, do you know how many kids get food poisoning and decide the riv-”
• you put up a hand to stop him from divulging details and jungwoo leans against the post that controls the ride as you wave off the next bunch of people
• you feel him watch you before he joins you and helps start lowering the bar for the next log that splashes its way into the starting point
• as you two go through the rows with practiced repetition
• you meet in the middle
• your hands both reach out to touch the bar, bringing it down over the laps of two young-looking middle schoolers who are pretending not to be holding hands
• one of them giggles as you and jungwoo’s fingers brush
• the slight pass of skin on skin feels like a burst of electricity
• stepping back to wave the group off - jungwoo slips in beside you and asks with a kind of strained sarcasm
• “who takes their date on the log flume?”
• “i think it’s cute.”
• jungwoo doesn’t miss a beat and that’s what nearly knocks you backwards
• “wanna go with me on our day off?”
• jungwoo asks you on a date.
• that you’re sure off. but why - that’s the part that does not click for you.
• so is it a friend thing - are the 'we’ on this 'date’ just two friends running around the water park they work at with the freedom of having to not do their jobs? are the 'we’ on this 'date’ something completely different?
• the nervousness makes you jump when jungwoo meets up with you at the bust stop and he doesn’t look or feel any different than usual
• you start to accept that your first thought is correct - this is a platonic date - nothing more
• until you get to the waterpark and put your things away and jungwoo pulls a small container from his bag
• “what’s that?”
• “you’re always taking care of me, i want to take care of you for once too.”
• he opens it and inside are some lopsided looking cookies
• “did you- jungwoo did you bake this?”
• he poke his tongue out, but nods
• “well, a friend who is a better cook than me helped.”
• they taste better than you could have imagined, you take a bite and understand that no something is definitely
• different
• friends don’t hold their other friends hand the entire day
• friends don’t lean into their other friends shoulder while waiting in the line for one of the rides and then biting softly down on the skin, kissing it after like an apologetic kitten
• and friends don’t kiss their other friends in the dark, shady corner where a line of vending machines have been abandoned behind the pretzel stand
• the infamous makeout spot that every water park employee buzzes about
• when your date comes to an end and you and jungwoo are waiting for the bus back, you keep touching your lips.
• jungwoo tastes like citrus when he kisses
• there are some things i don’t know about him
• you smile to yourself when his pinkie brushes yours and hooks up with it as the bus approaches
• i can’t wait to learn all of them
• it takes the manager exactly forty-eight hours to figure out you and jungwoo are dating.
• everyone else in the park gets the memo the minute you two step into the staff room.
• there’s a little pushback against it, just because there is some stupid company policy, but the manager claps you both on your backs and whispers that whatever - it is summer - kids should have fun during the summer.
• maybe the fun means sneaking kisses on lunch breaks, visiting each other on your off days, swapping shifts so you two can arrive and leave together
• the fun of having jungwoo nuzzle his wet face into the back of your neck as he complains about work
• the fun of having you trace patterns on his arm as you two wait for the bus home
• the fun of seeing each other outside of work, sprawling across his bedroom floor and talking about nonsense
• the fun of jungwoo’s features shifting from languid and sleepy to acute as you shift your weight ontop of him and let your hands flirt with the hem of his shirt
• “cover those up jungwoo, we are a family-friendly establishment”
• the manager mumbles, motioning to jungwoo’s neck with his pen
• you thin your lips and jungwoo huffs, slapping a bandage or two on the slightly puffed skin
• when the days get a little colder and the droves of families dwindle slowly, you know that your summer job is coming to an end
• on your last days, you have back your uniforms and whistles and the manager makes a speech about how much good work has been done and how he’s holding back his tears, but he’s sure he’ll see you next year
• jungwoo mutters that you two can’t come back here next year - you two should look into summer jobs at the mall or something
• your last walk from the park gates to the bus stop home is calm, even a little chilly. jungwoo drapes a hand around your shoulder and pulls you into him for the warmth.
• “we never got to go on the log flume together”
• you suddenly muse and jungwoo coaxes his mouth into a frown
• “you really want to go together on that contraption? it’s not even fun.”
• “it’s sentimental to us.”
• “that’s a weird thing to say.”
• he looks at you and you poke his cheek
• “it’s an eccentric thing to say.”
• a number of summers pass until you and jungwoo ever follow up on the notion
• actually, the one summer you two end up sitting together on the log flume, is not even at the water park from your memories
• it’s somewhere abroad
• you’re on vacation together and jungwoo claims you dragged him onto this thing
• but you see the little smile he tries to hide when the bar comes down
• the two teenagers working the ride brush their fingers as they do so, catching the look of shyness that passes from one to the other you giggle and take jungwoo’s hand in your own
• “what’s funny?”
• he asks and you tell him oh, nothing.
• the ride starts and just as the log reaches the end of the dip - you let out a small shout of excitement
• jungwoo joins you, but he doesn’t just make a sound. he says something.
• “i love you!”
• oh, i think i like you too - the sweet taste comes back.
• “i thin- i know i love you too!”

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jaehyun
exactly on time for the valentine boy!……..well…….
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle|kun|yukhei|doyoung

• how you end up here, you don’t know, but you blame johnny suh because when things get weird it’s usually his fault anyway
• johnny’s smile is a thousand and one watts - he reaches out to pass you the beat up guitar case and again, you don’t even take it by choice, it’s nudged into your hands before you can really even say a word
• “im not joining yourband.”
  
• “it’s not mine - it’s ours.”
  
• jungwoo twirls a drum stick between his fingers and grins from his spot on the garage couch
• “no johnny - we all know it’s yours.”
• your lips thin and the only reason you don’t fling the case to the floor is because you actually like the guitar that’s inside. 
• granted you haven’t seen it since middle school and it probably still has that horrible sticker on the back of it that you remember picking at until all the little pieces you got off were uncomfortably stuck under your nails.
• “guys - it’s summer. we have nothing better to do.”
• “says you, i got an engineering internship at samsung.” 
• jungwoo chirps again and you try not to roll your eyes
• we all know about the damn samsung internship dude.
• “yeah - and i have to work at the family bookstore.”
• mark lee walks in, holding as many redbulls as he can fit between his elbows, they spill out and onto the space beside jungwoo
• you listen to mark open one and johnny groan
• “ok you all have something to do, but we-” he motions behind him at you “don’t have anything to save us from the boredom that is about to take up two months of our youthful lives!”
  
• “hey-”
  
• you cut in and all three sets of eyes focus on you
• “i have something i want to do this summer.”
  
• johnny’s long figure straightens in anticipation while jungwoo cocks an eyebrow and mark gives you an encouraging smile
• “im not going to tell you what it is, but it’s definitely not starting a band with you guys.”
  
• you lean the guitar case against a nearby wall and add a half-hearted shrug
• “sorry.”
• the walk from johnny’s house to yours isn’t long, it takes about fifteen minutes if you’re really going slow. 
• plus you’ve done it so many times, you basically set your body to autopilot.
• you think about it - the thing you want to do this summer before you go away for university and home becomes a new place and a memory at the same time.
• you’re not known for being sentimental, johnny has even gone so far as to label you as a bit ‘apathetic’ . but still you know this is your last chance to really enjoy the place you grew up in.
• you turn the corner at the street that leads down to where you live and in the hot evening air you hear something
• it’s the sound of a bike, the pedaling is light but the frame must be old because it creaks a little when it slows down slightly to maneuver to the left and pass you.
• you look up and see a boy
• brown hair still wet from the pool or a shower maybe, dimples at the corners of his smile, the two sizes too big white shirt fluttering behind him in the breeze
• for what seems like longer than a second - you lock eyes - his match the color of autumn leaves and teddy bear fur 
• and for some weird reason can’t stop thinking about them even well after you get back home
• is he new in town? i’ve never seen him before?
• finally managing to shake off the curiosity, you fish the shoebox you’ve been keeping under your bed out and open it.
• inside there’s only three things so far: 
• a copy of your graduation photo, a copy of johnny’s graduation photo, and the prom invite ticket that has jungwoo’s chicken scrawl on the back (he was technically your date, because johnny got proportioned by half the seniors and mark was too nervous to ask if you’d take him)
• this is what you were talking about. this is what you want to spend summer doing.
• you want to spend it remembering, gathering fragments of your life so far in your hometown with your bestfriends, so that when you move on you have a tangible piece of the memories
• the reason you were keeping it a secret though was because…..even you had to admit…….this was a little much 
• and you had built yourself a little bit of a hard shell so imagining telling the people you knew that this was your summer plan 
• well, you could already hear johnny’s voice saying something like ‘hey, this isn’t a hallmark movie you sap and facetime exists. do you think im not gonna call you at 3 am from across the country like i do now anyway?’ 
• you close the box and tap your fingers on the top.
• tomorrow, i’ll start visiting all the important places.
• your phone pings and it sound echoes through the otherwise empty library. 
• a harsh shushing sound comes from the front desk and you quickly answer it, sliding down against one of the bookcases
• you’d come here to see if you could find that old series you loved as a kid, the magic treehouse, it’s the books you and johnny fought over when you first met each other years ago
• you abandon that though because poor mark sounds like he’s having a panic attack over the phone
• “hey, you need to get over here - johnny is holding auditions for a guitarist since you said you didn’t want to do the band”
  
• “ok, so what? it’s just auditions?”
  
• mark’s pleading gets louder, “it’s auditions with JOHNNY - he thinks this is eurovision or something i don’t know please i can’t reign him in and jungwoo’s at his internship - i am dying here!”
• you sigh, making it long so mark knows how annoyed you are
• “put him on.”
  
• mark’s voice drowns and johnny takes the phone from him
• “what did i say with conspiring with them? we are shunning them for quitting on the band! what do you mean you had no other options? what do you mean my egomania is coming out? - anyway hey whats up?”
  
• “stop torturing mark and all the poor kids that showed up to audition.”
  
• “first of all, im not torturing anyone. that would be illegal and distasteful, im just giving my constructive criticism. second of all, if you want to give orders like that then let’s make this a fare trade off. come over and help me judge - i mean hold the auditions and then i will cease my so called ‘torturing’ ala my ‘criticizing’.”
  
• you huff - fine, it’s one day out of the whole summer.
• “ok. but you better have snacks.”
  
• “do you think i wouldn’t provide refreshments? what kind of monster do you think i am?”
• there’s more people than you expect showing up to audition for this band. half of them are just there to sweet talk johnny or mark,  but the others are all just. bad. 
• you never knew how bad someone butcher playing an instrument, let alone a guitar, but you’ve had that eye opening experience today
• “how many people left?”
  
• you mutter, face first into your palms and looking up with happiness when mark says only one!
• “hey, im jung jaehyun.”
  
• you turn and see the boy from the bike, the one with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen, standing in the entry to johnny’s garage
• he’s carrying his own guitar case - black leather and well worn but loved
• “well jaehyun dude, i hope you can at least play the damn thing because i feel like no one in this town can!”
• johnny groans and you straighten up a little as jaehyun comes closer
• he sets himself up and you feel something inside your stomach turn when he bends down and you see a bit of the tanned skin of his back
• “im not amazing, but i can play some of the classics.”
  
• “wonderwall?” mark asks and johnny snips at him as you try to think of something to say, but suddenly….your brain is fuzzy
  
• “play anything!” 
  
• so jaehyun does, he plays, and he even sings and the fuzziness in your brain turns to white noise and the little drop in your stomach is a whole bundle of butterflies
• you barely realize the johnny is already befriending jaehyun and mark is staring at him with those big, impressed eyes
• when you get up and jaehyun smiles at you
• “so what do you play?”
  
• johnny throws an arm around your shoulder older brother style and rolls his eyes before you get a word in
• “you’re actually taking their spot because they’re too busy to be in the band.”
  
• something seems to cast a sad shadow over jaehyun’s features - “oh, you’re not going to play with us?”
• words float through your head, none of which you can grasp onto, so you just shake it instead and let johnny ramble on about your so called betrayal
• you look at your phone and of course it’s nearing ten and there’s no way you can go to any of the other places on your list so you motion to mark that you’re going to head home
• “oh - i have to go too.”
  
• jaehyun slings his guitar case over his shoulder, “but ill come by tomorrow for practice?”
• johnny shoots him a big grin and then haggles all the social media jaehyun has out of him
• you don’t know why you just don’t start walking - but somehow you end up leaving with jaehyun, making that left turn where you first passed each other
• “do you live on this street?”
  
• you jump a little as you nod, “yeah - i think i actually saw you yesterday. you were on your bike so you probably didn’t notice me.”
• there’s a polite distance between you two, but jaehyun is smiling when he answers
• “oh no, i definitely noticed you.”
• you end up thinking about those words the same way you couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes 
• except this time, instead of it lasting a day, the thought lasts nearly two and a half weeks
• it seems jaehyun is doing a good job fitting in with your friends, considering you don’t get anymore calls from mark 
• and you actually start to make progress on your summer project
• you manage to get some ticket stubs from old movies, an old science project you did that’s still hanging on the walls of the highschool (open for summer classes), and pressed flowers from ontop of a hill where you almost break your elbow back when you were a freshman
• you’re plunging yourself into your past, but weirdly enough every now and then you’ll remember that 
• oh no, i definitely noticed you
• the six little words make you feel giddier than whatever memento you’re seeking out to tuck into your shoebox
• you try to tell yourself it’s just because jaehyun is new - he’s new and the memory of him isn’t old enough to try and find anything to represent him by 
• and he kind of represents everything you’re nervous about - new places, new people, new friendships …… the prospect of a new love
• love? 
• you look up at the sky as you swing back and forth on the playground you’ve come to collect something from for your memory box 
• that’s ridiculous. i’ve had one conversation with him!
• you swing your legs back and forth, slowing down and you think twice about jumping off when suddenly you feels someone gently push your back
• the swing goes a little higher and you turn your head in surprise to see
• “j-jaehyun?”
  
• he smiles and his dimples greet you before he does
• “i saw you on my way back from johnny’s.”
  
• he gives you another soft push and you hear that fuzzy noise that always turns the gears in your brain when you try to say something around him
• “is - is johnny being nice?”
  
• is all you can muster and jaehyun laughs, the sound melodic but low, just the way the baritone of his voice is when he sang
• “very nice, but he is a lot to handle sometimes.”
  
• you kick your legs down and dig your heels into the grass a little, jaehyun grabs the two chains of the swings to help you stop it
• when you turn you notice his bike is laying a couple of feet away and so is his guitar
• “what about the band stuff?”
  
• “johnny is trying to write songs and stuff, but actually mark is the one that i think has the talent for it.”
• you can’t help but feel the corner of your mouth lift up a little, he already knows the two of them pretty well.
• “what about you - do you write songs or music?”
  
• jaehyun lifts his bike back up and you take the guitar case to help him
• before you know it - you and him are walking side by side again 
• “a little, but it’s more about playing the guitar for me. that’s the part that makes me happy.”
  
• you play with your fingers behind your back, old nervous habits rising to the surface
• “by the way - why did you not want to be part of the band? johnny said you were busy with something but you didn’t say what.”
  
• you stop 
• i should lie, make something up.
• jaehyun stops too and the sounds of the bike wheels and footsteps float off into the air
• but for some reason, i don’t want to lie. not to him.
• “im……leaving after the summer, going to school in another place. so im spending my summer kind of…..im kind of cataloging this place. this town. i’m doing the whole put your memories in a shoebox thing which is so-”
  
• “awesome! i think it’s awesome that you want a part of your home with you, sometimes people are way too excited to get away from their roots.”
  
• you look at jaehyun, who returns the look with a comforting warmth you’ve never experienced before.
• it’s a different comfort than the one you get from your friends or your family, it makes your heart beat flutter - slow for a second, then so fast you think your body can’t keep up
• he starts walking again and you do too
• the silence isn’t weird. it’s a conversation in it’s own way between your two bodies.
• when you get to your house - you look at jaehyun again and you have two thoughts
• one is that you should kiss him. because he looks so…..kissable.
• the second, the one you ultimately choose, is to widen your eyes and go:
• “promise you won’t tell the others about it though, they would not let me live it down.”
  
• jaehyun laughs and hooks his pinkie with yours - his skin soft under the setting sun - “i promise.”
• and after being caught up in thinking about jaehyun’s eyes, or the way he speaks, you find yourself in the same repeating cycle again
• this time. it’s your regret. 
• you should have chose option one, because it’s looking like another opportunity to kiss jung jaehyun is not coming any time soon.
• and like the two times before, you throw yourself into your summer project to try and not think about it 
• (although you do, multiple times throughout the day, at one point blushing at the image of what could have happened if you DID kiss him and then getting snapped at by the angry man at the local deli)
• another couple of weeks pass and you swing by johnny’s because it’s a location on your summer memory list and also….
• you are curious about how the band is going …
• and you kind of a little want to see jaehyun again……
• you arrive and hear jungwoo’s voice to your surprise, followed by the sound of drums and johnny’s sharp “stop, stop, STOP!”
• “jungwoo, what is going on - did working at samsung make you into a robot who can only produce code and not drum to save his life?”
• “what do you know about drumming johnny? or coding? or anything in general?”
  
• “hey watch the attitude, you’re embarrassing me in front of jaehyun.”
  
• jungwoo snorts and you try to hide your own laugh but everyone turns to you just in time for you to hiccup it back
• “ah - the traitor is here!” 
• johnny sings and jaehyun gives him a soft elbow to the ribs
  
• “what’s up?” 
  
• mark smiles from his place at the keyboard and you cross your arms
• “nothing, hows it going - book any shows? write an album yet?”
• “actually, we did book a gig for your information”
  
• johnny waltz his way from the microphone and to a stack of flyers from his couch
• he hands you one and this time you do burst out into laughter
• the flyer, pink and way over the top, is an invitation to johnny’s end of the summer party
• well it’s actually his going away party his parents have planned for him, since he’s also leaving for school
• “johnny - you didn’t book a gig. you’re playing your own party.”
  
• “the parents are shelling out twenty dollars to each of us so money makes it a gig.”
  
• you look at jaehyun who secretly rolls his eyes
• “sure, sure. can i keep one of these?” 
  
• you fold the flyer and slip it into your pocket, this will make a good addition to the shoebox
• “oh are you going to put it in-”
  
• jaehyun starts and you rush over, hand flying over his mouth as the three other people in the garage stare
• “going to put it in……the trash. yes. going to throw it right out because really johnny did you use paint-”
  
• johnny flips you off in the kindest, best friend way possible
• you let go of jaehyun and throw him a look that he mouths an apology too
• somehow, instead of leaving, you end up staying and listening to them practice
• you consider it a break from your project and the day is filled with what you’d expect from all of them, laughter and jokes and banter that is only ok between the closest of people
• when they finally finish practice and jungwoo and mark accept a gracious ride home from mr. suh 
• you say you’ll be off too and jaehyun trots up right behind you, “ill walk with you.”
• this time, you hear less of the fuzz in your head and can actually keep up a decent conversation without staring at jaehyun’s lips
• you feel closer because of the time you spent today and you almost walk past your house until jaehyun points to the porch
• “oh by the way. can i see what you have in the shoebox?”
  
• you look over your shoulder at him, “like right now?”
• he gives a casual shrug
• “is that ok?”
  
• and now jung jaehyun is standing in your room. well he’s standing in it and then he’s sitting on your bed and rummaging through some of the most personal memories you have.
• his long fingers pulling out ticket stubs or notes you passed in class
• he chuckles at the graduation photo of johnny and dangles yours over your head when he refuses to give it back 
• you tackle him for it and he falls down against your sheets and you make the worst (or arguably best) mistake of your life
• when you straddle his hips and rich out to grab it
• only to look down and see him splayed open like the pages of a beautiful book
• and you remember your regret
• it makes your head spin, but you watch in slow motion as the photo falls from between his fingers and you lean down to catch it, but jaehyun presses up and catches your mouth with his.
• it’s sloppy, awkward - but only for the first few seconds - until you can both adjust yourselves from your position and do it right and then it is 
• astonishing
• because it feels like you’re kissing someone you’ve been kissing for years. decades. millennia’s. eons. 
• it feels like you and jaehyun have been doing this since the big bang.
• since humans first came to exist. 
• since, gosh you don’t know, since pangea freaking broke apart.
• you make out for so long that you lose track of time and it gets late to the point where the darkness of the summer almost makes you ask him to stay over
• but jaehyun is just so mannerly that he slips out the back door of your house with a final kiss and a promise to call
• which he follows up on earlier than you expect, showing up on your doorstep to take you out for breakfast
• only to end up with you two back in your room an hour later, kissing again, and again, and with more hands and less of his shirt or yours.
• the only thing that unglues you from him is his phone ringing for what must be the tenth time
• “it’s johnny”
  
• you breath against jaehyun’s neck finally
• “how do you know?”
  
• “only he calls ten times in a row.”
  
• and like your summer project, you don’t tell your friends about what’s going on between you two
• jaehyun says it’s kind of hard to hide the obvious evidence on his body - but you tell him to say it was your other neighbor, or someone from another town
• jaehyun agrees just because you pull the doe eye trick on him and he really is learning he can’t say no to that or to you in most situations
• but everytime before and after band practice - he’s with you
• sometimes he joins you on your little visits to the places still on your lists
• when you tell him the sentimental value behind them, you get a little fidgety because being vulnerable is hard 
• but jaehyun listens and he says that each memory of yours he gets to watch you relive, helps him learn something about you
• you don’t say it out loud - but hearing that makes you want to cry and kiss him and cry again 
• an other times, you two don’t do anything heartwarming or special, you just roll around with him, tangled up in one until he has to go
• with each day, summer comes closer to 
• and end but you fall deeper into each other at a pace that might be alarming if it was any other two humans but the both you
• and before you know it - it’s the day of johnny’s end of summer slash going away party 
• jaehyun is supposed to be there from like nine in the morning but he stops at your place before he bikes over
• kissing your forehead he drops something in your palm
• you open it to see his guitar pick 
• “won’t you need this for when you play?”
  
• “i’m using my backup. i just thought you might want to put that one in your shoebox……..since it could remind you of me……”
  
• he flushes and you bite back your lip, part of you is happy because he’s just so cute it isn’t fair but the other is coming to the daunting idea that 
• soon enough - im leaving too, will jaehyun just be another memory to me?
• instead of dwelling on it, you peck him again and ask, 
• “ill see you at the party?”
  
• the party is most definitely a johnny suh party
• the food is amazing, everyone on the planet is invited, and johnny is wearing something so bright it beats out the sun
• when you arrive, his mother spends half an hour asking you to take care of him when he finally leaves and you don’t remind her that you’re going to two different places
• you don’t see jaehyun or mark or jungwoo around - you assume they’re practicing somewhere for the performance while johnny is juggling both front lead singer and host
• the party is fun - it really is - but the words “going away” somehow still make you a little sick
• you’re about to escape to somewhere a little quieter, when you hear someone tap the mic on the makeshift stage in johnny’s backyard
• you see him - and the rest of the band - gather on as johnny introduces them and shouts excitedly that this song they’re going to perform, written by keyboardist mark, is all about new beginnings!
• jaehyun finds you in the crowd, a secret little smile on his lips before the music starts and to your surprise - and probably everyone elses - they actually do pretty good
• the lyrics are so very mark, but johnny brings a flare to the way he sings it
• jungwoo seems to have remembered how much he adores drumming again and the way jaehyun looks playing guitar is so enticing that you can’t help but feel a little pride in the fact that you’ve been tasting all of that for most of the summer
• the sick feeling in your stomach turns into excitement which turns into just pure enjoyment as you watch your friends and your boyfriend up there having fun
• when it’s over and they hop down to mingle back into the rest of the party, you really can’t help yourself and throw your arms around jaehyun
• you kiss him - which earns a gasp from mark, a half smirk from jungwoo, and a loud clearing of his throat from johnny
• you and jaehyun admit what’s been going on and when johnny just whistles you ask him if he’s not mad
• “even if i was mad, you would still keep liking each other right - so what’s the point?” 
• you hug johnny, and mark, and jungwoo, and like nothing has changed you all fall back into the swing of it
• the comfort of being around each other
• when you five are the last people in johnny’s messy background you finally decide to tell them all about your summer project
• “i knew you’d all say it was lame so i-”
• “hey hey hey - it isn’t lame. it’s not what i expect but i get why you’d want to do it.”
• johnny pats your shoulder and you feel jaehyun’s hand on the small of your back
• it’s the kind of moment you want to never end. 
• really, you just want this summer to never end.
• but when it does - when the day comes for the temperature to drop and for you to be on your way to a new place
• you feel the sadness come in a big wave
• johnny, mark, jungwoo, and jaehyun all come to say goodbye and you hold the shoebox in your hands - now heavy and filled to the brim with all your memories
• before you say it though, each of them adds something
• jungwoo drops his samsung internship ID into it
• mark places the paper he wrote the draft of the lyrics to the song they performed at the party into it
• and johnny chucks a burned CD version of it into the mix
• finally, turning to jaehyun, you take in a deep breath
• “i know the distance will be big so if you want to break up and-”
  
• he kisses you before you can finish your sentence and slips a small box that you don’t open until you’re already in your new dorm
• inside is a small bracelet, engraved on the inside are the words
• “i definitely noticed you. it was love at first sight”
  
• years later - jaehyun says those words again
• as he’s reading his vows 
• and you’re feeling the fuzziness, the butterflies, the comforting warmth, everything like a tsunami of all the things that are you and jaehyun
• and when johnny shows up to present the rings to you two
• they’re in that old shoebox 
• two little bands at the bottom of all those memories
• at the reception, you lean over and whisper to your now husband
• “where did you find that old thing by the way?”
• jaehyun nuzzles his lips against the cusp of your ear as you watch jungwoo and mark make fools of themselves on the dance floor 
• “under the bed, where you put everything you care about.”

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au doyoung
late birthday post for mr. kim! i am never on time for these posts, apologies. 
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle|kun | yukhei

• a sinking feeling has you rooted to the floor. staring at the lock of your front door as someone knocks politely over and over again.
• “what are you doing?”
• your mother’s voice gusts past you like a breeze, she leans over your frozen figure and turns the knob.
• you step back to avoid being hit by the door and dread the light that washes over your mothers face
• “doyoung! come in!”
  
• he steps through and all you catch is a bit of side profile, hidden behind the gigantic plant he’s holding
• “oh! that’s the orchid your mother was just up in a fit about? come here sweetie, place it on the kitchen table -”
  
• his footsteps echo and you shrink a little, he didn’t even look at me. 
• you’re thankful for your mothers insolent obsession with being a good host and trudge your way back to your room
• doyoung is in your house. 
• which is weird, the first time he was in your house - you knew, obviously, but he was uninvited. your mother didn’t welcome him through the door.
• now - for the past month - after both his mother and yours had come to a unbreakable bond over their indoor houseplants 
• doyoung has very much been a presence, an invited presence, a presence everyone but you seemed to be delighted about
• “he’s such a nice boy, he’s spending his summers tutoring younger kids and i see him biking all around town.”
  
• your mother gushes almost every time at dinner after doyoung leaves - delivering whatever ailing plant his mother has sent to yours to fix and play botanist with
• you pick at your food
• yeah, he’s a nice boy. that’s what makes this all so much worse.
• now - you’re laying on your sheets with your hand on your stomach and staring up at the wall thinking very much the same thought.
• he’s so nice, and so perfect, and everything anyone ever dreams of. why am i such an idiot for not wanting that?
• you drum your fingers and again spiral back into the memory that keeps itself wedged between you and him like a piece of food that’s stuck so sternly between teeth, no pushing at it with your tongue helps.
• summer starts in ten days, officially you know - by the university calendar.you’re supposed to be focusing on a final paper for some elective politics class you took, but you’re not. you’re staring at the back of doyoung’s neck. he sits in front of you for most lectures.
• “hey, do you know anything about this military-first politics and nuclear armament essay prompt the professor gave us?”
  
• doyoung turns slowly, blinking at you from behind his thin-wired classes, “yeah - it’s been the topic of discussion and reading for like a week.”
• you know you sound kind of stupid to even ask - but you will admit, politics isn’t your thing and it seems to really be doyoungs - so you smile, with a please pity me kind of look in your eye. doyoung sighs, but he gets up and slides into the seat beside you - opening up the half blank word document on your laptop.
• that’s it. that’s all it was going to be. doyoung helping you skid by, so that your summer isn’t ruined by a shitty grade. 
• but that’s not what happens. at all. 
• doyoung instead spends a lot of time helping you write a good enough paper to pull through a B-. 
• that means a lot of alone time in the library, in study hall, in the empty halls of the school buildings where classes have ended and no one is around.
• it’s a lot of being shoulder to shoulder with him, realizing how nice he always smells - how long his fingers are when they type - how he doesn’t have a significant other because no one except his friends ever end up interrupting you.
• it’s the day after you get your grades for the semester, something about getting the paper back sparks a fire in you
• you scope doyoung out at the coffeeshop and exclaim that you and him did it!
• a couple of heads whip around, did it?, you quickly add some mumbling about the paper.
• doyoung laughs, it’s the first time you’ve heard the genuine sound, because most of the time he just makes a half-sided smirk or chuckle.
• you buy him an iced latte as repayment and somehow end up walking out of there with side by side.
• doyoung asks if you live near by if you don’t dorm, you say you do. he does too. that’s weird - you’ve never seen him around the neighborhood.
• after that you pretend it’s a blur. because truth be told it isn’t.
• you and doyoung are going to be taking the same train anyway, why not take it together. you and doyoung are going to know the same little places around town, why not talk about them.
• why not? why not? why not? 
• why not invite him inside when you’re back in your hometown, why not lead him up to your room just so he can see it and why not kiss him when he leans over you.
• people your age do it all the time, they hookup. that’s the only answer to that stupid hanging ‘why not?’
• so when you felt doyoung’s fingers graze down your side and he’d clumsily gotten his glasses off just in time for you to pull his shirt up over his head 
• you were convinced it meant nothing. you were convinced he thought the same.
• then it all happens and you can’t take it back. 
• especially not the part where you’re laying on your bed, just like you are now, waiting for doyoung to start gathering his things and instead a hand loops around your sweaty waist.
• “aren’t you going to leave?”
  
• the words blurt out of your mouth before you even think about it. 
• the tension that stalled in the room had been so horrible you swore you’d felt it seep into every pore, damn near trickling itself down the walls.
• doyoung had darkened, pulled himself away from you, and disappeared before you could string together your next thought.
• part of you had been relieved, the other part felt like the biggest asshole on the planet.
• you were just grateful the rest of the summer could easily be passed by keeping away from each other - until your mother had found her new best friend.
• downstairs you can hear doyoung shuffling around with your mothers plants, you can’t make out what they’re saying, but you’re sure your mother is inviting him to stay and eat with you. asking doyoung about his amazing future plans to become a lawyer. enthralled by everything he is as a child and that you, most likely, are not.
• when he finally leaves and the commotions die down you can’t get up
• this is the most confusing moment. 
• not the whole ignoring each other when he pops over, not the whole reliving the past from just a glimpse. 
• it’s why - when it happened, you had been so content with it just staying nothing - you had been the one to make that decision for the both of you
• yet
• why does it seem like you’re wallowing in it, clinging to it, imaging it all over
• every time he comes over
• because you didn’t just want a hook-up. you wanted doyoung and were playing it off because having a crush on him isn’t worth it right?
• your mind coils itself through a storm
• you thought he only wanted to sleep with you too, because the thought of someone as good as doyoung liking you just doesn’t make sense?
• despite the summer heat, you feel cold
• you’re not good enough to actually be liked, to be the person doyoung chooses for something more than just your-
• your phone rings and you sit up so fast it gives you a headache, you feel around and bring it to your ear without checking the number
• “hello?”
  
• “our mothers are trying to set us up on a date.”
  
• you want to be anywhere in the world, but here. 
• doyoung’s blank expression doesn’t let you know if he feels the same, but the way he won’t get in at least eight feet of you is telling enough.
• you’re in his backyard, well technically you’re in his neighbors backyard, because he doesn’t want to be visible behind the hedges
• rather be caught dead than be next to me, right? 
• you shrill at yourself and try to bury the wince you make internally
• “i think you should just tell them you have another boyfriend.”
  
• “i can’t lie to my mother.”
  
• you start and doyoung watches you chew on your lower lip and retreat defensively a step back
• “why not?”
  
• “she’s noisy - she’ll find out. she’ll insist until i die to meet this ‘other boyfriend’. plus i’m not a good liar.”
• “really? could have fooled me.”
  
• doyoung straightens himself as he says that, eyes unblinking behind the frames of his glasses
• i probably deserve that. well actually-
• “doyoung, i never promised you anything when we-”
  
• the words wilt and doyoung suddenly looks over his shoulder.
• “you’re right, you never promised me anything. im the one who was a fool for ever thinking it was something.”
  
• you look at the grass. 
• you wonder, if you had not said that one sentence - aren’t you going to leave - would this summer be different?
• would you and doyoung be spending every second together, holding each other at the beach? kissing under the fireworks? sharing ice-cream and diving into pools filled of water and your laughter?
• the thought blooms something in your chest
• i wish - i wish it was that.
• “you say i should lie, but you’re pretty good at it too doyoung.”
  
• “excuse me?”
  
• “it’s not like you - it’s not like you really wanted it to be anything more than it was.”
  
• you think the grass is going to burst into flames with how hard you’re concentrating on it.
• “what, you’re telling me-” you swallow “you’re telling me you actually wanted to be with me after? our mothers are trying to get us to go on a date and you called me out here just to avoidthat.”
  
• he leans forward
• “if you are trying to make me the only guilty party here-”
  
• he’s closer and you feel your voice shake a little, but you try to push to the end of your thought.
• “im not, you never made any effort to make it seem like you had any genuine emotion so am i so wrong for just assuming it was just se-”
  
• his hands, large and gentle, manage to find your shoulders and doyoung presses his lips to yours 
• you stiffen from the external shock, but then relax under the light grip
• his breath smells sweet, like he’s been chewing bubblegum, he’s wearing the same cologne he does at university
• “i don’t just sleep with people.” 
  
• he whispers against your mouth
• “nothing against it, but i don’t think there’s a point to sharing something intimate with someone who i don’t want in every possible way.”
  
• when you and doyoung agree to go on a date - both your mothers lose it. they’re convinced you’re soulmates.
• although you and doyoung both agree they’re thinking way too far ahead in the future - it doesn’t mask the fact that the attraction that ends up forming between you two is undeniable
• doyoung is so determined and intently goal orientated that you would think there isn’t the capacity to have fun in one bone in his body, but that’s not true
• when he’s comfortable, he’s charming and full of humor - he makes you double over with laughter more than you could have imagined
• and you aren’t as spacey and shy as doyoung might have assumed either, you have a competitive streak and you make doyoung feel like this is the summer of his life
• the summer of his life that someone could probably make a decent coming of age film out of
• he brings it up after you two exit a movie that was just about the same topic and you look down at your hands intertwined and shake your head
• “no they’d never cast the right people to play us.”
  
• doyoung sees the reflection of the milky way in your eyes, but he doesn’t say it
• “no one on this planet is like you.”
  
• he returns this sentiment with a small kiss that bumps this glasses against the bridge of your nose.
• you get nervous sometimes when you think about how the summer started, it’s not like you’re living in the middle ages where intimacy is a sin before eternal commitment or anything
• no you just get nervous because the reason you ever even made that situation as bad as it was, was because of your insecurity
• does doyoung actually like me? did two weeks of being together at school make him realize something about me is worth it?
• you can’t ask him that - even though sometimes you want to, so you can explain why you hadn’t just rolled over and nuzzled yourself into the dip of his chest
• much like you do now - you fit so perfectly right between his arms
• instead it sometimes gnaws at you until doyoung is cleaning his glasses over your sink and you’re sitting in the bathtub looking at him
• your parents are ironically over at doyoungs for some wine party or whatever and although your mothers are in awe about you two being “a cute lil couple” 
• they see that - cute, part of it makes you snort. you and doyoung sometimes act more mature than they do.
• “i always knew you were staring at me in lecture.” he starts and a little smirk pulls at his long lips
• you flick some of the water at him and he leans against the counter
• he doesn’t like baths, he prefers showers, but he still stays in the room with you when you take them 
• “i wasn’t staring at you.”
  
• “you were staring at the back of my neck.”
  
• you look away because fair, not like he spends a lot of time looking away from the professor.
• “so i knew you liked me, or something about me. that’s why it hurt.”
  
• “when we-”
  
• “yes and i like being logical, so not having a real answer for why that all happened like it did still haunts me.”
  
• he tilts his head and you see the line of his thin collarbones through his shirt
• “i thought you’d say it first.”
  
• he blinks
• “i thought you’d say something like, that was cool. ill see you at uni come fall. and then leave. so i mean, i didn’t even say go leave - i asked, aren’t you going to leave?”
  
• doyoung is smart so he gets what you’re saying in the most roundabout way possible
• he walks over and squats down, leans over the ridge of the bath to kiss you and doesn’t complain when you bring your soapy hands up to cradle his neck
• “im sorry i did leave, i should have just said what i felt right there.” 
  
• he mutters and you nod. you should have said it too.
• when you and doyoung graduate and he goes on to law school and you start working, you almost break up - twice - because of the stress
• but somehow neither of you can ever ask the other one
• aren’t you going to leave?
• because neither of you ever really wants to.
• so you don’t, you stay through all the hardships, through every argument and bump in the road. 
• you stay, you choose to stay and so does he and you might not even fall asleep next to each other on some days but the heat of the person you love is always there.
• and then doyoung gets his first big promotion at his job, runs all the way home with the news and ends up breathing hard and talking nonsense to you in your shared kitchen
• “you need a shower.”
  
• you say, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he shakes his head, no. he needs a bath.
• you lean back against his chest, stronger and broader as he’s aged. 
• he looks down at you and even the eyebags that have gotten darker with all that work he does don’t do anything to make him less attractive
• you peck his chin, because it’s what you can reach.
• “if we sit here any longer we’re going to prune.”
  
• “are you going to be the first one to leave?”
  
• he asks and you shake your head. 
• you’ll sit here forever if that’s what it takes.
• on the counter of the bathroom, there’s one of the houseplants your mothers keeps shipping to you. 
• you don’t notice that it’s the same orchid that doyoung carried into your house all those years ago, when you thought he hadn’t even looked at you when your mother opened the door.
• he curls a strand of your wet hair around his finger.
• he had looked at you, quickly, but he had done it. 
• even half covered by orchid leaves, you’d made his mouth dry. 
• “no seriously though - we will prune.”
  
• “i’ll get up if you get up?”
  
• i’ll never leave, the only way i’ll leave is if it means im taking you with me. 

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au yukhei 
happy (not tooooo late at all, for a change lol) birthday yukhei!~
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle |kun

• “that’s the worst sound i have ever heard in my life.”
• you stand up too fast from behind the counter and bump your head with an ouch before looking to see what sicheng is complaining about now
• outside the window of the cafe, you see a group of laughing boys and the bright, loud dirt bikes they’ve started riding around town
• the sound of the engines and skidding tires managing to make their way through the windows
• you wipe your hand on the front of your uniform’s apron and shrug
• “i think they’re kind of cool.”
  
• sicheng swivels around on the creaky bar stool, a script open halfway through is laying beside his iced-coffee
• “extreme sports is just the polite way to say hey, this shit will get you killed”
• you roll your eyes and check the clock that hangs above the display of baked goods and menu - almost eight, so almost time to close
• you point it out to sicheng who packs his things up, you go over to help an elderly regular clean up their table and when the customer leaves you tell sicheng he doesn’t have to wait up for you
• he throws his bag over his shoulder and looks over his shoulder at the parked dirt bikes 
• “hey, if one of them bothers you when you’re locking up just call me.”
  
• “im pretty sure they’re not even going to notice me.”
  
• sicheng still frets as he slips out of the door
• you hum as you fall into your end of the day routine. you’ve been working here part-time through university, but with summer coming around, you’ve come on full-time
• it’s a lot of work for one person, but the boss trusts you like their own children, and you actually enjoy having the quiet responsibility of locking up
• you sweep the floor, put away all of the left over food and milk in the fridge, check the register and print-out the sales for the day
• your last task is to close all of the blinds, the cafe always has them up in the summer, the tops open to let a slight breeze in when it coasts by
• as you go through each them, you finally reach the last one that faces directly out of the front of the cafe. out onto sidewalk across.
• it’s right in front of the intersection where the sidewalk turns into the boardwalk, and there’s a bike rack and some parking spots
• the dirt bikes have all been left there, tires soiled with wear and sand
• beside one of the bikes, a sleek red bodied one with various silver accents, stands a lone figure
• in the summer heat, he’s still got leather gloves on that clutch the matching colored helmet in one hand, long jeans and lace up heavy boots 
• the only breathable part of his outfit is the white tank top that clings to the obviously toned lines of his upper body
• a silver chain hangs around his neck, the links look so small on his overall broad figure, but they still shine against his sun kissed skin
• he chews on the end of a toothpick and staring -
• you step back slightly - he’s staring right at you
• something in your stomach feels off, the crossing wires of concern and shock tell you to enter a state of heightened awareness
• scurrying back to your work, you tell yourself you are just seeing things. you should listen to sicheng, finish quickly and hurry home.
• the summer sun is quietly being pushed out by the summer moon by the time you lock the front door of the cafe and drop the keys into your bag
• you turn around and whisper a small - shit! - when the figure from before is still there
• he’s probably waiting for his friends, but sicheng was all wound up about them so now i am to- oh wait i think he’s coming over here!
• and you’re right, the figure looks both ways before he crosses the street and jogs easily up to you
• suddenly your hand itches to fish those keys out of your bag because what can a guy (a very handsome guy, up close) on a dirt bike have to do with you-
• “hi - do you work in the cafe?”
  
• he asks, voice deeper than you expect, his eyes are large and the color of autumn chestnuts
• “um-yes?”
  
• he sees the way your shoulders are tensed and he immediately retracts himself a step backwards
• he puts his hands up, helmet still in his right, “oh right - sorry to scare you, i was just asking because ive seen you around-” 
• something like a flush coats under his cheeks
• “wait - that sounds weird too, i just meant to say that i think you’re - that i wanted to know your name is all….”
  
• you blink, your shoulders don’t relax completely, but you can tell there isn’t any bad intent coming from him
• “well, what’s your name first.”
  
• he stands up taller and grins, white teeth almost blinding in the dusk
• “wong yukhei! i came here for the summer with some of my buddies.”
  
• he tilts his head toward the bikes and you nod, saying only your first name - sichengs cautiousness seeping into your own
• yukhei repeats it, with an almost a bit of a goofyness in his smile when he does
• “well - ill see you around then?”
  
• you aren’t sure what to make of the situation, so you just shrug - “maybe?” - he seems satisified with this answer though, and crosses back to his bike
• you don’t know why, but you feel embarrassed just standing there, so you shuffle your feet and start your walk home
• at some point you turn to look over your shoulder, right at the corner that you have to take, but when you do - yukhei and his bike are gone
• “really? see, this is why i should stay while you lock up.”
  
• sicheng’s eyebrow twitches as you finish telling him what happened
• it’s the next day, and it’s noon - right when the days get the hottest and most of the cafe’s customers are just coming in for the free air conditioning
• “i don’t think he’s dangerous, i think he just wanted to say hi.”
  
• you answer, fixing what must be the twentieth order for shaved ice-cream
• the slices of strawberry fall gently onto the heap, and you place two pairs of the forks beside the dish
• carrying it carefully to the pick up counter, you call out the order number and watch as a young couple - still dressed in their beach attire - comes up together, unable to break apart for even a second
• you smile at them and return to sicheng, taking his empty glass and turning to fill it up with ice 
• “you can think he’s not dangerous, but any idiot who owns a death trap like a dirtbike-”
  
• “sicheng, it’s like a normal bike but with an engine. it’s like a car but without the-”
  
• “thesafety, without the safety. really - i didn’t think you’d be the type to be into bad guys like that.”
  
• you make a pfft sound with your lips, filling the glass with water and setting it down beside him
• “first off, im not into anyone - i talked to him once. and just because they like bikes, doesn’t make them bad - you’ve been reading too many of those cliché scripts.”
  
• sicheng makes his own sound of disapproval, but takes the drink you offer and brings the straw to his lips
• you get busy with other customers, at some point kun and xiaojun turn up and distract sicheng
• the whole time you work, something in you keeps making you stop to look out of the window
• last night, the row of bikes had been there, but now they’re gone - maybe they’re not coming into town tonight?
• you reprimand yourself every time you do look, because really it is just like you said to sicheng - yukhei was just saying hi. 
• finally it’s time for you to close the cafe again
• the only reason sicheng doesn’t stay is because kun drags him somewhere else and if there’s anyone more stubborn than sicheng, it’s the elder of the pair
• you take your time - calling the boss to let him know you’re leaving 
• “did that group of loud boys wreck havoc again?”
  
• “group of boys?”
  
• “the ones on those bikes, not motorcycles the other ones-”
  
• your hand gets a little sweaty as it holds the phone
• “no, they didn’t come around today.”
• “good. be safe going home.”
  
• you think about the conversation as you subconsciously start walking after you lockup 
• there’s a way to get home that’s faster, and much safer, but there’s a longer way too - that has you walk most of the boardwalk
• really, it’s still safe - because of summer the beach is as bright as a movie screen till midnight - but you avoid it for the crowd and the noise
• your feet urge you to turn at your usual corner, but you don’t, you make way to the little stairs that lead from the sidewalk and onto the old wooden boardwalk
• there are lots of people still about, packing their things up from their time at the beach or coming to stroll by the waves when the sand isn’t burning under their feet
• groups of friends, smiling strangers, couples with kids or without 
• everyone is enjoying their summer, and you almost feel out of place because your summer is going just as you thought it would. completely uneventful. long days at the cafe, lonely nights in your room
• “oh?”
  
• you hear your name suddenly and turn your head left to see yukhei leaning against one of the benches
• on the bench are what look like some of his fellow friends, some have those moto jackets you’ve only seen on tv  hanging off their shoulders and others are drinking out of cups and swinging the keys to their bikes around their fingers
• yukhei comes over to you and everyone in his crew throws a look over their shoulder
• you blink when he stops in front of you - right, you think, he’s pretty tall
• “are you getting off work?”
  
• “yep”
  
• “it’s really late, your boyfriend doesn’t ever walk you home?”
  
• “boyfriend?” 
  
• you retort almost sarcastically, because where did the sudden idea that you - walking alone on a boardwalk made for summer romance - have a boyfriend
• yukhei scratches the back of his neck and you notice some scrapes on his elbows
• “oh there’s the guy - in the cafe with you all the time, he glares a lot - uh-”
  
• “sicheng? oh no, he’s a friend.” you can’t help but chuckle “but you’re right he doesn’t smile often.”
  
• yukhei seems to suddenly beam at the confirmation, which makes something inside of you feel a little warm, but awkward so you point to his injuries
• “bike accident?”
  
• he pokes at the yellowing flesh and winces, “yeah. but it happens a lot.”
• “it seems like a dangerous sport, do you not mind getting hurt?”
  
• the question is more curiosity than anything - you’re not trying to be mocking or even mean - and yukhei can tell from the way you’re still casting a concerned look at his other arm for evidence of any other “accidents”
• “i mean i mind it, but i love it too much to give up” 
• yukhei laughs and it sounds nice, pleasant - people with good laughs tend to have good hearts
  
• “and im not really good at anything else. like if i was to be a waiter in a cafe like you, id probably hurt myself a lot more than i do on a dirt bike”
  
• you want to correct him, you’re technically not a waiter - but a barista - but you stop because you are slightly transfixed by the kindness that glows from him 
• you’ve never seen someone else radiate so……positively
• suddenly one of his friends calls out his name, asks if he’s going to join them as they head back to get their bikes
• yukhei looks at you before he answers - “i could walk you home, since it is late.”
• “that’s ok, thank you for offering.” you push your hands behind your back a little as you tell him goodnight, before you’re a couple of steps away someone from his group shouts out
• “yukhei’s not only good with dirt bikes - he’s a good kisser too-”
  
• by the sound of it, yukhei jumps on his friend and tells him to shut up! you hear the aftermath of the scuffle, but don’t turn around as you giggle to yourself
• a couple of times after that, you see yukhei simply in passing
• sometimes you’re in the middle of your shift and he walks by the window with his friends, he looks up and sees you and waves - but he doesn’t come in
• you wave back every time and a part of you pinches when he the door doesn’t open after
• other times, you’ll see him after work - or you’ll hear his bike somewhere and he slows down to ask how work is before speeding off to catch up with friends
• little bits and pieces of interactions, never anything more than that 
• you don’t really tell sicheng about it either, he grumbles enough about the noise they make and the other things he doesn’t like so you decide not to bother even though he’s a close friend
• and the twilights of a little crush on yukhei are most definitely seeping into your brain
• but everything changes when you find yourself closing the cafe after a super busy saturday, where you hadn’t been able to get everyone out until it hit past eleven.
• the boss had thanked you profously and promised a good overtime check since you’d stayed so late
• and you were too exhausted to be too mad about having to stay past your schedule
• as you went through your routine, you nearly jumped from your skin when the door opened and you turned to explain - no really, you were closed now when you came face to face with yukhei
• the side of his cheek is obviously bruised, scrapes that look like bad road rash cascade down past the angle of his jaw and onto his neck
• he limps a little when he makes it across the doors threshold and you see dried blood on his knuckles
• “yukhei?” you rush over and take him by forearm, making sure to hold onto the skin that isn’t covered in some kind of wound
• “yukhei what are you doing here - did you fall off your bike, you have to go to a hospital now!”
  
• not anywhere close to being a doctor, you can only prematurely tend to him with the cheap ass first aid kit from the kitchen
• the entire time you keep saying that he has to go to the hospital
• and yukhei mumbles that he doesn’t know where one is, his friends weren’t with him either - he got hurt alone - so he came to the only place that was close by and familiar
• you look up at him - he’s sitting on the same bar stool that sicheng is usually in  and you’re standing between his legs, bottle of ointment uncapped on the counter - bandages in your hand
• “ok, ill take you - ill call a friend who has a car.”
  
• “im ok.”
  
• he lifts a hand and wraps it gently around your wrist. you can feel the wear on his skin from his leather gloves and old callouses from old injuries
• he stares at you and the only light is from the kitchen, flickering on and off
• “you’re not ok, you might have a more serious internal injur-”
  
• “if i was bleeding inside, i would know.”
  
• you frown, he says it like it has happened before - you wonder how many times has yukhei fell off his bike, or gotten hurt some other way - how many times has he done it alone 
• “fine, you don’t have to go now but go sometime soon. promise me.”
  
• he looks at you, the autumn chestnut color you saw when you first met him is glazed now in a darker brown. 
• “ill promise you if you promise me something too.”
  
• swallowing, you become acutely aware of how close you are - his knees are grazing either side of your thighs. your wrist is still in his lax hold.
• you smell sweat, blood, and cologne on him. he smells the tiredness of your work on you.
• “this isn’t a joke yukhei, i just want you to be-”
  
• “i will go, i promise but promise me something too.”
  
• “ok. ok fine, what? do you want free coffee or -”
• “promise you’ll kiss me at least once before this summer is over.”
  
• before you even realize it, you agree. simply because you want him so badly to go to the hospital, or at least that’s how you come to terms with it on your own.
• you itch as the promise swirls around your head, even hours after you watched yukhei walk away from your front door - banged up and bruised and stilling insisting on walking you home
• when you see sicheng the next day, you want to tell him about everything because your head feels like a tangled mess 
• but you don’t - you just pick at the strings of your apron, make drinks and heat up pastries 
• three days go by and yukhei doesn’t show himself anywhere. he’s not even in his group of friends who you see once again on the boardwalk one night after work
• you somehow push past the nervous feeling and ask one of them where he is
• “ah, his bike is all fucked up so he’s been mopping about it while it’s in the shop.”
  
• “did he go to the hospital?”
  
• the guy laughs, shakes his head - “knowing yukhei, probably not. but we haven’t seen him for a while either.”
• you say thank you and turn to leave - you hear some kind of buzzing, some kind of mention of you and yukhei and what kind of ‘relationship’ you’re in - but you push past it
• you don’t even know where he lives, let alone where he rides his bike so you can’t really go and check on him
• you have to wait for him to come to you - that bothers you.
• you stop and return to the group, who all simmer to silence when you come close again.
• “where do you guys usually ride your bikes?”
  
• you’ve never been this far up the beach, mostly because this part is relatively blocked off from swimming because of the high ridges of rocks and the part of the coast that disappears into the mountains 
• there’s a trail for hikers that leads off and into the trees, but you don’t go there - worried you’ll get lost without a map or guidance
• yukhei’s friends said they mostly biked here  - dirt bikes aren’t motorcycles you know that right babe?
• you cross your hands over your chest - on your one free day of the week, you want to be splayed out on your floor under a fan. not looking for yukhei - someone who is practically a stranger to you
• is he though? we might have talked less times than i can count on all my fingers but would i really call him a stranger?
• you look around but it seems barren, almost eerily quiet and isolated
• so when the loud sound of an engine roars from that opening into the mountains, you almost teeter back 
• with a flair of dirt and sand that flies toward you in a storm, you hear a bike rip down and into dune
• the red bike strikes against the sizzling backdrop of the summer day and your eyes widen when you see it do a half-circle and come to a halt
• yukhei pulls the helmet off and shakes his sweaty hair from his forehead - he looks over at you and you think you have lost the ability to speak
• i know im supposed to be angry and concerned, but he looks so hot it’s almost unfair
• the road rash on his cheek is healing better than expected, but his wounds are all still clear as day - scabbing as they heal
• he doesn’t get off the bike - just looks at you and then beckons you over with a tilt of his head
• you almost protest because you came here to be all strong willed and insist that he go see the doctor, also when did his bike get out of the shop? 
• but you bend to the command and make your way over
• he kills the engine and stares at you - you stare back
• “where have you been?”
  
• “i went to the hospital like i promised.”
  
• the sudden confession makes you drop your hands - “really! what did they say?”
• “no internal bleeding.” he leans his body slightly over the side of his bike “told you id know if i was dying.”
• “still, im happy you went. it’s better to be safe than so-” 
• he drops his helmet on the sand and your sentence cuts off with the sound
  
• “so i kept my promise, do you want to keep yours now?”
  
• don’t be silly, im not kissing you - you don’t even like me and i don’t -
• all the excuses in your brain just get lost in the jumble that’s already made a home up there, so you just decide that fine. you will keep that idiotic, dumb, heat of the moment promise.
• you grab yukhei by the sides of his tank top, starling him as you push yourself toward his mouth
• using the leveraged grip you let your hold relax only enough so that you can dig your nails through the fabric and into the skin of his ribs
• yukhei makes a growling noise into your mouth that is somehow more sweltering than the summer sun
• he cranes his neck slightly so when you run your tongue across the slip of his lips he can easily grant you any of the access you require, one hand goes up to grip the back of his neck
• he takes one hand from the handles of the bike and slips it to the small of your back - then up between your shoulder blades as he pushes you closer
• it’s supposed to be one kiss. one little, flimsy kiss, and yet the attraction you feel between you two is so charged that you cannot stop
• you only break back to see if yukhei feels the same thing, and it is written all over his face, he does
• that and the way he tells you to step back as he gets off the bike, it falls to the sand and you start to ask why in the world he’s so careless with everything when he just wraps you up in his arms and starts kissing you again
• “i wont be careless when it comes to you”
  
• his mouth is magical, even more so as it drags down to your neck and the layer of sweat between your bodies is threatening to turn to fucking cement and keep you stuck in this embrace for the rest of eternity (not that either of you would mind)
• but it’s so hot and you are not about to fall back on this sand - so you somehow manage to tell yukhei to meet you later tonight
• “want a ride home?” he pants, but you unglue yourself from the plane of his perfect chest and shake your head, “meet me at ten.”
• yukhei is there on time. he didn’t bring his bike, which is a good idea considering the noise it would make, he looks so sweet when you come downstairs and he asks if you want to go on a date
• a date, like go get dinner if you haven’t had any or play boardwalk games until midnight
• you say yes. just not tonight 
• yukhei’s look of childish confusion makes you laugh as you take his hand and lead him back inside.
• sicheng might have warned you about yukhei being “bad”, the only little problem is you might have always been the “bad” one all along 
• with how big, strong, dirt biking yukhei looks up at you with absolute awe as you forgo chitchat over shared ice-cream and push him down onto the sheets of your bed
• in the morning, you have to go to work and yukhei has to leave through the window, but you kiss him one last time and he mumbles he’ll meet you after your shift
• “now i do have a boyfriend to walk me home, huh?” 
• you giggle and yukhei nearly trips over himself at the word
• you do let yukhei take you on a date, of course you do - and it’s as soft and sweet as you expect because yukhei is the opposite of what he looks like at first glance
• all the bruises, all the confidence, all the arrogant handsomeness that is ingrained in his perfect features is just a cover. he’s a big teddy bear.
• refusing to let you pay, giving you his jacket, offering to come over early and help you lock up
• holding your hand gently, kissing your forehead when you complain about dumb customers, the absolute sugary-sweet pillow talk that sometimes makes you feel like you’re in a hallmark movie romcom
• when sicheng catches yukhei with a hand around your waist on the boardwalk - he nearly calls the police, but you explain everything - sans the more intimate details and it takes a long time for sicheng to accept it but
• you are happy, god you are so happy it is pouring out of you - especially when you are with yukhei
• even your boss warms up to him (only him, the rest of his buddies are basically barred from coming into the cafe) 
• and yukhei, when you see him with others, it’s obvious that he is an extroverted charmer - one afternoon he helps you with orders and when he returns, the receipt is covered in numbers
• of course - he crumples it and tosses it into the garbage as he lets a secret hand sneak up your shirt behind the shield of the counter
• and then, the summer is whisking away, and you feel the first kisses of autumn when yukhei is helping you steady yourself on the dirt bike - even though you refuse to actually ever ride it
• you shiver at the breeze and yukhei feels your goosebumps under his fingertips
• “hey, are you going to leave once summer is over - i know you and your friends are just staying here because it’s a great place to bike but-”
  
• he leans down and buries his face in your hair
• “why, you gonna miss me if i leave?”
  
• you reach behind you to try and flick him, but he dodges
• “i just wanted to know - if i should get ready for heartbreak or-”
  
• “don’t ever say that, i would never hurt you.” 
• his tone drops and you know he’s being serious
  
• “i love you and im not going anywhere.”
• he helps you off the bike and then pulls you into his arms
• “promise?” 
• you whisper, but yukhei hears it and you feel him nod 
• “promise.”
• a couple of years later, you hear a loud sound from the living room and rush out to the garage 
• you see yukhei rubbing his head - wrench in one hand and a broken looking bike on the floor
• “what happened?!”
• “i didn’t put the kick stand down all the way so it toppled over”
  
• you kneel down beside him and examine him for any wounds, 
• yukhei watches you and the concern that is always so bright and tender in your eyes when it comes to him
• you turn his hand over to make sure, the engagement band on his finger catches the light as you do 
• the matching one on your hand feels cool against his skin.
• “you’re so careless, seriously!”
  
• you puff your cheeks out and chide him with all the love, he smiles back and leans in to kiss your frown
• “true, but im never careless with you.”
  
• you roll your eyes, but it’s true - ever since he first said it till now. 

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au kun
it’s late …… but happy birthday leader kun ~
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng |chenle

• there’s a sharp knock on the glass of your window 
• you stare up at the ceiling and don’t move an inch from the comfort of your bed until the knock comes again. and again.
• with a groan you roll off your sheets and compose yourself before walking over and pushing your curtains aside
• on the other side of the window is kun
• standing god knows how on the side of the second story of your house and you cross your arms
• he motions for you to open the window and you shake your head
• he rolls his eyes and somehow the little gesture ticks you off to no end
• who does he think he is? always being so rude, even when he needs me to do something for him!
• he motions again and you try not to look at the strong line of his arms - he’s wearing a sleeveless tank and jeans which really? how athletic is he climbing in those thing-
• you sneer but you give in, undoing the latch and pushing open the window
• stepping back, kun climbs through without a hitch and once he’s standing on the carpet of your bedroom you look up and start
• “i was about to go to sleep what are you doing her-”
  
• “where’s your cousin?”
  
• he doesn’t even look at you.
• in fact, he looks over your shoulder at your door that’s closed
• “he said to meet him before we both sneak out, but that dumbass could have just met me at the party himself.”
  
• you uncross your arms and instead curl your fingers into fists at your side
• “so why didn’t you sneak through the guestroom window asshole -”
  
• “don’t know which window is the guest room. i just knew this one was yours because of the childish curtains.”
  
• he gets under your nerves. he really does. he has since you meet him as the naïve new kid at your towns middle school
• and he - he was the ever so perfect at everything upperclassman. 
• that hadn’t changed much now - as you got older you came to understand that kun could do no wrong in the eyes of everyone BUT you
• your parents thought he was the shining example of a young man, your friends all wanted to date him, and now even your cousin who was staying with you for the summer was impressed with him.
• they’d met at the party you had thrown to welcome your cousin and how kun even got there - you don’t know - but he’d shown up with sicheng and ten 
• and then was talking to your cousin and everyone and making you irritated the entire night ……. and yet ………… here he was now 
• sneaking out with YOUR cousin to go to another party. who’s party? you didn’t know - your own damn cousin had invited KUN and not YOU
• you don’t want to bite your tongue anymore - you want to start mouthing off on him just like he thinks he has the right to do with you 
• but if you raise your voice, you’ll wake your parents and you have the sinking feeling that if they walked in on this scene 
• they might not be as angry about it as other parents would be……you cringe, thinking about how your mother had once inquired you if kun and you were considering being more than friends.
• you look up at him now. more than friends? he’s going to be my enemy till i die.
• you think your worry comes to life when your door opens and you turn so fast in fear of seeing your parents actually standing there, but it is just your cousin
• who grins at kun and pushes past you like you’re a ghost in your own room
• “ready to go dude?” he asks and kun suddenly takes this moment of all to look at you 
• he makes a noise of agreement, but he keeps his line of vision on you. it makes something crawl up your skin. creep, don’t look at me like that! 
• it only lasts a split second, before both boys are using your window to sneak out into the sticky summer night and you’re rushing over to shut it. 
• before you do - you watch them disappear out of the backyard - two figures in the moon. 
• you huff, reaching for your curtains and you don’t notice kun look back.
• this keeps happening. 
• sometimes kun does come sneaking back through your window (he says he can’t get the guest room one where your cousin is - there’s nothing for him to climb up on that side of the house) but rather than just that
• kun just keeps appearing around you
• he’s at the same parties, he’s at the same park, he’s at the same beach. the town has never felt smaller and your cousin is the reason for it all. he drags kun everywhere - like they’re the bestest of friends.
• they’ve known each other for like two or something weeks…..can’t they find other people to hangout with! maybe i should just stay in my room from now on-
• you turn off the shower and try to erase the thought from your head. you wrap a towel around yourself and scurry down the hall back to your room where you shut the door and sigh.
• he annoys me so much that my brain can’t help thinking about him when it should just be trying to throw him out of my he-
• your shoulders tense when you hear a familiar sound at the window. 
• no fucking way
• the curtains are drawn back now and through the glass you see the familiar outline of kun’s figure
• you stomp over - you’ve been boiling over his constant presence and you think fine, he wants to come into your room, you wont let him until he hears what you really think
• so you yank the window up, but not enough for him to climb through
• “hey i can-”
  
• “kun, i know everyone thinks your gods gift to this earth but what would they think of you trying to sneak into my room through the goddamn window at midnight? huh? can’t spend your summer doing something better than bothering me? that’s what the prince of this little town does - peep through wind-”
  
• in the heat of the moment you throw your hands up to the glass of the window and the towel ……. drops
• you probably wouldn’t have even noticed - how wound up you’ve gotten - but kun 
• kun nearly falls straight off the side of your house and you can see the panic reflected in his eyes flash so you yank the window up and instead of letting him fall backwards
• you pull him in and ontop of you
• the two of you topple over onto your carpet - the thudding sound resounds and kun catches himself on his arms so his weight doesn’t crush you
• you stare up - that flash of panic is still in kun’s eyes and for a second you try to figure out why when you feel the summer air gust through and all over your exposed skin
• you scream, because what else can you do, and kun pushes himself off you
• you reach for the towel pooled beside you and wrap yourself back up - getting to your feet with wobbly horror and staring at kun who is sitting back with that expression stil on his face
• it doesn’t last long though because you hear someone pull at your doorknob - your mothers voice coming from the otherside
• kun falls back and rolls himself under your bedframe - just in time for the door to open and your mother to rush in with worry laced in her voice
• “what happened?”
  
• qian kun just saw me naked!
• “i- i though-i thought i saw something in the window im fine, really!”
  
• your mother pries but you push her back toward the door gently, assuring her that it was probably an owl or a racoon in a tree. really. 
• she touches your shoulder and says to call her if you need anything. you close the door again and listen to her footsteps down the stairs.
• you breath in and turn around - kun has gotten out from under the bed and is now standing at the corner of your bed looking more lost than you’ve ever seen him in your life
• no snarky remarks, no stupid smug look on his face 
• you feel angry. you still feel all pissed off from before, but now there’s something else coursing through you. 
• shame.
• “get out”
  
• you grit your teeth. 
• “i - i would never-”
  
• “get out kun, seriously.”
  
• he stumbles, no confidence and no superiority, just an almost wounded like stride as he reaches for the window again.
• he looks over his shoulder and you brace yourself - with him, he could look sad all he wants but you know deep down he could say something so cruel right about now-
• “im sorry.”
• you clutch the towel 
• sorry for what? for being better than me at everything? for having to see me at my most vulnerable when all i ever see you at is your best?
• you think - or at least you assume you think this - you don’t realize you’ve said it out loud
• kun stops and swallows, “im not the best at anything. im a horrible liar you know.”
• “what?”
  
• the towel should be soft, but it feels heavy, like a lifeline you’re gripping but that just gets harder and harder to keep close
• kun pushes his lower body through the window and then looks at you one final time
• “im a horrible liar. the reasons i even- the reason im always around you isn’t because of your cousin. it’s because i want to be near-”
• you don’t hear the last word because he disappears right after that, you stand in the corner of your room, he wants to be near what? 
• you look at the shut door, the mirror hanging on the back of it, and your reflection
• did he say he wants to be near me?
• you don’t really go anywhere for a couple of days after that. 
• your cousin is always out, but you don’t even want to go see your friends. you just know that that will risk seeing-
• something knocks against your window and you look over, a new feeling swelling in your chest that isn’t like that dread you’ve felt before
• but instead of kun’s figure - you just see the raindrops that are accumulating on the glass
• a heavy summer storm brews up outside and you think it’s ironic. your brain feels like it is going through a tornado of its own. 
• you walk toward it and think it would be nice to feel the rain though - to touch something outside of room and when you open it you do see something
• you see someone in the backyard
• “kun?”
  
• you’re rushing out on the grass - barefoot and wrapping your arms around yourself in the wind of the rain
• “kun why are you here - my cou-”
  
• “im here to see you.”
• you don’t understand - and then a strong chill that doesn’t come from the storm runs up your spine - he’s here to make fun of me isn’t he? mock me?
• “listen, i don’t want to hear it from you of all people - you saw me naked for a second and you have no right-”
  
• “its you. im always here to see you. do you understand?”
• he’s talking over me - like usual - but why is his tone-
• “excuse me? understand wh-”
  
• the rain gets heavier and you cannot believe you’re about to do this but you’re getting soaked and so is kun and so you point to your window
• “meet me up there.”
  
• you don’t know why you invite him. you expect the worst and you expect to get hurt and made fun of it. but you do it anyway. 
• part of you is saying it’s because you want to pick a fight - but another part, quieter and that’s been dormant for a while says no, it’s because you might think you hate kun but you aren’t going to let him stand out in the rain any longer.
• you wish you could tell this part to shut up and go away, but you give into it every time. especially, it seems, when it comes to him of all people.
• kun looks displaced again in your room - he usually sneaks through and acts like he owns the place - but this time he’s back to this awkward atmosphere
• you feel sick thinking about how you kind of wish you had the other side of him back
• “so why are you here kun, really. it’s embarrassing enough for me that you saw me-”
  
• “im sick of lying.” 
  
• you blink, looking at him more seriously
• “lying?”
  
• “your cousin is fun and all, but cmon - you said it yourself. everyone expects the best of me, why would i spend my summer partying around the town. do you think i like it?”
  
• speechless you don’t say anything in response and kun continues
• “it’s just, finally i had an excuse good enough to be around you. to sneak up through your window, to hangout with the people you are friends with, to see you. otherwise - i never get a chance to-”
  
• he looks different tonight, maybe because he’s drenched with rain, but he looks more like the kun you’ve known for years
• put together, serious, he even has his glasses on tonight which shocks you more than anything because ever since the summer started - ever since he’s been around your cousin - he seems to have ditched them
• you think slowly the pieces are coming together in your head about what point kun is making
• it creeps in and you think shock is going to overcome you when kun confesses - with none of that bravado he seems to have adapted - 
• “i just know you hate me and without a good reason you would never let me near you so i - i just did the one thing that meant i could be close to you, because i dont hate you, i really like-”
  
• you take a couple of steps toward him, closing your fingers around his face and you hear kun’s breath hitch up 
• you pull him down and toward you and just as you’re about to brush your lips against his - you instead pull him into a tight hug
• you bury your face in his chest. his hands stuck stiff at his sides
• “im not going to kiss you until you promise me one thing kun”
• you can feel his heartbeat and yours, both rushing - louder than the thunder outside
• “wh-what?”
  
• “if we do this - whatever this will be - you have to promise you’ll still hangout with my cousin. he really thinks you guys are best friends.”
  
• after a bit of a pause you feel his chest rumble with laughter
• which you take offense to as you pull out of his arms - “hey don’t laugh! im being seri-”
• “this is why i want to be near you by the way.”
  
• he looks at you and for the first time it isn’t cold or accompanied by a sneer, the warmth in the deep browns almost makes you coy
• “the guy you’re enemies with tells you they like you and you go ‘whatever, just keep being nice to my cousin’.”
  
• you cross your arms, “family before boyfriends.”
• kun cocks an eyebrow, “boyfriend? you move fast.”
• “qian kun you’ve seen me naked. you better be ready for commitment.”
  
• he loops his hands around your waist and you yelp a little at the sound contact - hugging and all is one but now he is pushing you up and against him
• “im ready for anything if it means i can see you naked again.”
  
• after that - everything shifts
• naturally it does, you do start dating the guy you swore you’d hate till you died but that’s not the only thing
• you are also dating the most sought after guy in your town and while most of the other people your age go green with envy - your parents and cousin (surprisingly) are over the moon
• your parents you get, but you thought your cousin would hate the idea - when infact he confesses that he’s happy you like kun now - you all three can hangout easier for the rest of his summer here!
• you’re all having dinner one time and your mother asks what made you finally realize you liked kun
• you fluster, and kun quips that he just had to sneak through your window a couple of times to end up sneaking into your heart
• your parents laugh - oh qian kun would never sneak through a window, only bad boys do that!
• you almost choke on your peas
• you won’t lie - you have insecurities and worries in the beginning, kun could still be pulling a fast one on you. or maybe you two just will never get over the competition between each other.
• but that all proves null, you and him can be sarcastic and joke around all you want it doesn’t stop the feelings that grow tenfold through the summer 
• that feeling that when you are with him, there isn’t anyone else around 
• and kun really is the best at everything (you don’t say it out loud though)
• but he does have the looks, the brains, the popularity and boy does he know what he’s doing with those hands of his 
• safe to say that he might have seen you naked first but you definitely saw him as well
• you joke about it and your cousin is like ok. nevermind. this relationship between yall is GROSS jkjk
• and then - like all things, summer ends, and your cousin is back off to his hometown 
• and when you’re saying goodbye - he goes up to you and leans in to whisper something so no one else hears
• “that’s not going to happen!”
  
• you exclaim when he leans out, but he just shrugs and says “just promise you will.”
• so you do promise. 
• when you comeback to join kun he asks what the promise was about and you roll your eyes, muttering that it’s unrealistic so it doesn’t matter.
• the only issue is - it is very realistic
• because ten years later you are sending out invitations to you and kun’s wedding
• he’s sitting at the dinner table beside you and watching you handwrite the notes, cutely testing out your cursive 
• he teases your mistakes and you swat at him, he leans down to kiss the side of your cheek when he looks at the invitation in your hand
• it’s addressed to your cousin and kun reads it out loud: 
• “hey cousin, im keeping my promise from the past - the promise that id invite you to me and kun’s wedding.”
• kun looks at you and you can’t believe the look makes you blush - even as a damn adult
• kun keeps reading;
• “and the other promise - that ill dance with you right after i dance with kun.”
  
• kun chuckles, “you might not keep that one - because im not letting anyone else dance with after me. you’ll be mine that night.”
• you scrunch up your nose, “dummy - ill be yours forever.” 

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au chenle
happy (once again late) birthday lele ! ~
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta |sicheng

• maybe the heat has gotten to chenle 
• when he sits down on the last step of the long staircase nestled between your building and the twenty four hour grocery store
• the stairs lead up to the next block, where you can hear the vague sounds of kids playing on the street. one of the voices might be haechan, he’s shouting for someone to come back
• but you look at chenle and he’s looking at his knees
• freshly bruised from where he and jisung both fell off their bikes a couple days ago, it’s starting to scab and he looks like he’s trying not to pick at it
• “sorry, you want me to do what?”
• “don’t make me say it again.”
• he mutters and he won’t look at you
• you know even if you ask him too - he’s probably the most stubborn person you’ve ever met -  he won’t
• “no, i didn’t hear - well i did, but i mean - you’re crazy.”
• “you can just say no.”
• he shifts his gaze from his knees up to the sky and then after you wait patiently for another minute he finally does look at you
• “do you really hate the idea of it?”
• “it’s not that. it’s just…….if you really like this person, you should just fall into it naturally with them. you shouldn’t have to practice - you should just do it when it feels right.”
• his mouth twitches like he’s about to scowl and roll his eyes and stomp away
• because that’s what he does when things don’t go his way but instead he just stares at you and says;
• “i won’t know what feels right until ive at least tried it.”
• you should argue back, you and chenle are notorious for always bantering and quarrelling and leaving all of your friends either annoyed or doubling over with laughter
• but you can’t think of something witty to say. something at least convincing because he makes a point
• but also
• how is he not embarrassed to ask me of all people that?
• sighing, you’re the one who looks away and over your shoulder up the stairs
• no one is around - their voices are - but they’re distant and chenle is close
• so close that bruised knee of his could brush yours if he just inched a little to his left
• “fine.”
• you give in and turn your shoulders back toward him
• “you might as well practice with me, anyone else and you might actually catch another crush on top of the one you have now.”
• chenle half smirks and you don’t register the emotional shift in the light brown of his eyes
• you just think he’s going along with your joke - well not really a joke, more like a statement
• and that’s how you end up leaning in, one hand on the stairs as if to keep your balance even while sitting down
• and the other on the side of chenle’s cheek
• you hover just a moment before you kiss him - a split, wordless millisecond of hesitation - and then you let your lips gently press to his
• it isn’t even a real kiss but it is the first moment of the rest of a summer you never expected
• of course, you and chenle tell no one about this weird, awkward, beyond the boundaries of friendship thing you are doing
• mostly because if you did haechan and jaemin would not let it go, not until you were all rolling in your graves and jisung would probably be scarred with crippling doubt of where every friendship of his stood
• so you only naturally have to sneak around
• chenle is a good liar though, well better than you who has trouble even looking renjun in the eyes when chenle says you and him have to leave a little earlier from the backyard barbeque someones throwing because oh right, you forgot your allergy medicine at home and chenle promised some old lady across the street he’d feed her cat while she was on holiday
• they’re half-assed, badly timed lies but it is summer
• and if you and chenle don’t want to have fun with the rest of the group then so be it
• you guys just get teased and called debbie-downers and then you’re home free
• well home free in a sense that you know have some time to sit on the rug of your bedroom and kiss
• for the sake of learning
• “where do i put my hands?”
• chenle asks one time and you move instinctively to put one of his palms on the side of your waist. 
• that’s where i like to be held-
• you drop his hand as soon as the thought crosses your mind and stutter out
• “well, that’s more a question for your crush. different people like it in different places.”
• he nods and thinks for a second
• “we’ve only kissed a couple of times but i think i like putting my hand on your waist.”
• his palm ends up just where you had wanted to lead it and when a little swell of butterflies flutters in your stomach at the fact, you quell the feeling and shove it deep deep deep down 
• this persists throughout the weeks, and each time you try and introduce chenle to a tier higher of kissing, if that makes sense
• you’ve got down the leaning in, the hand position, the tilting your head, the emergency breath mints, the lead up or lead out, the avoid nose smashing or teeth clanking and then there’s only really one last thing you can graduate too and it’s 
• “tongue?”
• you almost hark on the ice-cream sandwich you’re eating when jaemin says the word
• “yeah, he got his tongue pierced. are you ok?”
• renjun turns his long gaze to you, the poor ice-cream melting all over the wrapper and on your fingers
• “fine, yeah, it’s just - super hot. i think im gonna go home and lay under the ac.”
• your eyes go from renjun to jaemin to chenle who gives a little nod and stands up from his side of the table with a groan
• “sorry guys, i got a text from my mom. i gotta go now too.”
• no one says anything. renjun taps his fingers and doesn’t look away from you as jaemin tries desperately to convince you both to stay and when you both say no he sticks his tongue out and asks you a question that you thought would sooner come out of anyone elses mouth
• “are you two like hooking up behind our backs or something, you’re always gone when we’re having the most fun!”
• you think you might really fall over - renjun, sure you could have seen him figuring it out. haechan - definitely. even jeno……but 
• jaemin?
• “what? like i’d ever hook up with them.”
• chenle’s voice comes out, high and mocking 
• it’s pretty good and you almost believe it for a second - turn around and tell him hey, you’ve been making out with me this whole entire month so if you want to end up practicing on a stuffed animal back home you better take that back!
• when you realize - right, he’s covering up
• you scrunch up your nose and chuck the icecream into the trash
• “right, like id ever let him touch me.”
• jaemin is convinced, he goes back to laughter and obliviousness, but renjun chuckles when you pass by and the undertone of it makes you shake even in the heat
• “renjun knows.”
• you and chenle are not in your room for once, you’re outside in a small park that’s been abandoned as the summer moon switches places with the summer sun
• chenle is swinging back and forth and you’re leaning against the side of the swing set nervously biting your lip
• “he gave me a look when we left.”
• “are you going to teach me it by the way?”
• “teach you what?”
• you hear the swing come to a stop and he stands up, you don’t know if now the summer heat is getting to you
• because when you look at him he looks different
• he looks handsome, not just cute and sweet like you’re used to seeing him - all round faced and smiley - he’s gotten taller and is still so naturally thin it brings out the defining cuts of the sharper parts of his face
• you look away immediately when you start cataloging all of this in your brain
• people only do that with people they like, you don’t look at your friends and start painting their best features in your head like a psycho …….. ok not a psycho but someone that’s…..that’s in ……
• “you know, how to actually kiss. not little pecks or whatever, like actual deeper kissing.”
• it is obvious what he’s asking and you are pretty sure it’s just his drive to be better at all this for that person he likes 
• but you feel shy about it, even a little uncomfortable with the idea of being slightly closer to someone who is using you as what could be compared with a scientific mannequin 
• a how-to user guide, a one time trial period
• you feel light headed and when chenle comes into your personal space and reaches out to hold you, you jerk back
• “stop - wait.”
• he listens 
• “w-who do you even like, you never told me.”
• “why’s that important?” 
• his eyes widen a little and you are racing through a hundred different excuses and reasons to prolong this conversation
• “well i want to know. i mean, i mean everything we practiced you’re going to use with them so i just i guess i feel like im at least entitled to know that.”
• “it’s a secret, it doens’t matter either way.”
• “do i know them?”
• chenle frowns, “no. they don’t live near here. anyway are you ok why-”
• you walk backwards, up until your back hits the fence that runs around the little park
• chenle’s ticked off look turns into genuine concern and he stops a couple of feet from you and asks this time if you’re really ok, if you don’t want to do this anymore than that’s all you have to say-
• he’s speaking, in almost something akin to a whisper, and the sound along with the dawning of the evening makes you remember that first kiss you gave him on the stairs
• his bruised knee, haechan’s voice in the distance, the long steps leading up to the entire world and away from chenle
• if you really had felt nothing for him but friendship, you would have gotten up and told him to stop playing around
• you would have trotted up those steps and joined everyone else
• you would have never leaned in and kissed him first
• but you had and the secret that you’d stowed as far back in your heart as possible had slowly, with each day of this summer, been pulled out and out and out
• and now it was big and shining and the only thing you could think about anymore
• i like chenle
• and everytime he kisses me
• he’s thinking of someone else
• “i can’t, i can’t do that with you.”
• you finally find the words and then clutch your fingers into fists at your side when chenle gives you a sad look you almost never see him wear
• “it’s not that i don’t want to, i do. i want to. and not to help you learn or whatever but because i really just……..want to.”
• that sad look is turning into something you’re too scared to look at - but you know he’s following your train of thought now
• “and you should want to do that with the person you like, not a replace-”
• “it’s you.”
• he cuts in before you finish your sentence and like a train going at full speed you brake and everything crashes in at once
• “-ment……sorry, what?”
• “it’s you. you’re the person i like.”
• “but- you - practice- you - what?”
• the starstruck look on your face makes chenle laugh and you can’t believe the audacity, buy you also want an answer so when he wipes away his chuckling he nods
• “it was you all along. do you think i’d ever want to spend days making out with someone i didn’t like?”
• when you had thought something had been wrong with him on the day he’d asked you to do this the first time, you really had thought either he’d gotten heatstroke or been brainwashed
• it was so unlike chenle to 1) admit he needed to practice something and 2) want to practice it with someone he wasn’t at least fond of
• so really, maybe something had been wrong with you, when you had failed to see that his whole plan this time was
• “you just wanted an excuse to kiss me all summer?”
• he shrugs and grins, “it was nice right?”
• you can’t argue or lie or disagree - it was nice - and now you’re standing here in this park with no one around and you think maybe you shuold teach chenle the last and final thing about kissing
• so you finally let him come closer and with his hand on your waist, just where you like it, he leans in again
• but just before you do anything else you pull back and mumble
• “jaemin is going to freak out when we tell him he was right, we have been sneaking out around behind everyones back to make out.”
• “yeah but renjun definitely knows right?”
• you nod, right, maybe that’ll soften the shock for everyone
• (it doesn’t)
• and sometimes you also get another wave of shock, even after dating chenle for so long 
• not much has changed - you still like to push each other and tease and pretend like you aren’t head over heels in love with each other 
• if only because that’s one way to show that you are, in fact, very much attached 
• and because even when you kiss in front of the group - jaemin still says it blows his mind
• the only person who keeps reminding everyone that he saw this coming, even before you and chenle spent that summer locking lips 
• is renjun who looks at you and chenle and is like, “one day ill probably be helping plan their wedding.”
• you and chenle look at each other and pretend to gag, wedding? no way? to each other? you’d both rather die!
• and then you grin and kiss and tickle noses and disappear into a bubble of your own
• every time you get to be alone though you whisper against his cheek that you love him, he knows exactly how to make you happy
• and he reminds you hey - you taught me everything i know, that one summer all that time ago.

tw: weapons mention, violence mention, n*fw elements, be warned. everything written here is a work of FICTION, it does not in anyway reflect reality, nor do i condone any of the extreme behavior.

♢introduction♢pick mark instead|pick haechan instead|pick yuta instead|pick johnny instead |pick doyoung instead |pick taeil instead|pick sicheng instead

♢special route: pick ten

“it doesn’t matter, just stay away from her or anyone and me. stay away from me.”
“but i chose you.”
taeyong’s eyes flash for a moment - there’s a look of shock and also a softness, an almost apologetic tenderness in them that fades as soon as it appears.
“you shouldn’t have.”

• “i choose taeyong.”
• “i refuse.”
• he still doesn’t look up at you and somewhere in the room jaehyun lets out a long sigh
• “taeyong they were supposed to be with you anyway, just think of this as an extension of your work duty as their manager.”
  
• taeyong tilts his thin body forward, his hands are in his pockets and he takes another minute to answer
• “are you ordering me?”
  
• he finally looks at you, but his question is obviously directed at the jung heir
• “are you and your father ordering me?”
  
• “yes.”
  
• someone takes your hand gently and you look to the side to see mark, he’s giving you a sad and pitiful smile
• under it though is the question - are you sure about this? just pick me.
• but the words have already come out of your mouth and you don’t know if it’ll just piss taeyong off more if you go back on your choice now
• you are helped down from the table and you walk slowly to taeyong who lets an unnerving straight stare blank over his face
• you want to put together something to say
• but its like all your instincts are blaring red flags - stay quiet and hide.
• “i cant take them home today. i have a meeting.”
• everyone in the room tenses, especially doyoung who scoffs in apparent disgust and jaehyun snaps his fingers
• “mark will take care of you till the morning.”
• mark motions for you to follow him and he and johnny take you into the elevator and back above ground
• they are both talking to you - the usual damage control, it’ll be ok! don’t you worry! taeyong and the rest of us won’t let anything bad happen to you.
• you nod every now and then - but you cant help but shake the image of taeyong from your head
• slumped, dead eyed, and cold
• “what meeting is he going to?”
  
• you ask, without thinking of any precaution that should be attached to such a question 
• as mark opens the door to the car waiting outside
• “oh, it’s a work thing. like we were saying-”
  
• johnny puts a hand on your shoulder and gently pushes you forward
• “the less you know. the better.”
  
• mark takes you home to pack the essentials
• he looks awkward in your messy kitchen, not touching the water you poured him
• he helps you write a text to your friends and family to explain why you will be awol for the coming week
• he tries hard to be a friend when in reality every little jerk of his hand, the sound of his phone alerts
• it all makes your stomach drop - what the fuck is going on?
• you stay in a hotel, a room much to big for just you, with mark who gets himself comfortable on the couch
• you pace around the bedroom after locking the door, the night is dark but the lights of the city flicker in the reflection of the window
• you stare at it and try to recap your reality
• you were just going to be an intern, fixing wifi routers and filing papers for the it department
• and now you’re - you’re a hostage
• even if some of the jung’s people are trying to comfort you about the situation, that’s really what it is. 
• you’re a glorified hostage, but a hostage nonetheless
• and what made it all worse somehow 
• was the fact that you were now being seen as a bother by the person who you were practically forced to choose to protect you
• if they’d given you the option to leave that basement 
• and just never speak a word you would have
• you would have erased this whole night and just moved on with your life
• your phone goes off, you barely glance on it - assuming its probably one of your friends responding to that message you sent earlier 
• but a notification pops up, alerting you that the text is from an unknown number
• you are about to mindlessly open it when your finger freezes on the screen
• what if- what if someone is already after me?
• you rush to unlock the bedroom door and to your surprise, mark is already standing in front of it
• his eyes narrow as soon as he sees the frightened expression on your face
• “i heard your phone go off.”
  
• “it’s - it’s an unknown -”
  
• you hand it to him and mark opens the messages instead of you, he reads it and then takes his own phone out before he rushes to the hotel’s door
• you hear the locks turn again and mark is talking but he’s talking low and fast, and using words you don’t understand - “queen”, “deck”, “spade”
• those are playing card terms? or maybe gambling? what did the message say-
• you are going to ask him when mark finally acknowledges you, “have you unpacked?”
• you shake your head - you had been too nervous, pacing around, staring out the window, lamenting in this already twisted reality - to even touch your belongings
• “good, get your suitcase. we need to leave.”
  
• the car races through the emptier midnight streets, before you know it you’re on the highway and the city of lights fades in the rearview mirror 
• you were right, something about that message probably meant someone was already after you, but who? 
• who could have already figured out that you - an anomaly - was among the jung family?
• “where are we going?” is all you manage to ask and mark speeds the car up a bit
  
• “another province, closer to the sea. the jung’s have a guest house out there where we’ll keep y- i mean where you’ll stay.”
  
• the slip doesn’t go unnoticed and the word “keep” brings a sick feeling into your stomach
• “mark”
  
• he keeps his eyes on the road, once a soft and pitying brown, now glazed over and dark
• you are sure he hears you, but he doesn’t turn or ask what you need. he just keeps driving so you bite your tongue and sink a little lower in your seat.
• the guest house is close to the sea, but it is far away from everything else. it reminds you of the countryside, but not the countryside your family would take you on summer trips too.
• this house looked like something out of an old film
• long winding corridors and so many small rooms that you were sure if you were stuck in here alone you’d get lost
• but mark weaves his way through with ease, a fleet of three servants following in heel
• one of them holds your suitcases and the other two are talking amongst each other about the room they prepared, about some safe, and about what mark would need for when he returned to the city
• you try not to listen but you know they’re talking about weapons, possibly money and stolen goods and other things that you used to only believe existed on a tv screen - or at least far far from you and your regular life
• now here you are
• following mark lee of jung enterprises into some holed away room in a guest house all because you received a threatening message for what?
• for simply seeing something you shouldn’t have seen
• when mark finally stops, he pushes open the two large doors and ushers you and the servants in
• he drops something in the hand of one of them which was speaking from before and you swallow when you realize its a handgun, matte black and threatening looking in from a distance
• “ill be back in the morning. they’re your duty for now, if you think anyone is surrounding the house or trying to come inside - you can use whatever is in the safe. jaehyun has authorized it.”
  
• you look away - and onto a large bed like the one at the hotel - the air is stiff
• mark still has your phone 
• “don’t worry, you’ll be ok.”
  
• you breath in and look up, mark is beside you now and he’s returned a bit to a warmer, welcoming state
• “mark - “ you want to ask, what did the message say? am i really safe? is my family safe? what’s happening?
  
• he smiles and shakes his head
• “ill be back tomorrow. taeyong might be with me.”
  
• taeyong is not with him when mark returns the next day
• you are haggard because you didn’t sleep a wink and there was nothing to do but roll around in the huge bed - staring up at a mirrored ceiling 
• rich people have the most useless things in their houses? you had thought, looking away from your shaking reflection 
• you have the urge to ask why taeyong isn’t there, but you think you know the answer already.
• no one wants to babysit an adult. mark’s just too nice to say it and taeyong just doesn’t want to waste his breath
• “do you like it here?” mark is the first one to say something as you walk back through the hall from your room to a spacious open area toward the back of the house
  
• it’s a patio with luxurious, untouched furniture 
• “im guessing im going to have to stay here if you’re asking me that?” 
  
• mark gives a weak smile, “yeah. it’s just the safest protocol. jaehyun agrees.”
• “what about taeyong?”
  
• his name slips before you can stop and mark nods, “taeyong too.”
• if you walk all the way to the end of the patio and keep going, you are pretty sure you can reach the sea after a couple of more feet of walking.
• you can’t see it - but you can smell it in the air outside. 
• briefly, you wonder about running toward it. what is mark going to do? grab you and stop you? let you run out into the shore? hurt you?
• something cold passes over you, right - he could hurt you. any one of the jungs people could hurt you. any one of the enemies of the jungs people could hurt you.
• suddenly you feel lightheaded and this conversation is making it worse
• “that’s fine, i dont mind being here. will i return to work anytime soon?”
  
• mark wants to reach out and touch your shoulder, you can tell he wants to be comforting, but he doesn’t
• “maybe at a later time, not not right now.”
  
• with that - mark walks you back to your room. the door shuts behind him and you feel weirdly like a doll stuck in a toy box chest.
• that feeling persists for the two weeks you spend at the jung’s guest house with no one but the people who tend to the home and mark, who stops by occasionally.
• taeyong is nowhere to be found. your phone never gets back to you, mark gives you a new one, the only contacts are him, jaehyun, taeyong, and johnny.
• until finally, one evening as you’re sinking into the duvet once again - the door to your room opens with a bang
• for a moment you think it’s them - the people who sent that message to your phone, which you still don’t know what it must have said - you bolt up 
• and do the only thing you can think of which is scream at the top of your lungs
• “it’s just us!” 
  
• something grips your arm, delicately but with enough pressure that you peel your eyes open to see mark and ……… taeyong
• mark looks concerned, but you look past him to taeyong who just chides to himself about how you are soloud
• “it’s just us, taeyong is here to take you back to the city.”
  
• “is it safer there?”
  
• taeyong cuts in with a curt, “can’t you just pack. i want to get back before ten.”
• you narrow your eyes and can’t help yourself, “yes i can pack - but i want an answer before i just jump into another car without being told ANYTHING.”
• mark seems a little surprised at your tone, you don’t speak like that with him, and taeyong just stares blank and cold
• “whatever, mark ill pull around the car.”
  
• with his presence out of the room you seem to calm down, coming about to your senses and muttering an apology to mark who just laughs - “you don’t have to say sorry for anything, this is a shitty situation to be in.”
• nothing is said up until you three are all in the car
• mark is driving and taeyong is in the passenger seat beside him, you watch with caution as he taps his long thing fingers against his knee
• and then turns around to look over at you
• “why are you staring at me?”
  
• mark grips the wheel tighter and you keep looking at taeyong, seemingly unphased by the rudeness of his you are getting used to
• “because i would like to know why im suddenly being taken back to the city.”
  
• “it is safer there now. does that satisfy you?”
  
• you can see his hair curl behind his ear - it gets long and lays on the nape of his neck neatly
• he’s almost too pretty to be a………”gangster”……..or whatever the jung people were called
• “why is it safer? do the people who sent me the message know i was at the guest house?”
  
• taeyong stiffens, “you saw the message?”
• you shake your head, “no. but it had to be bad, i was suddenly whisked-”
• in true taeyong fashion, he turns his attention mid conversation to mark
• “did you not tell them?”
  
• mark pulls off the highway and into an underpass
• “no, i mean - there’d be too much to explain right?”
  
• taeyong tilts his head then sits back up straight
• “you’re right. it would be too much to explain.”
  
• you want to get all riled up and start asking - hey, i dont care if there is a long explanation! id like to know if my life was threatened!
• but something makes you stop - because right as mark pulls onto the busy streets of the city - you can’t help but look up at the towering buildings and crowded store windows
• you were only gone for a couple of weeks, but something about the solitude made it feel like years
• before you know it, mark is pulling up into the underground parking lot of the jung building and you are stepping back out into a place that seems both familiar and comforting
• but intimidating and terrifying
• “go inside, go to my office. do you remember where it is? just go and act normal and let people see you - see that you’re just the intern again.”
  
• taeyong whispers this fast into your ear before slipping your employee badge into your hand and taking your bag from your hands
• mark nods and you take shaking steps toward the elevator that will bring you up to the 25th floor
• you remember that 27 is the floor of the ceo’s office, there isn’t a 26 from what you know of, and the IT office should be on 25
• you press the number and it dings with a red circle as the elevator moves up.
• you feel kind of nauseous at the sudden realization that you’re back, you’re in the city, in the jung building, why? you still don’t understand
• the door dings open and to your surprise in walks johnny, flanked by haechan and sicheng
• johnny’s face lights up when he sees you - as does sicheng’s, but haechan ignores you all but completely
• “ah - how was the jung’s guest house, it’s totally huge right?”
•  johnny asks and you laugh weakly, so he knows - everyone seems to know something about what is happening with you, but you
  
• sicheng wiggles his fingers in a casual wave and if this was just a normal office, with normal collogues 
• it would have felt ok, but it just feels heavy
• finally you get to the 25th floor - johnny and haechan hurry away and sicheng seems to shadow you down the hall till he also turns into a meeting room instead
• you walk up to the I.T. department door and swipe your card to open it
• it looks the same as when you were here last, neat and tidy. 
• you look at the first desk, taeyong’s desk, and remember that he had instructed you on your tour not to touch anything without permission
• you walk past it and to the small desk in the back that you had worked behind for a bit
• you sit down in the chair and stare at the dark computer screen
• i can’t touch anything, and i don’t have any paperwork, should i just sit here in silence for hours till someone comes to get me?
• that feeling of once again - being a doll posed and stored in a toy box overcomes you - you put your hands out to hover over the keyboard
• but then they just drop back to your side
• you look over your shoulder and at taeyong’s empty desk
• it’s all cleaned up, there isn’t even any dust on the monitor. the files on display on a shelf beside it are color-coded and alphabetized 
• before you can register what your body has decided to do - you are getting up to look closer
• there aren’t any personal items or photos on the desk. no notepads with scribbled passwords or to-dos. the pens are separated between blue, black, and red
• the drawers are all shut, nothing sticking out of them, and then there is a book - one single book - on the right corner of the desk
• it looks like a computing manual, something to do with coding, and you aimlessly open it 
• disobeying the no touching rule
• when a gasp gets caught in your throat 
• the books pages have been cut through and hollowed out, within the hole is your cellphone 
• you recognize the chip in the corner and the blue case hugging the sides
• you stare at it - frozen - is it dead?
• the screen seems to light up in response to your question with a notification from an instagram account you follow
• it’s some idol whose just gone live and that’s when you see it - the unread texts, the emails, the dms 
• you look toward the door and then back at your phone and you can only think of one thing
• that unknown message, is it still on here?
• you know the right thing is to close the book and go back to your desk, sit down and flush your brain of everything that just happened
• it’s the right thing to do because it is the safe thing to do
• and safety is what all this bullshit is about
• but you grit your teeth, you remember taeyong’s expressions - the look of annoyance - the blank sternness - who is he? he’s not the hostage, why am i so scared of breaking some dudes stupid rules?
• the moment of red anger flashes in you and you grab the phone, you go to your message and you see it ‘unkown’
• you open it, there are no words just one emoji - a crown emoji. 
• what is this? some kind of joke? this is why i had to leave the city, be holed up like some kind of prisoner in that huge room, this is just some prank-
• you hear footsteps, the adrenaline pumping through your veins heightens every one of your senses and you know they’re coming toward the door
• you close out of the messenger app and lock the phone again, dropping it back into the hiding space of the book and rushing back to your desk as quietly as possible
• sitting down, you try to even your heartbeat which has started to pound in your ears
• you feel some sweat on your neck and try to shake it off - just don’t look guilty, don’t look guilt!
• the sound of the keycard opening the door resounds like a bell through the room
• taeyong walks in and behind him is mark and jaehyun
• you don’t even look at them, save from the corner of your eye, vision fixated on the desk
• “so that’s the situation, is it?”
  
• “im telling you. the queen isn’t an idiot, if we keep making trips back and forth out of the city she’s going to catch on. we should just keep them here, let them do their work, and turn into another regular, blank face in the crowd. the queen has no interest in nobodys.”
  
• queen? you think, eyes widening a bit, the crown emoji - was it from this queen person?
• “i agree, plus you know her better than i do. plus, spade and heart are a headache to deal with.”
• taeyong clicks his tongue and you turn in time with the sound
• “i don’t want them in my house.”
  
• “ill stay with them. i think it’ll be safer if they just stay in their apartment and i watch over. taeyong doesn’t want too and it’ll look suspicious if it’s him, the queen deals with him hands on after all.”
  
• the three men make a decision, once again not involving you at all, and jaehyun leaves without a word but his order is silent and obvious
• well, you two take care of this
• mark approaches you first and taeyong goes to his desk - hand sweeping over it - like he’s looking for evidence that something was moved or touched
• “hey, so - i know that conversation was kinda a lot, but everyone thinks it’ll be ok for you to go back to your place and um - well -”
  
• mark’s neck gets red, you can tell he’s nervous about asking if he can stay with you
• you smile, “it’s ok. you can stay if it’s for my safety.”
• the words leave your lips, but somehow you are doing it again, looking through mark and at taeyong
• you just keep throwing me to mark, you really hate being responsible for me don’t you?
• taeyong’s back flexes under the dress shirt he’s wearing when he touches the book and you go rigid
• did he notic-
• “mark, take them to lunch or something. we need more people to see them and know they’re really just interning here.”
  
• mark nods and offers his hand to you - you take it and as you walk past the desk, you watch taeyong sit down
• gorgeous features twisted, and then out of nowhere, he meets your gaze
• and you don’t know why but you feel like you should look away
• so you do.
• somehow you know everyone except you to fall back into this fake normalcy easily
• instead of being locked in some big room in a house by the sea, paranoid about who could open the door next
• you should enjoy the distraction of regular life
• get up in your apartment, the only difference being mark who is still too embarrassed to even change in front of you let alone take any of the breakfast you offer
• go to the office, do mundane tasks for the other departments when they need IT help, smile at johnny and taeil and sometimes yuta, get ignored by haechan and jaehyun, eat lunch at your desk, go back to your apartment and text all your friends: 
• sorry i cant come out! feeling really drowsy from the work and weather!
• but falling back into this routine does jack shit for you
• because you still exist in a stage of paranoia and awkward aggravation that coats you whenever you are anywhere near taeyong
• he isn’t even doing the job you picked him for, and yet he is still so dismissive of you
• and not in the straight-up-ignore you kind of way haechan is 
• but in a, why are you in my space?, kind of way
• when you’re near him, typing or doing some kind of useless paperwork you almost sense how tense he is
• he always has to take off his blazer and he always touches the knots that appear in his joints from being so damn on eggshells around you
• and you try to think of a reason why
• maybe he’s one of those extreme germaphobes - having others so close makes him feel dirty 
• but how could that be true, he’s spent all this time in the “underworld” of seoul with the rest of the jung people
• so is it you - something about you - your smell? the way you look? the way you walk?
• the thought vexes you further, what’s some guy got to say about you - even in this stressful situation you’ve done nothing but try and keep up all appearances
• sometimes you sit in the tub of your bathroom and scrub for so long, mark thinks you’ve climbed out the window, because truth be told
• you don’t feel comfortable with yourself anymore
• you feel like you’re made of plastic 
• walking around like a puppet on strings 
• don’t go here, don’t text that friend, go back and home, follow mark, don’t bother taeyong, do everything normal. don’t do anything you want to.
• at some point you get suffocated by it - and taeyong’s behavior doesn’t make it better 
• especially not when you accidentally bump into him on the way down the stairs and send the file in his hand flying
• he groans and when you reach to pick it up he snatches it and tells you to get out of his way
• it might be the way he says it that breaks the straw on the camels back and you spin on your heel to tell him to think about getting out of your way
• when you see he’s gone
• but you don’t let it go. 
• you know mark trusts you enough now to go straight home after work, plus being driven around in one of the expensive cars will throw off this whole normalcy cover, so when its time to clock out
• you take some extra time packing your things away and taeyong must be getting sick of being in the small space with you 
• so he leaves first, just like you planned
• you would just burst out and confront him here, but you ……. need to be somewhere in public
• he’s still a mystery - he’s not like mark or johnny who you know theoretically could snap you in half if they wanted, but would - on morals - not do that
• taeyong is different. you don’t know anything about his temper, just that he really doesn’t seem to like being near you
• so you are going to follow him, against all better judgement, and set it straight
• you may be a hostage, you may be involved in this stupid situation, but you are not some kind of doll or animal to be treated with such …… cruelty 
• you do your best to be quiet, packing your things and leaving after taeyong
• it’s already dark out, a friday night, so many people are bustling around with their lovers and friends
• taeyong, to your surprise, doesn’t head to the parking lot or to a car. you thought you’d get him before he got into one - enough of a safe space that someone walking by could hear if something happened
• but also private enough that you could flush out the details of why he was so - whatever you could call it - cold? unnerving? 
• but he keeps walking, turning a corner and the another that you barely keep up with it
• he seems concentrated - he doesn’t look over his shoulder - doesn’t acknowledge the gasps of shock from people who probably have never seen someone with a face like that
• he just keeps walking, like the world is a runway and it’s just him
• you give up being quiet and just do your best to keep up and then - taeyong stops 
• so you duck behind an alley corner and watch in suspense
• he looks up at the neon lights of a …. laundromat? and then reaches for the door
• he’s……he’s picking up his laundry? that’s….well he is a person afterall….
• you follow inside too after a minute, but as you walk in - you realize the place is empty
• the sound of machines dulls on your ears and you look around for someone, maybe behind the register or someone pressing clothes in the back
• but it is literally. empty. 
• the only thing that happens is you hear a loud slam and you turn your head to the direction of the sound
• it comes from behind the counter, and you know you shouldn’t go there - you aren’t an employee or even a customer so you just stare
• but ….. but that must be where taeyong went because he isn’t anywhere else
• you take a shaking step forward, then another, and another until you’ve breached the little turn of the counter and back toward where you guess there’s an office and then a door down into a basement
• the office feels warm, a little heater in the corner is still on and the computer screen shows some kind of schedule
• you are about to look closer, when you hear shuffling from near the machines
• it’s a split second decision, but you rush to the door of what you assume is the basement and turn it - nearly falling through when you realize there is a staircase descending down
• you have no choice but to rush down, cursing yourself out in your head because what the fuck are you going to do? wait in this basement until morning?
• but as soon as you get to the bottom you see another door - you open it, because you guess you just do that now - open random doors that might lead to nowhere - when a bright light and a cacophony of sounds hits you
• it takes a moment for you to fully adjust when you realize you aren’t in a basement 
• you are on a………………casino floor
• you see the golden machines, the wheels of fortune, the marble bar counter and the rows of tables that spread so far out that they become little specks
• somewhere there is live music, the smell of alcohol and smoke filling from every corner
• for a moment you tell yourself: ok , you are dreaming. this looks like the set of a movie - this cannot be -
• “are you looking to join a game?”
  
• someone asks you suddenly and you turn to see a burly looking man, two women hanging tipsily on his sides
• “we need another player for blackjack!”
  
• you swallow the fear and alarm bells and shake your head, “ah no - im going to play the um slots.”
• that’s what they’re called right? i think i saw that in a movie once?
• he makes a gruff sound and shakes his head toward the table
• “no no, the slots aren’t where the money is - come and join my game, im at table 127.”
  
• you smile and try to politely refuse again. this is already way too much to take in and you don’t know how to fucking gamble! you always hated places like this so noisy, so loud, so -
• “ahhh if they won’t want to play let’s ask the queen for a match?”
  
• one of the drunk girls slurs and you perk up - the queen?
• the intimidatingly large man suddenly seems to shrink a little
• “no, we don’t bother the queen down here. let’s go girls.”
  
• he turns, somehow managing to hook their thin bodies against him and out of sight before you get in another word
• really, did i get sucked into a cartoon? where am i and who is this queen?
• you look around and then you see something familiar, the coat taeyong was wearing that he’s shrugging off before going through the thick of people to the back tables
• well whatever, im here now let’s just get this over with - you begin to trudge after him
• dodging giggling drunks and aggravated card players every which way all while trying not to lose sight of taeyong
• but he’s nimble and fast and he makes it to the tables before you can see which one he sits at and you still getting overwhelmed by this secret casino that you think you might double over
• when a pretty hand flutters to your shoulder
• “are you ok, you look lost?”
  
• you take in a breath and turn to see a beautiful young girl, her hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and she’s wearing a tailored suit 
• she has no makeup on and yet her bare skin is beautiful, she has a name tag pinned to her lapel with a little spade beside it 
• ‘seulgi’
  
• “ah - im ok, i just i have had so much to drink and so i feel a little queasy.”
  
• you lie again through your teeth and the girl smiles, her eyes turning upward into two cute moons 
• is she security? or staff? she looks way too sweet to be working here where everyone else looks kind of……..suspicious
• “i see, i dont smell any alcohol on you but if you want to sit down let me help you over to one of the comfier chairs.”
  
• she slides her hand down over your back and to your other shoulder and she helps you toward a lounging area in a corner of the huge room
• you are about to tell her you are fine, and you didn’t mean to bother here when the lights suddenly flicker from bright white to red
• you stand up and seulgi smiles again, “ah the queen is here to play a game.”
• “who is the queen?”
  
• the smile on seulgi’s otherwise friendly face waivers a bit and she opens here eyes to reveal the dark brown beneath
• “you don’t know of the queen?”
  
• “it’s my- fi-first time here!” you try to explain, feeling the sweat build up on your neck again “i have heard of her and all, but i don’t know her identity and such.”
  
• seugli seems to buy this and she smiles again, “of course, the queen doesn’t talk about herself much. but her real name is irene - and she owns this casino.”
• you feel your knees buckle a little - a queen who owns an underground gambling ring? seems pretty up the alley of dangerous people you shouldn’t get involved with
• you suddenly remember the text with the crown emoji 
• “ah - really? i bet she’s beautiful.” you say just to clear the tension that has begun to pile up and seulgi nods
• “very beautiful. do you want to see her up close, if you feel up to it - she has a seat open at her table.”
  
• you open your mouth to decline, no no way do you want to play with the queen 
• when suddenly you feel seulgi almost dragging you toward it
• “ah no, im not a good player and i don’t want to interfere with-”
  
• “nonsense, cards are for everyone of every skill set and im sure she’ll be happy to entertain. the queen loves nothing more than getting new….customers”
  
• seulgi’s smile stretches and you try to wrench out of her hold but she’s so surprisingly strong
• before you know it you are infront of a chair and you look down at it and then back up across the table where you see
• taeyong?!?!?
• his eyes are so wide they look as they’ve turned to saucers when he meets your gaze
• he then looks abruptly to his hand and once again pays you no attention
• seulgi gently, but with a very dominant hand gets you to sit down
• the queen still hasn’t arrived, you can tell because at the head of the card table a large chair is waiting for its occupant
• and when you turn, you are surprised that seulgi is still standing behind you
• smile on her face, hands behind her back
• what the hell have i gotten myself into?
• you are dealt a hand and you know nothing about cards - so you just stare at them blankly - till another commotion stirs and the live band suddenly switches from melodic jazz to an upbeat almost tango like beat
• you turn your head and watch as a woman, small and thin walks toward the chair
• her black hair is down and straight, swaying in an elegant current behind her
• at her left is a taller woman dressed in dashing red sequins and lipstick to match - a strap over her shoulder leading to an automatic weapon the size of which you’ve never even seen before
• you feel something move behind you and watch as seulgi leaves her post to flank on the right of the shorter woman - who you assume is the queen - and pull out of her suit jacket a glittering silver glock
• she folds her hands back over her front, but the gun is kept in plain view
• as the queen sits down she looks around the table and you feel almost sick when her sights set on you
• she smirks to herself and gets comfortable, “spade - did we deal?”
• “yes, your hand is here.”
  
• seulgi moves the face down cards toward the queen and you vaguely remember the conversation you overhead
• if seulgi is spade then - the tallest one must be heart?
• your thought is confirmed when the queen wags a perfectly manicured finger and tells heart to go get her one of the pink mojitos from the bar
• your mouth feels dry as the game starts
• the symbols and numbers jumble in your head and you do the only thing you can think of 
• you try to fake some kind of confidence
• the table is huge and it takes a while to get to you, at some point it gets to taeyong and he places a card of his on the table
• you note that the queen chuckles to herself and that spade flexes her shoulder
• you count - seven more people till it gets to me, should i just pass? should i make some kind of scene and escape? fuck fuck fuck i didn’t think i’d ever end up here -
• a shout rings through the casino and suddenly the game comes to an abrupt halt
• spade and heart move in front of the queen - spade whipping the gun off the strap and up into her hands
• unmoved, the queen gestures with her hand for everyone to stay still
• but right after the inital scream, a gunshot rings out and then another, and the entire table which was already sitting in suspense turns to chaos
• the two people beside you jump to their feet, pulling their own concealed    weapons from their jackets and pants
• and then you look up - but taeyong is gone from his seat 
• where did he-
• something wraps around your waist and pulls you into it - you look over your shoulder and see the sharp profile of taeyong’s jawline
• “follow me.”
  
• his voice is deeper than usual and you are more than glad to run right behind him as he pushes you in front of him and toward a set of doors behind the back bar
• you rush  through and feel taeyong take a hold of the back of your shirt, slowing you a bit as you try to stay together in the crazed crowd 
• there are more sounds of shots and screaming, but your brain goes fuzzy as taeyong grabs your hand in his and makes another dash up a pair of stairs and out into the cold night breeze
• the door opens into an empty lot behind the building of the laundromat and before the scene can get anymore hectic he urges you to go up the block and turn into an alley
• you do as you’re told, scared that if you don’t you’ll be caught in the wave of people or worse - the police will show up and everything will turn worse
• when you turn into the alley, you check to see taeyong is behind you - even though his hand is still in yours
• he is, and you can see the sweat sticking his bangs to his forehead
• you both stop in the cramped alleyway and the sounds continue on from farther down the street
• taeyong doesn’t seem like he can hold it in and he snaps; “what were you doing down there?”
• you snap back; “following you! i needed to tell you something!”
• he stares in the darkness and then throws his head to the side with a groan, he takes his phone out and calls someone with a quick speed dial
• “where are you?”
  
• there’s a lot of noise that comes from the phone and you realize it’s the voice of mark
• oh right, he’s probably worried why i didn’t come home.
• “yeah, i know. i have them. ill bring them back now - but fuck ill tell you when i get there.”
  
• the phone call ends and taeyong stays silent for a moment till he tells you to follow him again
• you do, just because you literally have no other option, and then suddenly ask
• “so the text was from her right? from the queen?”
  
• he abruptly turns to you and says you should be quiet now - stop asking idiotic questions.
• “it’s not idiotic, is she a threat? why would she want me-”
  
• “it doesn’t matter.”
  
• taeyong takes a hold of both your arms and backs you up into a wall of the alley - he’s not rough or mean instead he seems almost desperate 
• “it doesn’t matter, just stay away from her or anyone and me. stay away from me.”
  
• “but i chose you.”
  
• taeyong’s eyes flash for a moment - there’s a look of shock and also a softness, an almost apologetic tenderness in them that fades as soon as it appears
• “you shouldn’t have.”
  
• he lets you go and you want to say something but your voice dies a little
• the events of the evening have taken a toll on you and you nearly fall over when taeyong’s hold lets go completely, he stops to make sure you don’t tumble over onto the street
• but his eyes are all but cold again
• mark is furious when you get back to your apartment - you can’t tell who he is more angry at you or taeyong - and then taeyong takes him aside to explain what happened and then you can’t tell if mark is more furious at you, taeyong, or the queen
• you try to piece together what you can from random snippets of the conversation, but none of what they’re saying and arguing about helps you understand the new question on your mind:
• why would the queen want you?
• maybe it is to have some leverage over the jungs, but that doesn’t make sense. you have no information on the jungs. you were just a witness to a group of criminals that the queen herself apparently conspires with
• so needing you for intel wasn’t plausible
• the only other thing that came to mind was your connection to taeyong - which, you didn’t even think existed - but maybe the queen had misinterpreted
• was she maybe someone under the impression you meant something to taeyong? 
• you snort at the thought and catch both mark and taeyong’s attention - but you just shake it off
• no, she could easily just look up my history or send someone to tail us and see that i ……….. 
• i am nothing to lee taeyong.
• “i don’t think you should be the one to watch them anymore.”
  
• you snap your head around to see mark look at taeyong with confusion
• “what are you talking about, now that the queen knows about them you should keep your distance. i can keep guarding-”
  
• “mark, you haven’t ever dealt with the queen and i have. ill be in charge now-” taeyong spares you a glance “although i really dont want to be.”
  
• well i dont want you either! im fine with mark!
• is what you wish to spit back, but you don’t mean it. you chose taeyong because - above everyone else - you knew he was as serious and as dilligent as he looked
• and he was supposed to be your manager anyway, if anything you had one thing in common with him, he must have been the head of IT for a reason
• and you knew about computers - at least there was that, little thin string of fate between you
• or so you had thought. now you think there’s another reason. stubbornness.
• you had done nothing wrong, really you had been the one absolutely screwed over by this whole operation, but you were being treated by him as if you were the one to blame
• and you didn’t like that - maybe it was childish to put your self respect above all now, but you weren’t going to just let taeyong get away with it
• you were going to find out what it was
• what it was - were you really just a nuisance in the way of his otherwise “perfect criminal life” or was there something else wrong with taeyong
• “fine. but im going to do check-ins and im going to ask johnny to help me. if anything is weird and if you -”
  
• mark gets so close to taeyong you don’t really hear the rest of his sentence except when he pulls back
• “-i will get jaehyun involved.”
  
• taeyong slips the handgun you’ve seen him carry around before and drop it on your coffee table
• you stare at it then back at the two men
• “fine. are you going to go now?”
  
• mark nods and then looks over at you - the once angered scowl goes soft again - “you have my number right?”
• you wave around the phone you got from him and grin
• but mark suddenly goes serious again, “and don’t go into that casino again.”
• that first night you spend it all awake again - sitting up in your bed and trying to recollect any information from everything that happened today
• you also listen, for any sound from the living room where taeyong is and all you hear is the soft mutter whenever he turns over in his sleep or almost rolls off your couch
• for what its worth - you can’t believe he even managed to fall asleep - the sweat of being at that card table in front of the queen was enough to keep you from even closing your eyes
• but after that, once again, you are expected to just fall into normalcy
• but it is even worse now because the anomaly which was mark lee in your apartment is now lee taeyong
• and where mark was a little awkward, taeyong spares not a second thought
• you walk in on him with his clothes coming off before he changes, you walk in on him reloading his weapons, you walk in on him with his laptop open to what you assume are highly confidential tax files of the jungs
• and he never bats an eyelash
• and he also doesn’t talk
• where mark would at least offer words of comfort, taeyong has chosen utter silence
• and even when you ask him questions - he responds with either nothing at all or a curt shake of his head
• you abhor it - you had felt all weird about being treated like this before at the office, but now that it is in your own home you cannot stand it
• i can confront him here, i wanted to do it in public to avoid any harm he might cause but whatever. i cannot do this anymore!
• you resolve on a weekend evening and you open your door - teeth gritted and hands in fists as you march into the living room
• “taeyong i need to-”
  
• the room is empty and you feel a gush of terror shiver up your spine
• did he leave? did someone take him? am i alone now or-
• “what?”
  
• the door to the bathroom opens and you turn to see taeyong standing there with a loose towel around his hips 
• his wet hair is sticking to his skin and he is looking at you with the most disrespectful disinterest you have ever been acquinted with in your life
• but you
• you can’t help but stare in disbelief
• his body has to be carved of some kind of precious stone, all sharp and lithe, but strong either way
• his eyes are darkened by the bags that build up under his lower lash line but they make him look more like a wild animal than they do tired
• and he has not a single blemish anywhere 
• but a large scar that runs across his left shoulder and dips down toward his elbow
• you look at it for a moment too long and taeyong asks again, harsher - “what?”
• “i- i wanted - i wanted to ask you wh-”
  
• you can’t put your thoughts into a coherent sentence, let alone even make a thought conjure in your brain
• instead you just turn and walk back into your room slamming your door shut and trying to shake the image of him out of your head
• how could you have not heard the water running? was he doing this on purpose? you absolutely want to curl up into a ball and die
• when after a couple of minutes you hear a knock on your door
• you don’t want to be berated like you were in the alley after you escaped the casino
• but your parents never raised you to be the rude one - so you pull yourself up by whatever energy you have left and open it
• thank god taeyong is dressed again, and he takes a deep breath before he mutters “three things. you can ask me three things.”
• the propisition almost knocks you off your feet and taeyong adds that if you don’t ask quickly he will just walk away
• so you agree and follow him out into your little living room
• “ok - ok one, is- is the queen the person who sent the message to my phone?”
  
• taeyong’s jaw tightens but he nods, “yes.”
• “yes?”
  
• “yes. next question.”
  
• “who is she - why would she threaten me?”
  
• taeyong sits down on the sofa and you keep standing - mostly because your anticipation for his answer makes you feel like you’ve been struck by lightening
• “she runs the casino. she’s in the business of foreign arms trade just like the jungs are and i frequent the card games because she’s a client and it’s - it’s just protocol -”
  
• he sucks in his teeth and then adds “she’s probably after you to have some leverage over the jungs for the next weapons deal.”
• “that makes no sense.”
• taeyong lifts an eyebrow and looks at you and you put your hands on your hips
• “im not leverage at all - i mean nothing to any of you, you would just have her kill me if-”
  
• taeyong stands now too and walks over to you, he looks angry but he doesn’t - he doesn’t raise his voice or snide at you
• “do you really believe that? that after all this stupid trouble we would just let you get murdered at the hands of another gang?”
• you don’t really know what to say - because you can’t deny it, they have done their best to keep you safe for so long, but also
• you are literally no one. a regular, blank face in the crowd. why they didn’t just kill you that first night-
• you shake off the thought, it’s to terrifying to even entertain and so you finally ask your third question, with taeyong as close to you as he’s ever been
• “why do you hate being around me?”
  
• the air goes stagnant as the last syllable leaves your lips and you aren’t sure what is going to happen
• is taeyong going to blow up again - accuse you (with some evidence) that you must be crazy to think that because if it were true you would still be back at that casino
• or is he going to give you some kind of answer, meaningful or not
• you feel almost selfish for asking it, which you know isn’t the right reaction either, it is only human nature to want to know why you evoke some kind of emotion in someone
• but with the way everything is going - the path your life is currently on - you don’t fault your mind for being twisted too
• there is a long pause in the stall silence of the living room and then taeyong speaks
• “i don’t hate being around you. i hate what might happen if i let it go on for too long.”
  
• your hands kind of drop to your sides and you whisper, “i don’t understand what you mean.”
• taeyong looks at you - like really, for the first time looks at you, you don’t register it but he is taking in everything
• you still have the little mark he on your ear - the one he noticed when he was first introduced to you by jaehyun
• and you are doing the thing where you avoid direct eye contact every ten seconds when you want to say something else
• and you - he didn’t see that before - but you have the color of eyes that remind him of a memory so deep down in his mind
• that if it tries to get to the surface, years of mental training just pushes it back
• but one look - one hard look at you - and it comes floating to the top
• “i lied about question two.” his voice dips into a softness you aren’t used to and you ask what he means
  
• “the queen does do business with us and i am the middleman, but you - wouldn’t be leverage over the jungs for her. you would be leverage over me.”
  
• the still air suddenly seems to grab a hold of you and keep you staunchly glued to your position in the living room
• taeyong doesn’t move either. you think if you keep standing here, neither of you might move for another lifetime
• “but im nothing to you, im just a regular person who picked you to take care of-”
  
• “no, you don’t understand.” taeyong looks up at you and his lashes are long and somehow still heavy with a little bit of water from his fresh shower
  
• he looks like a painting, a statue from a museum that broke through the frame or chains and walked all of seoul to get here
• to you
• “when you picked me, it marked you. you are my responsibility - so you are my weakness. the queen……….has a grudge against me. it can never be repaid in weapons or money or material possessions - it can only be repaid in -”
  
• he touches the scar under his shirt, you watch him run his fingers down the outline
• “in my grief, in my pain. so now that she knows im responsible for you - she’ll do anything to take you away from me because you might think you are nothing to me but you -”
• he stops himself and you feel like someone has just driven you to the edge of a cliff and before letting you fall over they’ve just disappeared
• “it doesn’t matter, i answered three questions like i said.”
  
• he moves away and toward the sofa and you shake your head, finally free from the ghostly grasp on you
• “no - you can’t just say that and not tell me.”
  
• you sit down beside him and taeyong does nothing when you get into his personal space he just looks at you up close
• how is someone thrown into such chaos still so clueless?
•  shoving yourself into him, a criminal - a mysterious man who you’ve spent no more than two months with - how are you not afraid?
• “if im nothing than what am i?”
  
• “you’re my responsibility. im not going to let you get hurt.”
  
• it’s a generic answer with absolutely no emotion behind it, so you dig again
• “no - you could have just handed me permanently off to mark then. why am i here with you then. lee taeyong, if im really nothing or something to protect like a porcelain doll on the high shelf of a bookcase then why am i-”
  
• taeyong leans in his lips flutter to the corner of yours and the entire world stops spinning
• you think you hear a sound of broken sadness in his voice when he whipsers against your skin
• “you are everything - because you are free, you don’t belong to anyone. you aren’t in debt to anyone. and you are a real -”
  
• he breathes in and then pulls back as he seems to come into his senses
• he gets up and puts his hands over his mouth like it has just touched fire
• “im sorry-”
  
• he starts and then seems to double over
• you get up and try to help him, but he just ducks from your touch immediately
• “please, im sorry just lea- just leave me alone. please.”
  
• you know this isn’t him just trying to get out of a conversation so you respect his wishes and back away and into your room
• you shut the door and then turn to the closed window beside your desk
• yanking it open you stick your head out into the night sky
• you breath it in and try to process what just happened
• lee taeyong…………tried to kiss me?
• you can’t even fully wrap your mind around it when you hear your phone calling 
• you almost hit your head pulling it from the window and reach for the phone to see who it is
• you expect mark or johnny, someone checking up on you, but the number is unknown
• you blink and on reflex pick up before cursing to yourself
• whoever is on the other line giggles
• “that’s not very sweet language, now tell me - are you going to come back and play a game with me some time soon?”
  
• that voice………..it’s………..it’s the………
• “you do remember don’t you, im the queen. but you can call me irene if you want~ either way, you must come back and join me for a game. spade - ah you might know her as seulgi mentioned you wanted to meet me and well, we were so rudely interrupted last time.”
  
• you open your mouth, but the queen seems to sense it and makes a long shhhh sound into the receiver
• you can’t even eek out a word so you listen
• “i’ll be waiting then and oh, do bring taeyong along with you. i do always love to see him at my table.”
  
• the line goes dead and the phone slips from your hand and down to the floor
• the door opens and it’s taeyong again - he looks like he’s still struggling and wants to apologize again
• but the paled look on your face brings him drastically back to a look of concern
• he sees the phone and your expression and it all clicks into place
• “she called, didn’t she?”
• so much for just being regular…...
• you think as you look at doyoung and jungwoo who are stationed by the entrance to your apartment - both holding weapons and talking through ear pieces
• you know down by the street is a car with sicheng and haechan in it and at the end of the hall in the empty apartment is johnny and taeil
• jaehyun is one call away - fretting about the relationship between the jungs and the queens people more than he is about you 
• which is fine on your part, you actually wish so badly that everyone would just go away
• you just want to be alone with taeyong again and you want him to let you know what this is all - at the core about -
• “i need permission to stay in your bedroom.”
  
• mark’s voice waivers with a shyness but you can tell he is more than anything telling you rather than simply requesting
• “someone has to have eyes on you all hours of the -”
  
• “taeyong?”
  
• you turn to try and find him and he gets up as soon as he hears his name
• mark’s lips thin a little and he looks at taeyong with defeat, “they want you.”
• taeyong nods as mark switches places with him and taeyong reels a bit when he whispers
• “you should take mark.”
  
• “no. you know her people the best, you’re my safest option.”
  
• something looks almost hurt by that reasoning in taeyong’s eyes and you want to add “but i also still need to talk to you” which you decide wouldn’t be the most ideal to say now
• when the entire building of yours is crawling with jung people
• taeyong nods and he follows you into your room again - you shut and lock the door and he gets the window before he slides down onto the floor
• “what are you doing?”
  
• “it’s carpeted so it should be fin-”
  
• you tug him up by the wrist - and taeyong knows he could resist (as you also know he could) but he lets you 
• and you tug him over to the bed
• “i wanted to apologize again for touching you back then i shouldn’t hav-”
  
• he starts and you know he’s talking about the almost kiss and you just groan
• “shuttup, like anyone would be sorry to have been kissed by you. you have seen yourself right?”
  
• taeyong stirs
• “and also - i don’t care about it. if it was a mistake or a reason to make me stop talking, what i care about is what you said after. you said i don’t belong to anyone, that im not in debt to anyone is that what this is.”
  
• you hear some noise outside the door - footsteps and everything - but right now 
• you are in this bubble with taeyong
• “do you owe something to the queen, and now she’s going to do anything to get you back for it?”
  
• you hit the nail on the head - you can tell just from the way taeyong tries hard not to swallow and his pupils almost expand
• you wait and you wait and you wait
• and taeyong thinks again to himself - what are you, you aren’t normal, stickign your noise into dangerous business. chasing him into that casino. you are - something different.
• “yes.”
  
• “do you owe her money - i don’t get it you said it’s not about-”
  
• you choke out the words when he suddenly pull his shirt up and off - he takes your hand and gently places it on the scar that he wears on his shoulder
• “she did this. when you become one of the queens cards, you take an oath. i didn’t want to do that so she - she ran after me with a knife and -”
  
• you furrow your eyebrows
• “wait - she wanted you to work for her? but she only had women around her-”
  
• “she wanted me to be the ace. her spade is seulgi and her heart is joy, the club is another woman named yeri and i was going to be the ace. because she trusted me and i ……. and i chose the jungs.”
  
• you look at the risen and healed skin
• “why the jungs?”
  
• “you asked why you didn’t get killed on the night you found out about us…….its because as harsh and as illegal some of the things the jungs do - they are not going to take someone innocent and murder them. at least, jaehyun wouldn’t allow it. his father probably doesn’t care either way.”
  
• taeyong slips his shirt back on and looks at you
• “the q- irene is ruthless. it’s hard being a woman in the underground, she doesn’t have any other choice but to be cruel. im not saying that she’s the devil - but if you had stumbled into a situation like yours in front of her - i can’t be certain that she’d give you an ultimatum.”
  
• you picture irene in your head, with her beautiful small face and eyes like black diamonds scanning the table 
• she’s just like taeyong, gorgeous beyond earthly belief, but maybe a part of her humanity is gone too
• “is that her grudge, that you chose the jungs and not her?”
  
• “yes, that’s part of it. i think i hurt her - she wasn’t in love with me or anything, don’t get me wrong, but i think she thought she had my allegiance and …… she didn’t.”
  
• “so she probably felt betrayed, or like something of hers was taken.”
  
• you mumble and you don’t realize how close you are now to taeyong
• his body heat surrounding you and yours surronding him
• “exactly, so now she thinks she must take something of mine and that maybe it’ll hurt me enough or convince me to come back to her side- i don’t know but right now i know that she-”
  
• his hand twitches and you’re young sure but you know when a man wants to touch you
• so you reach and let the nervous fingers of his drop to your shoulder - then trail up your neck
• “i know that she believes if she takes you - she’ll win.”
  
• all of that disgust, annoyance, and general sourness that you had felt from taeyong almost since the first day of your time with the jungs seems to have been wiped clean
• right now the only