It’s great for your skin

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

THE ZODIAC SIGNS AS ARCTIC MONKEYS SONGS BY ALBUM

Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not:

ARIES - riot van

TAURUS - perhaps vampires is a bit strong but…

GEMINI - still take you home

CANCER – mardy bum

LEO - the view from the afternoon

VIRGO - a certain romance

LIBRA - red light indicates doors are secured

SCORPIO - dancing shoes

SAGITTARIUS- fake tales of San Francisco

CAPRICORN -  i bet that you look good on the dancefloor

AQUARIUS – from the Ritz to the rubble

PISCES - when the sun goes down

Favourite worst nightmare:

ARIES - balaclava

TAURUS - teddy picker

GEMINI - fluorescent adolescent

CANCER –the bad thing

LEO - this house is a circus

VIRGO - old yellow bricks

LIBRA - if you were there, beware

SCORPIO - d is for dangerous

SAGITTARIUS- brianstorm

CAPRICORN -  505

AQUARIUS –only one who knows

PISCES - do me a favour

Humbug:

ARIES – crying lightning

TAURUS - dance litte liar

GEMINI – potion approaching

CANCER –my propeller

LEO - cornerstone

VIRGO - secret door

LIBRA - pretty visitors

SCORPIO - fire and thud

SAGITTARIUS- dangerous animals

CAPRICORN - crying lightning

AQUARIUS –the jeweller´s hands

PISCES - cornerstone

 Suck it and see:

ARIES – brick by brick

TAURUS - suck it and see

GEMINI - library pictures

CANCER – reckless serenade

LEO - black treacle

VIRGO - piledriver waltz

LIBRA – she´s thunderstorms

SCORPIO - dont sit down cause I´ve moved your chair

SAGITTARIUS- all my own stunts

CAPRICORN -  thats were you were wrong

AQUARIUS –the hellcat spangled shalalala

PISCES -love is a laserquest

 AM:

ARIES - one for the road

TAURUS - mad sounds

GEMINI - snap out of it

CANCER – knee socks

LEO – why´d you only call me when you´re high?

VIRGO - r u mine?

LIBRA - n1 party anthem

SCORPIO - i want it all

SAGITTARIUS- fireside

CAPRICORN - do i wanna know?

AQUARIUS – arabella

PISCES - i wanna be yours

 Tranquility base hotel and casino:

 ARIES - she looks like fun

TAURUS - tranquility base hotel and casino

GEMINI - the ultracheese

CANCER – the world´s first ever monster truck front flip

LEO - golden trunks

VIRGO - four out of five

LIBRA - batphone

SCORPIO - star treatment

SAGITTARIUS- american sports

CAPRICORN -  tranquility base hotel and casino

AQUARIUS –one point perspective

PISCES - science fiction

Aries:Tanja- 4 kids and a minivan that can’t quit

Taurus: Pam- Never hesitates to mention how their 7 year old soccer player son scored a goal last Saturday 

Gemini:Helen- Drinks to forget but always remembers 

Cancer:Stacy- Takes naps for 2/3s of the day and watches tv for the other 1/3

Leo: Diane- Feels chilly at any temperature except 90 degrees

Virgo:Susan- “You know what Tom I think we’re gonna have to cut back on the pepper; this casserole is TOO spicy!”

Libra:Sharon- Drinks red wine on her patio at 2 pm on a Tuesday 

Scorpio:Betty- Only talks about the newest weightless plan and slips broccoli into their kids brownies

Sagittarius: Judy- Watches cooking shows but has never seen salt in person

Capricorn:Deborah- Never shuts up about her famous casserole 

Aquarius: Carol- Hangs out with Sharon and shit-talks the other moms

Pisces: Kristy- Got a Roomba and put google eyes on it

Aries:Tried to drink their own pee like Bear Grylls 

Taurus: Wore a Furry Suit during hunting season 

Gemini:Licked a battery and got electrocuted 

Cancer:Ate too much cinnamon during the cinnamon challenge 

Leo:Crossed the street w/out looking both ways 

Virgo:Forgot to bring a coat on the coldest day of the year

Libra:Looked down a shotgun barrel 

Scorpio:Tried to sell drugs and asked “is Pepsi ok?”

Sagittarius: Went to Australia w/out bug spray

Capricorn:Believed in the 5 second rule 

Aquarius: Entered a room w/out turning on the lights and got murdered

Pisces:Slipped on a banana peel

Aries: Died in the first hour, probably got caught sitting on the toilet

Taurus: Becomes a Zombie killing god, kills the equivalent of New York

Gemini:Dies of dysentery

Cancer: Becomes the leader of an army, just like a Walking Dead villain 

Leo:Claimed an entire Costco for themselves, lives forever

Virgo:Cries in a corner and drinks 13-week old Gatorade 

Libra: Survived for 7 months then killed by another human

Scorpio: The first to become infected

Sagittarius: Got bit in the arm so they cut it off and replaced it with a chainsaw

Capricorn:Kills travelers for their stuff

Aquarius: Accidentally steps in a bear trap and dies of blood loss

Pisces: Develops a cure

Aries: The effects of Coca-cola on bones

Taurus: “How the shape of solid matter effects the way light waves reflect” aka the bitch that won first prize every time 

Gemini:Baking soda volcano 

Cancer: “Does color affect taste??”

Leo:Plant growth but with a predicament 

Virgo:What kind of web spiders make on different hallucinogens 

Libra: Making a lightbulb work with ‘potato power’

Scorpio:A highly scientific project that their mom clearly did

Sagittarius: A last minute project on what they ate last night 

Capricorn: “How do [insert common household pet] react to music?!”

Aquarius: A highly not accurate model of the solar system

Pisces: “HOW MANY TIMES CAN I GET SHOCKED AND SURVIVE??”

Aries: Gef the talking mongoose 

Taurus:Skunk ape

Gemini:Batsquatch

Cancer: Yukon Beaver Eater

Leo: The X Monkey 

Virgo:Goatman

Libra:Veggieman

Scorpio:Lizardman

Sagittarius:Pongo

Capricorn: Czechoslovakian Dong Wrangler

Aquarius:Mothman

Pisces:Spingheel Jack

Aries:Shiny lip gloss 

Taurus: Spiked/studded belts 

Gemini:Bedazzled Jeans 

Cancer:Butterfly clips 

Leo: Silly bandz

Virgo: Side bangs 

Libra:Sweatpants with the words “JUICY” on the butt

Scorpio:Tamagotchis

Sagittarius:Shutter shades 

Capricorn: Razor scooters 

Aquarius: Bleached hair + bronzed skin

Pisces:Heelys

The leader, does 90% of the work and is still salty that they’ll get the same grade as the other members: Aries, Gemini, Capricorn, Libra

Snack guy, forgot to to the group work but never forgot to bring the dollar store snack bags: Taurus, Virgo

The trier, really did try to do the work but they either did it so bad that the leader had to take over or it was just really minimal: Pisces, Cancer, Leo

Freeloader, did nothing but eat snack guys snacks, the only time they took it seriously was when it was due and even then they sucked: Scorpio, Aquarius, Sagittarius 

Aries: cheese omelets w/ cheese on top served with cheese slices

Taurus: bagel with cream cheese 

Gemini:tries to eat Trix but the fuckin bunny keeps snatching the bowl

Cancer:whatever Capricorn made

Leo:extra T H I C C slices of cake

Virgo:strawberries and whip cream 

Libra:cereal but they pour the milk first 

Scorpio: souls of the damned

Sagittarius:whatever they can grab the fastest

Capricorn: its hard to eat breakfast when Cancer keeps stealing it

Aquarius:Chinese takeout 

Pisces: dinner for breakfast to balance out the breakfast for dinner

Aries:The Stoner- red eyes, long straight hair, lots of surfer slang, permedent cloud of smoke whenever they enter a room to allow viewers at home to know that they were infact smoking the devils cabbage

Taurus: The Nerd to Pretty girl- picked on by cheerleaders pre-makeover, turns out to be prettier than cheerleaders, claims to teach ‘beauty on the inside’ rule but does the opposite bc not everyone can just get a complete makeover and look effortlessly amazing

Gemini:The Hacker- Only ever eats pizza, says ‘once I get through this firewall’ a lot more than nessesary, glasses, never turns on bedroom light

Cancer:The Class Clown- wears sunglasses inside, legs kicked up on desk, perpetual shit-eating grin

Leo:The Sexually Frustrated Virgin- 99% of the time male, estranged cousin of the Nerd, secret collection of naughty pictures, has personally drilled 4 of the 5 holes in the ladies lockerroom wall

Virgo:The Jock- buff, strong, and meatheaded, bullies the outsiders, enjoys throwing football in areas where football should not be thrown

Libra:The Snacker- backpack full of snacks, always asking for a pencil, does work between chip crunches

Scorpio:The Emo/Goth- Sacrifices goats in their free time, black eyeliner is never smudged, likes to say ‘ugh’

Sagittarius:The Prep Boy(s)- total chad, “my father will hear about this!”, shorts in every color of the rainbow, calls friends ‘broskis’, “no homo tho”

Capricorn:The Nerd- thick glasses, picked on by Jock, in love with (perfect popular student), 4.3 GPA, “according to my research..”

Aquarius:The Cheerleader- Blond™, dating Jock, followed by 2 or more goons (with one being a minority for ‘racial diversity’), short and suggestive clothing

Pisces:The Outcast- Just moved from a) fucking no where or b) highly populated area, cares about social status, most basic and sterotypical teenager ever, bullied, average or above average grades

Aries:space, grizzly bears, hair ties, unrequited affection, baking

Taurus:gardening, vine, ballet, eye-contact, early august

Gemini: crystal pepsi, high tops, circle glasses, high school auditoriums

Cancer:bubbles, laughing, golden hour, tea, chocolate, old cars

Leo:hair dye, dr. pepper, the color red, sketching, bass guitar

Virgo:middle school, comfy jackets, very organized binders, horses, ambition

Libra: skateboards, flash photos at night, hoodies, finding out someone you know likes an artist that you like too, cotton candy ice cream

Scorpio: k-pop, teaching, insecurity, BIG smiles, enthusiasm, spanglish

Sagittarius:instagram, art museums, homemade jewelry, golden retrievers, face masks, distance

Capricorn:cheerful attitudes, 80s movies, musical theater, bluntness, immature but endearing sense of humor

Aquarius: photoshop, travel, unrealized potential, the beach on an overcast day, favorite songs you forgot about, hanging out from 6 til 11 pm

Pisces: confidence, asking the wrong questions, being passionate about what you do, black suits, pie

Aries:Mokele-Mbembe

Taurus:Gambo

Gemini:Trunko

Cancer:Mongolian Death Worm

Leo: Nandi Bear

Virgo:Jersey Devil

Libra:Dobhar-chú

Scorpio:Mothman

Sagittarius:Bunyip

Capricorn:Loveland Frog

Aquarius:Qupqugiaq

Pisces:Snallygaster

Aries: Killed a wasp by drowing it and felt so guilty they cried for 10 minutes

Taurus: Killed someone for a Klondike bar

Gemini:The poor sap that asked for pepsi at a coke deal and found himself at the wrong end of a knife

Cancer:The only thing murdered here was their innocence

Leo: Fell victim to the ruthless Man Door Hand Hook Car door

Virgo: Stealthy ninja, suffocating victims in their sleep

Libra:Went inside the wrong uber after happy hour. Alcohol kills, kids.

Scorpio:Poisoned the waterhole

Sagittarius: Tried to stab someone, saw blood and freaked out

Capricorn: “what are ya gonna do, stab me?” *stabbed*

Aquarius: Was mugging someone but the gun jammed, looked down the barrel and kaboom

Pisces: A vengeful vigilante who kills wrongdoers with a sick ass weapon in the dead of night

Aries:Every main character that suffers Major Tragedy™ yet stil remains hopeful and jolly

Taurus: “Hi im just an ordinary typical relatable High School student with no real points of interests until [plot development] happens and now suddenly im the most important person within a 100 mile radius”

Gemini:Making sure to scream the overly long and weirdly specific name of the attack you plan on using before using it

Cancer: The titty bounce physics that makes every oversized pair of tatas jiggle from running to just breathing

Leo: *character says sometime mildly suprising or reaction worthy* *other characters stop dead in their tracks, body posture like theyve been struck with lightning, and faces drawn exagerated and warped*

Virgo: The tsundere whose only real role is to love the main character

Libra: Stopping mid intense moment to tell an entire backstory regardless of any type of logic 

Scorpio: The beach/water episode that finally lets the animators draw their creations half naked and rake in that sweet sweet revenue

Sagittarius: The appetite and metabolism of the main or side character that allows them to eat overly large portions without gaining weight 

Capricorn: The signature anime grunt that no real living person can accomplish naturally with day to day life

Aquarius: The Nosebleed™ that every fertile male character recieves when a female has tits

Pisces: Obviously losing a fight, like being basically dead, but getting back up one more time to unleash their True Power™ and winning

Aries: Cries too easily

Taurus:Forgives people they shouldn’t forgive

Gemini: Tends to think with emotions over logic

Cancer:Has issues with memory

Leo:Compares themselves to others more than they should

Virgo:Cant take criticism 

Libra:Puts other peoples wants over their own needs

Scorpio:Doesn’t know how to express emotion in a healthy way

Sagittarius: Their anger gets the best of them

Capricorn: Overthinks most situations 

Aquarius:Doesn’t care as much as they should

Pisces:No self control/impulsive 

Aries: Outside running around and feeling the raindrops on their face

Taurus: Inside napping with a big comfy blanket wrapped around them

Gemini: Lying under a tree, reading a book and enjoying the rain

Cancer: Looking out of the window and remembering past events

Leo: Trying to tame their hair, which is very frizzy from the rain

Virgo: Curled up in an armchair, reading a good book

Libra: Texting their hos and trying on new outfits so they can make plans for the next day

Scorpio: Smoking a cigarette and watching the shadows the lightning makes on their curtains

Sagittarius: Listening to the rolls of thunder and singing songs from “The Lion King”

Capricorn: Trying to get some work done but can’t; ends up surfing Tumblr instead

Aquarius: Holed up in their room, making as much artwork as possible; the rain fuels their creative juices

Pisces: Lying on the floor, listening to the sounds of the rain, and daydreaming

-Deja

Aries: Loads their bb gun with rock salt and pretends to be a Hunter; shoots spirits like a badass and thinks that they are everyone’s hero; after Sagittarius actually gets rid of all the spirits and really saves everyone; they decide to go help Virgo since they’ll believe that Aries was the real hero

Taurus: Took a nap in one of the hospital beds when they first arrived; they don’t believe in haunted hospitals and they just wanted the dare to be over with already; ends up sleeping through the entire haunting and doesn’t believe the others when they recap what happened; not sure whether to call the police about Gemini’s murder since they don’t know which of their friends did it

Gemini: Making fun of the possibility of ghosts and pranking everyone in the group so that they all get scared; collapses on the floor and everyone thinks that they are faking it; Virgo touches them and finds real blood gushing out of their back; the haunting has begun and everyone panics

Cancer: Has intensified connections with the spirits and actually feels their anger and confusion; some of them not even realizing that they are dead; torn between running away from it all and trying to help them get to the other side; becomes a psychic medium after the experience

Leo: Not ready to die; running around the hospital with syringes and scalpels in their hands and screaming at the top of their lungs, thinking that it would help them against the spirits; ends up getting tossed against a wall by a spiteful spirit and losing their useless weapons

Virgo: White as a sheet (except for their hands which are covered in Gemini’s blood); is too anxious to think of anything, ends up holing themselves up inside one of the bathrooms and fainting on the floor; when they come to again, Aries is helping them walk outside and the haunting is over

Libra: Completely freaked out the moment they see Gemini on the floor; they don’t believe in irrational things like ghosts, so there must be a logical explanation like a killer on the loose; as soon as the first apparition appears, they take off screaming at the top of their lungs

Scorpio: Powerful enough to get the ghosts to stop throwing things around the room and listen to them; uses a spell that they heard Bobby use one time on Supernatural (they of course looked it up after the episode and found that it was a real spell); binds one of the ghosts in place and makes him answer the burning questions that they have been dying to know

Sagittarius: Has watched Supernatural enough times to know what they need to do to get everyone out safe; finds salt in the kitchen and already had lighter fluid on them (don’t ask); follows Aquarius and Pisces and salts and burns all of the bones; Aquarius and Pisces are close to tears when they see the ghosts catch on fire and disappear

Capricorn: Got crept up on by a little girl’s ghost that walked right through them; acquired a migraine that won’t go away; walking around with an iron stethoscope they found in one of the doctor’s offices so that they can whoosh away any ghosts that come near them; after all, it usually works for Sam and Dean

Aquarius: Tries to connect with the angry spirits to ask them why they are haunting the hospital; finds out that the hospital used to be an asylum where patients were unspeakably tortured and experimented on until they died; the humanitarian inside of them hurts for the spirits and promises to make what happened to them known if they let everyone go

Pisces: Helping Aquarius calm the spirits down; asks the spirits to show them the hidden areas where the torture used to take place so that they can find records and take pictures for proof; cries when they end up finding the remains of these people (some of them children) crammed into little crawlspaces 

-Deja

Aries: Is on a health and exercise kick, so they end up just hanging around and talking to people without ordering anything

Taurus: Eating chocolate covered croissants and listening to their iPod on shuffle mode

Gemini: Sitting at the counter and making fun of all of the people that can’t sing, while drinking a hot chocolate

Cancer: Ordered a hot chocolate just so they could lick all of the whipped cream off; brought their own canister of whipped cream with them so they can keep adding more as they drink it

Leo: The first one that signed up for karaoke; killing it with the help of all the coffee they drank

Virgo: Curled up in one of the cozy armchairs, sipping tea and reading a good book

Libra: On a date; sharing a plate of cronuts and sipping a latte; keeps smiling and showing off their dimples

Scorpio: Only came because their ex comes here a lot; watches from the shadows during the commotion of karaoke night; expertly slips poison into their drink when they aren’t paying attention

Sagittarius: Slips some whiskey inside their espresso and sits back in one of the armchairs to enjoy the show

Capricorn: Downing double espresso shots like there’s no tomorrow and pounding away furiously at their laptop trying to finish the work they procrastinated on

Aquarius: Sitting at a window table, people watching and daydreaming; by the time they remember that they’re drinking tea, it’s already cold

Pisces: Falls asleep on the vintage couch after having a whipped cream eating contest with Cancer; isn’t seen for three days after

-Deja