You ask me ‘who are you?’ and I collapse. Who am I? I have a name, but I can’t put myself in words. I’m changing. Every day, every single moment. I’m trying to accept, that I’m a work in progress, yet a masterpiece. I’m more than you could ever understand and still less than you expect. I don’t know who exactly I am and I don’t think I’ll ever find out. That’s ok. I am. I just am.

I am.

After all these years of ‘I can’t’, saying 'I can and I will’ feels like finally breaking free.

Recovery is worth it, I promise.

Dissociation

the alarm sends shockwaves through your body. you shake

you groan and lie there

staring at the ceiling, focusing in at the knick on the wall

slowly, you fade into a fuzzy abyss of nothingness

no thoughts

head empty

15 minutes have passed

are those butterflies? or are those flies?

you float past the mirror and you stop

you’re lost but the water is still running and you watch the water gush out onto the hands in front of you

are those your hands? are they yours?

do you even have hands?

are you YOU?

what even is YOU?

you look back in the mirror, unsure of what to do with the being staring back at you

what is that? Who even is that?

you float back to wherever it is

to start your day

throughout the day, people react to the figure you see in front of the mirror and you have no choice but to act as if you and the figure are one.

at the end of the day

you float to your room

shut the door gently

and start all over again