Me, explaining why I don’t connect with people

I’m not a crazy flake, I just play one in real life.

Love me.

Becky: The clueless friend

Jane: The responsible friend

Issa: The funny friend

Me: The friend who disappears for a year and returns with a shaved head, 14 tattoos, 11 cats, and random facts about space or something.

Me: I can’t do the thing. I really can’t do the thing. Omg. Can’t. Do. It.

Someone else: Yeah, you can’t do the thing.

Me: Oh yeah?! Just watch me, asshole. *Does the thing*

Every time I share something that no longer makes me “fun,” people leave. Trauma isn’t a walk in the fucking park. My existence isn’t easy. If you’re going to encourage me, repeatedly, to share what is wrong, don’t run away when my truth is difficult.

I was born in a very shallow lake.
Others were content to float, but I could not be contained.
I wanted the whole ocean, so I built myself a boat.

I was encouraged to hate. I chose love.
I was taught to fear. I chose knowledge.
I was surrounded by pettiness. I chose peace.

Nevertheless, I persisted.
Nevertheless, I persist.

everyone: just be yourself!

me: *is myself*

everyone: ohhhh no no no…..no no no no no sssssss ahhhhhh no.

I can never be a good person no matter what do I’m always offending someone or coming off as passive aggressive when I dont mean to. I just want to be normal and nice.

I’m begging on my hands and knees to be treated like my life matters

Politicians acting like legality equals morality. While taking away women’s right to make choices about their body, closing borders, letting refugees die right in front of that borders and ignoring climate change. There are no problems in the system, the system itself is the problem.

Growing up in a capitalist world made me think that my worth depends on how productive I am. I’m still trying very hard to unlearn that shit.

Everything’s nice and I’m feeling fine, then out of nothing I’m losing my mind. I thought I’ve left the darkness behind. It ran after me, turns out I’m easy to find.

23MAY2019

Me 3 years ago: I will not leave the house unless my makeup is on fleek. Can’t bother ppl with my ugliness.

Me now: This is my face. If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.

After all these years of ‘I can’t’, saying 'I can and I will’ feels like finally breaking free.

Recovery is worth it, I promise.