I’ve been so good.

Mindful Monday's

Walking Meditation

Walking meditation brings mindfulness to the moment-to-moment experience of walking. Typically, when we walk we’re focused on getting somewhere, and not on the present-moment sensations of walking. In contrast, in walking meditations, there is no destination, and we bring our awareness to sensations in the feet and lower legs. Although you can practice walking meditation at any time, it may be especially useful if you’re experiencing strong anxiety that makes it difficult to be still for other types of meditation.

Set aside at least 10 minutes for this practice. Find a place that’s quiet and private and allows you a path to walk back and forth. You don’t need much space, just enough for 10-20 steps. Remember, you’re not going anywhere, you’re just walking. Feel free to experiment with the length of your path. You can walk at any pace, but slowing down will help you notice more of the sensations you experience as you walk.

Being by noticing that you are where you are. Connect with your breath and then with the sensations of your feet on the ground. From a standing position, begin to take a step with the left foot. Notice the shift of weight from both feet to the right foot. Notice the sensations of the left foot coming off the ground. First the heel, then the ball of the foot. Sense how the pressure releases as you pick up the entire left foot. Experience the left foot and leg swinging forward. Then notice the sensations of placing the left food on the ground again.

Bring awareness to the shift of weight from the right foot to the left. The sensations of the right heel coming off the ground, then the ball of the foot and then the whole foot. Feel how the weight transfers graduallyto the left food as the right foot and leg swing forward to slowly begin another step.

Bring kind awareness to the sensations of pressure, the swinging of each foot and leg, muscle tension, touch, movement of clothing, and so on. When attention wanders away from the sensations of walking, as it will, practice patience and kindness. Let go of judgement and come back to the sensations of walking over and over again.

Mindful Monday’s

Mindful Stretching

Mindful stretching can promote awareness and the attitudes of allowing gentleness, and compassion toward your body and your life. Whether you practice yoga in a class or at home or stretch for fitness, you can bring these qualities to your stretches, transforming them into a mindfulness meditation. Just one caution: if you’re unsure whether certain stretches are appropriate for you, consult your doctor before doing them.

As you stretch, bring beginner’s mind to your body. Move slowly and gently, and explore sensations in the body as if for the first time. When the mind wanders as it will, gently return to noticing sensations.

As you stretch mindfully, open to any opportunities to learn (or relearn) important life lessons. If a stretch is challenging, you may notice that you react with aversion. In that case, you can purposely welcome sensations of tension as an invitation to rest and find ease in the stretch. You may find that breathing with sensations helps you let go of any struggle against them and allow them to be present. The body’s wisdom will inform you of its limits, helping you understand the difference between unpleasant sensations and pain and how to take care of yourself. It can help you know when you need to back off from a stretch - and when you need to back off from excessive attempts to please others.

The wisdom of the body can help you heal in many ways. When you stretch areas that hold chronic tension, buried emotions may be released. Don’t strive to make this happen; just notice sensations in the body. As you tune in to your experience, mindful stretching can help you learn from the inside out that letting go and mindfully sensing the places where you feel stuck can help you feel freer. Both in your body and in daily life.

For example, if your arms burn as you hold them out, you can gently challenge yourself to stay with the position for a few more moments. Noticing the sensations and the desire to relieve the discomfort. Experiment with allowing the sensation to be present without struggling to change them, releasing into the posture. This can teach you that you don’t have to react immediately to urges, and that sometimes they pass as you allow them to be present. In time, you can transfer these lessons to difficult approval seeking moment, applying what you’ve learned about aversion, letting go, and not acting on urges.

My COO thought I was Fluttershy but I was like “Nah. I’m Rainbow Dash. I’m really gay and Rainbow Dash is like one big rainbow.”

Someone please stop me from ever speaking again.

People are always like, “you’ll regret not spending time with [insert old relative’s name here] once they’re gone. Literally no. Fuck that. I called my 83-year-old grandmother the other day and she defended reconnecting with the cousins (her other grandchildren) who abused my sisters and me by telling me that they "aren’t very bright” and that she needs car rides from them. That was after she insisted that my childhood was perfect and that she was basically a martyr. I’m sorry, but I can’t love this person or most of my other extended “family.” I tried.

Do you want the honest truth about looking and feeling so different in the workplace? Yes, it is difficult to have multiple marginalized identities AND also dress differently/have visible tattoos. There will always be people who will hate me before they get to know me. There will always be whispers. There will always be stares. But you know what? Being open about who I am has literally saved my life, again and again. I have seen too much and have fought too hard to let ignorance and fear stop me from being a full, participating person in this society. I am aware that I was also born into groups with privilege, and I will continue to use those privileges to fight for others. My mission is to help in some small way to tear down this broken system and create a better world - for you, for me, for all of us.

Love me.

Hi there! Hello. My name is D and I was raised in a conservative Christian household in the suburbs of Brooklyn. Naturally, I’m now a tattoo-covered lesbian with an affinity for bright hair who reads too many comics. I do a lot of volunteer work, but not for Jesus, and I also take kickboxing classes. Clearly gay.

I didn’t have many friends in high school, which is how my ongoing obsession with writing and social media began. I launched my career with a GeoCities website dedicated entirely to Sailor Moon, which my librarian asked me to shut down because many bad people use the Internet. I wisely heeded her advice and years later, I’m publishing highly personal stories under my own name because what else can you do with a journalism degree?

“You’re online from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed,” my exasperated sister once told me, a habit that bosses now love me for. I’m that jerk you can’t share viral baby goat videos with because I saw them a year ago, before they went viral.

As an introvert who has once suggested that all staff meetings be held via gchat, I have found my calling in communications (seriously). I can write! I can be on social media! I can pretend to be human in important meetings!

All joking aside, I believe in being passionate about what you do and having fun while doing it. I believe in treating people like people, and in making workplaces as diverse, accessible, and inclusive as possible. I believe in fairness, and in leaving the world a bit better than when you entered it.

A coworker once told me, “people like you because you’re real.” Another coworker once called me weird and handed me a Rice Krispies treat. I think I’m winning at this career game.

Me: I can’t do the thing. I really can’t do the thing. Omg. Can’t. Do. It.

Someone else: Yeah, you can’t do the thing.

Me: Oh yeah?! Just watch me, asshole. *Does the thing*

Me: I should save money.

Also me: Maybe I should check eBay for Hercules plastic plates from the 1990s because nostalgia.

Is the IT guy winking and waving at me because he suddenly developed social skills or has he hacked my work computer and is amused?

Writing about my mental illness like

ash-muncher:

i feel as if the past will FOREVER haunt me

Borderline Personality and Splitting Yet Again

Goddamn. Splitting really fucking sucks. I Hella vibe with this guy the other night. Last night we went out to a bar and I was still Viking with him. Took some Molly and I was all over him. But when we got to his house I smoked weed and it intensified the Molly so intensely. In my “clarity moment” I split on him. He was the sexiest thing to me. 6'6, beard, deep voice. Sexy. But when I had my reality check all the affection I was enjoying made me feel absolutely smothered. I didn’t want to touch him, or kiss him. But he’s got aspergers so he didn’t pick up on my social cues. I completely shut down. I just couldn’t wait to get out of there. He kept being lovey dovey and it just made my skin crawl. It’s crazy. Going from one extreme to another. Splitting sucks because he’s a good guy. Not good for me though. I just am no longer interested.

how can someone feel so much and feel so empty at the same time?

So, listen.

All my life I’ve been doing my best to keep up with others, to get things done, to move forward just fast enough. Now I’m 24, I finished school but I have no further education and I’m far, FAR behind of what other people achieved at my age. My mental illnesses got in the way and forced me to go much slower.

I grew up believing that I’d be something great, that I’d be successful and normal and fine. Now I’m a 24 year old self taught ghostwriter, still struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts, social anxiety etc. and that’s not what I had in mind. But guess what? It’s ok. I’m alive, I’m slowly learning how to live this life and I’ve learned one thing of importance: life is not a race nor is it a checklist you can go through step by step. You can’t outpace your own abilities and the sooner you accept your limits without limiting your potential, the sooner you’ll move in the right direction.

I got better. I stopped cutting, I’m clean, I have a job, a fiance, an apartment. I have a life, a good one. I’ve spent the past four years creating it step by step, far slower than everyone around me. Just to wake up today, noticing I don’t want to live it anymore.

On the wall right behind the place my therapist sits during our appointments is a quote of Max Frisch, Swiss author. It says that crisis is a productive condition. You just have to take away it’s taste of catastrophe. I’ve spend a lot of time looking at that quote and even more time thinking about it. I hope some day I’ll be able to follow Max Frischs advice.

You ask me ‘who are you?’ and I collapse. Who am I? I have a name, but I can’t put myself in words. I’m changing. Every day, every single moment. I’m trying to accept, that I’m a work in progress, yet a masterpiece. I’m more than you could ever understand and still less than you expect. I don’t know who exactly I am and I don’t think I’ll ever find out. That’s ok. I am. I just am.

I am.

Five years ago I wanted to die. Three years ago I thought life would never be worth it. Today I’m still struggling, but that’s ok. I’m still here and I’m finally glad that I am.

At the moment I feel like dying. But I won’t. I’ve felt like this before. And I’ll survive.

After all these years of ‘I can’t’, saying 'I can and I will’ feels like finally breaking free.

Recovery is worth it, I promise.

Sometimes it’s my own temper that scares me most.

Friend: I have my last therapy session tomorrow.

Me: Wait…you mean people start therapy…and they’re done at some point?????

„Nichts macht mich trauriger als mein Kopf!“

„Nothing makes me sadder than my head!“

“I couldn’t be more fucked up if I tried, - I would kill myself but I’ve already died.”

Original by RumourTalks

You live, you laugh,

You hope, you try.

You do your best,

And then you die.

If you live your life,

then props to you.

But i can’t do the things normal people do.

What do normal people do?

Original poetry by RumourTalks