#bpd stuff

headache is an emotion

me: ahh yes I finally found an identity and style.

someone: *describes my new identity in perfect detail and ruins my individuality complex*

me: well that’s enough of that.

for anyone who cares.

school has been kicking my butt. so I haven’t been able to post/think of stuff to post.

sorry

when I cant be honest with my therapist :/

you know that moment when you do something wrong and you literally wanna remove yourself from you body and beat yourself up?

what’s it like to be passionate about something?

we do be getting used as the “toxic” friend they drop for having more than a surface level personality for character development doe.

this no friends thing not cute anymore :/

I’m such an idiot I let people in. I feel so exposed and seen. people know things about me. I’m gonna be sick

I can never show my face anywhere ever again

I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.

my friends simulator.

would you like to befriend someone with a mental illness: yes/no

you picked yes

would you like to be warned ahead of time of their symptoms yes/no

you picked yes

uh oh they’re showing symptoms what’s your next move

show them support and understanding/abandon them without warning

you chose abandon them without warning

congratulations your awful

everyone: just be yourself!

me: *is myself*

everyone: ohhhh no no no…..no no no no no sssssss ahhhhhh no.

When I say something really twisted and my therapist gives me That Look™

I’m like

Therapist: *points out that I seem anxious*

Me:

Me to insurance: “I need this treatment in order to survive”

Insurance:

Writing about my mental illness like

bpdbobbidiboo:

So well, I’m manic as fuck yet again. I’m doing drugs like crazy. Basically made a porno with another girl for my onlyfans. I haven’t had “sex,sex” with anyone though. Still not interested. Nor am I interested in men still. But I’m being stupid. I need to tell my psychiatrist this. This is crazy how bad my manic episode’s are getting. I haven’t been this bad since I was 17. 10 years. I’m out of control these days. I need help so bad.

Life Is Good.

I’m doing better. Neither manic nor depressive. Loving to the place and roommate. Not worrying about men. Staying single. I’m just enjoying life at the moment. It’s calm. I love it. My roommate has a pup. A 2 year old pitbull. She’s adorable. She makes living here even better. While he’s at work I take care of her. She’s on her period so I cut a hole in a pair of my panties and stuck a pad in it so she can walk around. Otherwise she would be in the kennel. But I’m having fun. Cleaning, taking care of the apartment, taking care of the pup, cooking. I feel like a mom again. She’s so cuddly and clingy like my former pup Ember. She reminds me of her so much. Me and the new pup have already grown so close. I love her already. She’s just so sweet. I didn’t know I was missing this that much. She is filling a void inside of me I didn’t know I had. I get to mother something again. It’s amazing. It feels so good. Life is good.