#dd campaign
“Why is the air so…stabby all of a sudden?”
Ranger: *over our fantasy version of phones* you’re willing to pay someone to kill [rogue]?
NPC: *over the phone* Yes.
Ranger: *over the phone* And would you need any sort of…proof that she’s dead.
Rogue: Now hang on.
The rogue (drunk off his tits): “There are six of you [indicating the THREE of us], one of you has to have beef jerky.”
Rogue: *out of character* You guys are alarmingly chill about telling my character her dead child never had a soul.
Ranger: *out of character* Well, if the poles are the same as real life, we can identify where we are by the simple method of bears or no bears.
Rogue: Stop planning a mutiny or I will turn this airship around
Rogue: They only sell alcohol by the barrel.
Ranger: Hmm *out of character* have straws been invented yet?
Judge NPC: Wait, are you prosecution or defence?
Rogue: Somehow I am both.
Ranger: I’m going to cause an international incident at fantasy Eurovision.
Rogue: There’s already been two.
How you imagine the campaign vs how it goes
“You can’t reverse the plot twist, I have witnesses!”
“I don’t think he realised you’re supposed to take a cyanide pill so I think he just like…popped an ambien and went to sleep.”
Bard: I killed him with an impression.
Rogue: Literally bullied him so hard he died.
Rogue 1: We’ll introduce you to that mortal concept known as love.
Rogue 2: No thanks, I’m good.
“So nice of the war to wait for me to finish my chicken.”
Unicorn for Junicorn! Made him for an encounter for friendos but thought this would be a nice way to wrap up june.
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✨New item!✨
Helm of the Stampede
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement by a barbarian)
While wearing this helm, you gain a +1 bonus to AC. Once per long rest, when you take damage you can use your reaction to enter a rage even if you are out of rages for the day.
The horned helm is a natural weapon, which you can use to make unarmed strikes. If you hit with it, you deal piercing damage equal to 1d6 + your Strength modifier, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike. If you move at least 20 feet in a straight line toward a Large or smaller target, you can use a bonus action to make a gore attack with the horned helm. On a hit, the target takes an additional 1d6 piercing damage and is knocked prone.
The wind and cold of the Thistled steppe swirled around the nomad warriors. Steam bellowed forth from fur-lined helmets, and frosty beards curled as they smiled wide. With gap-toothed glee they screamed their laughter at the army of archers on their doorstep. Though arrows landed between their ranks, the elders, chuckling, lit their long ritual pipes and puffed patiently. From the oldest bull to the youngest colt, the group took comfort knowing that when their enemy had exhausted their last volley and were forced to draw swords, nothing could stop their thunderous stampede.
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Golden quotes from #TheTalesandTimes Pt. 1
Ranger: I’ve got friends in that town.
Bard: And what will these friends do? Let’s us get attacked by a giant wombat????
Ranger:
Ranger: … I don’t know what that is…
Precure Rose Alamode, Chad, Cookotron et Bud from my d&d campaign with my brothers :)
Arsenic and Old Lace; a 1920’s horror-themed D&D campaign featuring three pcs that have a total of 2 brain cells between them and a DM with the patience of a saint
My new hexblade warlock Dandelion, disaster bisexual hero and sunshine girl trying her best. She makes her debut this Sunday!
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The final one of the main classes, the rogue!
Cleric character ideas! Support or commission me here!
Ideas for Sorcerers!
Some ideas for all those monk players out there! See the rest of this series and more on my Kofi.
Origin ideas for paladins! See them all and support me here.
Some fun ideas for warlock pacts. You can see the rest of this series on my Kofi! I appreciate all tips.
Commission for @rpbattleman, this one spooky season themed! You can a get commission like this one for yourself HERE, or donate to my current goal of putting up some fun tables.
Does anyone else have to deal with your DM punishing you strictly because you beat their combat scene too easily or used a magic item too effectively?
In a game I’m playing we found a magic item that basically let me do blood bending, it was made by a necromancer and we took it as well as a few other fucked up magic items, like a hammer that shatters bones into dust on a nat 20, after we kicked his ass. The DM designed these items knowing we would find and use them and typically my gaming group rewards players for finding creative ways to use magic and solve problems.
Later we came up against this guy who was just the worst type of character, murderer, slaver, kept women as his “personal servants”, and was just in general not a person we wanted alive. We fight the guy and we aren’t doing great so I use the item and I asked to just straight up rip the blood out of his body and it does a lot of damage, this basically changes the direction of the fight.
After we kill the guy, our DM is clearly annoyed because I got two good hits on him with the item. He tells me that me using the item in this way was an evil act because it was so merciless and I had to make a roll for my alignment. I called bullshit because we were there to kill him and none of us were going to spare him regardless. He tried to argue some shit that him being a bad person doesn’t mean I get to do bad things to him.
Ultimately I asked why the fuck he gave us the blood bending item if he didn’t want us to use it in the most effective way possible. He tried to spin some philosophical bullshit about self restraint but he was clearly just mad that we bested his boss fight when he wanted us to flee or for the boss to get away.
He wouldn’t let the alignment thing go, so no my lawful neutral monk is lawful evil for no reason and I’m plotting how to further fuck over his campaign. I’m gonna start with the den of thieves he’s put in our city and see how far he pushes me after that. I will also be using the magic item much more often because obviously I’m evil now so it shouldn’t bother my character to do this now all the time.
Suggest to your DM to write a book instead of DMing. That way no one can ruin his story and all the characters will do what he wants. As a DM you need to prepare for players who will do the unexpected. Personally I love it when my players think outside the box and they are rewarded for being clever/creative.
Maybe it is time to talk to the DM or look for a new group. A DM has to make sure their players are having a good time. If they are not that isn’t a someone who should DM. Maybe consider becoming a DM yourself if you can’t find a new group. I’m sure the others in your party are also frusterated by this.
Best of luck with this. Hope it works out!
Newly finished commission! A portrait for a D&D character, a Dhampir rogue.
One of my favorites in quite some time.
Here’s a link to the Discord where you can listen to the stream on Fridays! Tonight is the first session!!!
https://www.twitch.tv/thecrowneddm
