إنه - كما الآخرين - يظنني تغيرت ، أنني أصبحت قاسية ، متباعدة ، باردة ، صامتة ، مصابة بنوبة هروب لا مبررة ! أختصر رسائل الشات بمرحبا و الى اللقاء ، أتجنب إستخدام عطر مميز أو الاستماع لموسيقى محددة أثناء اللقاءات ، توقفت عن طرح أسئلة “ أي شيء من الأشياء مفضلك ، و ماذا تحب بي و أي طعام هو المحبب إليك وما عنوان كتابك الأحب و غيرها .. ” ، لم أعد أهدي كل شخص أعرفه إسما غير إسمه الحقيقي ، إسما أناديه به أنا وحسب _دلعا_ توقفت عن وضع “ هايلايت” على الأشخاص حولي .. لكنه لا يدرك - هو أيضاً ، مثلهم - أن كل ما أقوم به هو محاولات مؤذية لحماية نفسي المُرهقة

من ماذا؟

من الذكريات يا عزيزي .

@0ward

MOMENT BY MOMENT

“None of us know exactly how it’s going to end… that is what makes the present so important.”

Don’t live each day like it’s your last, instead live your life like you decide when you are going to die. Take charge of your life, moment by moment, breath by breath, choose to live & love and be filled with joy, hope and faith.

BE IN LOVE WITH BEING ALIVE

“Seize the moment, to make sure those we love know how we feel about them.”

And what would it look like if you decided to forgive, let go, truly love unconditionally, trust blindly, believe in the greater good. Be kind. Be a good person. Love yourself. Heal yourself and Know yourself.

Be Alive.

I accept the challenge. Do you?

God’s Will.

What would it look like if you actually surrendered to God’s Will?

Or whatever deity you choose to worship?

What if you were to stop saying the simple things like; “I’ll be back” or “I’ll focus on that later” or “See you tomorrow”. We don’t have control over that. Why do we say such false statements? Why lie?

I am sure this topic will annoy most because they do not want to think about the fact that they truly have no control but for me being true and honest is important. Changing the way I communicate is crucial to the way I live my purpose. I lied to myself for 43 years, why because my parents lied to me?

Because society sugar coats things and tells “white lies” to soften the blow of reality?

It’s what we know so why not follow?

Because we have been told that our words can manifest themselves? {This one is the only version I so choose now.}

Example: I was walking out the door and simply said, “I’ll be back later” (to my cat) and he looked at me smug. And I stopped and said, will I? I have no control over this statement. I “hope” I return. Why did I feel the need to lie, to my cat! To console him? To reassure he knew I would return? Does he actually understand the words coming out of my mouth? Entirely different blog post. I digress…

Here I go, again on my own… getting into an automobile that has sadly taken away a lot of people in my life, beginning at 12 with my mother, the root of where I felt I lost control in my life and decided I needed to control everything, yet sadly had no control over anything. Which brings me to today…

I accept, I have no control. I surrender to God’s Will. If it is God’s Will I will return. And sadly there is evil in this world so I will wear my seatbelt. Do my rituals, say a little prayer, and be on my merry way.

What would it look like if we stopped telling ourselves the little white lies and surrendered to the Holy Spirit, the Universe, God, Goddess, etc. etc. etc.?

I dare you to try it.

I know you’re going to do 1 thing. Shock the heck out of people. Probably gain trust and possibly respect. And I know another thing, someone(or ones) is smiling down at this post saying to themselves, “it’s about time.” (Could be you) And quite possibly this 1 little change, could make a ripple in the outcome of my and others lives. That is the mystery of life, and the beauty.

So I am off, to check a box, close a chapter. Namaste a home that should have been divine, but there was no true love there so it failed.

You have no obligation to keep being the past version of yourself. Knowing this helps me keep myself afloat in this sea of change- and I have changed. Somewhere over the course of the past year I dug the grave of the girl I used to be and I lay down in it. Now everybody talks about being honest, but none of them want my truth. Everything changes, why should I be the exception?

-“to love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be” Heidi Priebe

Why is it that little girls who are told to stop crying turn into women who scream silently, and boys who are told crying is for girls, grow into men who seek to hear a silent scream?

Perhaps we are teaching them wrong.

-Cry if you want to darling, it is your right.

I wander past the funeral parlor on my way, the one where we bought your headstone. There’s always a lady smoking outside of it and I wonder if the irony is clear to me alone.

You gave up smoking your pipe years ago, before I was ever even considered or born. The love of your life didn’t like it so much, and so you traded the smoke for love’s touch.

-there’s smoke outside the funeral parlor

So this whole “self-love” thing is gonna lead to an emotional Jötunn form acceptance scene, right? Right??

Twitter: queerblackwitch

Instagram: Holisticeight88

Note to everyone…

I’m fucking crazy. ‍♀️

when I see you with her

when you tell me you like my friend

when my fiends lie to me

when I keep things bottled up

when I cant tell you how I really feel

when I cant see the people I love

when I see my friends and family hurt

when I sat goodbye

when you leave

when you use me

when i’m just here for when you are lonely

It hurts…

listen@nucrests u got submit turned off so I’m forced to call u out publicly,,,,,,

The man in the high castle (2015-2019)

Sometimes we just have to face the truth and stop wasting energy on the wrong people.

:’)