~daily entry~

•july 2nd 2021•

today was better than yesterday. Wouldn’t even hv ate today if my mom didn’t make me stay downstairs with her. lost my control and ate :/

i think it’s okay tho bc i had a semi-healthy dinner with lots of protein. it also filled me up a lot which feels disgusting but ik i’ll still weigh less in the morning. i moved some furniture today and i’m sure that burned a lot of cals. disappointed that i ate bc i wasn’t even hungry.

~what i ate~

• few bites of steak
• 4 small grilled mushrooms w/ cheese
• banana baby puffs

total calories: <400

I’m back bitches.

Food plan for today. The goal is under 900cals. I’m trying to high(ish) restrict because there are so many unhealthy foods in my home right now and I know if I low restrict, I’m just going to binge on them later. I have a photoshoot this weekend so I don’t want to eat a bunch of crap and get all bloated.

Today’s goal was 500cals and I ate 450. So proud of myself!! I have a photo shoot very soon so I’m trying to lose as much weight as possible

Of course, I always fear a binge whenever I manage to eat very low cal like this

Side note: when I restrict this low, I don’t exercise. In fact, I only walked ~maybe~ 200 steps today

Wednesday

Earl grey tea with 1tbsp soy milk: ~7cals

I want to lose 8 to 10lbs this month so this is the max amount of cals I should eat per day.

Wednesday

I’m baaaaaack on my bullshit

Last night it was suggested I lose weight for my wedding photos in June and today I watched a triggering video so here I am.

Breakfast: black coffee 0cals

Lunch:

miso soup: 30cals

~100g peas: ~60 cals

Water

Always drink your water

Anyone remember the movie Bring It On? It’s the best thinspiration!

I got to update my CW today! Only 1kg (3ish lbs) away from my first goal weight~

I can do it. Don’t F it up now

There is something particularly empty about crying on the kitchen floor 6000 miles away from everyone you have ever known and loved.

I’ve had food poisoning for like 3 days. I’m exhausted.

Got really bad food poisoning but it helped me get over a weight plateau I’m going to milk it for one more day to get away with not eating much and maybe ill make it to my 1st goal weight! I’m only 0.3kg away!!!

But can I keep the weight off is the real question

One of my students was waiting for class to start and she was just staring at a donut singing a Blackpink song and honestly that’s a mood

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠

I did it!!! My first fast over 20 hours! I’m so proud of myself. I’m going to have eggs and a smoothie and then do a 16 or 18 hour fast.

This week’s meal plan

I’m going to eat only these things this week each day. It all adds up to about 800 cals per day. I’m going to try to work my way down by slowly eliminating things.

• Yogurt ~90 cals
• Apple ~100 cals
• 2 sweet potatoes ~200 cals
• 3 steamed eggs ~216 cals
• Protein shake with 100ml milk ~190 cals
• Drinks: water, black coffee, tea only

I’m going to do this along side 16:8 or maybe 18:6 fasting. I do have a job that requires me to concentrate and have energy so if need be ill have some water and chicken stock. Today I am having a protein shake for dinner and going to start fasting at 8pm. My stomach is upset tonight so it should be fine.

These bitches are my bffs. Relora is ~amazing~ if you have stress or anxiety it has been shown in studies to lower your cortisol levels (that is the stress hormone). I don’t like supplements so I only take them if I can find real peer-reviewed studies on them.

It won’t replace prescribed meds but really helps me. Unfortunately, it is not good for people with medical conditions that have to do with estrogen (like Endo).

It can also help prevent stress eating

Having a “mild” alcohol dependency disorder and an ED doesn’t making any F-ing sense but here I am drinking my calories.

Just updated my cw from 54.5 to 55.5kg. I’m so sad rn.

January 20 dinner

• Garlic fried rice with kimchi: I dont know the cals, maybe about 300

Today’s total: ~700cals. My goal was 600 but this is okay i guess.

January 20 breakfast

• Chocolate chip latte: 115cals
• Yogurt: 90cals
• Total: 205

I already hate myself. I’ve been binging a lot the past few days. I want to stay under 600cals today.