#friend with benefits

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I know it’s hard to believe but I really did. I rejected my friend with benefits.
It wasn’t as hard as I thought, and this happened when I went to his place to prove myself that I love my boyfriend and that I wasn’t going to cheat on him.
I’m not going to lie, he did try something with me, but I completely stopped him. He tried getting close to me, hugging me and the first thing I did was tell him to get away, because I had a boyfriend and he was making me uncomfortable because I wouldn’t like my boyfriend to be hugging her ex-friend with benefits.
Now I can say I’m over with that phase of my life and now I feel 100% secure that I’m in love with my boyfriend and that I don’t want any other guy to be with me.

My old friend with benefits (fwb) broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. I’m still being happy with my boyfriend, but it seems my fwb doesn’t care. He was my old crush, I think I actually felt in love with him, but I’m not anymore. I don’t know if I am “in love” with my boyfriend, I mean… I love him, and I can tell I feel butterflies in my stomach, but now I cannot tell if I’m in love with him. 

The thing is that my fwb is talking to me again, asking me to go out. He knows I’m happy with my boyfriend, and he knows I used to love him, but he is still telling me to meet in places we used to, and he is telling me I’m his only friend as he used to tell me before. 

I’d never cheat on my boyfriend, but talking to him makes me feel bad because he really hurt me and I’m afraid that when my relationship ends (because my boyfriend is going to Spain for a year) or when my relationship becomes a long distance one, I don’t want to go back to him, I don’t want to go to the place I’ve been for 2 years.

Nothing changes after 5 years

After years and years of telling you my friend with benefits relationship is over and telling you it was fucked up, I have to tell you we are still on it.

Some part of me will always wonder what if? What if he could consider me as a girlfriend material? What if he finds another girl? What if I found a guy for me but I’m afraid to let him go?

I dont want to loose him, but after so many years (since 2013 to be exact) would the relationship last more? Are we going to keep this forever? When is it going to stop? But, what if I dont want it to end?

Lately being drunk has brought to my life many disappointments and trouble. My friend with benefits and I had been fighting a lot because of this problem.

The fact is that being with him is only pleasant and exciting when I’m drunk or when I get to smoke weed. But everytime this happens before, he tells me he doesn’t like me when I’m like this. He adds comments like: “You just look so stupid” “You become unbearable everytime you smoke or get drunk”. 

The thing is that the last time we saw each other I was COMPLETELY drunk, after a meeting party with my school mates. I can’t remember what happened that night, but he is really upset. He doesn’t want to know anything about me or even hear my name.

Summer is coming and I’m starting my new life as a “proana” so I just have to wait to be skinny for him to come back right?

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