Non posso tenerti per mano e allora ti tengo nel cuore.

Ed è lì che sei e sarai presenza, eterna.

Ed è quello il posto più bello che ho.

Mi diranno che non posso toccarti.

Vero, ma nel cuore io ti sento.

Mi diranno che non posso vederti.

Vero, ma gli occhi ricoprono le distanze

e nel cuore non c'è distanza.

Mi diranno che non posso udire la tua voce.

Vero, ma io ti ascolto e in me fai rumore!

Mi diranno che non posso parlarti.

Vero. Ma cosa servono le parole,

tu mi fai battere il cuore.

E se il cuore è l'organo della vita,

anche se io non ti tengo per mano,

non ti vedo e non ti parlo,

faccio molto di più,

ti tengo nel cuore…

io ti tengo nella mia vita.

F. Roversi

Vorrei guardare il cielo

e vederti ritornare.

Vorrei per una volta ancora,

poterti rivedere, magari solo il tempo di stringerti forte al mio cuore e sussurrarti tutte le parole, che il tempo troppo breve non mi ha dato modo di poterti dire.

Franca Riem

Ho sognato che c'eri ancora.

Mi capita spesso.

Come se il vento ti spingesse fino a me durante il giorno. Così da farti arrivare, la notte, sulla scia di qualche sogno.

Che non sono mai ricordi.

Ma momenti nuovi. Dove tu mi spieghi altre cose.

Poi, con la luce del mattino, vai via. E io riavvolgo il nastro di quello che ci siamo detti.

A volte sono cose così strane che faccio fatica a comprendere.

Altre mi è chiaro il messaggio.

Ma sempre, sempre i tuoi occhi sono dolci.

E non ho mai paura.

Paola Felice

Pinky

tinymoogledancer:

8. Aureus

8.

Dare’.

Sweeting, I…but what words can I say, truly?

I can think of none. No apology would be enough. I’d beg forgiveness if I knew that would…but it will not. I fear nothing will assuage your grief.

It’s been 4 days, little love. 4 days, and you have neither eaten nor drank anything. Is this what you meant by having no hope? You lie there, prostate before me, like a dead thing. Indeed, something died within you that day, did it not?

You do not yet know, nor understand the bond I…what would you call it? It was not accidental, exactly.

Hmm…haphazard. Yes.

The bond I haphazardly made when I kissed you…it’s the only thing keeping you alive right now.

And the reason for that is because you are…not draining, but…ah. Siphoning. You are siphoning my strength, and I…I have never felt these feelings before.

You see, little love…I can feel what you feel.

I confess I…I have never felt things like hunger or thirst before. I have never felt humiliation, nor grief, nor guilt quite like this. So overwhelming. It crushes me.

And well it should, I agree, after what he did.

What…we did. Have done.

We never should have come back.

Seeing you lay there and not caring when I touched you…it confused and worried me. You usually fight back. You yell, or have a witty retort on tiny, delicate lips.

Now…nothing.

Not even when I stroked your back with my finger. Not even when I lifted you up and sat in front of the hearth. Well, it may not be a hearth as you understand it, but it is a source of heat, light, and comfort, especially in the Winter weather this part of the world.

I settled there with you, and…again, what else could I have said?

All I could do was cradle you against me, and say I am sorry.

And I am. It was my fault. All of it.

T’was my fault my brother killed her.

You likely don’t know that part. Or that I am the youngest of twenty-four. Or that I will have to face my father tomorrow.

He will punish me, and quite severely, at that. True, he did violate one of our laws involving Lessers.

We do not eat the ones with whom we can converse and mate. That is, those who are nearly on par with us in intelligence, or have the potential, at least.

My brother told me of a black market where that went on anyway. I had no idea that he actually encouraged it, or helped to run it, until after I saw him…do what he did.

Now I know why it nobody else seemed surprised or outraged by the…news.

Fascinating word, news: North. East. West. South. Clever, so clever of you adorable beings!

My father likely knew.

And chose to do nothing.

Why?

Because he loved his son.

His son. The Crown Prince; that’s what you would call him.

I must face my father tomorrow, little love. I fear I may be separated from you forever. If that happens, we will both die.

For now, I am grateful to have you with me, if just for a little while. Just a little while, Myne heart, let me sit here with you on my chest. Let me pet you an hour more.

At last, I hear your cries. Your entire body quivers under my hand. Such anguish you must have held within!

You can’t stop. I am trying to hold still for you, but I can feel your sorrow as though it t'were myne…mine. That was why I too, have tears.

That, and fear, such as I have never known.

We never should have come back.

I am so sorry.

Forever your servant,

Aureus

(Ah, that is the closest translation to my name, actually. And it means Golden, as You said my eyes are like. I pray you find that more fitting, little love.)

I have no expectations, yet somehow I still keep getting hurt.

horreurscopes:

one of the most important things i’ve learned in therapy is that when you’ve experienced prolonged trauma in your childhood, pleasure feels uncomfortable. like, not that you don’t feel it, but that when you do feel it there’s an impulse to make it stop, because it’s extremely unfamiliar. and pleasure can mean many things, as simple as feeling cozy, and as complex as feeling loved. the neural pathways for feeling good have not had a chance to develop, and the neural pathways for feeling bad are quite practiced. feeling good, too, takes conscious practice.

I would be celebrating rn bc my school got canceled bc of the corona virus. We’re doing online classes for however long my county thinks we should but it just hit me that I won’t be able to see my tc for like the next 2 weeks

I wonder who the Cardinals will pick up to replace his absence next season

Ily: i love you

Ilysm: I love you so much

Ifym: I fucked ur mother