Switching to the Light wasn´t an easy thing for Ben, he still goes through very bad times when the Darkness tries to call him, but he tries to hide his frustration as best he can since he knows, and feels, that he´s the only pillar that you have to stay in the Light too.
Leaving the darkness for you was a bit more complicated, since your whole life was full of situations that fueled the anger you felt, and going so dramatically into the Light, when you had never been there before, meant completely forgetting and leaving behind the person you were.
There are times when one of the two wakes up in the middle of the night, sweating or crying due to some nightmare, and the other will always cling to the other’s body, even after leaving the Darkness, both continue to maintain your bond through the Force, so you´re able to feel what the other feels. Both are a kind of lifeline for each other.
At first, it was very difficult for you to move around the resistance base, since you could feel the inquisitive looks and some of the suspicious thoughts of the people around you and judged you.
There are times when both cannot sleep and leave your tent to walk calmly and chat alone in the surroundings of the base.
During the whole time you were together in the First Order, you got used to leading your life as a couple in an extremely private way and it´s something that even being in the Light you continue to maintain, all your activities together, such as eating, training and your free time it still, as much as possible, at the privacy of your tent.
Regarding the displays of affection, at first you were both embarrassed that someone saw you sharing a caress, but little by little, Ben began to be affectionate with you in public, holding your hand when you walked together, hugging you from time to time and occasionally kissing you on the forehead.
Sometimes when you try to call him, you do it by the name of Kylo; You automatically blush and apologize immediately, but secretly, and privately, you both like to hear your old names (in fact, even now in the Light, you both call each other by their Sith names while having sex and love it).
You aren´t very sociable, however, Ben has managed to develop a good relationship with Poe, knocked down by their mutual interest for ships and engineering, while you have started a good friendship with Chewbacca. Both try to avoid Rey, although sometimes Ben helps her train and that makes you feel very jealous, and Finn avoids you completely.
SLOW BURN love triangle story. Kylo Ren offered Rey everything, but she rejected him. Enter Krys, a Dark Force user, desperate for a teacher. She will do anything for Kylo to train her.
Pairings: Kylo Ren x Rey and Kylo Ren x original character. EVENTUAL SMUT. This is already over 100 pages long. My attempt to make TROS make sense. Updates once/twice a week (as of 9.05.2020)
NOTE the actual scenes wound up a little different in the story itself, but the idea is there.
WARNING: Nightmares? Monsters? Um, being hit really hard to the point of being unconscious. Summary:Reader is in a danger and must flee Takodana but where will she go? Maz has an idea. Notes: Ah yis….. your eyes are not deceiving you. I have updated! Thank you all who are still so patient for following this story. I truly appreciate it!
kylorenxreader
It’s been awhile since Hans had left you in the care of Maz and you couldn’t feel better. Every day you woke up ready to take on today’s challenges whether it be just dumping sludge down a drain or whipping up a simple drink, you didn’t care.
“How are you feeling (Y/n)?” Maz asked from her place behind the bar, eyeing you curiously with a smile.
You turned her direction, beaming a big smile. “Oh Maz I feel better than yesterday. Thank you so much for this. I am eternally in debt to you.” You brought the broom in your hand closer to your chest.
Maz let out a laugh, “Oh hush child.” She waved her small hand.
“No I mean it Maz. I know I say it everyday,” you walked to the bar, leaning over a bit. She looked up at you. “This…. is amazing. I’m happy now. I feel at peace.” You said softly, feeling yourself almost cry. “and I…… I can’t thank you enough.“
"You can thank me by getting started on the stalls in the back!" she says with a playful tone while she brings out a bucket.
"Oh anything, you name it!" You then grab the bucket and start heading to the back door, a little skip to your walk. She chuckles and shakes her head, "so much heart….”
She then ponders for a moment, her smile fading, “But I fear the worse for you”
-
“Anything?” He says as he strides through the doors, a hiss behind him as they close.
Hux briefly looked back, not wanting to make an effort to look at Ren. “No. But there is word she hid in a shuttle and that’s how she left the ship.”
“Where did it go?”
“Unfortunately, we don’t know. The Resistance shot down all four shuttles when they attacked one of our bases. It happened before we could pin point their exact location but we did get something.” Hux then nodded to one of the communications and they quickly pulled up a map, the lights lid up projecting it in the middle of the command room.
Ren walked around, examining it. “Are you sure? Its the back end of the galaxy, why would the resistance be all the way out here?”
“Not sure but its a start. Now if you excuse me I have to get back to running an army.” He then turned back around to look out the thick windows.
Kylo stayed silent, sending daggers at Hux’ head, after a moment he turned back around and walked out.
-
It was another glorious day– well, glorious to you that is. It started out fine as usual, cleaning up the floors, clearing out the front to make it look decent again from the previous drunk bunches the night before. Everything was going so smoothly.
“(Y/n)!”
You hear Maz’ faint voice call you from inside.
“Coming!” You yell back finishing sweeping dirt off the stone stairs.
You walked back in wiping your hands down with your apron. “Yes Maz?” You then looked up but she was no where in sight. “Maz?”
No answer.
“Maz? Hello?”
There was an eeriness in the air that sent chills down your spine which made you aware of how much you were sweating. “Please answer. Maz? Rack? Anyone?” Your voice croaked just a little, hands shaking a little.
“(Y/n).” said a familiar deep muffled voice.
You stop, feeling the beads of sweat roll down your temple as you recognized it.
“Ren.” You said back. too scared to face him but hesitantly you did. There he was in all is his black robe glory, looming just feet away from you, his stance was defensive and he seemed relaxed.
“How?”
He stayed quiet for a moment then with a slight shrug of his shoulders says; “I guessed.”
“Is anyone with you?”
“No,” he says again with a low voice. “I came alone.”
“Why? Why can’t you leave me alone? Just leave. We were a mistake.” you said with light rears going down your face. “I’m happy here.”
He scoffs. “Here? Surrounded by drunk bastards that probably wont look your way twice? You don’t belong here.”
“Who are you to say where I do and don’t belong.” you raised your voice taking a step towards him. “You don’t own me Kylo. No one does.”
“You’re right. I don’t…..” he starts walking around you slowly. “But I do know what’s best. You’re not safe here.”
“Ha! From you I am.” You turn you head but he stops. “I’m not talking about me, (Y/n).”
Your brows falter and crease. “What do you mean? Is there someone after me?”
“I don’t know exactly but I know they’re on to you. You’re not protected anymore.”
“The only danger here is you Kylo. I’m done with this.” You walked away and when you did light returned and Kylo was no where to be found.
“Child are you okay?” Maz asked walking from the back.
You looked up and realized you were on the floor heaving and pale, covered in sweat. “I-I-I don’t know Maz. He was here. H-He was right here!” You held your hand out to the empty space Kylo was just moments before.
“He’s here Maz!”
She saw the desperation in your eyes and sighed. “No one has been here dear.” She came up to you and placed her hands on your cheeks. “You’re cold and clammy.” She stated feeling for a fever.
“What happen?” She said sternly making you look at her.
You took a moment, “He said I was in danger and that something was after me.”
“Who’s after you?” Her eyes bore into yours.
Lips trembling you replied. barely above a whisper;”I don’t know.”
She dropped her hands. “So it is true….” she says standing up and facing away.
“W-what? What’s true?” You said scrambling to your feet.
She held a hand up. “It’s best you don’t know. Who told you this?”
You swallowed. “Kylo Ren.”
She sighed. “You’re not safe here anymore. I knew this day would come.”
“Please, let me stay. I have no where else to go.” You pleaded to her.
“No. It’s not safe here anymore. You have to go. Soon. I will make arrangements for you. Somewhere other than here.” She starts to walk away.
“So then what?” You yell to her.
She stops and turns halfway.
“Build a life there until I’m in danger again and keep running? Is that what my life is going to be like?”
She closes her eyes, a sign of grimace across her face. “I’m sorry (Y/n), this is for your protection. You can’t let it find you.”
You sniffled. “Please Maz. I don’t know where else to go.”
“I’m not going to send you to some unknown destination (Y/n). I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. In the mean time, just…….” She sighs again; “just stay here- for now. Until I can come up with something.”
You looked down at your feet and nodded. “Okay.”
-
A few days have past since Maz told you about your sudden departure, you were sweeping up a mess some idiot made but you couldn’t focus since Maz told you this morning the people taking you will be here in the afternoon and so you ended up bumping into a costumer who wasn’t really so nice.
:He snarled at you and made a move to push you but you dodged it and with all the anger and sadness returning after seeing Kylo again you pushed him.
Everyone stopped including the music and looked at you and the thing on the floor covered in his own beverage. They laughed at him and even the people in his group.
This made him more angry and stood up abruptly. “Why you!” He said in a unnatural deep voice and took a swing at you.
With ease since he’s very large and slow you were ale to dodge it again. Maybe all those times watching Kylo train paid off.
“Not in the mood buddy. Go back to your friends, next one is on me.” You suggest taking a step back from.
“You need to learn some manners little one.” His nostrils flared up and he came at you, too fast for you to dodge and you went flying to the wall where you slammed against it and fell to the floor on your stomach.
There was more loud commotion and voices yelling but you couldn’t even lift up your head to see, with very blurred vision you saw a figure walk towards you and lean down to check you.
“She needs to see a medic.” they said. Softly you felt their hand caress your stinging cheek. “We’ll take her now.”
Then everything went black.
-
You stood at the doorway, watching how she rode him and he reacted so lustfully, he hasn’t looked at you like that since she first started working for him.
The heartache hurt just as much as when your heart fluttered for him that first time you gave him your body.
You swallowed what pride you had and turned to darkness, at first you walked mindlessly then you saw him, highlighted by a red light.
“I know you’re there.” You said not bothering to turn around.
He didn’t respond so you turned.
“What’s after me?” You demanded. “I figured it out. you weren’t really there. You just got inside my head by using the force. You promised you wouldn’t do that.” Your voice softened a bit at the end.
You can practically hear his smile, “What gave it away?” he asked taking a couple steps towards you.
“How about that annoying headache you left afterwards?”
“Ah, you figured me out (Y/n). You’ve always been smart. I can see why Hux always wanted you by his side.”
“Don’t mock me.” Your voice cracked.
He came around, you could feel him behind you. “I wasn’t” Then you hear the hiss of his helmet and a heavy thud to the floor. “I miss you. Come back to me.” He proceeds to say pressing his chest against your back then feeling of his hands grab yours and intertwine fingers. “Please.”
That deep voice of his always made your knees buckle and your heart skip a beat, even for how much anger and resentment you have towards him he was your first love.
“Kylo….” you said lowly.
His hands moved up to grab your arms softly and you sighed, “Why did you do it?” you asked that one question that has been looming in your head since the day you left.
He didn’t answer.
“Please I need to know. You can at least give me an answer.”
Still quiet.
“Kylo?” You tried to turn but his grip on you tightened. “Ow! That hurts!” You pry at his hands but they just gripped tighter. “Hey!” You shout at him and look down in horror as his hands start to grow and morph, long claws tearing through the gloves, so long they wrapped completely around your arms.
“Kylo?” You said more desperately. No response except a snarled growl behind you. When you turned your head you couldn’t see anything as it was too dark.
“(Y/n)!” two voices said.
You looked forward to see, far away, a small light and two small figures running towards you and as they got closer they turned into one; a hand reached out but the beast holding on to you yanked you before they could reach and you screamed into the black that was now your reality.
-
You jolt awake, immediately trying to sit up but regret as the setting of a excruciating headache closed in. “Oh. Ow, ow.” You winced laying back down.
“Hey. Hey. Take it easy, you’re safe.” A smooth voice said.
You looked over at the person it belonged to. “Huh?”
He chuckles a little. “It’s okay. You’re at one of the safest places in the Galaxy.”
“And that place would be?” You asked.
“The main Resistance Base.”
“Oh. Um, was this the place Maz was talking about?”
“Well I only talked to her once and that was when I met her to pick you up, uh, I mean escort you here.” He sheepishly says rubbing the back of his head.
“Um, not to be mean or anything but who are you?”
“Oh! How stupid of me. I’m Dameron, Poe Dameron. I helped get you here safely while you were unconscious.”
You nod slowly. “Oh…. okay. So you were flying the craft I was in?”
“Uh–no. Ha ha.” He laughs nervously. “I was flying along side, making sure no one tried to pick a fight.”
You sat up slowly, feeling all the bruises and aches set in. “So,” you winced; “You’re a pilot? Like the X-wings?”
He nods. “Yeah. I can show you around the base when you’re feeling better.”
“That’d be really neat actually, after everything that’s happened.” You shrug.
You looked at each other for a moment, finally noticing his dark curls and the tinge of light in his eyes, so different from Kylo.
“Dameron!” A voice sounded from across the room.
Both heads turn to see a scolding nurse with supplies in her arms. “time for to leave the poor girl alone. She’s had quit a journey here and I don’t need you slowing down her progress.” She starts to shoosh him away.
He gets up from his spot and walks around the bed. “Right. See you later (Y/n)!” He gives a small wave.
“Bye Poe!” You wave with your good hand.
You then turn to the nurse as she dumps the supplies on your bed. “Alright, let’s re-bandage those wounds.”
An exploration of Rey’s unseen grief over Ben’s death at the end of TROS.
(feat. Force Ghost Ben and a happy ending.)
preview:
The moment he is gone she forgets how to grieve.
The first and only thing she feels is pain, sharp and unyielding, like she has been run through by a lightsaber right in the soft spot at the base of her neck.
The pain fades quickly and is replaced instead by a hollowness that spreads from the centre of her chest outwards; an implacable coldness that consumes her quickly. She feels her face ease from its tormented grimace into something that might have almost been considered serene if it didn’t feel so much like a brumal death from within. She exhales softly, a light breath released from lips that have gone numb.
Her hands dazedly pat the soft material of his tunic, still warm from his body, as though she has somehow just missed him. As though she’ll still make contact with a solid form underneath and within.
Instead, all she encounters is the scrabbled ground beneath the fabric. There is no warm, breathing, living man within. It is now just an overlay for the hard unyielding rock below.
Had it truly been just moments before that she had held him in her arms, legs spread across his, their chests touching?
Was it really only seconds prior where their lips had met, held and captured, his mouth moving against her own? The feel of his fevered breath expelling from his nose and hitting her cheek as they desperately, awkwardly tasted each other for the first time? His arms hefting her, holding her, crushing her to him?
Had it even really happened?
For a moment she wonders if maybe she is dead again.
Maybe she is still dead.
Maybe she was always dead?
The feeling is the same, after all. The feeling of being trapped in that horrid liminal space where she had screamed and screamed in isolated terror, her voice singular amongst the endless stars; that inky blackness symbolizing a blank eternity.
Her throat feels raw, raw like she is still screaming although her face does not move aside from the slow descent of her eyelids, blink after painful blink.
Her breath comes out in short bursts as she scrambles up on shaky legs. At the last second she reaches down and grasps the shirt still on the ground, crumpling it up and sticking it under her arm. Her feet feel like leaden weights, knees wobbling, the coldness in her chest beginning to feel like an icy burn.
Summary: You’re faced with grief and heartache on your first day back to Earth. Kylo senses you across the galaxy and has to find you. There is defiance in Kylo Ren’s crew, and you experience first-hand what it’s like to land on his bad side. There is a war afoot, and you are the prize of interest.
TW/CW:heavy angst, loss (mentions of illness, death), grief, confessions of feelings, protective Kylo, feral Kylo, language and lots of yelling
A/N: this part has some darker undertones. Though this has been a slow burn fic, I think you’ll notice the relationship picking up during this part and just know that it’s about to get reeeeal steamy up in this ship. I can hardly wait! Thanks for reading!
-*-*-*-*-
As you come around the final curve to your house, you squint as you see several cars parked out in the driveway and even on the side of the road.
You quickly park your gift from Kylo and make your way inside to find a house full of quiet people. Your heart sinks when you see the majority of them wearing black, clutching tissues and speaking quietly to one another.
You glance in the corner to see a large portrait of your mother next to several gatherings of flowers.
Your hands fly up to your mouth as you choke on a broken sob, causing many of the guests to look at you. You don’t recognize most of them, probably old friends of your mother’s. It isn’t until your estranged aunt walks in from down the hall when someone finally speaks to you.
“Nice of you to finally show up,” she says as she dabs at her teary eyes like the hypocrite she is.
“Wha- what happened?” You ask as your chest heaves from trying not to have a full blown panic attack.
“It got bad. Real bad. She called me 2 weeks ago when she hadn’t heard from you because she couldn’t even get to the bathroom, Y/N. You could’ve told someone you were leaving,” she said harshly before turning and walking away.
Your aunt was never a nice woman. She was awful to your mother, but she was all she had left other than you. You knew you could never explain your situation to her. You feel your heart break as you imagine your mother so alone and helpless that she had to reach out to her.
As you made your way through the house, you were met with nothing but rude, disappointed glares. No doubt a result of your aunt’s gossip of misinformation.
You couldn’t take it anymore. And you definitely couldn’t stay in this house without your mom for another second.
—-
Kylo stood grimly at the large windows that covered one side of his bed quarters. He braced himself with one arm against the glass as he studied the stars and space trash that floated by aimlessly.
He couldn’t recall a time in his life where he didn’t feel empty, but this was a new kind of loss. Like he was missing an organ. A piece of himself. He hoped it would ease off, but the further The Finalizer got from Earth, the worse he felt. He missed you fiercely.
He made his way to your old room, opening the door with his master key that opened every door on the ship.
Livvie jumped at the sound of the door’s pressure, standing at attention as Kylo walked in.
“Nurse Livic,” he greeted her with a nod.
“Supreme Leader, I just was cleaning out some of Y/N’s things-”
“That won’t be necessary,” Kylo said quickly, cutting her off. “I’ll do it myself.”
Livvie was stunned, unsure of how to respond. “O-okay…”
“That will be all. Dismissed,” he said firmly as she quickly left the room.
Kylo walked slowly through your room, taking in the state of the bed where you’d slept last, the sheets still a mess. He felt the urge to smile, thinking of how he never made his bed either.
He walked over to your desk where a pile of books you borrowed from the ship’s library sat. He looked through them, thinking how odd it was that you preferred paper books to the digital copies that were also available. He wasn’t much of a reader himself. Couldn’t keep his mind quiet enough.
His sadness quickly turned to anger as it usually did, lashing out in such a way that he knocked all the books to the floor. As if you knew he would, a small piece of paper slipped from some of the pages and slid directly between his large boots.
The neatly folded page had a K inscribed on it, which gave him all the permission he needed to further inspect it.
When he picked it up, he felt his chest tighten as he read your dainty handwriting:
Supreme Leader,
I don’t know if I ever thanked you for saving me. Or housing me. Or providing me with clothes, medical attention, and enough grumpy looks to last me a lifetime… But thank you. I’ll never forget my time on this ship. I hope you find whatever it is you need to be happy.
- Y/N
He squeezed his eyes shut as his heart ached, slipping the note into his robes so he wouldn’t risk ruining it with his habit of balling his fists. The ache grew and grew, until he had to steady himself against your bed to cope.
He contemplated calling for Nurse Livic as the pain surged so much that he thought he was having a heart attack. He clutched his chest as he exhaled heavily, eyes darting back and forth as he heard what sounded like your voice echoing in his mind.
He stopped his own breathing to listen closely, shutting his eyes as he tried to focus past the agonizing pain he felt rattling through him now.
He could faintly see you, your face twisted up in agony as you cried. This wasn’t a memory, he’d never seen you like this in your time on his ship.
You screamed out again and he gasped, feeling like the air was being squeezed from his lungs. The background slowly materialized and he realized where you were - kneeling in the middle of the same frozen lake he found you on a month ago.
He summoned all his strength to stand and forced himself out into the hall, trudging to the control room where they were steering the ship.
“Turn around, go back to Earth,” he commanded through the pain as he walked in, clutching the side of the doorframe for support.
“But sir-”
“Turn the fucking ship around! I said go back!” He growled, his anger radiating in his voice.
The men quickly did as he said. They knew better than to question him twice.
——-
You sank to your knees, trailing your fingers over the slick ice as you remember the day you fell in.
Back when things were simpler, your heart not aching for a man that didn’t occupy the same planet as you – back when your mother was alive.
The guilt you felt for leaving her consumed you. The way you missed the man responsible for your absence made it even worse. You missed him so much you could hardly breathe. You’d planned to tell your mother about him, about his hardened resolve that softened when you were near. About how breathtakingly handsome he was and how he saved your life. But she was gone now, and you’d never get the chance.
You wept as the sobs wracked your chest, painfully forcing themselves out of your lungs and into the frigid air, so hard that you barely noticed the familiar sound of The Finalizer starting it’s descent into the atmosphere.
You’re suddenly taken back to the day Kylo saved you as you’re overwhelmed with emotion, remembering when he reached in the Arctic waters to pull you from the very depths with which you were meant to die.
Kylo is off the ship as soon as the exit ramp has fallen, trudging out into the snow as he approaches the edge of the lake.
“What are you doing out there, are you trying to kill yourself?!” He shouts, anger brimming his voice as he watches you incredulously, sitting on the same ice that had nearly killed you before.
When you lift your head to look at him, the color drains from his face. He sees your swollen eyes, stained red from crying as the wind whips your hair around in all directions. He’s taking long strides and is over to you within seconds, lifting you from your knees and into his arms.
He carries you off the ice and sets you down again on stable ground, grasping the sides of your face as he forces you to look up at him.
“What happened? Are you hurt?” He asks loudly, struggling to speak over the sound of the ship. He frantically looks over your face and body, searching for any sign of what’s causing your grief.
You collapse into his chest as you cling to him, catching him off guard as he instinctively holds you, his large arms wrapping around you in a way that makes you feel the safest you ever have.
“Please, Y/N.. Please tell me what’s going on,” he begs, feeling your agony ripping through his chest as you cry into it.
You pull back, looking out into the snow as you wipe your eyes. “My mother. She’s gone,” is all you can manage to say before you break into another sob.
Kylo’s jaw clenches as he looks at you, his own issues with his family causing him a world of pain in the past. He could only imagine how the loss would feel for someone that was close to their family.
He pulls you back against him, tighter this time as he places his hand on the back of your head.
“Why did you come back?” You ask once you’re able to breathe again, still clung to Kylo’s large torso.
“I could feel you… I felt your pain,” he says against your hair, squeezing his eyes shut as you start to calm down.
The wind and snow start to pick up now, the white flakes falling beautifully against Kylo’s dark locks.
“Come with me,” he says as he walks toward the ship, grabbing your hand and pulling you behind him.
You shudder at the warmth as the ship’s hatch closes behind you. Kylo reaches into a closet, pulling out a large coat and wrapping it around your shoulders as you sit on one of the benches, pulling your legs up into your chest.
“You’ll have to forgive me. I don’t know how to speak on such matters,” he says formally, anxiously fidgeting with his gloves.
You shake your head as you look down at your knees. “It’s okay.”
You sit in silence for a few moments until the door to the rest of the ship beeps, and in walks Livvie. She gasps as she sees you in your distraught state, looking between you and Kylo as she doesn’t know what to say or do.
Kylo looks to the floor, fighting the urge to scold her for her intrusion. If it were anyone else, he would have. But he knew you’d grown fond of her during your stay.
“I was just checking the landing levels, my lord,” She asks carefully, giving you a sympathetic look.
“Very well,” he says quickly as she walks over to press buttons on the far wall by the door. She stops at the exit, looking back toward Kylo, then at you.
“Will you be staying, Y/N? Should I prepare your rooms again?” She asks you with a glimmer of hope in her voice.
Kylo turns to you, eagerly awaiting your answer.
“If you’ll have me,” is all you say, glancing at Kylo before shifting your gaze back to the floor.
Kylo nods at Livvie, giving her a knowing look as she hurries out of the room to give you back your privacy.
Kylo walks over and kneels in front of you, still so impossibly tall, even at this level. He takes your hands as he looks at you with sadness.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asks as his brows furrow. “I thought you you hated it here,” he says with a pained face, feeling insecurity sweep through his gut.
“I didn’t hate it, Kylo,” you say quietly, searching his face, willing him to believe you. “You have to understand, this is a completely different world for me.”
He nods, taking a deep, shaky breath.
“Besides, there’s nothing left for me here,” you say as you look out the window that towers over the lake now. “But I don’t know, I- I wouldn’t want to be an imposition..” you said as you remembered how much trouble you’d given him during your previous stay.
“You’re not an imposition,” he says lowly, shaking his head as his dark waves sway with the movements. “Never.”
You watch his eyes as they search yours, looking for any sign of hesitation or discourse. Instead, he finds relief. You feel your shoulders relax as the weight of the day starts to melt off of them.
“Come, you need sleep,” he says as his usual authoritative tone kicks in again, rising to his feet and offering you his hand.
—–
Kylo leaves your room after taking one last look at your sleeping face. He closes the door and waves his hand to make sure it’s locked from the inside before making his rounds around the ship.
He slows his movements as he hears the muffled sounds of a storm trooper in an area they usually aren’t permitted in. He listens closely from outside as the man speaks quietly.
“No, I’m sure of it. He almost killed me for putting hands on her… Until she stopped him.”
Kylo heard the hushed voice of TR-7718 through the door, and the voice of someone over a transmission speaking back to him. The voice was deep, brooding, and vaguely familiar.
“So Ren has taken a liking to this earth girl. Interesting.” The voice declares, sending a shiver up Kylo’s spine. It’s this moment when he recognizes Zancou’s voice.
The storm trooper jumps as the door slides open, Kylo not waiting another second to throw him against the wall into a strangulating hold.
He summons his light saber, thrashing it angrily against the communication device until there’s only ash and metal debris left on the floor, smoke bellowing from the place it once sat. When he’s sure it’s destroyed, he turns his attention back to the traitor that’s pinned to the wall by the force.
—-
You sit up in bed suddenly, your heart racing as you feel a panic settle into your stomach. You look around, taking in your surroundings of your bed chambers as you try to get your bearings.
You feel an ache. One of fear and anger, twisting in your stomach to the point of nausea. You climb out of bed, wrapping yourself in your robes as you try to walk off the feeling. You open your door and walk into the hall, your bare feet padding against the metal tile beneath you. You stop in your tracks when you feel the feeling grow stronger with every step down the corridor you take. And you realize what this feeling is and where it’s coming from - Kylo.
You take off, running down the hall as you chase the feeling, until you hear his voice in the distance. He’s angry, feral with whoever he’s punishing. You slide against the wall as you can’t help but eavesdrop.
“What did you tell him?” Kylo shouts, digging the force deeper into the sides of the storm trooper’s throat. He reaches up, grasping at the invisible hold around his neck.
“The… the truth,” the man spits, anger lacing his voice.
“How much does he know?” Kylo growls, followed by a thud of what you assume is the man’s body being thrown against the wall. “Answer me!” He yells. You hear a buzzing sound as Kylo ignites his light saber once more, holding it against the man’s throat as he roots for information.
“I gave you a second chance, TR-7718. That was clearly a mistake. You will be a lesson for the rest of this ship,” Kylo says with a condescending tone as you hear him thrash something around, followed by another thud as the storm trooper’s lifeless body falls to the ground.
You gasp, covering your mouth to hide the sound and quickly make your way back to your room.
Kylo puts away his saber, his head aching from the strength at which he had been clenching his jaw. He had been too angry to notice your presence, lost in a sea of his emotions and betrayal. He ordered a clean-up and made his way to his own bedroom for some much needed sleep.
—-
You jump the next morning as your door slides open, relieved when you see it’s just Livvie bringing you breakfast. She sets the tray down by your bed and gives you a concerned look.
“You seem a little jumpy, are you okay?” She asks as she sits on the edge of your bed. You nod, giving her a small smile.
“Just didn’t sleep well. I’m fine,” you say as you look at the plate of pancakes and bacon. You just don’t feel hungry.
“I’m so sorry about your mom, Y/N,” she says as she places her hand on your leg. “I’m here if you need anything at all, okay? I mean it.”
You could feel the tears welling in your eyes at her kindness, as she reached over to give you a hug. As she pulls back, she motions to the breakfast. “I know it’s hard, but I really need you to eat a little something,” she instructed.
You promised you would as your door slid open again, and you immediately tensed at the sight of Kylo. You avert your eyes as Livvie stands at attention.
“Nurse Livic, Y/N,” he says in a formal greeting as he nods.
“Good morning, my Lord,” Livvie says as she bows.
Livvie starts to give Kylo a briefing about the plans for the day when Kylo glances over at you.
You keep your head down, nervously picking at your nails and shaking your leg. You try to act normal but you can feel his stare.
“Leave us,” Kylo says to Livvie, who tries to protest. “Now.” he demands harshly. Livvie quickly gathers her things and leaves the room.
Kylo walks closer to the bed, moving slowly as his robes glide over the floor into your line of vision.
“Y/N,” he says softly, asking you to look at him. His voice drastically different than it was just seconds ago with Livvie. You can’t bring yourself to do it.
“What is it?” He asks, kneeling down in a way that startles you and you sit back further in the bed. “What’s changed?”
You find your courage buried deep and swallow hard before finally glancing up at his face.
“Did you kill that man?” You ask with a shaky voice.
Kylo squeezes his eyes shut, clenching his jaw as he drops his head. “I thought I sensed you.”
He takes a deep breath as you watch him carefully, knelt down by your bedside. “I didn’t have a choice.”
“You didn’t have to kill him, Kylo-” you start to plead as your tears threaten to spill over your waterline.
“Yes, I did!” He says as his voice raises, rising to his feet as he towers over you now. “This is what I have to do to run this ship and keep my crew in line. What he did was… Unforgivable.” Kylo says as his voice trails off, his eyes frantically scanning the walls as he recalls what had happened last night.
“He let something slip, I mean, we all make mistakes,” you beg.
“Treason. It was treason, Y/N. And because of his betrayal, someone way worse than I knows of you,” he snaps, standing over your with wild eyes. His chin quivers and you can feel your heart crack.
“Wh-who?” You ask with fear in your voice, but for a different reason than earlier.
You could see it all over his face. He was scared. Something you never thought you’d witness.
“His name is Zancou. He’s been after me for years,” he says as he runs his fingers through his hair nervously.
“What does that have to do with me? Why would he care?” You ask as you search his face for answers.
“Because I’m Kylo Ren,” he snaps again, turning to face you as his eyes burn into yours. “And I do not take passengers unless I plan to kill them. That traitor-” he spits angrily as he points toward the door, “-has informed Zancou that I haven’t. That has piqued his interest. It’s a game to him now.”
You shudder as you can hear and see the severity of the situation all over Kylo. He runs his hands over his face as he tries to calm down. He didn’t mean to yell at you.
“I know you think I’m a monster. And you’re right,” he says as he takes a calmer tone, swallowing back his anger as he balls his fists up. “But I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep this ship running,” he says as he walks over and pulls your breakfast tray directly in front of you, motioning for you to eat.
“And take down anyone that tries to threaten what’s mine,” He says as he pulls his helmet back on, heading for the exit.
Series Summary: You had never thought that you would ever find someone you wanted to love for the rest of your life, then you practically fell into his arms.
Chapter Summary: Your date with Kylo doesn’t go too well and he feels really bad about that.
Warnings: Mentions of the reader being cheated on and abused in a past relationship and Kylo accidentally makes the reader cry
Once arriving at the fancy restaurant Kylo had picked out, the two of you were led to your table. You kept your shaking hands hidden behind your back the whole walk there, not wanting your nervousness to be too visible.
You were seated in a very secluded area of the restaurant that took walking down a long hallway to get to. This room was dimly lit and there was only one other couple in there.
The second you arrived at your table and the hostess had set down your menu’s, Kylo quickly pulled out your chair for you, making you smile at him while he then pushed the chair back in.
You smile again when Kylo sits down and his eyes meet your own, he smiled back and sent you a quick wink as he could see your waiter coming down the hallway that lead to the room you two were in.
“I’m Fin, I’ll be your waiter tonight. What can I get started for you two?” the waiter said as he started to stand in front of the table and set down the two glasses of water he brought with him down, quickly taking out his notepad and pen just moments later.
You ordered your favorite drink and Kylo ordered the most expensive whisky the restaurant had in stock like he didn’t care about expensive it could end up being.
And once the waiter left to retrieve your drinks, Kylo decided that this would be a good time to ask you some questions about yourself to get to know you better.
“So, what do you do for a living?” he asked you after he took a slow sip of his water, his dark gaze never leaving your face.
You smiled at his interest in you, “I’m a journalist and you?” you answered, still kindly smiling at him.
Kylo hesitated for a moment before he finally answered your question, “I own a few businesses.” he told you, hoping that you wouldn’t pry for more answers about what he did for a living.
You simply nodded in response prior to you taking a sip of your own water, causing you to notice that your hands had finally stopped shaking for the second time tonight.
Some air quietly exited your lungs and you let your back rest against your chair when your waiter had come back to your table, now holding the drinks you two had ordered less than ten minutes ago.
And once he was gone again to deliver to your orders to one of the chefs, Kylo asked you some more questions about yourself. You were truly fascinating to him and you thought the same of Kylo.
“Where did you grow up?” he asked, slowly reaching out to hold your hand over the table, you accepted his soft touch.
You began to rub your thumb along the back of his large hand as you started to speak again, your actions comforting you both greatly. Kylo now felt himself starting to feel more comfortable around you.
“Connecticut, I lived there my whole life until I started college. How about you? Where did you grow up?” you answered, still holding Kylo’s hand in yours in a comforting manner.
He hesitated again before he spoke and you noticed this, making you feel a bit concerned but you assured yourself that he was probably feeling nervous during this date as well.
“I’m from New York, although I have considered moving away from this city several times.” he told you with an awkward laugh.
“How old are you?” he promptly asked.
“25, and you?” you answered.
“30.” he simply said in response.
Not wanting to make him feel worse, you began to silently comfort Kylo once again and then brought up another topic you two could use to get to know more about each other.
———————————
The two of you continued to get to know each other and talk even as the waiter came back with the meals you had ordered. Talking came so easily when you were around Kylo. He never made you feel ashamed or nervous to tell him anything.
A little while after the waiter had disappeared once more after delivering your meals, Kylo started to ask you about your dating past. You were currently on a date with him after all.
“Have you ever been in a long-term relationship before?” he kindly asked you, his eyes still locked on yours even as he ate.
This question caused you to grow quiet and your smile to leave your face as you set down the fork you were using. Tears had quickly started to pool in your eyes as you then removed the napkin from your lap and set it on the table next to your almost empty plate.
You then looked at him once as tears started to fall down your face then speedily walked out of the restaurant with your head down. You wanted to avoid the possibility of anyone seeing you cry.
Kylo’s question had reminded of you your last long-term relationship, which was somewhat towards the end of college. Kylo had accidentally reminded you of your ex who ended up cheating on you then later verbally abused you.
Kylo felt horrible for making you cry, he didn’t mean to make you upset and he wanted you to know this. So, he put a random high amount of cash on the table to pay for the meal then left the restaurant as well.
Once exiting the restaurant, he found you leaning against a nearby wall as you attempted to discreetly cry without anyone seeing or hearing you.
He then slowly approached you and lightly rested his hand on your shoulder that was now covered by a jacket you had brought with you, causing your sad eyes to look up into his as he began to frown.
“I’m so sorry, dove. It was not my intention to make you cry, I promise.” he told you, his hand slowly shifting to one of your cheeks to make sure that your eyes stayed on his.
“Just take me home, please. I’ll explain everything in the car.” you quietly told him as you wrapped your arms around yourself, letting him wipe your tears away even though the makeup you were wearing transferred onto his hand.
Kylo then softly took your hand in his again and you let him lead the way back to his car, tears still falling down your face as you walked, the moonlight making them more obvious.
Once reaching the car for the second time that evening, Kylo gave you a gentle kiss on the back of your hand before he closed the passenger side door and walked over to the drivers side of the car.
You were quiet for the first few minutes of the drive, but eventually you got the confidence to tell Kylo the truth about tonight, about why such a simple question made you cry.
“When I was in my junior year of college, my boyfriend at the time began to be verbally abusive after a girl from a nearby sorority told me that my boyfriend had cheated on me several times with some of the girls in that sorority.” you paused for a moment to let out a shaky breath and as way to silently tell you to keep going, Kylo took your hand in his again and started to comfort you like you had comforted him earlier.
You took a deep breath before continuing on with your story, “And when I confronted him about it, he had thrown all sorts of insults my way and made me like it was my fault he had cheated on me. And though I knew that I should’ve left him then, I didn’t because he was all I had at that point in time. For the next year after that, he continued to abuse me and cheat on me and I didn’t actually leave him until graduation because I knew he’d be going back to his hometown.” you made known, letting out another shaky breath once you had finished your story.
Kylo felt tears well up in his own eyes as he listened to what you had to say. The fact that someone you loved and trusted had treated you like this made him feel incredibly angry and sad. You didn’t deserve that kind of pain whatsoever.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, (y/n). You deserve so much better than what that man gave you and again, I’m sorry for reminding you of him.” he said as he looked over into your eyes, those pesky tears never actually leaving his eyes.
You pressed the back of his hand against your cheek and you met his gaze and responded to him, “It’s alright, Kylo, it’s not your fault. I forgive you.” you told him as your tears dried up, a smile on your face instead of a frown.
Kylo then pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and put his brown eyes back on the dark narrow roads ahead of him.
———————————
After Kylo parked his car in front of your apartment building, he kept you close to his side as he walked you home. And as you walked, he couldn’t help but pay attention to how red your cheeks and eyes still were.
He continued to feel absolutely horrible for making you cry tonight, even if it was on accident.
You slowly let go of Kylo’s hand as you got closer to your front door so that you could grab your keys from your purse and unlock it.
“Goodnight.” you quietly tell Kylo, still not facing him as you feared you would start crying again if you did.
And just as you were about to walk into the safety of your cozy home, Kylo quickly grabbed your wrist in his hand and spun you around so that you had no choice but to look at him.
He started to hold your pretty face in both of his hands and pointed your face up slightly. He placed a very light kiss to the tip of your nose then spoke again.
“Let me make it up to you. How about the two of us have a picnic in a park I own tomorrow afternoon?” he anxiously proposed to you, reminding you of how the weekend would be starting the following day.
“Okay.” you whispered in response with the nod of your head, just wanting to be truly alone in your home in this moment.
Kylo pressed another quick kiss to your forehead and disappeared just as quickly as he had the day you bumped into him.
Series Summary: You had never thought that you would ever find someone you wanted to love for the rest of your life, then you practically fell into his arms.
Chapter Summary: You and Kylo prepare for your first date.
Warnings: One curse word but that’s it lol
Kylo stared at his reflection in the tall full length mirror in front of him as he put a pitch black blazer on over the dark grey dress shirt he had picked out. He chose these colors because he wanted you to smile and remember the day you two first met when you saw the similar looking shirt and blazer he was wearing.
He then buttoned the sleeves on his blazer and headed to his expensive looking bathroom, dark granite surrounding him, making him look like some sort of god as the light bounced off of his jaw and cheekbones.
Kylo stared at himself again as he brushed out his hair, making sure to run a moisturizing hair serum through the ends of his hair, which added a subtle shine to his hair. And once his hair looked perfect in his eyes, he brushed his teeth and applied a specific cologne that he thought you would like.
He thought you would like the cologne he had put on because it wasn’t too overwhelming but instead enchanting and comforting, like you.
And as Kylo continued to get ready, all he could think about was how it would be to see you in person again instead of just talking to you through text or over a phone call. He wanted to see how your face reacted to the things he would say to you.
He didn’t know how the rest of the night would play out. But there were two things that he was absolutely confident about, one, he would make sure that tonight would go perfect as his abilities would allow and two, he was going to hide his involvement in the mafia from you for as long as possible.
All he wanted besides you was to keep you safe and he knew that he had to hide his involvement because he couldn’t risk his enemies getting their hands on you. He couldn’t risk you getting hurt if they found out about you and him.
But if ever came down to that, he would protect you with his life.
————————————————————
The second Kylo finished getting ready, he hopped in his sleek all black car and basically sped over to your apartment building, not wanting to risk being late just because he got caught up in his thoughts.
And just to his luck, your apartment was only twenty minutes away from his house. But as a result of his speeding, he made it there in only ten minutes.
In this moment he was glad that he had frightened the police enough to the point where they would no longer go after an intimidating looking car with the name ‘Ren’ on the license plates.
Once he exited his car, he quickly fixed his hair using the reflection on the hood of his car then began to jog up the stairs that led to your small apartment.
——————————————
As for you, you were still quickly getting ready, your heart pounding in your chest as you watched the clock get closer and closer to the time Kylo promised to show up by.
You were excited to see him again and actually talk to him in person but that still didn’t dissolve how nervous you felt at the same time. You just wanted him to like you.
But little did you know, you’d never have to worry about that because he was already head over heals in love with you. The only thing he felt for you was love and he hoped that this feeling would never fade.
You were wearing a long black dress that had a somewhat long slit over your right leg. You were wearing black eyeliner paired with a bright red lipstick.
And as you stared at yourself in your own mirror, you slowly took deep breaths in a desperate attempt to stop your hands from shaking so that you could put your earrings in.
Luckily for you, for times sake, they finally stopped shaking a couple minutes later and you were able to successfully put them in without accidentally poking yourself.
You then ran into your closet and slipped on your favorite pair of heals. They were your favorite as they made you nearly five inches taller than you normally were and always added a bit more confidence to your walk.
——————————————
Your heart almost stopped in your chest when you heard Kylo knock upon your front door. So, you quickly grabbed your purse, made sure you hadn’t accidentally messed up your makeup and then headed over to the door.
You went as fast as your tall heals would allow you, not wanting to make Kylo wait too long for you.
And as you opened the front door, your purse resting against your side, Kylo’s breath hitched in his throat and his eyes widened at the sight of you. You looked so gorgeous, angelic even and you quite literally took Kylo’s breath away.
He didn’t know what to say, so he just spoke from the heart the best he could in this moment.
“You look so beautiful, dove.” he told you as he softly took one of your hands into his, his eyes never leaving you.
He lets go of your hand a second later whilst he watches how his words made you smile and blush as red as the lipstick you were wearing, “Thank you, Kylo.” you paused for a moment then met his eyes, “You look very handsome.” you told him, another smile on your face.
He accepted your compliment as his own cheeks blushed and he offered you his hand again, you took it in yours immediately. 
You then pulled away from him slightly to close and lock your front door before letting Kylo lead you back to his expensive car. And as you two walked back to his car, you smiled up at him again and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, leaving another reminder of you on his body.
And as he watched you do that, he eyes seemed to sparkle while he stared at you, simultaneously smiling at you as he felt himself fall more in love with you. You were everything he had and would ever want and he wasn’t going to let you go.
——————————————
During the whole drive to the restaurant Kylo was taking you to tonight for your date, Kylo kept letting his brown eyes drift over to you. You were his dove and he never wanted to look away from you, even while he was driving.
“You should put your eyes back on the road, dove.” you jokingly said with a laugh, teasing him by using the sweet nickname he had for you.
And to your surprise, he laughed at your shitty joke. His smile was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen, apart from him. It seemed to light up the whole car and now you were the one who couldn’t stop staring once Kylo had put his eyes back on the road.
Kylo felt similarly about your own laugh and smile. Your laugh was like a pretty symphony to his deprived ears, he wanted to hear your laugh and see you smile for the rest of time.
Series Summary: You had never thought that you would ever find someone you wanted to love for the rest of your life, then you practically fell into his arms.
Chapter Summary: You and Kylo become a bit more familiar with each other.
Warnings:Like one curse word but that’s it
As you began to run to work once more this morning, you finally realized what happened to you when you and Kylo’s eyes first met. You had fallen in love with this man at first sight.
Prior to this morning, you thought that love at first sight moments were bullshit and fake. But now that you had bumped into Kylo and fallen into his strong arms, your perspective had been changed completely.
You now believed in the idea of ‘love at first sight’ because you had experienced it first hand and it was nothing like anything you had ever experienced before.
You never wanted to let Kylo go now that you had him, loosely in your comforting grasp.
And as you continued to run to work, you wondered if you over thinking all of this. You wondered if you were already too attached this man as you hadn’t even had a proper conversation yet.
But you quickly shook these thoughts away as the building your worked in came into view. You worked at The Mustafar Times and was just starting the second half of your first year with the successful company. You were still surprised that they had even hired you in the first place.
Everything that happened to you today felt like a dream and you didn’t know what to think or feel whatsoever. You were already beginning to grow lost into the pit of quicksand that was Kylo Ren. But you weren’t complaining at all.
You wanted to love this man, not caring how weird all of this may seem from an outsiders perspective.
———————————
Once arriving on the floor you worked in within the tall building, you nervously walked over to your bosses dark and gloomy office.
“Mr. Hux?” you softly said as you knocked onto the door to his office that was open just a few inches.
“Come in.” he coldly replied, not looking up from whatever he was working on, not even for a second.
You started to speak again once he had invited you into his office, “I apologize for being so late this morning, sir. I accidentally woke up la-.”
Your boss interrupted you as he held up his index finger to silence you, “Just get to work, Mrs. (y/l/n).” he said, still not looking up at you.
You then nodded in response though you knew he wouldn’t see your response and put the door back in the position you found it in prior to going in there to talk to Mr. Hux.
From your point of view, he was just a small man hungry for money and power. But you were still grateful for the fact that he had hired you at the most successful newspaper in all of New York.
So as a compromise with yourself, you kept your mouth shut and pretended to like him so that you wouldn’t have to worry about ever loosing your job, knowing you wouldn’t be able to afford to rent your apartment anymore if you were unemployed.
You sat down in your cubicle minutes later and then pulled out your phone as well as the business card Kylo had given you so that you could introduce yourself to him. And before you even turned your phone on, you peered over your shoulder to make sure that Mr. Hux was still distracted by his work, which he was.
You then typed Kylo’s number into your contacts and sent him a friendly sounding text.
You:
Hi! I’m (y/n), the woman who accidentally bumped into you earlier this morning. :) Sorry I got lipstick on your shirt by the way.
He responded almost right away, his heart pounding in his chest as he speedily re-read the text you had sent a few times before he responded.
Kylo Ren:
It’s alright, (y/n), don’t worry about it. It’s nice to formally meet you.
What he had said caused butterflies to appear in your stomach once again even though they were simply just words on a phone screen.
You:
Hopefully the lipstick will come off easily in the wash. And it’s nice to meet you too, I hope that I’ll bump into you again sometime soon. ;)
God, you were horrible at flirting and you hoped that Kylo understood the message you were trying to get across. Which he did, he thought that your attempt at flirting with him was cute and only made him start to like you even more then he already did.
Kylo Ren:
Again, don’t worry about it, dove. It’s okay, I promise.
His nickname for you made heat sprint your to cheeks, the areas of skin now a light pink while you smiled to yourself.
He sent another text just seconds later, making you feel more excited because of how quickly he was responding to you. You craved this kind of attention from a man like him.
Kylo Ren:
Let me take you out to one of my favorite  restaurants in the city tomorrow night, I’ll pick you up at 6:30pm. Dress formally.
You had to admit, you liked how straight forward he was with you. You liked that you didn’t have to beat around the bush when speaking to the handsome man.
You:
That works, I’ll see you then, Kylo. ;)
You then sent him the address to your apartment and shut your phone off, carefully slipping his business card back into your bag. And as much as you’d like to continue to talk to Kylo, you knew that your boss would catch you in the act eventually.
And as your fingers got settled on your somewhat old keyboard and you turned your computer on, your close work friend, Rey, startles you a bit by popping up and leaning on the barrier that separated your cubicle from hers.
You let out a noise of surprise as she began to pester you about the person you were texting as well as your tardiness this morning.
“Soo, who were you talking to?” she asked you, poking your arm as she talked to you, a grin on her face.
“No one.” you quickly said as you looked up at her with a nervous look in your eyes, her mind waiting for any possible gossip.
Rey then gave you a knowing look and settled back down into her seat, leaving you alone to process every single thing that had happened to you this particular morning on your own.
Series Summary: You had never thought that you would ever find someone you wanted to love for the rest of your life, then you practically fell into his arms.
Chapter Summary: You and Kylo accidentally meet for the first time on your way to work one morning.
Warnings:None :)
Thanks to your somewhat weird sleep schedule, you ended up waking up an hour later than you normally did every morning. You decided to skip breakfast today as you quickly packed yourself lunch and anything else you would need to have with you at work today.
You then speedily got dressed, not really looking at yourself but still hoping that your boss, Mr. Hux wouldn’t be upset about your tardiness and that you would look at least somewhat decent.
And once you were completely ready for the day ahead, you quickly locked the door to your apartment and ran down the old concrete stairs outside of your tall apartment building.
Your heart was racing as you began to run down the sidewalk, tightly holding your tote bag at your side. You absolutely hated being late to anything and you hoped that this wouldn’t reflect badly on you. Especially because your still in the beginning of your hopefully long career as a journalist.
And as you continued to run to work, you began to loose touch with your surroundings, causing locals in the city to yell at you as you accidentally brushed past them at a very quick pace.
While you became closer to the end of this part of the sidewalk, you were looking over your shoulder and apologizing to the business man you had slightly bumped in to, causing him to drop his fancy looking brief case.
Your body then collided with a very tall man’s wide chest, accidentally leaving a light print of the lipstick you had on right next to the pocket on his dark grey button up shirt.
To anyone else that might interact with this man, the lipstick wouldn’t be noticeable at all, but to you it was extremely obvious. This made you feel really guilty as a result, you didn’t want to ruin a strangers clothes.
You both apologize to each other right away as you looked up to meet each other’s gaze.
As you start to back away from this man, the thin heal of your shoe gets caught into a small gap on sidewalk, causing you to drop your bag as you tried to get your shoe free. You then tripped a bit and before you even had the chance to fall onto the ground, this man slid one of his muscular arms under your back and helped you get back up on your feet.
And once you were back on your feet, he bent down briefly to free your heal from the sidewalk, making you smile and blush at this man while he retrieved your bag for you as well.
If you were being honest, he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your whole life and you kind of felt like you fallen in love with him the second his eyes had met yours just minutes ago.
He could feel your deep gaze on him as he did those two things for you, but he didn’t mind it and used this chance to slip his business card into your bag while you were still distracted by his pretty brown eyes.
“Here.” the man says as he kindly hands you your bag, happily smiling back at you.
You thanked him as you started to walk away, but before you could get too far away, this handsome man placed one of his large hands on your clothed shoulder, stopping you in your tracks.
“Call me.” he simply said, a smirk on his face in place of that adorable smile of his.
“Huh?” you quickly responded with furrowed eyebrows, raising one of them for just a second.
He then lifted his hand from your shoulder and pointed to your bag prior to him basically vanishing into thin air after you had looked down.
You looked inside of your bag to see his business card sitting on top of all the things you had quickly packed today. According to the card, his name was Kylo Ren and you weren’t sure why but something about that name made butterflies appear in your stomach.
Whilst Kylo walked away, he couldn’t help but brightly smile to himself at the thought of you. You were soft, kind and beautiful. And up until today he had believed that there was no such thing as ‘love at first sight’. But you easily proved him wrong.
And just as his smile began to fade from his face, he looked down at the mark your lipstick had left on his shirt and just like that he was smiling again, earning confused looks from his Knights while he approached his car.
Initially, Kylo had come to this part of the city to take a walk. He wanted the sounds of the city to fill his head instead of the stressful and burdening thoughts his line of work caused.
If he was being honest with himself, he felt as though he had fallen in love with you the moment your eyes met for the first time. The way your face looked was now engraved in his mind and he liked that, he never wanted to forget you, even if you never ended up calling him.
But Kylo still hoped that you would call him sometime soon as he desperately wanted you to be in his life. Even though he didn’t even know your name yet, he didn’t care about that because you still had him falling for you either way.
He knew you would change his life for the better, that is if you let him into your life and gave him the chance to get to know and love you.
Life ain’t too easy for a woman, ‘specially not a woman on the run like you. With a bounty on your head and gunpowder in your nose, you’ve grown adjusted to a life of solitude away from the hustle and bustle of civilization. That is, until you meet one particular man who’s got a face you’d only ever seen in your dreams – or on wanted posters. And when he offers you a proposition that sounds too good to be true, well. You don’t think your life will ever be the same again.
about: the reader’s parents get divorced, she visits her abusive dad with her boyfriend Kylo and things get out of hand.
warnings: swearing, violence, abusive father, physical abuse, childhood trauma, mention of death and murder, Kylo being incredibly overprotective and angry.
Y/F/N = your father’s name.
A/N: this is the first Kylo fic I’ve written and I can’t lie - I’ve enjoyed it despite being incredibly nervous. I should be asleep or doing uni work but here we are. Feedback is appreciated… it’s been a while since I’ve written anything and I feel a bit rusty. Please reblog to support.
You were in the middle of planting sunflowers with Kylo when the house phone rang, it rarely went off so you pulled off your gardening gloves and hurried over.
“Want me to get it?” Kylo asked casually.
You shook your head, “I’m all good babe.”
Walking into the kitchen, you stared at the shiny black phone, its long spiral cord trailing below.
What if someone has died? What if Kylo’s uncle found our number?
Biting the bullet and chewing on your lip, you reached out to the phone, pulling it away from its seat on the wall.
“Hello?” You answered, clutching the phone tightly, twirling your fingers through those long spirals.
“Hi Y/N, it’s mum.”
Her voice made you feel as if you had been pushed down the stairs.
Your mother never called you - instead she always showed up to your house unannounced once in a blue moon - you and Kylo always made sure your doors were locked after an embarrassing close call.
It wasn’t like you were close with her or your dad, both of them had a turbulent marriage that left you scarred and troubled from a child to a young adult.
You felt better being away from them, creating your own life and future with your boyfriend who had issues of his own with his father and uncle.
“I haven’t heard from you in a while,” you replied, turning around and watching Kylo through the kitchen window, his beautiful locks sticking to his sweaty face.
Kylo focused on the tall sunflowers, trying hard not to get soil everywhere else but the tarp.
“I’m not sure if your father told you…” your mum paused for a moment “but we’ve filed for a divorce… he’s moving into his flat this weekend.”
Kylo looked up at you with a big smile on his face - his red gardening gloves hugging his big hands, you tried your best to smile back enthusiastically.
Truth be told, you were relieved at the news - you were glad it wasn’t Luke calling or Han bringing news of Leia dying.
There were moments in your childhood when you got on your hands and knees praying for your parents to split up, move on without dragging you in the middle of it and forcing you to pick a side.
“Are you happy?” you asked, ignoring your mother blathering on about the documents.
“I am…” she sighed “but your dad isn’t, and he’s going to need some help moving in.”
The fake enthusiastic smile on your face dropped.
“Dad’s asked me to pick him up from the mini centre,” you sighed, picking up your car keys.
Kylo started shaking his head and put down his cup of coffee, “I’ll get him,”
You walked over to the door, your hand barely brushing against the handle “It’s fine, his car will be there for a couple of hours and he said he wanted to go to town until the MOT is finished.”
Kylo took long strides towards you, his scar highlighted by the sun beaming through the window “please don’t, I don’t want you to be alone with him.”
You frowned “you can trust him, Kylo. He’s not as bad as he was-”
“I don’t care.” he replied, pulling the keys from your hand “stay here.”
Your dad would fly into fits of rage when he wasn’t happy. He would yell, smash things, punch the walls, and hurt you - when Kylo first met you he caught sight of the trail of bruises down your arms, back, and legs. You never told him it was your dad, but after a few months of dating and coming up with awful excuses, he didn’t need to hear the truth.
“He’s been hurting you again, hasn’t he?” Kylo glared, his eyes burning into your bruises.
You yanked down your sleeve and tried to push his hands off you “I told you I fell-”
“You’ve told me that before, Y/N. When will this stop? When will you stop defending him? He can’t get away with this!”
“Are you there?” your mother called down the phone.
You scrunched your eyes shut, using your other hand to tuck your stray hairs behind your ear “yeah, it’s just… I can’t help him, me and Kylo are away that weekend.”
Kylo stopped planting and stared at you, already clenching his jaw at the sight of you in distress.
He stood up and pulled off his gloves, throwing them onto the large crumpled blue tarp and walked over to the open kitchen door, he leaned against it, listening in.
“because I can’t, mum! He should have hired a service to help him with that shit!” You huffed.
Kylo stared at you, he could practically smell the fear radiating off your skin that was already forming beads of sweat.
“You’ve never done anything to help out after you left home!” your mother hissed, “All you do is hide away with that controlling, strange boyfriend of yours!”
Even though your mother never punched walls or left you with bruises, she knew how to guilt-trip you and make you feel like shit for wanting to live a happy life without her and your dad dragging you down.
“Give me the phone, sweetheart,” Kylo called out softly, holding out his hand as he walked into the kitchen.
“Fine!” you snapped “I’ll fucking help him, then! Tell him to have his shit sorted by ten!”
Slamming the phone back on the wall you started to cry, collapsing onto your knees, the cold black and red tiles cooling your skin.
Kylo swallowed hard and got on his knees too so he could be beside you, he pulled you into his arms and stroked your hair with his hand, the other wrapped across your front.
“What happened?” he asked, planting a soft kiss on your head “I know your dad is involved.”
Whenever the phone did go off, he had always secretly wished he would hear news of how your father had been arrested or had suddenly passed away - he knew it was a fucked up thing to daydream about, but Kylo had spent many nights lying awake, unable to sleep at the thought of your father inflicting pain on you. He couldn’t bear it.
Taking a deep breath, you pulled your face away from Kylo’s warmth and looked into his deep concerned eyes. His hand rested against your face, his gentle fingers wiping away your tears.
“Mum and dad got a divorce,” you finally replied.
“Surely that’s a good thing-”
You cut him off “But I have to fucking help dad move into his flat on Saturday and he’s already pissed about the whole thing.”
Kylo’s eyebrows knitted together and he clenched his jaw, already needing to swallow again as the lump in his throat doubled in size.
“I’m going. You’re staying here, whether you like it or not.”
Your voice started to crack “He’s expecting me to be there, if you turn up without me you know what he’ll do to you.”
Kylo had to force himself to keep his mouth shut, he wanted to tell you how he felt, what kept him awake at night, the hopes he had every time that stupid little phone would ring. He wanted you to know exactly what your father made him dream about - the sound of your screams.
You were right though, there was no way Kylo could be in the presence of your dad without you, Kylo would have nothing to stop him from taking your fathers head off; The last time he was alone with him, you didn’t hear the end of it from your mother, screaming at your down the phone so loud you were in pain.
Kylo waited in your car for your father, parked across the road from the mini centre he stared out the window, noticing the tall and muscular old man come hobbling out of the door, looking left and right before coming over.
Upon seeing Kylo in the window, your father cursed under his breath, shaking his head and getting in the car.
“What are you doing picking me up?” he snapped, slamming the door.
Kylo sighed “Y/N wanted to stay at home, Y/F/N. She’s not feeling very well.” he lied.
Y/F/N scoffed and started shaking his head again “You’re bloody useless you are, aren’t you? My daughter is ill and you’re not taking care of her!”
Kylo wished he came up with a better excuse but it was too late, the entire drive to town was nothing but complaints, swearing, and insults; Kylo’s hands gripped the steering wheel tight - every now and then, wishing it was Y/F/N’s throat.
When arriving home, Kylo wouldn’t tell you how awful your father spoke to him, how close he was to crashing the car on the passenger side and making it out as if it was an accident or another drivers fault.
The phone started to ring and Kylo eyed it immediately - you caught his glance and went to answer, thinking of Han and Leia.
“Y/N, don’t-”
“I don’t want mum screaming at me again either, she acted as if I was the devil after you picked dad up that day. He walked back to the mini centre to get his car and didn’t speak to me for months.”
Your boyfriend didn’t want to admit it, but you were right. If someone had to help your father, it had to be you either on your own or with someone else by your side, as much as Kylo hated this - part of him knew that he could be there to protect you if Y/F/N were to lash out and scold you.
-
“Are you sure you want to do this?” You asked Kylo, pulling up outside your childhood home, the massive ‘FOR SALE’ sign glaring at you.
Kylo stared at the window of the front room, Y/F/N happened to be already standing behind the glass, staring back at him.
“Yes I am,” he replied, unclipping his seat belt and opening the car door.
Y/F/N grumbled at the sight of your boyfriend walking towards the front door, he wanted nothing more than to belt him and leave another scar on the other side of his face - Kylo had taken his daughter away and placed her in a castle far away from home where she could be free and do whatever she wanted.
You opened the boot and made enough room for the many boxes and bags you assumed your father had filled.
Upon entering the house full of sickening and unhappy memories, the boxes were empty and all of your father’s belongings were scattered around the house like trash.
CD cases were cracked, magazines and books had their pages crumpled and ripped out, family pictures were discarded and their frames were smashed.
Kylo’s eyes traced over the mess and up to your father’s eyes, he had done this on purpose.
“Why weren’t you ready, dad?” you asked, trying to sound polite “You knew we would be here for ten o'clock.”
Y/F/N continued to stare at Kylo, “why did you bring this punk with you?”
Kylo’s teeth clamped down on the inside of his cheeks, his heart pumping in his chest so hard he could hear each beat through his ears.
Stand your ground. Don’t let him walk all over you.
“I asked him to join me as I thought we’d need an extra hand and from the look of things, it seems I’m right.”
Now your father’s cold stare moved from Kylo and leapt onto you, his anger pulsating and tearing into your soul, sucking the life out of you.
“Talking back to me, are you?” he spat, inching closer, kicking aside the CDs.
Stand tall. Don’t back down. Don’t be afraid. Claim back this space, don’t let this house and its memories plague you.
“I’m not talking back,” you shot “I’m simply explaining why I asked my boyfriend to help out since you can’t do fuck all on your own.”
The house suddenly became still and quiet - too quiet even.
Your father’s eyes widened and he raised his hand fast, striking you across the face.
You were stunned and instantly felt defeated, your eyes pooled with tears which made your vision glassy, and your cheek felt like someone had sliced it open to pour salt into the wound, your left ear started to ring.
The room couldn’t stop spinning, you felt like you could fall backwards at any minute. Part of you questioned if this was real at all - you and Kylo having a place of your own, or were you that unhappy you had created all of this in your mind as a child because that was the only way you could escape?
Kylo pinned your father against the stained duck-egg blue wallpaper, the mantlepiece stood tall and the cloudy glass vase that held the wilted and cowardly roses shook as your father collided with the wall.
“Don’t you ever fucking touch her again!” Kylo yelled angrily, his lips wet from his words and spit.
Forcing yourself to blink away the tears, you stumbled over to Kylo and gripped onto his tensed arm “Kylo, stop!” you begged, afraid of your father hurting him.
Kylo continued to yell, his fingernails clawing into Y/F/N.
Do it. You know what you need to do. He’s no father.
“Let go, Kylo!” you sobbed, pulling and pulling at his arm.
Kylo couldn’t remember letting go of your father, he couldn’t remember leaving the house or getting in the car and driving home.
Sitting down at your round kitchen table, he tended to your red and bruised cheek in a daze, his arms no longer tense but his touch now gentle and caring.
It occurred to him that he had possibly scared you and he realised that he couldn’t hide his feelings anymore, he was being torn apart and enduring it in silence for much longer would kill him.
I want to be free of this pain.
“I’m sorry,” he broke down, forcing himself to look into your tired eyes.
“It’s okay, you didn’t know what you were doing-”
Kylo shook his head, his hands were trembling “But I did,” he revealed, “I have been waiting for this day for a long time.”
You stared at him, not knowing what he meant, his beautiful full lips started to quiver.
“Baby, I don’t understand..”
“All your father has done is abuse you, emotionally and physically. I’ve seen the bruises, I’ve heard you crying and pleading on that stupid phone.”
You started to cry again, your tears running over the angry handprint.
“I hate him, I’ve been awake for many nights because every time I fall asleep I can hear your screams as he beats you, he might leave you bruised but he’s weak and foolish, and I’ve relished every single thought I’ve ever had about destroying him.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, you were truly terrified of Y/F/N at times but the thought of your boyfriend killing him made you feel sick - but you were tolerating your father when most would’ve reported him and had him face the consequences of his actions.
“Kylo, you can’t say things like that, you can’t-”
“We’re being torn apart - you deserve to be free from this pain and I do too, everything he does to you.. it kills me inside.. and today…” he cried harder “I knew what I had to do but I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it.”
You leaned over the small round table and cupped Kylo’s face in your hands, his tears running down his face whilst yours jumped from your chin. You stroked his hair and tried to calm him, but he cried and cried and cried, his wails feeling like a thousand cuts all over your body.
This was how he felt when Y/F/N was hitting me. This is how he felt every single time I walked out of the damn door and drove to that damn house.
“Will you help me?” you whispered, your throat too tight to speak.
He nodded “yes, anything.”
You looked over at the phone and back at Kylo “We need to leave all of this behind whilst we still can.”
Your hand rested on his face, your thumb tracing his scar.
I whispered, placing my handwritten letter on Enoka’s Bed. I’d known that I wouldn’t be able to stay forever, but actually leaving now did hurt a lot nonetheless. Both Noka and the kids had grown close to me, grown to be my friends, but I had to leave since I’d cause them nothing but trouble from this point on. Getting up I felt a sudden pain in my shoulder that I still hadn’t gotten used to. ‘Ouch!’ I hissed into the silence of the hut before slamming my hand over my mouth to cover it. I couldn’t make too much noise, maybe they’d hear me… My shoulder still hurt a lot, but Noka had done an amazing job at cleaning and bandaging it.
After I’d fainted after gotten shot in the shoulder, she’d been able to hide us in a small, unsuspicious cave a few thousand miles away from Tuanul. She told me they’d heard the Trooper’s squadrons searching for them for hours until they’d finally given up and left. It was only a few hours after that I’d woken up and flown them to the nearest village. Fortunately, the generous villagers had been able to provide a place for them to stay and even celebrated their survival and arrival in a huge way, almost as if they’d actually defeated Ren themselves.
Ren. Kylo Ren himself and my old Captain Phasma. They’d seen me, they’d clearly seen me and what I’d done, they’d searched for us for hours, they probably knew more about my powers than I did. Phasma also probably recognized me. It had been so incredibly weird seeing her again after all this time. After everything that happened just before I left the Star Destroyer, I never thought I’d see anyone of them again, not even who I’d previously considered one of my closest friends. She must’ve recognized me, she had seen me without my armor several times, we’d spent a lot of time together back in the day. If she’d told Ren who I was, would they be searching for me? Would they come back just to kill a traitor? Probably not, they wouldn’t think I’d be stupid enough to stay on the planet after that incident with the laser. Everything had happened 2 days ago, but it still felt as if it had just happened.
My hand jolting forward, my head turned away, expecting to hear Lily’s screams of agony. But there had been nothing but silence.
I had stopped the beam. How had I managed to do that? I looked at my hands in confusion again, but nothing was different, they were the same as before. Faint cheering made me snap back into reality: I had to leave. The villagers and the others were outside, celebrating, and I would use the distraction to leave without making a scene. I wasn’t any good at emotional goodbyes, so I preferred the easy way: letters. I’d just written a few lines about how I’d miss them and how I wished them the best for the future. It was the truth, but I was glad I didn’t have to say it out loud because saying goodbye to the only friends I’d made in a long time would probably make me cry.
I grabbed my bag, swung it over my shoulder and was just about to leave through the curtain, as someone bumped into me. Little 6-year-old Lily stood before me, brushing her hair out of her eyes. 'Hey Z, why aren’t you celebrating with us? You saved our lives!’ Shit. Time to make up an excuse. 'Oh, I’m just not feeling well, you know, my shoulder and stuff -’ Her eyes scanned my body, my clothes and the bag on my side.
'You’re leaving, aren’t you?’ What? No, no, no, she’s not supposed to know yet. 'No, how… why would -’ 'I knew you’d leave soon… You don’t have to lie to me, I won’t tell anyone until you’re gone…’ She looked at me through her ginger fringe and I could see her eyes glisten in the darkness. 'Listen, I don’t want to endanger you even more, they’ll be looking for me and I don’t want them to find you, Oz and your mother. I’ll leave and you guys will be safe.’ She looked down at her feet and dragged them over the dirty floor in lazy little circles. 'Do you understand? I’m doing this for you guys.’ 'I understand…’ she mumbled. 'I’ll miss you, Z.’ she said a bit louder than before, looking up at me again while some lonely tears were running down her cheek. I crouched down and pulled her into a hug. 'Oh, I’ll miss you too, so much.’ My eyes were tearing up, but I didn’t want her to see me cry as well, so I kept hugging her. 'Will you ever come back?’ I hesitated but decided to tell her the truth. 'I don’t know, I honestly don’t. Maybe one day, but I don’t want you to keep your hopes up. You guys will get through this without me, alright?’ Lily pulled back and looked back outside through the curtain, up into the night sky. I knew what she meant. 'They won’t come back, I promise. And if they do, I’ll come and save you.’ What was I saying? This wasn’t a promise I could keep, there was no way I could ever be sure. If the ships were to come back and attack this planet again, there would not even be a way of me knowing about it. 'Promise?’ But I knew I had to say it anyway. 'I promise. Now go back celebrate!’ 'But-’ 'No 'But’, come on, Lily!’ I hugged her again, took her hand and lead her outside. A few hundred meters away I could see the people dancing next to a giant campfire. 'I have to leave now. Please don’t be mad at me, okay?’ Lily looked at me with tears in her eyes and made my eyes water again too. 'I won’t. I hope you’ll be alright, Z. I’ll miss you a lot.’ 'I’ll miss you too, sweetheart. Now go, before they start to worry about you.’ She turned around and slowly made her way back to the campfire. I looked after her lost in thought, just to see her turning around once more, waving at me with a sad smile on her face. I waved back and finally turned around, walking to my ship.
Aurora had been mildly damaged in the shooting in Tuanul, but it had just taken me a few hours to fix her again. Getting back into her, I immediately got the feeling of coming home. This ship had been my home for years and I had to admit I missed being so independent while staying at one place for so long. I closed the door behind me and let my fingers run over the consoles before pushing several buttons to start the engine. Hopefully, no one would hear this over the sound of their loud music, but even if they did it would be too late - I’d already be gone. I sat down and flipped the final switch before grabbing the steering wheel, and we were off. I was soaring through the sky, higher and higher into the atmosphere to finally be surrounded by the faint light of stars and the dark blue freedom that was space. This was going to be fun.
'Commander, they managed to escape in an old TIE-Fighter, but one of my troopers shot the green-haired girl before they did so.’ 'Is she dead?’ 'We can’t know for sure, Ren.’ Troopers were swarming around them, killing the remaining villagers and taking everything with them, that seemed to have any value. 'Where would they have gotten a TIE that belonged to the First Order, Captain?’ Ren asked, his voice deeper than usual. 'I suspect you did not recognize her. I did. Her name is Zara Tanoor, FN-3458, she used to be one of my soldiers a few years ago.’ Phasma said, her voice full of certainty. 'She is a traitor?’ 'She left under mysterious circumstances, most of us, including me, thought she was dead.’ Phasma’s voice trembled a bit, just enough so Ren noticed it.
He stood there, in the middle of the moving crowd, only several meters from where he had killed Tekka, several meters away from where the traitor-girl had used the force so expertly just a few minutes ago to save the child. 'Impressive…’ he mumbled, turning back around, leaving the Planet Jakku behind them.
I mumbled to myself as I hid behind a smaller dune right next to their ships where nobody would be able to see me, but it was true, there were way too many. They outnumbered the small number of inhabitants this tiny village had. Stormtroopers were still running out of their squadrons, there had to be at least 100 of them, shooting at everything and everyone. I could hear the mechanically distorted radio commands, but I couldn’t understand anything. What was I supposed to do? How could I save Enoka before they got to her and the children?
Red lasers lit up the blue night sky, sparks ignited their little huts, houses and tents, crates and other things started to explode and Troopers with flamethrowers were setting everything else on fire to encourage the residents to leave the burning remains of their homes. I panicked and looked for Enoka and the kids, but I couldn’t find her, I couldn’t find anything but white shiny armour and red lasers in the darkness, nothing but pain and death. But there was something else.
There was a man in the middle of all of this. He seemed old, short white hair covered the top of his head and face and his dark brown, long coat fluttered behind him while he walked through this mess. The scenario seemed so surreal, he just aimlessly wandered through them and for a short amount of time it almost seemed like they didn’t even see him. I was distracted when suddenly blue lasers began shooting back at them from the darkness and some stormtroopers started to fall.
Someone was attacking them back! There was hope for me, this was a good distraction to be able to run over to Enoka’s hut and save them, nobody would see me. I grabbed the gun from my left leg and reloaded. When I was just about to run, I heard something else. Something loud from above. A wind got up and from the grey fog that surrounded the village and the sky emerged a huge black impressive ship. ‘Holy fucking shit.# I mumbled. This was a black Upsilon-class command shuttle, I remembered these things too from back in the day. The wind got up even more when the shuttle began folding its wings upward to achieve the form of a huge TIE-fighter and landed with a loud crash.
The ramp started opening and I took the chance to run and hide right underneath of the half-see-through metal right before four stormtroopers lined the sides of it to guard whoever was going get off of this ship. There were some more loud hissing sounds and then suddenly I could feel that someone was walking right above me, making their way down the ramp. I couldn’t see much more than a black cloak, but when I looked past them I could see that the remaining villagers were being captured and placed next to each other right next to their squadrons to my left, but I still couldn’t see Enoka anywhere. Had she been able to hide from them? The black figure marched down and walked towards the old man that had now been captured by two troopers. They roughly brought him towards the black figure, forcing him to stand right in front of him when he stopped. Should I do something? Should I intervene? How? I couldn’t possibly win against this mass of enemies, it would be suicide to try and help the man, who was after all still a stranger to me.
The troopers that were holding the man let go of him and stepped back, leaving the man facing the black figure alone. ‘Look how old you’ve become.’ The black figure’s voice was deep and metallic, he was probably wearing a helmet that was distorting his voice. ‘Something far worse has happened to you.’ The old man didn’t seem scared, his voice was strong and low. ‘You know what I’ve come for.’ What was this all about? I let my eyes wander over the crowd, the village and the surrounding dunes again. Where was Enoka? ‘I know where you come from. Before you called yourself ‘Kylo Ren’.’ Kylo Ren?! My eyes snapped back to the cloaked man. Not only had I seen this man before, he wasn’t just any regular captain or anything. Kylo Ren was the commander of the First Order! I remembered him from a speech that he had held a long time ago before we invaded some planet, I couldn’t fully remember. Where he came from before he called himself Kylo Ren, what was this guy talking about?
‘The map to Skywalker. We know you’ve found it.’ Ren started circling the old man and now I recognised his signature silver and black mask, the dark uniform and coat. ‘And now you’re going to give it to the First Order.’ The old man still didn’t seem intimidated. ‘The First Order rose from the Dark Side. You did not.’ WHAT? I was even more confused than before, this didn’t make sense at all! Ren served Supreme Leader Snoke as we all did. He, General Hux and my old Captain, Captain Phasma were the general leaders of the First Order, and as far as I’d known, Ren had always been on this side. ‘I’ll show you the Dark Side.’ Ren circling the old man and now stood right in front of him. ‘You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.’ Ren hesitated and leaned in a bit closer, still talking loud enough so that everyone could hear him. ‘You’re so right.’ From one moment to the other he had drawn and ignited his huge red crossguard-lightsaber, dramatically held it up high above his head and then quickly swung it down to decapitate the man.
I was in shock as I saw the blood of the supposedly innocent man splatter on the yellow sand, but it didn’t last long when suddenly another blue laser emerged from the darkness behind Ren and the troopers aimed directly at Ren himself, but he turned around and stopped the beam in mid-air and the Stormtroopers caught the guy that had tried to shoot him. The force. I’d never seen someone use it myself, I’d only heard or read about it. As I gazed in amazement I, all of a sudden, felt someone else walk down the ramp I was hidden under. I instinctively ducked down to hide from whoever was exiting the ship, but I was once again struck with flashbacks as I recognised the shiny silver armour and the long legs. Captain Phasma walked down the ramp and approached Ren. I hadn’t seen her in so long, there used to be times in which we knew each other, we fought together and I had almost made it to the same level that she was. Some would’ve even considered us to be some sort of 'friends’ since I’d been one of the few people that had seen her without her mask on. She probably thought of me as a traitor too if she even remembered me nowadays.
I shook my head in embarrassment and turned it to the left, where I saw Oswald sticking his head out from behind a smaller dune that was located just behind the captured villagers. I immediately snuck out behind the troopers’ backs and ran towards it. A look over my shoulder showed me, that the young gunman had been brought up to Ren, kicked to his knees and Ren had crouched down and was saying something to him. He was probably going to kill this guy too. I continued running and looked back once more just before I arrived at the dune. The guy had been dragged to his feet again and Ren was towering over him.
‘Sir, the villagers.’ Phasma came up right behind Ren. ’Kill them all.’ I reached the dune and ducked behind it, immediately seeing Oswald, but I couldn’t see Enoka or Lily anywhere. ‘On my command: 5…’ ‘Zara, oh my god you’re alive!’ Oswald ran towards me to hug me and I turned my head back towards the crowd. ‘Oz, where are your mom and your sister?’ ‘4..3..’ My eyes scanned the crowd again and all of a sudden I recognised Lily’s red hair and saw Enoka standing behind her. ‘The-they’re there!’ ‘Listen. I’m going to go get them, you run back to my ship, you know how to get it started, I’ll be there in no time, we’re going to get out of here!’ I didn’t wait for his response, my mind blacked out completely and I started running towards the back of the crowd hidden behind the troopers and the people so the attackers couldn’t see me. ‘STOP!’ I suddenly heard the loud scream of the young girl in the crowd. I reached the left side of the crowd and saw that Lily had stepped forward and was now standing only metres away from Ren, Phasma and the other man, out in the open. ‘DON’T KILL US, PLEASE!’ she desperately screamed. Phasma stopped counting down and everybody looked at the little girl. ‘PLEASE DON’T!’ I saw Phasma hesitate for a second and then lifting her gun, pointing it at Lily. I was just about 2 metres away from them when I heard her gun fire.
‘NOOOO!’ I screamed as loud as I could, reaching out to Lily as I heard the laser shoot through the air. Then, abruptly, everything froze. The dark red laser stopped in mid-air, and I heard nothing but my own scream. What? Lily struggled when I shoved her behind me and I quickly glanced at the crowd of people behind me that were all staring at me in disbelief before I turned back around. Phasma, Ren and all the Troopers, everyone was staring at me. My tears were blurring my vision and my green hair was falling into my eyes, but as I looked at Ren and Phasma I noticed that my right hand was still up in the air, holding the laser in place. I was doing this. There was no more time to react, I quickly turned my hand and shot the laser straight back in the direction it had come from, turned around and pushed the troopers behind us back to let them soar through the air and land several metres away from us in the sand.
We used the stirred up sand and the confusion to grab Lily and Enoka and quickly maneuver us through the fleeing crowd, running back towards the house and my ship. I had done that. Me. We heard several shots behind us that were meant to hit us, and then a lot more that weren’t. The villagers, we could hear their screams of pain. ‘I’m sorry that we couldn’t save all of them, guys, there was no way…’ I stated as we reached the house while tears were streaming down my face. ‘I’m so sorry.’ They didn’t react, they were probably both in shock, and I simply shoved them behind the house and into Aurora where his Oswald was busy starting the engine. I saw some troopers running up behind us, slammed the door shut behind me and took over the starting process while the reunited family hugged and kissed.
Flipping several switches and pressing buttons I managed to finally get the engine to start and was just about to head off when something hit the back of my ship that sent sparks flying through the entire room. ‘They’re shooting at us!’ I shouted and shoved Enoka towards the steering wheel. ‘You steer and I’ll fix it, I trust you!’ She took over immediately and I ran back to inspect the damage the Troopers had made on the back of my ship. As Aurora rose and sped up forwards I saw the small hole in the back wall of my ship and dropped to my knees to fix it. Looking through, I could see two troopers behind the ship, gun in hand, and then, without warning, one of the troopers shot at us again.
Suddenly, it was like everything was happening in slow motion. I pushed the kids out of the way towards their mother and tried to dodge the laser myself but it was too late. The last thing I remember was an excruciating pain in my left shoulder and then everything went black.
The nice waiter with the brown, slicked-back hair leaned down and gave my face a closer look. I immediately lifted my hand to my nose as I felt the thick red liquid running down my lip. ‘Oh I’m sorry, I’ve been having lots of nosebleeds lately, must be this planet.’ Quickly, I grabbed my napkin and brought it up to the blood on my lip. ‘You know, I’ve never been here before, it’s so hot and the air is really dry, I guess my nose just isn’t used to that.’
I gave the waiter a shy smile and he smiled back while offering me another napkin with one of his many hands. ‘Well if I can do anything else to help you out feel free to call me over, here’s your order. Enjoy your meal!’ He placed the plate and the bread basket in front of me, gave me another smile and left.
Feeling embarrassed I kept pressing the napkin to my face and slid closer to the window next to me. Out there were the sandy wastelands of Jakku, an isolated desert planet within the Western Reaches of the galaxy’s inner rim, that I had found myself stranded on after my TIE-Fighter broke down. I had been here for a little over a week now, scavenging old shipwrecks that were leftover from the Battle of Jakku which had ended over 29 years ago. Yesterday I had been able to find old but working parts of a broken TIE-Fighter that crashed all those years ago and took some parts that might help me fix Aurora, my good old ship that I had escaped the Star Destroyer in a few years back. Being in that old wrecked version of my ship had been weird, just like seeing all of those First Order-Emblems scattered around almost every single wreck on this planet kept bringing up memories, the good and the bad ones. I had to admit, I missed being a stormtrooper, I missed being part of a group and part of something bigger, of a unit that held together, no matter what, but it also felt incredibly good to be free and independent, and to be able to do whatever I wanted to. I was lonely, sure, but I wasn’t forced to decide between killing and being killed on a daily basis, life as a fairly neutral scavenger was way easier and nicer.
But the loneliness got to me. I had gotten used to being alone after I had run away from home at age 6, because my dad had raped me several times back when I was 4 and 5, and my mom blamed me for ruining their marriage this way. One day I hadn’t been able to take it anymore and I just left. I had gone to my friend Kate’s house… Just mentioning her name in my mind brought a significant amount of pain to my chest. I had stayed there for a few days and had planned on leaving soon when we both got taken away by the First Order’s Stormtrooper Program. Both our memories were erased that day, but mine came back the day that Greg and Kate died. Kate and I grew up together, I went to be a stormtrooper and she went to be a technician on board the same ship when they’d found out she was no good at fighting.
To my right, I could see the little desert village of Tuanul where I had been living since I got here. When Aurora broke down it had been Enoka who found me and offered me to stay with her and her children Lily and Oswald. At first, I obviously declined, but it was also quite obvious that I wouldn’t be able to sleep in my ship for the amount of time that the repairs would take, so in the end, I stayed with Enoka, who was the only friend I’d had in a long time. Her husband had died a few years ago, so she was raising her kids alone in the middle of this little spiritual village, and they were the nicest people I had met in a very long time. But I knew that I had to leave as soon as possible, and I knew I wouldn’t come back, and I would never see them again.
I let my eyes wander over the desert and its dunes, the wrecks in the distance and the bright blue sky. Maybe it was meant to be this way, maybe I was better off alone, keeping my distance from others after everything that happened to Greg and Kate 2 years ago. My eyes lingered over the very distant but still very prominent starship graveyard far off in the distance, and I let my mind wander off further while I started eating my food. I still had no idea what happened that day, I knew he was trying to rape me and I was only trying to defend myself, but the things that went down that day were still a complete mystery to me. How could the knife have been on the ground completely out of my reach in one moment and then in my hand right in the next one? Why did Greg die, what exactly happened, how did it happen, why did it have to happen, why did Kate have to intervene? What did the others think when they found them? Did they think I was dead too or maybe even captured by someone else and held captive somewhere on a distant planet? Did they think I brutally murdered him and fled? What did George think, what did Phasma think? They probably just thought I was a traitor for leaving. Traitor. Traitor.Traitor.
A few days later I had been working on Aurora so much that I was almost done. I had used parts of old TIE’s and X-wings and many different other smaller ships to build something that wasn’t even really resembling my old TIE anymore, it was more like an amalgamation of very different parts from very different origins, but I sensed that I would be able to leave soon. So one late afternoon I decided to take one last trip through the wrecks that this planet had to offer and I went to visit the “Graveyard of Giants” as the locals seemed to call it to stroll through some of the huge starships that had crashed on the planet. Something that specifically caught my eye was a huge ship with the Resistance’s emblem on it that had crashed into a smaller version of a Star Destroyer. It looked like one of the earthquakes that Jakku had had to suffer from recently had cleared up a lot of sand around the entrance of the bigger ship, so it wasn’t that hard for me to enter the old unstable wreck that had obviously been here for a long time. Looking around with my flashlight I noticed that it didn’t seem like anyone had been in here for a while, but the interior was still kind of intact. If it hadn’t been for the sand and dust that covered almost everything, the ship would almost seem to be in a working state. I let my hand hover above some of the broken consoles and cracked monitors, raising up the dust that had stayed after the earthquake. A few years ago, these specific computers and machines had been something that I could see every day, the Star Destroyer had been filled to the brim with the newest technical inventions and revolutionary and innovative designs, from the place we slept to the weapons we fought with, everything had been of the highest standard possible.
Climbing through a broken door I entered a wide, long corridor that I presumed led to the sleeping quarters of this starship, but especially in this corridor, it was quite obvious that another ship had crashed into this one. The whole right side of the corridor was ripped open and I could see the left wing of the other ship. The rest of the wall was riddled with cracks and a few missing pieces of wall, everything was covered in sand, and I could barely make my way through to the other end of the hallway. The door here would not open for me as easily as the last one did, so I had to pry it open, using some tools I’d brought with me. It took me a while and I even considered just leaving, wondering if the place where the crew had slept would really give me something worth my time, but then the door gave in and did indeed reveal the sight of another corridor with a lot of doors on either side, suggesting that these were actually the sleeping quarters. I looked back into the broken down corridor one last time, I could see the beautiful red sunset over the cold desert, creating shadows behind the huge dunes and little villages far off in the distance. Strolling through this next corridor there wasn’t much to see, just a few old dusty beds with nothing in it. Stormtroopers weren’t really allowed anything personal in these rooms during a mission, so the most personal thing I found was an old book about something boring and an insignificant handwritten letter that was hidden underneath a blanket.. or so I thought. Reading the letter revealed, that the writer had been a spy for the Resistance that had been in contact with someone referred to as ‘Organa’. They talked about how they’d found a really destructive weapon on a mission without understanding its significance and had been able to hide it from their captain and fellow troopers inside their room. I immediately looked up and scanned the room for the hidden weapon. Would it still be here? There was nothing but the bunk beds and a huge hole in the wall and the ceiling which revealed the blue night sky; it was getting late. ‘I don’t understand how it works, it either is broken or it doesn’t respond to me, but I know this is important. I sense some darkness inside it, but it isn’t strong enough to take hold of me, I’ll defend it with my life if need be. I hope th-’ The letter ended there, the trooper probably didn’t have enough time to finish it before their ship attacked Jakku and most of them died in the horrible battle. I spend a moment wondering if maybe there was a chance that this particular person survived, but even if that’d been the case they’d probably be dead by now. Traitors and spies usually got caught and paid for their treachery with their lives.
I crouched down next to the bed that I’d found the letter on, scanning first the mattress and the bed frame and then the floor and the surrounding walls. Where would someone hide something that held this much meaning to them? I sat down on the floor next to the bed and fumbled underneath it for something, just some clue to tell me if I had any chance of finding this weirdly important weapon. What would it be if I found it? I wondered if it was a gun like mine or maybe the ones we had back at the First Order, but what would possibly make it so special? Maybe something like- and then suddenly my fingers hit something. I felt something tiny that was barged in between the floor tiles, and as I pushed it I felt the tile that was located under the bed lift up. Using my multi-tool I was able to remove the tile and push my hand into the hollow space below when my flashlight went out. Cursing, I gently felt around until my hand brushed against something cold. I flinched and grabbed the thing. It was cold and made of metal, maybe 15 inches long in a cylindrical shape with a curved end. What was this? I pulled it out of its hole and tried to look at it, but it was too dark to see anything anymore without my light, so I just opened my bag to put it inside when suddenly a quake shook the earth and sand started to trickle down through the cracks on the ceiling. Really, another earthquake? To be on a broken ship like this would be way too dangerous if something collapsed and hit me it would be my certain death.
I threw the thing in my bag and ran back outside the way I came, breathing in the cold air as I exited the ship and hurried back to the village in which I had left Aurora. I was worried about Enoka and the kids, I didn’t know if they were used to dealing with earthquakes since their hut was poorly made and could collapse any minute during something like this. When I hit the top of the last dune that I had to cross to get back to Tuanul I stopped dead in my tracks. This wasn’t an earthquake. I looked directly at four First Order squadrons that were landing right next to Tuanul, two of them had already done so and two others were still approaching. The squadron’s doors opened and I could see probably about a hundred stormtroopers in there. ‘I have to get to Noka.’ I thought and quickly but sneakily ran back to the village.
“Excuse me, are you implying what I think you’re implying?” The automatic door closed behind him as the strong, blonde man stepped closer without averting his gaze from me. “Oh stop pretending you don’t feel the same way. Look around, no one’s here to stop us.” His eyes darkened and he stepped even closer.
“Look Greg, I really think you misunderstood, I just wanted to go to bed and have some time to myself, this last mission has been really stressful for me and you persisted on walking me to my room - “ “Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re tiredornot in the mood, I hear that all the time from Kate, stop pretending you don’t want this!”
I started slowly backing away getting closer to the wall of my tiny room. ‘Please, Greg, just leave, go to Katie, she’s gonna be so glad to hear that you’re back and still alive, we’re Stormtroopers after all!’ ‘Oh shut up you stupid bitch! I don’t wanna hear any more of your stupid bullshit, you’ve been teasing me this whole trip and now you’d deny me? This whole trip, this whole fucking trip I’ve been wanting to fuck you, but Phasma was just always too close, that fucking rigorous bitch with the fucking rest of the First Order. But no one’s here now, is there?’ With that sentence he launched forward, grabbing my neck and pinning me to the wall. I immediately started struggling, but I was so weak from these weeks of constant fighting that I couldn’t do much but wiggle against his strong grip on my throat. ‘You’re mine now you stupid fucking slut! Stop resisting, just give in, you’ll like it, I promise.’ Greg started angrily licking and kissing my neck while I kept struggling. ‘Stop it! I don’t want this, Greg, please just leave!’ ‘I’ve been wanting this for so long, I deserve this, now STOP RESISTING!’
While his hands were freely roaming my body I started panicking, this was giving me so many flashbacks of that… that time that… My eyes scanned the room for some sort of weapon. On my desk there were just a few useless books and some papers, my bed was empty, my closet was just filled with clothes, on my nightstand was the old broken white helmet that I wore on a mission a while back, but I knew that I had a knife in the drawer somewhere! But how would I reach that, that was literally on the other side of the room… Then it hit me, and I was starting to get sick from the thought of how I would get there. ‘You fucking whore, you like it rough, huh?’ Greg grabbed my hair and forced his lips to meet mine, which almost made me throw up, but I had to, I had to do it, I had to… ‘Mhaha, I knew it.’ He laughed while I kissed him back, pressing back into him, crossing my ankles behind his back. ‘I thought you’d like a little foreplay.’ I seductively whispered into his ear and kissed down the crook of his neck while not trying to vomit, which made him moan loudly. ‘Now get me to bed, Mister Stairnyst.’ He immediately pulled me closer, completely lifting me away from the wall and carrying me to my bed, throwing me down onto it. Then he started fumbling with his clothes and I secretly snuck my hand into my bedside table’s drawer, frantically searching around for that knife. In my panic, I knocked the table over somehow and my old helmet fell off, hitting the floor with a loud crash.
‘What the fuck are you doing?!’ Greg grabbed my waist and I kicked him in the chest to pull myself from his grip to get to the knife that was now lying on the floor right next to my closet. ‘You fucking bitch!’ I fell on the floor and crawled towards my closet as fast as I could, but Greg caught my leg and turned me on my back. I kicked him again, this time only reaching his arm and then his leg, but I must’ve hit a wounded spot because groaned in pain and let go of me and I turned back to my closet, crawling further towards the knife, reaching out for it. When my fingers touched the cool metal I felt Greg grab my ankle, pulling me back, turning me around to lie on my back before pinning me to the ground, holding my right hand over my head while my other one was still trying to reach for the silver blade. ‘You’ll regret this, you’re my little slut, Zara, just my little slut!’
He ripped my shirt open to expose my black bra and started touching my body again. I desperately reached out for the knife, which was about 2 metres away from me, way out of my reach, but I couldn’t give up, I didn’t want this. ‘Please…’ I begged while focusing on the knife, ‘…please, please, please.’ ‘Oh I’m gonna make you beg, don’t you worry.’ I could feel his hands in my pants, then fumbling with my belt. ‘Please.’ I focused on the knife, I reached for it and suddenly, it slowly slid towards me, then almost flew into my hand.
I didn’t even hesitate a single moment, swinging the knife towards him, slicing the side of his right arm open. Blood gushed out through his skin and his black long-sleeved shirt and he suddenly gasped: ‘What the..?’ He rose to his knees and I sliced again, barely missing him, and again, but he hit the knife out of my hand, catapulting it under my bed, and grabbed my neck again. ‘You are in so much trouble, little girl!’ He threw me against the wall, pinning me there again, slapping me multiple times and choking me until my vision started to become blurry and dark. ‘Yeah, not that much of a troublemaker now, are you?’ I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh and tried to struggle, I just wanted to get out of this, out of here, I wanted nothing else. I freed my hand from his grip and pushed it against him, pushed him back as fast as I could, which surprisingly made him fly back right into my closet, through the doors and into the back wall.
I was shaking and I didn’t understand what was going on, but when he started moving and crawling out of it I rose my hand again, smashing him against the wall even though I was still standing on the other side of the room. He desperately put his hands around his throat as if something was choking him - as if I was choking him - while he slid higher. My hand was still reaching out to him, and I couldn’t stop doing what I was doing, my anger and my memories were consuming me and I couldn’t think straight. He struggled, his limbs started spasming out and his head turned red and then blue and suddenly: ‘STOP!’
I didn’t even really realize that there was a person standing in the doorway behind me that had just shouted that word at me and I had already instinctively thrown them against the nearest wall to turn back to Greg. He abruptly let out an agonizing scream and suddenly there was blood everywhere, it covered the walls and my bed and the closet and me and everything was red.
I didn’t understand, I let my hand sink down and saw his body go limp and his severed head fell down onto the bloody floor, rolling towards me. I screamed and stumbled backwards. ‘What the.. what the fuck?’ I fell back against my bed in shock when I heard another noise cut through the silence. ‘W–wh.’ I turned around and saw Kate lying on the floor, her back and neck were weirdly and unnaturally bent and her face was covered in blood and her short brown hair was sticking to it. I had thrown Kate against the wall so hard that I had broken her neck.
I crouched down and desperately took her hand, tears streaming down my face while she stared into my eyes. ‘Why..’ ‘I’m so sorry, oh my god I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t! Are you… He did, he tried, oh my god.’ My tears were blurring my vision and my heart was racing. ‘He tried to rape me, I was just, I was trying to defend myself, I..’ I stopped when she grabbed my hand, pressing it as hard as she could. ‘I am so sorry Kate, I am so sorry.’ Looking back into her eyes I could see everything: how betrayed she felt, and how scared she was of dying, and then all of a sudden I could see the life leave her body. I broke down when she let go of my hand and rested my face on her chest. ‘No, please, no!’ I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t stay here, I couldn’t keep fighting battles after this, I just killed two people! Storming back to my closet I grabbed my old helmet and the knife and ran to the door. ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want this to happen, I’m so sorry!’ I cried out and I let my watering eyes scan Kate’s and Greg’s lifeless bodies and his severed head one last time before I ran off through the long and cold corridors towards the escape pods.
