#marvel incorrect quotes
My Incorrect Universe #85
*At a Bar*
*Bartender watching Loki, Bucky and Stephen taking turns and using really bad pick up lines on me as I scoff at every one of them*
Bartender *to me*: are these men bothering you?
Me *sighing*: yes, yes they are. But they’re my husbands so i pretty much signed up for this.
–later–
Bucky *leaning on the counter ready with the 30th pick up line of the night as the other two lean behind him*: Hey are you an Avenger?Because I think we should assemble. Our place, tomorrow maybe?
Me *placing my gun on the counter without even glancing at them*: 10…….
Loki: Ten pm? Oh darling that’s really kin-
Strange: How about all nigh-
Me: 9……
Winterstrangefrost : OH FUCK I’M SORRY-
Me: *cocks gun*
Winterstrangefrost: *Runs through a portal Stephen created while screaming*
My Incorrect Universe #83
Thor: you look tired, brother….. why didn’t you get any sleep?
Loki, looking off into the distance: there’s no rest for the wicked and ambitious…..
Stephen, sipping coffee in the sidelines: he was actually up all night watching over our wife while she’s sleeping just to make sure she was safe considering she injured herself last misson
Me: seriously!? babe it’s literally a small bruise.
Loki,being backed up by Bucky: YOU MAY DIE
Tony: *sighs*
–later that night–
Me:……..
Me: boys I can’t sleep if you keep looking at me like that……
*que camera on* Loki and Bucky, standing menacingly in the darkest corner of the room with knives : tHeRe iS nO rEsT fOr tHe wIcKeD
*meanwhile*
Stephen, laughing evilly as he places spells on my room from outside: if anyone even tries to enter with I’ll intensions towards my wife they will burst into flames *cackles dramatically*
Rohdey who came out to drink water, staring at him horrified:…….
Rohdey ,silently praying for me: may lord help the woman
Amora: I AM THE ONE AND THE ONLY ENCHANTRESS *laughs dramatically*
*Loki and Sylvie from the distance*
Sylvie: Should we tell her?
Loki: Believe me there are less painful ways to die…
Natasha: this is a stealth mission, we need to be quite-
Clint:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAADJDJXJESIDSISISJEI
Loki: I want to change my pronouns as “Fuck Me”
Tony: I’m afraid to ask, but why?
Loki: So I can get your permission to fuck you every time you call me
Tony:…
Loki:…
Tony:…
Loki: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Loki:*breathe*
Thor:
Loki: Mama, just killed a man.
Put a gun against his head.
Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.
Mama, that dead man is me
Loki: look, I don’t care, where you from, what you believe or who you love, it’s okay to be anyone you want to be, I just hate everyone equally so it’s not personal
Jarvis: sir, I don’t think fighting is the best way to solve a problem
Friday: let me examine his fighting style first then we can get him boss
Karen: ACTIVATE INSTANT MOTHER FUCKING KILL
Steve: Sam you look exhausted, what happened?
Sam: Well I have a headache, it comes and goes
*Bucky walks in to the room*
Sam: oh, it’s back again
Loki: I’m gonna burn this place to the ground
*Frigga from Valhalla* :no
Loki: but moth-
Frigga:no
Peter Q: Hey kid, what’s your name.
Peter P: Oh, my name’s Peter.
Peter Q: No way, me too!
Peter P: So what’s your name?
Peter Q: …
Tony: For a kid so smart, you really are an idiot.
Loki: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful, and organized.
Vision: *accidentally steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Loki: That one. I want that one.
Vision: What are you doing here?
Loki: I could ask you the same question.
Vision: I live here. This is my house.
Loki: I should probably ask you a different question.
Loki: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Want to help me out?
Vision: … Have you never taken a shower before?
Vision: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant something like a conch shell!
Loki, struggling to hold a seagull: Maybe say that next time!
Vision: What are you in the mood for?
Loki: World domination.
Vision: That’s a bit ambitious.
Loki: You are my world.
Vision:Aww…
Loki:
Vision:
Loki:
Vision:OH—
Vision: Pick a card, any card.
Loki:Fine.
Vision: Wait, that’s my credit card!
Loki: You said any card.
Vision: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t gotten arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet.
Loki: Nat 20 Charisma.
Vision: That is NOT how that works—
peter quill: plays 80s music
peter parker, gen z kid, bisexual, tumblr user: oh my god he’s gay
Peter: I am very small
Peter: And I have no money
Peter: So you can imagine the amount of stress I’m under
Tony: *whipping out 5 different credit cards* ???
