#incorrect mcu
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVE!!
Bonus:
Fanfiction tropes as Hogwarts houses.
(Or alternatively, which hogwarts house is likely to be involved in said tropes.)
Gryffindor: rivals to friends to lovers, there was only one bed, accidentally locked themselves in a confined space (absolutely the kind of dumbassery you would expect from a gryff), idiots in love, truth and dare, OBLIVIOUSNESS, coming of age.
Hufflepuff: friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, coffee shop au, FLUFF, song fics, childhood best friends, neighbors, mutual pining, accidental confession (lmfao), hot cold dynamics, soulmate au.
Ravenclaw: office romance, METAPHORS, book shop au (obviously), bonding over common interests, letter/email fics, soft nerds, project partners, DARK ACADEMIA, domestic as hell, “and they were roommates”.
Slytherin: enemies to friends to lovers (duh), Fake dating, arranged marriage, partners in crime, immortal lovers, vampire/veela/supernatural elements, Never have I ever, ANGST, secret pining, “make me.” ‘nuff said.
It kinda makes sense in a weirdly specific way if you think about it.
Natasha:Crushes are the worst.
Y/N: Yeah. Whenever I’m around mine, I start acting stupid.
Natasha: But you’re always acting stupid.
Y/N: Yeah, don’t think about it too hard.
Natasha:
Tony:I thought one of you were pregnant because there are weird foods in the fridge.
Y/N: Those are mine. So shut the fuck up.
Natasha, about Clint: At first I wanted to kill him.
Natasha:But now I’m glad I’ve spent the time to get to know him.
Loki:Not evil anymore, I want to be loved.
Loki not even 5 minutes later: Evil again.
Me: I love Lok-
A swarm of assholes, emerging from the shadows, in perfect unison: You know he’s dead right
Steve: Did you just flirt with me?
Bucky: Have been since the Great Depression but thanks for noticing.
Tony: Harley, we need to talk about-
Harley: The building was already on fire when I got there.
Tony:What?
Harley:What?
*trying to break into Steve’s house*
Sam: It’s locked!
Bucky: What do you mean it’s locked?
Sam: What do you mean ‘what do I mean’? When I say it’s locked, it’s locked! How many definitions of ‘locked’ are there?
Bruce: This coffee is very hot.
Clint:Yes.
Natasha: So you wouldn’t pour it on your body.
Clint:Correct.
Steve: So you wouldn’t pour it down your thro-
Clint, already drinking it: Oh shit that ouches!
Clint: I overslept.
Kate: It’s 4:30 in the afternoon.
Scott: Uh… so… Hope, I need to ask you something.
Hope: Oh finally! You’re proposing!
Scott: What?! How did you know?!
Hope: You dropped the ring six times during dinner.
Scott:
Hope: I even had to pick it up once.
Scott: … I was nervous, okay?
Thor: No matter what you look like, all that matters is what’s in here.
Thor: *puts his hand on his chest*
Thor:Muscles.
Natasha: I’m a woman of action. You have to act first and learn to apologize later, like I do.
Steve: You never apologize.
Natasha: Well, I would if I had ever been wrong.
Thor: You know Loki, not every problem can be solved with a knife.
Loki: That’s why I carry many.
What’s Hawkeye’s favorite store? Target.
Wanda: It’s not criminal to be a girlboss
Loki:You look so cute when you’re angry…
Y/N:*glares at him*
Loki:Okay, not when you’re angry with me…
Peter:So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.
Tony:Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Peter: Breakfast burrito, but yea.
Tony: I pity your dentist.
Peter: Joke’s on you. I don’t have a dentist
Tony: How are you feeling?
Peter: I am an iPhone without a case. I’m worth a lot and have a lot of good functions, but I could just shatter randomly
Peter: Dad, relax. I don’t need advice, I just need $1,500.
Tony: Oh, good! That I can do.
Peter: i don’t think i can stay in the same house as the father who ruined my life
tony: for christ’s sake.
tony, cont.: i’ll buy you more capri-suns in the morning…
Peter: so then i got kicked out of the family business for good because apparently i am a “liability” and “reckless” and “Peter”. The last one’s just my name but you should hear their tone.
Tony, to Peter: you’re starting to forget your Spanish. you don’t practice.
Peter: lo siento papa. estoy embarazada
Tony: you just told me you’re pregnant.
Harley: congratulations. you’re glowing.
[staring into the camera with a small grin]
sam: when bucky’s mad at me I tighten the lids on all of our jars so he has to ask me for help
[sound of glass breaking in the other room]
sam: it doesn’t always work, though
