Lingering touches faintly seem to caress your back, ghosts of unwanted memories surging from the deep box you made sure they were buried in. Sad, broken eyes - but not really, not anymore - trace the figure of you standing across the street, a bit off kilt and your head in bubble wrap. You can hear, even smell, the memories resurfacing when you see his face, not long forgotten, always marked in carbon behind your eyes. They taste bittersweet, and seem far older than you give them credit for: but it’s been years, even from the last time you thought about him, or that past you still would like to keep forever on the bottom of a drawer in the back of an your head. He’s just that kind of man: one you can have for a while to yourself, and whose memories might warm you up in the coldest of winter nights - but they fade away with time, leaving behind the unconscious void of something-never-quite-there. You can’t explain the surge of feelings, slithering around your back and inside your veins when looking at his form, his lithe steps and the way he holds another girl’s hand and smiles openly, as if nothing could ever bring him grief or regret. And you smile a little bit to yourself, because maybe that is the truth, and the thing you certainly did not have, was not much a thing at all to him. And it would make sense, because as smiles and bruises, heated whispers, choking gasps, the cold wall behind your shoulder blades and the hot mouth kissing the world away, flood and replace your surroundings, he is not looking anymore. He walks past you, shoulder against shoulder and you keep walking ahead, not knowing whether he does turn his head around, even if you can guess where the heated gaze on your nape is coming from, and faintly touching the point he used to worship right above your collarbone, near a little mole you never noticed. The day ticks away, as the arrows on the clock run from each other, but a photo on your old phone refuses to let you leave. It’s him, just standing there - smiling, carefree, yours. But then you look at your phone, and it is your husband calling, and you feel like the time to toss that other phone away has come. A finger hooks on it, and presses the ‘off’ button, tossing forever away the memories, the faint smell of morning sex and wilted flowers, the burnt cigarettes and the idea of him. The past has enough of that, already - and there is no space for it now. Not here. Not with you. Not anymore.
Wanting to be ravaged, thoroughly consumed by yandere!Uchiha Obito, who keeps on cooing at your poor attempts to escape him and his maniacal laugh trailing after you, in the echo of your steps (that never bring you far enough). He wants to keep you as close as possible, just hanging on every word he says and every thing he does; wanting to sit in his lap and fall asleep in his arms, as he has you near him at anytime he wants. Wanting so bad for you to be obsessed with him as he is obsessed with you.
Synopsis: You had heard that Orochimaru was a part of the ANBU once upon a time, but it wasn’t until you saw him shirtless that you realized it was true.
A/n: btw, if this isn’t in fact canon, we are now making it canon on this blog. Because I fucking LOVE the ANBU…. Can you tell?!
You watched intently from the bed, eyes glued to his left arm as he moved through the room. You had heard the rumors all day long.
“Orochimaru’s new body didn’t erase his ANBU tattoo, that tattoo hasn’t been on his skin for years”
“The host body must be different from the others… He hates that tattoo, after all, it’s the first to go”
“I didn’t even know he was a part of the ANBU when he was in his twenties”
“I heard it was only a couple missions, but still, this just shows how strong he really is”
Those were only a few of the whispers you managed to hear, but it had your mind reeling and fingers itching regardless. “You’re staring” his cold tone snapped you out of your dreamy haze. Your eyes met his before casting to the ground beside the bed, he knew of the rumors and he had a faint idea of why you were looking at him in awe. It annoyed him. Annoyed him because he hated the damn tattoo that reminded him of his stupid compliance with the leaf. You left the village as well, so why did you want to be reminded of it?
“Can I see it?”
It was bold of you to ask, but it was even bolder of you to lock eyes with him. His breath hitched in his throat, as his mind tried to piece together what you just so shamelessly asked of him. You could have waited a couple minutes for him to take off his shirt, but you knew that he would put another one on to cover it up. You wanted to touch it, trace it, kiss it… There was something about that damn tattoo that had your mind reeling. Maybe it was the power it symbolized? The incredible strength that it takes for one to proudly bear it? You didn’t know what it was, but all you knew was that you wanted to desperately see it.
Orochimaru let out a deep sigh, there was no way around this… “Fine. But just this once” he muttered out, fully knowing that once you caught sight of the tattoo he would never be allowed to wear a shirt around you again. You perched higher on the bed, grin widening as you watched him slowly undress. His left arm was facing away from you as if he was teasing you for as long as possible.
“Maru” you whined out, head cocking to the side as a pout graced your lips. A sly smirk grew on his face before finally turning to face you fully. You moved your head to try and get a peek but he covered it with his right hand, cooing at you for being so impatient. Your pout soon turned into a deep frown, eyes taking the form of “puppy dog eyes” in the hopes that your cuteness would encourage him to give you what you wanted.
Slowly, Orochimaru moved to the side of the bed, his left hand moving to cup your chin. His right still hid the tattoo on his left bicep but just him being closer calmed your anxiousness and nerves. “Why do you wish to see such a thing? Don’t you hate the symbol?”
Your eyebrows crinkled in confusion, eyes snapping up to meet his cold glare. Your right hand subconsciously touched his left hand before moving it up his arm until it rested on top of his right hand. “I guess I hate the symbol… But I would die from happiness if I saw it on your skin…” your words died off as you pulled his hand away, revealing the red tattoo that lay proudly on his pale skin.
“So pretty” you whispered out, a smile ghosting your lips as you faintly traced the simplistic shape. Orochimaru pursed his lip as you craned your neck to get a better look, eyes dazzling in the candle light as you cooed out praises of how pretty he was. He didn’t like his time on the team, he didn’t like wearing the stupid tattoo, but this moment had his mind spinning.
Orochimaru shifted slightly to give you a better angle and smirked at the excited squeal that fell from your lips. Your fingers grasped tightly onto his bicep before you pulled him over your body. He fell beside you, grunting as you manhandled him into a position where you were practically on top of him. “Y/n” his warning fell on deaf ears as you straddled his waist. His black hair splayed out on the pillow below and if you weren’t so entranced with the red ink on his milky skin, you would have commented on how pretty he looked right now.
You lowered your head to get a better look at the tattoo, heart beating faster as you traced it again and again with your eyes. Orochimaru opened his mouth once more to announce he had enough, but your sweet lips touching the mark stopped him in his tracks. The kisses didn’t feel real at first as you tried to appease the beast below you, but soon you forgot about him and began peppering kisses all over him.
“I know you hate this tattoo, and I do as well… But I love how it looks on your arm. It’s just another reminder as to why I feel safe around you” You purred out, resting your head on his chest as you looked up at him dreamily. His yellow eyes were wide and you noticed the range of emotions that were swimming in them. Disbelief. Confusion.
Love.
Deciding to not press your luck, you slid off of his body and laid beside him. The sound of his heartbeat resonated in your ears as you let your eyes droop sleepily. It didn’t take long before you had fallen asleep curled into his side, but Orochimaru was far too full of emotions to even think of sleep. Maybe he’d keep his shirt off around you from now on… Maybe he’d ensure that the tattoo carried over to the next vessel as well. If it meant you were happy, then he’d do anything for you.
Synopsis: The death of Jiraiya was a punch to the stomach, but you had to stay strong for Naruto… But who was there to help you when you were similarly falling apart by the seams?
Your hand lightly carded through his blonde hair, fingernails scratching at his skull as you sat solemnly beside him. “You need to get up my love… You have a mission…” your voice was soft, part of you not wanting him to go so soon after the news struck that one of the famous sannin was killed. “How can you just act like everything’s fine” he mumbled out, curling deeper into his pillow to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks.
Your throat felt tight at his words, despite appearances, you weren’t taking it well either. It was no secret that you and the white-haired man had a, albeit rocky, relationship. Naruto knew this fact as well, more than he’d like to, what with all of Jiraiya’s dirty pick up lines and handsy grabs. He knew how much Jiraiya loved you, he knew how much you loved Jiraiya, so why were you acting like nothing happened.
You realized your hand was gripping his hair when he let out a little whimper, causing you to immediately let go. Before he had the chance to see the tears welling up, you stood and began walking towards the door, “I’ll let Kakashi know you aren’t ready yet.” The sound of the door closing made Naruto sigh in relief. He wasn’t ready to go on with life.
Not yet.
“He has to move on Y/n… It’s been weeks”
Kakashi’s words were like knives in your chest, if he expected a child to be over it already, he would surely be disappointed with how long it was taking you to get over it. Your eyebrows furrowed in pain, lips pursing in anger as you process what you were going to reply with. Should you curse him out? Yell and scream? Cry?
“This hit him harder than you can imagine Kashi… I frankly don’t want him out there when his head isn’t in the present. If I need to talk to Lady Tsunade about his absence I will, but I’m not going to push him-”
Kakashi’s hand shot up, stopping your word vomit in its place. He eyed you suspiciously. He wouldn’t voice it, but he heard a slight crack in your voice, something he knew as a warning that you were about to break down. “I’ll explain it to her, no need to get involved….” He trailed off, eyes still filled with suspicion as he stepped forward. “How are you doing… Y/n?” you were trying your best to hold it together at his words, but the second his hand touched your cheek did the tears fall. It didn’t last long though as you ripped your face from his grasp, embarrassed at letting your emotions get the best of you.
“I’m fine,” you stated firmly as you turned to leave. You began to walk away as Kakashi clicked his tongue, this was all too familiar to him when it came to you and your emotions. You hid your feelings until it all blew up, something he could never get you to stop doing. But there was one person who could help…
“Why don’t you go talk to Iruka?”
You came to a halt, eyebrows furrowing at the name. You hadn’t spoken with Iruka in a while… Not since you had begun dating Jiraiya two years ago. “He doesn’t want to talk to me Kashi… I broke his heart” you mumbled out, hands coming up to wipe away the tears that were falling numbly down your cheeks. “Thats not what I’ve heard… I’ve heard he’s been worried sick about you”
You turned swiftly at this, heart thumping at the thought of talking to your old friend again. When you thought more about it, the only person to pull you out of a funk was him until Jiraiya came along. “Where is he?”
Iruka stacked the papers together, turning to place them on the desk behind him before grabbing the eraser to get rid of the chalk markings on the blackboard. The sound of the door opening had his ears perking up and he sighed quietly to himself. Parents had been coming in non-stop about the grades their children were getting in his class, it wasn’t his fault they were failing at something so simple.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t be accepting any parent-teacher conferences tonight, I have somewhere I need to be” Iruka called out, hoping that the parent would get the hint that he needed time alone or he was going to go crazy. “Parent-teacher conference? I haven’t been to one of those in years” your voice floated across the room as you sat at one of the desks.
Iruka whipped around at your voice, eyes wide as he took in your disheveled appearance. It looked like you had been crying, the thickness in your voice confirmed his suspicions as he stood there in shock. How many years has it been? 2? No, it had to be more than that… Ever since Jiraiya…
Jiraiya.
That’s why you were crying… He had almost forgotten for a brief second why he was feeling so anxious. He’s been worried sick about you and how you were handling the death. You slouched in the seat at his quiet demeanor and hard-set stare. It felt as if he was dissecting you without even touching you, and you didn’t like it. “I know you probably hate me but-”
“I could never hate you” he breathed out faster than he would like to admit. Your eyes lifted to his shyly, your feet moving under the desk nervously as you tried to calm your nerves. The summer heat wasn’t helping the situation, if anything, it was making things 10x worse. “They really need to get air conditioners in here” you joked sheepishly, hand fanning yourself as you tried to calm down under his gaze. This is why you avoided him when you were with Jiraiya…
The love you felt for Iruka all those years ago resurfaced under his gaze. Silence filled the stuffy air as you cleared your throat and averted your eyes from his, “I want to apologize for, uh… Ignoring and avoiding you” your hand came up to your neck, scratching nervously as you waited for Iruka to say something, anything. “Nevermind that. How are you?”
For a minute, a beautifully peaceful minute, you had forgotten what you were sad about. Sucking in your bottom lip, you fought back the tears that threatened to fall once more. Your eyes were glued to the floor, knowing that if you met his gaze again you would surely break. Iruka knew this, he’s been through this with you 2 other times, and he knows how you tick. “Y/n.”
You finally lifted your gaze to his, breath hitching as you realized he had silently moved towards you. His hand reached out slowly, almost afraid that he would break you somehow. You were proud of yourself for holding it all in, that was until his fingers grazed your cheek lovingly. As if he commanded you to, the tears fell down your cheeks, but he was quick to wipe them away. He moved to the side where he could get closer to you, sitting on the desk, he moved his other hand to cup your other cheek. The loving touch had you bolting from the seat, chair scraping angrily across the floor as you fell into his embrace.
Slotted between his legs, he pulled you in deeper to his neck. Coos and reassuring words flowed from him as he tried to help you through the pain like he knew you needed. “I just miss him. He was my rock and now I feel like I’m floating away” you sobbed into his neck, the tears and heat causing his neck to grow sticky against your cheek. He nodded silently, hand combing through your tangled hair as he listened to you cry it out like a child.
He didn’t know what this would mean for the two of you… Didn’t know if this would be the last time he would see you again… Didn’t know if you would move on to another and ignore him and the love that he has for you. But none of that mattered, he decided, as he looked out the window at the setting summer sun. All that mattered right now was that you were in his arms again.
Summary: The third hokage assigns the job of raising baby Naruto to you, kakashi’s girlfriend. Needless to say, antics ensue. Female reader.
Word count: 2500
A/N: hi guys. I thought this prompt could be very adorable. I just love kakashi so so much he’s perfect I can’t stop writing for him. Hope you all like it.
Also at first I thought it might be a bit unrealistic that the hokage leave a baby in the care of a teenager but then I remembered he let actual kid Naruto live in an apartment all alone…lmao.
You were anxious, to say the least. The Hokage had called you from your home in the middle of the night, forcing an Anbu to open your window and whisk you from your bed. You barely had enough time to get dressed before you were swept away to the Hokage Tower.
As you entered the room to see what was wrong or what mission you’d been assigned to, you were met with not the sound of the Hokage greeting you but instead the shrill cries of a baby. Your eyes widened and you caught sight of a small blond baby laying in a carriage.
“Hokage, sir-”
“Y/N, I’m dismissing you from your Anbu duties effective immediately.”
Your heart caught in your chest, the baby sitting in the room now the last concern on your mind. “What? Sir, please, if I’ve done something wrong-” you pleaded, but he wasn’t interested in what you had to say.
He dismissed your concerns and motioned with his eyes down to the baby at his side. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I just have another important matter to entrust you with.”
There were a million thoughts running through your head. There was a baby here, just some random baby because you couldn’t imagine that being his child. He woke you up in the middle of the night to assign you this mission so it must be super important or secret. You weren’t very special, you couldn’t see the point in all these dramatics.
“I see. Okay.”
“You’re going to raise this child until he is able to live on his own, probably 6 or so.”
You were dead silent. Besides the baby crying, there wasn’t a sound in the room, not even your own breathing. You were holding it in, fear and surprise creeping up your throat and sinking its teeth into your tongue. How were you supposed to react. You were 15. This was a fresh out of the womb baby.
Were you supposed to be excited?
You were not ready for that kind of responsibility. You didn’t know if you would ever be ready.
“I’ve chosen you specifically because I know you, above everyone else can keep a secret. It’s crucial you not reveal any of the information I’m about to tell you to anyone else. I will give you a list of names of the people who already know the situation.”
“Hokage, sir, I’m not sure I can fulfill your request. This is a bit much.”
“And I know you can handle it.”
You were stumped. He was determined to have you raise this little baby, and you weren’t getting anywhere.
“His name is Naruto Uzumaki, and he’s in need of a mother figure. I’m sure you can assume that role.”
“Uzumaki? Like Kushina…”
“Precisely. This is the Fourth Hokage’s son, as well as the nine tails jinchuriki.”
Suddenly your head felt heavier than before, and you had to balance yourself to keep from falling over. Not only did you have to take care of a kid, but such an important and dangerous one at that. The pressure was unreal, and you nearly found tears start to bubble up in your eyes. This was all too much. Why did it have to be you of all people? You were just another Anbu, talented but nothing extraordinary.
Maybe that’s why he picked you. So you would be able to stay under the radar. Still, it was cruel. This entire mission was cruelty beyond belief. There goes the rest of your teenage years, right into the arms of a fucking kid.
“Oh. I see,” you mumbled.
“You are to say this is a distant family member’s child. Any money you need to take care of him will be provided and you will be paid generously for your time and effort. I know this seems Ike a lot, but I chose you for a reason. I believe you can do it best.”
“I-I…okay. Thank you for entrusting me with the Fourth’s legacy, sir,” it was the only thing you could think to say. Despite wanting to cry and collapse on the floor in a messy heap, you stood strong. You couldn’t cry in front of this man. You couldn’t show your weakness.
“You may take the child and head back to your home. I wish you the best of luck,” he said before pulling out a sheet of paper. “And as I said earlier, here is the list of people you may discuss your predicament with if you ever need assistance.”
Defeated, you picked up the little carriage holding the infant and said a short goodbye to the Hokage. You walked out the office and down the hall where Anbu watched as you passed by. This was going to be quite the adventure, you were sure about that. Whether it would be any fun at all, definitely debatable.
At first, you’re desperate for any sign that the baby will calm down. He just keeps crying and you never get any sleep. No matter how much you feed him or change him, he just won’t stop crying.
It isn’t until you invite Kakashi, one of the few people on the list, to your apartment and force him to hold baby Naruto. Finally, after hours of torture, the baby falls silent and then asleep.
Kakashi is now your God
You have him over at least twice a week to calm down the baby so you can get some much needed sleep.
Eventually you run out of food in your apartment so you have to venture outside for groceries and more baby formula. You wrap Naruto in a scarf and hug him close to your chest, face covered to make sure the sun doesn’t get in his eyes or burn his head.
Your friends are catch you walking down the street and Gai shouts for you to come over, saying you’ve been ignoring them.
“Whoa, Y/N, you had a baby?”
“No, Asuma, stupid.”
You explain that your long lost cousin had died and you’re the only one left to raise the baby. And everyone seems to accept it. Only Kakashi knows the truth, and he watches from the edge of the table as they all coo over the baby.
You treat baby Naruto the best you possibly can. You use the money they provide you plus the majority of your own salary buying him toys and food and taking him out on little trips around town.
People were never the kindest to you upon finding out you were the parent figure for the boy.
They judged you for being young and irresponsible, raising a disrespectful child. You want to kill them for the way they treat Naruto, but you refrain. You’re barely a shinobi anymore, at this point it doesn’t feel like you’re working for the Hokage anymore.
Suddenly your job doesn’t feel so much like a job anymore and more of a lifestyle.
Your bad habit of eating cup noodles everyday seems to rub off on him and it becomes his favorite food pretty fast. You’re sure to take him to the ramen stand as soon as he’s old enough to sit and order his own food.
Toddler Naruto is arguably worse than baby Naruto. That’s precisely why you use dates with Kakashi as a way to get out of watching him.
The two of you decide to go out, you pawn the kid over to whoever has the time to watch him. Gai, Kurenai, Master Jiriaya, even on occasion you leave Naruto under the supervision of Pakkun and the other ninkin.
He’s a naughty kid. Always getting into trouble and pulling pranks on his caretaker. It’s tiring, but you get used to his antics.
As long as he’s home safe every night then everything is fine.
You come to be grateful to have Naruto. He’s the only person that’s ever lit up with stars in his eyes when you walk into the room. He loves you, and you love him. He’s like a little brother.
Eventually he grows old enough that the Hokage says he can live on his own now, and truthfully you almost don’t want to give him up. He’s your baby and you can’t just abandon him.
But still, he moves into his own little apartment and you move on with your life. You become a genin sensei just like the rest of your friends.
Still, you never stop visiting Naruto. You stop by almost everyday to see him. Make sure he’s taken a shower, eaten a proper meal, is all ready for bed in his sleeping clothes.
You and Kakashi eventually get married. It was a small thing, very personal and private with only a few people attending. You tell your baby Naruto all about it when everything is said and done.
Kakashi eventually gets assigned to be Naruto’s teacher and you are overjoyed.
“I can’t believe Naruto is your student! This is just great! You’ll be such a good teacher to him, Kakashi,” you gushed as the pair of you walked home from the assignment meeting today. You clutched onto his hand, waving your arms back and forth with happiness rolling off your body.
It was just meant to be. Kakashi was the best teacher there was for Naruto, having known his situation this entire time. But it still had her feeling full of life.
“He’s a handful. It’s not going to be easy teaching him,” he muttered.
“Well, yeah, especially considering he’s teamed up with that Uchiha boy. Rivalry much?” You laughed. You knew all about that messy relationship. He sure griped over it more than enough times to tell. “But you can do it. You’re the best of the best, Kakashi. If anyone was meant to teach Naruto and the last of the Uchiha, it’s you.”
He nodded silently, continuing to walk beside you. You were right. They were intentionally placed under him as he could handle the intense responsibility that a task of this magnitude would take. It seemed that these sorts of tasks were just meant for the pair to take on, and you would help him through every step of the way, just as he’d helped you raising the boy.
“Mind stopping by the bookstore before going home?” He asked, nudging his head toward the tiny store to their right. You agreed, of course. Reading was one of the only things that brought Kakashi peace in stressful times. If he wished for a book, then he shall receive.
You followed behind as he looked through his romance novels, ones that you were sure he’d gotten ideas for your own little love affair. He would sometimes pull these romantic scenarios right out of thin air, usually quite uncharacteristic of him. You might be right to thank Master Jiraiya for that.
“I think I’ll get this one.”
Before he had the chance to walk out from the thin aisle, you tugged him back. “What is it?”
“I can’t help it. You’ve been looking so cute all day,” you whispered, watching over his shoulder to make sure you had some privacy. “Give me a kiss, Mr. Hatake.”
“Y/N…”
“Come on. Please. Just one.”
“Fine fine. But really, only one.”
He couldn’t help it. You were adorable, with your butterfly kisses and your starry eyes. He loved you. You were his wife, after all. He’d rather not say no to you, or else you might kick him out of the bed later on that night. He wasn’t very fond of sleeping on the hardwood.
Just as you reached up and pulled down his mask, within your little bubble of privacy hidden in books, your lips getting dangerously close to his, a voice rang out loudly through the aisles.
“Y/N! I didn’t expect to see you here.”
You swiftly pulled his mask back up over his nose within a second of hearing the boy and you jumped a few feet back, the abruptneaa that is Naruto causing your heart to race.
“Likewise. Never imagined you stepping foot in a bookstore,” you laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck as the boy appeared at the end of the aisle. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Well,” he shifted nervously, eyes running over Kakashi for a moment. He still wasn’t completely comfortable with you being married and always having the man watching over your shoulder. He was used to it just being you and him. It was strange having a weird masked man around all the time now. “I just found out that the girl I like likes this one book series and I was gonna get her the new one.”
“Naruto, that is so sweet of you. I’m sure she’s gonna love it.” You really weren’t sure. Not with the way that girl fawned over the Uchiha. But what kind of friend would you be to discourage him?
“Hey, Kakashi-san.” Naruto mumbled, eyes flicking up to address the man. He was always respectful to Kakashi, maybe a little rambunctious sometimes but for the most part decent. He didn’t want to be mean to his caretakers husband.
“Naruto,” he hummed back.
“Are you guys headed home now or what?”
“Yep. Just stopped by for a new book to read on our days off.”
“Well, um, I’ve got to go. I got the book right here so now I’m gonna eat some ramen. I’ll see you later, Y/N, Kakashi.”
You waved to him as he left. “He’s so sweet. Poor little baby. You better be a good teacher to him. Kakashi.”
“He’ll be treated like everyone else.”
“Nope. You’re not sending my little boy to the academy. Definitely not.”
“We’ll have to see.”
She nodded her head, watching as the boy ran out of the bookstore with a little bag hanging from his arm. “Sooo, about that kiss?”
He groaned.
After Kakashi passes his squad, you take everyone out for ramen as a reward including Sasuke who is very reluctant to accept your kindness. He doesn’t care for those close to Naruto.
And eventually the time comes where Naruto has to leave the village with master jiraiya for his training. It’s going to be years, and you cry a lot about it.
You hug him tightly to your chest and give him a dozen kisses on the top of his head as he’s about to walk through the village gates.
Jiraiya can only laugh at you, happy that Naruto had at least one person who cared for him growing up.
Admittedly, you do get frustrated with Naruto for his amazing ability to always put your husband in danger. (Especially that time Pein killed Kakashi…but we won’t talk about that)
It’s not his fault, though, and you know that. It’s his destiny after all.
At the end of the day you’re just happy to have two people in your life that you love more than anything. A lover to share the days with, and a child to pass on your traditions and values, to teach everything you know.
Raising the legacy of the Fourth hokage is an experience you wouldn’t regret.
Summary: you are kakashis best friend and he’s always been secretly in love with you.
Word count: 2000
A/N: first time doing some headcanons/this style post. I’ve been really out of it lately and haven’t been working on my current wip so I took a break with this.
When you two were younger, he didn’t really notice you. To him, you were just another comrade/classmate and he didn’t have the time to make friends.
But after the deaths of his teammates and sensei, he’s desperate for someone to care about him, to be kind to him and make him feel something other than sadness and self-loathing
That’s where you come in. He notices the way you talk to Gai and the others, how pure and sweet you are when it comes to friendship. You aren’t the strongest, maybe that’s why you never stood out to him before, but now he’s hyper-aware when you are around.
He suddenly finds himself hanging around Gai a lot more, since he’s your one of your closest friends,, and you’ll usually make an appearance.
He’s sure glad he wears a mask because even when you simply say hello and ask about his day, he’s getting flustered and pink in the cheeks.
One day you even fall asleep in his lap and he’s more than overwhelmed.
It had been a long day of training together. You, Kakashi and Gai actually had a break from missions for once, after a long span of constant trips and missions away from each other. You were originally just practicing your jutsu with the help of Gai when Kakashi had shown up and offered his expertise as well.
Needless to say, hours went by and you were tired. You settled yourself comfortably under a tree in the shade and tossed your head back against the bark, no doubt getting dirt or wood stuck in the strands of your hair.
“Tired already, Y/N-chan?” Gai asked, standing in front of you with his hands on his hips. You could only nod, and from there he plopped himself at your feet, tucking his legs in a knot beneath him. “You did really good. Your water style is getting better everyday.”
“Maybe I’m getting better, but I’ll never be good enough to keep up with Kashi over there. He’s amazing.”
Kakashi felt his muscles tense, and he could only shake his head in disagreement. He didn’t want you complimenting him by putting yourself down. You were doing just fine on your own, no need to compare you two.
“You’re doing just fine. Don’t worry about it,” he said.
Kakashi settled himself on the ground beside you and leaned back on his arms. You were tired, and he could see the way your head lulled from side to side as if you were going to fall asleep any moment. He sighed. You were awfully cute for a shinobi. Soft eyelashes fluttering and cheeks puffed out from a long day of hard work. Adorable.
“It doesn’t really matter does it. I have you and Gai to protect me if things don’t go right. My best friends,” you sighed with a soft smile on your face, happy to have them in your life. “Do you mind, Kakashi?” You asked, motioning down to his lap.
“Mind what?”
“Can I lay my head in your lap? I’m so tired and you look so comfy.”
Immediately, he felt his cheeks beginning to heat up at the thought, but he nodded nevertheless. “Yeah, no-no problem.”
You laid your head gently on his thighs and sighed, cuddling into his jogging pants. It wasn’t long until you’d drifted off into your own little dreamland. Your breaths steadied to a calm rhythm, chest rising and falling with each exhale. It was nice.
“Cute, right?”
“What?” Kakashi asked, raising a brow in his friend’s direction.
“I said, you think they’re pretty cute. I can tell exactly how you’re feeling, my rival.”
He didn’t know how to respond. Yes, he thought you were beyond cute, adorable gorgeous, whatever. But he wasn’t just going to admit that outloud. He stared up at the clouds and shook his head.
“They like you too, you know. A lot. They’re always talking about you when you’re not around. Boring, if you ask me. They think of you as their best friend.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Just thought you might want to know.”
Kakashi kept that thought in the back of his mind, lost in his own emotions. You cared for him. You trusted him so deeply. He felt honored that you spoke about him. He thought about you more than you could ever imagine.
He was happy with you there in his lap, sleeping away with your tiny breaths and your hands curled up in front of you. He wished life could be like this all the time, but he knew it was too good to be possible.
Soon enough, he’s hanging out with you alone. On days you see him walking by, you run up and join him on his errands, and he loves it.
He’ll tell you to leave him alone, embarrassed you can make him feel this way, but you both know he’s not serious. You just laugh and follow behind as he gets his groceries or visits the bookstore.
You’re not turned off by his distant personality. You understand his trauma and pain, and work to accept him for all his quirks and flaws.
As you two mature and he learns from his mistakes, he knows he can’t let you go. He doesn’t even want you out his sight.
He’s sure to say goodbye before you leave for any major missions. If you died, he wouldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t see you off.
He’s in charge of your apartment when you’re gone. He volunteered to water your plants and feed your cat. He’ll leave a bag of candy on your countertop, your favorite kind, to surprise you when you come back home after a long trip.
He always, and I mean always, puts down his book when you enter the room. You are the center of attention for him, and he can’t possibly be distracted by anything else.
Why would he even need those romance novels when he has you and his budding romance to focus on?
He takes you out for drinks at least once a week, under the guise that he’s just bored. No no no, he just loves to be around you one on one. He doesn’t even mind paying.
He’s not big on touching, so he’ll never go out of his way to hug you…but if you hug him, he’s gonna fucking cherish that shit. Anything you do for him he appreciates.
One day you come home injured from a mission and he is just…broken up to pieces he’s so worried.
When he is finally allowed in your hospital room, he sees your weak form lying in the bed, wrapped up under the covers with your head turned toward the window, staring out at the birds flying by.
You hear him finally, and your head turns to him and despite your pain you try to smile. Oh that sweet smile he’d come to care for. He just wished you weren’t so hurt while wearing it.
“Y/N, I was so worried,” he confessed, walking up to your bedside and taking a seat in the nearby chair. “I should have known this mission was too dangerous. I should have said something.”
“Oh, Kakashi, please don’t bother with any of that. This was solely my fault. No one else’s.”
“What do you mean? I knew the enemy was stronger than you but-”
You cut him off, brows furrowed just a bit. “It’s not that the enemy was stronger than me, thank you very much. I could hold my own just fine.” You crossed your arms over your chest and huffed. “I fell down a well and broke my rib and leg. It was an accident.”
He paused for a moment, his lips opening into an “o” shape. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. He was dumbfounded. She was that clumsy? A whole life dedicated to being graceful and tactful, and she fell down a well.
“I see. I apologize for assuming.”
“It’s fine. Just me being dumb as usual. I bet if you were there, you would have swept right in and caught me, huh?” You laughed, pressing your palm to your cheek. You felt warm, probably from the infection you’d gotten after your injury, but it just might have been from the bashful feeling in your chest.
He sighed, keeping his breath calm and his attitude cool and collected. You were right. He would have caught you. He was sure of it. With his eyes on you almost every second you were around, instinct would have just set in.
“Maybe.”
“I’m just glad you came to visit me. I missed you, you know.”
“I-I missed you as well.”
“Well, I’m gonna be home for a little while, so you’ll be seeing a lot more of me.”
He straightened his back, eyes trailing over to the wall instead of your face. He was nervous. The sweeter you were to him, the worse these emotions got. He wanted all of you to himself, selfish as that may be. “When do you get out of here?”
“Probably tonight. I just need to take meds for a while and try to take it easy.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and cringed. Was he really about to ask you on a date? He couldn’t believe himself. He was losing his mind. All because of this one person. “Are you up for dinner? I know you’re hurt and all but…”
“Where do you wanna go?”
“Oh uh, I didn’t think that far ahead, I guess.”
“Well considering I’ve went through quite the ordeal today, Yakiniku Q sounds pretty good. Do you mind?”
“No, sounds great.”
“Then, it’s a date,” you hummed, peering over to catch his red cheeks and wide eyes at your words. You laughed to yourself as he coughed on his own breath. He stood from his spot beside your bed and straightened out his vest as he did so, uncomfortable suddenly. He was so embarrassed.
“If that’s what you want.”
“Yes. Of course.”
And he said goodbye, worming his way out of the room wanting to bury his head in the sand. How had this worked out so perfectly in his favor? He didn’t go in there with the intention of asking you out, but it just happened to play out that way and he felt hot in his own clothes, suffocating on the air around him.
Now he just had to find something to wear. And maybe fix his hair a bit. He would have to ask Kurenai if he saw her, what would impress Y/N the most.
Your date goes well. He fixed his hair and his clothes just enough to look presentable, and you were definitely pleased.
You did most of the talking, as usual, just telling him about your injury and the mission and what you had planned for the next week you stayed at home. You asked him about your cat and your plants that you hadn’t had the chance to go see yet. You asked about Gai and everyone else. The mission had been long after all.
He walks you home of course, helping you along as you clutch his arm for support. You really shouldn’t be walking, and he felt slightly guilty for taking you out in such a state. Thankfully your apartment wasn’t very far.
You get to your place and pull the key from your pocket, twisting the knob to your door. You turn to say goodbye and he stops you, grabbing your wrist in his rough, calloused hand.
“Not yet.”
“What?”
“Don’t leave me yet.”
You nod, waiting patiently for him to think about what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do. You know this had to be hard for him. He was so rough around the edges, so emotionally burdened.
You kiss him, after a moment of silence. You stand on your tip toes and you place a soft gentle kiss to his masked lips. He can only stand there, staring down at you, lips slightly ajar.
How could this be happening? He wasn’t the desirable type. He was a monster. A cold hearted killer. How could you possibly care for him like that.
“Stay with me tonight,” you say to him, “Help me rest up. I’m very injured, you know. Make me tea. Feed Mr. Whiskers. Tuck me into bed.” You’re smiling, and he’s just in shock. How had he found someone so perfect.
He nods and walks right into your small apartment. He would spend the night, if only ro help you out with the most miniscule of tasks. Just to see you smile, just so he could feel your lips on his over and over again.
He got a lot of kisses that night, even one without the mask, when it was dark enough you couldn’t see.
His life was coming together slowly, piece by piece, but now he had you. That’s all he really needed.
A/N: Lol, I thought this was gonna be short. I’m so dumb. Hopefully you guys like. I’m currently working on another multi chapter Kakashi fic so hopefully I can have the first part up soon.
Request: “I was thinking of something that Naruto and Reader have been best friends for a long time, and one day she gets hurt on a mission, and he cries, but in the end everything ends well.”
A/N: request for @writing-x-reader sorry it took so long, end of the semester has been very difficult. Also my first naruto fic. We will see how it goes. Hope I did your request justice! Not proof read at all, sorry about that.
Word count: 3000
_____
Jeez, how was it that someone like her managed to meet someone as perfect as him? It felt surreal.
She wanted to kiss him. She felt herself leaning forward just slightly, feeling her heart rate beat swiftly in her chest at the sight of his tired eyes laying beside her. He blew out steady breaths through his lips, and she thought they looked more kissable than ever before. He was such a sweet guy, so handsome and kind and brave, and everything in between. She wanted him to be completely hers, but that wasn’t happening.
So she laid back down beside him on the plush grass and sighed.
Could they ever be anything more than friends? It seemed impossible. He had that long time crush on Sakura, for one. But he was also so dumb when it came to love and all those things. He couldn’t get her hints, and she was too shy to just tell him outright. It just seemed like a hopeless dream to think they would ever date.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“You got a piece of something stuck in your hair.” Her hands ran to touch the strands that hung around her head, and he just laughed with a shake of his head. “Let me get it,” he told her softly, reaching out to take a piece of leaf from her hair. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up at his touch, and his kindness, and the way he was looking at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered.
“Thanks.”
“You know, you should wear your hair down more often. It looks really nice on you. I like it,” the blond commented, his head propped up in his hand, hair falling into his face and shading over his eyes. He had that kind smile across his face, whiskers and all just adding to the look she adored.
Her cheeks grew warmer at his words and she opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her nerves had silenced her. Instead, she simply shook her head and lowered her eyes, too bashful to maintain the eye contact.
“You- You’re beautiful, you know? You really shouldn’t be so shy.”
Her heart raced at his words, and Y/N felt herself falling into a state of confusion and frustration. How could he say those things so casually, when to her it felt like he was playing with her entire heart in his hands? He was just so nice, and he always knew the right thing to say to make her like him even more, even deeper than she realized.
“Naruto…”
He laughed, leaning back against the grass and kicking one leg over the other. “What? Just being honest. Thought girls liked compliments?”
“No, no, I do. Thank you. I really should build confidence but it’s not as easy as you think.”
It was quiet for a moment, and she took that as her chance to get away, to clear her head and sort through all these conflicting thoughts.
Quickly, she gathered herself up and stood from the grass. She couldn’t be here anymore. She felt too many conflicting emotions running through her mind. She just wanted to be with him, but that was impossible. It made her stomach turn at the thought, and she just needed to get away, run as far as she could so she could be alone with her embarrassing crush on the hero of the leaf.
“I’ve got to go, Naruto.”
“Aw, really? It was so much fun just chilling here with you.”
He was having a good time? Of course he was, they were best friends. They wouldn’t be friends if he didn’t have a fun time when she was around. She shook her head softly to drown out her loud thoughts. “I’ll see you on our mission tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yep. See you.”
“Bye.”
She walked off with heat in her cheeks and heart resting upon her sleeve. She was just so stupid. Crushing on someone so unattainable. The next opportunity she got to confess to him, she would. Just get it done instead of obsessively thinking about it all the time. It was driving her insane, and she needed to fix the situation. Whatever happened, she just hoped they remained friends afterwards.
He was a sweet guy, he would most likely stay her friend and just forget about everything, right?
Just stop thinking about it all, she scolded herself. It wqould only make her more nervous, or even avoid confessing at all. What had to be done, would be done. Whether they stayed the same afterwards or not would be a different story, and she could only hope for the best.
_______
The blade came down upon Y/N with enough strength to pierce her skin and run all the way down her chest, tearing through the skin and some muscle as it did so. She cried out, so surprised by the attack that her eyes widened and she had to do a double take. That man was behind her just a second ago, how did he get so close so fast? She didn’t know. All she knew was that blood was soaking deep into her tunic.
If she had the strength left in her lungs, she would call out for her teammate, for Ino, to come and help her. She was a medical nin, right? But her chest ached, and the most she could get from her lips was a mere whisper.
Everything hurt. Her body burned like fire had touched it, and her skin was hot and sticky to the touch.
She laid back on the ground, without any hope. Someone would get to her when they finished whatever they were doing, she just had to wait. It couldn’t be long.
And it wasn’t.
Naruto stood above her in an instant, and he was quick to fall to his knees at her side. His hands anxiously hovered over the long cut from the knife, and if she were seeing correct, they were shaking fiercely. The strong and brave Naruto brought to a quivering state? She couldn’t believe it. Maybe if he had found Sakura lying here instead, she could understand, but not her. She wasn’t anything special.
“Y/N? Y/N? Are you alright?” he asked, leaning in closer to her face.
“I’ll be okay,” she whispered, reaching her hand out to latch onto one of his. He grabbed up her hand the second he saw her struggle, and cradled it within his own, squeezing maybe a little too hard for comfort, but she could definitely manage. She could feel the heart radiating from his warm hands into her dripping cold ones. A small smile crossed her lips at the feeling, holding his hands. It was nice.
“Y/N, please. Ino- I don’t know where Ino went. Just keep trying for a little longer,” he pleaded,and at this point, she noticed the tears that were brimming his eyes, sliding down his cheeks so silently, she probably wouldn’t notice them any other time if she weren’t so entranced by his features through the hazy lens. “Please, don’t die.”
“I-I don’t know, Naruto.”
“Yes, you do know! Don’t just give up , please! Don’t give up for me, okay?” he exclaimed, and she winced at the height of his voice. Quickly, the boy hushed down, collapsing down at her side from all the sadness seeping into his body. “You just can’t die. I need you,” he whimpered, wiping away at his tears with his shoulder.
“Naruto-”
“I know you’re my best friend, and I know you don’t see me this way, but I love you, Y/N. I’ve felt that way for the longest time,” he confessed, and she felt her heart pick up in her chest, skipping a beat at the sudden confession. He loved her. Naruto Uzumaki, the boy of her dreams, was in love with her. She was high on the endorphins running through her body, and a soft smile lifted on her face. He only clutched at her hands harder, tears continuing to drip heavily down his cheeks. “You are just so perfect. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She knew she didn’t have much time left. She was slipping across the line of consciousness, and she just wanted to get in one more thought before drifting to sleep for a while.
“I-I love you, too, Naruto.”
“Okay, so live! You have to now. We have to go on dates and everything! Come on, Y/N, please!” he cried, more hysterical now than ever. She sighed, knowing that there was nothing she could do to mend away those painful tears. She was dying right here in front of him and there was nothing anyone could do. They just had to wait until Ino found them and hopefully heal her enough that she could live. It was worth a shot.
And if she died? So be it. She was content. In her last moments, she felt Naruto’s love completely fill her heart and mind. That was the most she could hope for in a situation like this, being surrounded by someone who cares about you so immensely it hurts. She squeezed his hands gently, as she felt her eyes closing. He pleaded with her once again, but to no avail, she was out like a light.
He kept on crying, harder now that she was gone and he couldn’t even see her eyes anymore, or hear another word leave her mouth. He felt like everything was coming crashing down on him at once. His poor friend was lying in front of his dying, and he couldn’t do anything to help her besides leaving the body alone to look for Ino, or just wait. He wasn’t too found of the thought of abandoning her body out here in the woods like that.
He clutched at her cold hand in his shaky ones, trying to feel some comfort in the skin to skin touch. Anything to bring her back to him and make him feel like things were okay again.
Ino rushed out of the forest as fast as she could after hearing Naruto call her name a couple times out in the open. Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. Y/N looked dead. Her body was so covered in blood she couldn’t make out an inch of her shirt that wasn’t soaked in it.
“What happened to Y/N?”
“I don’t even know. One second she was fine and the next she looked like this!” Naruto cried as Ino crouched one the other side of her body. Immediately, she set to work healing, and thankfully, there was enough chakra flowing through the girl’s body to signal a swift recovery. Ino wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen Naruto a blubbering mess the way he was right now. He was crying and sobbing, and shaking like a poor little leaf. The blond rightfully felt terrible for not being there sooner.
“Naruto, what’s wrong? Y/N is going to be fine, I promise.”
“I couldn’t even protect her. I love her so much, and I let this happen to her. What sort of friend does that make me?” he cried, trying desperately to wipe the tears from his eyes so Ino couldn’t see anymore. Guess it doesn’t matter though, does it?
“You love her?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, she definitely loves you, too,” Ino sighed, continuing her work. She could feel Y/N getting better with every second that passed by, and she hoped there wouldn’t be any permanent damage. There was no way to tell right now, so she would just wait.
Naruto’s brows perked, and he asked, “What? How do you know?”
“She’s told me. Like, a bunch of times.”
Naruto sat back, falling flat on his butt in surprise. Y/N loved him? For a while? She liked him enough to divulge in her crush to friends? How did he never notice? They were best friends, he was around her almost all the time. How could she keep something like that a secret? He thought he’d made it more than obvious that he had a crush on her, but he guessed she never noticed that either.
He was confused, rightfully so. Finding out your friend has a crush on is weird enough, but it being requited is a completely different thing. What would happen after this? Would they date? Was that even an option? Would she even want to? Maybe when she said I love you, she meant it as a friend. That could be it.
He really just couldn’t make up his mind.
He would just have to wait until they got home, when she was awake and sound of mind, before they could figure out what was going on between them. The waiting would kill him, he was sure of it. But it had to be done.
______
When they arrived back at the village, Y/N was taken to the infirmary immediately. She was hooked up to machines and laid down in a white, sterile room away from Naruto’s prying eyes. Rightfully so, he was anxious to see her. They had just confessed their love to each other, what else could be more pressing than that?
The boy walked around in spiraling circles through the waiting room awaiting the doctor to peek her head in and inform him of her condition. And she did, after a couple hours. She walked into the room and told him it was time to go and visit her, she would be waking up any time now.
She lay still in the bed, only soft breaths bringing her chest to rise and fall. He collapsed into the seat beside her bed and reached out, taking a hold of her hand and squeezing it. Maybe if he continued to squeeze her hand, she would wake up sooner, he thought. He needed to see her, to hear her voice, anything. Just seeing her laying in this bed was driving him insane. There was too much to talk about.
And when her eyes started to open, he found himself practically jumping up from his chair to be closer to her. She groaned, lifting her other hand to rub at her tired eyes.
“Y/N?”
“Naruto?” she asked in her sleepy state, confused as to why he would be there of all people. She turned her head to see the ball of sunshine sitting beside her, holding her hand even, and staring her right in the eyes. She felt heat begin to fill her cheeks. Was he that excited to make sure she was okay?
“I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried about you.”
“I-I’m sorry for making you worry so much,” she found herself mumbling the first thought that came to her mind, no matter how silly it may have been.
He clutched at her hand, shaking his head furiously at what she had just said. “Stop! Don’t say sorry! It’s my fault for not protecting a teammate out there.” It wasn’t his responsibility to make sure she was okay the entire time, he had other priorities of course. She sighed, shaking her head, but not arguing with him.
“You’re right. But you did help me out when I was down and I appreciate that.”
“Of course! It’s what a good guy does,” he chirped, but his mind was obviously on something else that they had avoided so far in their conversation. His eyes trailed to the table beside her, not wanting to look her in the eyes as he brought it up. “About what we said back there.”
“Yeah, the confessions…”
He asked, doubt just now creeping up in the back of his mind, “You meant it, right?” She was in distress. It could have been a love confession out of desperation. He was definitely over thinking things, something he rarely did. He was so straightforward. Just calm down, he told himself.
“I meant what I said. I hope you meant everything you said too,” she told him, still feeling that heat creeping up her neck and ears now. So embarrassing.
“You bet I did! I’m so happy you like me back! I’ve liked you for so long, Y/N.”
“So that means we can go on dates like you said? Ramen dates, maybe?”
“Ooohh, Ichiraku dates. Sounds so good.”
He was happier than he ever felt before, high off life and love and just so much emotion it was bubbling out. He smiled at his new found girlfriend, just watching as she went on about cute date ideas they could go on, her eyes lighting up and her lips curled up in a sweet smile he loved.
A/N: Kakashi again…can’t get enough of this mans tbh. U r an empath due to your kekkei genkai and Kakashi has always been difficult to read. Friend to lovers. Sharing one bed folks, we got some steamyyy shit here. Angst warning as well.
Word count: 6000
He was always alone. Ever since his childhood, he walked the world completely alone with only a few people there to support him. No mother, no father, no mentor, no teammates. He was at the mercy of fate his entire life, things being stolen from him time and time again.
He just prayed that he could keep her. Y/N L/N, the only woman to have wormed her way into his heart and made a home there.
When they first met, Kakashi and Y/N, she cursed him for being such a weirdo. Apparently his mind was empty and his heart was seemingly full of sand. He was conditioned that way, and that is how he lived for the longest time. It wasn’t a surprise for him to hear that.
But she thought it was stranger than anything she’d ever seen, and so she followed him. She would figure him out, bring him back down to Earth from his supposed high horse. That woman was determined, and frankly he didn’t mind her being around. She was quiet enough that it didn’t matter. Not to mention on the missions they had together, she was quite the partner.
Over time, she’d learned to read him like a book. It was part of her clan’s kekkei genkai. The ultimate empath, I suppose. The ability to read a persons every single emotion and then turn that, if they so choose, into power.
She was never the greatest fighter, but her negotiation skills were the best they could possibly be. She would dive into the emotions of another and manipulate them backwards and forwards to get what she wanted.
It was overwhelming, walking into a room of people and immediately being bombarded with so many feelings coming at her all at once. Occasionally, if the situation was bad enough she’d have to take a seat and clear her mind, organizing each person in her mind like a filing cabinet of empathy.
But damn, did she try to weasel out every bit of feeling she could. It was just something that came so naturally, she couldn’t help but instigate whatever was brewing up inside him.
“Kakashi, if you’re happy, you know you’re allowed to express it. You don’t have to hide it away,” she told him, staring at the masked man sitting across from her at the table. He was watching as she sharpened her kunai, and she could feel the content running off his body in small bursts. He was feeling better. Better than he had in a little while. Of course she picked up on it.
He sighed, rolling his eyes. She was always reading him, he knew that. He just preferred when she refrained from mentioning it. It did, most times, feel like a bit of an invasion of privacy, how she could deep dive into the corners of his mind. There were things no one else could ever possibly know that she did. It was strange, but he was used to it.
“What? Want me to smile or something?”
“No, but you should let yourself go. Just drop the facade.”
“Stop doing that. Getting into my head.”
Quietly, she set down her blade and picked up the next one, taking a cloth and softly wiping away any dirt. Her eyes slide up to his for a moment, her all knowing gaze filling his vision. “It’s basically impossible. Especially if you’re the only one around. There’s nothing else to focus on except you.” He knew that. It wasn’t like she had an on or off switch. That was the downside of this dojutsu. Unlike sharingan and byakugan users, hers was always pulling the strings of her brain.
“You’ve got that mission next week. With Naruto and a few of the other kids, right?”
“Yes.”
“It’s A rank, isn’t it?”
She hummed in agreement. He had a habit of knowing about all her missions, more importantly being the dangerous ones. He wasn’t necessarily scared for her, probably not. He was more cautious than anything. There was this nagging feeling in his head that he shouldn’t let her go on these missions alone. That it was too dangerous for her to handle.
But he was wrong. She was stronger than he thought, and could hold her own in battle. He was just a worrier. He’d just lost too many, seen too many bodies in front of his eyes to trust. God, he wanted to trust her, but he couldn’t. She was too vulnerable. His friend, one of the only ones who hadn’t died yet. For all he knew, her days numbered, that’s how paranoid he was about everything.
“You’ll be careful?”
“That’s a silly question.” He gave her a look that said he was more serious than anything, and she sighed. “Of course I’ll be careful. I have people that would miss me if I wasn’t.” He was one of them. She could sense his fear whenever she said goodbye and his relief when she returned. He really tried to remain objective, but his heart said otherwise.
And she would be a liar to say that she did not experience the same relief seeing him come home from missions, even if he was beaten and bruised to the bone, she was just happy he made it back. So many never got to come home. It was a sick world, they lived in, but she could relish in the little comforts.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll always turn out fine. It’s you and your dumb students we have to worry about.”
“I hear you. Those kids are enough to drive a person mad.” He rested his chin in his palm, the mere thought of those kids causing his blood pressure to rise.
“Thankfully my students never gave me any trouble. Sweet little things.”
“Well, aren’t you just lucky, Y/N?”
“What can I say? Kurenai and I got the luck of the draw with our students. You men had it rough, I have to admit,” she laughed. It was funny that he was so unfortunate to have gotten assigned the Uchiha and the Uzumaki, two completely opposite but persistent forces. “Despite your perverted tendencies and your perpetual lateness, you still did a great job teaching them.”
“Thanks. But do you really have to call me a pervert? I’m really not.”
“Yeah? That explains why you read porn in public. Admit you’re a pervert, you dumb old man.”
“We’re the same age-” he began to argue, but she just cut him off with her harsh words.
“Creep,” she muttered, running the sharpening stone along her blade. He narrowed his eyes. She was being awfully annoying, and he knew she could sense his irritation building up. Yet she continued just to be a pain in the ass.
He warned, “Hey. Watch it, L/N.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop…Pervert.” She ducked her head when his hand reached out to wring her around the neck for being so frustrating, and she continued to laugh. It was nice, having a friend she could joke with and be around without having to worry about what she said. He might pretend to be mad, but she could feel the happiness still rolling off his body thickly under all that fake neutrality.
He was happier than he’d been in a long while, and she found herself swelling with pride knowing that she might have helped make that happen. Her lips curled into the gentlest of smiles as she peered back up at him, and he found himself smiling back even if it was just through the mask.
He swore in that moment, he’d make sure Y/N didn’t end up like all the others. She would live. He’d break this wretched curse just for her. He was sure of it.
______
“How could you be so reckless?! Do you want to die?” Kakashi shouted at his friend who could only stand there angrily, arms crossed over her chest and one foot in the other direction. She didn’t need to be lectured by someone who took just as many risks every single mission as she did.
“Kakashi, I really don’t want to hear it. You have no idea how it went.”
“Yeah but Naruto does, and we were just talking.”
She placed her free hand over her chest and exclaimed even angrier than before, “You’re going to trust a kid over me? Naruto even?” It was just low to trust Naruto when she was right there to explain herself. Just let her speak for once, she wanted to say but he of course, had something else to say.
He waved his arm toward the ramen shop, eyes glaring. “Don’t be rude. He’s right there. What is wrong with you?”
Indeed, Naruto was sitting inside Ichiraku with Jiraiya at his side, munching on pork ramen while the pair fought outside. Kakashi was eating with them, taking a break from his work to just relax with his master and student when out of the corner of his eye he noticed Y/N stumbling down the street on her crutch.
He heard when she got back home that she was in the infirmary for a couple days. He had no idea for what reason until Naruto explained to him what happened. She was being needlessly reckless on the battlefield, relying too much on her kekkei genkai and not enough on her brain. She threw herself right in the way of an enemy, for what reason, he didn’t know. All he knew was that she could have died and she didn’t seem to care one bit.
Rightfully so, he was mad. Normally he preferred not to make a scene in the open like this, but there wasn’t anyone else around and he was red-hot.
She huffed. “He knows I don’t mean anything bad by that. How could he not? I’m also his sensei, you know.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Kakashi brushed off her words. “What you did was dangerous and you don’t seem to care. Next time what are you gonna do? Run right into the arms of the enemy?”
“No, I would never. Kakashi, you’re just being a jerk right now. I’m literally injured from the hip down and you have to yell at me? Jeez, just be grateful I’m alive, okay? Things happen,” she tried to reason with him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. He wasn’t exactly feeling all that rational.
“Things don’t just happen like that.”
She groaned, “Well apparently they do, because it happened to me.”
His eye narrowed and she noticed the way he clenched and unclenched his fists a couple times by his sides. Clearly he was just trying to channel his anger, but he really had no reason to be so upset. She hadn’t done anything to him. He really needed to relax. “This is so like you L/N’s. Always so emotional. Always thinking you’re stronger than you actually are.”
“Excuse you-”
“Get a grip, you aren’t going to live forever.”
“First off, don’t interrupt me. Second, don’t talk about my clan ever again, you hear me, Hatake? We don’t live to please your dumbass,” she cursed, how dare he say shit about her clan. That asshole. He was just being so…so unlike himself. She had no idea what had gotten into him, but she hated it and just wanted to continue on her way before he said something else stupid.
Normally, she didn’t expect to be bombarded in the street nearly the second she leaves the hospital, but Kakashi never fails to surprise her.
“I’ve got to go. Don’t bother following me.” With that, she took off past him, rushing as fast as she could on her crutch, which was pathetically slow. Silently, she cringed at how ridiculous she must look waddling around like this in a fit of rage. Nevermind that. She had better things to do.
He huffed out the breath he had been holding to walk back into the ramen shop, taking his seat beside Naruto and slouching down into the stool. Immediately, Master Jiraiya met his eyes, wisdom about to drip from his tongue once again. “You need to go apologize.”
“Why? She clearly doesn’t want that right now.”
“Well, to start, you insulted her clan which is a big no-no. Imagine saying that to an Uchiha. You’re lucky she let you off so easily.”
“Yeah, Kakashi. You kinda just attacked her out there in the street,” Naruto added.
Jiraiya continued, “Mainly though, the longer you let her stay angry, the worse it’ll be for you in the end. Trust me.”
“She said don’t follow her.”
“And you’re actually going to listen?” The older man laughed. “You and her fighting reminded me a lot of young Tsunade and I. And let me tell you, you don’t just let a woman like that go. I sure did. It’s not a fun time.”
“Yeah, Kakashi sensei, go find Y/N.”
The jounin stood from his stool and slapped a ramen voucher onto the counter top to pay for his meal. This really didn’t seem like a good idea, he had to admit. But he would trust the process. This was the author of his favorite romance series, after all. How could he get something like this wrong? To put blind faith into Jiraiya on realistic romantic matters was probably the not the wisest thing to do, but it was the only thing he had to go on. “I’ll go, but this doesn’t sound like good advice.”
“If you let this go, she’s might run into the arms of another man for comfort. Do you want that?”
Tch, there was no way she was gonna do that. She barely had any friends. If anything she would go see Kurenai. Still, he pulled back the cloth at the entrance and muttered, “I gotta catch up to her.”
“‘Atta boy,” Jiraiya cheered, waving off the copy nin. “Another bowl, Naruto?”
“Yes, please!”
Kakashi walked down the streets, looking for the woman he was sent on a mission to find and apologize to. He searched through the shops and the stands for her, walked by her apartment no sign of her. It wasn’t until he stumbled by the bookstore that he found her eyeing down the display out front, leaning comfortably on her crutch.
“Y/N,” he called to her, and he watched as she tensed up without a second. He caught up to her, walking to stand beside her in front of the store windows. “I need to talk to you.”
“What do you want?” She questioned, peering over at him with a quirked brow. He seemed calmed down by now. Thankfully. “Also, didn’t I tell you not to follow me?”
“You did, but Jiraiya told me to apologize.”
“So this isn’t even on your own accord, you’re doing it because Jiraiya told you so.” He groaned. Of course she would twist his words and find some way to make things bad on his end. She was angry with him, what did he expect to happen? Her to accept him with open arms?
“Listen, I’m sorry for yelling at you. I was just overwhelmed.”
“With what? I wasn’t paying attention to anything but the anger.” She picked at her finger nails in an attempt to remain casual, but really she was just itching to hear what he had to say. She was willing to give him a second chance, only because he was normally so sweet. This was just out of character for him.
He replied, “I was scared for you. Naruto told me about how you nearly died, and I was upset that you did that. I was upset because I could only think about what if you had been overpowered and the enemy killed you.” His explanation was weak, but he hoped she would accept it as truth. He really wasn’t lying. When he heard she was in the hospital indefinitely, he nearly had a heart attack himself. He worried for her every time she left on a mission without him. It just meant that if she failed, he wasn’t there to protect her himself. He couldn’t handle that thought.
“So you were worried?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s sweet of you, isn’t it?”
“I’d miss you, you know. If you died.”
She froze. That wasn’t what she expected him to say. When she looked over at him, he was just staring into the storefront window, but she could feel the sadness in waves running off his body. She wobbled around on her crutch to face him, a hand getting coming up to rest on his shoulder. “It’s okay.”
“I don’t want you going on missions without me because every time it scares the shit out of me thinking they’ll bring you back dead. Every time. I don’t know why.”
“It’s normal to worry for your teammates.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“Ah.” And she felt it. Even if it was just a little hint of something, she felt his infatuation roll off his body and she took it in like a drink of cold water. So refreshing. Was he attracted to her? She had no idea before this that he cared so much but from the sound of it, he had some strong feelings attached. She wanted to reach out and hug him, tell him it was going to be okay, but that felt too personal. Instead, she leant back and muttered, “You know, Kakashi, I worry about you too.”
“It’s good we both have someone who cares, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, I should be on my way, but, uh, if you need some help getting up to your apartment-”
“I should be fine.”
“Okay, good.”
“Yeah, so uh, see you,” she turned on her heel and started heading in the other direction toward her home when suddenly, his hand reached out to stop her.
“Wait, Y/N. I think…”
“What is it?”
“It’s just that I need you. Please be careful from now on.”
She stopped, turning around just enough to get a good look at his face. He only watched her, a glimmer of something she didn’t recognize in his eye.
“As long as you take care of yourself too, Mister.”
“Y/N, I…”
All she could feel was a rough fabric rubbing against her face for a second before the full picture came into view.
Mask to lips. I repeat, mask to lips.
She stared at him, as he kissed her right there in front of their favorite bookstore. When he pulled away after a second, he seemed just as shocked as she was. She pressed a hand to her forehead and struggled to find the right words to say.
Kakashi Hatake just kissed her.
And she definitely liked it. More than any other kiss she’d ever had before. She loved it. Mask or not, that was one of the best surprises of her entire life, and she honestly had no idea how to react. She settled for the easiest possible thing, running in the opposite direction, give herself time to think over what that meant for the two of them if anything at all. Kakashi wasn’t the type to have a girlfriend, he was always single. There just wasn’t room in his life for her.
There was plenty room in her life to fit him in comfortably. And there was more than enough room in her bed as well.
Flustered, with heat coming to sit in her cheeks and run up her neck, she turned and motioned in the direction of her home. She just had too many thoughts to sit here and pretend she wasn’t dying inside from the tension.
“I’ve got to run home now,” she managed to say. “Well, not run, with these crutches and all, but you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I should be going too. I’ll see you around,” he mumbled, running his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck.
"See you.”
And into separate directions they went, just as confused as ever.
______
“Kakashi, I swear to God, if you don’t stay on your side of the bed, I’m gonna-
"You’ll what? Hit me? Go ahead. You’re the one that keeps snoring.”
“Shut up!” she exclaimed, rolling over in the bed and planting her fist directly in the middle of his chest. He didn’t even flinch, she hadn’t meant to hurt him anyway. She was just so annoyed. You would think that the stoic Hatake would be easy to sleep beside but no, he was a pain in the ass. He was rude. He was way too hot under the sheets. He still smelled like dog even after taking a bath. Just overall a bad experience, definitely 0 out of 10.
“What? It’s the truth.”
She groaned, throwing one of her arms over her eyes, burying her nose in the crook of her elbow. “Whatever. Don’t ever mention my snoring again. It’s embarrassing me.” She was self-conscious. She was usually so good at maintaining a cool and calm presence and now Kakashi was seeing that all crumble. Great.
“Fine.”
“Can’t you just stay on your side so we can both sleep comfortably?”
“Can’t you just stop snoring so I can sleep comfortably?"
What a bastard. She could practically feel him snickering beneath his mask, and she felt frustration bubbling up in her chest. He was annoying. The audacity of this man, laughing and causing trouble in the night when they clearly had a mission to continue tomorrow. She could actually feel the delight radiating off his form.
She jumped up from her spot and threw herself onto the man beside her, attempting to make a vicious grab for the throat so she could maybe shut him up for just a few seconds. He dodged easily, taking her wrists in his calloused hand and lowering them to rest on his chest. Still, he continued to laugh at her. She felt like an utter joke sitting there on his stomach, looking at him through loose strands of her hair.
She grumbled under her breath, her cheeks puffing out full of embarrassment, "Stupid.”
“Me? Stupid? Look at you.”
She replied swiftly, “What about me? You’re the one with that ugly grin on your face.” Quickly, she snatched her hands out from under his to cross her arms over her chest. She rocked back a bit on her knees to get a better look at his indeed ugly face.
Except he definitely wasn’t ugly, and that grin was more devilishly handsome than anything else. And honestly, she felt herself starting to get flustered in the position she’d put herself in. Of course she didn’t hate Kakashi. He was one of her friends and coworkers. It was just that sometimes he could be casually attractive and she found herself falling under his spell.
He just looked so fucking good lying there, staring up at her with a glimmer in his dark eyes. She could see the smile outlined under his mask. His hands had felt warm and firm around her own fingers. She missed his touch, there she said it, any touch on her body from Kakashi Hatake felt like heaven. He was far too cute, and the soft contact between them drove her crazy.
She wanted to punch herself for thinking such silly things. This was Kakashi, one of her frenemies. Not boyfriend material. Stupid. Silly.
If only he didn’t look so good, Jesus christ. Get your brain out of the gutter, Y/N.
Little did she know, his mind was already waist deep in those damn gutters and he was loving it.
“You really think that?”
“What? That you’re ugly?” She asked, tilting her head to the side just a bit as if to think about it. Only a second later, another mischievous smile crossed her lips. “Of course.”
He lifted his fingers to slid along her waist and down to her hips, fingers curling ever so slightly around her curves. She shuddered as his hands slid down to hold the sides of her bare thighs in his hands, his warm, strong hands with the softest fingertips. She wanted to die.
Had they kissed before? Yes. We’re they somewhat romantically involved? Maybe. Did that give him any good reason to rest his rough hands on her thighs like that? Probably, and her thoughts were running a mile a minute at this point.
“Kakashi…stop that,” she said softly, her voice lowering from how it was before. She suddenly felt a lot smaller, scared even. Hooking up with Kakashi wasn’t something she planned on doing anytime in the near future, if at all. He was her friend, and she felt strange sitting in his lap with his hands all over her. It felt so right but wrong at the same time, like she was breaking the law. Well, laws of friendship that is.
She cared about Kakashi, more than she wanted to admit. He wasn’t just a friend, he was something weirdly in between and she couldn’t exactly put her finger on how she felt about him. All she knew was that if she was going to have sex with this man, it would be the right way. They would have to date first. She wasn’t just gonna sleep around this time. He was different.
She wanted to impress him, to make him smile and laugh, to take him out to dinner and hold hands on their way home, to kiss at her doorstep. She wanted all of that before any of this.
His hands dropped from her sides and she crawled away from him, grabbing her blanket and cradling herself in it. “Listen, Y/N, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“I know, it’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.”
It was quiet. Just the sounds of both their breaths filling the air and the crickets chirping in the darkness outside. She shifted in her blanket to rest her head on the wall, leaning against it with her shoulder. He remained on his back, staring up at the empty ceiling tiles.
It was now so terribly awkward. Thanks, Y/N.
Finally, he broke the silence. “You, uh, don’t snore all that much. I was just teasing you.”
“Thanks,” she exhaled. “You’re not as ugly as I said.”
“I know.”
Wow, Kakashi. So modest.
Her words fell right into place as she spoke, emotions slipping out with each breath. She looked at his profile in the dark, the way his bedhead stood on end, his nose pointed upward and his lips sat calmly, the curve of his chin under the edge of his mask, the way his eyes just sat there unmoving and gentle, brows soft above the eye. She took in all of him as she confessed, “I just don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to fall for you this way.”
“I get it.”
“I just think that you and I could be something different. You’re not like the other guys to me, at least, I don’t think of you that way,” she took a deep breath. He still stared deep in the ceiling, and somehow it made her comfortable enough to confess everything she’d been feeling. It was as if he could just lay there and listen without words forever. “I don’t want you to just fuck me before we really…well I don’t know, we’ve never even been on a date. I…I think I’m ready to fall in love with you.”
“Then let’s do it.”
She peered over at him, lips agape with surprise. She hadn’t expected much at all, but certainly not that. “What?”
“When we get back to the village, I’ll take you on a date, more if things go well. We can take it as slow as you want,” he told her, turning to lay on his side, facing her. He watched as she cuddled further into the comforter, only a peek of her face in his view. She was actually kinda cute through all those worn and torn layers. “I don’t think I can let you go this time.”
“Really?”
“Anything for you.”
She ducked her head down to stare at the hardwood beneath her feet. She was overwhelmed by how nice he was being. Normally, it didn’t go like this. Things normally got sexual so quick there wasn’t even a chance for these sorts of conversations. It was just different with Kakashi. She could say no to him and expect better, because she knew he could deliver. “No one has ever treated me like this before.”
He smiled. “Well, it’s about time someone did.”
“Can you hold me?”
“Come on.” He lifted his arm up with the covers attached so she could crawl over and burrow herself next him, tucked right against his side. He rested his arm around her shoulders and held her close to his chest. Things were looking good for the both of them. Better than they had in a long time.
He wished this kind of thing could last forever. The beating of her heart, the laughter in her voice, the shine in her eyes. He just wished he could have bottled it all up and held it close to him for the rest of his life.
But he waited too long, and the opportunity slipped from his grasp.
______
The pair fought hard. Kakashi was better than her, everyone knew that. The enemy targeted her for that reason. It was clear as day that she was important to Kakashi, and the enemy quickly caught onto that. He was quick to bring the knife to her neck, pressing the woman’s back tightly to his chest. The blade stung her skin, already piercing the flesh from the bit of pressure he applied.
She cried out, feeling a trail of blood begin running down her neck. Her nails clawed at his arm, desperate to get him to release her from his clutches, but he persisted. One hand held onto her chin tightly, keeping her face from thrashing, and the other continued to apply more and more pressure into the blade.
For the first time in a long time, she found herself feeling unrestricted fear. She was scared. Scared for her life. She’d never been in this situation before, feeling so completely and utterly helpless like a deer caught in the headlights. Kakashi was right there, she should have known everything was going to be okay. After all, she had the village’s strongest veteran on her side.
It wasn’t the pain that caused the tears to bubble up in the corners of her eyes, no, it was Kakashi. The way his eyes darted over to the them, and she could feel his heart beginning to race, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end, and the fear creeping up into his heart. He never wore his heart on his sleeve. He was so closed off, sometimes she could only get a wisp of emotion from him, especially the ones that showed such vulnerability.
Now it all seemed to come tumbling out like a landslide. She was drowning in fear, his and her own.
“Let her go,” he called out, practically pleading with the man across from him, but it was in vain.
“Like I’d listen to some filthy leaf shinobi,” the spy replied angrily. He felt so hot, burning up with so much anger she wanted to throw up. What had they done to upset him this badly? Her jaw was starting to ache from being held so tightly, and she swore she could taste blood running down her throat. This was bad. This was so terribly, miserably bad.
Kakashi stood there, his hands hovering at his sides, unknowing of what to do. She was already bleeding out all over the collar of her shirt. If he made a single move, the man could easily finish the job with one fatal swipe. The copy nin felt cornered. Hopeless. What was there left to do? He’d let the love of his life fall in the hands of some petty criminal.
Come on, think of something. Anything. Just think of something.
“What? You upset I’ve got your little girlfriend here?”
God, he was so desperate. The man taunting him didn’t help at all. He just felt himself spiralling deeper into hopelessness. He bargained, “Please, just let her go. I’ll give you whatever you want.”
It wouldn’t work though. This man was set in his ways, and there was no changing that. He came into this fight knowing exactly what he wanted to do. And he was going to finish the job.
“This is for what you shinobi have done to my people,” he sneered before she felt the knife dip further into her neck, sliding painfully across her throat. He dropped her head from his grasp, and as soon as he had, her body crumbled down to the ground. She collapsed in a bleeding heap on the dirt.
The criminal quickly ran into the forest behind them, getting lost among the trees and the bushes within seconds. None of that mattered though. Kakashi could only run over to her limp body lying there on the ground, sputtering and coughing on thick blood filling her throat and lungs. Her cheeks and lips painted red now from spitting so much up. He fell to his knees beside her body, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a tear drip down his face.
She cried, hot tears running down her cheeks into the dirt on either side of her head. She cried for her pathetic self, having been attacked and injured in this way. She cried for Kakashi, feeling the pain and sadness, the panic, radiating off his form. She took in every emotion he was feeling, wanting to savor being with him for as long as she had, to fully take him in one last time.
“Y/N, it’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, his hands running over her hair and cheek, smearing blood on her skin and his fingers. “We’ll bring you back to the village. The Hokage can fix you.” His words were so soft into the air, like if he spoke any louder he would hurt her.
They both knew that none of what he was saying was true. She was as good as dead.
She lifted her hand weakly to sit on his other hand. “I…” The woman took a labored breath.. “Love you, Kashi.”
“No, no, no. Don’t say that,” he hushed her, feeling his heart grow heavier in his chest with every second that passed, every look at her bloody neck and face, her laboring chest as she took hopeless breaths. He was falling apart in this moment, desperate for fate to change, for her to magically be better. He choked, “You can’t die, Y/N.”
“It’s okay.” Her words were slurred and hard to hear, liquid bubbling up in her throat to the point she was almost incomprehensible. “I love you,” she confessed once again. She wanted those to be her last ever words to him, the words he would remember for the rest of his life. To know someone out there loved him more than anything else.
He had to know that he was her everything. He was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she was going to miss him so terribly wherever her soul went after this. She just wished there was more time to tell him everything she felt. Yet, time was passing faster than she thought, and all those words felt impossible.
“I love you, too. You have to live for me. Just keep breathing, it’s going to be okay.”
“It…hurts.”
More misery erupted his chest, and he found himself wanting to scream. Tears dripped steadily down both his cheeks now as he watched this woman die in front of him, one of the only people he truly needed in his life. “I know, baby, I know. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.”
She nodded faintly, her eyes beginning to close. He was starting to panic. Was this his last moment to say goodbye? Their time together was so short, how was this fair? He’d already lost everyone he ever cared about, and now this? He felt like the gods were laughing down at him and his misfortune.
“You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know how I’ll do this without you.”
She didn’t respond, but she was still breathing.
“Y/N, please.”
And he watched as her chest fell still and her labored breaths were silent on his ears. He found himself gathering her form up against his chest, her head cradled in the crook of his neck, just sobbing into her hair, weeping for a long lasting love gone in an instant.
He carried her body home that day himself. Something he never anticipated happening, but should have prepared for. He always thought he was going to watch as someone else carried her home to him, death long gone before he had the chance to see. He never thought it would be right in front of him. He thought he could protect her, save her from the clutches of fate. He was so wrong.
A/N: second part to skinny love. This is all angst. Very sad. I just watched the pain arc again and had to write something about Kakashi and what happens. Im guessing this could be tagged for spoilers but Naruto is old soooo.
Word count: 5000
“I’m just saying, maybe the second novel is better than the first. You’re free to have your own opinion, that’s just what I think.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
“Whatever you say,” Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes at the masked man sitting in front of her. She was sipping on a hot bowl of broth after coming home from her most recent mission. It was a nice day out, and she thought it would be a good idea to go out and get something to eat with her favorite shinobi. He was dangerously possessive over his romance novels, and felt immense embarrassment when Y/N decided to pick them up as well.
For a week after finishing the series, she mocked him for liking the gushy, mushy romance that lied on the pages, not to mention the more inappropriate chapters that left nothing to the imagination. Master Jiraiya wasn’t kidding when he said he was doing “research” at the bath house.
“We should go out more often,” he commented, “It’s nice to relax with all this Akatsuki business going on.”
“Definitely. We used to go out like this all the time before you started training those kids,” she hummed. It was true. They had normal outings at that point in time, as the only thing they did was go on missions and then chill at home until the next outing. After Naruto and Sasuke revealed their unique personalities, and got themselves into some sticky situations, the times changed and they spent much more time apart than before. “Not to mention going out with you gives me an excuse to eat whatever I want.”
He nodded in reply, his eyes trailing down to his novel once again which he was skimming over. She didn’t mind him reading at the table. What was he supposed to do? Eat? There was no way he would take off the mask. He was content just giving her company.
His reading gave Y/N an excuse to admire him. Her eyes would lift from the table every time he looked down at the pages, and she would take in all his features. She swore, he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever met, even with the mask. Without a mask, he probably resembled a god. It was nice to just watch as he relaxed into his novel, enjoying himself without any cares in the world.
She liked to talk to him even more. He always knew the right thing to say to make her feel important and wanted, even on her worst of days, he was there to make it better. He was brave and strong, but kind and gentle when need be. His soft words in the late nights they hung out, or his concern when she injured herself, or the happiness the times she made him laugh. Each moment meant so much more to her than he realized.
It was evident to everyone that she had an attachment to him. What kind exactly was the complicated part. While they had been friends for quite a long time, she felt like he was more than just a normal friend or even a best friend. He felt more like a partner than anything, whether it be partner-in-crime or partner-in-love. She loved him with every bone in her body, more than she loved her comrades or her friends, she cared for him like she would a lover.
Maybe it was because she was so shy that she couldn’t tell him how she felt after all this time. Maybe it was fear of rejection. Maybe it was fear of death. She wasn’t sure what held her back from confessing her love to him, spilling all those words she kept under lock and key. She wanted there to be something more, but he’d never let on that he cared for her that way, and surely he would have said something if he did feel that way. It just seemed impossible.
But not to the ordinary person.
People had mentioned in passing to Kakashi that he acted like a lovesick teenager when he was around the woman. She was just so perfect, how could he do anything but adore her. To him, she was one of the only people that truly mattered as more than a fellow shinobi or comrade.
There was no reason to rush it though. If she truly wanted a relationship with him, she would tell him eventually. He wasn’t one to go around throwing out love confessions first. He would wait until she was comfortable and ready. Until then, he would admire her from a distance, through friendly touches and smiles, and dreamy looks when the other wasn’t watching. To him, that was enough.
This lunch outing was the perfect time to waste some hours with her just talking and reading in the others company. The day almost felt too good to be true.
And it was.
First there was the explosion, followed by the screams. Oh, those screams would haunt Y/N’s dreams. Villagers who she’d known growing up screaming in pain. Quickly, she jumped to her feet as did the copy nin. Their eyes frantically looked through the doorway of the restaurant, but there wasn’t anything on their particular street, just dust from the explosion floating down in thick clouds.
“Someone’s attacked the village. Shit,” he cursed under her breath.
They would have to go out there and fight, they both knew that very well. Fight who, they didn’t know, but Y/N could sense that the same foreign chakra signature was coming at her from multiple directions in the village. That couldn’t be good. It was probably that Akatsuki member that everyone was talking about. Pain. Pain with the rinnegan. How could the leaf compete against something as strong as that dojutsu?
“Everybody out! You know the evacuation route,” Y/N called out to the civilians in the restaurant, as she swallowed her panic. She made a move to usher the people from the store so they could run in the direction of refuge.
This wasn’t a normal battle. These intruders were a completely different breed than the ones they were used to fighting. She could feel the impending doom start to blanket around her body, and she took a deep breath. How could this happen? Was Pain here to take Naruto? Naruto wasn’t even in the village, how could that be? Was it the Akatsuki making a big statement attacking one of the five great villages?
There was just something off. She could feel it. Today was going to be one of the worst days, worse than anything else they’d experienced.
“Y/N, let’s go.”
“Kakashi…” she trailed off, not taking a step forward just yet. Was there something she needed to get off her chest before they rushed into a battle with an outcome unknown? As she met his frantic, panicked eyes with her own, she wondered if she should just confess her feelings right then and there, just so he could know before they put their lives on the line.
Never in her life did she think that her or Kakashi might die. It was never a thought that crossed her mind. She assumed she had all the time in the world to gather the courage to tell him. Now it felt like she had run out of time, and they might never get the chance to see each other again. The chakra signatures around them were just too strong to guarantee they would live against their blows. It felt like this was her final chance.
She started again, “Kakashi, I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” he asked, wanting to hurry this along. She could see plainly that this wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t in the right mind to hear her words, or comprehend the meaning behind them. Instead, she lowered her head and sighed.
And so she kept that secret tightly bound deep in her heart.
“Nevermind, it’s not important. Just be safe out there. Make it back to me in one piece, okay?”
“You know I can’t promise that,” he replied, and her heart sank in her chest. He was right. If he died, he died. If she died, she died. Nothing could stop fate from doing its dirty work.
“Just promise me. Give me some confidence before we jump into this mess. I-I can’t do this without you promising me you’ll live!” She cried, passion and fear dripping off her words. She had her eyes shut tightly at this point, just trying to keep herself from letting the potential tears gather in her eyes. Her fists clenched by her side as well. “Just say something!”
He nodded, thinking of the right words to say. “I promise I’ll make it back to you, Y/N. Now promise you’ll live. For me,” he demanded, lifting her head to face him. His fingers were strong against her cheek, firm when faced with danger. He wanted her to live, but knowing that Pain killed Jiraiya was enough to make him worry and plan for the worst.
Why was he even asking? He knew that words meant nothing. That most promises were just bound to be empty.
Just this one time, he prayed that she’d keep it.
“I promise.”
“Now let’s go. I’ll take this side, and you go that way. Sounds like explosions came from both directions.”
“Got it.”
There was no room for goodbyes.
After that, they went their separate ways. Y/N had to keep herself from losing control. Everything was going to be okay. She was worrying far too much. Kakashi was strong. Stronger than anyone else she knew really. He couldn’t be taken down by some terrorists. It wasn’t an option.
As long as she could sense his chakra lingering in the distance, she would know.
__________
It was painful, the wound that tore through her thigh. Blood dripped thickly from the cut, but she continued to fight. In this situation, there was nothing else to do, nothing more to fight for than the safety of the village and the people within it. Y/N has never seen a villain this bad, someone so dead set on killing and tormenting that it brought the shinobi of the village to their knees. Yet, here he was, this orange haired creature who popped up at multiple points of their city, each with a different signature move yet a similar chakra pattern.
Y/N knew she couldn’t break down just yet, not after seeing comrade after comrade fall to the ground and lose their lives to the cause. She had to keep going for them. For her friends and her family who died. She was never the most talented at fighting, she was more of a sensory type, stay on the inside and study type of kunoichi. But not today. No one had that luxury today.
Constantly, she could feel the loss of the ninja alongside her, their chakra signatures melting into nothing as blasts continued to ravage their village. The fire within their bodies burned for the last time, disappearing into the ashes.
It wasn’t until she was on her knees, face buried in the dirt and rubble did she really feel the pain this man was so desperate to bestow upon the villagers. Kakashi’s chakra had burned out. It was as if her body gave up after that. She couldn’t move, her bones were broken and she couldn’t afford to stand and fall back down once again, believe it that she tried over and over again. Nothing mattered at this point. How could it? She couldn’t feel her best friend’s chakra signature any longer. He was dead.
Her crying into the dirt was the only thing that signalled another shinobi to come and help her to the infirmary. Someone she barely knew had picked her up by the arm and hoisted it over his shoulder, dragging her by his side to the hospital where the medical nin were no doubt working harder than ever. Her whole body felt like it was caked in bloody crimson mud, dust up her nose and muk between her teeth.
Everything just made her cry harder and harder until she felt she was gasping to breathe.
The harsh lights in the building did nothing but sting her eyes, and the dozens of medical nin rushing around those lying on the floor overwhelmed her.
Sakura stood at the front of all the mess, and her eyes immediately caught onto Y/N and her rescuer. “Y/N-sensei, what happened to you?” she cried, rushing over with her frantic hands hovering over the state of the broken woman as she scanned for the wounds. This only caused more sobbing.
“One second she was fine, the next she was lying in the dirt screaming. I don’t know,” the man said, handing her off to the pink haired girl. “She’s got broken legs, I know that.”
“Thank you for bringing her,” she mumbled as she brought her sensei over to an empty cot, sitting her down on the cloth and beginning the healing process on the worst part of her leg where the bone was exposed. She was shaking so badly it was almost hard to concentrate on her work. She’d never seen Y/N so hopeless and lost. She was strong, she never faltered in the face of danger. It worried Sakura, no doubt.
“Sensei, what happened?”
“It’s Kakashi,” the woman croaked between her harsh breaths. “I-I can’t feel his chakra anymore.” Tears ran down her cheeks furiously, dripping from her chin into her lap. She felt the hopelessness overtake her entire person, the only thing left being complete and utter fear. Her chest heaved, desperate for the next gulp of air into her lungs.
Sakura nearly faltered at the words. Kakashi sensei, dead? How could that be? He was one of the strongest shinobi they knew. He would never fall victim to a villain, would he? From the sounds of Y/N’s heartbroken cries, the medical nin knew that it was over. That another life had been stolen from them.
Kakashi was Y/N’s heart and soul. She loved him for years and planned to love him for many more. Everyone knew that. Kakashi and her may have never acknowledged their feelings before his death, but the skinny love lingered in the air every time they were around each other.
The longing looks when they passed each other in the street. The pain they felt when the other was hurt. The smiles they shared when something good happened in their no-good shinobi lives. They were more than willing to lay their lives on the line for the other, more than just a comrade, more than a friend.
Her passion for Kakashi was the only good thing she had to come home to after missions. His face was the one thing she wanted to see after a bad day. His stupid face as he read his perverted novels, that grin that she positively adored.
All of that was gone, and her heart couldn’t take it. The pain from her injuries sat in the back of her mind, the only thing she could focus on was the loss. Knowing she would never see him again, never hear his voice. If only she could hear him laugh one more time. It was impossible, but she wished to the heavens above for mercy.
Sadly, no one was there to listen.
“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered, not knowing what else to say. What could she say?
“I need him. I can’t do this without him,” she sobbed, her hands shaking by her side, having to clench her fists just to stop the tremors. “Sakura, it’s been 15 years. I…I don’t know a life without him.”
Her heart broke at the words. It was true. She didn’t know life anymore without Kakashi. They’d been friends and comrades for so long that it seemed like that was all she knew. How can you come back from that? Sakura didn’t know. She might be able to heal the woman’s legs, but there was no way she could begin to heal such a broken heart.
“It’s okay. You have plenty of others. You have Gai and Kurenai and-”
“Fuck everyone else. You know they can’t replace him,” she snapped. “No one can replace him.”
Sakura could only nod solemnly. They could lie all day and pretend that Gai would somehow swoop in and make up for that gaping hole in her heart. They could lie and say that Kurenai and her child would fill Y/N with a happiness she felt with Kakashi. Yes, they could certainly lie about it all.
At the end of the day though, her pain would be unrivalled. Losing the one man you’ve loved from the moon and back. It would take an entire army and then some to combat such a struggle.
When Sakura was done healing the woman, she handed her a roll of bandages from her pocket. “I’ve got to tend to others. Wrap this around your calf and then stay here to rest. Please, just rest yourself, sensei. You’ll heal faster that way.” Y/N took the bandages and nodded her head weakly, shaky hands going to wrap her bare and burned calf with the medical bandages.
Her mind still centered around Kakashi. She found herself curling up into a ball on the little bench she was sat at, hugging her knees close to her chest. She just cried. Right now, she couldn’t do anything else.
Just cry.
________
The village was in complete and utter ruin. Y/N lay painfully utop a mountain of rubble, blood oozing from the back of her head and from her already injured leg. Pain’s final attack, one that completely demolished the village…it spared her life.
How could things get any fucking worse?
She felt like the Gods were being especially cruel to her on this day. Especially cruel to every single person in the village, but they kept Y/N alive for their own personal amusement, laughing at her loss and her pain and her frustration.
Despite Lady Tsunade sending out Katsuyu to protect the villagers, Y/N only seemed to be in worse shape than before. She could feel the slug on her shoulder slowly healing her, but it wasn’t much compared to the pain and the numerous injuries.
Y/N rolled onto her side and groaned, pain shooting up her spine and giving her a brain-shattering headache. When she went to cough on something thick and slimy in her throat, what splattered on the ground was red. Maybe she was just meant to die slow and painfully.
It was better this way, she decided. Nothing could make this day worth it. Nothing. The pain was unbearable.
“Y/N? Is that you?” a feminine voice called from a little while away, and the woman cursed, spitting up more blood as she did so. Sakura climbed through some of the rubble to approach her. Her hands hovered over the woman’s broken body, scanning over all her wounds.
Naruto was down there fighting Pain. Everything was going to be okay as long as they had faith in the Uzumaki. Sakura could focus a bit of her energy on healing her sensei. There was nothing else to do except watch the fight below them, in the center of the wasteland that used to be the Hidden Leaf.
She began the healing process, medical chakra flowing into the woman’s chest wounds, the most critical of all. “Sakura…”
“What is it, Y/N?”
“What’s happening? Is everyone dead?”
“No, everyone is alive. Lady Tsunade sent out Katsuyu to protect everyone. It seems that you were injured before your healing slug could get to you. Thankfully, you have both of us to fix you up,” she muttered. Y/N would have been blind to not notice the way Sakura stared past her deeper into the wreckage as she spoke.
“What do you see?” she asked quietly, as loud as her body could muster.
“It’s Naruto. He’s out there fighting Pain alone,” she said, “He-he’s gotten so much stronger.”
The older woman smiled through her pain, shutting her eyes and letting a soft sigh leave her lips. She hadn’t anticipated Naruto to come saving the day, in fact, it seemed more likely that Pain would kill everyone and leave the village in ruin. Fortunately, Kakashi’s student, the one that people had underestimated for so long, was out there doing what the rest of them couldn’t.
A hero. No matter if he won or not, these are the actions of a hero.
“It’s his destiny: to save this village,” she whispered. “Jiraiya once said so.”
“Let’s hope he was right.”
Together they lay there in the middle of ruin while Naruto battled Pain. They watched as the two men launched themselves away from the village into the woods, the nine tailed fox coming to life far away from where they huddled together. The village was safe from direct harm at this point and the two women let down their guard just a little bit. Down in the middle of the pit some of the students started to gather, including a heavily injured Hinata.
“Help me down there, Sakura. I need to see Gai,” she said, louder than before. After all that time healing, she found herself strong enough to prop up on her elbows and gaze into the destruction.
Once down there, Sakura was quick to start healing Hinata, fearing that the girl had taken too much damage to handle. After all, she charged against Pain, the supposedly leader of this terrorist attack. All of that to help out young Naruto. Y/N felt like she was staring at an image of herself for a moment. A young woman ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of the man she loved.
As her eyes moved around the area, she caught onto the bright green outfit of her long time friend. His eyes caught hers for a moment and quickly, he rushed over to her side. She collapsed onto her knees, wincing at the pain that ran through her body as she did so. She found herself still a bit too weak to stand.
“Y/N, you’re alive,” he gasped. He knelt on the ground beside her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, steadying her shaky form. “Your injuries-”
“Forget about that, Gai,” she mumbled. “Something terrible has happened.” He couldn’t imagine what she had to say could be any worse than the destruction of the entire village. But he nodded and sat there listening as she spoke her words carefully, painfully with each syllable that left her lips. “Kakashi is dead.”
He felt his heart drop in his chest. As he looked at the woman before him, he knew that she wanted nothing more to cry, yet there were no tears. He assumed that she had already cried her fill earlier and could only mourn at this point. He didn’t ask before wrapping her smaller form up in his arms and tugging her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder, dry sobs causing her entire form to quiver.
In a moment like this one, he just remained still for her. Sit there and be there through this pain. He felt crushed at the thought of his best friend dead, his eternal rival somewhere out there in all that rubble fatally injured. Gai had lost a brother that day, and Y/N had lost her one and only lover.
He listened as she hopelessly bawled in the comfort of his arms, feeling every bit of her pain sink into his form. They had gone through battles together before, they grew up teammates and friends, how could they not. They had seen death and pain all their lives. This was on another level, incomprehensible to either of them.
Pure misery. Every emotion seemed to burn in her chest. She wanted to curl up and die herself.
________
It felt like hours went by before the lives were returned. She hadn’t thought much of it when the elderly Toad woke up from his eternal slumber. For a moment, she thought it was just a fluke. That he had never really died in the first place, they just thought he did. But then, she watched as people above the trench started to stand from their resting places on the ground and in the rubble.
That is when she realized that somehow, someway, the lives lost during this terrible battle had been reclaimed. It was only a matter of time before she found out if Kakashi had come back to life as well. She sat there, focusing all her energy into sensing nearby chakra, sorting through hundreds of people for the one she wanted.
Gai had left to help out some of the others, so she just sat there waiting. Waiting for Kakashi to come back to her. Just like he promised.
After all this chaos, she couldn’t imagine keeping her love a secret from him any longer. He needed to know. She wouldn’t let this opportunity go wasted. Y/N was given a second chance at finding love in her friend, and she would be damned if she let that go to waste.
After a while, she began to feel his chakra. At first it was very faint, like he was a mile away hidden underneath rocks and everything else you could imagine. But then it got stronger.
He was alive.
When she saw his form climb down into the pit with the rest of them, his mask torn and only the bottom layer of his clothes still intact, she nearly cried once again. For hours before this, she was prepared to never see him alive again, never see that masked face look down upon hers once more. She had mourned the loss of Kakashi Hatake, only for him to be returned.
It was as if the God’s had listened to her prayers.
“Kakashi!” she exclaimed as she struggled to get herself up from the ground. She knelt on one knee, pushing herself up with the other, desperate to walk over to him. Her body failed her of course, and she fell back onto her butt. He noticed her though, her tiny figure in the crowd of hundreds. She was the one person he wanted to find all along.
He fell onto his knees beside her, his hands coming up to grasp her cheeks with his dusty, calloused hands. She relaxed into his rough fingers, sinking into the warmth that he was sharing. His thumbs slid along her lips and chin, trying to rub away the dirt that was caked in some places. She was a mess, messier than he was. He could only imagine the suffering that she went through as well, to have survived all of that without death as a retreat in the middle.
“Y/N, what happened to you?”
“Pain’s final blow caused some pretty bad wounds, but it’s fine. Sakura healed me enough that I’ll make it through,” she told him. Softly, she lifted her hands to place them over top his, her fingers slowly wrapping around his. “Kakashi, you broke your promise to me.”
“I know.”
She found that the words came out faster than she anticipated. Emotions and feelings being laid out in the open for him to see/ “I-I completely lost myself when I couldn’t feel your chakra anymore. I thought I’d lost you. I couldn’t stop crying, and I was angry at you for breaking your promise to me,” she rambled, “I didn’t know what I was gonna do without you.”
“It’s alright. I’m here now. Whatever Naruto has done saved my life,” he soothed, letting their hands fall into her lap. She wouldn’t let go of his hands even if he wanted them to himself. She was afraid. Afraid that if she let him go once more that he would be gone forever. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. I really shouldn’t have died like that. So irresponsible of me.”
There he was cracking a fucking joke about his own death. She wanted to smack him for being so dimwitted in a moment of vulnerability. Just the thought of being with him again made tears spring up in her eyes, and she shut her eyes to keep them from falling. Happy tears or not, she wasn’t going to cry again.
“I need to tell you what I was too afraid to say before. What I wanted to say before we went our separate ways,” she confessed, her breaths coming out harsh and rushed. Once again, she gripped his hands tighter in hers.
After taking a couple breaths, she lifted her eyes to meet his, mouth just agape. He really was all she could ever need. This moment wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t ideal, but it was just right for what she needed to say. “I’ve always loved you, Kakashi.”
“Y/N-”
“Listen, I know it’s not exactly an appropriate time to be confessing my love to you and all, but I couldn’t risk another day going by without telling you.”
“I love you, too.”
And silence.
There wasn’t anything else to say. The love was mutual, it had been all this time. They just took their time getting around to admitting it, to just hear those words leave the other’s lips for the first time. There were no butterflies in her stomach nor did her heart race in her chest at his confession.
She could only feel comfort in the umbrella they’d created for themselves, the outside world lost to the both of them.
In a flash, she lurched forward to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face deep into his neck. “Don’t die ever again, Hatake, or I’ll kick your ass,” she laughed, the sound of her laugh reaching his ear. He held her to his chest and sighed.
“No promises.”
“Kakashi!”
Despite what happened that day, he felt comfortable. For the first time, in a very long time, he felt relief wash over him. Everything was going to be okay.
A/N: hello again. I’m in love with Kakashi this mans makes me heart go wild I swear. Hope you like seeing him on ur dash lol. Shy reader who is too afraid to confess how she feels to Kakashi. This is only part one and is essentially just fluff. The second part will be all angst and sadness so beware.
Ps. It took me so long to get this one done. I was struggling to find the right words.
Word count: 4000
“Come on, sensei. You like him,” Sakura laughed, poking her superior in the arm. The group of women stood outside the training grounds after a day of hanging out and working on their jutsu. On occasion Y/N enjoyed taking the girls out and spending time with them. It was a relief to be away from all that testosterone. If only for a short time.
She just shook her head, smothering down the embarrassment she felt creeping up her neck. Her stomach churned whenever she recognized her feelings for the man. It was just so intense. “I would never feel that way about a coworker, you know that, Sakura.”
“But he’s not just a coworker to you, is he? He’s also your close friend,” Ino hummed.
“Perhaps, but haven’t I taught you that it’s bad to let emotions get in the way of work?”
The blond rolled her eyes, turning to fully face one of her sensei, who she would argue was deeply in denial. “Seriously why does it even matter? Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei literally had a baby together. You should definitely tell Kakashi you like him.”
Y/N tossed her head back against the wall, sighing. “Girls, I really don’t like him. He’s just my friend. He’s nice to me and I appreciate that, but that doesn’t mean I want to date him or anything.” Her voice shook and clearly she had been caught.
She was always so bad at lying.
“Whatever you say, Y/N.”
“It’s just something I’d rather not dwell on, Sakura. I’m sorry for being so private about it, but it’s a sensitive subject for me,” the woman confessed, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.
“It’s okay! You don’t have to apologize. We get it! Feelings can definitely be complicated.”
“I-I,” she started, about to explain herself, but instead she rethought what she was about to say. There was no reason to actually reveal how she felt about the man. These times were tough, and there wasn’t any room for making things even more messy with relationship drama. Y/N was more than happy just pretending they were friends and nothing more. As long as she had him just to talk to, she would be fine. As long as he always made it back alive, there was no reason to complain.
“You’re right. Feelings are too complicated,” she muttered, feeling herself practically deflate as she did so. Y/N was beginning to think she was just the one making everything complicated when it didn’t have to be. Skipping around and lying about her feelings. Kakashi wouldn’t ditch her if she just said something, she was sure of it.
Just as Sakura was about to reply, the voice of the man in question chimed in from down the path, “Y/N, we were looking for you.”
“Yes, the third wheel to our tricycle of youth!”
Y/N felt a smile grow on her lips at the sounds of those voices, especially Gai’s exclamation of youth. He was awfully weird, she thought, but that was what kept him so interesting. She turned to face the men walking in her direction. “Kakashi, Gai! What’s up? The girls and I were just finishing our training.”
“We’re going out for drinks and thought you might like to join.”
“Sounds great. It’s been a long time since the three of us went out. For some reason we never have off at the same time anymore.”
“Yeah, it’s a shame. Missions have taken over our lives lately,” Kakashi said tiredly. It was true. They really never had a second to rest. It was beginning to take its toll. Those were the consequences of war though. “How have you been?”
“Good, I, um…” she began, her eyes trailing up to Kakashi’s. He watched back intently, patiently, and she felt something in her chest flutter up. He was always so handsome, she wondered how she could go so long without seeing his face. She just wanted to leap forward and give him a hug, wrap herself up in his warm arms for just a little while. That wasn’t an option though, so she settled on some simple words. “I’ve missed you.”
His eyes softened barely enough to be noticeable but she saw. Her heart continued to flutter up in her chest and she sighed, clutching her hands tighter behind her back. No doubt the girls standing just behind her were hyper-analyzing all their interactions, especially after revealing they held an interest in the pair’s relationship.
He didn’t have the chance to reply though, as Gai was the one to chime in. “Why thank you. I have to say, I’ve missed you as well, my kunoichi friend.”
“Thanks, Gai.” Even if the statement wasn’t exactly pointed toward him, she was happy she had been missed.
“No problem! Now I hope you young ladies don’t mind if we take L/N off your hands.”
“No no. It’s not a problem, Gai-sensei. I’m sure our moms want us home for dinner anyway. It’s getting late after all.”
“Yeah, we’ll see you later, Y/N-sensei.” The pink haired girl waved ss they started to make their way in the opposite direction toward town. Ino paused for a moment though.
“Don’t forget what we talked about. You really shouldn’t be so shy; it’s gonna be okay,” she said softly. Y/N sighed, nodding her head as if to say fine. In reality, she wouldn’t do anything different. She wasn’t feeling very open to changing herself or facing any of her fears. “See you around.”
It was kinda sad that Y/N found comfort and support in a bunch of 15 year olds. She was an adult, couldn’t she talk to other adults about her problems. These girls were just so accepting and she didn’t feel awkward talking about immature things like crushes. Any other adult would just be too wrapped up in their own lives to care too much anyway.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing, Kakashi. We were just talking about random stuff. You know how curious they can be.”
“You go out there and fight rogue shinobi every week. How could you be shy?” The green beast asked.
“It’s really nothing. They’re always assuming things about me. I’m reserved, but I wouldn’t say I’m shy, per se…” She stopped to think for a quick second, tapping her foot on the ground. “Actually, I would say I’m just more conscious of the things I say and do than most other people. Not a bad thing at all.”
Kakashi nodded. “It’s good to keep a level head.”
“Exactly. I’m Level headed. Thanks, Kakashi.”
“Now let’s head off to the bar! Sake for everyone!” Gai cheered, throwing his fist up in the air. She nodded, walking up beside the pair as they started off toward the restaurant of their choice, which she hoped was her favorite one with the tastiest fruit juice drinks. She was willing to put out good money to have one good, tispy night of drinks and snacking. It had already been weeks since she had a night off, one time wouldn’t break the bank.
She stood to the right of them, just beside Kakashi. Every now and then she found herself drifting just a bit too close to him, her natural gait leaning toward the left. At one point, she found her hand skim dangerously close to his and she snatched it away to keep herself in check. Holding his hand perhaps was a dream of hers but she wasn’t going to actually try anything.
It wasn’t that she was afraid of Kakashi. Quite the opposite actually. She cared for him so deeply it sometimes made her stomach churn when she thought about it. He was her friend for ages, ever since she could really remember. He was one of the only people she could sit with and feel completely enveloped in a warm comfort, free of judgement and deceit. Gai as well, but Kakashi was different.
Maybe he could be a bit of pervert, and even sarcastic at times, but he was never rude. He had changed over the years from being a know-it-all, little jerk to someone everyone liked and admired, a kind and brave soul.
Unfortunately, it took bouts of death and loss to come about this change, but she wasn’t going to ignore it. He was the best man she knew, and it only seemed natural she fell in love with him. He would probably never feel the same way. He had better things to worry about and other women to long for. He didn’t have his entire life to wait around for a shy woman like herself. That was okay.
As long as he was alive and well, she would be happy.
Maybe one day she would gather the courage to grab his hand, to run her thumb over his knuckles and feel the callouses against her skin. Maybe one day she would have the courage to confess how she felt. Not now, but one day when she was comfortable.
“You okay?” He asked, pulling her out of her deepening thoughts. “You’re walking really slow and uh, your hand…” The man motioned to where she was clutching her wrist against her chest.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just uh, my wrist is sore from training.” She worked her hand in a circle, pretending to stretch it out. He rolled his visible eye, knowingly.
“Sure. Always skipping around the real issues.”
“I’m really okay. I was just thinking hard about something.”
“Anything to do with what you, Sakura, and Ino were talking about?” he suggested, raising a brow.
She groaned. He always knew what she was thinking. It was definitely one of his best and worst qualities depending on the situation. In this case, she felt awkward as she was so lost in thought about him. She felt like a fool. “Maybe it was. But that was girl time and now it’s drinking time. Different topics of discussion.”
“Well, mind telling me what’s got you so caught up? It’s gotta be important.”
“It’s personal.”
“Ah, I see. Well, that’s fine. When you want to talk about it, I’m always around.”
There was silence for a moment, her thoughts running wild in her head. He was so kind, it wouldn’t be bad to tell him how she felt. He would let her down easy, surely. And Gai would be there to cushion her embarrassment, no doubt. He would make things less awkward somehow. She was sure of it.
It was crazy. No way she would say anything. Definitely not.
“I’m interested in someone,” Y/N found herself blurting out before she could stop herself. She just felt so much pressure building up in her chest and the only way she could relieve that feeling was to tell him something, anything about the predicament she was in. She wouldn’t tell him exactly how she felt and about who, but she could vent.
Damn, all this and she didn’t even have her first drink. That man really did something to her.
The men stopped in their path, their heads turning their attention solely to her. She felt her neck and cheeks begin to heat up and her palms start to sweat. Why would she say that? Dammit. She really was a fool.
“Really? Who?” Gai asked. “He’d be a fool to reject you, of course, beautiful flower of the leaf! You do not have to worry!”
“Gai…it’s really not that simple. He is, um, out of my league, I guess you could say,” she muttered nervously, rubbing her palms together to ease her anxiety. “He’s just well, I don’t know, the perfect guy ever.”
She could feel Kakashi tense at her side, and her eyes scanned over him. He didn’t look out of the ordinary but his energy had definitely changed. Strange.
“No one is out of your league, don’t you dare say something like that! If he doesn’t let you down easy, I will use my fists of justice to defend you! Tell me who this mystery man is.”
“This is what Ino meant when she said you were being shy. You aren’t going to tell him, are you?” Kakashi asked, and she noticed the bit of annoyance in his tone. She wondered if he was just upset she was talking about such silly things when they were ready to start drinking. She felt embarrassed. They were adults. Adults don’t talk about this kind of thing. He doesn’t want to hear about the guys she’s interested in, or how she feels about them. Maybe Gai would be interested in it, but not a cool guy like Kakashi.
“Of course not. Like I said, he would just reject me anyway, there’s no point,” she told them. “And Gai, I can’t just tell you who it is. You know you’re a loud mouth; you’d go around telling everyone.” She really didn’t believe Gai would do that to her. He was far too conscious of others feelings for the most part. She just couldn’t risk Kakashi knowing. She would keep it a secret from him.
“Oh come on! Just tell us! I’ll help you out, be your wingman!”
“Maybe I’ll tell you another time. When I’m more confident in myself.”
“Well, what is it that has finally caught out dear friends heart in a web of love? Tell us!” Oh man. He really was nosy sometimes. He meant well, but occasionally he just didn’t know when to stop. Kakashi kept his mouth shut because he understood she was getting uncomfortable, that or he was growing annoyed as she suspected.
Regardless, it was nice to get some of this off her chest, even if it was risky business.
“I don’t really know. He’s smart and considerate, and very brave. He’s handsome as well, that’s a plus,” she smiled, listing off the things she liked about the man standing right in front of her. It felt so exhilarating, talking about her feeling so openly. It was terrifying and relieving at the same time. Y/N exhaled as she thought about him again, “He just makes me feel happy when I’m in my worst moments, that’s all. I mean, what else could I ask for?”
“I see! He sounds like a good guy. Can’t wait to meet him,” he laughed until his eyes widened and he leaned in a bit closer to her face. He pointed his finger at his chest and questioned, “Unless of course, I already know him. It’s not me, is it?
She found herself smiling just a little, her lips curving up at the absurdity of it all. "No definitely not. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m wounded, but I understand. My youthfulness is just too strong for you.”
As she thought of something to say, she began to question just why Kakashi hadn’t said anything really at all. It was strange of him, letting the other man do all the talking when normally he asked her questions and at least tried to engage. Maybe he was feeling tired or bored with the conversation. She had to change the subject.
“So uh, let’s get a move on before all the good booths are taken, yeah?”
“Actually, I’m getting tired. I think I’ll just head home for the night, get ready for my mission in two days,” the white haired jounin sighed. They both looked over to him, surprised, but Y/N knew why he needed to go. She had upset him somehow. So much for a fun night between the three of them.
“Kakashi, come on! Don’t bail on us now!”
She took a step back and her eyes trailed up to his, which were narrowed, not angrily just as if he had been hurt or confused she couldn’t tell which. “Oh, are you sure?” Her heart was sinking in her chest seeing him so conflicted.
“Yeah. Got a headache, too.”
“Ah, okay. Well, I’ll see you around sometime?”
“Yeah.”
“Goodbye, rival. Hopefully you are feeling better tomorrow and we can have a real night of drinking indeed!”
And with that, he left to his apartment, leaving the other two behind. She felt her stomach begin to turn uncomfortably, sick from the thought of Kakashi just leaving them like that. He seemed so angry, she couldn’t help but think it was all her fault. It wasn’t in his nature to act that way.
They had already spent so much time apart already that it was tugging at her heart strings. She felt like they rarely saw each other anymore. For him to be angry at her and leave, that meant they would just see each other even less than before. It seemed like a nightmare come true. She really did miss him, like she had said. She missed the fun they would have together and the conversations they shared. She just missed him and there he went, gone off again without so much as a real goodbye.
The woman clutched at her stomach, feeling the tossing and turning overtake her sense with nausea.
Suddenly, before she could contain herself, tears began dripping down her cheeks, and she sucked in her breath. Hot tears warmed her cheeks, and frantically she wiped them away from her cheeks. Her arms wound around her waist and she hugged herself tightly inward, almost as if she would turn into a ball if she could.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?! What happened?”
“It’s Kakashi,” she whispered, trying to keep herself from crying anymore but it only got worse.
“Kakashi? Because he left? It’s okay, we can go drinking another night or-or you and I can just go alone. No problems,” he tried to say but it wasn’t going to work. She didn’t want to go to dinner with Gai and she didn’t want to wait until tomorrow, or whatever the next time they would all be together. She was being stupid and selfish, acting like a spoiled little baby with all this crying. She just couldn’t stop herself.
“It’s not that. There’s something I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s gonna be fine whatever it is. Just calm down.”
“No, I can’t. It’s so bad, Gai. I’m in love with him, it’s him, and now he’s mad at me and I don’t know what I did wrong,” she confessed, feeling all the words slipping out so easily. How is it that such strong emotions could just cause her to think so irrationally and just let something like this happen? A bout of confessing every feeling she had to her friend who may or may not go and relay all this information to Kakashi. It was stupid. She was just being stupid and reckless.
He nodded carefully, moving to take ahold of her shoulders to steady her. “It’s gonna be okay. He’s not mad at you, I promise. I know Kakashi and I’m sure he really was just feeling sick.”
“Gai, I just…I don’t want him to ever leave me, even over something stupid like this.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to worry about Kakashi leaving you. He would never do something like that. You are one of his closest friends. There’s almost nothing you could do to make him do that, especially if you always have good intent at heart. Trust me, you really don’t ever need to worry,” Gai explained trying his best to reason with her. “You two do everything together. He never stops talking about you! He would never let you go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am one hundred percent sure!”
“I-I need to go find him. I need to make sure he’s not upset with me,” she said as she pushed herself away from him. He waved to her as she started in the direction of Kakashi’s apartment.
“Goodluck on your mission, Y/N, not that you’ll need it.”
______
Kakashi was just about to enter his apartment when she dashed up the stairs and turned the corner, going so fast she nearly slid into the wall. His eyes widened when he saw her, and he froze in his spot, not turning the key to the door just yet. Her face was flush and chest heaved. He could tell she rushed on her way.
“Y/N, did you run all the way here?”
She stood, catching her breath after just having run all the way across town to find him. Her heart raced as she looked up at him, and she clutched at the railing of the stairs for support. “I wanted to say sorry for whatever I said to make you angry with me. I didn’t know I was being insensitive.”
“I told you I was sick,” he replied, but she knew better. And he knew she did. He wasn’t dumb. They knew each other better than that and there was no pretending.
“I could tell that was a lie. I know you were angry and I felt terrible.”
“Were you just crying?”
She exclaimed back, holding a hand over her heart to maybe try and ease the racing heartbeat, “Maybe. What about it?! I was hurt that I’d offended my friend, isn’t that tear-worthy?” She took a few more deep breaths through her mouth, letting the air fill her up and calm her down. “Why were you so upset?”
“It’s not important.”
“No, no. It’s important to me!”
The man paused, thinking over his next words carefully. He very well knew the real reason he ran away from their conversation like a coward. He actually thought it was obvious. It wouldn’t hurt for her to know. He sighed, “If you really want to know. It’s because I was tired of hearing about your love life. It’s not exactly an entertaining subject.”
She knew it but admittedly she would be lying if she said she didn’t feel her heart break a little at those words. He didn’t care about her feelings enough to just sit there and listen to her talk for a couple minutes? Was she that annoying? So many thoughts ran through her head, and each one made her sad. “I just didn’t want to go a whole night with Gai talking about it,” he added. “It’s nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s fine,” he brushed off her apology. “I’m the one who asked about it in the first place.”
“Why- why wouldn’t you want to hear me talk about other men? Why would that be a sore subject for you?” She asked, her curiosity spiking up through the roof. It was strange, the whole situation. He had never backed down from a personal chat before, only this time.
He felt like a deer caught in the headlights suddenly. How was he supposed to reply to that without blowing his cover. “I just don’t like the whole romance thing.”
But they both knew that was a lie. He read romance for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But if he wanted to keep his secrets, she would let him. There was no need to pry. She just hoped he would trust her enough in the future to explain what he meant. Secretly, she wished that it was because he was jealous. That he didn’t want to hear about another man because he wanted to be that guy, her lover. It was a wild thought, a hopeless theory meant to be thrown out, but she could fantasize.
“Kakashi, we’re still good? As friends and all? You’ll go out with me and Gai another time then?”
He nodded, his lips quirking up into just a tiny smile. It was characteristic for her mind to go straight to the worst case scenario. He replied, “Of course. Like I said, it’s not that bad. Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay. I’m glad. I really thought I messed up this time.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make me hate you,” he sighed, leaning his shoulder against his door frame. “The day I let you go is the day I die, Y/N.”
She smiled, closing her eyes and finally taking a relaxed breath. It was done. He wasn’t angry at all. He still cared for her and everything else she could hope for. As long as they could remain friends, it was all gonna be okay. She laughed, “That’s what Gai said. Should have listened to him, huh?”
The both nodded and suddenly they were enveloped in a peaceful silence for a while. She stared down at her feet and he watched her quietly, admiring the way she could be so miserably shy yet so adorable at the same time.
“Do you wanna go catch dinner? Or uh, just drinks like we originally planned, if you want,” he asked, running his hand through his hair. Her eyes brightened at the question, and he’d be stupid not to notice the new shine in them.
“Do you want to go find Gai first?”
“Actually, how about it just be you and me this time? We’ll catch Gai tomorrow morning for breakfast instead.”
“Two meals in two days…I’m not made of money.”
“It’s on me. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, jeez. So nice of you, Kakashi. Thank you! Where are we going?” she asked happily, walking up to him and rolling back in the balls of her feet.
“Wherever you want to go.”
“I feel like I’m getting the special treatment. I’m so excited,” she cheered, pulling him in the direction of the stairs by the edge of his sleeve.
He just smiled. It was all he could do. He had the most beautiful woman in the entire world in front of him ready to go on a not-exactly date. They were only friends, and she reaffirmed that today when she mentioned she was interested in someone else.
But for now he could pretend they were a thing. That they were dating and that she loved him and he could openly love her back. He would take her out to dinner and kick at her ankles under the table just to annoy her. And he would take a sip of her drink and pretend it was too sweet for him and watch as she struggled to drink a sip of his liquor.
And after he walks her home that night, he would hug her tight to his chest and he would think about kissing her, to pull down his mask for just a split second and press his lips to hers, but he would refrain. It just wasn’t the right time. Maybe there would never be a right time either, and that was okay.
As long as they could have nights like these, as long as he would feel her in his arms, he was more than happy. He was in love.
A/N: my first ever attempt at a gaara one shot. Essentially, you are permanently disabled due to an accident involving evil jinchuriki gaara, but you never gave up on him. friends to lovers. dramatic confessions. gaara is just so pure and sweet, he deserves all the love and more. perfect baby boy. precious.
ps. this was a very quick write. there may be mistakes, idk. just hopefully someone enjoys.
Word count: 3600 (soo short lmao)
The pair of them walked the aisles of the bakery. He adored how her eyes grew wide when they landed on a particularly shiny loaf of bread or a decadent chocolate cake that she couldn’t help but gush over. Today, after work since it seemed he had a break, he decided he would go with her to the dessert shop she’d been begging him to go visit.
He watched as she hobbled forward on her crutches, leaning some of her weight on walls or tables when she got the chance. He felt genuinely awful. It was his fault she was in that position after all. Nearly ten years ago when she enveloped her in his sand and crushed her leg brutally. He was so lost and hopeless back then, and a mere sparring match was enough to set him off and permanently injure the woman.
He felt like the worst man alive as he watched her walk around, and he followed on soft feet behind her. They were friends. It seemed that even after all he had done, she still cared about him. She walked up to his office the day he became Kazekage, and asked to be his assistant. He couldn’t say no, not with the way she smiled so beautifully at him with those soft lips and sparkling eyes.
Admittedly, he wanted her to be at his side.
She often sat with him in his office when there wasn’t anything too urgent going on, her legs tucked under her and her crutches leant against his desk. She would tell him stories about her day or things that she found funny, and he would listen intently to each word. He adored her voice. It was perfect, the perfect pitch and tone, just enough enthusiasm to blow him away. How she could be so positive when so many things had gone wrong, he wasn’t sure.
He knew that if he asked Naruto, the boy would have the answer for sure. He was so wise with people in that way. After all, Naruto was the reason Gaara was able to change into the man he was today, the man that had Y/N laughing and giggling in the evenings before she went home.
Y/N’s smile was so bright. It practically glowed when she entered the room. He wanted to bottle it up and keep it forever, that is how much he admired her enthusiasm. He couldn’t imagine the pain she went through, and the struggle she goes through daily. He couldn’t imagine the strength she must have to work for him and maintain that attitude that he admired so deeply.
She was so beautiful. He found himself waking up multiple times in the morning with her still on his mind, her eyes and her smile and the way her hair fell around her face. He found himself so lost in the mere thought of the woman, he thought he might be going crazy.
He’d asked his siblings about the situation, on separate occasions, just gauging what two more adjusted people thought of the situation. Each time, they laughed, and told him he simply had a crush on his closest assistant. His sister told him to act on his feelings before she was swept away by some other man from the village. His brother told him she was quite a catch, and he would be lucky if she liked him back. He thought she was only kind to him because he was her boss, essentially. Needless to say, that was a bit rough for Gaara to hear.
He wasn’t sure what he would do if Y/N shared his feelings. She certainly was kind, and the woman he wanted to be with, but he just couldn’t be with her, not after everything he had done. He couldn’t imagine her ever caring for him like that after he took away a huge portion of her mobility. He stole away from her the ability to become a shinobi like she always wanted. He felt like a monster.
There was no way in good conscience, he could accept her affections and burden her with his own. She was too perfect. He wouldn’t ruin her in that way. He couldn’t.
And so he was content just following her around, buying her little goodies here and there to make her happy just one more time before he had to see her off for the night. No doubt, he would dream about her once again tonight, after spending so much time staring into her eyes and hearing her melodic laugh. Sometimes, he found himself looking forward to those nights where she would plague his mind. He could truly be himself in those dreams without any constraint, without an ounce of guilt. He could love her during those nights, and he found himself longing for more and more each day.
She spun around in front of the final glass case in the near empty bakery, and she pointed to some fruit tarts in a little box.
“You want those?”
“Yes, please.”
He pointed them out to the staff, and they bagged them up and slid them across the counter. He got a discount as the Kazekage, and he was more than willing to buy a few things for her. It was the least he could do. Even though he paid her a decent amount for her work, he still felt generous. He liked seeing the way her eyes lit up and her ears perked up with happiness each time he bought her a simple cake or tart. It was so cheap and simple, he felt like he was robbing her. He got so much enjoyment out of seeing her beauty over and over again and all she got was a little dollar dessert.
They walked out of the store, and she sighed, reaching into the bag and taking out the little box. She pulled out the cake and took a quick bite, sighing loudly at the flavor. “Wow, Gaara, this is one of the best ones yet. Try it,” she held out the other side to him.
“No, I’m okay. I’m sure it’s great.”
“Oh, come on.”
He sighed, and took the tart from her hands, taking the tiniest bite from the side opposite of hers. She was right. It was really good. He nodded, his lips curving into a tiny smile as she grinned, giving him a thumbs up. “See, I told you it was really good. I don’t go around picking out crappy sweets.”
“Here, eat the rest. You haven’t had a chance to eat today, have you?” he asked, urging her to take the tart back. She did, and nodded. “You really can’t be doing that, Y/N. It’s not healthy to skip meals like that.”
“I know. I normally don’t but during my lunch break today, I was busy talking to your brother and I lost track of time.”
“So it was Kankuro’s doing? Of course.”
“Oh, jeez. It’s not a big deal. My parents are going to the market today so they’ll no doubt be home with some food for me to eat for dinner. Plus, you got me these awesome tarts for dessert.”
He nodded, a hum leaving his lips. “Still, I’d like if maybe you started eating lunch with me, just so I can make sure you’re getting proper nutrition.”
Her eyes widened, and she began to smile once again. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up from his offer. How could he so casually say something like that? He was never one to really think through the things he said, just saying exactly what was on his mind. “Are you asking me on a lunch date?”
“What?! No-that’s not what I meant,” he blurted out, his own cheeks turning red under her stare. “I just meant it as a friend thing.”
She averted her eyes back down to her dessert, and she took another bite. After giving him a moment of time to cool down, and after she’d swallowed, she replied giddily, knowing it would stir him up once again, “Alright, well, I wouldn’t mind if it was a date thing, just saying.”
He was now nearly as red as his hair, and she burst out laughing. “What?! Y/N, don’t laugh at me!”
“Okay, Kazekage-sama.”
He huffed as he tried to calm down, following as she started off once again to her home. On days like this one, he would walk her home from wherever they had gone, and in turn, he said it was a way for him to see the village. In reality, he had seen the village more than enough time to count, he really just wanted to walk with her home, to feel like he was doing something for her by providing company on the short journey through the streets.
As they approached her home, he knew that this was going to be the end of their outing and he would have to leave her once again. He really enjoyed their time together. It was the only part of the day he looked forward to most of the time, and to see her go always filled his heart with a bit of sadness. It was unreasonable to want anymore time out of her day to himself, but he couldn’t help but want it.
She opened her front door and stepped inside, holding the door open so she could see him standing at the edge of the walkway to her family home. He shifted awkwardly under her stare, one that was absent of a smile and that familiar glimmer in her eye. Things felt serious all the sudden, and it made him nervous.
What had changed all of the sudden? He never expected her next words. They hit him in the chest like a stone, and knocked the air from his chest.
“Gaara, I think I’m in love with you,” Y/N called to the boy standing in her doorway. One outing after another, she found it harder and harder to maintain a neutral guise around him. Y/N really liked him. He was strong. He was a hero. He was a beautifully kind creature whom everyone came to adore.
He stood there in shock, his eyes wide and lips just agape. He wanted her to take back what she’d just proclaimed. He couldn’t accept it. Not when her crutches were right in his view, and her leg was missing right below the knee. He couldn’t handle that confession. Not now, not ever.
It was all his fault.
He turned his head away to the street and sighed, shutting his eyes tightly. “Y/N, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” she asked, fiddling with the bag of groceries in her hands. It took a lot of nerve to confess to him. It takes a lot to go out and profess your love to the Kazekage and the famous Gaara of the sand. He was a celebrity, practically. He wasn’t simply a childhood friend. She was rightfully nervous.
“I’m sorry you feel that way about someone like me.”
“Gaara, stop. Please. What happened, it’s over now. You’ll never be that same person again.”
He grit his teeth, another sigh coming from behind his teeth. “I cannot accept your confession. I’m sorry, but I have to go now. Please, keep this between us, alright?”
It seemed that the end of their rope was near. He had said what he wanted to say, or what he felt needed to be said. He cared for her, he’d cared for her since he could really remember. She was always kind to him, so beautiful and sweet and generous. Y/N was forever forgiving, and he knew that. He was fully aware that she’d forgiven him for what he’d done to her when he was lost in violence all those years ago. He just couldn’t forgive himself. He was forgiving of those who had wronged him, but to give mercy to the person who brutalized the one woman who’d shown him kindness from the beginning, he just couldn’t bear it.
Gaara was a lonely man. He would always be a lonely man, surrounded by people but always just far enough to protect them. He couldn’t let someone like her become close again and risk something else happening. Even if he was non violent now, what’s to say someone else wouldn’t have a grudge against him and target her?
It was all too overwhelming.
“You can’t deny it, Gaara, you love me too,” she called back to him, quiet enough not to disturb the neighbors but loud enough that it rang out in his chest like a gong, echoing there for a minute. She continued softly, “You can’t just pretend there’s nothing between us just because something happened almost a decade ago. You can’t abandon me, not after everything we’ve been through.”
“Y/N, it’s not that easy.”
“It really is that easy. If you care about me, and I care about you, then that’s all that matters. Forget about my leg, please. I’m over it. I’ve grown used to it, so much it’s not a problem,” she explained, “In fact, you treating me like I’m some injured lamb is the real problem. I’m a strong woman. This injury is nothing when it comes to my sheer force of will.”
He felt terrible, really, he felt like every move he made was the wrong one. He felt like he’d travelled down all the wrong paths with this woman, and she still loved him. Despite everything, she loved him without fault. He was her best friend. The friend who stole her leg from her so young. He was beyond conflicted.
His eyes flickered around the street, and she could feel his paranoia. It would be quite scandalous if someone caught them out here talking about something as personal as this. He was the Kazekage after all, whether he was experiencing normal 22 year old emotions or not.
Y/N grabbed his hand and tugged him quickly into her home. Her parents were gone for the day to the shops, so they weren’t there to intervene, not that they would be too pleased to see their daughter with the red haired boy. Yes, they were proud to have him as their Kazekage, standing strong and tall for the nation. But the injuries he had inflicted on their daughter were a bit too severe to ever completely forgive him. They could never give Gaara their blessing, nor did they truly approve of their friendship. Y/N and Gaara knew this. It only caused his guilt to hang heavier in his chest.
She shut the door behind him, and sighed as she leant her shoulder against the wall, a bit of pressure taken off her sole leg and her arms propped up on the sticks.
“Gaara, how do you feel about me? Really?” she asked.
He wanted to say nothing, to just turn away and pretend he hadn’t heard the question. But he knew that wasn’t an option. He would tell her everything. “I enjoy your company, more than I care to admit. You are so beautiful and kind, I always want you around, especially when work gets rough.”
Y/n stood silent as she let him keep going, to get what he was feeling off his chest. There wasn’t really an outlet in his life to get out all these pent up emotions. He could use a shoulder to lean on sometimes, just as much as anyone else.
“You’re right,” he groaned, “I love you.”
A soft breath caught in her chest at his words. It was true that she had a feeling he felt that way for her, but it was a different thing to hear his words reach her ears. His breathy, raspy voice and the exasperation carried in his tone. The way his eyes refused to meet hers he was so afraid. She felt a shiver run up her spine, and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself down. “Then what’s the point in fighting it?”
“It’s wrong. What I did to you, you’ll never be the same again and it’s all my fault. I don’t know if I could bring myself to look at you everyday knowing that I hurt you so badly. Back then, I didn’t even have remorse. I-I…”
“It’s okay! You’ve changed, time and time again, you’ve shown me that you’re not the same man you used to be. You are so brave and caring and considerate. You care about me and all the other villagers. You changed, and I love the man you’ve become.”
“Does that mean you can forgive me for what I’ve done?”
“I would forgive you a thousand times over.”
“Y/N…”
“You’re the man of my dreams. Please, don’t deprive me of that.”
When his eyes met hers, he wanted to melt away in her arms. She really didn’t care about what he had done, she just wanted him for who he worked so hard to become, the man that Naruto pushed him to be. She raised his arms, and found himself walking right into them. Her head hit his shoulder, and he let out a long shaky breath. “I love you, Y/N.”
“I love you, too, Gaara. I truly do.”
And when she pressed her lips to his, he found himself falling deeper in love with her. She was so soft and gentle in his arms, against his skin, flush and warm like he’d always imagined. He never really expected himself to find someone, not after all he’d done and the man he made himself out to be. He never imagined the kiss of a person on his lips, or the feeling of someone’s arms wound around his body. He only imagined pain.
Yet, here she was. The most forgiving angel in the entire world.
“Y/N L/N, what the hell is this? Dammit, can’t you do this somewhere else, you foolish girl?” a voice called through the door, and when they peered between the curtains, the sight of her mother and father walking up the path to the front door, grocery bags piled in their arms. Her mother’s face was quite red, a small smile gracing her mouth, while her father was another story. Completely exhausted with everything.
Gaara pulled away quickly, his head ducking down so his eyes only met the floorboards. He was Kazekage, why was he so afraid of some old man and his paper sack full of rice? He wasn’t completely sure. All he knew was that Y/N stood there with that beautiful smile, her cheeks puffing out from embarrassment. “It’s okay. They aren’t angry. You might want to head on back home, though.”
The elderly couple opened the door, and he found himself face to face with her mother who smiled, corners of her eyes crinkling. “It’s about time, you sweet boy.”
Her father roared, feeling himself growing hotter with every second that passed. “About time for what, Rise? This man to come in here and violate our daughter-”
“Shush, dad. It was all me this time,” Y/N piped up from the back, which only fueled the fire.
“Of course! You’ve always been so promiscuous, Y/N. How could I expect any less?” he rolled his eyes. “And about you, Kazekage boy.”
“Be gentle, Tanaka.”
“Instead of hurting my daughter, I expect you to protect her as if your life depended on it, you hear me? I won’t have someone coming into my house and hurting my children,” he demanded, and Gaara could only nod. He had never been in a situation quite as terrifying as this one, he had to admit. He felt like he had been caught in the middle of some heinous act, even if it was only kissing the object of his affections. He was more than embarrassed, he thought he might crumble into a million tiny pieces.
He replied, “Of course. I’d never let anything hurt Y/N, sir.”
“That’s what I thought. Now get out of here. You can see your little girlfriend some other time, she has chores.”
“Dad!”
“Enough.”
Gaara nodded to the family of three before opening the door and walking through the threshold. “Goodbye, Gaara!” As he peered back over his shoulder, he was once again stunned by her smiling face, her small hand waving to him as he shut the door behind him. He felt his heart beating faster as he walked down the street back to the Kazekage’s mansion.
Has life always felt this good? He wasn’t too sure. He felt high, like he was floating above the ground with each footstep. Maybe giving the good life, giving Y/N, a chance, was going to work out in his favor. He could feel happiness creeping up his chest and rumbling through his stomach. His cheeks turned red at the thought of his now girlfriend in her home getting scolded by her father, and he couldn’t help but imagine the next day when she would report to his office to pick up paperwork and maybe he could swipe another kiss.
When he walked into his home, he brushed by his brother whose brows perked up upon seeing his expression. “What’s got you looking so whipped, Gaara?”
“It’s nothing, Kankuro.”
“Y/N, right?”
“Maybe.”
His brother’s loud laughter rung out in the empty hall. He patted his brother’s back with a firm hand, practically congratulating him for getting a girlfriend. It was strange in that way, thinking about it like that. He now had a girlfriend to hug and hold, to keep tightly clasped in his heart for as long as she would allow.
Life was too good. He slept better that night than he had in a long while. All because of this one person who’d wormed their way so easily into his heart.
A/N: secret admirer Yamato fic. said that this one would be short, but i once again have gotten carried away.Here is the ending. It should be cute. thanks for reading.
Word count: 3200
It had been a long day at the bakery, full of kneading breads and selling cupcakes and just generally doing some busy work around the store. Life was uneventful, except for the moments she arrived at her apartment in the evenings just as the sun was setting, and she’d find a new gift lying on the ground or a note taped to her door.
It was nice, having these little surprises either at the beginning or ending of her day. In fact, she was growing all too used to the confidence boost the sweet love letters gave her.
Apparently, she was beautiful. She was strong and kind and generous and funny, and so many other things all stated and elaborated on in these notes. She was high off those letters. They made her feel just a bit better about herself. Even after long days of work where her hair was falling out its tie and her skin dusted with flour and chocolate frosting smeared across her dirty apron, she still felt on top of the world.
Every day she grew more and more curious as to who was leaving those notes lying around. It really could be anyone, even someone she barely knew. In that case, she had no idea what she would do. Yes, the person in question seemed nice, but she didn’t exactly feel comfortable dating someone she didn’t know or like.
And if it was someone she knew, what would she do then? Could they stay friends after all this mess? She would try, but would it be too awkward for them to be around her after spilling their feelings over and over again?
Just thinking about the outcomes of this secret admirer situation was overwhelming and she avoided the thought. She would just enjoy the acts of admiration from the comfort of her own home.
It had actually been three days since the last gift was left outside her door and she was beginning to grow excited. If he was gone for another few days, surely she could go around and figure out who was on a mission for the entire week. The turning point was almost here, she thought. Only a few more days until she could find out. It was both scary and exhilarating to think about.
As she rounded the corner to her apartment, walking up the metal stairs, she expected nothing at her door once again. That only made sense. Definitely not a person standing there, no way.
She certainly did not expect to see Kakashi standing at her doorstep, holding a bouquet of flowers. Just as quick as she had seen, she ducked back behind the wall, hand pressed to her mouth to shush her gasp.
What the fuck…
That was definitely him, she confirmed in her mind. The same white hair, mask, jounin vest, everything. Her heart raced and she felt panic creeping up her neck. How could this be? Kakashi was her friend, and only her friend. She thought that had been established a long time ago. There was nothing intimate going on between them, and she never anticipated there would be.
She waited until he was gone before she walked to her apartment and picked up the flowers and note. She swore that this wasn’t Kakashi’s handwriting, but now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe it was and she was just remembering wrong. Why was she even questioning herself though? Right in front of her eyes, she saw Kakashi leaving flowers at her doorstep. The answer was clear as day.
Kakashi was her secret admirer.
The more she thought about it, it made a little sense. He always accepted her free baked goods, but she always just assumed he didn’t feel like buying his own bread. And he walked her home from the store on more than one occasion. He was nice to her every time they hung out. All of those things she always just assumed were normal friendly things to Kakashi, but she found herself questioning his every move now.
Oh man. Oh shit. How would she even go about confronting him? He was such a cool and collected guy, she would feel awkward rejecting him. Would he be angry? Another thought crossed her mind for a moment. Maybe she shouldn’t reject him. He was a very smart and kind man, and he always knew what to say even in the worst of moments. He was reliable and strong and forgiving.
Maybe she should just go for it.
Yeah, she cared for Yamato a lot, but why keep trying for someone completely unattainable when another guy she got along with was ready to give her the entire world? From the way he spoke in his letters, he liked her for a long time and intended to make her his long term girlfriend. It broke her heart that the man she spent years longing after didn’t feel the same way, so much time wasted. It really sucked.
She had been lonely for so long that the thought was more than tempting.
It was all way too much to think about.
She entered her apartment that night with a lot to ponder before she fell asleep, tossing and turning with the knowledge that Kakashi was in love with her. How could she sleep knowing that? She would have to talk to someone else first before deciding what to do about everything. She would wait for Yamato to come back and help her out. He’d know what to do.
_______
It had been days since she found out about Kakashi and this entire mess. Yamato was due to be back today, and she was counting the minutes. She already asked off work for the rest of the day so she could get all her business sorted out. There was just too much to do and she couldn’t wait until night time to get it all done.
Awkwardly enough, on her way to see Yamato, she ran right into Kakashi outside the grocery store. He was carrying quite a big bag of food items, and she nearly knocked them all right out of his arms. She yelped, jumping back about two feet to keep her distance. Being so close to him felt nerve-wracking.
“Y/N, what’s up?” he asked, his eyes scanning her up and down. “You look nervous.“
“Me, nervous? Psssshh, of course not. Why would I be nervous?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I asked.”
She stood there for a silent moment, her eyes drawn right on his face. He didn’t look different. He looked like his normal, cool self, definitely not like a man in love with her. He was damn good at hiding how he felt. She rubbed the back of her neck, her eyes averted now to the wall beside her. “So, uh, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing much, Just got back from a mission and I’m going to be home for a few days so decided to get some groceries.”
“Oh, really? How long were you on that mission?”
“It was only 2 days.”
“I see…”
Why was she asking? She saw him. There was no way he was on a mission that night. He was right there. Maybe all this questioning was a sign that she wished this was all some sort of mistake, that it wasn’t Kakashi at her doorstep, or maybe they were pranking her. A cruel and unlikely prank, but still, it was a possibility.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he questioned and he leaned in just a bit closer to get a look at her face. The woman found herself getting flustered. Quickly, she pressed her hands to his chest and pushed him away.
“I’m fine. Just stay over there.”
“Yeah, you’re definitely not fine but whatever you say.”
She bit her lip, not knowing how to diffuse the situation. He was right, as usual. Things were definitely not okay, she just wasn’t ready to face the reality that he loved her, not here in front of the grocery store in the broad daylight. That was meant to be private. She couldn’t reject him like that, it would be humiliating.
“It’s nothing, Kakashi. I’m just…getting sick is all, so you shouldn’t get so close.”
But he persisted. “Sick with what?”
“I don’t know, the flu?”
“Hmm,” he nodded, but his eyes were all knowing and she found herself wanting to slither away on the ground and hide in an alley for a while. “You’re on your way to see Tenzo, right?” How? How could he have known that? She swore, this man was getting on her last nerve with his smartass attitude.
“Yes. How could you tell?”
He smirked through his mask, shifting the weight of his grocery bag to his left side. “Well, he just got home today, and the only reason you’d be walking that fast is so you could see him,” he replied, and she nodded grumpily, her arms moving to cross over her chest. “I’ll let you go. He should be leaving the Hokage Tower soon, I just saw him heading in that direction.”
She thanked him before continuing on her path to go find Yamato. She was actually glad to be done talking to Kakashi. It felt way too weird talking to him knowing all the things he was secretly thinking about her. Plus, he was getting annoying with all the questions. She just wanted to find her friend and talk through her options.
It saddened her, but Yamato was never going to like her back and maybe Kakashi was the best choice for her. In this town, if you got to 25 without getting married you were pretty weird, especially if you weren’t a shinobi. Villagers get married off so quickly, it’s just part of the small town nature of it all. Parents want grandchildren, and it’s easier to live off a two person income. People got married young.
Societal pressure would definitely be taken off her back, that’s for sure. It just wasn’t exactly as she had planned. One sided love.
Yamato was indeed walking home from the Hokage Tower when she spotted him after having wallowed in her own thoughts for the entire walk over.
“Yamato!” she called, running up to him. He stopped in his tracks, feeling himself growing warm again. She was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her, granted that was only a week ago. He wanted to give her a hug, having missed her for the last 7 days and all, but he refrained. He had no idea how she would react. Knowing her kind nature, she would hug him back, but then what would she think? He liked her? It was too embarrassing.
He looked down at the young woman and smiled. “Y/N, did you need something?”
“Yes, it’s really important. Do you think we can sit down somewhere more private?”
Oh God. Whatever she wanted to talk about, it couldn’;t be anything good. She wasn’t smiling, and normally she would have work right now. She wasn’t going to take off work for nothing. He nodded, and she silently dragged him over to the tea shop, her eyes flickering around to make sure Kakashi hadn’t trailed behind her. She took a seat at one of the tables and motioned for him to sit across from her.
He did as she asked, sitting cross legged on the floor, his hands secretly being wrung over and over again under the table. “So what did you need to talk about?”
“I know who my secret admirer is.”
Here it goes…
“Kakashi!”
“Wait, what?” His eyes shot open, and he froze. He was not expecting that, not at all. How could he? Yamato was Y/N’s secret admirer, it didn’t make sense. He made sure Kakashi knew to leave the flowers on her doorstep in secret, there was no way he would mess up something so simple. He was an S-rank ninja for a reason.
She nodded, her eyes almost as wide as his. “Yeah, I know. I couldn’t believe it when I saw him.”
“What did you see?”
“When I was coming home from work, I saw him outside my door with a bunch of roses and a note. It was in the same handwriting as all the other love notes, so I know it’s the same guy. I-I just can’t believe it’s Kakashi.”
Yamato knew he should have confessed right then instead of asking, but he couldn’t keep himself from knowing the truth. “Well, how do you feel about him? Are you going to accept?”
She sighed, her eyes trailing down to the side. “That’s the hard part. His words, in those letters, they made me feel so special and loved. If Kakashi feels that way about me, surely he can make me happy for a long time,” she told him softly, and he could feel his heart tearing in half with every second that passed. He put in all this effort, and for what? For his friend to steal the girl right from him. He felt a terrible pain in his stomach, and he had to keep the discomfort from reaching his face.
“So, you’re attracted to him?” His worst fear. He knew the ladies liked Kakashi. He was suave and handsome. It would make sense if Y/N liked him. Who didn’t like Kakashi?
His own self-esteem was diminishing. Out of all the outcomes he had thought up in his head on how this confession would go, he never expected it to end up this way.
She shook her head. Carefully, she explained, “It’s just that I’ve loved someone else for a long time, and I’m not ready to give up on them. I know I should, but I just can’t.”
It was time to tell her. His hopes were low, but her confession left him feeling like there was a chance. He wasn’t planning on telling her any time soon, not until he was positive she liked him back, or even wait for her to figure it out herself so she could come to him. He really wasn’t one for expressing his feelings like this. He was Anbu, that wasn’t their way of life.
He was scared. Scared of the rejection and then what would follow. The fallout and the avoidance. The dissolving of their entire friendship. Yamato was afraid of what this one little woman thought of him, and it took everything in him to muster up his next words.
“Y/N, your secret admirer is not Kakashi, it’s me. It’s been me the whole time.”
Her lips quickly fell into a frown, and he knew that wasn’t a good sign. She tilted her head to the side and asked, her brows furrowed deeply, “How could that be? I saw Kakashi with my own eyes.”
“It’s because I asked him to fake it for me until I got back from my mission,” he groaned, “You said you were going to wait until the next time there was a big break in the gifts coming and then figure out what shinobi it was; well, I was just on a week long mission and I didn’t want you figuring it out so soon. I gave Kakashi some flowers and a note and asked him to leave it there sometime in the middle of my mission, to throw you off my scent.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I guess I should have anticipated Kakashi being late and you finding out, but I hadn’t.”
“Yamato-” Y/N felt relief bubble up in her chest. If Yamato was really her secret admirer, then she had nothing to worry about. It seemed things had worked out too perfectly in her favor. She loved him, wanted nothing more than for him to reciprocate her feelings. And he had. He had spent countless hours planning little surprises for her in the hopes that it would make her happy.
Her heart felt over the moon with happiness. No one had ever went out of their way for her, not like this. But Yamato was different.
“Y/N, I care about you. I care about you a lot, as you can tell from all the letters I wrote for you.” He paused, his eyes rolling to stare up at the ceiling, too nervous to meet her own which were filled with shock. “I know we live completely different lives, and I know you’d rather be with that other guy, but that night you got drunk and you told me you wanted a man to sweep you off your feet and that you were lonely, I thought I’d try.”
“I got drunk and told you I was desperate for a man? When…When did this happen?!” Admittedly, she felt a shot to the gut at that one. How embarrassing. Perhaps, that wasn’t the first thing she could have got from his confession, but she needed to know.
“I don’t know. A month ago?”
“Damn, I’m so embarrassed.”
He groaned once again, covering his eyes with his hand and mumbling, “Yeah, me too, Y/N.”
“Why are you embarrassed?” she asked, noticing his red face and neck. “Yamato, I want to be with you. You are the other guy.”
“You really don’t have to lie to save my feelings.”
“I’m not lying. Admittedly, when the first gift you left was a bonsai, I immediately thought it could be you because ‘tree’, but I couldn’t be sure so I waited. I wanted it to be you the entire time, but I just couldn’t see someone as strong as you falling for a simple baker. I thought you’d be into other shinobi. I mean, they are more interesting than little old me.”
He reached over the table to grab her hands, and immediately he cringed. All this drama was making his hands sweat, and he didn’t want her to think of him as the sweaty hands guy. He scolded himself immediately after having the thought. She’s not gonna care, don’t be so nervous. Tell her how you feel.
“Stop. Y/N, all I care about is you. You are the most beautiful, smart, kind, and interesting woman I’ve ever met. You’re amazing. You work so hard at the bakery. You aren’t simple at all.”
“Yama…”
“Please, just be with me. It took me a lot of courage to tell you how I feel, just say yes and accept that I love you for you.”
“O-okay. I’m so happy. I just can’t believe this is happening.”
A smile grew on his lips, and she let a goofy one take over her own expression. He never looked this happy, and she realized it was all because of her. Her heart jumped in her chest, and she squeezed his hands, feeling herself growing warm with happiness. His sweet words filled her ears and she laughed. “I promise I will treat you like a princess. I will not let you down.”
“Okay. I promise to treat you like my knight in shining armor.” His heart fluttered again. She was the one for him. He was sure of it. His cold exterior had grown soft and warm because of her, and he loved it. He loved her.
“Deal.”
They ordered their tea and sat their just relishing in the fact that for once, everything worked out for the awkward, terribly lightweight baker and her anxious, ungracefully stupid shinobi that she was hoping for all along.
A/N: hi guys. Yamato is your secret admirer and you are desperate to find out who’s been leaving all these gifts at your doorstep. Civilian reader. Will be two parts, and since i just found out i have the coronavirus and cant leave the house, i’ll be putting out the second part very soon.
Ps i headcanon that yamato would be very shy and awkward with his crush. i also think that when he is nervous he definitely has really sweaty hands. idk thats just the vibe i get from him lol. please enjoy.
Word count: 4500
Y/N walked down the street after a long day of working in the bakery, kneading dough and icing cakes and sweets. It was a great job, and she really enjoyed the company of the two elderly owners. In her arms was another small picnic basket filled with sourdoughs and garlic loaves and cinnamon raisin buns. Those leftovers served as her breakfast, lunch, and dinner most days and it saved a lot of money on groceries.
Sometimes, she gifted the bread to friends and family though, like tonight.
As she walked the bustling streets, people walking home from work for the night, she noticed a couple of familiar faces sitting in the windows of a nearby restaurant. Feeling a little social, she walked into the restaurant and turned the corner, walking through the tables and past other booths full of people talking and drinking. It was busy tonight in Konoha, everyone getting ready for the weekend.
She came to a stop beside their table, and shifted so her basket rested in the slight curve of her hip. With her free hand she waved to the men, a small smile gracing her lips.
“Kakashi, Yamato,” she chirped, “I saw you guys in the window on my way home from work and thought I’d stop in to say hello.”
“Y/N. What a pleasant surprise.” Kakashi hummed, peering over his glass of golden liquid at his friend, who he could tell was struggling to figure out what to say or do. Yamato wasn’t normally nervous; he was very cool headed. How else would he become such an important Anbu member? But around Y/N, this woman with flour dusted in her hair and the smell of cinnamon and chocolate on her clothes, he crumbled. Just that smell alone could make Yamato lose his composure. And Kakashi knew that very well. “As a matter of fact, we were just talking about you.”
Yamato coughed on his drink, covering his mouth with his arm to keep from spitting up on the table. Even if they were just talking about her, it was completely uncalled for for Kakashi to stab him in the back like that. He turned to face the young woman who looked down at him with curiosity in her eyes.
“Really? What about?” she questioned, raising a brow.
He averted his eyes to the table again where his hand rested clutching at the glass. “We were just discussing the bakery,” he explained sheepishly, a hand going to rub the back of his neck. He felt the stress coming on, and sweat was beginning to gather on his palms. He felt ill, and more importantly, upset with the friend sitting directly across from him, smirking under that damn mask.
What an evil bastard.
“Mind if I join you guys? I could definitely use a drink.” She motioned to the seat next to Yamato, and he scooted closer to the wall to make room for her. She made sure her basket was sealed and secure before reaching over the table to Kakashi. “Can you sit this next to you? I don’t wanna take up the whole table.”
“No problem.”
She slid into the seat beside Yamato, and he realized just how small their table really was. The chair was clearly made for one person, or maybe two small people. They were just inches away. He could literally feel the heat of her thigh beside his. He was losing his mind, he was sure of it. There was absolutely no reason to act or think this way just because of a woman, a little baker from the village. No reason. It was inappropriate.
He took a deep breath and sipped on his drink. Everything was cool. Y/N L/N was cool.
“What kind of goods are you bringing home tonight?” Yamato asked calmly.
“Uh, lets see. A sourdough loaf and a garlic rosemary loaf. Also, I have about eight cinnamon buns in there,” she listed off the top of her head, “Why? You wanna take some home with you, because that’s fine. I’m not gonna eat all of it.”
“No, not this time.”
“You, Kakashi?”
“Yeah, I’ll take whatever.” It was a free meal for the next day? How could he say no to that?
The waitress came around, and Y/N ordered a tall glass of some sweet drink, something she knew wouldn’t taste like shit but would get her all warm and cozy quick, fruit juice covering up the taste of poison. “So, what were you guys talking about before I came around? I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”
“It’s good you came around, actually. We could use a woman’s opinion here.” Yamato glared at Kakashi, pleading with everything he had for the copy nin to just leave it alone. Kakashi was set in his goals though, and pushed forward with what he was saying. “It’s about Tenzo.”
An even brighter smile grew on her lips, one full of mischief and curiosity. “Oohoho? I see. What’s got you men stuck?” She loved to gossip, it was just something so interesting in her mundane life. Surely, it wasn’t as interesting to shinobi who almost die all the time and always have something to do, but for a village girl who goes home every night to read and eat bread, and then go to work where she just makes and sells said bread, a bit of juicy personal information really intrigued her.
“It’s honestly not a big deal-”
“Our boy here, he’s got a crush.”
Her eyes widened and suddenly, she felt the urge to down even more of her drink. He was interested in someone? She never expected that. He was always so quiet and calm, and kept to himself. He didn’t seem like the type to ever care about someone in that way. She sighed, taking a long sip on her drink, which tasted like peaches and oranges. At least it was sweet enough to help her curb the impending sadness.
Maybe she was stupid for it, but she cared for Yamato. He was such a sweet and kind man, so earnest and gentle. He was everything good about her mornings, when he would walk in and ask for the same hot cross bun to start his day. He would smile and compliment the cake decorating she was working on, and tell her about his missions and what he had to do for the day.
Perhaps Y/N had the tiniest of crushes on Yamato. It was something she would never reveal to anyone else, but it was true. She couldn’t deny herself that fact.
Kakashi stared at the woman, gauging her reaction to the statement. From the way she immediately went to sip away half of the drink in her glass, and the way her shoulders curled in on themselves, he could guess how she was feeling. He wasn’t usually a fan of meddling in other people’s business, but he was beginning to feel tired of Yamato complaining day in and day out about how he could never get the girl or express his feelings. He was afraid of rejection, as sad as that might be.
He was just there to give them a push in the right direction.
“I see.”
“What do you think he should do? What do the civilian girls like?”
This crush was just another civilian. It would be one thing if he fell in love with a kunoichi, someone she would never be able to compete with, but the thought of him choosing another normal woman over her, the envy practically oozed from her pores. What did this other girl have that Y/N didn’t?
Y/N ordered another drink when the waitress walked by. And then another after she drank the second one. Might as well get more down and drown out these jealous thoughts.
Meanwhile, she listed off things that random women normally like when men do for them, things she didn’t really care about like chocolates and asking them out to dinner and giving them stuffed animals. Boring things. Things they all already knew. Kakashi agreed that the advice was kinda bland, and he could have come up with that easily.
Yamato eyed her down nervously as she practically chugged the rest of her drink. The woman wasn’t a big drinker, just a couple innocent cocktails here or there, never with the intention of getting drunk.
“You okay, Y/N?”
“Yes, I’m perfectly fine,” she told him smoothly. “Anyway, I’m not done telling you all about us village girls.”
The third drink came by and she sighed, taking another long sip. At least it tasted good, that made it easy to drink and drink and drink.
“Maybe you should slow down.”
“Maybe you should worry about yourself. I’m grown. I can handle myself, Yamato.” He felt a pang in his chest at her sharp words, ones that he’d never really heard directed toward him. She scolded Kakashi on the daily for being a pervert, but only kind words met Yamato’s ears previously. “Anyway, about this girl. Have you tried getting her anything as a gift? The things I listed before? Love notes? That sorta thing?”
He shook his head. “Well, no. I haven’t tried anything yet.”
“That’s the thing about you, Tenzo. You’re so modest. If you want the girl, you need to go in and get her. You need to show her what she means to you, since you can’t bring yourself to just outright tell her.”
“The whole bold displays of affection aren’t my thing.”
She hummed, her head lolling from side to side as she twirled the straw of her drink in between her fingers. “Maybe you should try some roundabout approach since you’re so scared of rejection. Send her anonymous letters and gifts, give her little clues that it’s you and see how she reacts.”
“Like a secret admirer?“
“Exactly! That’s sooo romantic. I wish some guy would do that shit for me.”
Kakashi raised a brow. “Oh, really?”
“Of course. I’m almost 27 and I’ve never had a long lasting relationship. I just want some guy to really, I don’t know, just love me. Love who I am, not hook up with me for my body or-or only pretend to like me for coupons on bread,” she complained, quite loudly as well. “Fuck those guys and their bread discounts…”
“Y/N-”
“I’d suggest you do something like that for your crush. Make her feel like you really care about her mind and soul.” Y/N clutched her hand over her heart and squeezed the front of her dress. “So many men nowadays act like horny teenagers, and us ladies are sick of it.”
She really did not need to go into such detail, and Yamato could tell she was drinking too much. Y/N would never say these things aloud if she were completely in her right mind. He felt rude just sitting there letting her rant on and on, exposing her own feelings to the table. But at the same time, he was grateful to know what she wanted in a lover. She never really let on what her romantic life was like, other than single for the most part.
That is what he and Kakashi were discussing before she came around. He was desperate to sweep her off her feet and woo her, to make revealing his feelings easier. Kakashi told him to just go to the bakery and tell her right then and there, but that was just too bold. He wasn’t going to go in without a plan, it was irrational.
“Yamato, I’m telling you, if this woman rejects you, she’s fucking stupid. You’re a catch. You and Kashi over there, both of you could get any woman you want, and that’s a fact.” the woman waved her hand to emphasize her point, only to knock the rest of her fourth drink over into her lap, sticky syrup soaking into her apron and through to her skirt. “Oh man.”
“I think it’s time for you to head home, little miss Y/N,” Kakashi chimed in, “This is exactly why we don’t bring you to bars, you know.”
“Shush. I am fine.”
Yamato sighed, motioning with his hands for her to move to the edge of the seat. He rolled his eyes at her words, knowing she was talking out the ass. “Yeah, yeah. Just get up, Y/N. I’m taking you home.”
Both men were surprised when she lifted her hand and pushed him away from her. Her glare was intense, anger behind those eyes. “No! Not you. I want Kakashi to walk me home.” The man was taken aback by the harshness in her tone. She was normally calm tempered, but her head was spinning and she was obviously growing moody.
“That’s fine by me. Yamato, you’ll pick up the bill for us and uh, clean this mess, right?” Kakashi smirked as he slid out from the booth and picked up her bag of baked goods. She followed suit, climbing out of her seat and grabbing onto the shinobi’s arm tightly. He really couldn’t care any less about her nonsense. It had been so long since they became friends, he’d seen her in every mood imaginable, and much drunker than this. He’s walked her home more than a few times in their past years.
“Curse you, cheap-ass.”
“Gotta go.”
With that, the white haired man walked out the restaurant with a woman in tow. They lived in the same direction, so he started down the street as she stumbled after him, tripping occasionally on pebbles. He felt bad for his friend, really. But the answer was clear as day now. Y/N cared for Yamato a lot more than she let on. It was just up to one of them to make a move. He couldn’t do everything for them.
She tripped along beside him, letting her head fall against his shoulder a few times. Her eyes slid up to the man’s masked face, and he felt her hands begin to quiver a bit around his arm, just a tiny bit, but it was still there. Those little, very-telling, tremors.
“What’s wrong, Y/N?” he asked gently, knowing she would immediately spill whatever was stuck on her mind.
“Kashi, why does Tenzo want some other village girl?” she questioned, her cheeks puffing out and her eyes getting watery with tears. “Why doesn’t he want me? I want him so badly, it hurts right here.” she placed her free hand over her stomach and gagged. “I might throw up, it hurts so much.”
“Trust me, it’s gonna be okay,” he hushed, a tiny smile on his lips. He didn’t want to reveal too much to her, but it was just so amusing pulling the strings like this. Two of his friends, one a subordinate and the other a sneaky baker, falling for each other right in front of him. With all the work piling up, this was definitely a refreshing take.
“Also, you shouldn’t throw up. It’ll burn your throat, you know.”
She nodded, and just clutched onto her stomach as they made their way down the narrow alleyways toward her small apartment. He unlocked the door for her when she struggled to fit the key into the tiny hole that blurred together with everything else. He was a good friend, she thought, and made a mental note to thank him next time she saw him. Well, she tried to make a mental note, but when her body hit the mattress in the corner of her small studio, she found herself drifting away.
__________
God, her head hurt so badly she thought her skull was cracking open right then and there, as she lifted her head from her pillow. Light shined in through the window only to make things worse than before. She looked around the room and noticed that her coat was hung up properly on the hook and her shoes were sitting by the door. Her basket rested atop her counter.
Most importantly, on her nightstand sat a glass of water and a couple pills, ready for her to take the moment she woke up. Kakashi or Yamato must have walked her home and put her to bed. They were very nice men, she enjoyed having them as friends, she just worried she had made a drunken fool of herself last night in front of them. She rarely drank heavily, for that reason. She couldn’t even remember what happened, just that she met them at the restaurant and then the rest fell empty in her mind, little images blending together until she couldn’t decipher a thing that happened. She was more than ashamed.
How could she lose control of herself so casually, she wondered. She never even wanted to drink, much less enough to give her this searing headache. Something must have happened last night that influenced her decisions. Maybe she had a drinking contest with Kakashi like that one time before. If so, that was completely uncalled for on the man’s part. He knew her tolerance.
Nevertheless, she needed to get ready for work. A hangover wasn’t enough to heed the workings of the bakery.
She took the pills, and threw off her covers, walking over to her counter to take out one of the cinnamon rolls, taking a big bite to curb her hunger pains. After taking a moment to compose herself, she got ready for work. If she was late, she knew the owners would be forgiving, but she still felt bad regardless. She was going to walk in looking like a complete disaster.
As she headed out her door that morning, she stumbled on something sitting right at the foot of her doorstep on the welcome mat. Resting there, in a tiny little ceramic pot, stood a bonsai tree, trimmed and cared for perfectly. Her eyes scanned the area for who could have set it there, but met only empty space.
Hesitantly, she picked it up and brought it into her home. There was no note attached, nothing to signal who’d given it to her. Just a little tree that she would put on her window sill. It was strange, she had to admit that, to receive an anonymous gift at such an hour. She’d have to ask her friends about it later on to see if one of them had given it to her, for reasons she didn’t know.
But as the days went by, and those days turned into weeks, she continued to receive gifts every few days. More tiny trees in pots, sometimes flowers in little glass vases. None of them at first had anything attached until the most recent piece which when she picked it up to take into her home, a folded piece of paper sat beneath the vase. She made sure to pick it and put it in her apron to read on her break when she went to work. She didn’t have the time when she woke up only about 20 minutes before she was due at her job.
She was more than grateful for the little garden she was accumulating on her window sill, the beautiful flowers and trees somehow surviving despite her little knowledge of taking care of them. She stopped by a flower store in town to get some fertilizer just to keep them alive. It would be a shame if they died since someone was being so kind as to give them to her.
With her boring life, the flowers brought a smile to her face and a warmth in her heart that she hadn’t felt before. Regardless of who was leaving the items there, she felt like she was important to someone. Some person was taking time out of their day to show they cared about her.
Truthfully, she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t wished it was Yamato leaving her gifts. She’d been attracted to the man for quite some time, ever since they met really. He was just so strong and brave, and awkward in a cute kind of way. He was truly the only man of her affections, and she could only dream she was the object of his as well.
It was more than unlikely though. He was a strong ninja of the leaf. The chances of someone that amazing wanting to be with someone as simple as the town baker were lower than she wanted to admit. He most likely had his eyes set on some gorgeous kunoichi like Shizune or Kurenai. Someone he could relate to, really.
It was embarrassing to even admit she had a crush on him. It made her feel so tiny and weak, knowing that she wasn’t his ideal.
So she pushed that thought from her mind. Yamato would never be interested in her, and he most certainly not the one leaving her little notes and plants.
What she did know was that this person was a shinobi. Maybe not Yamato, but they were definitely a shinobi. She set up a trap, at least one she thought a normal person would fall for. Right before her door, she set up a tiny trip wire made of floss at the perfect level for someone to pull loose when they walked up to leave a gift on her welcome mat. Her room was at the very end of the hallway, so there was no way anyone else except her secret admirer was the one to set off the trap. Any normal person without the high perception of a shinobi would set off the trap and she would be able to narrow down the results to a civilian.
Only, the morning after she set up the trip wire, when she opened her door, there sat another bouquet of flowers, as well as an untripped strip of floss.
This person had to be a shinobi. She concluded. It was the only explanation in her mind, desperate to find out who the mystery person was all this time.
As she walked the streets that afternoon after the store had closed, her eyes honed in on Yamato, who stood next to a vegetable stand picking up some groceries. Immediately, she turned on her heel and cornered him between the squash and the sweet potatoes.
“Yamato, I need to talk to you. It’s urgent. Do you mind?” she practically demanded, and his eyes widened. He did not expect such an abrupt conversation between them. He shifted awkwardly to rest his grocery bag in the crook of his elbow and lean on his left side, arms crossed over his chest.
He knew what she wanted to talk about. It was about those gifts that he had been giving her. It was just a matter of whether she had figured out it was him or not, that was the question. He was kinda hoping she didn’t know yet. He was not ready to face what came after the reveal, rejection or otherwise. He really hadn’t thought it that far out yet. How could he. Just thinking up love notes and what plants to give her next was more than enough to worry about.
But damn, when he looked down at her, hair dusted with flour from a days work, a smudge of cake batter still on her forearm, apron a complete mess, he wanted to cave and tell her everything. She was just so beautiful, so clumsily perfect he couldn’t help but lose his train of thought. He swore he’d never seen a woman more perfect than her, not even Naruto’s sexy jutsu could come close to this girl.
He found his ears heating up and no doubt turning red at the thoughts running through his mind, and he was quick to smother them down. He was not irrationally emotional. Hell, he was ANBU, he should be able to control his emotions down to a tee.
“Yes, Y/N?”
“I have a secret admirer, and I know they are a shinobi.”
He felt himself growing nervous. How had she deduced that? “Ah, that’s definitely exciting for you. How do you know it’s a shinobi?”
“I know because I set up a tripwire last night and the person didn’t set it off, so I know they are coordinated enough to avoid it. This isn’t just some random village boy. This is someone skilled.”
“Y/N, he could have very well just avoided the trap with his natural gait, don’t you think?” he tried to reason with her, try to get her off his trail. Admittedly, he thought she was quite clever for setting up the trap. When he walked over it the night before, he swore it was just a spider web. He didn’t even consider the possibility of a trap in his way.
If only he could throw her off his scent. He needed more time. He couldn’t confess to her now. It was too abrupt, too sudden. He would probably die.
“No, I’m convinced it’s a shinobi.”
Shit. “Well, what are you going to do now?”
She thought for a short moment on what she was going to say, tapping her foot on the ground beside her. Her eyes widened and she smiled at the thought that ran through her mind. Of course, it was so obvious. “The gifts come sporadically, so I know that the shinobi can’t leave gifts when they are on missions. Next time there is a long break in gifts, I will just ask around to figure out who has been on a mission for a while. Bam, I’ve got my answer. It’s foolproof.”
She really had thought this through more than him. She was too good, and he felt himself panicking. He had a weeklong mission in 3 days, and if she asked anyone, they would tell her it was him. He felt moisture gather up at his brow, and he internally cursed his situation. He had to find some way out of this mess without her figuring out it was him.
“Yeah, that could definitely work. I hope it all works out for you, Y/N,” he lied through his teeth.
“I know. I’m just smart like that, aren’t I?”
“You sure are,” he muttered, but honestly, he just wanted to go off and find Kakashi. He needed to talk to him. His eyes slid away from Y/N and he sighed. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you around, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course. Don’t forget to stop by before your next mission to get some of our special food pills, okay? I just made a new batch and you can try them free of charge. Anything for a fella as handsome as yourself.” She laughed, shifting her weight to press a hand to her hip.
Jeez.There was no good reason for her looking so adorable. Calling him handsome as well? It was all too much for his heart to handle. Needless to say, he felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t walk away right then. With that, he simply nodded before patting her shoulder. “Like I said, gotta go.”
“Oh, okay. See you around.”
“See you.”
He walked away quickly, heading in the direction of Kakashi’s apartment, knowing he just had to do something about the mess he was currently in, and ways to avoid the inevitable. His heart was racing so fast he thought he might be having a heart attack. How could he be swayed so easily by a pretty face. He had no idea, but he really wanted it to stop. For the sake of his sanity, he needed to learn to be calm around her.
He would tell her soon, get all this off his chest and share his true feelings. He just needed a bit more time.
A/N: Hi guys! Thank you so much for keeping up with this story. Here is the final part, I hope you enjoy!
Word count: 4500
______
Kakashi could safely say that he and Y/N had become friends over the following months, right after he decided to let her back into his life. They went to eat at restaurants together, and he spent time reading in her bookstore when he wasn’t off on a mission. After his missions, she was there waiting in her storefront waiting for him, regardless how dirty and worn down he was, she would hug him tight to her chest and thank him for coming back home safe.
Things almost felt normal between them; the affection felt so good. Sometimes, he felt like he could just melt away at the soft touch of her fingers against his skin. They weren’t exactly the same as before, her hugs and touches here and there, but it was good enough for him. If anything, they were more than good enough, he longed for them.
The pair had more time together than ever, with her dreams coming in surplus as the time passed, more and more little things popping up each night. Any time he was home in his apartment, she would run over that evening to jump into his bed and tell him the latest information she had in her dreams.
He always explained things the best he could, and she listened so intently, repeating certain things so she could remember them easier. It was a little difficult for her to process so much information at one time, and she often forgot things he taught her, but he never got frustrated. Whenever she would mess up, she’d just smile and ask him to please explain it again and he would, making sure to emphasize the important parts. It felt like they had all the time in the world together when in their little bubble.
It was so soothing. He found himself slipping back in love with her so deeply, each day they had together only furthering the inevitable. It didn’t scare him as much anymore, the thought of falling for her again. Whether she got her memories back or not, she was still the same woman he knew before, he knew that now. She laughed at her own jokes and rambled on about books in her store. She giggled at inappropriate jokes like a little kid, and doodled flowers and animals in her notebooks. She wore her same old ink and coffee stained aprons as before, tied into a big bow along her waist.
She was still his baby, and he was coming to terms with that. He welcomed her back into his life happily, and she matched the gesture.
Once again, she sat in his bed, her legs crossed in front of her and a notebook in her hands. For her sake, she started keeping a dream journal in which she wrote down every single dream she could remember and brought them to Kakashi to either learn more about or dismiss as just a regular nonsense dream. She flipped through the pages covered in her handwriting and doodles before coming to a stop on the most recent night’s visions.
“In this dream last night, I saw a huge man with white hair, like he was ginormous. He was in my store for some reason, looking at those books that you have on your shelf,” she told him, pointing at his favorite series of all. “He had on a lot of fishnets on his legs and arms, too, if that helps any. Do you know him?”
He nodded. “The book series is call Icha Icha and it’s a masterpiece. The man you saw is named Jiraiya, and he is the author of the series.” She corrected that in her notebook, and took down what the real information was. Writing some of the memories and facts down only helped to reinforce them in her head. “More importantly, he is also one of the Legendary Sannin. He trained with Lady Tsunade and Orochimaru.”
“Ohhhh, wow, okay. Every ninja has so much history in this village. It’s fun connecting the dots with you, Kakashi,” she told him, “It’s like we’re reading from a story book.”
“The ways of the five great nations and the shinobi are definitely interesting. Some terrible things happen, and some amazing ones do as well. Makes for some unique people.”
Secretly, he was glad she liked to sit with him and go over all her memories, organizing and learning. She always wanted to know more and more, and each day she seemed to be growing slowly into a person he could call familiar. The way her eyes lit up at his stories, and her showing him little doodles in her notebook that she just couldn’t put into words: he loved being such a big part of her life. It always felt like she was so close to tipping over the edge, all that potential for her memories to come rushing back in at once.
They never did, but she got so close so many times.
He still didn’t know what he was going to do if she did remember him again. He loved her, yes, but he had already made up his mind to distance himself enough that their relationship wasn’t intimate like before. He wanted her to be safe, that’s all he wanted. He couldn’t imagine another accident like this one ruining her life a second time
And so, he smiled and laughed with her. He let her give him hugs, but not too many. He struggled to control himself at times, to not let go and give her his everything like before. He kept his distance, but at least he could feel her warmth in the same room now. He knew a relationship would only lead to more pain, but they could be friends. Just friends. So long as he could make her happy even for a little while.
He noticed she had flipped the page to the next entry, and suddenly, she was fiddling with the edges of the paper, staring down at the words intently. “Is something wrong?”
She shook her head to snap out of her thoughts, raising her eyes to meet his. She was smiling, as usual, but he could tell it was fake. The sadness was creeping up her cheeks and showing in her eyes, the way they had lost their shine. “Yeah, um, this page is just nonsense, No use talking about it.”
“I’m sure it’s not. Any dream you have probably means something.”
She shook her head, swallowing down what she actually meant to say. “It’s just not something we need to talk about.”
“Ah,” he exhaled, his eyes taking in her disposition, an obvious change in the way she held herself. She’d lowered her eyes, and stroked the edge of her book, a tremor in her wrist. “It’s fine, Y/N. Whatever is good for you.” He wasn’t going to push. He was just here to give her knowledge and a friend during this rough patch. He wasn’t going to divulge in emotions that she obviously wanted to keep to herself.
She scanned the next page for a more recent dream, but the last page had changed her tone. He sighed, nudging her thigh with his foot. “Let’s stop for today. I’m off tomorrow, you can come back when you’re feeling better.”
The woman nodded and brushed back a bit of loose hair that had come undone during their time together. She was just about ready to leave the apartment and head back to her own place. As she shut the book in her lap, she snuck another peek at his face, only to eyes with no words. As usual. He was always more into observing than speaking, and she was fine with that. She was more than talkative enough to fill the empty space.
He just liked listening to her voice, seeing the way her lips moved. He wished she would stay for longer, continue talking to him and filling the empty place in his heart.
“You’re probably right,” she mumbled. But he was not unaware of the way her lip quivered with each syllable falling from her lips. Nor did he miss the tears that had gathered at her waterline, that she kept from falling. It made him confused, the way he felt. He didn’t want her to get too close to him, but the thought of letting her leave his apartment about to burst into tears made him feel like shit. Recently, he was beginning to feel like one of the shittiest people alive.
He shifted from his spot lounging in the bed to reach out and grab onto her wrist, keeping her from leaving her seat just yet. “Y/N, tell me what’s wrong? You don’t have to pretend you’re not upset when you’re around me, you know that right?”
“I-I know, but it’s just…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I want to keep coming to see you like this, Kakashi,” she whimpered, pulling her wrist from his hold, as he wasn’t holding with any strength. “I don’t even want to talk to you anymore.”
He felt a tug in his chest from fear. He never expected to hear those words from her. Not with her like this and not before either. He thought they got along. He was really trying to make things easier for her. He wanted to go back and fix whatever he had done so she would want him again. He felt sick, knowing she didn’t need him now, or even want him.
“What do you mean?” he asked calmly, despite the storm brewing in his chest.
She turned away from him, squeezing her eyes shut to keep the tears from overflowing. They dripped into her lap and stained her work skirt. She had to bite her lip to keep her herself from crying out, so sad it burned in her chest right above her heart. Minutes passed of her harsh breaths and his eyes trailed on her weak figure, lips just ajar. He wanted to apologize, to tell her he was sorry for whatever he had done, sorry for everything possible. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and promise that he would never let anything happen to her ever again.
But he would never do that. She wouldn’t let him. Not with the way things were.
Eventually, she found the breath to speak. “I keep having more and more dreams about you. About us. I just can’t keep coming here and acting like none of that stuff ever happened, Kakashi, and that’s what you want me to do.”
“Y/N-”
“On that page that I skipped, I had a dream written down, and it was one of the longest memories I’ve had so far. I just can’t stop thinking about it,” she cried, furiously bringing the heels of her palms up to her eyes and wiping away the bitter tears from her eyes that stung when she blinked. “We were younger, and you were holding me. We were sitting on a bench by some trees and there was rain falling and I just remember crying so hard, I just couldn’t stop crying. I remember the pain in my chest and the way my lungs burned struggling for air.”
He nodded, and he felt like he knew what memory she was recalling, but he would let her finish. She continued to cry into her hands, her arms shaking as they curled into her body. She lifted her legs to the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around them, hugging anything she could to her quivering form.
“And-And, you were just hugging me and I remember feeling so comfortable in your arms, like that is where I was supposed to be all the time. I loved you, Kakashi. I loved you so much, and I could feel it, this warmth in my chest that made me know things would be okay. That whatever was going on would resolve itself,” she confessed, “And then, you…you kissed me. I-I couldn’t tell if it was the first time, but I remember how special it was to me. I remember not wanting it to be over.
“I keep getting back my memories, and it’s making me fall in love with you all over again. And I know that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. It just hurts. I think maybe if I could just get away from you it wouldn’t be so bad. I feel so stupid telling you how I feel- how those memories with you felt,” Y/N explained, wiping more soppy wet tears away. She could tell her eyes were puffy and red at this point from crying so much, and that just made her feel worse on top of everything else. “Kakashi, I’m just so sorry for doing this to you.”
“Damn, I’m an asshole,” the man cursed, pressing his face into the crook of his arm, shame pouring off his skin in waves. “Stop saying sorry for something you can’t help. You’ve literally never done a single thing wrong in your entire life. Just stop that.”
“Kakashi-”
“Y/N, I’m still so in love with you. I just couldn’t give up on you, even if you being with me means you’re constantly in danger of an attack like the one that happened months ago, I just can’t let you go,” he told her, exasperation heavy in his voice. He was just so tired with everything. He was tired of these emotions. It never used to be like this, long before he met her. He was cold and hard, and she turned him into the softie, perverted ninja that he was. After all this time, he was only a human like everyone else. He had these selfish desires like everyone else. “I just miss you, baby.”
She felt her heart race at the term of endearment, at the sweet words he said, at the declaration of love. Even though she didn’t know everything about him, and there were so many bits and pieces missing from her mind, she still cared about him. She still felt her heart beat just a little faster when he was around. She cared about him. After everything that happened, she still loved him.
“I need you in my life, Y/N. I know things have changed, but it’s the truth. I’ve gotten too used to you being around, I don’t know if I’d be able to do it without you.”
Yes, he was rough around the edges, everyone is. But to her, he was already perfect. She didn’t need to know everything because it didn’t matter. He was charming, thoughtful, and equal parts humorous. He made her eyes light up with joy and her knees weak. He was the type of man she could only dream of being with, and here they were, confessing their love for the second time.
“Kakashi?”
“Hm?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please.”
She crawled up to where he sat against the wall, mask still up over his nose as usual. Carefully, with hesitation in her shaky hands, she reached to pull down the cloth. His unmasked face had appeared in her dreams on more than one occasion so it wasn’t like this was the first time he was revealing himself to her. Still, she felt like this was a moment she should savor.
She pulled down the mask, and his face was just as handsome as she imagined. She let her hands rest on his cheeks, thumbs running over his cheekbones, and he relaxed into her touch. Softly, she pressed her lips to his, and a cozy warmth filled her entire being. This is what she was missing out on. Absolutely tragic.
When she pulled away, all she could see was a dopey smile across his lips and starry eyes peering down at her. “I missed that, Y/N.”
“I missed it too,” she breathed out, so intoxicated by the kiss she could barely think. It wasn’t anything serious just a peck on the lips but to her, it meant the entire world.
Maybe she would never recover every single memory she had. Maybe things would stay the way they are. That would be okay with her, so long as they had each other to lean on. He could tell her all his stories another time, just so she could understand, but the love would always be there.
_________
A few months passed before she found herself waking up in the morning, thoughts rushing through her head quickly, heavily in her mind. Memories of her friends and family, the village, each little piece of trivia she had been missing out on consuming her thoughts. She placed a hand over her eyes and groaned, a headache pounding in the back of her skull, despite her joy that more of the holes had been filled in her mind.
Y/N leaned over onto her side, propped up on her elbow. On her bedside table lay a few pain pills and a glass of water, something she kept there regularly. The intense dreams often brought on pain in the mornings, as if she’d been drinking all night long. After a bit of the pain subsided, she would head down to her bookstore and get ready for a day’s work, like usual. Just because she went through trauma did not mean she could slack off. Time is money as they say, and books would always be selling in this bustling village.
She stood from the bed and threw on one of her plain brown dresses, complete with a once baby pink apron, now stained beyond belief with things she just could not scrub out with a brush, heavy black ink and wine and coffee. Money was tight, and she wasn’t just going to go out and buy herself new clothes, when these were perfectly wearable.
As she walked around her home, she straightened her hair just enough to look decent and heated up a kettle of boiling water on the stove, a couple bags of black coffee steeping inside. The caffeine would only further remedy her headache, she sighed, pouring herself a cup for the morning.
Downstairs, her bookstore waited for her, lights off and shelves properly stocked and readied from the night before. Kakashi had been over helping her clean up and put up her latest shipment. He was more serious about alphabetical order than she was, and she found it hilarious when he would switch around two books she misplaced. She flipped on the register, turned the open sign and switched the lights on, ready for a few stray customers to walk in, usually the older people who woke up at this time of day.
Hours passed, and villagers visited one after the other, asking her for suggestions and help on where to find something that they were looking for. It was relaxing, and all the while she continued to sip her coffee, feeling her headache completely melt away.
It was around noon when she was greeted with one of her friends. That young girl Sakura who helped heal her while she was in the hospital. Y/N remembered a lot of things about her at this point down to her hopeless crush on a rogue ninja and her tiniest insecurities that she’d once confided in her. It was nice to have a girl to talk to. The village girls came by now and then, and she enjoyed their company as well, but there was something about these individualistic, unique shinobi that just drew her in.
She loved this village. It was her home, and she loved everyone within it.
“Y/N, wanna go get some lunch with me? It’ll only be an hour and it’s on me,” she asked cheerily, and Y/N couldn’t deny such a nice request. After all, having her meal paid for would probably mean more money than sitting around in her shop. She shut off the lights, flipped the sign and locked the door.
“Where do you want to go? Pick any place.”
Wow. Y/N was getting the special treatment today, it seemed. Free lunch of her choice wherever she wanted. There wasn’t a price limit either. She felt like she was on top of the world. “Wanna go get dango?”
“If that’s what you want, Y/N-chan.”
She nodded eagerly. “Yes, please. I’ve been craving something sweet. You know Kakashi isn’t the biggest fan, so we don’t go too much.”
“Of course. I’ve been craving some anmitsu myself.”
The pair walked over to the sweet dumpling store and sat around for just about an hour, as Sakura said, munching on their red bean and sugar syrup desserts, just talking about anything and everything going on. Sakura was getting closer to finding Sasuke and bringing him home, and she was honing her medical ninjutsu even more. She was quite versatile with her strength and desire to care for others. Y/N really admired the girl.
She was the other side of the coin opposed to Y/N’s moments of weakness. It wasn’t like she was jealous, she was just amazed at the sheer talent. Kakashi, Yamato, Naruto, Sakura, all so talented. It was amazing. Pride bubbled up in her chest for her friends.
“Y/N, how’s it been with Kakashi?”
The woman snapped out of her thoughts and peered back up at the pink haired kunoichi, twirling a wooden skewer in her fingers. “It’s been great. He really is a wonderful man. Intelligent, charming, romantic, helpful. Everything you could want, really.”
“I see. Well, I’m really happy you guys could work through what happened, even if you didn’t get all your memories back,” Sakura hummed happily, finishing the last bite of agar on her plate.
Y/N sighed, a dreamy smile on her face. She placed her cheek in her palm and trailed her eyes down to the table again. “I don’t think it really ever mattered whether I got my memories back or not. I’m still the girl he fell in love with and he’s the man I spent all those years chasing after. He can tell me everything over again, but really, it was our personalities that drew us together.”
Sakura smiled, feeling her heart turn to mush at the thought of such a deep love. She stood from the table and waved for Y/N to follow her. There was just one more place they had to go before she could go back to work. “Follow me. I have to show you something.”
Y/N followed as she normally did. Secretly, she liked hanging out with Sakura and skipping work. The store was tiresome and often boring when customers were few far and inbetween. It was refreshing to get lunch with a friend and waste sunlight together. She had a lot of free time anyway. Kakashi wasn’t going to be around for the next few days. He’d informed her yesterday that he had a mission for 2 days in the next village over.
And apparently, he was going with the two boys from Team Eight…
Then how come Y/N just saw them walking down the street with that Hyuga girl?
Plans must have changed, Y/N thought to herself. Maybe he went with some other chunin for this one, she decided and continued to follow her friend through the streets of the village. They passed by store after store and walked through alleyways on the way to wherever they were going.
Sakura walked slowly enough that Y/N could keep up. Some tendons never healed themselves, and she walked with a sort of limp, but nothing hurt. With all this walking, Y/N was suspecting that Sakura must have something big to show her. They eventually ended up walking through the woods a bit to end up at the training grounds, the one with the huge waterfall that crashed loudly in her ears.
Birds were chirping and bees buzzed around by her feet. She turned around to see Sakura standing there with her hands clasped in front of her, just a tiny bit of red dusting her cheeks. “Sakura, what did you want to show me?”
“Y/N.” A voice called from behind, and she turned back to the waterfall to see Kakashi walking up with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. Her brows raised and her head fell to the side in confusion.
“Kakashi, I thought you were supposed to be on a mission. I-I saw those two boys walking around the village and thought you went with someone else.”
“I kinda lied about the mission. I just needed to prepare something.”
“Ah, okay. So what is this about?”
He stood in front of her now, merely a couple feet away. “I know that these past few months have been really hard for you,” he began, taking a second to think of the next words he was about to say. Y/N could only stare up at him in wonder. This entire situation was out of the ordinary for sure. “I didn’t think we could work through our issues, and I didn’t know if it was right for us to even be together knowing what my curse had done to you.”
“Kakashi, it’s okay.”
“Y/N, these past few years have been some of the best of my entire life. I never thought that I would be able to find comfort in someone as beautiful and kind as you. I thought I was destined to be alone forever because of the things I had done. But then I found you.”
He pulled one of his hands from his pocket, and held out a little brown bag to her, urging for her to take it.
When she opened the pouch and tipped it into her hand, a shiny ring fell into her soft palm. She felt her heartbeat race in her chest, and she pressed her free hand to her chest to steady herself. “Kakashi…”
He shifted his weight onto one foot, his lips cracking into the smallest of smiles.
“What do you say? You and me, making memories for the rest of our lives? Ones you’ll always remember?” he asked softly, staring down at the woman he had come to love more than anything else in this entire world.
She lifted her hand from her chest to take the ring and slide it on her finger, staring at it on her hand and watching the gemstone glimmer and change color with the sunlight. It was so gorgeous and bright, it shined like the sun sat on her finger. The thought of Kakashi picking this out for her made the ring even prettier.
It was perfect. Everything was perfect.
Tears filled her eyes at his words, and she could only nod, no words coming to her head that made any sense. All she could feel was love burning through her body and happiness threatening to overflow. She threw her arms around his neck and threw herself against him, laughter sounding from her lips. He wrapped her up in his arms and let her cry into his shoulder, sobs and giggles mixing together.
Yeah, maybe he had to wait a few more months than he wanted to, but that never mattered; they had all the time in the world.
A/N: hello. This is the second part of the Kakashi amnesia fic. I was so conflicted on what to do in this one and admittedly, I am not satisfied with this. Not completely. I really struggle writing the second part of a trio, and it’s evident here.
Part three is up!
Word count: 4200
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Kakashi struggled to maintain his normal persona after Y/N got into the incident. He just couldn’t shake off that desperate need to be around her. At this point, it was just instinctual to look for her in the crowds, and expect to see her waiting for him each time he got home from a mission. He missed her laugh and her smile, and the people in the village did not help.
His only solace was on missions where he could forget about it all. It was an impossible struggle, especially when everyone and their mother was consoling him every time he stepped outside to do literally anything. He didn’t want people in his business, especially something so sensitive.
The mornings were now cold and depressing. Each time he rolled over in an attempt to throw his arm around his girlfriend, he was only met with the hollow space where she used to be. He would bury his face in his pillows and shut his eyes, just trying to drown out her voice from his mind. But her scent still lingered on his linens and buried deep into the pillows.
He imagined her groggy eyes opening just a peek to see if he was awake before her, and he usually was. She would smile and scoot close to his body, curling up and hugging him around the waist, her head resting against his chest. He missed wrapping her up in a cuddly hug, peppering the top of her head with kisses.
He missed going to get breakfast with her, and her ranting to him about this new novel the store had in shipment, comparing the plot to that of other books she had read and gushing over the character development or the vocabulary or a plot twist she’d never seen. She was always such a nerd, it was adorable.
And he missed meeting up with her each night as she closed the store, her hugging him so tight he could feel her heart beating against his. She’d attack his face with kisses and giggles, pulling down his mask in between the bookshelves where no one could see and gracing his lips with a kiss, or a dozen, depending on the day.
He just missed her. But he knew it was for the best-not knowing her anymore, not getting attached all over again, or letting her get close to him again. He thought of her amnesia as a fresh start, a way to break up with her without crushing her emotionally. She would never know what she was missing.
He would be the only one suffering, and that was better to him than the other way around.
For Kakashi, it was always hard to imagine he would get to a place in life where he felt comfortable enough with someone to maintain such a relationship. He didn’t think he would grow to have these moments with someone he loved. He worked through so many walls he had built up over the years, fought against all his paranoia and superstitions, and for what? To feel his heart break?
He felt betrayed, by whom, he had no idea. He just felt like the stars had aligned perfectly in favor of screwing him over the moment he was comfortable, the moment someone was able to squeeze into his heart and share their love. It would take time to get over his feelings for her, he knew that. The memories would always linger, but they wouldn’t cut through him like they did now.
For now, the only thing he could do was lie in his bed until his next mission the following day. Without her, he didn’t see any reason to get out of bed anyway.
______
Y/N returned to her apartment after being discharged from the hospital, and did as she was instructed to do. Each day she would look through her belongings, pictures, trinkets, anything that had emotional value, hoping it would bring out some of her old memories. Nothing really changed. Sometimes she could see flashes of people in her head that lived in the village. Kakashi, that guy in the green suit, Yamato, the sweet girl that took care of her all her days in the hospital. All of them appeared in her mind at one point or another, but nothing strong enough to give her any knowledge.
Tsunade told her to just keep trying and hopefully, something would fix itself. It seemed like a shot in the dark, but anything was worth a try.
It wasn’t until a few hours into the cleaning process, scrapping blood and ink out of carpets and stocking her shelves of the store, that she found something of real importance. Deep in the back of her front counter, hidden in a drawer, sat a small shoebox, filled with stacks of papers.
At first, she assumed they were probably just old receipts, but that was not the case.
Inside she found many things. Photos, notes, letters, and little trinkets all stacked carefully in the box like her previous self took extra special care of them. For this reason, she took the box to the table to sit down and go through everything one by one. Anything was worth a try, and maybe this would propel her recovery in motion..
First she examined the letters. They were very short, but full of information about her past self, and she found herself more intrigued and surprised with every word. Each one was from Kakashi, she noted that immediately. Out of all people, she could not imagine that man sitting and writing out anything nice or thoughtful to her.
But she was wrong.
They stated things about how he was on missions and wouldn’t be back for a month or so at a time. He often stated how badly he wished to come back home and visit her bookstore again. How he was sorry for being gone so long that he couldn’t help around the store.
The first few, dated as far back as 7 years, were very friendly, nothing out of the ordinary for a correspondence between friends. It still seemed sketchy to her that Kakashi took time out of his day to send her letters, but not unbelievable. It wasn’t until they progressed right in front of her eyes that she was taking in every word with awe.
They detailed how much he missed seeing her face, which he often described as beautiful and precious. She was his motivator that kept him going each morning and through the long nights, he said. The man proclaimed his love over and over in the letters starting four years ago until the very last which was from a few months ago. He was never very descriptive or detailed, but he got across what needed to be said and what was on his mind very effectively.
She had no idea Kakashi felt that way about her. He really didn’t act like they had any relationship at all. He actually spent most days avoiding her at all costs. Of course, she would see him walking down the street, and wave through the glass panels of her bookstore, not that he ever cared. He would usually take one look over at her, and then walk faster in the opposite direction.
To say her first impression of him was a bit off putting was an understatement. Where other people like Yamato treated her with kindness and humility, he seemed to think he was too good to try and reconnect. Although, he was certainly a handsome man and very courageous. She could vaguely see why her old self was at least physically attracted to him. Even if he wasn’t acting the nicest now, the letters led her to believe he was possibly a hopeless romantic.
She scanned through the other things in the box. The photos were ones of her with all her friends, but the majority were just Kakashi. The first few photos, the oldest, with the most damage around the frayed edges, were of them when they were much younger. He didn’t have on the jounin vest he wore, and she had such a baby face to match a toothy grin. Maybe they were teenagers, 20 somethings? She couldn’t tell for sure.
The photos were just of them together. Sitting by certain sights or buildings, hugging, eating, on every kind of date you could imagine. It looked like she documented each one. Time stamps on the backs in whatever pen color she had at the time, scribbled details here and there.
It made sense now, why she had a pile of disposable cameras in her room. Dozens of photos of Kakashi, decades of memories all piled up in this box between the pair. It felt surreal, seeing herself in places she couldn’t recognize, in the arms of a man she barely knew.
She must have really loved him before. Their relationship was one of quite a few years from the looks of the things in this box, and obviously she cherished even the little moments. She felt guilt pang in her chest, and her stomach to turn over painfully. How he must have felt when she told him she didn’t remember him. How it must feel walking past her in the street and knowing what they had was gone. She couldn’t imagine the pain he had to be going through.
And he said that the entire thing was his fault. That day he walked into her hospital room, he apologized for what he did to her, saying that his family was the cause for this, and that he should have come to the store earlier to make sure something like that never happened. He wasn’t a superhero, despite what everyone thought of him. He was merely a man, a shinobi with a love for porn novels and dogs and one girl he desperately wanted to protect. Now that was gone.
Needless to say, she felt awful. It wasn’t her fault for not remembering him, but it sure felt that way.
She set everything back into the box and put it in its place under the counter before flipping the open sign to closed and heading out into the street. She knew where he lived, only because of the return addresses on the envelopes of the letters. She was still quite familiar with Konoha and it’s workings, some of the street names hazy but there. She was now determined to make it to his apartment, even if she had to ask everyone in town to help navigate.
If he was on a mission, so be it, but if he was home, she wanted to see the man.
Thankfully, she realized that he lived only a few streets away from her when a street vendor pointed her in the right direction, but damn, he lived on the fourth floor and she inwardly cursed him. Her legs were still a bit shaky from the incident, and she hadn’t healed completely. Stairs were a pain for her. This entire man seemed like a real pain, honestly.
She finally made it to the fourth floor after hobbling up like an old man, and knocked on the second door. She was going to have a conversation with this man, the same man who was keeping their history a secret this entire time without trying to make a connection again.
No one in this town wanted to explain anything to her. Yamato was nice but he always beat around the bush and left when things started getting informative. Sakura just fawned over her broken limbs and injuries. And the man in the green jumpsuit was too loud, she usually had to kick him out once she felt a headache coming on. Other than that, she didn’t have many friends. They’d told her her family died in a “jinchuriki” attack, whatever that meant, so she didn’t have any family to ask either.
As she waited at the door, she felt her stomach churn. Part of her was genuinely curious how her younger self fell for him and what they were like together. Like, what was the appeal? He seemed kinda strange and distant, and she couldn’t help but want cuddles and love constantly. It seemed like an odd match, and Y/N couldn’t help but question it.
Opposites attract, I guess.
After a couple seconds, the door opened a crack, and a half dressed man answered the door. She found her face heating up a bit. He wasn’t even exposed in any way, he just wasn’t wearing his headband, nor did he have his jacket on, revealing toned arms and fluffy, messy hair that she had to admit was pretty adorable. Okay, so she could definitely see herself falling for someone so handsome, but regardless, she was on a mission.
He looked startled to see her standing there in all her glory, out of breath and bent over like she’d run the whole way here. She held onto the doorway to balance herself. Perhaps she was just a tiny little bit out of breath from climbing the stairs still. Y/N apologized quickly, “Sorry, give me a second. Going up the stairs is really hard to do and you live on the fourth floor so, yeah.”
“Who told you where I live?” He questioned, scanning the walkway to make sure no one else was around to be listening.
“You did, actually,” she answered after taking a deep breath. “I found an old box of letters from you, and I just went to the return address.”
The letters. How could he forget about them? He had tried to rid her place of all signs of him, taking out pictures of the two of them together save for a few with other people included. He took out every single belonging he had. The only thing he missed was the letters, ones he didn’t even know Y/N had kept in the first place. He cursed himself.
Her reading the letters made him feel violated. Even if the letters were for her, it felt like a stranger had just read some of his deepest and most pathetic thoughts, the ones of love and adoration and depression all piled up in a few letters addressed to a Y/N he used to know. He felt sick thinking about what this woman now knew.
“Okay. Well, listen, you really shouldn’t just come to my apartment like this. I’m not fond of drop in visits.”
“I don’t care. I’ll do whatever I want, Kakashi Hatake, or should I say, my lover,” she laughed, resting one of her hands on her hip proudly. He felt himself wince at the sound of those words coming from her lips, seeing her childish grin. It reminded him too much of before, how they used to be, and he couldn’t handle that. Suddenly, he felt that familiar sickness rolling in his stomach. “How come you never said anything about it?”
“Because, I didn’t think you needed to know.”
“Why? Obviously you were a very big part of my life and I, yours,” she asked.
He sighed and leant on the doorframe, his eyes never leaving the village over her shoulder, anything other than meeting her eyes. He really did not want to have this conversation with her. He would have talked her ear off about a month before when she actually had her memories and knew who she was, but today, with the way she was, he might as well be speaking to a stranger.
“Do you want me to be honest?”
“Of course.”
“It’s because I was going to leave you after the accident either way” he confessed, and she could only nod. It wasn’t like she was gonna get offended by his words, she didn’t even know him. He continued, “It makes me sick knowing that all this was my fault in the first place.”
She tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“The reason that man and his lackeys kidnapped you is because of my father’s mistakes,” he sighed, “That bastard wanted to get revenge by hurting you, since you and I were close.”
She nodded, tapping the floor with her foot as she absorbed everything he’d said. That is what he alluded to before when they met in the hospital. She replied calmly, her tone so understanding it made him feel nauseous.“I see. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call that your fault. You definitely didn’t directly cause anything to happen, if anything it was your father. I’m not offended at all.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think. It doesn’t make this anyone’s fault but mine.”
“Really, it’s not your fault. You could have never predicted this,” she tried to say, but he just went on, words flowing out faster than she could argue against them.
“It doesn’t matter. I knew that it was wrong to let you into my life. You would have lived just as happily if I’d have ignored you and let you meet some son of a baker, get married after a year, have a bunch of kids, shit, I don’t know,” he cursed. She could tell he was breaking down feelings he had been harboring for a while, and she pushed past him into his apartment, walking right under the arm he was resting on. This wasn’t something to talk about in public, out in the open. “I knew that if you were with me that you would never live a normal life, and I still let you fall in love with me, all because I was too selfish to put my own feelings aside.”
“Love shouldn’t be suppressed like that. You did what was natural.”
“Yeah, and look where that got us. Look where that got you, Y/N.” He waved to her bandaged legs. “You’re never going to remember me again, so it doesn’t matter if I rekindle our relationship, does it?”
She took a seat on the edge of his bed to rest her tired legs. He seemed so angry with himself, so much self hate radiating from his person. He was hurting so badly, and she just wished he would let her comfort him.
For a moment, she wondered if he would let her hold him like before, so he could pretend that things hadn’t gone wrong, even for a short time. Put his mind at ease if only for a short while. Y/N refrained from saying anything, though. Physical touch was probably one of the worst things for him right now, especially from her.
Instead, she meditated on what he said. She sat there fiddling with her fingers, trying to figure out what to say to him, anything that would make the situation easier for him. All she ever wanted was to make life easier for others, and if her way of doing so was being kind and thoughtful toward these worn shinobi, then that is what she would do.
She leaned back on her hands and let out a soft sigh, words surfacing in her brain that might just do the trick. “Kakashi, do you want to hear something that might bring you hope?”
“Whatever,” he brushed off, not thinking anything she could say would make the situation better. He’d tried for a month to make things better and nothing was working.
“I’ve been having dreams. Dreams of the past, dreams of memories that I have forgotten. When I look through photos, new images appear of people that I used to know,” she told him softly. “Tsunade says that means I’ll regain my memories with time, it’s just taking a bit longer than we had hoped. She thinks I can get everything back. The girl that you used to know.”
He stood there for a moment, just processing what she said. He could feel his heart beat a little faster in his chest, and he lifted his eyes slowly to meet her own. She always had such soft, gentle eyes, even now. “Do you have any dreams of me?” He was hesitant to ask, but she gladly nodded. “What do you remember?”
“Well, it’s mostly just snapshots here and there of you and everyone else. Short little tibbits of what life used to be like. I know Yamato has wood nature jutsu because in one of my dreams he had summoned this ginormous tree. I know there is a younger guy with the most yellow hair I’ve ever seen. I know that you have a red eye under the headband, but I don’t know what it’s for,” she explained, listing off some examples of things shehad dreamed of.
He hummed. “Firstly, you’re right about Yamato. He’s actually the only one alive who can use that jutsu.”
“Really? That’s interesting. Is that why he’s head of the…uh, that group? The ones with the animal masks?” she asked, feeling foolish at her lack of knowledge.
He let out the tiniest of chuckles, just a hint of one. “It’s actually ANBU, but good on you for knowing about them. And it’s not just because of his wood jutsu, he is also a very skilled and strong shinobi. He is a good team leader,” he explained. For a moment, he almost found it fun to listen to her struggle to remember things and then help her out. He noticed the way her nose crinkled when she was thinking especially hard about something, and god, it reminded him of before. He felt his heart thawing with each look her way.
Kakashi shut his front door and walked over to the other side of his bed. He took a seat against the wall, kicking out his legs. He was beginning to relax. “And about the yellow haired kid? That’s one of my students, Naruto Uzumaki. He’s a handful, but also a very talented, determined shinobi.”
She mouthed the name to herself a couple times, trying to memorize it. It sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t be too sure. A lot of things sounded like she should remember them, and she couldn’t exactly figure out which were right.
“And your red eye?”
“It’s a long story, and we won’t go into it. Simply put, this eye is called the sharingan. It’s a special dojutsu that only members of the Uchiha clan possess.”
“So you’re part Uchiha?”
“No. That’s the part I’m not gonna get into,” he brushed off her question. That was something that he really did not want to discuss again. He’d already told her the story once, he didn’t need to do it a second time, even if she had amnesia. When he looked over at her, she looked so familiar. Her eyes were filled with happiness, and he noticed that her lips were curled up into a sweet smile. “What are you happy about?”
She shook her head and turned her head to hide the upward curl of her lips. She was just so glad, her whole body felt warmer because of it. “Because you are being nice to me and explaining things. No one really explains things to me, they just skip around stuff usually,” she confessed as she tapped her heels together.
He could only shake his head at that. “You deserve to know at least the basic stuff, just until you get your memory back.”
“Hmm? You’ll explain any of my memories? Like any of them?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Oh, yeah, well explain this dream I had.”
“Shoot.”
Her smile took a mischievous turn, and he definitely noticed the change. He could only imagine what she was about to ask. “I’ll give you a hint…I know what you look like completely naked,” she giggled, falling back on the bed and covering her face with her hands.
“And you call me the pervert…” he sighed, crossing his arms behind his neck. Her laugh, it was like music to his ears. No matter what she could say, he was just relieved to feel her beside him, gleaming with a happiness he missed for nearly a month now.
“I really had a sex dream about you the other night, but you can imagine my confusion. I was like, what the hell, I don’t even know the guy,” Y/N laughed, “It all makes sense now.”
He rolled his eyes at her sense of humor. Things felt so normal, like before. He felt his chest grow warm at the feeling. Kakashi’s lips cracked into a grin under his mask, not that it mattered to wear the mask. She already saw his face in a dream, it seemed kinda pointless if they were alone.
Maybe he would let things go back to normal. Maybe he would talk to her more, and let her visit when he was home. Maybe he could go to her store when she waved to him instead of running away like a coward. Maybe he could let himself be happy, despite his faults, despite what happened to her. The wounds could be mended, he decided.
He just couldn’t help but be selfish and let her back in.
A/N: part two of the hanahaki AU. Ive really been struggling getting back into writing, it took me nearly 6 months to get out this two parter and i’m genuinely sorry for that. Essentially in this kakashi finds out about ur hanahaki disease and you struggle with a tough decision to make.
Word count: 5500
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Y/N and her team arrived home once again, but not without difficulties. Of course, she was one of the Hokage’s most trusted shinobi and could complete any mission successfully, that didn’t mean her team hadn’t had their ass kicked a couple times along the way. Normally a mission as easy as this one would have been a breeze, if not for the sickness plaguing her.
She’d seen it all. Poisons of all kinds on every weapon imaginable, people from every nation with all types of chakra nature, bugs and wildlife you wouldn’t imagine. The problem recently was this pain in her chest, it held her back from doing her job properly.
“Y/N, if you’re getting too old to do this kind of thing, you can always advise Kakashi,” Shikamaru would tell her offhandedly when she’d collapse after each battle, coughing and gasping for breath. He didn’t understand what was wrong with her, didn’t need to. Something was seriously fucked up and she needed help. He told her to see a medical nin, but she always refused.
She would never go to the hospital, not for Gai or Shikamaru, or anyone else that expressed their concerns. She was fine the way she was, and if it got worse then so be it. She would soldier on until the very moment she couldn’t muster the strength anymore.
Perhaps that was out of fear, that or pride, the woman didn’t know. It didn’t matter anyway. Chances are she was going to die. All she wanted to do was cherish the time she had left, going on missions and seeing her friends.
Her team walked her through the gates before going their separate ways. She was the leader so she would report their findings to Kakashi for the day. They were probably hungry and tired after such a tedious journey, so she was happy to see them off to take care of themselves. She adjusted the bag on her shoulder and took a deep breath, feeling the wood restrict her chest from inflating with air as she waved them goodbye with a strained smile.
With a shaky breath, she made her way up to the Hokage tower, passing by the guards and each doorway. She didn’t need permission to enter, even at this late hour. Normally a shinobi might wait until morning to report on their mission when the Hokage was ready for guests, despite him staying up a lot of nights working anyway. Whenever he was there, she was welcome as well.
Not that the woman wanted to visit him like that anymore. He was far too busy to listen to her stories, or hear her complain about one thing or another. She stayed at home alone, imagining the days when he would sit down with her after missions and get barbeque, on her of course, that cheapskate. Maybe she could have made an effort to find time to be together outside of work, but she felt guilty. It was selfish to take him away from the village when she felt like being needy.
He had plenty of friends anyway. What made her so special? What made it okay for her to just waltz into the room and visit him, even if he was drowning in work? God, she just felt so pathetic as her eyes rose up the door and she did her best to compose herself. Straighten her back and pinch her cheeks in an attempt to bring some healthy color to her face
Deep breaths.
“Kakashi?” she rasped, knocking on the office door which was only slightly ajar. Her voice was hoarse after walking up all those stairs, a feeling similar to collapse creeping up to her. She was just so tired, with the pain bearing heavy on her entire form. Her hand went to grab at the wooden doorframe, supporting herself as she waited for a reply.
“Y/N?” he asked from within the depths of the Hokage’s office, littered high with boxes of paperwork and reports. “What’s wrong?”
Cough.
"I-I’m okay. I came to give you the reports from the last mission. We just got back,” she told him, taking a step inside the room and softly shutting the door behind her. He was relaxed behind his desk, swallowed by paperwork but still just chilling in his big Hokage chair. The lights of Konoha’s nightlife sparkled behind him through the round window, and she admired the way they lit up his concerned eyes.
He really was the most beautiful man, even after all this time. Especially with the light highlighting the sharpness of his jaw and the boldness of his eyes. She watched as he turned his head, undeniably soft hair bounced utop his head, something she found quite charming. Her heart raced at the thought, and she had to fight down the heat rushing up her neck. Her chest ached as the seconds flew by, but she didn’t think it was serious enough to warrant leaving. Not yet.
Wheeze.
The harder she tried to take in a full deep breath, the more she began to crumble.
“No, something is wrong,” he shook his head and pressed on, “Something has been wrong for months now. You’re sick.”
She felt her cheeks begin to heat up under his interrogation. He was right, and she should have known he was going to mention it sooner or later. Surely he’d noticed a long time ago, but he kept his mouth shut out of respect for her. She replied back shortly, “I just have allergies. It’s nothing serious.”
He dismissed her quickly, waving his hand at the mere thought of it just being allergies. He had allergies, everyone has allergies. These weren’t it, and if they were, Tsunade would have fixed her up with a prescription years ago. “Cut the act. I know you.”
What was she to say? She felt at a loss for words. It wasn’t like she could just explain her bouts of hanahaki. He wouldn’t understand, and he would no doubt push her to make a decision once he knew the severity of the situation. If only she could pretend to be normal just until she was done with this meeting. If only he would give up and stop pestering her, maybe everything would be okay.
But that’s not how things work.
“Just leave it alone. We have mission reports to go over.”
He was tempted to do just that and leave her alone about the entire thing, since she seemed to want to be difficult about it. But how could he when she was sicklier every day, and he could see the way she yearned for a full deep breath. It had been a few months now, and it was getting exponentially worse with each week that passed.
He was worried. So worried, he thought he might escort her to the hospital himself with all the power he possessed.
“Y/N, you can tell me anything, you know that? If you need to talk-”
Wheeze. She hated that he cared so much. It made everything so much harder.
“Kakashi, please,” she coughed out, pressing a hand to her chest in an attempt to appease these pains she was feeling. Unsurprisingly, nothing helped. She let her bag drop from her shoulder to the ground as her arms and knees struggled to hold the weight. “Oh god, not now.”
“What’s happening?” The hokage questioned and he moved from his seat, rushing toward her in an attempt to break her fall. He narrowly missed as her knees hit the floor with a painful thud.
She hunched over as shockwaves of torment climbed through her chest, into her lungs, throat, and mouth. Blood rose to her tongue and she spat that out onto the floor, staining the carpet red. The bitter metallic taste only agitated her nausea, stomach turning so strongly her head began to spin.
This was bad. This was really truly bad. There was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. He had triggered an attack and now she was trapped in his presence.
The facade as she knew it was falling apart.
She coughed harshly toward the ground, saliva and blood dripping from her lips, staining the carpet. Tears welled up in her eyes and she sobbed through the pains. More coughing ensued and she tried to swallow back the contents, she really did. It worked at first, the rotten petals being swallowed into her stomach.
“We need to get you to Sakura right away,” her friend demanded, the panic obvious in his voice. He stared down at her like she had two heads, scared to death of what was happening. He didn’t know the extent of her suffering, what she must have been hiding from him. If this is what she was going through on a regular basis due to his negligence…he couldn’t forgive himself.
He went to pick her up from the ground, cradle her to his chest and run her to the infirmary for help, just as he had before when she was broken, only this time instead of embracing his kindness, Y/N used the last of her strength to shove him away. He sat back beside her and felt his hands itching to do something, to rescue her from this pain. “Don’t be stupid, Y/N. We have to go.”
“No. Sakura can’t help. No one can help,” the woman moaned between coughs. She longed to feel his touch, for him to carry her off to the hospital and hold her close to his chest like that. Like the moment she found herself beginning to fall in love with him. It would only cause the attack to grow worse though. Every move he made and second he spent caring for her would bring about these issues. “Just sit with me until it’s over.”
He wasn’t convinced. How could he be? She was coughing up blood right in front of him. Was he supposed to take that lightly? Still, he found himself sinking to his knees beside his friend, waiting with a blunt absence of much patience if any at all..
The flowers started shortly after. Red and pink petals coming out in dense bunches, coated in blood and saliva from the tears along her throat. She watched as they fell to the floor within his gaze. He made no sound but she knew he was shocked from the way his entire body tensed at her side.
Thankfully, it was almost over, the finale just at the back of her throat.
A rose stem finally poked up and hit the roof of her mouth. With a tentative touch, the woman reached her fingers in, pinching the wooden stick and slowly pulling out the thorny branch complete with a bright red rose on the end. She gagged as it came up, fear of vomit coming with it. Miserably, Y/N held the branch out in front of her and cried harder as she felt the fit finally subside, allowing air into her lungs again.
“Y/N…”
She couldn’t stop herself from crying now, snot dripping from her nose and tears from the chin. How embarrassing that he was to see her like this. It was all supposed to be a secret, and he was the one real person she was desperately trying to keep it from. So far she’d dodged him anytime she felt the attacks coming up. Hiding in storefronts and launching herself into bushes just to avoid this entire situation.
“How long has this been going on?! Why did you keep this from me?” He asked, anger rising up in his throat through a thick veil of confusion. Despite being a calm and collected person, he cared deeply for a childhood friend, as anyone would. He could feel his heart pumping in his chest, faster and faster the longer he thought about her predicament.
Y/N was dying. Not just sick, but dying. Gone forever in the blink of an eye. The tale was as old as time, a tragic romance full of angst and hurt and pain and loss. Jiraiya even wrote a novel about the disease, as much as it seemed like a work of creative genius, the harsh reality of it all slapped him in the face. This entire time, while he was in his office dozing off and signing papers mindlessly, he had been watching her slowly march toward her grave and hadn’t even known.
He felt ashamed. He felt angry. Burning up inside at himself for being so ignorant. For letting himself get caught up so deeply in his own world that he couldn’t see something so heartbreaking happening right in front of him. He was so tired, they all were, but that was no excuse.
She couldn’t look at him. Not now. Preferably, never again. Instead she turned away from him and shut her eyes, imagining what expressions might be running across his features. She pleaded softly, barely loud enough for him to hear amongst her harsh breaths and cries.
“Please don’t.”
“Don’t what? Worry about you? Want to know what’s happening? Why you have Hanahaki and haven’t seen Tsunade yet?”
She shivered. He cared. So much. It felt wrong, so guilty and malicious, to keep such important secrets from him. “I can’t, Kakashi. You wouldn’t understand.”
Maybe he couldn’t understand, that was a good possibility, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try and empathize. They were best friends. At least, he would consider them so. It stung to know she hadn’t confided in him. Did she really mistrust him so strongly that she hid this from him? He scolded himself. Of course she wasn’t coming to him with all her problems, he was Hokage. They weren’t soldiers hiding out in each other’s rooms at night, gossiping about this and that. He was her boss, a busy, burdened man. She was a soldier, never home and living off food pills.
He pressed his hands firmly over his eyes and groaned. He wanted to be a hero, protecting her just as he did before his promotion. Now, he felt weak, pathetically stupid watching her crumbling as blood and spit dribbled down her chin.
“Why not? I understand that if you let this get any worse you’ll die. Is that not enough?”
A surge of courage ran through her as she lifted her eyes to meet his. They were dim, burdened and exhausted. It had been a long time since she’d seen him look so defeated, and this time it was completely her doing. Y/N grimaced and looked back at the flowers on the carpet.
Her words hit him clear in the chest as she whispered, “I’m just afraid. I’m scared, Kashi. It hurts so much.”
“Why don’t you do something about it?”
“Because I can’t confess to him, but at the same time, I can’t lose him forever. I just can’t,” she sighed, “I need him.”
“This man…Y/N, he can’t be worth more than your entire life. Be rational.”
She smiled bitterly and shook her head. “That’s what you won’t understand. To me, he is worth dying for. That has been true even before all this mess. Even before this sickly love that cursed me. I’d give up everything, even my life, just to love him until the end of my time here.” She sighed, swiping away a stray tear in her eye. “I never knew love could be like this. I loved my parents, my friends, boyfriends and crushes, but nothing can compare to how I feel now.”
Kakashi flicked his eyes up to the ceiling and held his breath. His chest was tight at her words, sickness rolling over him. He wanted to press his hands over his ears and ignore her, drown out the thought of her intense love for someone other than him. It was wrong to be jealous, to be so expectant that she was going to fall in love with him when he put in such little effort to sweep her off her feet. He had no right to be upset.
Yet he was. He wanted to cry. His best friend and the love of his life was going to die because she was in love. With someone else.
Fuck.
“Have you ever known a love like that, Kakashi?”
“I can’t say I have.”
Only, that was a lie.
He couldn’t imagine a man that would be so high and mighty she might die for him, give up everything she ever had just to keep him in her heart until her last painful moments. He wanted to yell at her, scold her for being so stupid and reckless.
Yet, he knew love was hard to comprehend. It took him years to come to terms with his own feelings, and even now he felt himself stumbling down the wrong path. He understood what she was going through to an extent, and it only made him feel worse. Maybe that’s why he was so desperate to know, to change her mind.
"Who is it?” Kakashi asked finally, after a moment of contemplation.
“You know it’s not that simple.”
“It really is though. You used to tell me everything.”
“It’s just not the same anymore,” she confessed, and he felt his heart crack into more tiny pieces. Was what they had before gone? Did he ruin everything? “I hid this from you for a reason. I didn’t want to bother you with something so intense. You have so much work to do, and I can handle myself-”
“You can’t just handle something like this! You need help.” He groaned inwardly. It would be just his luck that the woman of his affections not only was desperately and hopelessly in love with another man, but she refused to communicate. Why wouldn’t she just listen to him? The answer was right there. She even had two options to choose from. “Just tell the man and get it over with. If he rejects you, then you would be better off without him anyway.”
“Ignorance is bliss. I’d rather die than feel the heartbreak knowing he never loved me and then live the rest of my life with a missing piece from my heart. I’d be half the person I am today without him.”
Fucking stupid, he thought. Poetic bullshit. He clenched his fists at his sides in an attempt to release the tension that was building up in his muscles. His heart pounded in his chest as he felt the blood pressure rise in his veins. His gaze couldn’t help but flicker toward the bunches of hydrangeas and the rose stem on his office floor, pools of blood sunken into the carpet. The thought of her enduring this pain for so long, all alone. He was fucking sick.
“Please, you have to do something. At least see Tsunade.”
“I’ll go see her, but I doubt much will come of it.”
“Thank you,” he mumbled, “A little peace of mind knowing the best medical nin in the world is monitoring you.”
She nodded, her eyes trailing up to meet his face once again. He looked positively heartbroken, and for a moment, she was tempted to confess it all to him. To leap into the unknown and see what happened.
But she was never one to take risks.
Soft words fell from her lips, nothing else to say but a bitter apology.
“I’m sorry, Kakashi.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
______
Y/N kept up with her promise, visiting Tsunade in the hospital upon special request. Normally, the woman would refuse an appointment in her retirement, but this was upon recommendation from the Hokage so she found it quite difficult to refuse. He wasn’t the type to make a fuss of anything, after all. It would have been just as easy to see Sakura, but the Hokage and his Hanahaki kunoichi doubted the young girl would have any clue about the ancient disease.
As she sat in the waiting room, she anticipated the worst to come. Tsunade’s judgement. A terrible diagnosis. Even worse treatment options. She wished that just maybe the old woman had a way to fix it all without taking away her memories. It was a baseless dream, but she could hope.
“L/N, come in,” the medical nin voice called from down the hall and shakily she stood from the chair. Her knees felt weak and her head was spinning with thoughts. She tried to smile at the woman as she entered the room, but instead an ugly, awkward grimace came out.
“I’m not one to make assumptions, Y/N. I’m here to help you,” she drawled, her eyes running slowly up and down the younger woman, examining, “But with the way Kakashi demanded I see you immediately, well, you can see why I might be coming to some wild conclusions.”
“It’s really not what you would think.” Her breathy words were hoarse, and she cleared her throat in her hand to make it easier. “It’s in my chest. It’s um-” How could she explain this properly without sounding silly or dramatic. “Maybe you should just check it out for yourself.”
“Take a seat.”
Her hands hovered an inch or so above Y/N’s chest, a green light emanating from her palms. It only took a moment, a long moment of silence and concentrating before her eyes widened. She leaned in closer, as if to check again, just in case she sensed something incorrectly.
“There’s something in there. It’s…it’s alive.”
Y/N coughed into her sleeve, not quite at the beginning of a fit of hacking but enough to hurt and sting her throat. When she lowered her arm, the unmistakable sight of blood stained the fabric. Something stuck to the back of her throat, and she felt herself beginning to gag. Carefully, she reached into her mouth and grasped the loose object lodged there. A rose bud, pink but slick with crimson blood.
She displayed the flower for her elder to see, and Tsunade sucked in a tight breath.
“I’ve never seen this before, not in all my life, Y/N. I’ve heard rumors of it happening in small villages but I didn’t think-”
She rasped, “It was real? Yeah, me neither.”
“How long?”
“About four months now.”
“How could you wait this long? I’ve never heard of someone lasting more than six months without treatment!” She exclaimed, taking a step back. “It’s probably done irreversible damage to your lungs.”
She sighed, “I know.”
Tsunade turned her back to the girl and walked to the cabinet, pulling a tube and syringe from the drawer. “I need to take your blood, and we will have to schedule extensive scans and tests for later. I-I just can’t believe you of all kunoichi would disregard your health like this,” she scolded, working to tie a tourniquet around the young woman’s arm. “And to think we considered you as the sixth Hokage. Unbelievable.”
Wow, that was a low blow, but she rightfully deserved it.
Y/N knew what she had done was wrong and stupid, but she hadn’t changed her mind on what she wanted to do. She would let Tsunade do her testing, get some information and research done for healing others in the future, but she would refuse treatment. She hadn’t given up on her stance.
She didn’t even flinch as the needle pierced her vein and blood was pulled through. “I’m going to die soon, Tsunade.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. We have a cure-”
“Not an option.”
She raised a brow, peering up at the woman for a second from her handywork. “Not an option?! Don’t be fucking stupid.”
“I don’t want it,” she repeated herself firmly, despite the weakness in her voice, “We all know the tales. The terrible things that happen to a person’s emotions and memories during the treatment. I just can’t go through with it.”
“Well, you do know quite a few people are going to have a problem with that, don’t you?” A couple people came to mind, including the obvious ones like Kakashi and Shizune and her team, even if they’d grown independent of her by now. Her chest burned at the thought, and another cough ran through her.
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want a life without my memories. They are a part of me. He is a part of me.”
Tsunade tucked the vial of blood in her coat pocket and exhaled. In the stories, it was common for people with Hanahaki to react this way, to pick this option. It was cruel, but that is what love does. She could understand the inherent need to stay close to her lover, after all, the medical nin had lost the greatest loves of her entire life over the years and suffered every bit afterwards.
Certainly, she could understand the fear Y/N held in her heart. But letting herself die over it? It was tough to just watch that happen, yet she couldn’t make the decision for her.
“It’shim, isn’t it?”
“Depends on who you mean.”
“Don’t play me for an idiot. It’s Kakashi Hatake. It’s been obvious since I became Hokage, you fool. Why do you think I assigned you so many missions together?” Y/N only ducked her head, and the medical nin took that as confirmation of her suspicions. She rolled her eyes at the obvious nature of the entire thing. This really was foolish, just like this young woman. “You need to tell him.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
She confessed, “I’m scared. What if he doesn’t reciprocate? Wouldn’t I be a dummy then? Going through all of this suffering for nothing?”
“Is your life worth nothing to you?”
“It is, but I just can’t lose him, not when I have the choice,” Y/N told her elder with a deep sigh. “I’d like to die happy. I’d like to die with Kakashi at my side. Even if he only cares for me as a friend, I can still pretend with my last dying breaths that he loved me the same way I loved him.”
“And if he does love you?”
“He doesn’t.”
“You have no idea-”
“Kakashi will never love me in that way. There’s no point, and you can’t change my mind.”
“Fine, choose to live the rest of your life in agony because of your cowardice,” the blond put bluntly, turning her back to her patient. “But just know, whether Kakashi loves you romantically or not, he will miss you when you die. He will mourn your loss like no other. He will cry for nights on end and he will beg whatever fucking diety there is out there to bring you back to him.”
“Tsunade-”
“Trust me, you will never forget this kind of loss. It sticks with you, it haunts you, it makes you consider terrible, awful things just for a chance to see them again. Kakashi can’t lose someone else, Y/N,” she said, her head turned downward. “For fuck’s sake, girl, don’t be so selfish.”
With that, the woman left the room and shut the door harshly behind her. Y/N fell back on the patient’s table and shut her eyes, feeling tears brim the edges of her eyes. Was Tsunade right? Would Kakashi really react that way? She couldn’t possibly imagine him crying himself to sleep over someone as simple as her.
But after hearing such intense words, she wondered if maybe it was better to confess after all. Just to save her friend from a world of heartbreak. The decision would be hard to make, but she had time left. She still had so much time to make up her mind.
____
It was nearing the end, with the branches wrapping around her ribs and threatening to penetrate her organs. Y/N could tell that it was almost time to say goodbye, and each night as she lay in the hospital bed staring out the window, she cried. She didn’t know if she was doing the right thing, letting herself die. Her friends begged her to do something about it, to save herself but she just couldn’t.No matter how many long nights she spent contemplating everything, she couldn’t go through with the surgery.
The thought of that void in her heart forgetting Kakashi would make…it was too painful. Yes, she was terrified, and the pain meds they gave her could only do so much. She was in agony, and would be until her last moments. Kakashi sat at her side, book in hand but his eyes rarely went to scan the pages. Instead he watched her silently. Bravely. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t let her know how terrible he was feeling inside and make the whole experience worse for her. It was different dying on the battlefield, so quick you don’t know what’s happening to you until it’s already done.
Unlike now.
The researchers would come into the room every now and then to take notes on her condition, and the doctors would run through to make sure she was comfortable with what pain medication they had. Everything still hurt though, just not as bad as it had been before. She had a living, growing bush of roses in her chest. No amount of morphine could dull that ache.
“Do you think Gai will stop by again tonight?” she asked, feeling her heart beginning to race just at the thought of that loud mouthed, energetic fool coming to see her. While he could not match the somber atmosphere completely, he did try. “And Shizune?”
“I’m not sure.”
She turned her head to the side and coughed aggressively, blood splattering on the clean bed linens. She cleared her throat, spitting up the twigs that got stuck in her teeth. “Please, tonight, I need you to gather everyone. My old teammates, Gai, Naruto, Shizune. Bring them to me one last time.”
One last time? No. He shook his head. That couldn’t be right. She had more time left.
He reached over to gently cradle her cheek in his palm. She shivered at the feeling of his calloused fingertips against her neck, and at the intimate touch she couldn’t help but start having a fit. Her lungs seemed to be giving up on her as she coughed up flower after flower, littering her lap with sticky wet flora.
He still held her through it all. After all, he’d come every day and seen her at her worst. He might not be her lover, but she trusted him enough to hold her as she died so agonizingly slow. He had duties as Hokage, yes, but he would spend his days rushing work just to spend all night with her. The bags under his eyes darkened with each near sleepless night.
He cursed the man who caused this disturbing illness. He hadn’t even had the decency to visit her this entire time. After a month in the hospital, Kakashi asked for her visitor logs to see if there was some clue as to who was doing this to her. Only a few men around her age had visited: Gai, Genma, and Kakashi himself. It was hard to believe she’d developed romantic feelings for either of the other two men. She just never seemed close enough to them.
Maybe he was just dimwitted and hadn’t noticed her attachment to someone else. Maybe it was Genma, who knows. She wasn’t confessing to anyone. At this point, if he could get her to confess her undying love to even Orochimaru and see her live another day, he’d be content.
When she was done coughing, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and groaned, leaning her head further into his touch. It provided comfort, enough to ease the pain even a fraction. Her chest struggled to expand now, being full of thick restricting branches.
“Kakashi, I don’t think I can do this much longer,” she wheezed.
“I know.”
Maybe it was because her death wasn’t sudden, that he had time to prepare for it, but he didn’t feel tears in his eyes nor did he have a knot in his throat. He simply felt hopeless. He would lose another person he loved, viciously continuing an endless cycle of loss.
God, he loved her. For as long as he could remember, he had his eyes on her. Perhaps not always in the romantic sense, but he wanted her companionship. It wasn’t until he started having daily nightmares about her brutal death, whether it be by enemy or his own hand that he knew he was in too deep. He cared too much, and his desire to protect her interfered in his life. To make sure not a single bad thing ever happened to her again, it burdened him in his work and personal life. Ever since the abduction all those years ago, he realized he loved her, that he needed her to live until they grew old and bickered with each other in the retirement home. He had so many wants, so many fever dreams of a happy ending that would never come true.
It broke his heart.
“Are you sure you don’t want the treatment? It’s not too late,” he pleaded, even though he knew the answer.
“I’ve accepted what’s about to happen. You have too, haven’t you?” she tried to smile, “You were always the most mature out of all of us, you know.”
Not really. He would consider it anyone but him. Kurenai was a mother with a wise soul. Y/N was a strong warrior who didn’t like to play games. Gai was a gymnast who never stopped grinding once in his entire life. Kakashi compared to them was just a silly man stuck in the past, reading his romance novels and posing as a leader.
“Please, change your mind,” he tried once again, but she just ignored him, looking off into the room mindlessly. He felt his shoulders tense, and he tried to quell the anger that was bubbling in his stomach. He found himself spilling his thoughts faster than he could filter them out. “Look at me for once. Y/N. Just look me in the eyes and tell me you want to die. That is what you really want?”
She bit back a few tears as she turned her head and met his eyes. Her lips opened to say something, but she quickly shut them and turned her eyes away. She wasn’t suicidal. She wanted so badly to live, more than anything else in the world she wanted to live her full life with her family.
He nodded, confirming what he already thought.
He groaned, “Fuck, I’m tired of pretending this is okay. That you dying for some loser is something I’m okay with.”
“Kakashi-”
“No, you need to think about me for once. Me, alright? Have you ever considered my feelings for one second?” She pulled her head away from his hand and turned away, shame masking her eyes. Honestly, she hadn’t even thought about him as a friend. All this time, she only considered him a possible lover. Even after her conversation with Tsunade, she still only considered her own feelings. “I’ve spent years putting you on this pedestal. I’ve protected you the best I could from rogue ninja, terrorists, fuck, even resurrected Uchiha freaks. It feels like my entire life has revolved around you, and now you do this to me? You take away a piece of my heart so easily?”
She sniffled, lifting her hand to rub her eyes of any stray tears. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Exactly. You are selfish,” he said. He shut his eyes for a moment to take a breath. “Will you consider what I have to say?”
“I’ll try.”
“I have been thinking a lot lately about this entire thing and it’s all been so simple this entire time,” he muttered, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling for a moment as he worded his next statement. “We can be a family, Y/N. You and I. I know it might seem strange, the thought of coming home to my dumbass and a bunch of talking dogs, but I promise you, I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy.” The man reached out and took her hand in his. Her mouth felt dry as she processed his words, confusion and denial running thick in her mind. “If you get this treatment and you survive…maybe you can try loving me, because I can’t give up on you.”
“Kakashi, that’s not how this works.”
“Why not? Why can’t we have a happy ending?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Just be happy with me,” he pressed, squeezing her hand tightly in his. “I’d do anything for you, I’m just asking you to do one thing. Why can’t you just forget about that other bastard?”
She felt herself brimming over with emotion. A knife could cut through the tension in the hospital room and she felt the tears gather in the corners of her eyes. She squeezed them shut as the truth finally broke free. “Because you’re the reason this is happening to me. You caused this, and if you don’t love me right here and right now as we are, I can never get better.”
“You’re telling me-” he paused, a deep and tired groan leaving his lips. “Love you?! Of course I love you! What do you think all this was about? Why do you think I’ve been here every night mourning for you?” He questioned, standing from his seat and taking a step back. He ran a heavy hand through his hair as his eyes wandered the room. A strange mix of relief and frustration ran cold through his body as he thought about the mess they were in. “This whole time, I thought you knew. I thought you were in love with some other man and letting me down easy,” he told her.
The next breath she took was suddenly a lot easier.
“Oh.”
She leaned back in the bed, letting her empty head hit the pillows. All this pain, all this worrying, for nothing. She felt like the biggest idiot in the world. A huge coward for keeping this to herself when it could have been resolved months ago, when the first petal rose up in her throat. Yet, how was she supposed to know? He was a nice guy, she just assumed he acted similarly with everyone.
“I just wish you would have said something to me. Any hint at how you felt. All this suffering was for nothing,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Despite being elated that the woman of his dreams was in fact in love with him all this time, he was exasperated and tired. The emotional turmoil everyone was going through because of this foolish relationship was embarrassing now that everything was seemingly resolved.
“I’m sorry, Kakashi. I don’t know what to say. I was just too afraid of rejection. I was so scared because I knew I was dying, but the thought of losing you,Kakashi, I couldn’t stand it. I would rather die than lose those feelings,” Y/N explained. Her hands quivered in her lap as she confessed such deeply emotional thoughts to him, things she had kept buried inside her for months now. “I’ve spent years not acknowledging it. I only realized after you stood there waiting for me in that terrible storm on the day I nearly lost my life how much you meant to me. You were the home I wanted to come back to.”
He could only stare at her weakly, his lips turned down in a pitiful wince. They really were a pathetic bunch, dancing around their feelings for so long it led to something so disastrous as this. He hadn’t confided in a single person his feelings for the woman. He was a private person. He just wondered if maybe he had told someone, maybe if he confessed to her all those years ago when he fell in love for the first time, things would be different.
“I was serious when I said we could be a family. I know it’s not much, and I know I’m busy with work most days, but I would like to try,” he said. “I can take care of you, Y/N, for the rest of our lives. All I’ve ever wanted was to take care of you, to wrap you up and protect you from this awful world. I’m just so disappointed I was the one that put you in this position.”
“It’s okay now.” Her hand reached out to grab ahold of his, hanging limply at his side. She gave it a light squeeze, still absent of the majority of her strength, although it was slowly beginning to sink back in. “I’m excited to see what you and I become. Kakashi, you truly are the love of my life.“
"The feeling is mutual. I guess it always has been, huh?”
She nodded, letting her soft lips curl into a weak smile just for him, just for this moment they shared together.
“I’m going to get a nurse and tell them what happened. They probably want to check on you.”
With a nod from her end, he walked out the room and into the hall, waving down one of the many nurses that he’d seen working at her bedside in the past few weeks. Fearing for the worst, she shot him a concerned look as the blood drained quickly from her face, “Lord Hokage, is there something I can help you with?” the young girl asked hesitantly, a bit of a shake in her words.
“Seems things are improving now.”
Her brows softened with sympathy. Their poor Kakashi, holding onto hope that his long time best friend wasn’t going to die. It was heartbreaking to see really. Painfully, she replied, “Improving? That’s impossible, she’s a Hanahaki patient, the only way to-”
“Yes, I know. And like I said, she’s improving now.”
“What do you mean-” It was as if the gears had shifted in her head. Her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened, “Oh my Lord, let me get the CNO.” She stumbled over her words as she started down the hall in the opposite direction. He watched as her lips giddily curled up into a smile. After a moment, he grinned to himself and leaned against the wall, shutting his eyes for just a moment.
Nurses came rushing down the hall almost as quickly as the girl left and rushed in the room, leaving him behind to sink into his thoughts. He had yet to really process the situation but it was finally sinking in now. How much this woman loved him, how much a single person could care about him when he thought he was alone on this earth. He felt a flutter in his stomach.
Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all.
A/N: that’s it, guys! Tell me what you think and if you want more Kakashi content in the future! Have a wonderful day!
Summary: Reader has been friends with Kakashi for as long as she can remember, but recently, she has been developing more intense feelings for him. Hanahaki au, reader inflicted.
A/N: sorry ive been gone for so long. Life has been kicking my ass, but im trying to get back on my feet. I will try to post more often, but i cant make any promises. I can only write when im listening to extremely sad music, so if you have any gut wrenching, cry-your-eyes-out recommendations, leave a comment please!
Word count: 4500
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It was widely accepted as time went on that Y/N and her entire team died. They left six months ago and hadn’t sent word back since week two. The mission wasn’t supposed to last any longer than three weeks, and constant relaying of information was supposed to take place. Only, communications had been cut off without warning, summons weren’t coming back home to report on the situation at hand, and not a single member had been seen since they left.
It was as if they’d fallen off the face of the Earth. The Hokage was beginning to plan a memorial service to honor them and their sacrifice to the village, after concluding that the shinobi were most likely dead. They couldn’t afford to throw even more money into the search when time kept passing and nothing was coming of it. Any remnants of hope Tsunade had was gone.
The rescue missions they did conduct had more than disappointing results. Trails of blood outside the city where the missing persons were assigned espionage. Abandoned bags with all their resources left behind. Scuffled footprints left in the deep set mud. Seeing all the evidence made it nearly impossible to remain positive.
Four shinobi left for that mission. One of them, the leader, just so happened to be Y/N L/N. Talented jounin and even more so, a beloved friend.
It was difficult for those close to her to accept her demise. It took all of those six months for people to come to terms with the horrific conclusion. Kakashi, despite normally tackling death smoothly due to their line of work, couldn’t accept that she was dead. Not without a body. Not without some kind of proof. She was strong. Stronger than the majority of people he knew. There was no way she just succumbed to the enemy like that.
Really though, he just couldn’t admit that another person he had grown comfortable with was dead. Just like all the others that had come before her, bloodied and murdered. It depressed him, and as much as he tried to contain his emotions, those that interacted with him noticed. As much as Gai could try to cheer him up with pointless challenges, no matter how many times Yamato took him out to get absolutely hammered at the bar, or how many missions Tsunade sent him on to subvert his attention. The pain persisted.
He had other things to worry about as well. With the upcoming war, Jiraiya’s death, and the Akatsuki fucking everything up, he should have been on top of his game. Instead, he stayed up long nights willing her to come back alive. He replayed the moment Tsunade suggested they hold a memorial. Shizune sobbing upon the loss of her childhood friend. Gai hanging his head, palms pressed to his eyes. As he lay in his bed, he could feel the way his heart ached at each mention of her name, each time her face flashed through his mind.
Kakashi was heartbroken. He fought for the dates to be pushed back. Each week that passed, he begged that they have more time, that she would be back. It was pathetically sad, he knew this. He could feel the pity from Tsunade run off in waves. He wasn’t ready to mourn her death. All the man wanted was more time.
And then one day a few little academy students found a squad of nearly unrecognizable injured and bloodied people in the forest, trekking the best they could toward the village. They didn’t know who the strangers were, why would they? They were just school kids, barely 10 years old. A bunch of old jounin having gone missing months ago wasn’t something they concerned themselves with.
Kakashi heard whispers about it from shinobi rushing to the Hokage’s office, but no one was saying anything concrete. No one could confirm it was them.Not yet.
A crew of Anbu was sent out to retrieve the stragglers, everyone hoping deep in their hearts that they’d be met with familiar faces.
He waited for her for nearly an hour, rain pouring down heavily and soaking into his clothes and hair, sending shivers down his spine. Perhaps he would end up with a cold the next day, he didn’t care. When he thought about her, as he stood out there in the inclement weather, his lips curled up. If she were here, she’d have scolded him for being so ridiculous.
She’d usher him into the nearest shop and rub up and down his arms, trying to warm them with the little heat she had coming from her palms. The woman would hush him as he tried to defend himself, telling him not to worry so much and that she could handle herself. That’s always how she was, so worried about him yet uncaring about herself. Some would call her selfless, he would just call her stupid.
But he still cared for her. More than he realized.
That’s why he waited.
When they entered the village, being carried by multiple other shinobi from the village, blood seeping into their clothes and dripping into the sand below their feet, Kakashi felt his heart stop. He saw her teammates limping along with their arms over another’s shoulders. That, or they were being carried, incapacitated in the arms of a fellow soldier.
She was at the end of the line behind all the others who pulled themselves through the gates of their hometown. She was beaten to a pulp, blood drenched and purple from bruises. Her head was wrapped in makeshift bandages and her legs wobbled beneath her. He could see her arm broken, hanging limply at her side. A member of the Anbu carried her against his side as she struggled to even take each step.
Her eyes lifted from the ground to those who stood waiting for their arrival. Immediately, hers caught hold of the man who’d been waiting all this time.
“Kakashi?” she called out, weakly but still her voice found him through the chorus of moans and groans from her teammates and the downpour of the rain around them. Thunder crackled in the background as his feet hit the ground and he rushed across the street to her.
“L/N, you son of a bitch,” he said, grabbing her by the waist without a second thought and tugging her body tightly to his chest, away from the hands of the Anbu soldier. She gasped, feeling his heart beating against her chest at the touch, fast and intense like a drum. Frostbitten fingers held her up by her waist while the other hand wound its way into her slick wet hair.
“Your hands. They-they’re so cold. Kakashi, you shouldn’t be out here like this!” she cried with the energy she had left in her chest. At the mere touch of his hands on her bare skin, she felt excitement fuel her mind. Thoughts rushed as her skin grew warm under his horrified gaze. These feelings, the warm and bubbly ones growing in her chest, were new, but she welcomed them without question after everything she had been through.
There was something else about him waiting out there, his frantic eyes, clothes soaking down to his bone with that icy cold water, that disturbed something deep inside her chest, burrowed down against her heart and rapidly inflating lungs. She brushed off the feeling, putting it down as simple relief from serious homesickness. There was no way to anticipate what had become of her feelings at that point, how they would ravage her body in a few years time, what had started to grow.
“Me? What about you? Everyone thought you died.”
She peered up into his eyes, water dripping down from his shaggy bangs on display without his headband. Those irises were dark as always, but at the sight of her alive, they shined. “We were kidnapped. Tortured…Kakashi,” she confessed, “Even I thought we were going to die.”
“I could have protected you.” His hands found their way to cradling her cheeks, running his fingers along the raw and red skin that had been weathered all these months. Her face was littered with little cuts, both open and some that were in the process of healing into scars. “I should have come to find you-”
“It’s not your fault. You had other missions to take care of. No one could have predicted this.” The woman sighed audibly and let her head fall to rest in his hand. Why did this touch feel so good? It was like heaven on Earth, she thought as he ran his thumbs along her cheekbones. So comforting she wanted to curl up and fall asleep.
“We knew it was dangerous. Too dangerous, even for a four man squad.”
As she was about to protest, arguing that if she had been a better squad leader when approaching the enemy they could have avoided all this trouble, a voice called out from the gates. Sakura, of all people, standing there with a makeshift umbrella over her head made of a manilla folder.
“Kakashi-sensei, Y/N needs to get to the hospital now! No time to stand around!” she called through the heavy downpour, and he nodded. It probably wasn’t good for Y/N to be limping around on her broken up body any longer than she had to, and standing in this weather certainly wouldn’t help any. “I’ll meet you there. We already got a bed set up.”
Y/N clutched onto Kakashi’s arm and made a move to take a tentative, painful step forward, only to be stopped. “Let’s go,” she urged, peering up at him.
“Let me carry you.”
“Uh, what?”
“It’s a long way across town, you know. Aren’t you in pain?”
She nodded, but still, she felt herself dying a little bit on the inside at the thought of walking past all the people in town being cradled in his arms. People might get the wrong idea. “Yeah, I guess. It’s just embarrassing,” she mumbled. But really, her legs were killing her, and she would rather just relax until she got to the hospital than be in more excruciating pain. “Fine…You can, but don’t make it weird.”
“No one’s making it weird. I’m just being friendly.”
Friendly, my ass. More like flirty, she thought to herself. Whatever. Kakashi was still a pervert after all..
He lifted her slowly into his arms as she groaned at the pressure shifting. She let her head fall heavy against his chest and shut her eyes, taking deep breaths to work through the pain running through her body. She was safe now. All the anxiety and fear she’d held for so many months could flow away now that she was in the arms of a friend and in the care of a village which loved her.
As he walked across town, she felt nearly lulled to sleep by his pace and the gentle footsteps he took across dirt roads. Most people were inside at this time, but she did hear a couple shouts from people standing under their carts and in their storefronts, asking if everything was okay.
“Y/N’s back home,” he would reply shortly and they would cry back with relief in their voice. She felt pride in her chest knowing that the people of the town knew and respected her, that they were hoping for her safe return. Even if she wasn’t the best shinobi, she still was worth something to this village.
They got to the hospital in a pretty timely manner, considering he was extra careful not to jostle her around too much. He went to drop her off in her bed as the ward nurses rushed around with all kinds of equipment.
He was content, running his hand once more over her hair and down her cheek. No one could really tell how he felt from his masked lips, a smile only present in the way his eyes sparkled down at her lying in the thin white sheets. It flustered her, seeing how happy he was solely because of her. Surely, she wasn’t that special. “Kakashi?” she asked, interrupting the thick silence.
“I have to go, but I’ll take you out for drinks after you’re all fixed up, alright?” he told her, giving her shoulder one final squeeze as he backed away from the bed.
“I’ll hold you to that offer, you know,” Y/N called behind him as he walked toward the door. She didn’t want him to go. She wanted to keep talking, just enough conversation to keep him by her side for a little longer. Unfortunately, the hustle and bustle of the hospital room made that impossible, not to mention she would be stripped and examined, and she’d prefer if he wasn’t around for that part.
“I know.”
She leaned back in the bed as the door swung shut behind him. Once the door was shut, scissors began their work to cut away at the fishnets on her arms and her legs.
“You’re so lucky, Miss Y/N,” one of the nurses, who was beginning to examine some of the wounds on her face muttered giddily. Y/N raised a brow, shocked that someone could say that to her after she had literally been missing for months and held hostage, but still, she let the younger nurse continue. “We all wish we had a hot guy friend like Kakashi.”
“What?!” Y/N choked.
“She’s right. Kakashi is the sexiest man in town and he’s all over you! He acts all tough with everyone else but is a total sweetheart for you!” Another one of the nurses laughed. Y/N felt her face beginning to get hot, and she shook her head. “You should save some for the rest of us, haha.”
“Kakashi is not sexy…He’s a bumbling idiot, is what he is. An absolute scoundrel. A-A pervert.”
The nurse pressed a gauze to a particularly deep gash on the side of her temple, right on the hairline and shook her head. “Maybe he is those things, but damn, have you seen his arms? So strong. You could really see his muscles with his clothes soaked by the rain.” The nurse shook as if a shiver ran down her spine at the thought of the man.
Y/N really hadn’t ever looked at her friend like that. They were simply that…Friends. He was never sexy, or hot, or handsome. He was a stupid loser who cried over porn novel plots when he got a little too drunk. He was a smelly guy who slept with his ninkin because he was single, and only had like two friends.
“I’ve never seen him that way before,” she confessed quietly. Her mind was wandering to thoughts of his body, and she sighed, shaking her head. This was wrong. She couldn’t objectify him that way. He was just Kakashi, nothing special, nothing to gush about.
“I’m surprised. Always thought he liked you.”
“Me? God, no.”
“Well, why not? He cares about you enough,” one nurse commented offhandedly. “The village had given up on you four shinobi, but Kakashi, he never lost faith that you would come back. He was the sole reason your memorial was pushed back for so long.”
“Oh.” She didn’t expect that.
“How dreamy…All my lousy boyfriend does is complain about my cooking.”
The nurses continued to talk, but the conversation had now drifted off to griping about their own boyfriends and husbands which Y/N couldn’t care less about. Her mind wandered to the man who’d been so kind as to wait for her in the rain and carry her all the way here. He wasn’t ugly, she could see that much. Did that mean he was handsome? Well, she’d never thought about it before, but now that she did, they were right.
He was better looking than the majority of the men she’d encountered in her life. He was manly and intense, even with the mask on to conceal half his features. Still, recognizing that her friend was attractive did not mean that she had any sort of attraction toward him as a person.
There was no way she could develop feelings for such a fool. That quiver in her heart when she saw him waiting for her at the gates? That was just a fluke. And the nauseous feeling she got when his hands touched her skin? Nothing but human nature. Her desperately wanting him to stay with her in this hospital room, after being away from him for far too long? She was just home sick, and he was a small portion of the place she called home. These ladies were delusional if they thought she felt anything more than friendship for him.
Kakashi? As a boyfriend?
Gross. Of course not. Completely out of the question.
_______
Over the course of the war, and the years following, Y/N had grown a little too familiar with Kakashi Hatake, more so than ever before. It was as if those nurses years ago foretold her future.
She loved him. She knew that now.
He was a friend, one of the greatest to ever exist, despite his denial of it all. They fought alongside each other in multiple wars, conquering enemies while protecting the other. It was a partnership she was more than happy to have, ecstatic someone was there to have her back when things were looking grim. He, Shizune, and even Gai and Genma had been there for so long she couldn’t remember a life without them.
Kakashi was different though. As she watched him rise from a jounin into the Hokage they knew, she felt her heart begin to flutter when he called for her, or when he took the time out of his day to come by her house. He was all too important, and she was merely an ant under his feet. She longed for his touches and his ever-so tired words to fall from his lips. He was so unobtainable, and perhaps that made her want him even more.
After she arrived home from her disaster of a mission, things truly began to fall apart. She couldn’t keep her composure anymore. She was only anxious in the beginning. How could she not be? She harbored a love for her best friend and Hokage, someone so far out of her league she couldn’t even fathom admitting her feelings to him now. She wasn’t a child anymore; they were adults with responsibilities. They didn’t have time to fool around with these antics.
He didn’t have time to settle down with her, or whatever a love between them would blossom into. They barely had time to go out and get drinks every couple of weeks for a few hours. How could they date? It was completely hopeless. Not that any of those problems mattered considering the fact that he didn’t harbor the same feelings she had for him. It was embarrassing really. Having a crush at the ripe age of 32? Unreciprocated? So stupid. Y/N wanted to bury her head in the sand for being so foolish.
She was so busy wallowing in her own shame and pity that she hadn’t even noticed the signs.
Almost as quickly as she felt the emotions brew up in her chest and her love grow firm, they started.
The coughing fits.
It only felt like a small cold at first. Coughing in the middle of the night and needing to drink some water to get back to bed. Maybe it was just allergies, she thought, after weeks had passed and the sickness remained. Maybe she had caught a virus from another nation and the antidote was something foreign. Surely that must be it, she thought after a month.
Desperately, the woman tried to ignore the nagging feeling deep in her chest, pooling in her stomach. This sickness felt sinister, forcefully aggressive in the most intimate sort of way. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was grappling at her ribcage, digging it’s way to her lungs and her heart. Burrowing inside. She held her head high and ignored it.
She was a kunoichi. After years and years of fighting, her body had been through worse more times than she could count. Y/N could handle it. That’s what she assumed, anyway.
She was mid-training session, deep in the woods where she focused on developing new jutsu when it was finally revealed to her just what was wrong. Quiet wind blew past her face and whipped at her cheeks. With this cold, she knew it wasn’t wise to be out in winter, only putting further strain on her lungs which struggled to take in air. Still, she needed to train, to work; it was the only thing that kept her head afloat.
Kakashi was so busy. It seemed like recently she only ever saw Kurenai and Gai. Being Hokage was never a position he wanted, but he fulfilled the role well. She wished to spend more time with him. To see his face and to hear him chuckle from beneath his mask. Everyday, she felt herself growing more desperate for him. Yet, she kept herself from acting a fool.
She didn’t burden him with the knowledge of her growing illness. He didn’t need any more stress on his mind; he was busy worrying over an entire nation after all. It broke her heart being so distant, to not sit down and share her secrets and concerns with him like before.
She felt her stomach turn, sick at the thought of missing him, the man of her affections.
That single moment, with the turn of an upset stomach and the clench of her longing heart in her chest, is when it started.An awful heavy feeling sinking deep into her abdomen and clouding her mind of every coherent thought. She choked on the frigid air whipping by her face as it clashed with the fire lit ablaze.
The woman fell to the ground, knees digging into the soft dirt. Her lungs were like lead forcing her to the ground while a powerful burn ran through them up into her throat. Coughs wrecked her body which curled in on itself as the fit grew more intense. Fingers desperately clutched at the fabric above her heart and the necklace around her throat.
The pain was something unlike anything she knew. It burned deeper than she thought a simple cough or cold could. Tears grew in her eyes as she struggled to breath through the coughs full of rage and anger.
After a minute of hacking up what she assumed was her entire lung, something foreign left her mouth. The coughing subsided and she gasped for air, shutting her eyes and relishing in the relief. Only, that feeling was short lived as her eyes opened to peer down at what she’d choked up only a moment ago.
Some sort of flower petals littered the ground at her knees. She stared in disbelief. It was merely a legend among the old, rumors and tall tales passed along from generation to generation. It wasn’t something anyone ever took seriously. After all, it had been seemingly hundreds of years since a victim fell ill in the Leaf Village. There wasn’t a single person alive that had seen it first hand.
At first, she thought she might be hallucinating.
But as she reached down to thumb the petals, slick with her saliva, everything became eerily real. A heavy feeling fell on her chest and her breaths quickened, dread hanging over her head. This sickness she was having, it wasn’t caused by some reversible virus, one that could be fixed with an antidote. She was cursed. Ill beyond normal repair.
Hanahaki disease.
Caused by unrequited love.
She was so naive to think that letting herself develop these feelings for Kakashi would remain a harmless secret for as long as it lasted. Of course, it was just her luck that something like this would happen. Right after fighting a war, it seemed she would be fighting her own as well.
For now, she would keep it to herself, see how it progressed. From what she remembered of her grandmother talking about the disease, there were only two ways to cure it. Professing your love to the object of your affection and them reciprocating or a more tortuous route: surgery to remove the growing flora in your chest, but at the cost of forgetting every feeling and memory associated with your person. If no decision is made, the branches will continue to grow until you die a painful death.
If her ancestor was right all those years ago, Y/N would have quite the choice to make.
She wasn’t sure she could forget about Kakashi. The memories she had with him brought her more joy than anyone could imagine. She couldn’t give that up. She loved him. He was a critical part of her and she wasn’t willing to break herself up into pieces just to be cured.
She would rather die than give up on him. She was fine with dying as just friends, knowing him and the things he’d done for her over the years. Anything but losing him forever.
Confessing would be hard, if not impossible. She would wait to make her choice, wait for it to get worse. If she got scared enough, surely she would crumble and confess her feelings to him. It all felt pointless though. He clearly did not have feelings for her. He was never the type to have lovey emotions. He would just reject her, her condition would become critical, and she would be forced to get the surgery anyway.
Maybe if he rejected her, it would be easier letting go of her precious memories
Fear crept under her skin and made room in her heart. What if he didn’t mind losing her forever? They wouldn’t have the time to mend their friendship back into one they had developed over so many years. He might just move on and forget about her, as much as she hated to think about. He seemed to care about her, even if they were only coworkers and coincidentally friends. Surely he would at least be a bit upset.
Honestly, there was no way to tell how Kakashi would react to the news of her losing all connection to him. He was elusive even in the most revealing of moments. Only a few times had he truly revealed his raw emotions to her. Sure, she liked to believe he would be upset, but if she was still alive and healthy, would he really complain? The morning’s breakfast rose in her throat as self-doubt clouded her vision.
Y/N swallowed down her struggles for now. She had to live in the present, and as of right now she was still friends with Kakashi, she was healthy enough to live her life, everything was going fine.
Everything is almost set up so that I have access to a computer again to finish the shikamaru and Kakashi requests!! After that I decided I may try my hand at jujutsu kaisen x reader bc Im currently working on the manga.
So sorry about not being here to write for so long. It’s been very difficult for me.
Woo hello guys, basically i am trying to revive this mf blog lmao
I am going to check up on it more often and stuff too!
IN THE MEANTIME please send in thirsts, imagines, hcs and basically anything that you think of about a certain character or characters. My inbox is wide open for yall <3
Summary: Your blind love for Sasuke was far too dangerous but your devotion for him didn’t stop you from making sure he was alright even if that made you get caught up in the Akatsuki and Orochimaru.
Warnings: none
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The day Sasuke had left you behind was a day that remained at the top of your head for years. You can recall every little detail of it, every word of the conversation you two had and the tears you shed as he turned his back to you and dismissed you so coldly when you found out about his plan to leave.
You had tried convincing him to stay but his mind was made up and it made you more paranoid about when he’ll leave and if you leave his side, would he take that chance to run away. So, you tried to stay beside him as much as possible.
Even forced him to stay in your room to talk like you two usually do when something was on your mind that bothered you too much to keep in.
In his head, he thought what he was doing was best suited for him and his revenge to kill his older brother Itachi, even if that meant leaving you behind. Obviously he didn’t want to, he fought himself a few times about whether or not he should continue the cold attitude and hurt your feelings so you wouldn’t come after him.
It hurt him to see you so upset, to see you in pain and it hurt him to slip those strong sleeping pills in your water to make sure you wouldn’t wake up and chase after him in the middle of the night.
He watched over you as you slept peacefully even though once you wake, it’ll be far from peaceful. Your friendship with Sasuke has always been up and down since you two met after he became the very last of his clan.
He was very sad and lonely at first, making you sad and want to keep him company as he sat by the water and bottled up his anger. At first he would push you away, tried to be mean and have you leave him alone but you were always stubborn.
It didn’t take long for you to always be side by side, even though you two were opposites. He was always cold, mean attitude and kept to himself. You were the social one, always laughing but could have an attitude if needed.
As time slowly progressed, your feelings for him had slowly blossomed. You were never scared to show or admit any emotion towards him, it’s not like he could hurt your feelings anyways considering you were so used to his cold tone and harsh words.
So the flirting and teasing you did towards him did nothing but entertain you to get a reaction out of him even though deep down your feelings were there and evident.
After you had woken up from your deep slumber, you found out from Naruto about Sasuke’s disappearance and him running off to seek more power and get his revenge.
This sent you in a spiral as well, you two became a pair and without one, the other would be out of place and not themselves. That’s exactly how you felt for years, you felt like a robot, working solely as a machine to become the best Ninja you could be.
You only trained and when you were not training, you were gathering information on Sasuke and his location which always led to dead ends. The years of being alone made you crazy, love crazy even.
You would do anything for him, even if that meant ditching the Leaf village and becoming a rogue ninja like he did. You were devoted to him and Sasuke knew that, it was only a matter of time before you would catch up to him and come hunt him down.
But It made you feel stupid that he left you behind so easily, it made you feel stupid for believing he’ll actually stay behind for you so just like he did, the anger bottled up, the betrayal.
You had made sure to gather everything you needed to be confident in going out on the search mission on your own. It was an easy mission to do, you made sure to lie and tell everyone you didn’t feel good- it’s not like they would possibly come over and check on you and you’ll most likely only be gone a few days.
Everything had to be perfect. The time being three in the morning, the only time the guards were half asleep and not as alert as any other time which made it perfect to sneak out of the village with no trace of where you’ll be headed.
It wasn’t long till it was the following day, the sun beaming down on you as you stood in the middle of a desert where it was suspected to be Orochimaru’s many hideouts. You sighed to yourself, your feet hitting down on the dirt and rocks as you tried to find an entrance.
Kabuto had noticed an alert that signaled somebody was passing out the hideout which led him to you. He had kept his distance at first, staying hidden as you find the entrance and not hesitate to walk inside and become trapped when he stepped inside behind you.
“Now, what are you doing here?” He spoke up, amusement written all over his face knowing his master would have fun toying with you.
You didn’t even bother turning around to make eye contact with him, you knew who it was and you weren’t all that bothered. You were confident you could take him on but it wasn’t exactly on your to do list, you were set on finding Sasuke first so you started to move your feet down the long hallway full of doors.
“I asked you a question.” He was growing impatient, quickly grabbing your upper arm and that made you quickly turn and hold a kunai up to his throat but his reflexes were just as the same as yours.
The both of you stood there, knives pointed at each other practically having a stare off until Orochimaru heard the exchange happen and appear on the other side of you.
“What do we have here? Another toy.” He had a nasty grin on his face, forcing you to drop the kunai on the floor and huff out a breath.
“I’m only here for Sasuke.” Was all you said, did you need to say anymore? No, that’s the only reason you were there.
You couldn’t care about the other two nor could you care about getting in a fight with them but you knew it was going to happen but will you start a fight or give up and hope Sasuke would turn up.
“And why would I let you near my most precious Sasuke?” He asked, almost dumbfounded that you thought you could walk in here so easily and demand the one person he would kill anyone for.
“Y/N?” You heard his voice before you could even answer Orochimaru’s question, your eyes instantly moving to meet his.
He looked different, older obviously but different in a good way. It actually made your heart pound in your chest and when you tried to step towards him, both of the men quickly held a tight grip on you.
Sasuke was confused but not surprised that you found him, you were smart and a great Ninja, he knew it was going to happen eventually but he didn’t think it would be this soon.
His eyes scanned over your face, the memories of you two were now fresh in his mind. Your face reminded him of all the moments you two shared whether it was good or bad. He could see it in your eyes that you were in love with him, that you would get on your knees and make his every wish come true.
He could tell just how blind you truly were to everything, how your devotion for him could kill you so easily. You were asking to be killed just by coming here and yet here you were standing right in front of him.
The tight grip the two men had on you didn’t last long, you made sure it didn’t once you saw his face. You snatched yourself out of their grips and quickly walked over to where he was, making his eyes go wide in shock at how determined you were.
You stood in front of him, he was now much taller than you but that didn’t stop you from raising your hand and landing a punch straight to his jaw, making him stumble back and taste the blood inside of his mouth.
“I deserved that one.” He scoffed, licking his lips and rubbed jaw with his fingertips.
The emotions, the anger, the sadness, it all came bubbling up as you punched him. You wanted to scream at him, you wanted to cry, you wanted to hold him. Everything was overwhelming so all you could do is punch him then embrace him in a tight hug.
He groaned, his hands quick to try and pry you off, almost forgetting just how touchy you were with him when you two were kids.
“C’mon, we’re not kids anymore. Why the hell are you here? You could’ve gotten yourself killed, Y/N.” He eased up once he looked back into your eyes, the faint memories replaying in his head repeatedly.
“I.. I’ll do anything for you. Just don’t send me back to the village, let me stay.” He stared at you like you were crazy, he couldn’t imagine you were doing all of this just because you loved him so much.
“You’re fucking insane. Did anyone else come with you?”
“No, just me.”
“Sasuke, if she doesn’t leave I’m going to have to force her out of here. She could be lying and the hidden leaf could be outside waiting for us.” Kabuto spoke up, making Sasuke’s eyes dart to him, giving him a glare.
“I trust her, no one is here and no one is going to lay a finger on her.” He warned the both of them and even though he hated the fact you were here and he tried his best to pull the bad guy act, he still wouldn’t let any harm come your way.
“Orochimaru,” Kabuto began to speak to protest against what Sasuke was saying, they can’t afford to keep you here, they couldn’t even afford to keep you alive for knowing this much.
“Hm, I suppose we are just going to have to trust Sasuke on this but she can’t stay.” He hummed, restraining himself to want to somewhat toy with you and see why his precious skin suit is so invested in you.
Sasuke had nodded, grabbing your arm and started to lead you towards the exit doors but you were stubborn and you were set on staying beside him, even if that meant becoming rogue or fighting Orochimaru, you didn’t care.
“Please, I can’t go back.” You mumbled to him, his eyes looking down to meet yours and he sighed to himself.
“Then why the fuck did you come here? I left you behind for a reason, to actually have a good life without me there to fuck it all up, Y/N.” He started to get frustrated but the soft look in your eyes had made him feel sad for leaving you.
“I don’t know, I just.. I care about you. I love you.” You admitted, making him shake his head repeatedly and hold his hands up.
“No, no. Naruto is going to come looking for you. You need to go back.”
“Not without you, Sasuke.” You cut him off mid sentence, reaching over to grab a hold of his hand but he stepped back to prevent that from happening.
He knew he couldn’t say no to you and he’s always known that since you two were little. He always gave you what you wanted or else you’ll just constantly bicker until then.
He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss that but he couldn’t afford to miss this opportunity to take down Itachi, he even had a solid plan to kill Orochimaru before he became only a skin suit for him to wear and jump around in.
But you showing up made his plans a little more tricky and considering you won’t leave without a fight, he was trying to search his brain on how to work with you here.
“Wait for me at the edge of the forest, if I don’t come back in an hour- go back to the village. Promise me.” He started to say, making you shake your head but he gripped onto your shoulders and stared down at you.
“Promise me, Y/N. I have shit to take care of first, I’ll meet you there, I swear.” You sighed at his words, nodding your head.
You didn’t bother to speak as the sadness started to weigh down on you heavily. You wanted to trust him, you wanted to believe he would come back for you but it was hard to tell, it was hard to believe in the state he’s in right now.
You were lucky he didn’t kill you or whoop your ass right here for hunting him down when he specifically told you not to but you couldn’t just not search for him, you couldn’t stand in the village and pretend to be happy while he was out here drowning in his own anger, it was slowly killing him.
You turned to walk away towards the forest, but halfway there you had the gut feeling to turn back around and go back to him. It took you a few minutes of thinking about it till you decided to.
Your feet started to walk back towards the hideout but as Sasuke dealt with his Orochimaru business and got rid of it permanently, it had gotten a little more messy than he would have liked.
He got himself in a sticky situation that he wasn’t too sure how to handle it but he knew he would be able to. That is until you came in anyways, taking the kunai and plunging it inside of Orochimaru’s chest, making everyone freeze and stare at you in shock.
Your mind had went blank and your body was set in defensive mode when you had seen Sasuke stuck. You had dug the blade as deep as you could, Kabuto not wanting to even bother before he made a run for it for himself, his other plans needing to be attended to.
“I told you to wait by the forest!” He had shouted at you but in the back of his head, he was somewhat relieved.
And there it was again, the devotion and love you had for him written all over your face as you stood up straight and looked up at him. He felt a sense of sadness, like it was his fault he had screwed you up this badly. It was his fault you were like this and it was his fault that the years he left you behind, you became a machine that only granted his wish and kept him safe.
Deep down the emotions he had for you was buried inside of his chest, he tried to get rid of them, tried to not think about them but you appearing here in front of him today had made every little drop of emotion and memory he had for you fresh in his brain.
He had decided to let you tag along with him, he decided he needed someone to be beside him like a partner, like a sidekick. He couldn’t look at you and tell you to go back to the hidden leaf anyways, he would be too upset to watch you go so you stayed and now you both were labeled as Rogue Ninja of the Leaf.
.
.
.
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Idk how I feel about this one but whoever requested this long ago and ended up getting the draft and message deleted, hope it met the expectations omgggg
Week 2: Dating|Day 13: Naruto is certain that he is going to share his first kiss with you.
Pairing: Naruto Uzumaki x gn!Reader
Note: Day 13 is here with blonde Naruto! This was really fun to write!
“Y/N, this way.” Naruto energetically waved his hand, standing beneath an oak tree. He helped you up the large branches and the both of you settled on a wide, stable one. “Careful, don’t knock yourself over!”
“You made all of this?” You ogled at the sight of the grand dinner Naruto prepared for the two of you. You remembered you once arbitrarily told him that it would be lovely to be dining up here while sighting Konoha and enjoying each other’s company. It never occurred to you that the blonde would take it by heart and actually turned your imagination into reality.
“How is it? Surprised?” He patted the space next to him for you to move closer. “It’s my first time eating up here, well, with someone.”
You sat dangling your legs from the branch, assessing the food Naruto laid out on a gingham picnic blanket. “Not bad.”
“That’s it?”
Teasingly, you crossed your arms and lifted your chin. “Yeah, could have been better.”
“You won’t get any of this, then.” He fumed and started eating, completely ignoring your laughter on the sidelines. When you lifted your chopsticks in an attempt to get a taste of his over-fried dumplings, Naruto swung your chopsticks away with his. “You’re not getting any of myfood.”
“I was just joking!” You whined, desperate at the exaggerated expression he made when swallowing a mouthful of ramen. “I really want to try your cooking. I’m sorry.”
“No way, you hurt my dignity.” He shook his head, picked up a piece of dumpling, and dipped it in the thick, rich sauce, waving it in the air to rouse both your appetite andanger.
“I’m sorry, Naruto—”
Then, he suddenly leaned in and kissed you on the lips, cutting you off your words. “Apology accepted.”
You froze on the spot, still paralyzed after he pulled away. “Y-You—”
And just like that, he plopped the piece of dumpling into your hanging mouth, turning around to hide his flushing cheeks. You almost choked on the dumpling following the series of events that all happened within a split second.
Your hands came up to feel your lips on their own, stammering once you swallowed the dumpling, “Naruto, did you just—”
“How was it?” He cleared his throat. “The dumpling.”
*nemesism:frustration, anger or aggression directed inward, toward oneself and one’s way of living.
a/n: can you tell im in a naruto mood? :) also, i find itachi hard to write for because i don’t know if because of what happened to him he’d ever would’ve been capable of love. i do, however, think he was an incredibly kind man and thus, this was born.
word count: 1,308
“Is being partnered with me that daunting?”
Huffing, you dig your nails into the palm of your hand.
You wished he’d just, quite honestly, fuck off.
“For your information,” you curtly reply, head whipping over your shoulder to send a nasty glare his way. “It is.”
“Why?”
There he goes again.
What other response was possible, for a man like him than a completely calm, level-headed, void of any emotion at all? Itachi was always like this and he had been the day he recruited you to the Akatsuki, to now–right in this moment as he followed you back to your room, refusing to just fuck off.
Always so rational, never ever had you seen him lose him cool or say something he didn’t mean. Words and actions didn’t seem to surprise him, and sometimes it felt like he was always ten steps ahead of you–ahead of everyone–because everything he did was done in stride without a second of doubt in his own skills.
He was infuriatingly logical, and what probably pissed you off the most was he had the skills to back up his confidence.
Since the day he recruited you, you’ve actively avoided him. You’d been sought after by the Akatsuki, by Pein, because of your stealth skill. You were good at getting around without attracting attention, and knew how to infiltrate villages and enemy territory without ever being caught. You’d figured, years back, that Pein had wanted you because you’d never failed a single mission you’d been assigned and when you’d defected from your village, it was almost impossible to find you.
The only one who had had been Itachi.
Almost immediately he’d left a sour taste in your mouth.
You didn’t like people, and you most certainly didn’t like him and so your one saving grace had been the fact that Pein had granted you your one wish–to have no partner. You didn’t have to suffer someone who’d slow you down, or get you caught and rather, you did what you were told in exchange for being left alone otherwise.
Until Orochimaru left the Akatsuki and Itachi was left without a partner.
No amount of arguing changed Pein’s mind, and you weren’t stupid enough to think you could beat him. You were a skilled ninja in combat, yes, but you were better at stealth and Pein knew that. You couldn’t defy him because he’d crush you, and you couldn’t run because he did everything to make sure you couldn’t escape his grasps.
And so, here you were, now stuck with Itachi as your partner.
Him of all people.
“Is it so hard to imagine someone might not want to be partnered with you?”
Your words come out sharp, a low hiss in response to Itachi’s refusal to simply have the decency to leave you alone. Your first mission together wasn’t until early tomorrow morning and you’re not sure why it was so necessary for him to bother you now–you’d rather just go to bed.
Maybe whine about it to yourself for a while.
But you certainly didn’t wanthim here.
“I don’t much care for others opinions on myself,” Itachi responds softly, grating your nerves further. “I am, however, curious as to why it bothers you so much.”
Eyes clenching shut, you feel your jaw hurt from how hard you’ve been clenching it. It’s taken all of your strength not to burst out your anger and seem like an absolute petulant child in front of a man who exuded such maturity and confidence.
But your patience was wearing thin.
“I was perfectly fine on my own!” You cry out, spinning to face him as you wave your arm before yourself. “You’ll just get him my way.”
And in a fit of rage and a lack of rational thought, you race forward, your hand slipping from underneath your cloak to send a kunai directly through Itachi’s neck. Damn if it’d get you killed–you never even wanted to join the Akatsuki in the first place! Every damn decision in your life has never been made from you, and now you were stuck in a organization that prayed on innocent people with no escape.
You don’t make it far. In a second, your wrist is clasp by Itachi’s hand, slightly pinching, as he halts your momentum, leaving you stood before him, breathless.
Itachi doesn’t seem annoyed or even angry that you’d, quite literally, just attempted to kill him. Instead, you see the first incline of any sort of emotion from his as the corners of his eyes pinch and a small smile curls onto his lips.
“I assure you, I am perfectly capable of completing my missions.”
You barely register his words. You’re so completely caught off by his smile, by the odd softness in his eyes that you’re stunned silent. It’s not just the fact that you’ve never seen anything other than a blank expression on Itachi’s face, but the fact that such a soft, warming glance is directed at you.
You don’t think anyone’s ever look at you that way.
“I–”
His grip turns gentle, and the kunai slips out of your hands, clattering to the ground as Itachi gently pulls you forward. The two of you close, not intimately, but you’re sure you’ve never once stood so close to Itachi, or another human like this in a long time. Not without the intent to kill.
As he lowers his hand, yours follows, falling by your side.
“I understand you didn’t want to join the Akatsuki.”
Brows furrowing, you glance up at Itachi.
“That you were forced to.”
“Yes,” you breathe, “by you.”
Itachi’s eyes fall shut, and he nods. “It was I who requested we be partnered, and Leader was forced to listen.”
You’re confused; beyond confused. Forcedto listen? Was Itachi so strong that he’s able to control Pein himself?
“I understand you don’t want to hurt innocents either.”
“Uchiha, I don’t know–”
“I won’t make you,” he cuts in, sharply, words confident. “You’ll never have to hurt another innocent again if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t understand,” you shake your head. “How…” You want to ask how he can promise that, what he’s done to make it possible. But really, the most important question that appears in your mind is; “why? Why would you do all of this for me?”
It doesn’t make sense. Itachi was the one who recruited you for the Akatsuki in the first place. He was the one who’d brought you here, who’d forced you to wear the cloak and bow to Pein.
And beyond that, the two of you have never spoken a single word to each other.
You’ve avoided him, glared at him, cursed at him…
Why would he go so far for you?
“It’s because,” Itachi speaks up, voice quiet, a mere whisper. And you notice he shifts, the grip on your wrist still there, but he pulls your eyes on his own, that same soft, oddly reassuring gaze looking back down at you.
And his words that follow shock you, leave your lips part and your mind blank with a lack of how to respond.
“When I look in your eyes, it’s like I’m staring back at myself.”
But somehow, they make your heart hurt and your eyes water. It’s like you’ve lost all control of your own emotions and you feel yourself being swallowed up by the emotions you’ve so desperately ignored, so desperately pushed to the back of your mind, desperate to forget.
His words are so odd, so… baffling; and yet, they’re so warming, so reassuring… so kindtoo.
“I want to help you.”
You’ve never liked Itachi. For years you’d blamed him for bringing you here, thinking he was the sole reason for your suffering.
And, yeah, maybe he was…
But still, strangely enough, you trust his words completely.
