before i ask my question to ppl with ADD. if parts of this story and/or questions are triggering for you i apologize in advance. i am neurotypical and so is my mother so we’re not pretending to know what it’s like to have ADD or be neurodivergent. we are willing to learn though
here it goes: my mother works in a kindergarten. she is 60 years old, a breast cancer survivor, and has a history of depression and anxiety attacks.
a couple of months ago a 24 yo woman (let’s call her Emma) started working at the kindergarten. my mom soon sensed there was “something about her” she noticed Emma was easily distracted, had to take breaks every 10 minutes, has difficulty bonding/playing with the children, and gets nervous at the thought of working the later shifts where she has to close (they never close alone. there’s always a minimum of two ppl closing).
this results in my mom having to carry a heavier work load than she can handle which is making her very anxious and tired.
my mom is not Emma’s boss, they are equal coworkers so my mom asked Emma personally what best ways are on how to divide the workload btwn them and what Emma needs to do her work that feels good to her and be comfortable and still works for my mom too. Emma told my mom she has ADD, but no solution came out of it.
my mom then asked if their supervisor could attend a meeting just the three of them to figure some things out, but still no solution.
my questions to my mutuals or readers with ADD:
do you have any tips for my mom on how to help Emma, and by doing that helping herself?
what are things coworkers did that made it easier for you to adapt to new situations?
what is something you wished every supervisor knew/did where you worked to accommodate your needs?
what if my mom and Emma come up with some sort of understanding and solution but after a while one of them starts slipping. what is the best way to call each other out and stay on the right path?
im grateful for any tips. I’m upset with their supervisor for not being able to come up with something and afraid on what her lack of empathy & action might cause on the long term for both Emma and my mom.
This entire article is eye-opening, even as someone who has ADHD and has read a lot about it already. There’s so much more there than just the bit about the glucose-craving brain. SO. MUCH.
This might have been the bit that hit me hardest, actually:
it would be easy to misinterpret the following scenario as a standoff between two partners: Imagine that your partner asks you to pay the electric bill, and you say to yourself, “OK, I have time to do that today.” But when you sit down to do it, you keep getting distracted. The ADHD brain needs higher stimulation in order to complete this rote task with minimal payoff. Your ADHD brain says, “That task is way too boring, and I refuse to focus on it. Find something that interests me more, which offers me a bigger dopamine reward, and I’ll work with you.” It doesn’t matter that you know you should pay the bill as promised; if your brain won’t engage, it’s an ugly standoff. Perhaps, after a day of procrastination — when your partner will be home in 20 minutes and the bill is still unpaid — there may be enough of an adrenaline rush from a sense of crisis that your brain will engage and you pay the bill.
The ADHD brain and its owner are at odds with one another. It’s difficult to compel a disengaged brain to engage by force of will. In fact, much of the treatment for ADHD involves learning to psych out the brain, so that it will attend to necessary, low-stimulation tasks.
Appreciating the tug-of-war within that pits intellect against neurobiology increases compassion and acceptance for one’s hidden struggle.
I feel SEEN. OTZ
Seriously, though. Read the whole thing. It’s a good one.
I used to straight-up eat stacks of plain bread when I was a teenager. I craved BREAD. Not sandwiches, not toast, not cinnamon buns. PLAIN FUCKING BREAD. And yanno what else? RICE. And NOODLES. No toppings, just butter and salt, and scarf it down.
And suddenly that makes a lot more sense.
ALL OF THIS IS IMPORTANT.
This is why when I don’t have any more food in the house, just ingredients, I can eat a whole sleeve of saltines by themselves. And I even think they’re pretty tasty!
By Margenett Moore-Roberts, Global Head of Inclusive Diversity
I am excited to announce the creation of Yahoo’s newest Employee Resource Group (ERG) focused on Neurodiversity, spearheaded by Margaux Joffe, Yahoo’s Head of Production, Global Marketing Department. The ERG’s mission is to champion neurodiversity at Yahoo in order to create an inclusive workplace for minds of all kinds.
If you’re unfamiliar, neurodiversity refers to differences in learning and attention as normal variations of the human brain. At Yahoo, we recognize minds of all kinds and respect all forms of human variations – from dyslexia, to ADHD, to the autistic spectrum and more. In partnership with Yahoo’s Office of Inclusive Diversity (OID), the new Neurodiversity ERG will help encourage that anyone with these differences can utilize their strengths at work and thrive through one another’s support, as well as supports OID’s mission of advancing diversity and inclusion in Yahoo’s workforce, workplace and marketplace.
Margaux is the chair of the program and her passion stems from her personal experience in being diagnosed with ADHD three years ago, when she was well into adulthood. She felt compelled to found the Kaleidoscope Society, an empowerment project for women with ADHD which shines a light on inspiring stories of trailblazing women with ADHD for its more than 700 members. After joining Yahoo and talking to the OID about their commitment to creating an inclusive working environment, she proposed the idea of creating a Neurodiversity ERG in order to extend the OID’s efforts to colleagues (like herself) with neurological differences.
The ERG is hitting the ground running, and the first internal campaign is introducing poster series and screens in all offices globally to highlight the strengths associated with a few neurological differences such as Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia and OCD. The ERG will also meet regularly to provide support to relevant members of the Yahoo community and collaborate on how to grow and bring awareness to their mission. Four initial focuses of the program include: learning the needs of employees, creating a community of support, providing resources at Yahoo and increasing the cultural competency of managers so they can effectively manage their diverse teams.
In the coming months, the ERG will work with the OID and Human Resources to ensure Neurodiversity is incorporated into our Inclusion strategy and our manager competencies.
This is your daily reminder to not be ashamed of making your life easy for yourself.
Cut your food into small pieces, make the font size 30 on your e book, use straws to drink, get a pen that’s comfortable to hold, take more naps, walk slowly, eat another cookie, buy velcro shoes, re-watch the part you couldn’t understand the first time, write things on your hands so you don’t forget it… whatever you want and/or need
Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be doing things. We don’t need to prove each other anything
I embroidered this piece for the British Textile Biennial crowd-sourced exhibition about migration and belonging. I called it “Back to the Shire”, a Tolkien reference, because I went on a long quest over 25 years and travelled many places before returning to my home town in Lancashire. The rainbow infinity loop represents a journey, as well as neurodiversity, and the rainbow badge represents gender and sexual diversity. These are included to show how the outer journey relates to the search for safety and belonging. I sewed it on Mum’s old table cloth using a bit of Nanna’s wedding dress, and buttons and threads from my great aunt. These, along with the cup of tea, represent home!
dyspraxia is wild because you get so used to working around the things that are difficult for you that you sometimes completely forget that other people can just… do that… without effort… without falling over… without getting overstimulated… they just do it… just… like… that. Wild.
I am very sad rn, I’m enjoying a new hobby (i’ve dabbled into it a few times but i’ve not been consistent bc i’ve not been able to afford new materials needed) - and my partners mum just said to me “oh, it’s another one of your ‘hobbies’, is it?” and laughed, implying i never stick to my hobbies
but i’ve loved the idea of doing this, and yes i have adhd and i hyperfixate but i sincerely just enjoy doing things - is it so bad that i can’t always focus? maybe it is. either way, i’m sad
Hey friend I just want to remind you that having an agile, flexible, and creative brain that is prone to outside the box thinking and leaps of understanding is a major asset and selling feature for you as a person in life. So I would encourage you to look at unfinished projects and say, “I learned what I needed to from that” rather than beating yourself up for following the changing winds of your interests. I’m also ADHD and I was talking about our neurological difference with a relative who makes hiring decisions for a company last summer and worrying about how I should position myself when I start job hunting because of the ADHD. What he said is basically that these truths about how our brains work will outweigh the fact that we can be flighty, can’t remember birthdays and have a tendency to misplace our keys.
It’s ok to feel what you feel when you feel it. It’s ok to do things when you’re interested and stop when you’re not (unless you’re under a deadline or there’s lives on the line). What you learn from your project will carry on to the next thing and the next thing.
As an autistic person, I can tell you that the best think you can do for the autistic community is to be tolerant and kind. I’ve only ever been harmed by organizations that claim to help, such as the NDIS.
Don’t donate to anybody. Don’t put a bumper sticker on your car. Don’t put anything in your bio or pfp.
[Image 1 Description: A Crowd of people, all colored blue, with the label “Interneters” on them. To the left of the crowd a young man stands out. He is a repeat character. We’ll call him “The Interneter.” He has dark brown skin, short light blue dread-locks. He wears a burgundy colored hoodie, a dark teal V-neck shirt, and dark bluish-grey jeans. The Interneter says “You never told us what a "Spoonie” is.“
To the middle right is Rachel, we can only see to the bottom of her shirt for now. (She has pale white skin, short and messy blonde hair, teal shirt with ferns printed on each side, Maroon shorts, light cyan thigh-high stocking with cut outs of leaves on them, maroon shoes). Rachel, smiling wearily, looking right at us, holding her index finger up:”Well, you could just google it. But hey, what the heck? Why pass up an opportunity to be the first person who tells you what it means?“
We see Rachel again on the lower left side, smiling while raising an eyebrow, holding her left hand to her face, and her right hand out towards us: "Ya ready?”
The crowd lines the bottom of the image. The Interneter stands in the middle, with a speech bubble above “Yes.”and a speech bubble to his bottom right, “That’s why we asked.”]
[Image 2 Description: There is a lavender square at the top of this image, on it is the text: “Spoonie” comes from a disability metaphor first described in a 2003 essay by christine miserandino called “The Spoon Theory” in which she tells the story of trying to explain to a friend what it feels like to have lupus, using spoons as visual representation of her daily energy. She actually handed her friend a bouquet of spoons and said: “
Below Christine, a white woman with long brunette hair, a white headband, purple dress shirt and jeans, holds out a sparkling bouquet of spoons saying "Here you go”.
Below this we see her down on one knee. To her right her friend, female, brown skin, long braided dark brunette hair with a reddish tint, blue over-all dress, and teal leggings, sits on a stool holding the spoons Christine handed her.
“You have Lupus.” Christine says, to which her friend nervously responds “Haha, whaaat?…… Please explain.”]
[Image 3 Description:Another lander square fills the top of this image, on it is a quote from Christine's Essay, “Most people start the day with unlimited amounts of possibilities- energy to do whatever they desire…for the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions…I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have something else being in control.”
Below Christine sits alone, her legs “criss-cross”. She is smiling at us and holds a giant spoon. Around her are little blurbs in purple text, “Might actually own a giant spoon” “Has done awesome advocacy work” “Read more at butyoudontlooksick.com (if you want to)”]
[Image 4 Description: a chart titled “How Spoon Theory Works”. A single spoon equals a unit of energy that a person can use safely. On the left is “spoon cost per activities” on the right is icons to show the activities.
1 spoon; Getting out of bed, taking medications, changing clothes. 2 spoons; Watching a tv show, a microwavable meal, using the internet.3 spoons; Enagaing in a small activity like art, cleaning something, making a meal that required stove or oven.4 spoons; Taking a shower, leaving your home, socializing.
Narration text: Why use it? I’ll let this quote by a doctor who was originally using buckets of water (???) with patients explain. “Using analogies and/or metaphors…can help clinicians and patients’ loved ones get a better understanding of the impact of specific activities on a patient.” (John Hopkins Neurologist Scott Newsome, DO, on the topic of “Spoon Theory”)]
[Image 5 Description: The Interneter is looking worried, sweating. He says to Rachel,
“Oh wait, so I have major depression disorder, insomnia, and ADHD. During my last episode, I was barely able to make it to one class a day, and maybe get one meal. My insomnia felt uncontrollable. I ran out of mental brain power for my classes, but I still attempted as much class work as I could, even if my brain couldn’t fully show up. Don’t get me wrong- I still tried, so hard. Even if I was too depressed to feel things like ‘normal’ I still wanted to be embracing my college life. I feel like spoon theory would have really helped me in times like those. Especially since I haven’t found an antidepressant that works on me yet. I know it’s not like what you go through, like chronic physical illness. I wouldn’t want to make less of your experience or appropriate this term. I’m just wondering if-”
Rachel, looking calm, finding The Interneter endearing and smiling slightly, “Your experiences are just as valid and the level of impact your depression has absolutely qualifies you as a spoonie.”]
[Image 6 Description: Narration text “Today a spoonie is someone with a condition that causes limited amounts of physical and/or cognitive energy, such as chronic illness, mental illness, or disability. It’s also used by neurodivergents who deal with persistent energy limitations.”
Below sits 4 girls all smiling, waving, and looking at us, left to right; The first girl has an average frame, tan skin, long navy blue hair, a maroon hat, faded pink pants, a blue/purple/lavender striped shirt, and cutting scar on her arms. Second girl is Kitt, she was in another comic, she has a plus sized frame, dark brown skin, shoulder length curly/dark brown hair. she wears a teal dress with white strips, a waist long blue jacket, blue shoes, her left left is a purple prosthetic. Third girl, she is Asian, very light but still tan skin, with black hair in cut in a pixie style. She has on a white sweat shirt that has lavender sleeves and a salmon color at the bottom, in the center is the rainbow infinity sign for neurodivergence. She has on mint pants and wear white and salmon colored sneakers. On the floor below them sits Rachel.
Narrative text "Not all of us are literally measuring out energy in terms of spoons, but having such a metaphor is extremely helpful.“]
[Image 7 Description: Narrative text "Spoon Theory embraces acknowledgment of a condition’s control, which is weirdly liberating because this reminds a person:”
Girl number 3 is on the right is whispering to The Interneter “Lack of control isn’t proof of personal weakness. You don’t have to beat yourself up for experiencing your condition.”
“I know that…” the interneter says shyly, blushing and smiling.
“Do you though?” Rachel says from the left.
Below her is girl number one. “Do u? I’ve been doing this for 13 years and even I forget sometimes.”]
[Image 8 Description: Narrative text “For young people in particular, spoonie is the first word a person may use when starting to rewrite what their life with their condition could look like.”
The Interneter lays flat on his bed, we see him from the side looking hopeful “Having to live life this way isn’t easy, but I want to make it work.”
Below we see he is centered on his bed holding 1 spoon, “especially since I’m still having that episode of depression.” On the right side his words continue “I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of messing up the flow of the comic.”]
[Image 9 Description: Narrative text “Spoons can be a silly thing to associate with possibly not having enough energy to manage basic survival activities, which is one reason some don’t bother using the term at all. Still, it’s easier to say,”
A woman, standing in the center of the image with a long purple dress, short brunette hair, and a purple walking cane, holds a hand to her chest smiling “I’m a spoonie!”
To her left is a large man all in red, hand on his hips smiling, “My own experiences of feeling tired helps me empathize with you. You make me feel validated.”
To her right is a little girl colored pink “Spoons are good!”
Next to her is a woman in maroon “Such a cute and positive take!”
At the bottom of the image narrative text says “Rather than bring folk’s moods down with-”]
[Image 10 description: “My body is disabled! Living an existence with a condition that is unpredictable and invisible sometimes breaks my brain! Please don’t shut me out until I’m "Fixed”. Just respect my limits.“ Rachel says, now in the center of the people instead of the purple-dressed spoonie. She sits in her wheelchair with legs up, holding her arms out, her expression is crying yet smiling.
The large man to her left has his arms folded, now very uneasy "How do I tell apart your "disability” from excuses, self pity, and faking stuff? And who sits in a wheelchair like that?“
On the right the little pink girl is crying, her maroon mother bending down to hold her. "Isn’t "Disabled” bad?“ the girl ask.
Her mother responding ”Nothing we need to worry about, sweetie. There are plenty of programs that think of the disabled so we don’t have to.“
Narrative text, ”Yes. Spoonie can at times feel detached just enough from harsh reality to ease people’s discomforts.“]
[Image 11 Description: Narrative text:” Perhaps detached enough for misguided normies to think,”
A young woman standing in the center with one hand on her hip and one raised with her index finger pointed upwards says "Hey! I feel like I have limited energy to! I like this "spoons” idea. It will help me be mindful and proactive with my energy! I’m a spoonie now!“
She is white woman with tanned skin, long bleach blonde hair in a pony-tail, wearing grey yoga pants and a green tang top. On her tang top are the words "Has no condition is just human”.
To her left Girl number 3, Kitt, and Rachel are huddled looking at the woman.“Don’t-”says girl number 3. “Oh no, wait-” says Kitt. “You’re not one now, but hey, you’ll be one of us eventually. No need to rush.” says Rachel.
On the left is a young hipster male all in orange “You’re just a product of obsessive online health trends.” He calls out.
Narrative text “Let’s hope it doesn’t turn into the 'snuggie’ of disability lingo.]
[Image 12 description: Narrative Text: ”Now, being disabled by a condition, especially it’s fatigue aspect, doesn’t mix well with the 'hyper-productive’ narrative that today’s society puts out.“
A Pinkish-maroon leg with the words 'society that doesn’t fully realize the systemic harm of it’s ableism’ on it, kicks a stick figure of the Interneter high up into the air in a Team Rocket fashion.
”Looks like having problems with my human body is causing me to be considered less of a human agaaiinn!!!“ The interneter says, surrounded by anime sparkles.
Narrative Text ”Still, being active, productive, and accepted by some form of community, lay the foundations for self-confidence and a sense of worth. Contributing online is one way even the most debilitated amount us have managed a version of that foundation.“]
[Image 13 Description: Narrative text: ”Disabled communities are sources of support, love, guidance, and empowerment built upon collaboration, inclusion, and knowledge. They help bring together people with a willingness to listen, because they all know the value in feeling heard.“
Two horizontal rows of a diverse group of people with disabilities, drawn to show them all in bed, all interacting with each other like the would if the were together in person. Below each person is an awareness ribbon to indicate the condition(s)they have.
From left to right, top row; A young woman with very dark brown skin, black hair in a bun, is looking concerned and reaching for a young man in the row below her. He is black with slightly lighter skin, very short hair, a 5 o'clock shadow, wearing glasses. He is reach towards her with is left arm, his right arm is curled due to his medical condition. Next in the top row, a Young woman with curly brown hair, tan skin, glasses, and cutting parts on her arms is smiling and being handed a book by a young white male with Downs-Syndrome, he hair short light brown hair and glasses. A young woman with tan skin, glasses, wearing a hijab, has a pink prosthetic arm holding a piece of paper, and is using her other arm to hold hands with the person she is smiling/talking with- a thin non-binary with short blue pixie hair and braces on her elbows and right arm. This person is also holding a piece of paper, eyes shut from laughing, with happy tears coming from their eyes.
Bottom row; Next to the young man with dark skin, is a plus-sized woman with white skin, her hair is deep violet in a pixie cut. She is holding a yellow ribbon, looking concerned and speaking a ”?“ as she taps the should of the girl next to her. This girl is Asian with black hair in a short ponytail, she looks back at the woman with the ribbon, her arms are on the back of the next woman, whom she is comforting. This woman has medium dark skin, half her head is shaved, the other is short navy blue dreadlocks. She is curled up and crying, below her is a yellow ribbon next to a purple one. The young man on her left has his left arm around her, and has a sympathetic expression, talking with the woman to try and provide comforting. He has tan skin and short curly brown hair, with short curly brown facial hair.
Narrative text: ”Spoonies are just one part of this collective, their efforts displaying that a condition’s control isn’t proof of weakness, as if can exist even along side massive amounts of inner strength.“]
It frequently bothers me that people with ADHD and Autism are expected to mask their symptoms—things that feel like part of our personality—just because they’re uncommon.
Like I’m sorry Karen but I can’t stop fiddling AND focus on what you’re saying. I don’t demand that you get to the point when you’re boring me.
I’m different. I know. But that doesn’t make me rude.
Having big bursts of motivation to do the things I love
Having a wild imagination
The speed of my brain on a good day
Falling down research rabbit holes
And watching YouTube videos about them on double speed (learning twice as much in the same amount of time!)
And finally hoarding this vast collection of random information for use in my book or a pub quiz.
[If reposting to instagram please tag @isabellestonebooks]
[Disclaimer: Everyone’s ADHD is different, this is not a blanket list of things that everyone with ADHD will experience. Also experiencing these things does not mean you have ADHD, please consult a professional before self-diagnosing.]
Ok so we all love a hyperfixation but does anyone else ever avoid certain things because you feel like you don’t have the time to be fixated on that, or that you aren’t in the right headspace for this to become your latest obsession
Interests, not hyperfixations, but YES
No I definitely mean hyperfixation.
No, I was talking about my experiences. I don’t want to appropriate an ADHD term for myself when I don’t have ADHD.
