#quoteofthenight

make peace with the fact that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. some people are only temporary, and that’s okay. feel the pain of loss, grow from the experiences they gave, and then cherish the memories made. don’t worry; you will find your forever people.

today, try doing something that you’ve been putting off, however big or small. cleaning your room, finishing a homework assignment, making your bed, laundry. go ahead and do it so it’s out of the way, then you can do whatever you want with a little more peace of mind. it probably won’t take as long as you think. and if it does, you can always take a break or reward yourself when you’re done. you got this!

i hope that one day you care for yourself the way that you care for other people.

i don’t know what straight man needs to hear this, but not every woman is replaceable. some are once-in-a-lifetime. if you find a girl who has a genuine heart, treats you good, makes you one of her priorities, connects with you on a deeper level, and does things for you and your family, all without being asked to, you need to understand that you are in the midst of an absolute gem. she really cares for you. everything she does is done out of pure kindness, consideration, and love. anything that you do to hurt her will ultimately only make her stronger and less tolerant of shitty behavior. if you ever fuck up badly enough that she leaves, because you think she can be replaced, know that you are the one losing. not her. if she doesn’t choose to stay single, she’s going to find someone who reciprocates the effort she gives and appreciates every bit of it, every bit of her. meanwhile, you will spend the rest of your life trying to find pieces of her in every other woman you meet, hoping they might do you half as good as she once did when you were taking her for granted.

you will never get what you deserve if you stay with what you tolerate.

— alhwrites

If the person you’re with never changes, will you be happy with them for the rest of your life? Because if they haven’t changed by now, there’s a very good chance they never will. You’ve told them the things they need to work on, you’ve told them what they do that hurts you, you’ve told them how they could fix the problem—probably multiple times—and they’re still actively choosing to not correct that behavior. That is them disrespecting your boundaries and not giving a fuck about how they’re making you feel. Is someone like that really someone you’re comfortable being with? Or have you been settling? I ask you again, if nothing in your relationship were to change, and it were to continue on forever as it has, as it is now, would you be happy with that life, truthfully? With that person? Is that something you can gladly accept? If the answer is no, I urge you to please quit seeing their potential and consider if they truly are the partner for you and if you genuinely see yourself completely satisfied with them based on what they’ve shown you so far. Don’t look at what they could be or what they could do. Look at what they are and what they are doing. Prioritize your contentment; if the voice inside your head is telling you that the person you’re with isn’t right for you, please pay attention to that. Intuition exists for a reason. Don’t stay if you know you’ll probably regret doing so later. You deserve the love you’ve always dreamed of having, and it’s somewhere out there waiting for you. I promise.

— alhwrites

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Valentine’s Day is a day for love. Not strictly a day for couples. You can celebrate love without having a partner, because romantic love isn’t the only love that exists. You can have love for your family, for your friends, for your pets, for yourself. For whatever you want, honestly. I had been dreading the holiday because I didn’t have anyone to spend it with until I realized it was still a day I could participate in. It’s not exclusive to anyone. In fact, I plan on using it to be extra kind to myself, since sometimes I’m not. I’m going to practice self love on Valentine’s Day to make up for the times I haven’t. I am the most consistent thing in my life. My body does what it can to keep me alive. I deserve to treat it well. I deserve love, too, whether I’m in a relationship or not. I want some flowers, so I’ll be getting some. I want some hibachi, so I’ll be getting some. I want a nice bubble bath, so I’ll be taking one. You don’t have to be “in love” with someone else to celebrate; you can use it as an opportunity to show love to yourself.

— alhwrites

you are the most permanent thing in your life. always. that won’t change. ever. so put you first. prioritize you. choose you. you, you, you. your needs, your wants, your dreams, your feelings, your happiness, your peace. never sacrifice any of that, and do not spend your entire life treating people who might be temporary better than you treat yourself.

— alhwrites

especially if they act like a temporary person: bare minimum, low effort, confusing, unkind, shitty, toxic.

I feel like other people maybe have a bigger impact on me than I do on them. I adore humanity, so I tend to hold on to whoever and whatever I can. The memories, experiences, and feelings I share with another person affect me so much. They help me change and grow, molding me into a better version of myself. I think other people are so wonderful and valuable and special, even if they weren’t the nicest to me. I think about them often, and am always thankful for the time we had together. Or, at the very least, thankful for the lessons I learned from them. A part of me will miss them forever; once you’re important to me, you stay that way, however much. I still have love for everyone I’ve ever cared about, all circumstances aside. But I can’t imagine anyone feeling the same in regards to me. It’s like I’m a speck of dust on the floor of a big house, something to overlook. A word in their vocabulary that isn’t spoken often. A fleeting moment that they won’t dwell on. A temporary character, someone they’re ready to leave behind. I can’t fathom someone remembering me once we exit each other’s lives, like all I am is forgettable. It doesn’t bother me too much, I guess, because you’re supposed to move on. That’s how it is. I just hope the people I’ve met got something positive or meaningful out of their time with me.

— alhwrites

I know this isn’t something you want to hear, but I think it’s something you need to hear: sometimes someone’s inability to love you the right way is not their fault. If you are the first person to show someone pure, genuine love, they may not know how to reciprocate because they’ve never experienced it before. In turn, they may not know how to give it back. This doesn’t mean that it’s your job to teach them, that you have to tolerate it, or that you deserve it, but I’ve found it incredibly helpful in my own healing to understand that sometimes people aren’t hurting you or treating you poorly intentionally. Sometimes people will self sabotage good things because they don’t think they’re worthy of it. Sometimes they just don’t know what to do, so they ruin it, whether that be by running away, being disrespectful, or causing pain. Sometimes, people still have their own growing to do. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, it’s just that you happened to be there in the collateral damage. I don’t say this to justify any of their bad actions, but to offer a different perspective that may aid you in forgiving and ultimately reaching your peace.

— alhwrites

death is a woman in love.

— alhwrites

My apartment has roaches.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not infested, and I’m not disgusting. I just moved in and noticed one too many, is all. So I’ve been fighting with them a little, placing down those boric acid capsules they’re supposed to eat and take back to the base, occasionally spraying bug poison around the baseboards. The works.

One night, I’d stayed up particularly late, and managed to single one out. The unlucky fool that came out of hiding. Mercilessly, I got my Raid and sprayed it. (And I mean sprayed it.) Then I waited. Watched it twitch and struggle. Sprayed it again. Waited. Watched it flip and roll. Sprayed it again. Waited. Sprayed it again. Waited. Repeat. Repeat. It didn’t matter that it would probably be dead in ten minutes if I’d just leave it alone. I kept spraying, just to make sure. Because it kept trying. Actually, it’s almost like every dousing brought life back into it, gave it the motivation to momentarily struggle some more. It obviously wasn’t going to last. I obviously didn’t want it there. Nevertheless, it persisted. It was frustrating, but admirable, I guess. Didn’t change the fact that it was a roach, or that I can’t stand them, but I’ll give credit where credit is due. It would’ve been so much easier if it would’ve just stopped after the first time. The second time, even. I knew—I think we both knew—how it was going to end. There was no changing the outcome. But the bastard kept trying.

It made me think of you, actually.

Anyway, my apartment has roaches.

— alhwrites

what keeps you awake? what steals your sleep? why do you hold your phone to your chest like a bible at three in the morning? are you waiting for them to finally say “I miss you too?”

— alhwrites

just because a love is temporary doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. sometimes love ends, sometimes love fades. you can’t always determine the course that it takes. you aren’t wasting your time; you’re just counting down the days until you meet the person with a love that finally stays.

— alhwrites