One of the most startlingly effective things I’ve seen in the psychology literature is the power of “self-affirmation.”
The name is a bit misleading. The “self-affirmation” described in these studies isn’t looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re beautiful. It’s actually values affirmation — writing short essays about what’s important to you in life (things like “family”, “religion”, “art”) and why you value them. The standard control intervention is writing about why a value that’s not very important to you might be important to someone else.
Values affirmation has been found in many studies to significantly improve academic performance in “negatively stereotyped” groups (blacks, Hispanics, and women in STEM), and these effects are long-lasting, continuing up to a year after the last exercise.[1] Values affirmation causes about a 40% reduction in the black-white GPA gap, concentrated in the middle- and low-performing students.[4]
This was startling and fascinating to me for a couple reasons. Firstly, if that’s true, that would be huge. We’ve thrown billions at the achievement gap mostly without results.
Secondly, I’d heard ‘self-affirmation’ thrown around before, and I assumed it was sort of like generic ‘positivity’ messages - you know, “love yourself!!’ and ‘you deserve the world!’ and I find all that stuff vaguely icky. (”love yourself” is super underspecified. What does that even mean? Is it an emotion? A belief? Do I have to be able to experience it persistently? On demand?)
Butvalues affirmation - well, values affirmation makes a hell of a lot of sense to me. Sarah continues (bolding mine):
There is a kind of personal quality that has to do with believing you are fit to make value judgments. Believing that you are free to decide your own priorities in life; believing that you are generally competent to pursue your goals; believing that you are allowed to create a model of the world based on your own experiences and thoughts.
If you lack this quality, you will look to others to judge how worthy you are, and look to others to interpret the world for you, and you will generally be more anxious and more likely to unconsciously self-sabotage.
I think of this quality as being a free personorbeing sovereign. The psychological literature will often characterize it as “self-esteem”, but in popular language “self-esteem” is overloaded with “thinking you’re awesome”, which is different. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses and nobody is wonderful in every way. Being sovereign doesn’t require you to think you’re perfect; it is the specific feeling that you are allowed to use your own mind.
I’ve noticed people who have this thing. I’ve aspired to be a person who has this thing, and aspired to write in a way that carves out space for other people to find this thing. I didn’t have a word for it.
I think it’s the way that a lot of social justice goes wrong. I’ve seen a lot of activism that doesn’t feel like it’s coming from a place of “I want to empower others to decide their own priorities; I want the people around me to feel competent and supported in achieving their goals; I want to build a movement that lets us take our own experiences seriously in building a model of the world.” I’ve read stuff that feels like it’s saying ‘yeah we already got the answer to that step; now do what you’re told’.
And the research suggests that people can’t live like that, and shouldn’t.
Katherine de Rosset’s music is born of experiences of profound change, and of the courage it takes to dive into the unknown in search of self-actualization. As explained on her Bandcamp page, the artist moved from Portland to LA, only to have her living situation fall apart almost immediately. Against the tides of uncertainty, de Rosset turned to the guidance of tarot and the art of meditation–while also focusing more deeply on her musical work–and in a moment of inspiration, decided to move to Austin, TX…a place where the healing process could fully complete its cycle. Indeed, within the arms of this strange haven, de Rosset reconnected with the natural world and found solace in the ever-changing flow of energy that comprises existence, and as her soul flourished, so did her music, a result of which is The Tower. Self-released by de Rosset, the album is a mystifying musical adventure that simultaneously explores exotic landscapes of magical fantasy, and the vast zones of the inner self. And while listening, there is a sense that The Tower is meant not just as an artistic rendering of de Rosset’s own experiences of love, restoration, and growth, but also as a guide for others…as a set of sonic and poetic rituals which are intended to help the spirit shed that which is no longer needed, in order to create a “sacred ground for the journey of coming home to oneself.”
These themes of metamorphosis of the self, of the magical forces of nature, and of the “joy of impermanence” are all threaded into de Rosset’s lyrics throughout The Tower, and her vocals inhabit zones similar to those of White Poppy and Grouper in their alchemical merging of dream pop and acid folk. At her most powerful and abstract, de Rosset even calls to mind an early Christina Carter, especially in moments where voices swell to an ecstatic howl amidst layers of ghostly drone. As for the underlying instrumentation, almost everything is sourced from sparse rhythms and spiritual keyboard playing, which often aligns in vibe, if not totally in sound, with the work of Beverly Glenn-Copeland, as well as with more recent sign posts like Nailah Hunter and Katya Yonder. Diving deeper still, de Rosset concocts a bewitching sonic world wherein brushed and hushed jazz drums anchor fluttering strings and warming brass pads while baroque vocal incantations intersperse with spells of springtide romance. Toms pound in triumph beneath poetic affirmations and shades of shoegaze diva bliss, crystalline lutes and gemstone harpsichords play a sort of medieval folk psychedelia, submarine basslines waltz through fairytale forests, and reed organs from outerspace work through passages of funereal minimalism…all while beatific breaths of reverb and delay caress every single sound.
Katherine de Rosset - The Tower (Self Released, 2021) “Flowing Into Joy” introduces starlight drones and a machine drum shuffle overlaid by ecclesiastical keyboard magic. de Rosset sings softly while dancing gemstones move in counterpoint…the whole thing awash in a joyous energy, and evoking visages of satyrs and nymphs dancing around maypoles. Washed out keys and ethereal vocal hazes coalesce as de Rosset’s lyricisms dash romantically across the mix, with everything building towards a climactic chorus. Then, as the track reduces to plucked harp tones and squarewave synth sparkles, de Rosset locks into a mantric lullaby repetition of “Here I am / I want to show you”…like the voice of a mysterious spirit guiding the soul towards realms of joy. “The Star” follows with harpsichords and crystalline tones waltzing through a dew-soaked forest clearing, while splashes of metal shimmer in the distance. de Rosset swoons overhead, her voice subtly double tracked to add further hints of baroque folk mysticism, and her vocal poetics weaving together autobiography, spiritual guidance, and affirmations concerning the presence of a divine light within us all. Cascades of vibrating glass descend as jazz pop drums hold a skeletal structure, with rides tapping and snares smacking through a stereo field overflowing with panning drones and galactic swells of spectral harmony. “In the World and Yet Above” sees polysynthetic keys moving through baths of reverb and angelic voices guiding a splattered kick drum as it slowly structures into a beat. Radiant psych folk melodies are sourced from futuristic electronics, cymbal shadows move in the background, and ebowed guitars sing dolphin songs until everything seems to disperse, only for multi-tracked vocal mirages to emerge amidst feathery pad accents…as if strands of nacreous cotton are stretching out and surrounding de Rosset’s voice. The bass drum slowly builds back and tapped triangles give off sparkles of gold glitter while tom toms roll and hi-hats tick beneath layers of smoke–and over it all, a glorious call and response emerges between de Rosset’s singing and new age synthesizer themes colored in hues of silvery starlight.
A bongo-led downbeat anchors “Do You See What I Am?” and funereal organs call out amidst layers of shadowy haze as de Rosset’s voice lets loose darkly enchanting spells of reassurance, and of recognition of the light within the soul. The rest of the track builds around the singing, with billowing pads climbing ladders of starlight and whooshes of oceanic atmosphere moving all around. The drums work into a barely-there pulse, mysterious whispers pan back and forth, and the song’s structure holds together while ever-threatening to vaporize…all as bewitching vocals affirm the magic of the inner self, with de Rosset’s voice staying low before rushing towards an exploding sky, supported by bashing toms and slow cyclical synth arps. In “Her Body Made of Stars,” minimalist organ patterns are repurposed for an esoteric elegy, and gothic prog rock keyboards are overlaid by beating bongos and witchy vocalizations. de Rosset’s voice is close–yet hard to grasp–as it flits around the mix, and her breathy coos transition at times towards feathery falsetto. There is a touch of downer flower folk to the poetic phrases and mysterious melodies, and at some point, de Rosset sings: “there is magic in your blood / hear our breath as we are one / feel the magic in your blood / do you know how strong we are?”. Strummed zithers move over the doom-inflected jazz rhythms and as sonars ping and crystals glimmer, the minimalist keyboard patterns wash out completely, leaving behind an ocean of voice to float the spirit. Multiple layers circulate in round and reverb and delay patterns create counterpoint movements while synthesizers float through the stereo field, and as swells of solar brass seek the sky, they portend hope of a radiant dawn.
Side B begins with “The Eclipse” and its hopeful chord patterns and dancing pixie melodies. Wheezing organs sit above a sparse jazz beat and de Rosset sings through it all, weaving cosmic allegories and explorations of inner space that pull my mind to Will Cullen Hart and Circulatory System. Drums devolve to tapped cymbals as pads play majestic themes for fantasy kingdoms, with voice washing back and forth as it repeats “I’ll be there in your heart.” When the infectious jazz beats return, synths blur into clouds of cold comfort, while new age woodwinds sing ethereal songs through star oceans. Airy fills and pounding toms intersperse the rhythms and at some point, lyrics are abandoned as de Rosset drifts off into pure wordless wonderment…all while hopeful keyboard melodies ascend in support. The heart overflows with feelings of spiritual affirmation while the mind gazes upon scenes of impossible beauty, and as the track progresses, evocations of Beverly Glenn-Copeland begin shining through with pronounced strength. “91818” comes to life on reed organ drones and thunderclaps, while ghostly voices and bowed metals evoke early Charalambides. Pulses of smoldering static pan across the spectrum and a mesmerizing dreamscape emerges from bodies of orchestral murk, with blurred melodies dancing across the length of the keyboard, heavenly chord fogs hovering in place, and de Rosset whispering up above, her voice sweeping and reversing through arcs of resonant beauty. Sighing strings flutter in and out of view and seafloor crystals sparkle–though their glimmer is barely discernible through layers of washing water–and during one of de Rosset’s wondrous call and respond sections, a voice asks “Is this what you wanted for us?,” and in reply, another whipsers “I know I am ready,” Dazzling melodies slowly rise then recede before fully resolving and eventually, the song blurs into whooshing waves of darkened ambiance. Then comes multi-tracked fantasy dance supported by quivering staccato choirs and time-lag echo accumulations…as if Terry Riley had composed a baroque-tinged new age incantation.
Church organs pulse in “Sacred” as de Rosset floats overhead, with sparse tom hits panning side to side and sparkling seascape melodies meeting wavefronts of cosmic atmosphere. Plucked tones of tropical warmth bring a balearic touch while coral colorations swirl around the stereo field, and as we back down into a horizontal paradise–one replete with mermaid pads and idiophones made of seafloor crystal–de Rosset asks “what if my love is your love / is the truth then discovered?” only to answer, “no, not in words you can speak of / but in her radiant darkness.” The drums reduce to a brushed whisper against an ecstatic run of vocal poetics, and dreamy island melodies mix with new age diamond clusters. Toms beat anthemically as de Rosset moves into repetitions of “what you want will be yours now” and eventually, everything fades into a cloud of lullaby melodics and hopeful hazes. Droning reed organs return in closing track “Resonate”…the sound like an electrified harmonium wheezing from the center of the cosmos…before the vibe turns towards dream folk bewitchment. Treble tones pierce the mind, organs seek the sky, and billowing voices thread around the heart while sleepy-eyed serenades radiate dark sunset hues. A rush of celestial sound brings in multi-tracked whispers that cascade over themselves, with webs of lyrical wonderment threading together and resulting in an entrancing passage of dueling vocal flows…like a round, but not quite…wherein heavenly voices sing certain phrases in one ear, while a whispered falsetto speaks in the other. Joyous clouds of ambiance swell in support and radiant sunbeams refract as de Rosset says “I’ll follow deeper still,” and during a gorgeous coda, cloudform vortices and hymn-like keyboard patterns surround plucked strings while the body walks through a forest of restorative light…a place where waves of springtide soul energy transform existence into a paradise of everlasting optimism.
reasons people might be looking at you in public (that aren’t negative)
they like what you’re wearing.
you look like someone they know.
they recognize a piece of clothing or accessory you’re wearing.
they think you’re beautiful or attractive.
they’re zoned out or bored and people-watching.
they recognize you from somewhere.
they’re hesitating to ask you something or give you a compliment.
they’ve seen you in that same place before.
you caught their eye.
you look like how they imagined a fictional character to look.
you remind them of something.
they’re admiring one of your visual qualities (smile, stance, hairstyle).
all you people who reblogged with tags saying that you dyed your hair a bright color or started wearing an unusual accessory so you’d be more comfortable with people looking at you (because you’d know what they were looking at): you’re actual heroes!! i’m genuinely impressed by you guys doing that regardless of social anxiety (and even coming up with it?). actually genius and if you’re reading this: i’m proud of you
Hi everyone! It has been a while since I’ve last posted. I had been dealing with crippling anxiety. I had to take a step back from social media and the world for a bit to take care of myself. Keep in mind that YOU always come first before others. It is not to be selfish. You have to take care of yourself first before you can lend a helping hand to anyone else. I hope all of you have been doing well, and remember to give yourself some time to heal and relax. Love you all!
It’s more than mere tits and ass and pink and a bubbly, empty head.
It’s about attitude. It’s being proud enough of who you are to flaunt it in a way there’s no mistaking you for anything else.
It’s about hyper-femininity. It’s taking all your favorite feminine qualities and injecting them with deliberate exaggeration, augmenting and enhancing them so they stand out like bright neon signs.
It’s about happiness. It’s embracing the things in life that speak to you, resonate with you, make you happy. It’s about living in a way that makes others around you happy. We need more happiness in this world.
It’s about self-improvement. It’s a never ending journey of being a better version of yourself than you were yesterday, so that every day of your life is the best you that you’ve ever been.
It’s about self-actualization. It’s making the choice and doing the work to allows you to be who you are, and not make excuses for mediocrity.
And also… dem tiddies and that ass are pretty dope, too. :)
this … “be who you are” … “we need more happiness in this world.”
THIS!
All of this!!!
This is the type of bimboisim that I really love. A lot of people get off on the humiliation and degradation kink “i’m just a stupid worthless cunt. i only exist for your abuse.” And if that’s your thing and you enjoy it, more power to you babydoll, but that really doesn’t do anything for me.
I love the bimbos who are happy. I love the bimbos who get tiny shivers of joy from being their most feminine. I want a bimbo who feels a need to serve and obey, but I also want to help her to be her best self. I want to support her on her journey to make her outside match the bimboey vision of herself that she has inside her pretty little head.
bimbos are lovely creatures and should be treasured and cherished.
P.S. If you’re like me and are interested in rebuilding our online bimbo community, go give #bespoke-bimbos a follow.
