#thighgap

I need a vacation from my mind and body

Everyday I say today is going to be better, that today is going to be a good day.

And

Everyday is a waste of energy, everyday is more disappointing than the last, everyday sucks more than the last

I’m hanging on by a thread and maybe just maybe, it’s time to let go.

I feel like a ghost, I’m neither dead nor alive.

I just exist in between.

In the real world I’m that girl that doesn’t eat, the girl who goes to therapy, the girl that’s falling apart.

But

On here, I fit in, I feel safe - comforted by the fact that I’m not alone, on here people feel the way I do, and I don’t feel so crazy anymore

I don’t know if I should be a comforted by this as much as I am, or if I’m even more broken than I thought.

forever standing up too fast and traveling to another dimension so hard you have to blink really fast to land back on earth.

My days lately feel so long, I exist from one day to another barely accomplishing anything.

My lack of sleep make things feel so much longer and tedious. I feel like I’m walking though sludge. My mind is a muddle.

Each day is more disappointing than the last but I don’t have the energy to die.

I’m just existing.

I’m so tired right now. I’m tired of breathing. I’m tired of surviving.

I just want to stop.

I’m told on a daily basis by multiple people how dangerous this illness is, I myself realise how deadly anorexia is BUT I can’t stop, I physically can’t stop.

It’s addictive and uncontrollable - I know that no matter what goal I hit, I’ll always lower it because it’s not enough because there’s always more to lose, always a lower number to hit.

I’m unhappy being stuck in this cycle but I’m even more miserable without it - anyone who even slightly feels this way please get help.

Okay but actually being on tumblr is very triggering and I do this intentionally to trigger myself lmao.

My limit was 800 calories and at the end of scrolling here I planned the rest of the day till it only became 470 calories lol and you tell me this site ain’t promoting anything.

We are just here triggering ourselves intentionally whether we like it or not..

Sophie Turner. FAF

diet starts back tomorrow!!!!

my cals for today were:

517 - 375 cals = 142 cals

tomorrow is my cheat day so i won’t be updating tomorrow however i might post some thinspo!!!

hiiiii so yesterday i binged but i got back on track today thankfully so that’s good i think?? i’m going to have a cheat day on wednesday as it’s my last day at TAFE and we are having a party to finish off the term then i’m seeing my best friend on the weekend so i’m only restricting on monday (today), tuesday, thursday and fingers crossed friday as well. i’ll keep you updated anyways!

todays cals were: 521 - 375 cals = 146 cals

i binged fuck me !!!!!!!! WHY DO I DO THIS

onto day 6! its saturday and i didn’t binged so i’m pretty pleased with myself!

cals for today were:

457 - 375 cals = 82 cals

day five! here’s my cals!

455 - 375 cals = 80 cals

wish me luck for the weekend, the past weekend i binged both days just sucks because today i have felt soooo hungry…