#ed journal

I’ve come to realise that I don’t want to die rather I just don’t want to live the life I am now

3.3.

Apart form this morning’s meltdown, I am doing surprisingly okay.

Had a delicious (though high cal) breakfast, a salad for lunch and I did eat my usual sweets after lunch but I kept them under 200cal. And I ate 8 peanuts and drank 0.5 glass of coke (non zero - not smart I know) around 5pm. All in all around 1000kcals.

But it’s okay because I walked 14k steps and did yoga for 30 mins.

I gave into temptation though, and I stepped on the scale even though I had planned to weigh myself only once a week during March. The number wasn’t very positive but neither was it triggering. Anyways, it was a slip up and I’m not gonna let get it to me. I’ll be weighing myself on Saturday and then I’ll let you know what the number is.

Dear lovely people who follow me because of my pro ana/ED content,

I won’t be doing that anymore. I’ve chosen recovery, for good this time.

That’s not to say that I don’t still struggle with that stuff, or even that I’m not trying to lose weight - just that I am putting my weight and body image issues on hold and deciding to focus on things which are better and more meaningful to me. It took a long time getting to this place where I can actually willingly ignore my disordered brain, but I’m officially doing it now - prioritising my sanity over my looks.

I wish all of you peace of mind and happiness. I understand if you will want to unfollow me now that I won’t be posting ED related content, but I also urge you to remember that there is more to life than food obsession.

Hugs and kisses to you all,

nothingsacredanymore