#ed rant

I am turning my eating disorder into one of those Pinterest girl ‘lifestyles’ and will now no longer be considered mentally ill by society despite my diet not changing

coming home from vacation went from 209 lbs to 214 lbs and I am SO UPSET IJWCOQJR NCNQRIJKCNVQOIJRC

im on vacation rn and there’s so much food im dying

help ive been falling off bc of my sprained knee im so hungry and tired and exhausted 

I would like to be under 200 lbs now pls ive been waiting for so long

this week i felt like such shit and then it finally occurred to me that i WASNT EATING???? why do i always think my actions have no consequences

i always see other peoples posts about being insecure with their body and i’m like NO YOURE SO SKINNY YOU ARE ALLOWED TO EAT YOURE SO HOT but then when it comes to my self i am like starve you fat ass you are worthless

I always get so sad when I see people struggling with the same things I do but then when I feel that way have no empathy for my self

Fuck fasting, restricting is bae

I commented something like “yasss ana” on an OBVIOUSLY disordered meal as a joke and i got attacked by all these people saying to not make fun of people with eds… Pinterest does not get it

Ok so bc I’m under 200 I told my self that id like start doing more workouts and I’d go running and I hate it so much but I NEED to be skinny so

Yesterday i weighed in at 196 lbs which I thought was weird bc I was 199 lbs the day before and today I got my period and I was 204??!?!???? I need a better scale

the line between an ed and the pinterest ‘healthy’ gym babe life is very thin for me

im trying to stop using sex as a form of self harm / sabotage but then when i do that i have to eat bc that’s my other form of self sabotage

200 LBS TODAY!!!! WHO ELSE IS

my weight graph

the line is the progress i’m supposed to be at

goal weight is 150

i’ve been at 202 for like two weeks but the last two days i was 206

im afraid all i need is the waif body type

I NEEED Brandy Melville clothes bc they make me feel skinny

im so close to being under 200 lbs who else is CRYING RN???

like a month ago i like fell off and started gaining weight but a few weeks ago I started trying to lose weight again and now im at my lowest weight ever YEAHHH

ok so I had these jeans I got last year in march and they literally didnt even button but I tried them on yesterday and they were loose. who else crying rn

i’ve gained so much weight fml

i don’t get it, i either can’t get food out of my mind or i can’t get the guilt i feel because i ate out of my mind.

pics from earlier idk if i should post more like this or not?

am i the only one that just feels like if i eat before like 6pm i don’t actually have an ed and i’m faking it?

me: okay so i ate nothing yesterday so i can eat a little more today.

*eats a little more*

my ed: fuck now you can’t eat for two days

me: aw man

I don’t even Want to stop eating to loose weight anymore I’m just tired of feeling controlless and over thinking about food. I’m tired of eating something and right after dictate myself for eating it, or wanting to be different body types nothing like mine every other day. one day my arms are too big, the next day my love handles or too big, the next day my ass is too small. One day I want to work on my muscle and eat protein, then the next day I’m worried if I’m gaining weight cause of the protein, then the next day I want to starve myself then the next day I want to keep my boobs. I’m exhausted. Why can’t I just be enough?