#tw eating mention
I want to pre face this by saying I’m not suicidal before someone try’s to offer me the number for a hotline or whatever.
I’m at a point where I feel like I’m running out of options and I can’t keep going. I don’t shower one day to the next and I don’t sleep either.
Today I requested my GP start me on bridging HRT (testosterone) as I won’t be able to go to a NHS gender identity clinic for years because of how long the waiting lists are.
The problem is I worked myself up so much to ask that if now I don’t get the outcome I need I’m going to struggle. I already struggle everyday, in the past few months I’ve lost 15 lb because of my mood effecting my appetite. I’m loosing the ability to do things every day because of my lack of sleep and food as well as my already low mood. I’m really struggling and I can’t cope.
I’ll force myself to keep going because I have too but it’s getting harder each day and all I want is to just turn to dust and become a distant uncared about memory to my loved ones but that’s not possible. I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do.!
This is a vent post and I want to reiterate I am not suicidal. I have no intention of committing suicide but I am struggling and needed to vent my emotions right now.
I wanted to update. I’m still in this headspace and my doctor did hours of research and unfortunately the GMC updated their advice so unfortunately he can’t unless he gets the go ahead from a specialist now which I’ll have to pay for or wait longer for the clinic.
At the moment I’m working on saving to pay for my appointment because I need this.
I want to pre face this by saying I’m not suicidal before someone try’s to offer me the number for a hotline or whatever.
I’m at a point where I feel like I’m running out of options and I can’t keep going. I don’t shower one day to the next and I don’t sleep either.
Today I requested my GP start me on bridging HRT (testosterone) as I won’t be able to go to a NHS gender identity clinic for years because of how long the waiting lists are.
The problem is I worked myself up so much to ask that if now I don’t get the outcome I need I’m going to struggle. I already struggle everyday, in the past few months I’ve lost 15 lb because of my mood effecting my appetite. I’m loosing the ability to do things every day because of my lack of sleep and food as well as my already low mood. I’m really struggling and I can’t cope.
I’ll force myself to keep going because I have too but it’s getting harder each day and all I want is to just turn to dust and become a distant uncared about memory to my loved ones but that’s not possible. I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do.!
This is a vent post and I want to reiterate I am not suicidal. I have no intention of committing suicide but I am struggling and needed to vent my emotions right now.
Its gross but its interesting :/
Measuring health by weight is total ass but I dont have one of those things that measures your body fat %
Weight sucks lol I just wanna look skinny and attractive, that’s all.
I started at 215 and now I’m down to 188 it’s feels amazing but I have so much longer to go
Ate some rice and tofu today and work and I didn’t have time to purge afterwards,, it wasn’t that much but it still sucks :(
I have a billion allergies, even more intolerances, textural issues, and even more issues with food. And to make it worse? I have an ED. Eating is a minefield and I just want a break so bad, but I can’t because if I’m not hyperaware I’ll die, but when I am hyperaware it worsens the ED and is extremely exhausting. For once I’d like to see ableds actually think about the consequences of their actions for disabled ppl when it comes to food and food service and “free food” at meetings and events
This sucks and it’s problematic…. but I’m not interested in eating.
poćwiczyłem trochę czuję się lepiej
myślałem ze skończy się dzisiaj napadem ale kupiłem cole zero i jest lepiej, zaraz się położę i będę czytać książkę i wypije trochę tej coli żeby napełnić mój żołądek, później zjem gumę miętową i umyje zęby. Jutro czeka mnie kolejny ciężki dzień, bo jadę z mamą nad morze i będę musiał jeść, a ostatnio nie mam siły nawet chodzić, więc słabo, możliwe, że jutro się poryczę…
Oh honey, do you want to go shopping?
I hate going to buy clothes.
When people ask me why I don’t like shopping, I tell them it’s because it bores me, but the truth is that when I go into a store, I’m excited to see all those dresses and skirts, but then when I see my reflection, I remember that my body doesn’t look the way I would like it to and that probably none of those clothes will look good on me.
Those thoughts make me want to cry and I get frustrated, I leave the store and come home with empty hands and an empty stomach I don’t want to fill.
Stay safe♡
omg i just found out why my ex best friends dropped me! it’s because i was being too “negative” all the time (aka depressed and literally suicidal) and she didn’t want to deal with me! because it’s not her responsibility! (her exact words btw) But when she was “depressed” i would talk with her for 2+ hours on the phone to make her feel better. the other one dropped me because me and my family “treated her like a pet” ???? what does that even mean. does she mean when we drove to her house at 10 at night to pick her up because she was having a panic attack? or does she mean the trip i took her on for my birthday? maybe she means when we took care of her for a week when my mom cleaned up her dogs shit and piss all over the floor. It’s like i treat people with the utmost respect and love. then they treat me like i’m some disgusting freak of nature. :P
just asked my guy friend if he wants to hang out with me for the first time (as friends) and he said “ew never” he knows i have no other friends. not gonna eat for the next 3 days. that shit burned. i’m not even attracted to him or anything. i’m just that repulsive i assume.
everything is going downhill lmao
that includes my weight
my legs lmao
credit to borderline.bunny on instagram
i has lost 1.6kg woo for some reason i cant update my cw *sigh*
me when my brother always seems to come into my room when im in the middle of a binge surrounded by bowls of mug cake and chocolate wrappers :’)
ED tags are wild its like anorquexia lmao
