Purity is death

Purity doesnt want you

markers and collage on paper

tw // eating disorder (anorexia recovery)

i know you’re lonely. i know it feels comforting to slip into the same old familiar loneliness. the same religiously good hurt of refusing yourself the things you need and the space to heal. i know it feels beautiful to have something to worship. i know in this cold, confusing world, having goodness be safely defined as thinness within a community with whom you can push for that ideal feels like a comfort. i know it feels safe and familiar. but if you think that this is something that you can compartmentalize and keep safe tucked in a corner of your life, you can’t; and if you think it ever ends, or that your ideal is something you will ever reach, you’re wrong. this disorder is a parasite, and it will take over every corner of your life and every minute of your time and in the end, you will not be rewarded for it. no one will like you any better, least of all yourself; no one will thank you for hurting yourself like this; the world will not turn rose-coloured, your head will not clear and your perfect life will not materialize. you will come out of the end of the tunnel and you will have lost years of your life that you can never get back, and you will realize you were worshipping a false god the whole time. you will realize you never needed to change to wake up with a smile on your lips and birds singing in the window, you never needed to change to dance in the kitchen with your significant other or feel the warmth of another’s presence and laughter. if this made you doubt yourself at all, come and take my hand. i know the grave is comfortable, but don’t let yourself sleep yet.

don’t let this world’s obsession with youth rob you of the big and small joys of adulthood. i spent most of my teenage years and early twenties struggling with my mental health. but there’s no timeline for happiness. for many people, getting older and growing up means having more chances to redefine their values, find their path and stability in life. some people go to college in their forties. some people marry in their sixties. some people recover better after their thirties. there’s no timeline for this kind of stuff. your childhood and teenage years won’t be the only chance you have at experiencing freedom and joy.

I’m planning on writing 2 - so request away below!=)

sometimes I just wished I lived alone and had no friends or social obligations or people near me

so I could just. plan. my. diet. perfectly.

and starve myself to death

I started at 215 and now I’m down to 188 it’s feels amazing but I have so much longer to go

Lost 21 pounds this month ☺️

Hoping for more next month

I went to the doctor last week and was prescribed ✨anti anxiety meds✨

BITCH

I started them on Tuesday and I’ve lost 7 pounds bc I feel so violently ill after taking them ☺️

Had no clue but apparently fasting/ restricting is causing my acid reflux to act up,, my throat is in so much pain I wanna die but I can’t eat more or stop fasting

Ate some rice and tofu today and work and I didn’t have time to purge afterwards,, it wasn’t that much but it still sucks :(

Can someone please send me meanspo or some advice I’m sick and tired of binging at work and then wondering why tf I gained weight or didn’t lose any at all

I work in a restaurant and what I used to do was eat a little and purge but then my coworker caught on and I’m too nervous to do it anymore

And half the time I end up drinking 2 or more energy drinks to suppress my appetite but then I’m hyped up and jittery for the rest of the day

☁️hey loves!☁️ I’ve compiled a list of my fav low-calorie safe foods (if you can even call this food, but hey, you get it). REMEMBER! I do not promote eating disorders. By doing this i hope you’ll maybe find an option off my list that you’ve never tried before. Restricting is downright bad to begin with, but I prefer restricting over people straight up fasting themselves to death.

:

Green Tea

-do i even need to explain myself?

-good source of caffeine + metabolism booster

-0 cal

Mint Black Tea

-tastes better than green tea (mint come thruu)

-even better source of caffeine

-0 cal

Chai Tea Latte

-milk is a fear food for me so i make it with water (and it tastes amazing)

-VERY filling. I usually substitute dinner with this.

-8 fl oz = 110 cal

:

Raisins

-fiber = make you poop

-cranberries are a good swap if you don’t like raisins, but they are higher in calories

-the ones in the pic i got at Target and they are the generic brand but each bag was like 2$ and they bring a lot sooo… big save

- each box = 45 cal

Dried Seaweed

-some might gag, but hear me out, they’re good. I’ve liked them since way before i ever developed this shitty eating disorder

-2 servings per container. 1 serving = 25 cal. The whole container = 50 cal

Rice Cakes

-The OG

-i usually skip breakfast but if i really truly need it, ill grab one of these with some tea and i’m out the door

-1 cake = 35 cal

Pickles

-I forgot to include these in the picture but oh! my! god! they are a life saver

-assuming you like pickles, that is. I know a lot of people that dont.

-0 cal… 0 FREAKING CALORIES!

Mint Gum or Altoids

-minty

Cinnamon Gum

-for when I’m feeling adventurous lol

:

LaCroix(or Bubly, whatever sparkly water floats your boat)

-okay ik Diet Coke is a staple ed drink, but the truth is its even worse for your body so please dont drink it every day. Its basically bottled poison. I think the only time i would ever touch a diet coke is under special circumstances, like at a christmas party or something.

-0 everything

Stay safe lovelies! ☁️

I feel great so I’m shooting for 24 more hours :)

Talking myself out of using behaviors during the holiday season like:

My friend: how was your day?

Me, knowing I can be honest: tbh not great, I’ve been crying a ton

Her: wanna talk about it?

Me: *talks about it*

Her: *leaves me on read*

Like excuse me wtf, why do people do this

I used to feel bad that my family hasn’t got this “dinner party” stuff; I mean we never eat together even on the daily basis :/

But now I feel great about it cuz nobody will watch me while I’m eating :D