Some days are hard. 

Some days,I can’t. I can’t stand myself. I can’t cope with the idea of living with myself. I can’t look at the mirror without crying. Some days, when I look at myself, I only see “fat”, “ugly”, “stupid”, “not funny”, “worthless”, “dumb”, “useless” and it’s unbearable. Because at these days, I hate myself so much… And it hurts so bad that I literally shut myself down. 

Some days, I don’t understand. I don’t understand what my family sees in me. I don’t understand what my friends like about me. I don’t understand how such amazing people could ever tolerate me. I don’t understand how people could want to be with me, because I’m such a shitty worthless garbage. 

Yesterday was hard.  

I WANT TO DIE. OH GOD I WANNA BE DEAD. I.JUST.WANT.TO.FUCKING.DIE. I’M DONE. I CAN’T. I REALLY CAN’T HANDLE ALL OF THIS SHIT ANOTHER DAY. I WANT TO PUSH A BUTTON AND JUST STOP EXISTING. I WANT TO DIE.

Parents can be stupid sometimes

I love when people say “just talk with your parents about your mental illness, they’ll understand and they’ll be able to help you!”. 

Yesterday, I mentioned that one of my friends might be having a depression. You know what they said? “Oh, God, don’t you dare doing that to us too!” THAT was my mom’s reaction. And my stepfather just nodded and added “Please, we already have enough troubles!”

So I don’t know why, but no, I’m not really looking forward to have that conversation with them…