#i cant do this anymore

currently writing the jisung drabble then suddenly POOF another drabble idea popped up in my mind..

nobody will ever understand the pain i feel

If I could kill myself right now, I fucking would

Everything is falling apart and I don’t know if I can fix things this time

I shouldn’t be alive right now

I’m alive against my own will

Hahahahahahahahaha I wanna fucking die

Why am I never enough?

All the happy ones are waiting for the new year, and I am overwhelmed with studies and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Hello my dearest and Fellow Angels

This is something i never wanted to write in all my years of running this blog and stanning Teen Top. I always promised myself i would never close this blog and never abandon them but sadly we all have to grow up, we have our lives, our blessings and problems that we will experience away from the boys just as they will have experiences and lives away from us. Ive had a very rough year which included back surgery and countless doctor visits back and forth, physical therapy and many other painful tiring things. As always Teen Top has been a beacon of light and happiness in my life and i know they always will be but unfortunately i am in the hospital again. Alone, scared and unsure of what will happen and because of that uncertainty i feel its only right to step down from Teen Top Sarang semi-permanently. This decision breaks my heart because this was truly a labor of love and i adored every second of it but i just don’t know if i can keep this up. As for the forseeable future I cannot, but i will always leave the light on and the door cracked and hope that one day i can return.

Thank you all for the wonderful years. I hope and pray you have excesses of health, love and happiness and For those of you having a hard time I’m sorry and I know you have the strength to pull through so hold on because you truly have a family of Angels cheering you on✊✊

I love you all & thank you so much

As my eyes open in the morning, my mind cries out to just go back to sleep.

To sink into the black void and hide away.

Dragging my body out of my bed is like dragging boulders across a continent.

Looking into a mirror makes my mind shatter into despair.

I hate myself.

I don’t change my clothes.

I put a hat on to hide hair that hasn’t seen a shower in weeks.

I don’t brush my teeth.

I don’t smile anyways.

Walking out my door makes my body try to curl into itself and hide.

My mind whispers my terrors in my ear as I open the door.

Every day is a war in my head to stay alive.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

I am fighting a mind and body that does not what to fight anymore.

I want to give up.

I must give in.

I suppose I’m losing the war now.

I do not want to be alive anymore.