#incorrect avengers
Kitty:[meow]
Thor: That’s a great plan. I would have never thought of that.
Bucky: I-I-I’m sorry. C-Can he actually speak cat, or is he just messing with us?
Tony: Knowing him, it may very well be both.
Tony: [extremely drunk, starts colouring Steve’s in with a highlighter]
Steve: Erm… What are you doing?
Tony: Highlighting you.
Steve: Yes, I see that… Why?
Tony: Cuz you’re important.
Bucky: Are you alright?
[Machine gun bullets hit around them, causing both of them to duck]
Tony:Dandy.
Tony: If I’m extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can’t handle your crap… have fun figuring out which one.
Steve: Let’s have a coffee break for fifteen.
[15 minutes later]
Steve: I meant fifteen minutes. Tony please don’t drink fifteen coffees.
Tony: [vibrating slightly] You should have said that earlier!
Loki: I’ll kill you.
Tony: At least buy me a drink first.
Bucky:How did you even find all of this shit?
Tony:Ebay.
Steve: Maybe you made a mistake.
Tony: I don’t get facts wrong! It’s everything else I screw up.
Bucky:Any suggestions?
Tony:Well, we could start with a drink.
Bucky:They’re still going to be out there. With guns.
Tony:Well then maybe we make it two.
Tony: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s just nice to be held
Steve: …do you need a hug?
Bucky: Did it hurt?
Tony: [sighs] When I fell from heav-
Bucky: When you fell from the vending machine?
Tony: …
Bucky: ‘Cause you’re a snack.
Steve: Please, tell me I’m hallucinating.
Tony:[standing next to the burning microwave] Well, I’m dreamy, but try to contain yourself.
Tony: You have a tendency to overreact.
Loki: [stabs the table] I do not overreact.
Bucky:We’re not cops.
Tony: I’m actually a scientist.
Loki: And I’m the devil.
Steve: Tony, if you could spare a minute, I’d like a possible opinion on something.
Tony:Well then, you’ve come to the right person.
Steve: I haven’t told you what the something is. You might not have an opinion.
Tony:I always have an opinion.
Loki: hi, I’ve stolen ypur identity and been living as you for a week.
Tony:…
Loki: [starts crying]
Tony: [hugging him] hey, it’s oka-
Loki: [loudly sobbing] how do you even get up in the morning?
Tony: shh, I know, I know. It’s going to be okay.
Carol danvers, turning to dust: um what the f*ck do ypu think you’re doing
Dust particles, turning back into her hand: sorry ma'am, our mistake
Carol danvers: yeah that’s what I f*cking thought
Headcanon that Natasha’s an amazing singer but GOD help the poor fool who ever comments about it. Everyone knows this. You mention the singing, you die. (No matter what). Fact.
Everyone knows but Bucky. 9ne day Bucky hears her singing Russian lullabies and softly joins in, because he still remembers the language, and Natasha let’s him. And Clint stumbles into this bizarre assisain duet and just backpedals the fuck outta there because nah man, there’s some things he’s just not prepared for, and two scariest people he knows singing childhood’s songs is one of them.
Pepper: you aren’t going to get out of signing these papers
Tony: Don’t worry I’m really gonna do them this time, I’m just going to get a snack
☆2 hours later☆
Pepper: were have you be-
Tony: *making his third batch of cookies* wha- OH F*UCK
Ned:mj-and-peter-sitting-in-a- tree
Peter:Ned-get-away-from-me
Ned: first comes love, then comes marriage
Mj: and the son of leeds with spinal damage
