#incorrecttonystark
Fury: [to the Avengers] Did none of you, think this was a bad idea?!
Tony: Oh no, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway.
Tony: I HAVE A PLAN!
Bruce: I’m already terrified.
Loki: Something’s wrong. Every time I’m near Anthony, my stomach twists, and I have heart palpations. I think he’s trying to poison me.
Thor: No, those are feelings.
Loki:They’re distracting, make them stop.
Steve: Natasha and Sam are drunk and trying to play matchmaker with us again… Should I remind them that we’re married?
Tony: No, it’s more fun this way.
Tony: Why be sad when you can be dad?
Tony: Do you want to explain this text I got last night?
Bucky: Err, yeah, sorry. That was autocorrect.
Tony:Autocorrect wrote “your so hot step on me”?
Bucky:Yeah, it’s supposed to say “you’re”.
Tony:…
Bucky:Knock knock.
Tony:Who’s there?
Bucky:Where when.
Tony:Where when who?
Bucky:My place, tomorrow, you and me.
Clint:Damn, that’s smooth.
Tony: Howard didn’t raise no quitter.
Tony: Well, actually, Howard didn’t raise me at all.
Tony: Which is why I’m quitting.
Tony: [gives some of his coffee to Steve]
[later]
Steve: Buck, I think Tony wants me to propose.
Bucky: And why is that, Punk?
Steve: He gave me some of his coffee.
Bucky: RIGHT LET’S GO BUY THAT RING!
Bucky: Doll, can you buy this for me?
Tony: Of course.
Clint: Hey! You can’t just buy things for him!
Tony: I’m his husband. I can buy him whatever I want to.
Clint: But we’re playing Monopoly!
Natasha: [holding mistletoe over Steve and Tony’s heads]
Natasha: Oh look. You’re standing under mistletoe, that means you have to kiss.
Bucky: Are you alright?
[Machine gun bullets hit around them, causing both of them to duck]
Tony:Dandy.
Tony: If I’m extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can’t handle your crap… have fun figuring out which one.
Loki: I’ll kill you.
Tony: At least buy me a drink first.
Steve: Maybe you made a mistake.
Tony: I don’t get facts wrong! It’s everything else I screw up.
Bucky:Any suggestions?
Tony:Well, we could start with a drink.
Bucky:They’re still going to be out there. With guns.
Tony:Well then maybe we make it two.
Steve: Please, tell me I’m hallucinating.
Tony:[standing next to the burning microwave] Well, I’m dreamy, but try to contain yourself.
Tony: You have a tendency to overreact.
Loki: [stabs the table] I do not overreact.
Bucky:We’re not cops.
Tony: I’m actually a scientist.
Loki: And I’m the devil.
Steve: Tony, if you could spare a minute, I’d like a possible opinion on something.
Tony:Well then, you’ve come to the right person.
Steve: I haven’t told you what the something is. You might not have an opinion.
Tony:I always have an opinion.
