#incorrect avengers
Y/N: We are on opposite sides of the tomato- no. I mean-
Natasha: What? You mean coin? Two sides of a coin.
Y/N: Yes, I said that.
Tony: I know all the bad things about me.
Tony: I’m just never gonna change them.
Tony:I thought one of you were pregnant because there are weird foods in the fridge.
Y/N: Those are mine. So shut the fuck up.
Quill: Look, I don’t think-
Tony: Oh don’t worry, I’m very much aware.
Quill: …Are you always such an ass?
Tony: No, you just bring out the best in me.
Sam: Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have feelings for Stark.
Bucky: [looking lovingly at Tony across the room] I don’t have feelings for Stark.
Sam:Barnes, you are nowhere near my eyes.
Clint: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
Rhodey: [helps Tony onto the counter]
Loki: [pushes Thor off the sofa]
Natasha: [to Sam] As you can see, there are two types of siblings.
Peter: Is Mr Barnes always this…. Murderous? Or did something happen?
Sam: I mean, he’s not really a sunshine and smiles kinda person, but he’s definitely on the war path today. Apparently some idiot made Stark sad.
Fury: [to the Avengers] Did none of you, think this was a bad idea?!
Tony: Oh no, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway.
Tony: I HAVE A PLAN!
Bruce: I’m already terrified.
Loki: Something’s wrong. Every time I’m near Anthony, my stomach twists, and I have heart palpations. I think he’s trying to poison me.
Thor: No, those are feelings.
Loki:They’re distracting, make them stop.
Steve: Natasha and Sam are drunk and trying to play matchmaker with us again… Should I remind them that we’re married?
Tony: No, it’s more fun this way.
Bucky: Be realistic and relax.
Tony: It’s either be realistic or relax. I can’t multitask today.
Teacher: I called you both in here today because Harley punched another student.
Tony: I wonder where he got that from.
Teacher: When given mediation paperwork about the incident he decided to write an essay about how the other student could, and I quote, “go sit and spin”.
Bucky: I wonder where he got THAT from.
Tony: Why be sad when you can be dad?
Tony: Do you want to explain this text I got last night?
Bucky: Err, yeah, sorry. That was autocorrect.
Tony:Autocorrect wrote “your so hot step on me”?
Bucky:Yeah, it’s supposed to say “you’re”.
Tony:…
Steve: Tony told me that he got Bucky a box of toys for his birthday… I don’t really understand why he’d get a grown adult toys tho.
Clint: I’m going to tell him.
Sam: Don’t you dare.
Bucky:Knock knock.
Tony:Who’s there?
Bucky:Where when.
Tony:Where when who?
Bucky:My place, tomorrow, you and me.
Clint:Damn, that’s smooth.
Tony: Howard didn’t raise no quitter.
Tony: Well, actually, Howard didn’t raise me at all.
Tony: Which is why I’m quitting.
Tony: [gives some of his coffee to Steve]
[later]
Steve: Buck, I think Tony wants me to propose.
Bucky: And why is that, Punk?
Steve: He gave me some of his coffee.
Bucky: RIGHT LET’S GO BUY THAT RING!
Natasha: [holding mistletoe over Steve and Tony’s heads]
Natasha: Oh look. You’re standing under mistletoe, that means you have to kiss.
