years ago, i loved someone i knew.

they were mine, and no one else

could make me more sad.

you’ll look adorable,

arms bound, lips bruised

curled up in my arms.

you’ll belong to me wholly.

“I love you like a lovesick fool cause you are just too damn cool..”

For you there is nothing I wouldn’t do - eUë

Why do we always want what we can’t have??

Don’t you DARE to be okay with losing me

I don’t know how to be with him in a way that doesn’t make me cry.

So often his mind is elsewhere. But it’s in the intimate moments that it really starts to get to me. When we’re laying in bed and I make a point of snuggling up to him - for the most part, it’s like he’s gone. I know he’s dealing with stuff. A lot of it. And he’s told me that his mind is always just wandering - that it’s something he can’t stop. But in those moments, I need that intimacy. I need to look over at him and see him looking back, I need something in his eyes to to tell me that he’s in this with me. I’m only now able to admit that it hurts me a lot. It feels like he doesn’t want me there, like he doesn’t even care.

What am I even doing here? So often he says things that in and of themselves make me want to cry. His view on the future is bleak. Again, there are extenuating circumstances that I won’t go into detail here. But he speaks like someone dealing with depression, or someone who has lost their way. What am I supposed to do with that? How am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone like that? I ask him what he wants for the future. He says to retire as early as he can, do art, and play video games. How do I fit into that? He worries relentlessly about money. I get it, I’ve been there. I tell him to be positive - he says there’s a thin line between optimism and delusion. He spends the bare minimum on food or clothing. Frugal to an extreme. I cannot live like that. My health literally would fall apart. So how would this ever fucking work?

And yet, I never want to be away from him. Even if I know I’m not getting everything my heart wants from being with him, I pine for him continuously.

Honestly, this is some real masochistic shit I’ve got going on here. And it’s exhausting.

I never thought missing someone could be this painful. But here I am: crying at 4 am.

My biggest respect to all the long distance relationships that can’t see each other because of the corona virus. You’re gonna get through this. Stay strong.

I really miss you but I don’t want to tell you because I feel like you don’t miss me.

Prompt #22

“You’re so cute when you’re focused,”

“And you’re breaking that focus to tell me something that — wait what ?”

“Yes, you’re absolutely adorable,”

“O-oh I..I see um, thank you -“

“You’re only getting more and more cute with every word that comes out of your mouth”

i am so lost

my world is falling apart

i cannot change you, so i must replace you

its to the point where i love and i hate you

i miss you so fucking much and i dont know how to stop it :,(

my heart‘s aching sm

sometimes all i think about is you </3

tell me what you did to my emotions so i can prevent that from happening again in the future

how the fuck is it possible to fall for someone that hard??

i lied when i said i don’t care and you lied when you told me you did

you were the one that came into my life and now you’re gone

tell me, did i - at any point - ever mean anything to you?

it’s like i never existed to you

i shouldve left before i could get attached.