Fun poly social media moments

One of my little pleasures is tagging my polycule with funny things. It gives me a sinister smile wjrn I am tagging and trying to figure out who might loke it and whom may not. So its this fun game of tag or no tag that makes me think of all the loves in my life. Specially when I get to tag my metamours and it means so much that I know them and the joy they bring my people.

bearsroyals:

Let’s be clear

I’ve been in the poly scene for about 5 years now and I want to make something absolutely clear to any old timers and up and comers.

There is NO WAY* to do poly wrong.

Some poly centric communities would have people believe there is only one way to do poly.

These communities are toxic cess pools who exist exclusively for sexual gratification.

That is not what poly is.

If you are uncertain about what poly is, allow me to direct you to the following:

Can you form a romantic bond with more than one individual? Then you are poly

That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Anything beyond that is personal preference and open communication.

* Unless of course you’re not communicating or lying. Then it’s not poly. It’s called cheating. And you’re an asshole.

A solid point. Wanted to share and add. There is not wrong way to do poly, only unhealthy or toxic behaviors. These exist in all form of relationships. Rock on my poly folk.

Legit answers only. Where do you think this is wrong? WHY SO MUCH SHADE ON SOMETHING YOU NEVER TRIED?

Triple kiss, triple lust, triple fun.

We are sensual beings. Discovering our own sexuality in our own special way.

rip danny for bearing with his parents’ new boyfriend

I’ve been an organizer in queer and polyamory communities for several years now, and a lot of my focus is on helping people learn how to build relationships, including friendships and community relationships.  I get a lot of the same questions over and over, and a lot of the discussions I participate in are about the same handful of topics.  Every polyamory or queer relationship blog or book out there talks about consent, identity basics, alternative relationship models, dealing with jealousy and internalized oppression, and the fundamentals of interpersonal communication.  So I want to go over a few of the things I don’t see talked about as much that are just as essential to interacting with humans in any personal capacity.

Know Yourself

Devote time to getting to know yourself.  Make a commitment to understand yourself as much as you try to understand your favorite hobbies or closest people.  Learn what makes you feel secure and insecure.  Learn what makes you feel appreciated and unappreciated.  Learn what turns you on and what turns you off.  Learn what it looks like when your needs are fulfilled and unfulfilled.  Learn your own trauma and how it manifests and how to care for yourself.  Everyone gives advice about how to communicate in relationships, but communication skill can only get you so far if you don’t know enough about yourself to communicate to others.  Also, you will change over time, so it’s important to make this a continuous practice so you learn new developments about yourself.

Ask For What You Want

One of the most common reasons I see relationships fall apart is because people assume that other people will inherently understand what they want and will automatically make effort to give it to them.  This just isn’t the case most of the time, and it’s not fair to expect something you haven’t asked for.  If you’re frustrated about someone close to you not understanding something about you that you think should be obvious, then it probably isn’t obvious at all.  Figure out what exactly you want in a specific relationship or specific situation, then ask for it clearly and directly.  Yes, this risks being rejected, that’s a fundamental part of how relationships work and it’s necessary.  People won’t always give you what you want, but having this communication process lets you know what to expect.

Love Others The Way They Want To Be Loved

It’s often easy to love other people the way you want to be loved yourself, and this works fine when you meet people who share similarities with you in that regard.  A great way to broaden your connection with someone, and connect in ways that don’t depend entirely on what you share in common, is to learn how they like to be loved in ways different from you, and if you’re comfortable doing those things, become an expert at giving that love to them.  Every time I’ve done this I learned something very significant and profound about the other person, it strengthened our connection a great deal, and I grew in unexpected ways.

Deconstruct Your Assumptions

People can be pretty wildly different.  Don’t assume that because something works a particular way for you and the people around you that it works that way for everyone.  Something you and your friends hate may be something a lot of other people love.  Something that turns you off almost certainly turns someone else on.  The more I learn about people, the more I realize that there’s very little we can truly call universal human experience.  Deconstructing assumptions about shared experience make it much easier to connect with and appreciate other people.

Be Patient And Curious, Fail Gracefully

All of the above points are difficult to master.  You won’t get it right all the time, and neither will the people close to you.  When you make a mistake, own it, apologize, offer amends, and accept the consequences.  Being perfect is impossible, but handling failure responsibly and gracefully can strengthen connections.  Most importantly, be patient with and curious about your own struggles and other people’s struggles.  If someone struggles with something, make space for that struggle to continue, try to be supportive, and see if you can learn why it’s a struggle.  Extend this same care to yourself when you struggle.  Not only will this ease the struggle, but you will likely learn something important in the process.

my headcanons for the hargreeves siblings:

luther- straight, also never bothered trying anything else bc thE MOON

diego- bi boi, he just likes b a d a s s e s

allison- straight but girls are super pretty and she’d try it out if the right one showed up

klaus- ultimate pan, also open to a poly relationship bc he rlly likes comfort cuddles

five- he’s ace, bc after all those years alone he just can’t deal with people and hasn’t ever been interested

ben- gay but he died too early to ever have fun

vanya- biromanic but in all honesty, pretty people scare her and she’d rather not

so how it goes is: harry and Hermione are the sibling friends, while both of them are in love with Ron. Ron’s the happy polyamorous bisexual with his boyfriend and girlfriend. no jealousy between them bc they need each other for different reasons and are happy.

No pueden evitar que mi mente lo malinterprete hajajaj

gods i hate the word “throuple” so much. if i ever wound up in a triad with people who insisted on calling it a throuple i would 100% dump them both.

transgenderer:

why is ABO the only porn with worldbuidling. “porn with worldbuilding” should be a whole genre

I’m working on a story like this!

It’s set in my main SF universe, on a planet that… the society on it is basically me exploring/playing with the idea of what a more bonobo-like version of humans might be like. Its inhabitants are hominids whose ancestors diverged from ours at about the same time as Neanderthals; their species went extinct on Earth but at some point in prehistory space aliens visited Earth and transplanted some of them to another planet. The evolutionary fork in the road that separated their ancestors from ours is that they developed or retained an ability to track a person’s ovulation/menstruation cycle by scent, which gave them a functional equivalent of modern birth control in the Stone Age (just avoid sex for about six days per month around ovulation), and this difference set up divergent cascades of selection pressures that sent their ancestors evolving in quite different directions from ours over the next few hundred thousand years. Their society is very poly and horny and “everyone is bi” because they’ve evolved to use sex as social bonding in a way that would make being straight and mono a disadvantage in their society in something a little like the way being a sex-repulsed asexual is a disadvantage in our society; it would make it harder for you to cultivate close friendships and stuff. In their society, straight and mono are probably considered asexuality-adjacent/grey-ace conditions (in the same category as demisexuality, kinky ace, etc.).

I developed this society as a concept for “serious” fiction, but it definitely has a lot of porn potential, and I decided to write a story where I had fun with that, as a treat. The basic premise is “rather repressed woman immigrates to this planet, everybody’s nice and understanding about her being mono but she eventually starts doing some poly sex exploration and ends up learning to love the polyamory, the story will mostly be not porn but it will be very horny and there will be some chapters that are lovingly graphic erotica.”

Worldbuilding stuff for what these people’s society is like that will likely or definitely come up in the story:

• One of the selection pressures that sent them down a very different road from us is they’re the product of hundreds of thousands of years of women going “I’m going to take a look around the tribe, note which men have good and kind of subservient relationships with their mothers, and strategically have sex with them during my fertile window in the hopes they give me kids who grow up to be like that.” They’re a low-key female privilege society. Not in a sexy way (mostly), but in a “mother-daughter/son and aunt-niece/nephew relationships are strong and important, older women often have a lot of social clout/authority through matrilineal kinship relationships” way. The primary traditional unit of their society is the matrilineal clan.
• A common life trajectory for males in their society is to stay with their matrilineal kinship group their whole life and help raise the children of their female relatives. Cohabiting romantic partnerships are common, but they’re not the default.
• Cohabiting romantic partnerships, small families, and group homes of mostly non-relatives are associated with city life. Much of the story takes place in a rural area where the traditional family form is still strong; the traditional family form being extended matrilineal kin-group group homes where older women have lots of authority; that sort of lifestyle is kind of like… their society’s version of Red Tribe coded. Their equivalent of tradwife stuff is “leave your boyfriend, return to your mother, when you want sex visit the neighboring group home and have sex with one of your friends with benefits there and then be back home by 6:30 to help your mother and aunts cook like a good daughter.”
• Their society is fairly bottom left (“libertarian left”) quadrant of the political compass: something UBI-ish + most businesses are worker-owned cooperatives, etc..