claudiarya:

I’ve written this Wesper fanfic. in which our two clowns are trying to navigate around their feelings and an awkward marriage proposal.

If you feel like it come check it out! It’s a 3 chaptered story, and chapter 1 is out now. 

Red it here! Paper Rings

From the Story:

“I messed up,” he found himself dumbly repeating, and as if weighed down by this realization, he plopped unceremoniously in the chair on the opposite side of Kaz’s desk. His shoulders hunched in defection. “And what do you want me to do about that?” Kaz rasped, throwing him a quick glance before returning his attention on the damn ledger he was consulting. Yeah, Wylan should have thought about this through.“

adarkershadeofroyal:

the crows are so much funnier than the fandom give them credit for

here are just SOME of the funniest moments throughout the books

• “….you can find your way to Ravka or Matthias’ grandmother’s house for all i care” “leave my grandmother out of this”
• obviously the ghost scene
• pay someone to pay someone to pay someone to
• “you speak Fjerdan about as well as i speak moose” “moose is probably your native tongue”
• ‘Had they blown up the lab? Kaz had definitely NOT told them to blow up the lab’
• The deadpan ‘He had not been shot’
• Kaz trying to justify his decision if bringing Wylan along to the rest of the crows: “ i told you, ✨hidden depths✨” “see Jesper, ✨marketable skillz✨”
• ‘“You all look so young, where are your parents?” Wylan and Jesper burst out laughing’
• “This many people having fun in one place might have shocked the Fjerdan right out of you”
• “I.Should.Let.You.Die”
• Nina trying to bring Kaz back: “The Ice Court, remember? 3 million kruge?” Kaz’s eyes cleared. “4million”
• “You couldn’t look guiltier if you were performing the role of Thief #3 in a penny play on East Stave”
• “Who wants to buy i coat in the dead on night?” “Tourists”
• “Tiny and Ferocious, just like you”
• “Unless you have a unicorn for him to ride away on, there is no scenario that guarantees Kuwei’s safety”
• ‘They could fake a pregnancy. They couldn’t fake an actual birth. Or maybe they could, he wouldn’t put anything past Kaz at this point”
• “He has a very soothing baritone”
• ‘“I’d prefer a pair of sable-lined swimming trunks, but we can’t always get what we want” A furrow appeared between Kuwei’s brows. His understanding of Kerch had apparently been reached and surpassed’
• The Wyvil
• Matthias thinking they should just let Nina and Jesper flirt the entirety of Ketterdam into submission
• That MASTERPIECE of a scene where Jesper and Kaz have a random petty fistfight, and all the other crows literally move out of the way, and then when Wylan tries to get someone to stop them they just shrug and go ‘I mean they aren’t using their weapons let them fight it out’ and THEN Colm coming him and scolding them and both of them IMMEDIATELY stopping
• “Whatever you say, Llewelyn”
• Nina’s singing
• Wylan and Kaz falling through the ceiling onto Van Eck’s dinner party will ALWAYS be iconic
• Kaz’s chapters in general are absolutely HILARIOUS, but my personal favorite is when he’s depending on Matthias Not Betraying them, and he thinks something like this:
• ‘Either he was right and Matthias’ feeling for Nina would prove enough, or Kaz was about to pay for all those talking tree jokes’
• The talking tree jokes in question
• The initiation ceremony where the tree teaches you the secret handshake
• ‘His first thought was that this boy had the most beautiful lips he’d ever seen, and his second was that he was probably about to die’ Wylan honey we’ve got to talk about your priorities
• “Is it that bad?” “No, you just have really ugly feet”
• That scene at the start of Six of Crows where Van Eck has Kaz tied to a chair and is explaining what he needs, and then is explaining why he needs Kaz specifically, talking about how his De Kappel painting was stolen which is a really impressive feat, while Kaz is vehemently denying that he had anything to do with it although it was obviously him
• Wylan being passive aggressive while Jesper is trailing after him trying to apologize for the Kuwei thing
• “Can’t we just enter as performers? I hear Wylan really kills it on the flute”
• Inej getting Nina’s cookie jar after she gets back and Jesper being offended that he didn’t get to take some
• Nina making fun of Kaz’s haircut
• “Is my tie straight?”

That’s all I can think of for now, i’m sure there’s more so if you think of something feel free to add on

Kaz: I don’t know what to say.

Wylan: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Kaz: Which one? I can’t do both.

(Watching Kaz and Jesper argue/fight)

Inej: This is bad.

Nina: I know.

Nina: I wish we had popcorn.

Kaz: We could kill them.

Wylan: *sigh* Why is murder your answer to everything?

Wylan: It’s a package from my dad.

Jesper: It’s heavy, what is it?

Wylan: Must be his disappointment in me.

Jesper: Kid, you are old enough now, I think it is time we have the talk.

Wesper Child: Dad, no! I already know where kids come from. We really do not have to do this.

Jesper:

Jesper: Oh no, I did not mean that kind of talk. I mean the “a lot of people in your family are actually criminals” talk. So, it all started with your uncle Kaz, who–

Nina: Hey Matthias, can you spell “perfect” for me?

Matthias: Of course, N-I-N-A.

Nina: *blushing* you’re too cheesy.

Wylan: *overhearing the convo* Jesper, can you spell “perfect” for me?

Jesper: Sure darling, J-E-S-P-E-R.

Wylan:

Wylan: Why am I with you again?

bloodline curse idea: every time you or one of your descendants reads six of crows anywhere it says ‘ketterdam’ you think it says 'kardashian’

Nina: Hey, do you have a bag I can borrow?

Kaz:The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.

Nina:Literally all you had to say was no, edgelord.

Wylan: Some people are like slinkies.

Jesper:Explain.

Wylan: Not really good for much but makes you crack a smile when you push it down the stairs.

Jesper: Please don’t push Kuwei down the stairs.

Wylan:You can’t stop me!

Pekka: You’re really campaigning for asshole of the year, aren’t you?

Kaz: As defending champion, are you nervous?

Inej:Are you getting enough sleep?

Kaz: Sometimes when I sneeze my eyes close.

Kaz:Can we talk about that text you sent everyone in the group chat?

Nina: It was a critical update.

Kaz: It just said “I miss Mattias”.

Nina: The people needed know.

Kaz, to Inej: You’re too good for this world.

Kaz: But that’s okay.

Kaz: I’ll be an asshole for the both of us.

Kaz: How to kiss someone.

Kaz: Grab their waist.

Kaz: Slip your hand into their pocket.

Kaz: Steal their wallet.

Kaz: Don’t even kiss them.

Kaz: Just run.

Kaz: Who’s trying to kill us?

Inej: No one…?

Kaz:That’s new.

Mattias:Hey can I be frank with you guys?

Nina:Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Wylan: Can I be Ralph?

Jesper: Shh, let Frank speak.

Mattias:

Pekka: We can’t tell you because you’re not part of the club.

Kaz: What club?

Van eck: The hating Brekker club.

Kaz:…The fuck? I should be the leader of that club.

Inej: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for you health so you shouldn’t do it.

Kaz: I know, that’s why I bottle up all my emotions both positive and negative so it cancels out.

Inej: Tha-that’s not how that works…

Kaz: Jesper, not a word.

Jesper:…

Jesper:Fergalicious.

Kaz: I said no words.

Jesper: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago when we were playing scrabble, it’s not a word? And now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.

Kaz:I hate when people say “so tell me about yourself”.

Kaz: Like, what do you want to know? My trauma or my favourite colour?

Kaz:Be specific.

Wylan, with no idea on how to cook: A recipe is more a guideline. Real cooking comes from the heart.

Wylan: *Adds even more sugar*

Jesper, filming everyone: Everyone in this room is straight!

The crows:…

Jesper:April fools. We’re all Bi.

Kuwei: We’re going to die!

Kaz:Saints I hope so.

Mattias: There’s seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Inej: Have everyone stand.

Wylan:Bring three more chairs.

Jesper:The best seven of the lot can sit down!

Kaz:Kill three.

Kaz: Here’s a fun idea, we hang a mistletoe, but instead of kissing the person underneath, we have to fight them.

Inej: We are not doing that.

Mattias, nodding:Mistlefoe.

Nina: Don’t encourage him!

Wylan: Consider the following.

Wylan: Seatbelts. Except they throw you out of your seat, and they’re called yeetbelts.

Colm, whispering to Jesper: What the fuck is a yeet?