#wounded healer

With Chiron turning today direct in Aries we’re open to new possibilities in our healing process, able to access deep memories, rising from fragmentation into wholeness.

This is a moment where our agreement to go further matters, where we decide if we’re ready to descend into darkness, to accept what we’re going to find there; if we’re ready for metamorphosis and expansion.

The darkness is visibly fearful and hard to be discovered, it needs time, quietness, calmness to open to you the secrets, path, new territory.

Fear is a bandage on your eyes, a mechanism to hold you from reaching wholeness, it’s compartments, rooms, ideas, expectations.

Healing is about saying yes to the darkness, unknown, bringing light to the abandoned places, a calmness of warrior and openness of the child.

Intention.

You can.

Discover.

Wholeness.

Manifest completely new.

This is a healing journey,

there is always a wound, fear is wrapped even in the most shining smile. Your childhood can be an imprint of the main themes in your healing journey - this is a time when we can see deeper, when we’re wise enough to open for any experience and craving for teaching, no matter how harsh, horrible it can be, our soul is fresh with the memory of why we’re here.

So we’re ready to go - passed unnoticed to the adults, words and actions towards us as children can stay with us for years, mirroring in various difficult experiences.

Inner child

That’s all held in our inner child, the first sparkle of our personality free from conditioning by education, family, social groups etc., widely open for life and its experiences as they are, full of play, creative fire and ability to accept and give love. It’s the most clear imprint of our soul.

Trauma

Trauma shadows the inner child, making him\her retreat into the deeper parts of the psyche, he\she isn’t a warrior at all, so quietly slides inside, leaving vague memories.

When we approach the trauma - see it, starting to descend into it, slowly healing, the inner child is coming further.

Things that can bring the trauma into the light:

*** meditation and relaxation through any kind of technique that help your body and mind to open up and release stored energy of the wound,

*** setting intention that you’re ready to reveal your wounds and start healing can be a great deal, it’s a kind of signal you’re sending to your conscious mind at first and then letting this intention go, forgetting about it, you allow your unconsciousness connected with cosmos to start working on it,

*** focusing on the things that can point to your wounds:

• natal chart (look at Pluto, Chiron, Lilith)
• evaluating repeating negative patterns in your life, your blocks
• going to see your parents or staying with them for a while (the last thing is advised if you want no less but enlightenment)
• reflecting on the relationships with people closest to you,

*** trying to reconnect with your inner child - dance, sing, embrace your creativity and try to see how your inner child responds to that, eventually you can even write a letter to yourself as a child.

Healing

Healing is a slow process of opening up to the trauma, letting wounds to be revealed, accepted and healed. There is no specific time, pace, process to do that. It’s like letting the flower bloom, not trying to open up the petals, eventually ruining the natural process. That flower is your inner, truest teacher, eventually it makes us grow, teach us love, compassion, understanding, let our souls evolve.

Explore. Reframe. Embrace healthy conflict. Celebrate that value is in your effort, only that matters.

Tired of feeling everyone else

Everyone else’s feelings

Because my own are overwhelming

And I don’t want to be overwhelmed

I feel this crippling anxiety

Anxiety about being myself

Then I let it take control of me

As if control is what it needs

I’m so tired of being lonely

Lonely yet surrounded by people

People who don’t know me at all

Because I don’t let them know me at all

I put on a mask when I leave the house

And take it off when I get home

This mask is starting to get heavy

I just really want to be alone

I just want to give in sometimes

Give into what begs me to quit

I beg my shadow self to let go

We are no longer a good fit

We might have connected for a bit

But now it’s time for me to move on

I’m tired of not feeling like myself

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong

Feels like the real me is long gone

And I don’t know where she went

It’s like she got up and ran away

I need to find her again.

Some important, healing lessons I’ve learned over the last 2 years:

• trust your intuition. it’s usually right.

• don’t chase emotionally unavailable people, they will never want you back.

• you can only numb your feelings for so long.

• feel your feelings, they’re meant to be felt.

• hobbies are important, and so are you. do what you love.

• when in relationship, you are allowed to be alone.

• you are allowed to ask for space.

• open and honest communication is so so important.

• do not put others needs before your own.

• if you don’t want to go out, don’t go out.

• you can say no without giving a reason why.

• connection is important. don’t take it for granted.

reading back on my old journal entries and I’m just grateful to still be alive and to have come so far. Grateful for all of the hard lessons.