#actuallydepressed

Pros of weaning off some of my meds:

• Spending less money ✅
• Feeling Progress in Recovery ✅

Cons of weaning off some of my meds:

• It’s almost 5am I’ve been trying to sleep for 3 hours but one of my meds I’m no longer taking used to make me sleep in 30 minutes and it seems I’ll need to get used tl falling sleep without them ❌

I’ve been clean for almost two years but the fact that I hit 25 years of age and am still a virgin makes me feel an urge to cut myself again

Well here’s to the bonding-over-self-harm-issues pub session with Alexi Laiho (from Children Of Bodom) I’ll never have now

So I haven’t counted the days I haven’t self-harmed because I don’t remember the last day I did it, but a couple weeks ago I found my blades rusted all over after several months without seeing them and now I’ve thrown them and my lighter away

Can anyone congratulate me pls

Pedicure: wow, you really have a high tolerance for pain, don’t ya!

My self-harmer ass:

“These scars long have yearned for your tender caress”

My self-harmer ass:

Things that make me feel loved 

( ) Friends 

( ) Family 

( ) Significant other 

(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) Ola Gjeilo’s music

I honestly just wish I could erase my existence from people’s minds

I hate remembering that people, like, have thoughts and opinions and judgements about me and/or my actions

Can they just

Like

Not

Tell me to “ask you” for your attention again. Tell me.

Offline “friends” are only disappointments after disappointments

This issue of Ms. Marvel fuck me up so much. It’s not just about me not being straight and having been afraid of being outed. It’s so much deeper than that. So much deeper than I could ever express. So much deeper that I only feel free to talk about it on a side-blog mental illness blog instead of on my main/fandom one.

This kind of support would’ve mattered so much to me when I was in the hellhole called middle school. If I hadn’t been so utterly alone in school as secrets of mine were outed and openly mocked by people I swear I could maybe not have ended up like I did. I swear I could maybe not having started cutting and burning myself. I swear I could maybe not have attempted suicide twice. I swear I could maybe have not developed a mood and personality disorder. Of course, everything was multi-determined, there were countless factors, but that doesn’t change the fact that I went through in school may have been by far the start of my downfall. Or maybe a major early accelerator of a slower downfall that was already happening, but not as completely vertical instead of diagonal as it then became. Whatever, it was a watershed in my life if a bad, bad, BAD way.

I wish so much I had had a Nakia in middle school. Or a Kamala Khan in middle school. Not because Kamala Khan is a badass superhero with powers, but because she could’ve given me a support I so surely and direly needed back then.

I wish compassion were normal.

Aleksander caressing Regina’s scars before saying with a smile that he loved her fucked me up 

Can my friends *start* conversations with me

That moment when I feel lonely af and I want to talk to someone about anything at all but getting to them and going like “hey i’m lonely can i talk to you” but then everybody has a billion things to do and I have no right to take away any time from them so I’ll just continue feeling lonely yay

I love when I feel agitated and accelerated and highly distractable with no actual surplus of energy just some weird agitation that hinders any productivity and make me barely able to pay attention and focus and can’t be converted to anything at all amd oh it also gets in the way of my sleep

Not to be whiny but the fact that I’m 23 years old and a virgin and the only one in my group of friends who have never had a romantic relationship fucks and no amount of “single power!!!!!!!!” is going to reduce that

Michael Jackson: In our darkest hour, in my deepest despair, will you still care? Will you be there? In my trials and my tribulations; through our doubts and frustrations; in my violence, in my turbulence; through my fear and my confessions; in my anguish and my pain; through my joy and my sorrow; in the promise of another tomorrow. I’ll never let you part, for you’re always in my heart.

My BPD ass:

When you’re afraid to ask your new boss for time off for your stepps group, but if you don’t go to this group you’re probably going to have another breakdown and quit….